PDA

View Full Version : Life Yesterday we had to take hubbys best friend to ER/Psych/Suicide intake


Gracie Dean
03-20-2009, 04:57 PM
he has been staying with us for over a year, his drinking has become WORSE by far, this last week he has not even gone to work. He has drank for over 5 days solid. All he has been doing is drinking and sleeping. Last night, he told hubby if he could have found one of hubbys guns, he would have shot himself in the head.

I told hubby it was time to do something. (I have been thinking it was time for a while, but hubby balked)

After 3 hours in the ER intake room, he was finally admitted for 72 hour hold .



The good news: Hubby has completely sworn off drinking all together...We saw a LOT of shit in the waiting room and once we got back to the "psych/alcohol area we saw and heard much more...


WOW I know it is a cruel world, but I am so sheltered. We didn't even know who to call or what to do. We just got the phone book out and started making calls.

I don't know what is going to happen now, but I know that he can't come back here

We have 3 days to figure out the next step. This guy has no family and probably fucked around and lost his job too. He is/was a correction officer at EDCF

eazyb81
03-20-2009, 05:01 PM
sounds like a great person to have around your kids.

Gracie Dean
03-20-2009, 05:05 PM
well our daughter is 17

and he was pretty good at hiding it. We did nto know how bad it was until the last couple days

He can't come back here, but there is really no place for him to go.

I am thinking Union Rescue Mission

crispystl420
03-20-2009, 05:28 PM
Be careful my best friend drank about two fifths of whiskey a day since he was about 21. He hung himslef last month he was 26. Alcohol wasn't the only factor but played a huge role.

Gracie Dean
03-20-2009, 05:51 PM
I think the threatening to shoot himself is the final thing that made hubby realize we had to do something! He had never talked like that before.

It is really a shame how low this guy has gotten. He got a full ride scholarship and blew it off, he had several decent jobs, lost them. many cars...gone

now this latest job probably gone.

it is just sad

Mecca
03-20-2009, 06:04 PM
And people say I'm no fun cause I don't drink anymore.

mikey23545
03-20-2009, 06:06 PM
I doubt you were any fun when you <i>were</i> drinking.

Mecca
03-20-2009, 06:07 PM
I doubt you were any fun when you <i>were</i> drinking.

Do you provide anything to the forum other than cheap little personal shots?

Internet tough guys are the best so really, go suck your wifes cock it'll accomplish more than what you bring here.

stevieray
03-20-2009, 06:32 PM
this is the second time you've exposed the personal tragedies of people that have lived with you....

why?

Fruit Ninja
03-20-2009, 06:46 PM
this is the second time you've exposed the personal tragedies of people that have lived with you....

why?
Becuase she wanted too and thats really the only reason people need. I am sure if people dont like that reason, its really easy to say fuck off.

Mile High Mania
03-20-2009, 06:46 PM
Well, the guy needs professional help... you can't do anything for him, he needs to be admitted into a center.

MIAdragon
03-20-2009, 06:49 PM
Huh you were worried about your daughter joining the Army but you had a suicidal drunk living in your home?!

'Hamas' Jenkins
03-20-2009, 07:05 PM
Sounds like you did all you could to help the guy.

Gracie Dean
03-20-2009, 07:35 PM
this is the second time you've exposed the personal tragedies of people that have lived with you....

why?

because at this point, I needed advice and figured someone on here would have experience with this sort of thing.

See in my circles, it doesn't really happen

I didn't even know what to do. I just opened the phone book and started calling numbers.


He is in 72 hour hold and I don't know what is going to happen now


It is not like we had any real sort of warning. he works nights and sleeps days. We work days and sleep nights

so we never really saw him roaring drunk. We did NOT know how bad it had gotten and we also didn't know what his thoughts were

This man has been in our lives forever. HE was hubbys best man at our wedding and is like a brother.

he would also not care that I was posting this

other wise I would not.

Fat Elvis
03-20-2009, 09:39 PM
because at this point, I needed advice and figured someone on here would have experience with this sort of thing.

See in my circles, it doesn't really happen

I didn't even know what to do. I just opened the phone book and started calling numbers.


He is in 72 hour hold and I don't know what is going to happen now


It is not like we had any real sort of warning. he works nights and sleeps days. We work days and sleep nights

so we never really saw him roaring drunk. We did NOT know how bad it had gotten and we also didn't know what his thoughts were

This man has been in our lives forever. HE was hubbys best man at our wedding and is like a brother.

he would also not care that I was posting this

other wise I would not.

The job is iffy; technically, employers aren't supposed to fire you if you are seeking drug and/or alcohol treatment; Kansas, however, is a right to work state so he can be fired without reason and without recourse.

Oddly, I don't think the question is what can you do for him, but rather, what can you do for your family and yourself. Having had an alcoholic under your roof for that length of time, I would highly suggest attending some Al-Anon meetings. There is nothing you can do about his drinking; all you can do is live your own lives. It sounds like your family could use a different perspective in regards to alcoholism. Try different Al-Anon groups as some are better than others; find one that fits you.

As people who care about this man, you can hope and pray that he has hit rock bottom. Only he will know when he is there, however, and unfortunately some people never find it.

You and your family are in a shitty and painful situation. I wish you the best of luck.

RJ
03-20-2009, 09:55 PM
They'll cut him loose after the 72 hours and the dude will be on his own.

Try to keep your husband from letting him back in your home. There is nothing the two of you can do to help him.

With luck, he'll get himself locked up for something before he hurts himself or someone else.

I've seen this movie before.

Gracie Dean
03-20-2009, 09:57 PM
The job is iffy; technically, employers aren't supposed to fire you if you are seeking drug and/or alcohol treatment; Kansas, however, is a right to work state so he can be fired without reason and without recourse.

Oddly, I don't think the question is what can you do for him, but rather, what can you do for your family and yourself. Having had an alcoholic under your roof for that length of time, I would highly suggest attending some Al-Anon meetings. There is nothing you can do about his drinking; all you can do is live your own lives. It sounds like your family could use a different perspective in regards to alcoholism. Try different Al-Anon groups as some are better than others; find one that fits you.

As people who care about this man, you can hope and pray that he has hit rock bottom. Only he will know when he is there, however, and unfortunately some people never find it.

You and your family are in a shitty and painful situation. I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you,

yea, we are in a hard place right now. I don't want him back in the house, but he literally has nobody or no where else to go. We also can not use all our resources, time off to cart him where ever he needs to go.

I really don't know what is going to happen in the next few days the 72 hours are up Sunday.

runnercyclist
03-20-2009, 09:59 PM
Leaving Kansas City

RJ
03-20-2009, 10:02 PM
Leaving Kansas City


It's depressing stuff, that's for sure.

Pioli Zombie
03-20-2009, 10:05 PM
Al-Anon.

the worst thing would be for this guy to come back to your house.

And 17 year olds are affected by drunks in their house. An active alcoholic doesn't hide anything. Even when not drinking they have the personality.
Posted via Mobile Device

DaneMcCloud
03-20-2009, 10:35 PM
Al-Anon.

the worst thing would be for this guy to come back to your house.

And 17 year olds are affected by drunks in their house. An active alcoholic doesn't hide anything. Even when not drinking they have the personality.
Posted via Mobile Device

Exactly.

If you think a 17 year old doesn't know a drunk when they see one, you'd better wake up.

BigRedChief
03-21-2009, 09:18 AM
The good news: Hubby has completely sworn off drinking all together...We saw a LOT of shit in the waiting room and once we got back to the "psych/alcohol area we saw and heard much more...


WOW I know it is a cruel world, but I am so sheltered. We didn't even know who to call or what to do. We just got the phone book out and started making calls.

I don't know what is going to happen now, but I know that he can't come back here
I worked in ER's for over 9 years. You tend to really cherish life more working in those places.

Brock
03-21-2009, 09:20 AM
Enablers.

Mosbonian
03-21-2009, 09:43 AM
See in my circles, it doesn't really happen.

Unfortunately Pam, it happens in all circles. It's just that in certain parts of society people 'hide" it better than others. Behind every house lies some secret.

It is not like we had any real sort of warning. he works nights and sleeps days. We work days and sleep nights

so we never really saw him roaring drunk. We did NOT know how bad it had gotten and we also didn't know what his thoughts were

This man has been in our lives forever. HE was hubbys best man at our wedding and is like a brother.

I think that if you do go to Al-Anon meetings like has been correctly suggeted, you will find that the signs were there, you were just oblivious to them...blinded by love and loyalty. (I know that's harsh but that's what you will be told)

The best thing is to get some counseling for your family, and most assuredly your 17 y/o. She saw more than you probably believe that she aware of. Kids are very perceptive.

mmaddog
*******

Gracie Dean
03-21-2009, 10:12 AM
Unfortunately Pam, it happens in all circles. It's just that in certain parts of society people 'hide" it better than others. Behind every house lies some secret.



I think that if you do go to Al-Anon meetings like has been correctly suggeted, you will find that the signs were there, you were just oblivious to them...blinded by love and loyalty. (I know that's harsh but that's what you will be told)

The best thing is to get some counseling for your family, and most assuredly your 17 y/o. She saw more than you probably believe that she aware of. Kids are very perceptive.

mmaddog
*******

I know you are right on that

RJ
03-21-2009, 10:41 AM
If the guy is drinking as heavy as you say, there's a strong chance he'll incur some medical issues from this 72 hour withdrawal, potentially serious ones. For some people that is "bottom" and they manage to quit. For others, bottom is further down.

Best of luck to you, your family and your friend.

B_Ambuehl
03-21-2009, 10:56 AM
I wouldn't recommend counseling for your 17 yr. old or anybody else. All that'll do is contribute to the total paranoia about anything "evil" that runs so rampant in the bible belt. Having that mentality beat into them throughout childhood is IMO one of the main reasons people there can't do anything in moderation. They're either clean as a whistle or full blown addicts....or at least labeled as such. The people running those types of meetings are worse than the 5th grade health teachers that try to make you believe smoking a bowl will turn you into a full blown crack addict. So you had an alcoholic in your house. Big f'in deal. Plenty of people drink on a daily basis and drink socially that aren't alcoholics. Some people drink too damn much (because they choose to) and become dependent. Obviously this guy drank too much.

Hog Farmer
03-21-2009, 12:36 PM
I would have called his bluff and left a loaded pistol on the kitchen table!

Mosbonian
03-21-2009, 01:00 PM
I wouldn't recommend counseling for your 17 yr. old or anybody else. All that'll do is contribute to the total paranoia about anything "evil" that runs so rampant in the bible belt. Having that mentality beat into them throughout childhood is IMO one of the main reasons people there can't do anything in moderation. They're either clean as a whistle or full blown addicts....or at least labeled as such. The people running those types of meetings are worse than the 5th grade health teachers that try to make you believe smoking a bowl will turn you into a full blown crack addict. So you had an alcoholic in your house. Big f'in deal. Plenty of people drink on a daily basis and drink socially that aren't alcoholics. Some people drink too damn much (because they choose to) and become dependent. Obviously this guy drank too much.

I disagree...you may not have meant it to sound that way, but your explanation sounds like rationalization.

mmaddog
*******

alanm
03-21-2009, 01:39 PM
Unfortunately Pam, it happens in all circles. It's just that in certain parts of society people 'hide" it better than others. Behind every house lies some secret.



I think that if you do go to Al-Anon meetings like has been correctly suggeted, you will find that the signs were there, you were just oblivious to them...blinded by love and loyalty. (I know that's harsh but that's what you will be told)

The best thing is to get some counseling for your family, and most assuredly your 17 y/o. She saw more than you probably believe that she aware of. Kids are very perceptive.

mmaddog
*******
Having quit drinking almost 12 yrs ago and being a friend of Bill's and all that goes along with that I'm slightly prejudiced towards Al-Anon for my own personal reasons.

It would be fine for Hubby's friend siggy others ie: wife, children ect.
But since noswad's family is related only by friendship I don't believe attending is necessary.

J Diddy
03-21-2009, 01:49 PM
Best of luck to you. Hope it works out good in the end.

bowener
03-21-2009, 02:10 PM
I would have called his bluff and left a loaded pistol on the kitchen table!

I have a story that kind of goes along the lines of this, and the thread starter.

"Long story short" version:

My step-brother used to work as a dispatcher in Springfield (for several trucking companies when all was said and done) and made some interesting friendships and such.

One day a younger kid (in his mid 20's) came in for a job at the company, and got one in the warehouse. Eventually he ended up living with my step-brother because he had nowhere to go, and my brother is a nice guy...

He didn't know much about him except that he was a good worker and polite, so he trusted him. The kid stopped paying rent and bills, and about 2 weeks later he came home drunk blubbering about how his life was ruined because he got dumped (after 2 weeks of dating or something).

So one night, soon after, he comes busting in the front door at around 9pm, crying and tells my brother he is going to kill himself because the girl does not love him, then he pulls out a pistol and shoots himself in the gut while standing in the doorway.

He starts screaming and bleeding all over the floor, and my brother (who has CP and a fake hip) tells him to shut the fuck up, and that he's not going to die, as he said, "You're just gut shot, and its going to hurt like hell you dumb ass," as he throws him out the door and onto the lawn.

That's not the end to the whole night, but all that is really relevant. Point is, sometimes your good intentions blow a shit storm back in your face, even if you think you know somebody, or not. You did good trying to help the man, but the man needs to help himself. The best you can do is be there when he asks for help, and let him know that you are there.

Mosbonian
03-21-2009, 03:45 PM
Having quit drinking almost 12 yrs ago and being a friend of Bill's and all that goes along with that I'm slightly prejudiced towards Al-Anon for my own personal reasons.

It would be fine for Hubby's friend siggy others ie: wife, children ect.
But since noswad's family is related only by friendship I don't believe attending is necessary.

Alan..I respect your opinion on this matter and as a friend of Bill, I will not argue one way or another.

But it seems that this relationship is more than just casual friends. And for that matter I think there needs to be some sort of time spent addressing this. The teen saw this....and to act like there was nothing to it sends a message that i guess I don't agree with.

mmaddog
*******

jAZ
03-21-2009, 05:16 PM
If you've ever tried to watch that show "Intervention" you'll know that the odds of helping him are nearly zero. The lesson from that show is that the family is always expected to give the addict an ultimatum that hopefully forces them to a "bottom": go to rehab or be cut off from everyone.

At the point it sounds like you are at, that would be my advice. Do what you can togive him an extended treatment option (good for you for taking him to the hospital) and cut him off if he refuses.