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View Full Version : Funny Stuff Something to liven up the flustrated mood of the Planet.


talastan
01-09-2009, 11:12 AM
Didn't know if this was a repost but:

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

Demonpenz
01-09-2009, 11:28 AM
Didn't know if this was a repost but:

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

:clap:

Delano
01-09-2009, 11:31 AM
Did a dog and cat actually write this? If so, WOW!

talastan
01-09-2009, 11:32 AM
Did a dog and cat actually write this? If so, WOW!

:shake: JK! ROFL

talastan
01-09-2009, 11:34 AM
Did anyone else hear Stewie Griffins voice when reading the excerpt from the cat?

Demonpenz
01-09-2009, 11:34 AM
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...... 8:00 am

Okay gang, as many of you know I still have friends at the highest level in the Chiefs organization and have this info to share with full confidence: Scott Pioli is the new GM. His announcement will come Thursday or Friday at the latest. Clark and Scott are working out the finer points of his contract tonight, but the deal is sealed. Also, Clark informed Herm Edwards and his coaching staff that they will be released. All assistants can reapply through Scott.

I only share this information because I'm no longer with the team and it's fun to share that a new day is dawning at Arrowhead. Scott Pioli will quickly move to clean out the front office and hire a new coach.

The only info I have on the new coach is it will not be Kirk Ferentz from the Iowa Hawkeyes. Kirk coaches his son at Iowa and does not want to leave until his son graduates.

Mike Shanahan has contacted Pioli, but I don't know any info beyond that.

Delano
01-09-2009, 11:36 AM
Did anyone else hear Stewie Griffins voice when reading the excerpt from the cat?

No, I had Demonpenz's soprano voice as the cat.

The dog was Christian Bale's Batman.

Penelope Cruz guest starred as the bird.

Scott Pioli was making gentle whale and ocean sounds in the background.

talastan
01-09-2009, 11:37 AM
:cuss: Damn try to keep your thread free of Piolis and this is what happens!! :shake:

Demonpenz
01-09-2009, 11:38 AM
I had gilbert godfrey

Dartgod
01-09-2009, 11:38 AM
Did a dog and cat actually write this? If so, WOW!
I think it was George Carlin...or Ted Nugent.

Dartgod
01-09-2009, 11:39 AM
Did anyone else hear Stewie Griffins voice when reading the excerpt from the cat?
Yes.

Dartgod
01-09-2009, 11:39 AM
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...... 8:00 am

Okay gang, as many of you know I still have friends at the highest level in the Chiefs organization and have this info to share with full confidence: Scott Pioli is the new GM. His announcement will come Thursday or Friday at the latest. Clark and Scott are working out the finer points of his contract tonight, but the deal is sealed. Also, Clark informed Herm Edwards and his coaching staff that they will be released. All assistants can reapply through Scott.

I only share this information because I'm no longer with the team and it's fun to share that a new day is dawning at Arrowhead. Scott Pioli will quickly move to clean out the front office and hire a new coach.

The only info I have on the new coach is it will not be Kirk Ferentz from the Iowa Hawkeyes. Kirk coaches his son at Iowa and does not want to leave until his son graduates.

Mike Shanahan has contacted Pioli, but I don't know any info beyond that.
ROFL

talastan
01-09-2009, 11:40 AM
Excerpts from The Petersons Dog's Diary...... 8:00 am

Okay gang, as many of you know I still have friends at the highest level in the Chiefs organization and have this info to share with full confidence: Scott Pioli is the new GM. His announcement will come Thursday or Friday at the latest. Clark and Scott are working out the finer points of his contract tonight, but the deal is sealed. Also, Clark informed Herm Edwards and his coaching staff that they will be released. All assistants can reapply through Scott.

I only share this information because I'm no longer with the team and it's fun to share that a new day is dawning at Arrowhead. Scott Pioli will quickly move to clean out the front office and hire a new coach.

The only info I have on the new coach is it will not be Kirk Ferentz from the Iowa Hawkeyes. Kirk coaches his son at Iowa and does not want to leave until his son graduates.

Mike Shanahan has contacted Pioli, but I don't know any info beyond that.

FYP