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View Full Version : Football Kurt Warner: "God Is To Blame For This Loss"


Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 03:44 PM
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/2/2/14646/04636/676/691903

Tampa, FL (KE) -- Kurt Warner, the 37-year-old veteran quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals, blamed the Christian God for the team's heartbreaking loss to the Pittsburg Steelers in Sunday night's Superbowl XLIII. Speaking to a pool of gathered reporters outside the team's locker room, Warner stated, "I always credit God for my victories and earlier this week I said I had an advantage in tonight's game because of the power of Jesus. Clearly, however, Jesus let me down. And so I am not responsible for tonight's loss. If you want someone to blame, this one is 100% on the man upstairs."

For a while, it appeared that God would give the Cardinals their first Superbowl win in franchise history. But with time running out at the end of the second half, the Steelers, trailing by a field goal, managed to score the game-winning touchdown.

"Did you see the way that Santonio Holmes came down with that ball?" Warner asked sports reporters incredulously after the Superbowl. "Both his feet touched the inside of the endzone before he went flying out of bounds. You can clearly tell that invisible angels pushed his toes into the turf to give him that touchdown completion. Clearly, God made us lose."

God's abandonment of Kurt Warner and the Arizona Cardinals was foreshadowed at the end of the first half, when Warner attempted a touchdown pass from the Steelers' one yard line, which was intercepted by Harrison and run back for a 100-yard interception return and a touchdown. "That's really when I started to suspect that God and Jesus had forsaken me," Warner admits. "I walked in the faith of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. And how does he repay me? By feeding the fucking ball to Harrison and turning a Cardinal touchdown into a Steeler touchdown like it was water turning into wine."

Warner is also quick to notice that if that play had not been intercepted, the Cardinals would have won by ten points instead of losing by four. "God cost us the Superbowl," Warner stated, matter-of-factly. "It's as simple as that."

kstater
02-02-2009, 03:46 PM
LMAO

MikeMaslowski
02-02-2009, 03:50 PM
I guess i should have a better sense of humor but this is stupid....

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 03:50 PM
I guess i should have a better sense of humor but this is stupid....

Apparently god blessed you with a stick up your ass...

thurman merman
02-02-2009, 03:51 PM
repost.

wait. no, just another retard saying the same thing.

Rausch
02-02-2009, 03:52 PM
It was better when the onion did it after the Pats SB loss...

MikeMaslowski
02-02-2009, 03:52 PM
Apparently god blessed you with a stick up your ass...

dammit... dont give me a reason not to like you..

i dont wanna be seen as trendy..

Baby Lee
02-02-2009, 03:54 PM
Pales in comparison to Isaac 'I survived my car wreck, but Derrick Thomas died, because Jesus digs me' Bruce.

http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/sports/2000/01/26/2000-01-26_bruce_prays_for_derrick___is.html

Bruce had the car in cruise control at 80 miles an hour and neither he nor Sharpe was wearing a seat belt. When the left rear tire blew, he put his foot on the break to disengage the cruise control and slow the car. But that only sent it out of control. Just as the car began to go into a spin, Bruce took his hands off the steering wheel and shouted, "Jesus." No one can tell him that the call didn't protect him.

. . . .

Bruce was asked how Thomas could be so horribly injured.

"I don't think that was God's will. God is a good God of peace and mercy. God's will is for him to be healed," he said. "Had he called on Him, he'd be fine. He'd be here this weekend."

bluehawkdoc
02-02-2009, 03:54 PM
I would be very careful. Whether you believe in God is your choice but mocking Him is just plain stupid.

Phobia
02-02-2009, 03:54 PM
I wanted it to be funny but it was forced and predictable. I'm not offended in the slightest, just had higher expectations.

unothadeal
02-02-2009, 03:55 PM
It's funny EVERY TIME!

Brock
02-02-2009, 03:56 PM
Still dumb.

Braincase
02-02-2009, 04:02 PM
God is also reported to have claimed that colon cancer and colostomies have reduced the number of functional sphincters, but Clayton Wendler makes up for it by being a really big asshole.

BigVE
02-02-2009, 04:09 PM
Jesus hates Kurt Warner and his wife...we already knew that.

FAX
02-02-2009, 04:09 PM
When a man detracts from another man's beliefs, he does not make that man poorer. Only himself.

FAX

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 04:11 PM
When a man detracts from another man's beliefs, he does not make that man poorer. Only himself.

FAX

Yeah but it's still amusing.

Micjones
02-02-2009, 04:12 PM
*Starts to respond, but walks quietly out of the thread with more important questions*

"When's the presser this week?"

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 04:14 PM
God is also reported to have claimed that colon cancer and colostomies have reduced the number of functional sphincters, but Clayton Wendler makes up for it by being a really big asshole.

It's funny to watch you get all riled up by religious jokes. What's the deal with using my name? LMAO

Mr. Flopnuts
02-02-2009, 04:14 PM
Whoever wrote this, reads the planet.

mikey23545
02-02-2009, 04:32 PM
Die in a fire, you stupid cunt.

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 04:52 PM
Die in a fire, you stupid cunt.

LMAO

I'll always love you.

booger
02-02-2009, 04:58 PM
Claythan the hemroid hitman strikes again

theorangelion
02-02-2009, 04:59 PM
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man sows, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6:7:fire:

Basileus777
02-02-2009, 05:03 PM
god sucks

booger
02-02-2009, 05:03 PM
Claybashing is not a crime

booger
02-02-2009, 05:06 PM
Until you shoot your load on the belly of Lisa Lampinelli you have not arrived.

Mars72
02-02-2009, 05:08 PM
Exactly why I don't like Warner. God doesn't care who wins a football game.

booger
02-02-2009, 05:12 PM
Don't call him Jehovah Boy. He prefers Nick's Witness.

MikeMaslowski
02-02-2009, 05:12 PM
Exactly why I don't like Warner. God doesn't care who wins a football game.

I hope my sarcasm meter is broken.

Basileus777
02-02-2009, 05:12 PM
Exactly why I don't like Warner. God doesn't care who wins a football game.

How do you know what god cares about?

booger
02-02-2009, 05:15 PM
How do you know what god cares about?

He subscribes to the premium forum

Basileus777
02-02-2009, 05:18 PM
He subscribes to the premium forum

WPI has a direct connection to god? That explains a lot actually. Nick Athan is just a misunderstood prophet.

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 05:20 PM
WPI has a direct connection to god? That explains a lot actually. Nick "The Erroneous One" Athan is just a misunderstood prophet.

We have 144,000 premium subscribers.

booger
02-02-2009, 05:20 PM
Those kids are crazy and sing scary songs over there.

This is just part of a creepy one I heard when i did the free trial:

Claythan loves Nick yes we know
For Jack Harry tells us so
la la la lala la la............

It goes on but thats all i remember from the nightmares.

booger
02-02-2009, 05:21 PM
WPI has a direct connection to god? That explains a lot actually. Nick "The Erroneous One" Athan is just a misunderstood prophet.

Don't listen to their teachings. They secretly worship Tom Cruise.

Basileus777
02-02-2009, 05:22 PM
We have 144,000 premium subscribers.

And people say god doesn't care about football. Truly he has blessed Warpaint Illustrated. Be proud, for you are doing the lord's work Claytan.

MikeMaslowski
02-02-2009, 05:25 PM
hmm...

Basileus777
02-02-2009, 05:28 PM
We need to record Athan's words. When the rapture comes we will need to know the secret message behind Athan's teachings. What does Saunders is going to Detroit really mean? Just what deal is done?

booger
02-02-2009, 05:28 PM
clayhatesvaginas.org

booger
02-02-2009, 05:30 PM
We need to record Athan's words. When the rapture comes we will need to know the secret message behind Athan's teachings. What does Saunders is going to Detroit really mean? Just what deal is done?

Adam Shefter will take care of Nick.

We just need to get Clay's cherry popped and all of mankind will be ok. But only then will he truly see the light.

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 05:32 PM
We just need to get Clay's cherry popped and all of mankind will be ok.

Behold! My penis is the second coming!

kc-nd
02-02-2009, 05:32 PM
Not impressed.

booger
02-02-2009, 05:33 PM
Behold! My penis is the second coming!

Before you get too excited you must know it has to be a female. No exceptions.

MikeMaslowski
02-02-2009, 05:34 PM
Adam Shefter will take care of Nick.

We just need to get Clay's cherry popped and all of mankind will be ok. But only then will he truly see the light.

How anyone could not have tasted the sweet nectar by now is just lost on me.... He must try not to get laid, for some reason, maybe to write about.

Basileus777
02-02-2009, 05:36 PM
How anyone could not have tasted the sweet nectar by now is just lost on me.... He must try not to get laid, for some reason, maybe to write about.

The Lord has a plan for him. Clearly he is being kept pure for a reason.

booger
02-02-2009, 05:37 PM
How anyone could not have tasted the sweet nectar by now is just lost on me.... He must try not to get laid, for some reason, maybe to write about.

He just cannot except that chicks don't dig WPI. Plus i heard he's a smelly kid.

blueballs
02-02-2009, 05:41 PM
with Claythan's history
how can evangelist not be in his future
or monk

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 05:44 PM
I just showered. I'm lily fresh.

MikeMaslowski
02-02-2009, 05:50 PM
I'm lily fresh.

Thats why you haven't gotten laid. In my 10 years of pussy, (I'm only 24) I have never said that... good effin luck weirdo

---------------

Dammit, I hate being negative... do you have a penis? If you do.. I think the rule is, just pull it out for like 100 chicks, 1 is bound to suck it...

give it a shot! It couldn't hurt, and if you got arrested, at least you could get laid in prison.

Dick Bull
02-02-2009, 05:52 PM
The Lord has a plan for him. Clearly he is being kept pure for a reason.


Absolutely. He makes real men laugh.

Dave Lane
02-02-2009, 06:07 PM
Repost!! Well sorta :)

kstater
02-02-2009, 06:16 PM
We have 144,000 premium subscribers.

The entire scout network doesn't count.

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 06:17 PM
The entire scout network doesn't count.

Read a bible. Then you might get the joke.

chiefzilla1501
02-02-2009, 06:58 PM
I don't have problems with people bashing religion. I think that, for the most part, much of it is hypocritical, especially people who hide behind it and then do quite the other.

But bashing on a person because of their faith is another thing entirely. Sure, Warner talks a lot about his religion, but it's interesting that you conveniently left out that he also uses his religious beliefs as a backdrop for most of the charity works that he does.

And that's why it's comical that a guy sitting behind his computer is mocking a man who is constantly doing good things for the community. It has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with you making such a huge case about a man who is the epitome of class. Who's next on your list? Will Shields?

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 07:07 PM
And that's why it's comical that a guy sitting behind his computer is mocking a man who is constantly doing good things for the community.

I agree. The whole thing is comical. Laugh at Warner, laugh at me, laugh at Yahweh, laugh at Beelzebub. We'll have a grand old time.

KCChiefsMan
02-02-2009, 07:10 PM
well if you thank God when you win, shouldn't you blame him when you lose?

Prince22
02-02-2009, 07:30 PM
not amused

bluehawkdoc
02-02-2009, 07:39 PM
Exactly why I don't like Warner. God doesn't care who wins a football game.


Please tell me you are not this stupid. :eek:

KChiefsQT
02-02-2009, 07:48 PM
Dumb.

-King-
02-02-2009, 07:49 PM
LMAO! How old is Claythan. If he is 30+ and is still a virgin...LMFAO! I'll just stop there, laughing too damn hard!

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 07:50 PM
LMAO! How old is Claythan. If he is 30+ and is still a virgin...LMFAO! I'll just stop there, laughing too damn hard!

27...still funny?

-King-
02-02-2009, 07:58 PM
Yes Lmao

Douche Baggins
02-02-2009, 07:58 PM
LOL!

KChiefsQT
02-02-2009, 08:41 PM
LOL!

That bug on the screen freaks me out.

Mark M
02-02-2009, 09:01 PM
27...still funny?

Yes. Very.

In fact, I'd guess that most people on here have had more partners than you have years. Hell, you were four when I lost my virginity.

Which reminds me: Tell your mom "Thanks" ...

MM
~~:spank: ;) :p

Guru
02-02-2009, 09:02 PM
He said all this in jest right?

Mark M
02-02-2009, 09:04 PM
He said all this in jest right?

Before I answer, there's this bridge I'd like to sell you real, real cheap ...

MM
~~;)

Darth CarlSatan
02-02-2009, 09:07 PM
Classic. LMAO

unothadeal
02-02-2009, 09:09 PM
He said all this in jest right?

Finally someone says it!

Guru
02-02-2009, 09:58 PM
I have been offline all day and dealing with car issues so excuse me for taking it at face value.LMAO

DeezNutz
02-02-2009, 10:04 PM
I stopped at dailykos.

Hitherto, you've been known as GoChiefs, but, for posting from this joke of a source, you shall go forth as GoLions.

Don't go full Detroit on this forum, son.

Darth CarlSatan
02-03-2009, 12:08 PM
I agree. The whole thing is comical. Laugh at Warner, laugh at me, laugh at Yahweh, laugh at Beelzebub. We'll have a grand old time.

These.

http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick/archive.html

alpha_omega
02-03-2009, 12:13 PM
I stopped at dailykos.



Yep.

CoMoChief
02-03-2009, 12:16 PM
God was repsonsible for my shitty pass right into the hands of James Harrison

Then James Harrison did the unthinkable,
He took that football............shined it up real nice................turned that Sum Bitch sideways..........and stuck it up..........YOUR CANDY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YA SMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAA..... ...................WHAT THE ROCK................................................................is cookin'

Then the ****in clouds part and Jesus and the Rock come down from the skies, Jesus obviously supporting a pear of Fossil Aviator sunglasses because its cool and he's Rockin you Sexy Jesus. The Rock is wearing a cape made of fire because he can, then BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!! The Rock cracks out a fart that can be heard down all the eastern seaboard.

Meanwhile somewhere CoMoChief and Sasha Kaun are sitting somewhere, having a beer, settling out eachothers differences.

WRONG, CoMoChief gives Kaun a swift kick in the junk and sends his ass back to Russia.

Then goes home and eats a Blue Bunny Fudge pop because they are good. And anyone who disagrees can meet me under the slide at 4pm for a pair of knuckle sandwiches.

beach tribe
02-03-2009, 12:37 PM
When a man detracts from another man's beliefs, he does not make that man poorer. Only himself.

FAX

Amen.

OnTheWarpath58
02-03-2009, 12:50 PM
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/the-end-of-warner.gif

Darth CarlSatan
02-03-2009, 12:54 PM
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/the-end-of-warner.gif

ROFLROFLROFLROFL

Rep!

bkkcoh
02-03-2009, 01:01 PM
I stopped at dailykos.

Hitherto, you've been known as GoChiefs, but, for posting from this joke of a source, you shall go forth as GoLions.

Don't go full Detroit on this forum, son.

I truly expected to see it be an Onion atrilce

Pioli Zombie
02-03-2009, 06:23 PM
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/2/2/14646/04636/676/691903

Tampa, FL (KE) -- Kurt Warner, the 37-year-old veteran quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals, blamed the Christian God for the team's heartbreaking loss to the Pittsburg Steelers in Sunday night's Superbowl XLIII. Speaking to a pool of gathered reporters outside the team's locker room, Warner stated, "I always credit God for my victories and earlier this week I said I had an advantage in tonight's game because of the power of Jesus. Clearly, however, Jesus let me down. And so I am not responsible for tonight's loss. If you want someone to blame, this one is 100% on the man upstairs."

For a while, it appeared that God would give the Cardinals their first Superbowl win in franchise history. But with time running out at the end of the second half, the Steelers, trailing by a field goal, managed to score the game-winning touchdown.

"Did you see the way that Santonio Holmes came down with that ball?" Warner asked sports reporters incredulously after the Superbowl. "Both his feet touched the inside of the endzone before he went flying out of bounds. You can clearly tell that invisible angels pushed his toes into the turf to give him that touchdown completion. Clearly, God made us lose."

God's abandonment of Kurt Warner and the Arizona Cardinals was foreshadowed at the end of the first half, when Warner attempted a touchdown pass from the Steelers' one yard line, which was intercepted by Harrison and run back for a 100-yard interception return and a touchdown. "That's really when I started to suspect that God and Jesus had forsaken me," Warner admits. "I walked in the faith of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. And how does he repay me? By feeding the fucking ball to Harrison and turning a Cardinal touchdown into a Steeler touchdown like it was water turning into wine."

Warner is also quick to notice that if that play had not been intercepted, the Cardinals would have won by ten points instead of losing by four. "God cost us the Superbowl," Warner stated, matter-of-factly. "It's as simple as that."
Posted via Mobile Device

Pioli Zombie
02-03-2009, 06:24 PM
Idiotic thread of an unfunny attempt at "humor"
Posted via Mobile Device

Douche Baggins
02-03-2009, 06:29 PM
Thanks for bumping it!

Darth CarlSatan
02-03-2009, 06:37 PM
Idiotic thread of an unfunny attempt at "humor"
Posted via Mobile Device


:deevee:

MahiMike
02-03-2009, 06:42 PM
Unfortunate. I'm sure he'll retract it in time.

BucEyedPea
02-03-2009, 07:33 PM
He needs to blame his D and his interception then not falling on Harrison. But I respect the man.

Braincase
02-03-2009, 07:41 PM
I've never seen a Christian athlete say, "I'd like to thank Jesus for taking our side in this sporting event."

It's typically giving thanks to Jesus for the sacrifice he made for all of us. It's a "I'd like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" and that's it. I've never heard "I'd like to thank Jesus for helping me read that coverage" or "I'd like to thank Jesus for helping my see where the blitz was coming from so I could audible".

Those that are insecure will try to shore up their infirm walls by mocking what some believe, but it does nothing to hurt my faith. It just helps me to spot the assholes.

Darth CarlSatan
02-03-2009, 07:44 PM
Oh, it get's better:


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Tebow and Warner to open new Theme Park on land once owned by Jim and Tammy Bakker
Name of Destination:

"Heavens Gator".