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Bob Dole
09-17-2001, 12:07 PM
Bob Dole has previously posted about Bob Dole's encounter with Joe Montana in the men's room at Tom Fooleries on the Plaza in KC. Though uneventful, it's been a fairly decent story for quite a few years.

Until today, Bob Dole didn't really think much about the circumstances, but now Bob Dole is concerned that perhaps some sort of strange karma-thing is making itself felt.

Bob Dole was in the men's room across the hall from Bob Dole's office about 10 minutes ago, disposing of the last 2 pots of black coffee. A typical run-of-the-mill everyday occurance that Bob Dole is certain many of the people on here have in common.

Anyway, as with the Joe Montana story, the door opens and Bob Dole turns to look (without coughing, thank you) and Ross Perot strolls in and steps up to the urinal next to Bob Dole.

This makes 2 urinal encounters, and Bob Dole is wondering WTF is up with that?

Besides the connection with the previous encounter, this story is only bettered by the fact that Mr. Perot proceeded to do his best impression of General Colon Bowel barking out orders. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even the very wealthy are apparently afflicted with flatulence now and again.

Unbelievable.

(And if anyone has any thoughts on why Bob Dole seems to be destined for a life of strange urinal encounters, feel free to jump in and explain...)

Phobia
09-17-2001, 12:11 PM
I had every opportunity to become a public figure and I've rebuked each one.

I've long had an aversion to having my bodily functions discussed anywhere outside my presence - and this is a prime example of why I chose the lesser known path.

Shame on you, Bob Dole. Can't a man flatuate in privacy without it appearing in the headlines?

Betcha you could make $1000 by selling this story to the Globe....

NaptownChief
09-17-2001, 12:12 PM
That is a great story...


Is he as whimpy looking in person as he looks on TV?

Baby Lee
09-17-2001, 12:15 PM
So you were on "pee row" with Mr. Perot?

Did he 'bark out orders' with the same annoying insistence and Texas drawl as he displayed while debating Gore in Larry King.

Back in college, I submitted a cartoon to the school's underground paper. Pretty good likenesses of Gore outside a stall knocking and Perot inside 'taking care of business.' The title was 'the debate continues' and Perot's speech ballon said "will, you let me finish. . Can I finish. . etc."

Joe Seahawk
09-17-2001, 12:16 PM
You have actually smelled a Ross Perot fart...Congrats...:)


Colonel Bowel...LOL

Baby Lee
09-17-2001, 12:19 PM
BTW Bob - did you thank him for costing you the election in '96 and relegating you to keeping your dog from jerking off to Britney Spears commercials?

ChiefGator
09-17-2001, 12:19 PM
I hope once he was done flatulating that you said "Hey! That sounds like Ross Perot squeeking!"

::chuckle::

- Mark
One of the 20% to vote for him the first time and 8% to vote for Ross the second time.

BroncoFan
09-17-2001, 12:21 PM
looking forward to an encounter with mr. dole at one of the urinals i frequent.

Baby Lee
09-17-2001, 12:23 PM
looking forward to an encounter with mr. dole at one of the urinals i frequent.
Funny BroncoFan - I figured you for more of a 'glory hole' kind of guy. Just Kidding. :D [opps sorry, no teeth] :)

Radar Chief
09-17-2001, 12:31 PM
Hey now, I just got through eating lunch and donít care to taste it a second time.;)

BigOlChiefsfan
09-17-2001, 12:33 PM
Another Bob Dole/Perot confontation:

Ross:
Urrrrr...Bob Dole....Here's the deal (Brrrrrrrrrrrrap!) just noticed I'm outta terlet paper over here (ffffrrrrrp!) Bob Dole, got any terlet paper (ffrrrrt!) on your side of the stall?

Bob Dole:
Bob Dole has toilet paper, but not much. Bob Dole has just enough TP for Bob Dole. Sorry, Ross. Bob Dole has to make some hard decisions.

Ross:
Dagnabbit, I'll remember this Bob (toot!) Here's the deal...have you got 4 singles for a $5?

Bob Dole
09-17-2001, 12:41 PM
He looks pretty much like he looked on television.

Bob Dole just had to leave quickly before Bob Dole busted out laughing or made some smartazz remark. Didn't stick around long enough to sample the wind...

BigOlChiefsfan
09-17-2001, 12:43 PM
"(And if anyone has any thoughts on why Bob Dole seems to be destined for a life of strange urinal encounters, feel free to jump in and explain...)"

It's a European thing. All the time European with the rich and famous.

seclark
09-17-2001, 12:46 PM
did his ears wiggle when he cut loose? maybe a pie chart showing what the duck call was made up of?
sec

Phobia
09-17-2001, 12:48 PM
European - LMAO

Haven't heard that joke in a LONG time....

KS Smitty
09-17-2001, 01:21 PM
Maybe Bob Dole spends too much time in there so he doesn't get the opportunity to meet them in the real world?

redhed
09-17-2001, 01:23 PM
I had the honor of urinating next to former Royals star and current 1st base coach, Frank White. Wark Parkway movie theater, a few years back. I'm standing there gettin' some relief, and in walks Frank. He did obey urinal etiquette by leaving an open stall between us. Very professional, and a class guy. He didn't even fart.

Iowanian
09-17-2001, 01:31 PM
I took a leak next to Chuck Grassley this spring...

I made sure to "Pee Big" for the Senator. ;)

~Pretty funny rendition Mr. Dole.

In Times of crisis, you can always count on the toilet humor for a laugh.

JOhn
09-17-2001, 01:37 PM
ROFLMAO.... :D

Reminds of an "incident" a few years back.

My sister was working at a truck stop in Winston, MO, when the country group Alabama stopped there. During there brief visit a couple of them were using the bathroom, when one of them came out asking for TP. I being the only male there at the "honor" of taking some TP in to the lead singer, who was stranded on the stool.

I did get his autograph, but didn't shake his hand.

King_Chief_Fan
09-17-2001, 01:37 PM
How come you did not mention that you stood next to me at the urinal Mr. Dole?

Rain Man
09-17-2001, 01:39 PM
Wow, you guys sure urinate near a lot of famous people.

ChiTown
09-17-2001, 01:42 PM
Bob, fear not.

I too have had a flatlent, peeing famous person pull up next to me. I was in the old Pittsburgh airport giving back a couple of $6.00 beers that I had borrowed from the bar next to the pisser, when up pulls John Thompson, HC of Georgetown Basketball.

John proceeds to open his business right next to mine (even though there were plenty of open spaces to the right of me - that type of sh!t bothers me). After the initial lift off of piss, John proceeds a long and sing-songy blast of gas that made me start into a hysterical laugh. If it were anyone else, I would have given it a one chuckle under my breath and left. But, we are talking about a famous BB coach who is 6'10" and probably close to 3 spins on the scale. Folks, I am hear to tell you that it was loud, proud and filthy stinky.

After I gathered myself and stopped peeing on my shoes, we are both washing our hands at the sink (I actually wanted to ask him if he shouldn't maybe hit the stall and give the backside a swipe as well). He leans over and says "Sorry about the gas, I just ate Mexcian in the airport, and it's not hitting me quite right." That, of course, got another rousing chuckle from me. To make matters worse, I couldn't just go back to my gate and giggle like a school girl (which is what I wanted to do), because, you guessed it, JT was on my flight to Chicago. Thank God (on a couple of levels) I wasn't sitting next to him.

Chi
~hadn't thought about that encounter for years

Baby Lee
09-17-2001, 02:00 PM
I actually wanted to ask him if he shouldn't maybe hit the stall and give the backside a swipe as well

ROFLMFAO. I literally can't see the screen through my tears.

Ultra Peanut
09-17-2001, 02:02 PM
LMAO

Both stories are the funniest things I've read in a while.

ChiTown
09-17-2001, 03:02 PM
I'm on a flight from LA to Chicago (1991 or '92). As I am starting to get my ticket I notice a crowd of people gathering around a woman that was sitting in the boarding area. Curious, I asked a gentleman standing in back of me, if he knew who it was. He told me (and forgive me that I can't remember her real name) that it was Elli Mae Clampett from the Beverly Hillbillies. My initial reaction was that, "holy sh!t, she's fat, ugly and old." I can't believe I used to get a little reaction from Mr. Happy watching her prance around the 'cement pond' in her bathing suit.

To make a long story short, she and I were both sitting in 1st class. Shortly after take off, I got up to take a wizz. As is standard protocol, and I don't know why, I always take off my glasses when I hit the head (just quirky, I guess). At any rate, I leave the bathroom and there's Elli Mae waiting to get in after me. I smiled, half wanting to cry over her debilitating features, and gave way to the bathroom entrance.

I get back to my seat, pull out a magazine, and realize that I can't see the print. I left my freaking goggles in the John. Pissed off, and slightly embarrassed, I meandered back to the ****ter to take back that which was rightfully mine (the glasses, not my piss;) ). After waiting an uncomftable amount of time, and staving off a few stares from people that knew that I had already utilized one of my 2 allotted potty usages on the plane - out waddled Elli.

From the moment she opened the door, an aroma swept through the cabin that drew stares at one another and specifically at Miss Elli. I peered over my shoulder as she scampered to her seat, obviously embarrassed over the blatant foulness that penetrated thru 1st class and beyond. The other 1st class passengers looked at me with amazement as in "are you really going back into the Sewage Canal?" The flight attendant did an obvious duck into the cockpit for what I must believe was an attempt to garner some fresh air. I could feel little beads of sweat forming at the top of my brow. The question was, could I get by without my glasses? For a moment, I was more than willing to scrap the old specs and get a new pair at the nearest optical eyeware store in Chicago. However, seeing how it was a plus 3 hr flight and I had work to do, I threw my self into the Lion's Den of Stink.

I quietly took a deep breath, prayed for focus and opened the door. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see other passengers ducking their heads and holding their noses. After less than 15 seconds in the DMV, I came out, and could see a sense of admiration from my other passenger mates in 1st class, as though I had earned their badge of honor. Elli, on the other hand was, at a minimum, six different shades of red over the incredible results of her bowel movement.

I shall never look at Hollywood Stars the same way again.

redhed
09-17-2001, 03:04 PM
I wouldn't want to be the Georgetown towel boy...

Joe Seahawk
09-17-2001, 03:11 PM
This thread should be re-named to either "Famous flatulences" or "celebrity colon blows"

Brock
09-17-2001, 03:13 PM
Chitown, that was hi-larious.

Baby Lee
09-17-2001, 03:18 PM
Famous flatulences

I beleive that is 'famous flatuli.' :)

Joe Seahawk
09-17-2001, 03:21 PM
I thionk you are right sir...;)

KS Smitty
09-17-2001, 03:22 PM
How about Gaseous Gaffes by the Greats?

redhed
09-17-2001, 03:23 PM
That eye-watering black cloud of stink came from Donna Douglas.

Phobia
09-17-2001, 03:24 PM
I have a buddy with a twisted sense of humor that rivals mine and he SWEARS this story is true:

Apparently his sister is just wrapping up business at a highway rest area in rural Alabama (rurl 'bama as in way dowen south) when she hears an extremely large black woman labor up from her perch and exclaim to nobody in particular, "COWN, WHE-AN DID AH EAT COWN?!?!?"

Story cracks me up every time I hear it! Hearing it is probably the operative phrase....

Brock
09-17-2001, 03:25 PM
It's not a trait unique to Ms. Douglas. I stayed with my grandparents for a couple of weeks last year, and hoo-boy! Must be the Metamucil.

Baby Lee
09-17-2001, 03:33 PM
Didn't happen to me, but I read about a dad who took his 4-5 year old daughter to the hardware store with him. Evidently she was old enough to go the the bathroom on her own, or so he thought.
Anyway she told him she had to go and he let her take off for the ladies room while he continued shopping. A few minutes later, the girl came back and told him the the toilet wouldn't flush and asked if he could come help. Then, rather than take him to the ladies room, she led him over to the plumbing aisle on the showroom floor.
You can guess the rest from there.

KCTitus
09-17-2001, 03:49 PM
ChiTown...thanks for the laughs. My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

Phobia
09-17-2001, 03:52 PM
Chi-town,

In all seriousness, that was probably the aftershock of a claustomy bag flush that you felt. I last smelled that when I was 17 years old, but still catch a waft now and then. Nothing can compare!

Iowanian
09-17-2001, 03:54 PM
When I was a kid(5-6th grade) i think my mother had the pleasure of taking all of us shopping with her while on a trip to KC. Brother #3 was probably 2-3 years old. An always adventurous boy, he was a real handfull to keep track of.......and as usual, turn for 1 second and he was gone.....

A frantic search of the area revealed no boy....amidst the confusion a jeans rack shook and out hopped a small boy....looking might mighty guilty...

Further investigation revealed that he had "dropped the kids off" in the middle of the jeans rack and had cleaned himself up with about half a rack of jeans.

Left that little gift basket and were herded home....always wondered who found that....

Zebedee DuBois
09-17-2001, 04:01 PM
This thread is hilarious!

Have I not matured at all since 7th grade? The spouse would say NO.

Reminds me of a buddy of mine (not famous) who was attending a small Jr.College in S.Dakota. He had started dating a girl, maybe 2 dates, and they were getting fond of one another. One evening he was standing in front of some french doors, just staring at the sunset (apparently that is what they do in S. Dakota for entertainment). The girl came in the room unbeknownst to him, and spying him, she decided to sneek up behind him and scare him. She chose to take her two forefingers and simultaneously poke him in both sides, which she did, startling him and causing him to both jump and suddenly emit an audible and foul report.
He was mortified, and being a kind of shy guy, never got the courage to ask her out again.

Joe Seahawk
09-17-2001, 04:12 PM
Anybody ever done la maz classes? I have ..:o

During the quick breathing exercise, my wife and I could not help laughing.. (the exercise involved looking at each other and do short quick breaths for a period of time) So, we are doing this exercise and we start to smile , and then we both busted out laughing..I was trying so hard not to laugh that my wind had a trumpet effect (tightening up, well anyway it was loud!) Now the whole class busted out laughing and Mr and Mrs Seahawk were slightly red in the face....

Bob Dole
09-17-2001, 04:15 PM
Can you imagine what visiting Giants fans are reporting back on their home BB about KC fans?

Phobia
09-17-2001, 04:15 PM
Ever done a military style PFT? It includes doing as many situps as you possibly can in a 2 minute window while your buddy holds your ankles. Well, a blind man could count mine because they were simultaneously announced with a quick "PFFFT"..... Nobody ever wanted to hold my ankles, I always had to "buddy" up with someone new to the unit. :D

Baby Lee
09-17-2001, 04:17 PM
Nothing like the echoing blasts inevitably emitted in Junior High Gym. You remember the stretching exercise where you laid on your back, brought your knees to your chest and then extended your legs horizontally without letting your heels touch the ground.

The sublime mixture of concrete walls, pine floors, paper thin shorts, the right stretches and a teenager's concept of humor.

Bob Dole
09-17-2001, 04:18 PM
Bob Dole's problem was always with the first 20 steps of running.

Phrack, boop. pffft, skwak, moo, phhh, etc...

Zebedee DuBois
09-17-2001, 04:23 PM
moo..??

Little neighbor girl came over one day and was watching TV with the kids. Suddenly she says " I made a bean". We all looked at her, wondering what she meant, but almost immediatly sniffed out the answer.

BigOlChiefsfan
09-17-2001, 04:25 PM
My favorite was Karate Class. Kata practice, a roomful of teenagers kicking and punching the air in unison, sensei walking back and forth and watching 'em.

"EeeeeYAH"
"EeeeeYAH"
"EeeeeYAH"
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAATPFPFPFFT

Silence. Then Sensei said "Someone is ah...working much too hard"

seclark
09-17-2001, 04:26 PM
my sister in law let one rip one time in a burger king in omaha. you could hear that bad-boy 35feet away. and she looked real innocent and says to everybody around, "oooh...excuse me!".
have you ever heard anything so crazy?
sec
~always blames someone else

Baby Lee
09-17-2001, 04:30 PM
Did anyone see the Jacka$$ when Johnny Knoxville went into a yoga class with some kind of fart noise machine?

Vindicator
09-17-2001, 04:32 PM
Vindicator lives near Pahrump, Nv....................upwind, thanks

KS Smitty
09-17-2001, 04:32 PM
The Mrs. frequently refers to Smitty as a fart noise (and stink) machine.

KS Smitty
09-17-2001, 04:35 PM
What I call him is a stinking a$$hole. :D (j/k)

Hydrae
09-17-2001, 04:41 PM
Instead of the famous farting how about a man who became famous for farting on stage? I don't know how many of you have ever heard of Le Petomane but here is a link. I originally found out about this reading one of the Uncle John's Bathroom Readers. If you are unfamiliar with these books, you should look for them the next time you are at the bookstore, they are great for just that...reading while sitting and taking care of personal business!


http://www.retroactive.com/jan98/petomane.html

Joe Seahawk
09-17-2001, 06:19 PM
http://www.softycentral.com/ssnds2001/010117.pmfinger.ram

WarCry!
09-17-2001, 06:39 PM
Here's an old college fart story:
We were in chemistry class one day (the prof was a little bit hard of hearing and had a hearing aid). The prof was facing the chalkboard writing down some notes when a classmate ripped a loud one off the wooden desk chair. The class erupted into laughter when the prof turned around as serious as could be and asked "did somebody have a question?" LOL

Multi1
09-17-2001, 07:50 PM
Some people believe that a Chief can break wind on command, Joe Montana may have proved that. I can't talk about Ross.

Bob - You may just want to stay out of the john! Have you tried the back tire of a Raider fan?

Frazod
09-17-2001, 07:57 PM
Okay, you asked for it. Here is my greatest fart story.

I was at the movies with my former wife and a Navy buddy. We were watching Clint Eastwood's Heartbreak Ridge. This is a military movie, and as we were in Norfolk, the theater was packed.

Anyway, I cut the most vile, noxious, deadly green fog fart in the history of the universe right in the middle of the theater. It was a silent killer, though. I waited about five seconds, then stood up, looked at my wife and exclaimed "G#DDAMN!" and then moved to another seat. And my buddy moved with me.

She didn't speak to me for three days.... :D

BigOlChiefsfan
09-17-2001, 08:27 PM
I just hope Bob Dole never meets the current president of Russia in a men's room. I can see Bob Dole's tale now.

"Tootin' with Putin".

Rain Man
09-17-2001, 09:21 PM
I'm incredibly embarrassed and ashamed that I'm laughing at this stuff.

CHIEF4EVER
03-04-2003, 03:06 PM
Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'll share a story (albeit a bit late).

When I was stationed in Berlin, we had an annual NCO call at the NCO club and the Commanding General was the guest speaker. All the NCOs were seated in a U shape facing the middle and my best friend Jerry was seated next to me. Jerry had a habit of being a bit of a prankster when drinking and by the time the colors were brought in he was 2 sheets to the wind. At the announcement of the General the command "Present Arms" was given. In response to the command we all snapped off a sharp salute and Jerry simultaneously snapped off the positively loudest butt explosion I think I have ever heard. The funniest part was that nobody dared smile or even smirk although the natural reaction was to belly laugh. The SGT Major and General never missed a beat although the SGT Major was eying the assembled NCOs trying to discover the offender. After NCO call Jerry and I laughed outside the club for at least a half hour.

HC_Chief
03-04-2003, 03:08 PM
Should have turned in his direction and peed on the top of his crazy little munchkin head.

ROYC75
08-12-2004, 08:14 AM
ROFL ROFL ROFL

Damn, I have missed this one, must of been when I was busy at work making money ?

Damn Dole, you and Ross go way back. :clap:

Boozer
10-27-2004, 05:50 PM
Justice Clarence Thomas, Fifth Floor Men's Room, Green Hall, KU, 10:15 am today.

Loki
12-16-2004, 04:06 PM
Ever done a military style PFT? It includes doing as many situps as you possibly can in a 2 minute window while your buddy holds your ankles. Well, a blind man could count mine because they were simultaneously announced with a quick "PFFFT"..... Nobody ever wanted to hold my ankles, I always had to "buddy" up with someone new to the unit. :D

heh heh...

Loki
12-16-2004, 04:09 PM
Okay, you asked for it. Here is my greatest fart story.

I was at the movies with my former wife and a Navy buddy. We were watching Clint Eastwood's Heartbreak Ridge. This is a military movie, and as we were in Norfolk, the theater was packed.

Anyway, I cut the most vile, noxious, deadly green fog fart in the history of the universe right in the middle of the theater. It was a silent killer, though. I waited about five seconds, then stood up, looked at my wife and exclaimed "G#DDAMN!" and then moved to another seat. And my buddy moved with me.

She didn't speak to me for three days.... :D


lol...