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View Full Version : Life My dad passed away this week


RJ
12-05-2008, 04:19 PM
He died Sunday of a heart attack. He was 69, still young by today's standards. He suffered from diabetes and high blood pressure, was overweight and wouldn't give up his cigars. He probably could have lived longer but he was stubborn. I can't blame him for that, he went out on his own terms.

I never knew my dad as well as I'd have liked. My parents divorced when I was still a baby and he stayed in Kentucky after we moved away. I generally saw him in the summers only. Still, I always liked him and loved him and was proud of him. He came from parents who didn't have enough education between them to earn a HS diploma and barely got one himself. He was wild and reckless in his younger days but eventually got his shit together enough to own a couple of very succesful businesses in the same town he grew up in. In later life he taught me some invaluable lessons. Some were about business but most were about life in general, about how to treat others and how to expect to be treated.

He was a very well liked and respected man and the funeral was evidence of that. Between the viewing and the funeral I estimate about 800 people attended. I have no idea how many of them - most of whom I didn't know - came up to shake my hand and tell me what a great man he was. A lot of them were customers from his bar. Maybe they owed him money. :) My stepmom and half siblings, who live there, had all thought maybe a couple of hundred people would come. It turned out there was a line around the building that lasted for three hours. Guess that's the result of treating people right and maintaining roots for a lot of years.

Anyway, I just wanted to say something about my dad and I figured The Planet was the place to do it. I could go on but I won't. Thanks for indulging me and the next time you see your dad, give him a hug.

Pestilence
12-05-2008, 04:21 PM
Damn dude....sorry to hear that.

undercover
12-05-2008, 04:22 PM
He sounded like a wonderful man. Sorry for your loss.

Chief Henry
12-05-2008, 04:23 PM
Your dad sounds like the type of man that lived his adult years by the golden rule.
Treat others the way you would want to be treated. It sounds like your Dad was a good man.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Simply Red
12-05-2008, 04:26 PM
Man-O-Man, RJ. I'm so incredibly sorry to hear this. Stay strong.

NewChief
12-05-2008, 04:27 PM
Sorry to hear it, man. It's rough.

Iowanian
12-05-2008, 04:28 PM
Sorry to hear it.

luv
12-05-2008, 04:30 PM
Sorry for your loss. I have no idea what I'd do without my dad here.

Demonpenz
12-05-2008, 04:30 PM
I am sorry but congrats on your dad living his life way he wanted too

StcChief
12-05-2008, 04:30 PM
RIP sorry for your loss. Hope you and your family are doing their best in this grieving period.

Sure-Oz
12-05-2008, 04:31 PM
Sorry to hear it man

RJ
12-05-2008, 04:36 PM
I'm feeling a lot better about the whole thing now than I was a couple of days ago. I guess maybe I just wanted to post something about him and to say that I was proud of him - probably because I never said it when he was alive. Not that he'd have expected me to, he wasn't that kind of guy.

He really was a great American story. Small town guy from parents who never got past 5th grade cause they had to work at home on their farms. This country has come a long way in a hundred years.

Buehler445
12-05-2008, 04:36 PM
RJ,

Sorry to hear about your loss. That is a big step for any person. Hopefully I've got awhile before I have to bury anyone from my family.

Rain Man
12-05-2008, 04:45 PM
800 people? That's quite a testament. If I died, I think I would be surprised if 8 showed up.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Ari Chi3fs
12-05-2008, 04:51 PM
It is great to hear that your father was so well respected and loved. Take that lesson and grow from it.

You, too are a good man, Mr. RJ.

Celebrate his life... and remember you can still talk to him.

rtmike
12-05-2008, 04:53 PM
My Father and I have never been close. I can only dream of the relationship you had with yours and am sorry he passed.

May God bless you & your family with the strength to get through this.

JuicesFlowing
12-05-2008, 04:55 PM
800 people? That's quite a testament. If I died, I think I would be surprised if 8 showed up.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Same here. My sympathies are with you, RJ.

Dave Lane
12-05-2008, 04:58 PM
Good job following a good example. My thoughts are with you man!

memyselfI
12-05-2008, 05:02 PM
I'm so sorry to hear this. My best to you and all those who loved your father.

Lzen
12-05-2008, 05:35 PM
Sorry for your loss, RJ. Your dad sounded like a decent fellow.

Bill Parcells
12-05-2008, 05:39 PM
My condolences, RJ. thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

JASONSAUTO
12-05-2008, 05:40 PM
sorry for the loss, i dont talk to my old man NEAR as much as i should(we live a ways away) shit i better go call him

Adept Havelock
12-05-2008, 05:42 PM
RJ, my sympathies. That's a tough rock in the road. Hang in there.

Skip Towne
12-05-2008, 05:46 PM
Sorry about your loss RJ. I was 18 when it happened to me.

Farzin
12-05-2008, 05:46 PM
RIP..sorry for the loss bro.

Frazod
12-05-2008, 05:47 PM
Sorry for your loss. :(

Zebedee DuBois
12-05-2008, 05:48 PM
RJ, I'm sorry that you lost him, but I'm glad you had a good relationship with him. As I get older, I become more aware of the subtle impact so many people have on your life. It sounds like a lot of people were aware of your father's impact in their lives.

mikey23545
12-05-2008, 05:55 PM
I'm so sorry for you, RJ...I was only 19 when my Dad passed, and like yours, he was a much-respected and well liked man...Be strong, and never forget him.

KcMizzou
12-05-2008, 06:10 PM
Terrible news, RJ. Very sorry to hear it.

Mr. Flopnuts
12-05-2008, 06:31 PM
He died Sunday of a heart attack. He was 69, still young by today's standards. He suffered from diabetes and high blood pressure, was overweight and wouldn't give up his cigars. He probably could have lived longer but he was stubborn. I can't blame him for that, he went out on his own terms.

I never knew my dad as well as I'd have liked. My parents divorced when I was still a baby and he stayed in Kentucky after we moved away. I generally saw him in the summers only. Still, I always liked him and loved him and was proud of him. He came from parents who didn't have enough education between them to earn a HS diploma and barely got one himself. He was wild and reckless in his younger days but eventually got his shit together enough to own a couple of very succesful businesses in the same town he grew up in. In later life he taught me some invaluable lessons. Some were about business but most were about life in general, about how to treat others and how to expect to be treated.

He was a very well liked and respected man and the funeral was evidence of that. Between the viewing and the funeral I estimate about 800 people attended. I have no idea how many of them - most of whom I didn't know - came up to shake my hand and tell me what a great man he was. A lot of them were customers from his bar. Maybe they owed him money. :) My stepmom and half siblings, who live there, had all thought maybe a couple of hundred people would come. It turned out there was a line around the building that lasted for three hours. Guess that's the result of treating people right and maintaining roots for a lot of years.

Anyway, I just wanted to say something about my dad and I figured The Planet was the place to do it. I could go on but I won't. Thanks for indulging me and the next time you see your dad, give him a hug.


Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on it Mr. RJ. As someone who lost my mother at way too young of an age let me extend an ear to you should you find yourself needing someone who can understand it to some degree to talk too. May your entire family find peace and closure as soon as possible.

RJ
12-05-2008, 06:57 PM
800 people? That's quite a testament. If I died, I think I would be surprised if 8 showed up.

I'm sorry for your loss.


I know what you mean. I'm not sure if I even know that many people and even if I did I doubt they'd all show up.

Something that was interesting was the diversity of people who showed up to see him. There were lawyers and judges, dishwashers and laborers, businessmen and barflies. They were old and young, black and white, rich and poor. I was particularly surprised by all the black folks who were there. My dad had some bad racist attitudes years ago. I won't say he got rid of all of them but he definitely had mellowed over the years. Thirty years ago I'd have never believed a black man would be a pall bearer at my father's funeral. He was eulogized by a Jewish lawyer before a service performed by a Baptist preacher. In between, a guy who used to be the local TV weather man but decided he'd rather be a musician played "(Ain't It) Funny How Time Slips Away".

A lot of tears were shed but there was just as much laughter and story telling. I think he'd have liked it if he could have seen it. On the one hand I felt proud of how highly all those people thought of him but on the other hand it made me miss him even more.

Skip Towne
12-05-2008, 07:02 PM
800 people? That's quite a testament. If I died, I think I would be surprised if 8 showed up.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'll probably have to hire pallbearers.

Over-Head
12-05-2008, 07:06 PM
Sory to hear it RJ.
Consioder a prayer sent up for him.

My parents and I have been estranged for years.
I got word yesterday through the grape vine, dad's on Morphine for his cancer, and apparantly my mother has ,lung cancer with about 2 months to go.
Funny how life works ain't it

talastan
12-05-2008, 07:19 PM
My prayers and thoughts are with him RJ and you and your family.

Halfcan
12-05-2008, 07:22 PM
Sorry to hear about that-best wishes.

RJ
12-05-2008, 07:23 PM
Sory to hear it RJ.
Consioder a prayer sent up for him.

My parents and I have been estranged for years.
I got word yesterday through the grape vine, dad's on Morphine for his cancer, and apparantly my mother has ,lung cancer with about 2 months to go.
Funny how life works ain't it


I was estranged from my dad and that side of my family for years. Kind of a long story and nothing that anyone did wrong, just something that happened. Thankfully, it got fixed and life went on.

I hope you get to see your folks before they're gone. You might really regret it if you don't. Whatever happens, best of luck to all of you.

Life would be fairly easy if it weren't for all the people, huh?

Darth CarlSatan
12-05-2008, 07:32 PM
I'm feeling a lot better about the whole thing now than I was a couple of days ago. I guess maybe I just wanted to post something about him and to say that I was proud of him - probably because I never said it when he was alive. Not that he'd have expected me to, he wasn't that kind of guy.

He really was a great American story. Small town guy from parents who never got past 5th grade cause they had to work at home on their farms. This country has come a long way in a hundred years.

I know where you're coming from. My Grandfather lived in a very small town, and when he died it was standing room only in the church. Not because he was a mover and shaker, but because he was a genuine, caring, and solid man who had spent all but his entire life in the community, and being involved in the community.
I met about a hundred people who I'd never known, but a majority of which knew me from when I was very young.

My condolences on your loss.

DeezNutz
12-05-2008, 07:33 PM
Sorry for your loss.

Sounds like he led a full, productive life. You definitely should be proud.

Bowser
12-05-2008, 07:36 PM
Sincerest condolences, RJ. Sounds like he was a great guy.

Nzoner
12-05-2008, 07:46 PM
I'm so sorry my friend,sounds like you have great memories though,I know it'll be harder this time of year but it sounds as though he was a great man so remember that and celebrate him this season.

max sleeper
12-05-2008, 07:52 PM
He died Sunday of a heart attack. He was 69, still young by today's standards. He suffered from diabetes and high blood pressure, was overweight and wouldn't give up his cigars. He probably could have lived longer but he was stubborn. I can't blame him for that, he went out on his own terms.

I never knew my dad as well as I'd have liked. My parents divorced when I was still a baby and he stayed in Kentucky after we moved away. I generally saw him in the summers only. Still, I always liked him and loved him and was proud of him. He came from parents who didn't have enough education between them to earn a HS diploma and barely got one himself. He was wild and reckless in his younger days but eventually got his shit together enough to own a couple of very succesful businesses in the same town he grew up in. In later life he taught me some invaluable lessons. Some were about business but most were about life in general, about how to treat others and how to expect to be treated.

He was a very well liked and respected man and the funeral was evidence of that. Between the viewing and the funeral I estimate about 800 people attended. I have no idea how many of them - most of whom I didn't know - came up to shake my hand and tell me what a great man he was. A lot of them were customers from his bar. Maybe they owed him money. :) My stepmom and half siblings, who live there, had all thought maybe a couple of hundred people would come. It turned out there was a line around the building that lasted for three hours. Guess that's the result of treating people right and maintaining roots for a lot of years.

Anyway, I just wanted to say something about my dad and I figured The Planet was the place to do it. I could go on but I won't. Thanks for indulging me and the next time you see your dad, give him a hug.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Your father sounded like as good man. I can tell from your posts that you are of the same way. Go Chiefs!

Ebolapox
12-05-2008, 07:54 PM
sorry to hear of your loss. I'm very close to my dad, couldn't imagine losing him. RIP, RJ's dad.

burt
12-05-2008, 07:57 PM
I'll probably have to hire pallbearers.

I'm in for free, little guy.

burt
12-05-2008, 07:58 PM
RJ,

Sorry for your loss....can't say more.

dtebbe
12-05-2008, 08:01 PM
I lost my dad to cancer in September, at 58. Your description of the funeral sounds just like my dad's, and your dad sounds a lot like my dad. I was fortunate enough to be very close with my dad, he was like a brother, best friend, and dad all in one... just depended on what you needed at the time.

It's not been easy dealing with the loss, but there's always the thoughts of the good times. The beers in the garage while we were frying up the fish we caught, the swift kick in the ass he gave me any time I ever bent over in his presence :cuss: DAMMIT DAD! I'll kick your a.. ... I miss those.....

At least I know he's got more than one guy to have a smoke and a drink with now.

Hang in there, and think of the good times - works for me so far.

My favorite quote from the service:

"Jerome wanted to be the fun grandparent, the one the grand kids couldn't wait to see - he didn't even have to try"

He was that kind of dad too. Fun, couldn't wait to see...

DT

cdcox
12-05-2008, 09:53 PM
RJ, I'm sorry for your loss. Your dad obviously made an impact. I'm glad that you have good memories of your father. This tread is a great tribute to him. God bless.