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View Full Version : Football Steve Smith's guide to baby punching


Ultra Peanut
01-14-2009, 12:03 PM
Holy shit (http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/steve-smith%E2%80%99s-guide-to-baby-punching.html)

STEP TWO: SCOUT THE BABY’S WEAKNESS

STEVE SAYS: “You can’t just go punch a baby right away. You gotta watch them for a bit, so you can pick up on their tendencies. No need to rush. Like this one time, I noticed that whenever this one lady said HOORAY to her baby, the baby raised her arms. That opens up a great path for your fist. So then I went up to the kid and said HOORAY! Then the baby raised her arms and I went BOOM BITCH! Dropped that baby like a damn stone. DAMN, THAT’S GOOD BABY PUNCHING. If that baby didn’t have a shit in her pants before then, she sure did afterwards. AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.”

Pestilence
01-14-2009, 12:12 PM
STEP FIVE: RUN

STEVE SAYS: “You have to be able to run fast, because the second you punch that baby, the crowd is gonna react. I like to run wind sprints all spring long to keep my calves strong. That way, ain’t no mother out there that can catch me. All they can do is yell and say, ‘AHHHH WHY ARE YOU PUNCHING MY BABY?! WHAT KIND OF MAN PUNCHES INNOCENT CHILDREN?! WHY? MY BABY! MY BABY!’ That’s funny. I PUNCHED YOUR BABY BECAUSE YOUR BABY LACKS HEART. SHE WAS JUST LAYING THERE LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. I’M IN THIS LIFE TO WIN! YOUR BABY JUST GOT OUTCLASSED!

“You got a problem with how I do business? No? Because I’ll fucking drive a car over your fucking parents if you do. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME. I AM NOT A NICE PERSON.”
ROFL

Baby Lee
01-14-2009, 12:16 PM
Steve Smith and his son were standing on a hill, and in the valley was a bunch of babies.
Son says "hey dad, how 'bout we run down there and punch one of those babies." Steve says, "no son, let's WALK down there and punch them all!!!"

KCrockaholic
01-14-2009, 12:17 PM
ROFLROFLROFL

That was F***in hilarious

88TG88
01-14-2009, 12:18 PM
Steve Smith and his son were standing on a hill, and in the valley was a bunch of babies.
Son says "hey dad, how 'bout we run down there and punch one of those babies." Steve says, "no son, let's WALK down there and punch them all!!!"

yes

Mr. Plow
01-14-2009, 12:19 PM
ROFL

Gonzo
01-14-2009, 12:20 PM
Why do I not find this the least bit comical?

Pestilence
01-14-2009, 12:21 PM
Why do I not find this the least bit comical?

Steve Smith punched your baby? Or you were punched as a baby?

Rausch
01-14-2009, 12:21 PM
You know why Helen Keller was a bad driver?















'Cause she was a woman...

alpha_omega
01-14-2009, 12:21 PM
Why do I not find this the least bit comical?

Not sure TGG, but i have the same feeling.

blueballs
01-14-2009, 12:22 PM
Toughness is in the mind
not the body
challenge the kid to a spelling bee

Demonpenz
01-14-2009, 12:22 PM
What's brown and rhymes with snoop








dr dre

Baby Lee
01-14-2009, 12:25 PM
What's brown and rhymes with snoop








dr dre

What's green and smells like paint?


Green paint.

beach tribe
01-14-2009, 12:47 PM
When duck fly in a V why is one side always longer than the other?






Because there's more ducks in it.

raybec 4
01-14-2009, 12:53 PM
Steve Smith say its baby-mashing time. ROFL

kysirsoze
01-14-2009, 01:13 PM
http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/38fafce790.jpg (http://www.freeimagehosting.net/)

unothadeal
01-14-2009, 01:16 PM
Is there a story behind this or is it just mindless chatter?

Baby Lee
01-14-2009, 01:19 PM
Is there a story behind this or is it just mindless chatter?

I'm just guessing, but over time on the internets, Steve Smith's little guy with a big ego persona has been morphed into a little thuglifer who takes his compact rage out on the only thing he's bigger than, babies.

Here's hoping, this time around, explaining a joke all of a sudden makes it funny.

unothadeal
01-14-2009, 01:21 PM
I'm just guessing, but over time on the internets, Steve Smith's little guy with a big ego persona has been morphed into a little thuglifer who takes his compact rage out on the only thing he's bigger than, babies.

Here's hoping, this time around, explaining a joke all of a sudden makes it funny.

Works for me.

Reaper16
01-14-2009, 01:24 PM
Is there a story behind this or is it just mindless chatter?
Its Big Daddy Drew, numbskull.

Swanman
01-14-2009, 01:24 PM
I won't say the joke, only the punchline:

Depends on how hard you throw them.


It's quite possibly the most inhumane awful joke ever (and yes, it makes me laugh)

Pestilence
01-14-2009, 01:24 PM
I won't say the joke, only the punchline:

Depends on how hard you throw them.


It's quite possibly the most inhumane awful joke ever (and yes, it makes me laugh)

Now I have to hear the joke.

For some reason I'm thinking.....

How many babys does it take to paint a house?

Swanman
01-14-2009, 01:52 PM
Now I have to hear the joke.

For some reason I'm thinking.....

How many babys does it take to paint a house?

Wow, you are close, it's How many babies does it take to paint a wall. But house could work too.