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ChiTown
01-26-2009, 01:59 PM
So, I work on the 2nd floor of an office complex in Wichita. The 2nd floor has business's like insurance, investment, energy, etc. The 3rd floor is primarily for hair salons, massage therapy, photography, and the like.

Right above my office, there is a hair salon that I go to out of sheer convenience. Earlier today, I hear music blaring above me - fkg rap - and I can't figure wtf is going on. I let it play out for about 10 minutes and then it just starts to fkn annoy me. I'm trying to have a phone conversation and I'm hearing Lil Whayne in the background:cuss:

Anyhoo, I walk up to the 3rd floor salon, and there are no lights on. Initially, I thought maybe they might have some construction workers doing something for them, since they are closed on Monday's - but, where's the lights?. I knock on the door - no answer. I then proceed to walk in and turn the corner to the salon area. And then, I see it. There is a woman, buck naked, blowing a guy in a barber chair. The dude makes eye contact with me.

ChiTown "Uhh, sorry bout that".

Dude: "Uuh, Uuh, babe" (and points at me)

Chick (turning around to see what it is): "F*&^!" (and makes some guttural shrieking noise, while trying to cover herself up)

That's the some total of that conversation. Ok, here's where it get's weird.

A. Fkg lock the gdamn door next time you dumbfug's

B. Chick = Owner of the Salon

C. Dude does not equal her husband, whom I have met before

D. Chick = Gal who cuts my hair

E. I have an appointment with her to cut my hair on Friday:doh!:

Before you ask, yes, she has a very nice ass, and a decent set of knockers. I have totally blocked out any image of the man's penis. I need a drink.........

58-4ever
01-26-2009, 02:01 PM
this thread is worthless without pics.

doomy3
01-26-2009, 02:01 PM
Awesome.

Detoxing
01-26-2009, 02:02 PM
Damn it!

Fish
01-26-2009, 02:02 PM
Ask her if you can also take advantage of the alternate payment method like the last guy did....

KC-TBB
01-26-2009, 02:02 PM
so it's a full service salon?

Demonpenz
01-26-2009, 02:03 PM
Did he cum or what?

58-4ever
01-26-2009, 02:04 PM
this Friday cut is going to be very interesting.

Redrum_69
01-26-2009, 02:04 PM
tell her she better give you the full treatment and the happy ending better be damn good, otherwise you are gonna tell her husband.

58-4ever
01-26-2009, 02:04 PM
maybe she'll shampoo your junk.

Donger
01-26-2009, 02:04 PM
I wonder why she took her clothes off? That isn't required for a BJ, unless there are different requisites in Wichita.

58-4ever
01-26-2009, 02:04 PM
just a little trim?

BigVE
01-26-2009, 02:05 PM
Whoa baby, first time I have literally laughed out loud in a while. Wowzer. LMAO...that's what you get for trespassing!

58-4ever
01-26-2009, 02:05 PM
maybe she got confused when he asked for a blow-dry?

Bowser
01-26-2009, 02:05 PM
BJ and a haircut, two bits!

Planetman
01-26-2009, 02:06 PM
If you're smart, you'll find a new hair stylist before Friday.

ChiTown
01-26-2009, 02:06 PM
I wonder why she took her clothes off? That isn't required for a BJ, unless there are different requisites in Wichita.

My guess, and totally a guess, is that the BJ was a precursor to a nice barber chair fuck.

DaKCMan AP
01-26-2009, 02:06 PM
Nice.

58-4ever
01-26-2009, 02:07 PM
I'll need the address of this shop please. For....just give me the address!!

HemiEd
01-26-2009, 02:08 PM
this Friday cut is going to be very interesting.

Yeah, she should at least rub them on ChiTown a little. :D

Donger
01-26-2009, 02:08 PM
My guess, and totally a guess, is that the BJ was a precursor to a nice barber chair ****.

So you came early?

Goapics1
01-26-2009, 02:10 PM
My guess, and totally a guess, is that the BJ was a precursor to a nice barber chair ****.

So...............was that why Lil Wayne was playin'?

Bowser
01-26-2009, 02:10 PM
Speaking of this, I have heard a rumor of a salon north of the river that doubles as an escort service. I have never tried to confirm said rumor, just passing along what I have heard. And for the sake of continuity, I heard this rumor a few years ago.

Bowser
01-26-2009, 02:10 PM
So...............was that why Lil Wayne was playin'?

She called him so he could make it juicy for her.

Buck
01-26-2009, 02:12 PM
2 Things.

1. Are you married?

2. Worthless w/out Pics

Delano
01-26-2009, 02:13 PM
For your sake, ChiTown, I hope that isn't the only chair.

Dried jizz near your fly is one thing, but dried jizz on the back of your pants may draw unwanted attention.

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 02:14 PM
If you do go to that appointment...I triple dog dare you to carry in a can of
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51K9YXWEQML._SL500_AA280_.jpg

and wipe off the chair before sitting down.

It'll make her feel like an

http://gruntlings.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/clorox_inside.jpg

Jenson71
01-26-2009, 02:14 PM
Well did she at least turn down the music afterwards?

Crush
01-26-2009, 02:14 PM
That is what I call a sticky situation.

Gonzo
01-26-2009, 02:16 PM
Sounds to me like you're getting free haircuts for life dude. I'd also have them throw in some massages etc....

DJ's left nut
01-26-2009, 02:18 PM
Your day > My day

I work in the wrong city.

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 02:18 PM
Sounds to me like you're getting free haircuts for life dude. I'd also have them throw in some massages etc....

You could get some quality entertainment, and free haircuts out of this one.

She's the one that should feel out of place and shitty about this, not you.

Lock the door, dumbass.

Jilly
01-26-2009, 02:20 PM
My guess, and totally a guess, is that the BJ was a precursor to a nice barber chair ****.

I'm not sure how you got that from that, but ok!!


Seriously, though, this story is all too familiar.

ChiTown
01-26-2009, 02:20 PM
2 Things.

1. Are you married?

2. Worthless w/out Pics

1. Faithfully for over 15yrs

2. I'm not sure that the better shot wouldn't have been the look on my face.

Brock
01-26-2009, 02:20 PM
This is what cameraphones are for.

Gonzo
01-26-2009, 02:21 PM
You could get some quality entertainment, and free haircuts out of this one.

She's the one that should feel out of place and shitty about this, not you.

Lock the door, dumbass.

No doubt, I would just go there with a big ass smile on my face, after getting the haircut - shampoo etc, load up on hair styling product. When she gives you a bill, smile and say "Yeah...I don't think so."

58-4ever
01-26-2009, 02:21 PM
1. Faithfully for over 15yrs

2. I'm not sure that the better shot wouldn't have been the look on my face.

the best shot would've been on her face.

Brock
01-26-2009, 02:22 PM
Also, hopefully there's another barber chair available.

Gonzo
01-26-2009, 02:22 PM
I'll need the address of this shop please. For....just give me the address!!

I doubt it'd be that hard to find being at least a three story building in Wichita.

rockymtnchief
01-26-2009, 02:24 PM
You didn't grab a magazine, sit down, and wait for your turn? :)

Demonpenz
01-26-2009, 02:25 PM
If you do go to that appointment...I triple dog dare you to carry in a can of
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51K9YXWEQML._SL500_AA280_.jpg

and wipe off the chair before sitting down.

It'll make her feel like an

http://gruntlings.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/clorox_inside.jpg

i doubt he has a fleshlight

ChiTown
01-26-2009, 02:26 PM
I'm not sure how you got that from that, but ok!!


Seriously, though, this story is all too familiar.

Well, maybe things are different with you and Sully.

a. I don't normally just receive a BJ from Mrs. ChiTown. It's usually part of the meal, not the entire meal.

b. I assumed she was planning to get some for herself since her knickers were on the floor.

c. Familiar? Really? Do tell!:D

Bowser
01-26-2009, 02:26 PM
I'm not sure how you got that from that, but ok!!


Seriously, though, this story is all too familiar.

:hmmm:

Do tell....

Baby Lee
01-26-2009, 02:26 PM
[the wire]I'm just gonna call you Herc from now on[/the wire]

siberian khatru
01-26-2009, 02:28 PM
This whole thread is already hilarious, and this:

so it's a full service salon?

is my favorite of many good lines.

:clap:

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 02:31 PM
You can use the planets help.

We need to assist you in coming up with as many fellatio suggestive every-day conversation lines as we can, and your job is to USE them during your haircut.

Man...the wind sure is BLOWING the snow around today.

mikeyis4dcats.
01-26-2009, 02:31 PM
say, could you see if she has an opening around 10AM on next Monday?

mikeyis4dcats.
01-26-2009, 02:31 PM
now some asshole just needs to figure out which salon this is and call her up.

siberian khatru
01-26-2009, 02:32 PM
the best shot would've been on her face.

Eeeeeeewwwwww! /luv

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 02:32 PM
Do you ever have anyone complain when their haircut just sucks balls, even when it doesn't?

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 02:37 PM
I took my kids to the circus this weekend, and they had an amazing sword swallower that looked just like you.

ChiTown
01-26-2009, 02:37 PM
Do you ever have anyone complain when their haircut just sucks balls, even when it doesn't?

I'm heading out of town tomorrow morning. I have 3 days to devise my plan of attack for Friday's trim.................:D

Jilly
01-26-2009, 02:37 PM
You can use the planets help.

We need to assist you in coming up with as many fellatio suggestive every-day conversation lines as we can, and your job is to USE them during your haircut.

Man...the wind sure is BLOWING the snow around today.

Perhaps this time, you could use a little more creme rinse?

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 02:39 PM
Offer her some chapstick. Don't say anything.


You should probably offer her a tic tac, because when she leans in close to check your bangs on your new ceasar cut, you don't want to be sniffing any cockbreath.

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 02:51 PM
maybe I'll help you with a poem to read her during your trim.


Your husband's day off
home taking a nap.
I couldn't get work done
Interupted by rap.

I came in the walk through
to do bus'ness I was hopin'.
The sign in the window
wasn't all that was open.

I've seen pornos like this
where the chic was the boss
2 enter to disco
and filled her with sauce.

I've consulted urban dictionary
for finishing moves with some power
the dudes give high fives
in one called eiffel tower.

Him from the front
and me from behind
A more lucrative coupon
I'll again never find.

I guess with this photo
There's something to see
Its soothing to know
now my haircuts are free.

Rain Man
01-26-2009, 02:52 PM
You can use the planets help.

We need to assist you in coming up with as many fellatio suggestive every-day conversation lines as we can, and your job is to USE them during your haircut.

Man...the wind sure is BLOWING the snow around today.


Without reading the whole thread,

"Can you give me a blow dry?"

"My hair is a little flat. I'm hoping you can fluff it up."

"I'm just looking for a little trim today."

"What can I get for $25?"

"Can I just get it teased a little?"

Pennywise
01-26-2009, 02:52 PM
Tell her you just got a great deal on your new car.

"I never thought I'd get a hummer so cheap."

ChiTown
01-26-2009, 02:54 PM
maybe I'll help you with a poem to read her during your trim.


Your husband's day off
home taking a nap.
I couldn't get work done
Interupted by rap.

I came in the walk through
to do bus'ness I was hopin'.
The sign in the window
wasn't all that was open.

I've seen pornos like this
where the chic was the boss
2 enter to disco
and filled her with sauce.

I've consulted the urban dictionary
for a finishing move with some power
the dudes give high fives
in one called the eiffel tower.

Him from the front
and me from behind
A more lucrative coupon
I'll again never find.

I guess with this photo
There's something to see
Its soothing to know
now my haircuts are free.

GTFO. Awesome!

ROFLROFLROFLROFL

bowener
01-26-2009, 03:03 PM
Are you single and was her husband a douche?

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 03:06 PM
Complaint department
customer service awesome
head massage welcome

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 03:11 PM
Beauty salons not the same
In the north or the south
They massage your scalp with their fingers
not your head with their mouth.

I've had a trim on the east
high and tight in the west.
The only slight physical contact
the "tip me please" breast.

After a straight razor shave
I've been given a warm towel
But I've never seen one for cleaning
the face paint off the gal.

Men lined up to the street
for the special brow plucking
the economy weak
but your business is sucking.

Pioli Zombie
01-26-2009, 03:12 PM
in conversation, whatever she says, respond with "You said a mouthful"

Fritz88
01-26-2009, 03:35 PM
what's a buck?

raybec 4
01-26-2009, 03:42 PM
I believe through reading other threads it would be proper Chiefs Planet etiquette to immediately discover her husbands identity and snitch her trampy ass out.

Fritz88
01-26-2009, 03:45 PM
I believe through reading other threads it would be proper Chiefs Planet etiquette to immediately discover her husbands identity and snitch her trampy ass out.

not too shabby.

88TG88
01-26-2009, 03:45 PM
No doubt, I would just go there with a big ass smile on my face, after getting the haircut - shampoo etc, load up on hair styling product. When she gives you a bill, smile and say "Yeah...I don't think so."

please do this

Fritz88
01-26-2009, 03:50 PM
No doubt, I would just go there with a big ass smile on my face, after getting the haircut - shampoo etc, load up on hair styling product. When she gives you a bill, smile and say "Yeah...I don't think so."

do it.

blueballs
01-26-2009, 03:51 PM
WHen you go in Friday
ask for a high an tight

Iowanian
01-26-2009, 04:01 PM
"how do you want your cut today" /count suckula

"mmmfff mfmmfmfmfmmfmffff mmfff mmmfffff mmmfffff" /chitown

"what? how do you want your cut today, handsome?" /count suckula

"circumcise me above the ears"

Bowser
01-26-2009, 04:55 PM
You should get a percentage of the new business she pulls in now.

Jilly
01-26-2009, 05:00 PM
do it.

yeah....this. I like this.

bluehawkdoc
01-26-2009, 05:27 PM
Ok, I have been giving this some thought. I think this was a simple misinterpretation of what was truly happening. Obviously, this is one of those "green" salons with "natural" products. This poor salon owner was just in the process of harvesting said product for the next week. It seems reasonable that she would take off her clothes to avoid an expensive trip to the cleaners.

ChiTown, you may want to pass on the "gel" after your cut on Friday. I'm just sayin'...

Baby Lee
01-26-2009, 05:46 PM
I loved 'Happy Days,' when they cheer for Fonzie . . . but boy I liked to boo Chachi.

It's all in the delivery.

Rain Man
01-26-2009, 06:25 PM
please do this

Yes, it appears that Chitown just discovered the secret to having a highly profitable wholesale beauty supply business.

PRIEST
01-26-2009, 06:52 PM
just a little trim?






:clap:

redhed
01-26-2009, 07:37 PM
:D

That is fuggin' awesome!
You should def offer her a tic-tac on Fri. And you should tell her in addition to your usual haircut, your pubes need a trim as well.

CrazyPhuD
01-26-2009, 07:56 PM
ROFL....and people still doubt that stylists are only a small step up from strippers.

bevis369
01-26-2009, 08:07 PM
:clap:

Archie F. Swin
01-26-2009, 08:36 PM
so....by Friday you'll be gettin yourself a Lil' Wayne CD, eh?

Your opening line should be "So, How's (enter husband's name here) been lately?

Coach
01-26-2009, 08:42 PM
No doubt, I would just go there with a big ass smile on my face, after getting the haircut - shampoo etc, load up on hair styling product. When she gives you a bill, smile and say "Yeah...I don't think so."

Ah, blackmailing is such a beautiful thing....

el borracho
01-26-2009, 08:47 PM
Well... everyone else's responses are more humorous but in reality I would suggest you boycott her salon out of moral principle. Nothing funny about someone's wife with a mouthfull of infidelity.

88TG88
01-26-2009, 08:48 PM
Ah, blackmailing is such a beautiful thing....

He's married and I think he loves his wife so getting tang is out. The only other CP approved solution is to get himself some free cuts and make her feel awkward.

Coach
01-26-2009, 08:54 PM
He's married and I think he loves his wife so getting tang is out. The only other CP approved solution is to get himself some free cuts and make her feel awkward.

Wasn't referring to as getting tang. Was referring to getting some free haircuts for life.

Extra Point
01-26-2009, 09:09 PM
Do you think you'll change the way you tip her?

CrazyPhuD
01-26-2009, 09:13 PM
Do you think you'll change the way you tip her?

Maybe he could bring in a cup of plain yogurt as a tip?

boogblaster
01-26-2009, 09:17 PM
You're talkin shit on me sister biotch ... she needs the extra money .. she has a habit ....

Rain Man
01-26-2009, 09:53 PM
In retrospect, you should've suspected something when they started putting out celery and pineapple snacks for the customers.

Iowanian
01-29-2009, 10:28 PM
I'm going to be out most of tomorrow, but I'm very anxious to know how this story ends.

Bowser
01-29-2009, 10:30 PM
I'm going to be out most of tomorrow, but I'm very anxious to know how this story ends.

It better end with Chi gettting at least a free haircut....

Count Alex's Wins
01-29-2009, 10:32 PM
So it does happen...

Count Alex's Wins
01-29-2009, 10:34 PM
In retrospect, you should've suspected something when they started putting out celery and pineapple snacks for the customers.

Nice memory for my Peter North thread.

88TG88
01-30-2009, 02:27 AM
DON'T MISS YOUR APPOINTMENT !!!!!!!

Crush
01-30-2009, 03:39 AM
DON'T MISS YOUR APPOINTMENT !!!!!!!


LMAO

Iowanian
01-30-2009, 07:53 AM
I guess Chi should have waited until she was done to read her my pooem.

http://msp185.photobucket.com/albums/x262/V_FOR_PRESIDENT/605-funny-haircut.jpg

Demonpenz
01-30-2009, 08:36 AM
Nice memory for my Peter North thread.

i think he knew that without that thread. Market researching get dizzown like that.

HOLLA AT YOUR DEMOGRAPHIC

Rain Man
01-30-2009, 09:44 AM
Yep, this is the big day. Let us know how it goes, or at least point us to the Penthouse Letter where you describe it.

Rain Man
01-30-2009, 09:44 AM
i think he knew that without that thread. Market researching get dizzown like that.

HOLLA AT YOUR DEMOGRAPHIC



We are indeed a diversified research firm.

Baby Lee
01-30-2009, 09:49 AM
We are indeed a diversified research firm.

http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/05/15/conchords.jpg
Band Meeting
Rainman?

Here

DaFace?

Also Here

All right, item one, the jizz account?

Coogs
01-30-2009, 09:54 AM
Damn Chitown!

Wasn't it you that looked out your window a year or two ago and witnessed a similar scene taking place in someones BMW?

Some guys have all the luck.

:clap::clap::clap:

dirk digler
01-30-2009, 09:58 AM
Wow great story I can't wait to hear what happens today. I have a feeling she may call in sick

Rain Man
01-30-2009, 10:00 AM
Chitown should take in some raunchy magazine showing the act, and then pretend to start reading it when she starts his haircut.

Kerberos
01-30-2009, 10:03 AM
Wow great story I can't wait to hear what happens today. I have a feeling she may call in sick

You've obviously never owned your own business?

Maybe some owners can call in sick but I couldn't do that when I owned my own business.





ChiTown ......If you strike up a conversation ask her if she's ever seen the movie "BlackCock Down".

Frazod
01-30-2009, 10:07 AM
OMG how did I miss this? LMAO

Dude, you absolutely HAVE to keep your appointment, if for no other reason than to let us know her reaction.

Although I'd make sure there are other people in the salon in case she wants to go Sweeney Todd on your ass.

Mr. Kansasski
01-30-2009, 11:22 AM
Just checking in on update to this unfolding story......

Frazod
01-30-2009, 12:54 PM
You know, the more I think about this, the more I'm pretty convinced that if I was ChiTown, I would not let this woman get behind me while she had a sharp object in her hand. :eek:

ChiTown
01-30-2009, 01:20 PM
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later todayROFL

Rain Man
01-30-2009, 01:25 PM
Did you get a free head massage?

loochy
01-30-2009, 01:26 PM
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later todayROFL


Oh come on man. You've got us here on the edges of our seats and you say wait until later. You are just as bad as an NBA game with all its timeouts in the last minute.

DaKCMan AP
01-30-2009, 01:27 PM
Did you get free head?

:eek:

Frazod
01-30-2009, 01:29 PM
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later todayROFL

You bastard! You'd better not leave us in the lurch for too long. :D

Mr. Kansasski
01-30-2009, 01:54 PM
C'mon us fellow Wichititians need to know!!!

88TG88
01-30-2009, 03:04 PM
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later todayROFL

If you're messing with us this will not end well.

burt
01-30-2009, 03:08 PM
If you're messing with us this will not end well.

Not at all,...quick let's gather some of the "regulators" um sorry supporters....the athletic ones........

Thig Lyfe
01-30-2009, 03:40 PM
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later todayROFL

The amazing story...

AFTER THESE MESSAGES

DaFace
01-30-2009, 04:16 PM
The amazing story...

AFTER THESE MESSAGES

The popcorn you're eating has been pissed in. Film at 11.

Extra Point
01-30-2009, 04:49 PM
"Film at 11."

That's a scary thought. What time was his appointment?

ChiTown
01-30-2009, 04:55 PM
Alrighty then.................

So, I have a message on my office phone this morning - it's from Chick.

Chick leaves a message that she is confirming said haircut for this morning at 11am, and that she would like to speak to me prior to that, if possible. Ah, shit. Look, I really don't give a F about her explanation, I'm just hopeful I can get her to cut my hair nude, in my office. Anyway, I oblige, and she comes down to my office around 9am this morning. Chick knocks on my door, and she comes into my office. Now, generally, she wears rather revealing clothes to show off her rack, but not today. Chick was in full Schoolmarm garb. LOL.

She has this whole, I know I got caught with a cock on my mouth, look on her face, and it's making me very uncomfortable - mainly because it wasn't my cock.:p She proceeds to tell me that she and her husband have been having marital issues. Really, I'd have never guessed. I mean, I just figured she was using the guy in the barber chair to scratch her itchy tonsils. Well, chick proceeds to piss and moan like I'm her girlfriend. I look at my watch, hoping she'll take the hint. Backfire, she then turns on the eye faucets.

Chick - "I'm not a slut!"

ChiTown (looking about uncomfortably) - "No Problem"

Chick - "I'm not!"

Chi - "ok"

Chick - "You should have knocked!"

Chi - "I did, and you should have locked the door"

Chick - "I'm so EMBARRASSED"

Chi - "Yeah, well, if it's any consolation, you have a nice ass"LMAO

Chick - (more tears)

Chi - "alright, well I guess I'll see you at 11?" (knock, knock, knock)

OK, with the excitement of today, I sort of forgot that my wife was coming by my office around 9:30 so we could go to my son's classroom play together. F*&^! Chick sees wife - wife sees chick who has been crying - chick scurries out of office. This isn't going to end well, and my penis never even got out of my pants.

Chi - "Hey"

Wife - "........................."

Chi - "you ready to go?"

Wife - (looking for blunt object in my office to beat me with) "NO! WTF was that?"

Ok, at this point, I can't decide whether it would just be easier to lie and to say it was me in the barber chair, or to tell the truth while she's calls me a liar. Seriously, what woman is going to believe this shit.

Chi - "We're going to be late"

Wife - "Fuck You! What was that all about?"

Normally, I get turned on when my wife talks dirty, but somehow, my penis was going inverted at this point.

Chi - (blurting out the truth) "She gave a BJ to some guy in her barber chair and I watched.................." FUCK! Not watched you dumbass, SAW!

Wife - "You watched!" (Tears)

OK, at this point, I'm pretty sure my son will be without one or both parents at his class play. All b/c his Dad didn't get a blow job, but bore witness to one.

Chi - "SAW, not watched, SAW!"

Wife - (Cussing and crying - all very inaudible)

Chi - "Well, we need to go if we're going to........"

Wife - "BS, I can't believe you are cheating on me with a stripper"

This really sucks, ya know. First of all, she's a beauty technician, not a stripper - so I was a little offended by that. 2ndly, I NEVER FKG CHEATED, GAWDAMNIT! Nevertheless, my marriage of 15+ years, is about to go down in flames in less than 15 minutes. Short of a Nuclear Holocaust blowing through Wichita, I thought this whole sequence was going rather well....

Chi - "She cuts my hair - THAT's all"

Wife - (she's now on her cell phone - I had no idea she had our lawyer on speed dial)

Chi - "Hun?"

Wife -"I don't want to be around you. I'm going to the play, and would prefer if you didn't go" (office door slams shut)

Swellsville. Fuck it. I have half of a mind to go up to Chick's shop and get the BJ that my wife thinks I have already received. At least I wouldn't be lying in her eyes at that point.

Chi - (phoning the hair salon) "yeah, I need to cancel my appointment for today"

Phone Hooker (IQ of 3) - Would you like to reschedule, Mr. ChiTown?

:evil:

Chi - "No. Not until that marriage wrecking, cock sucker leaves your salon"

Phone Hooker - "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh", I don't understand (click)

Pestilence
01-30-2009, 04:58 PM
HOLY. SHIT.

That did not go like I expected it to go.

Rain Man
01-30-2009, 05:03 PM
While I'm sorry to hear that it's destroying your marriage, I have to guffaw at the situation. You've had a knack for bad timing this week.

DaneMcCloud
01-30-2009, 05:05 PM
First of all, she's a beauty technician, not a stripper

Mistake #1.

I've said here before and I'll say it again: Hairdressers are nearly synonymous with strippers. I've even known hairdressers that strip on amateur nights.

My current hairdresser wears high heels, short shorts and totally tight shirts to show off her fake tits. As a matter of fact, the entire salon is filled with women dressed exactly the same.

Baby Lee
01-30-2009, 05:05 PM
Chitown's maxim, if life gives you lemons, the citric acid will somehow melt your entire house.

Rain Man
01-30-2009, 05:05 PM
Oh, and when you explain it to your wife, remember this: you saw the action at 9:00 this morning, and she came down as soon as she got dressed. Then don't ever let your wife visit Chiefsplanet.

88TG88
01-30-2009, 05:05 PM
LMAO

Good shit man, did you really tell her she had a nice ass ?

oh and sorry about the marriage thing

HemiEd
01-30-2009, 05:05 PM
Damn Chi, you can't make that shit up. Wow, you need to get better at hiding shit from your wife, and lie more. Best of luck with this, damn.

88TG88
01-30-2009, 05:06 PM
Mistake #1.

I've said here before and I'll say it again: Hairdressers are nearly synonymous with strippers. I've even known hairdressers that strip on amateur nights.

hmmmm

I'm gonna need names, numbers and pictures for verification.

burt
01-30-2009, 05:08 PM
OK, with the excitement of today, I sort of forgot that my wife was coming by my office around 9:30 so we could go to my son's classroom play together. F*&^! Chick sees wife - wife sees chick who has been crying - chick scurries out of office. This isn't going to end well, and my penis never even got out of my pants.

Chi - "Hey"

Wife - "........................."

Chi - "you ready to go?"

Wife - (looking for blunt object in my office to beat me with) "NO! WTF was that?"

Ok, at this point, I can't decide whether it would just be easier to lie and to say it was me in the barber chair, or to tell the truth while she's calls me a liar. Seriously, what woman is going to believe this shit.

Chi - "We're going to be late"

Wife - "**** You! What was that all about?"

Normally, I get turned on when my wife talks dirty, but somehow, my penis was going inverted at this point.

Chi - (blurting out the truth) "She gave a BJ to some guy in her barber chair and I watched.................." ****! Not watched you dumbass, SAW!

Wife - "You watched!" (Tears)

OK, at this point, I'm pretty sure my son will be without one or both parents at his class play. All b/c his Dad didn't get a blow job, but bore witness to one.

Chi - "SAW, not watched, SAW!"

Wife - (Cussing and crying - all very inaudible)

Chi - "Well, we need to go if we're going to........"

Wife - "BS, I can't believe you are cheating on me with a stripper"

This really sucks, ya know. First of all, she's a beauty technician, not a stripper - so I was a little offended by that. 2ndly, I NEVER FKG CHEATED, GAWDAMNIT! Nevertheless, my marriage of 15+ years, is about to go down in flames in less than 15 minutes. Short of a Nuclear Holocaust blowing through Wichita, I thought this whole sequence was going rather well....

Chi - "She cuts my hair - THAT's all"

Wife - (she's now on her cell phone - I had no idea she had our lawyer on speed dial)

Chi - "Hun?"

Wife -"I don't want to be around you. I'm going to the play, and would prefer if you didn't go" (office door slams shut)

Swellsville. **** it. I have half of a mind to go up to Chick's shop and get the BJ that my wife thinks I have already received. At least I wouldn't be lying in her eyes at that point.

Chi - (phoning the hair salon) "yeah, I need to cancel my appointment for today"

Phone Hooker (IQ of 3) - Would you like to reschedule, Mr. ChiTown?

:evil:

Chi - "No. Not until that marriage wrecking, cock sucker leaves your salon"

Phone Hooker - "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh", I don't understand (click)

Until now I didn't realize that Mrs. T.B.A. had a sister......

Thig Lyfe
01-30-2009, 05:10 PM
Dayum.

burt
01-30-2009, 05:15 PM
Chi, I need help dealing with your sister in law...Mrs. T.B.A.....tell me how you plan to deal with YOUR predicament. I will make it fit my current criteria.

ChiTown
01-30-2009, 05:17 PM
Chi, I need help dealing with your sister in law...Mrs. T.B.A.....tell me how you plan to deal with YOUR predicament. I will make it fit my current criteria.

Do yourself a favor - shoot yourself in the face. STAT!

DaneMcCloud
01-30-2009, 05:20 PM
Do yourself a favor - shoot yourself in the face. STAT!

Good luck, Dude.

If I told my wife that I walked in on my hairdresser giving some dude a blowjob, she's say "Alright."

And that would be the end of it.

burt
01-30-2009, 05:21 PM
Do yourself a favor - shoot yourself in the face. STAT!

On our 14th anniversary, I told her..."Being married to you has been the best 12 years of my life....the other 2 have sucked....you know a couple of shitty months here, a couple there...." She was NOT amused.

Yeah, you're right, shoulda shot myself in the face.

Boys, if you're not married, remember Marriage is like drugs.

































JUST SAY NO!!!!

burt
01-30-2009, 05:22 PM
Good luck, Dude.

If I told my wife that I walked in on my hairdresser giving some dude a blowjob, she's say "Alright."

And that would be the end of it.

Actually, mine too.....just before she punted my testicles. Her philosophy is: If I may have done debauchery....I did.

DaneMcCloud
01-30-2009, 05:26 PM
Actually, mine too.....just before she punted my testicles. Her philosophy is: If I may have done debauchery....I did.

Ouch

burt
01-30-2009, 05:44 PM
Ouch

It's not my fault that I am this goddamn good looking.....

DaneMcCloud
01-30-2009, 05:45 PM
It's not my fault that I am this goddamn good looking.....

It's a curse

burt
01-30-2009, 05:47 PM
It's a curse

She's an 8, I am a 4...yet she thinks I can have any woman....shit, I don't have the answer....

stevieray
01-30-2009, 05:54 PM
this thread is awesome.
i

Frazod
01-30-2009, 06:59 PM
Well, your impending divorce has certainly tempered the humor of this thread. :spock:

FWIW, my wife thought it was a funny story.....

Donger
01-30-2009, 07:09 PM
Well, that was rather anticlimactic.

Frazod
01-30-2009, 07:13 PM
BTW, ChiTown, you might want to consider having her read this thread. That just might absolve you.

Buck
01-30-2009, 07:14 PM
HOC Worthy.

ChiTown, you may need to man up and show your wife this thread as evidence.

Make sure you edit your last post, and T.B.A. needs to unquote the quote of that post.

You'll be golden...well other than the fact that you can never post here again.

Donger
01-30-2009, 07:15 PM
BTW, ChiTown, you might want to consider having her read this thread. That just might absolve you.

:spock:

"So, you thought you'd have a good laugh with your retarded CP buddies, but you didn't tell ME about this?!?!?!?!?!"

No.

kstater
01-30-2009, 07:17 PM
this thread is awesome.
i

A man's marital problems amuse you?

Count Alex's Wins
01-30-2009, 07:26 PM
Let me get this straight:

You're getting a divorce, and should be free to fuck who you please, but your wife is still mad that you potentially got a blowjob from a stripper? Why? It's not like you plan on staying together, right? It would be one thing if she saw it as an opportunity to get more money - i.e. my client's husband has been screwing a stripper and is guilty of infidelity - but she was getting upset over it, correct? But calling the lawyer at the same time? I don't get it.

Buck
01-30-2009, 07:28 PM
Let me get this straight:

You're getting a divorce, and should be free to **** who you please, but your wife is still mad that you potentially got a blowjob from a stripper? Why? It's not like you plan on staying together, right? It would be one thing if she saw it as an opportunity to get more money - i.e. my client's husband has been screwing a stripper and is guilty of infidelity - but she was getting upset over it, correct? But calling the lawyer at the same time? I don't get it.

Unless I missed something, I don't think he said he was getting divorced. Then again I haven't read over half the posts in this thread so...

Mr. Plow
01-30-2009, 07:30 PM
She's an 8, I am a 4...yet she thinks I can have any woman....shit, I don't have the answer....

I've never understood that about my wife. Nobody wants a balding 31 year old man with 4 kids and a beer belly. Well, my friends slut girlfriend does, but other than that.

JASONSAUTO
01-30-2009, 07:30 PM
Unless I missed something, I don't think he said he was getting divorced. Then again I haven't read over half the posts in this thread so...

you're right, wpi is on it though:doh!:

Mr. Plow
01-30-2009, 07:31 PM
PS.....

Why do nearly all women lack the common sense gene?

Count Alex's Wins
01-30-2009, 07:33 PM
Unless I missed something, I don't think he said he was getting divorced. Then again I haven't read over half the posts in this thread so...

Oh, then disregard. But it sure makes her behavior seem odd. Like she doesn't even trust him at his word. I mean she was CRYING?

Donger
01-30-2009, 07:34 PM
Oh, then disregard. But it sure makes her behavior seem odd. Like she doesn't even trust him at his word. I mean she was CRYING?

Idiot.

Coach
01-30-2009, 07:35 PM
Idiot.

This x 2

Buck
01-30-2009, 07:36 PM
ROFL @ u guys...

Mr. Plow
01-30-2009, 07:52 PM
ROFL @ u guys...

Stop laughing at us......you went to a gay bar.

88TG88
01-30-2009, 08:12 PM
Stop laughing at us......you went to a gay bar.

PWNED

Extra Point
01-30-2009, 08:16 PM
No further proof required that this is HOC material, and that all HOC material must be copyrighted.

el borracho
01-30-2009, 08:18 PM
WTF is the matter with everyone around you? Your wife called you a liar and burst into tears because some random woman was in your office crying? That is seriously disturbed behavior.

Iowanian
01-30-2009, 08:24 PM
You poor, poor bastard.

On a lighter note, after being gone on a day long work trip, and getting a call 10 minutes before I got home, and giving some people permission to come to our house to see something when I got there.....between bath and bed time...apparently which is a poor decision on my part......I'll let bride owanian read your predicament, and I still might have a chance to score tonight.


have mrschitown create an account and we'll fix her wagon right up for you, pal.


This wasn't the ending I had hoped for you. I hoped for bad jokes, awkward silences, stammering excuses, blushing....and you laughing, which lead to me laughing.

KCTitus
01-30-2009, 08:33 PM
Damn...sorry to read that, ChiTown. I hope you and Mrs. ChiTown can fix this.

Iowanian
01-30-2009, 08:36 PM
Just have her smell yo dick.

Mr. Plow
01-30-2009, 08:38 PM
Just have her smell yo dick.


:D

cabletech94
01-30-2009, 08:41 PM
Hey Chitown, I may not be Mr. Marriage Guru, but the only way to solve this is to make an appointment with stripper/stylest and then surprise the Mrs with what you have in store, a meeting of the minds with full disclosure. Not only will it make you a good guy, but maybe you'll get a 3way out of it.
Or an icepick to the neck.
Best wishes.

Iowanian
01-30-2009, 08:58 PM
"SAW" "SAW"....not watched.... "SAW"

Chitown slips up, bigtime
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/s8EnaLn-OlU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/s8EnaLn-OlU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Buehler445
01-30-2009, 09:08 PM
SHIT Chitown. Hopefully shit blows over with your wife. Seriously. I'd hate for something bad to come of this. Bad jokes and awkward silence would have been better.

burt
01-30-2009, 09:45 PM
I've never understood that about my wife. Nobody wants a balding 31 year old man with 4 kids and a beer belly. Well, my friends slut girlfriend does, but other than that.

In my case add 17 years!

ChiTown
01-30-2009, 09:46 PM
Update:o:-)

It's all good with the Mrs.

I had a chance to CALMLY talk with her as to what happened. She actually just listened vs trying to assume a bunch of shit. Apparently, this week, one of the teachers she works with just found out her husband was cheating on her (not with my ex-hairdresser, heh). Obviously, my office encounter fed right in to her cheating husband story she had heard early in the week. BTW, the speed dial to the Lawyer was just a joke on my part. It seemed apropos, at the time, given the absolute abortion of a situation I was in. Sorry for the confusion.

What a bizarre week.........

KCTitus
01-30-2009, 09:50 PM
It's all good with the Mrs.

What a bizarre week.........

So did you get to PIIHB?

ChiTown
01-30-2009, 09:52 PM
So did you get to PIIHB?

Heh, it hasn't been that bizarre..........:LOL:

KCTitus
01-30-2009, 09:53 PM
Heh, it hasn't been that bizarre..........:LOL:

LOL...you never know.

burt
01-30-2009, 09:53 PM
Update:o:-)

It's all good with the Mrs.

I had a chance to CALMLY talk with her as to what happened. She actually just listened vs trying to assume a bunch of shit. Apparently, this week, one of the teachers she works with just found out her husband was cheating on her (not with my ex-hairdresser, heh). Obviously, my office encounter fed right in to her cheating husband story she had heard early in the week. BTW, the speed dial to the Lawyer was just a joke on my part. It seemed apropos, at the time, given the absolute abortion of a situation I was in. Sorry for the confusion.

What a bizarre week.........

F**K you........I'm still in the dog house.

dirk digler
01-30-2009, 09:55 PM
Good to hear everything went well with the boss lady Chi.

Now are going to reschedule your appointment? :D

ChiTown
01-30-2009, 09:57 PM
Good to hear everything went well with the boss lady Chi.

Now are going to reschedule your appointment? :D

:hmmm:

Not sure you caught the part where I indirectly called her a cock sucking whore. Although, in some relationships, that sort of vernacular is considered foreplay........

burt
01-30-2009, 09:59 PM
:hmmm:

Not sure you caught the part where I indirectly called her a cock sucking whore. ......

You almost made that sound negative.......

dirk digler
01-30-2009, 10:01 PM
:hmmm:

Not sure you caught the part where I indirectly called her a cock sucking whore. Although, in some relationships, that sort of vernacular is considered foreplay........

And that is a bad thing? :)

ChiTown
01-30-2009, 10:02 PM
You almost made that sound negative.......

Yeah, I often wish my wife emulated that sort of lifestyle at home (with me ;) )..........

burt
01-30-2009, 10:04 PM
Yeah, I often wish my wife emulated that sort of lifestyle at home (with me ;) )..........

Hell, I'd be glad if the (with me ;) ), was occasional! Guess it's obvious why were fussin.

Buehler445
01-30-2009, 10:07 PM
Glad to hear she didn't cut your nuts off with a wooden spoon, Chitown. TBA....best of luck.

burt
01-30-2009, 10:08 PM
Glad to hear she didn't cut your nuts off with a wooden spoon, Chitown. TBA....best of luck.

Hell, I didn't even get to see a blow job! And thanks for the luck.

philfree
01-30-2009, 10:18 PM
WTF is the matter with everyone around you? Your wife called you a liar and burst into tears because some random woman was in your office crying? That is seriously disturbed behavior.

No that's just female behavior. My wife will wake up mad after a random dream about some unknown women an me. Women are insecure.......and insecure about their insecurity.




PhilFree:arrow:

DaFace
01-30-2009, 10:22 PM
Good to hear things aren't going to end up being nasty. This thread REALLY needs to be in the HOC, but I wouldn't feel right about if it had ruined your marriage or something. :)

kregger
01-30-2009, 10:39 PM
Best thread of the year! Shit, I haven't laughed like this in a while. Definitely HOC.
Glad to hear your wife chilled, ChiTown.

Nzoner
01-30-2009, 11:46 PM
Focking HOC all the way,I would've chimed in before now but was too riveted waiting for the next chapter.

Good luck Chi

HemiEd
01-30-2009, 11:56 PM
Stop laughing at us......you went to a gay bar.

Don't forget about Mom having to pick him up.

*edit* Glad things are cool Chi!

burt
01-31-2009, 10:10 AM
EPILOG: My Mrs. raped me this morning....feelin' better here.......

Ari Chi3fs
01-31-2009, 10:27 AM
so did they turn down the music?

stevieray
01-31-2009, 10:39 AM
A man's marital problems amuse you?

the story is hilarious..I had no doubt that chi would smooth it over after being married for fifteen plus years and the incident basically being bad timing.

but ya, you got me.. a long time firend from the planet breaking up with his wife is what I live for..



c'mon, man...:rolleyes:

Nzoner
01-31-2009, 10:43 AM
EPILOG: My Mrs. raped me this morning....feelin' better here.......

I got a feeling my mrs is gonna rape me today too,she's dragging my ass to Legends Mall.

burt
01-31-2009, 10:44 AM
the story is hilarious..I had no doubt that chi would smooth it over after being married for fifteen plus years and the incident basically being bad timing.

but ya, you got me.. a long time firend from the planet breaking up with his wife is what I live for..



c'mon, man...:rolleyes:

Seems to be bag on stevieray month. Thank goodness it's almost over, cause I am always glad to see your posts.

burt
01-31-2009, 10:45 AM
I got a feeling my mrs is gonna rape me today too,she's dragging my ass to Legends Mall.

Oh no....beware of financial aids.......that can happen from a raping at Legends. Would it be considered a legendary raping?

Buehler445
01-31-2009, 10:53 AM
EPILOG: My Mrs. raped me this morning....feelin' better here.......

Glad to hear it dude.

Chief Henry
01-31-2009, 11:13 AM
This story needs to be sent into the writers to "All my Children"...

Chi - What an incredible story. Glad to hear Mrs. Chi is now cool with your story.

I wonder how many Chiefs planet slobs will now head to Wichita for a cut ?

Nice job outta you for sharing this story.

Sam Hall
02-17-2009, 09:11 PM
ROFL at the opening post

badgirl
04-28-2009, 07:52 AM
LMAO I would watch her with the sissors if she knows you know her husand and caught her in the middle of a fling. I would let someone else cut my hair next time if I was you.

ChiTown
05-04-2010, 05:04 PM
LMFAO

Slurpy had closed her shop down last year - not sure whether that was financial or sexually induced. At any rate, she is now working for one of the beauticians on the 3rd floor of my building

Ya know, my hair is getting a bit long over the ears..........better call for a trim.

:D

Coach
10-19-2010, 04:44 PM
I propose this is ChiTown's smilie.

http://i155.photobucket.com/albums/s313/jbleinweber/Emoticons/in-n-out-1.gif