View Full Version : Football Tebowisms

01-09-2009, 02:57 PM

A lot like the Chuck Norris ones. Saw it on ESPN first.

Tim Tebow can get Chick-Fil-A on Sundays.
People with amnesia still remember Tim Tebow.
Tim Tebow's family once threw him a surprise party. Once.
Tim Tebow hits blackjack with just one card.
The only reason you're still conscious is because Tim Tebow hasn't stiff-armed you in the face.
When TimTebow was a kid, he made his mom finish his vegetables.
Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for even HAVING a weakness.
Tim Tebow doesn't do pushups. Instead, he pushes the earth down.
Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas.
Tim Tebow counted to infinity. Twice.
In the beginning there was nothing. Then Tim Tebow stiff-armed that nothing in the head and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
When life gives Tim Tebow lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Tim Tebow hates lemonade.
When Google can't find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.
What color is Tim Tebow's blood? Trick question. Tim Tebow does not bleed.
Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. That animal became what is now known as the giraffe.
Tim Tebow is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Tim Tebow is the reason Waldo is hiding
When Tim Tebow wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
When taking the SAT, write "Tim Tebow" for every answer. You will score more than 1600.
Tim Tebow can dribble a football.
Tim Tebow was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the whooshing sound of a stiff-arm.
Tim Tebow can kick start a car.
Tim Tebow gets called for roughing the tackler.
When Tebow spikes the ball, he strikes oil.
You can lead a horse to water, but Tim Tebow can make him drink.
Tim Tebow doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Tim Tebow can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 A.M.
Tim Tebow ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Tim Tebow and Chuck Norris once squared off. The fight lasted for 4 years, then Tebow realized that he was actually in a fight. He immediately stiff armed Chuck Norris upon this realization. This event is referred to as the "Big Bang"
Tim Tebow saved the manatees. Then he stiff armed them back on the endandered species list so they wouldnt get cocky.
Tim Tebow was Jerome Bettis' stunt double
Little known medical fact: Tim Tebow invented the Caesarean section when he bull-rushed his way out of his mother’s womb. He thought it was 4th down.
Tim Tebow invented the pedestal. Then he invented the stiff arm to have something to knock people off it.
The recent earthquake off the coast of Florida measured 6.0 on the Richter scale, or .024 Tim Tebows.
Gandhi didnt fast, Tim Tebow simply got drunk one night and ate all his food
A spike in Tim Tebow stiff arms caused the tooth fairy to go broke in 1997.
An Ohio St an once told a joke at Tim Tebow's expense... well we all know what happened next.
Tim Tebow told Steve Irwin not to mess with stingrays.
Hollywood asked Tim Tebow to play the juggernaut in X-Men, but he was busy that day.
You don't hit Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow hits you!
Tim Tebow doesn't get sacked. Tim Tebow sacks defensive linemen.
Tebow doesn't throw interceptions, he throws the ball to you so he can hit you on the return.
SuperMan wears Tim Tebow Pajamas. So does Lou Holtz.
Tim Tebow counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Tim Tebow
Tim Tebow built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Tebow met all three bullets with his stiff arm, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Tim Tebow can touch MC Hammer.
At birth, Tim Tebow came out arms first so he could stiff arm the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Tim Tebow but Tim Tebow.
Tim Tebow frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Tim Tebow sleeps with a night light. Not because Tim Tebow is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Tim Tebow.
Rome wasn’t built in a day because Tim Tebow wasn’t born yet.
When Tim Tebow eats, he doesn’t have to wait 30 minutes to swim.
Freddy Krueger is scared to sleep because he might meet Tim Tebow in his dream.
Tim Tebow’s number is 15 because that’s how many players it takes to tackle him.
A meteor didn’t kill the dinosaurs; Tim Tebow did in a pickup football game.
Referees created instant replay so they could admire Tim Tebow more than once.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Tim Tebow's forearm.
They once asked Ray Lewis if he'd like to run full speed at Tim Tebow, and he said "No".
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Tim Tebow. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Tim Tebow.
When Tim Tebow was a kid he made his mom finish HER vegetables.
Tim Tebow loves women. All of them. At the same time.

01-09-2009, 03:00 PM
These jokes are NOT funny


Chiefs Pantalones
01-09-2009, 03:06 PM
He better stay in college, because once he goes to the NFL it's back to earth.

01-09-2009, 03:23 PM
He better stay in college, because once he goes to the NFL it's back to earth.

True that. :thumb:

Ageeded not funny

01-09-2009, 03:40 PM
Welcome to 2006.

Mr. Flopnuts
01-09-2009, 04:20 PM
Did you just wake up from a coma?

01-09-2009, 04:41 PM
Yeah f*** these tired ass jokes and the f***ing stupid ass people who still think they are funny. I would gladly accept Carl Peterson to be our Owner/GM/President/Head Coach over hearing this retarded shit again.

01-09-2009, 04:55 PM
Yeah f*** these tired ass jokes and the f***ing stupid ass people who still think they are funny. I would gladly accept Carl Peterson to be our Owner/GM/President/Head Coach over hearing this retarded shit again.


01-09-2009, 06:24 PM
Jeebus, sportscenter is running a whole reel of Tebow along with some Tebowisms...."Tebow could win at solitaire with only 18 cards", and "Tebow could win at blackjack with just ONE card." That gave me a chuckle.