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View Full Version : Funny Stuff Dear Abby on Freshman Bunk Bed Boinking


gblowfish
03-31-2009, 11:55 AM
Freshman's Late-Night Tryst Angers Her Chaste Roommate
http://tinyurl.com/c4xvvg

By Abigail Van Buren Abigail Van Buren Wed Mar 25, 3:34 am ET

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman at a Catholic university. I was awakened last night at 3 a.m. because my bunk bed -- I'm on top -- was shaking. Then I heard my roommate moaning. She had snuck a boy into our dorm room, and they were doing "it."

I am so upset at her disregard for my personal space that I don't know how to talk to her. I'm big on chastity, but I don't want her to think I'm speaking up because I'm a prude. I found it so upsetting that it was difficult to get back to sleep.

My roommate is nice, and we get along well. How do I tell her this behavior is unacceptable? If I tell our resident assistant, she will get in trouble and hate me for it. If I had been forewarned, I would have slept out in the lounge. Please help me. -- RELUCTANT WITNESS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR RELUCTANT WITNESS: Silence implies approval. It is important that you talk to your roommate NOW because if you don't, it is sure to happen again. All you have to say is that when you were awakened, at first you were frightened. Then, when you realized what was going on, it made you extremely uncomfortable, and in the future you would prefer she make other arrangements for "that kind of thing."

It's the truth, you are within your rights to draw the line and you won't come off looking like a prude. What they did was out of line.

Hammock Parties
03-31-2009, 11:57 AM
Reluctant Witness is probably a fat girl.

Buehler445
03-31-2009, 11:59 AM
WHAT THE FUCK????

How can she not expect this in college?

But the obvious answer is to unbunk the beds.

BigMeatballDave
03-31-2009, 12:00 PM
I'm a fat girl locked inside a douchebags body.
FYP

Gonzo
03-31-2009, 12:00 PM
Reluctant Witness is probably a fat girl.

I doubt they'd put the fatty on the top bunk though. I think she's a hairy chick with gout.

Lumpy
03-31-2009, 12:01 PM
Reluctant Witness is probably a fat girl.

Wait, if she was fat... wtf was she doing on the TOP bunk?! I vote for she was teh fugly.

rockymtnchief
03-31-2009, 12:01 PM
Reluctant Witness is probably a fat girl.
I'm big on chastity...
"Reluctant Witness" is probably YOU!:D

jidar
03-31-2009, 12:02 PM
http://www.usatoday.com/life/gallery/snlstars/ladies.jpg

DEAR RELUCTANT WITNESS:

What is love? Is it not the sweetest flower within the garden that is your bunk bed? Does not this flower have the fragrant aroma of fine fine diamonds? Listen, what you need to do is try to take the initiative. That's right, get down off the bunk bed, look at that loving couple, and then whip out everything you got and do it in the butt.

Sincerely,
Leon Phelps, The Ladies Man

sedated
03-31-2009, 12:02 PM
That prude should have gone down and joined in the fun. "Looks like you could use a hand"

RJ
03-31-2009, 12:05 PM
Maybe she was just tired and got a little annoyed with the people having sex directly below her at 3 in the morning.

Or maybe Dear Abby just invented the whole crazy story while masturbating on a warm, sultry summer evening.

big nasty kcnut
03-31-2009, 12:06 PM
She should of help out. Sharing is caring.
Posted via Mobile Device

Gonzo
03-31-2009, 12:07 PM
Maybe she was just tired and got a little annoyed with the people having sex directly below her at 3 in the morning.

Or maybe Dear Abby just invented the whole crazy story while masturbating on a warm, sultry summer evening.

I just got a vision of the old "Dear Abby" chick slapping her pie and watching reruns of Lawrence Welk.

Awesome.

88TG88
03-31-2009, 12:08 PM
STOP BEING A NARC, BITCH !!111!!!

tooge
03-31-2009, 12:08 PM
no no no. The correct advice is if you cant beat em, join em.

sedated
03-31-2009, 12:09 PM
no no no. The correct advice is if you cant beat em, join em.

or join them so you can beat them off

Lumpy
03-31-2009, 12:11 PM
I just got a vision of the old "Dear Abby" chick slapping her pie and watching reruns of Lawrence Welk.

Awesome.

ROFL Me too, but I envisioned her watching the Golden Girls.

Pants
03-31-2009, 12:32 PM
Man, I remember when my female roommate used to bring us girls to have fun with, those were the days...


Oh, wait, nevermind that was just a daydream I had once.

Mecca
03-31-2009, 12:38 PM
How can someone act that disturbed by the act of sex?

If she ever gets a boyfriend I bet he'll have tons of fun....

Katipan
03-31-2009, 12:39 PM
DEAR RELUCTANT WITNESS: Touch yourself. Take that thing out for a spin. Then the next time your roomie is trying to sleep, or even the next time she's having a prayer session at 3 in the morning with a penis, make that bed shake like we know you can. You won't ever have to talk to her again.

Micjones
03-31-2009, 12:48 PM
There's nothing wrong with forewarning your roommate.

I do think the girl has to come to grips with the fact that her roommate might have male company from time-to-time. As long as she gives her reasonable accommodation (advance notice) there shouldn't be a problem.

Nzoner
03-31-2009, 12:49 PM
Then I heard my roommate moaning.


"she gets to goin like a motorboat,fffff-oooo--ccccc---kkkkk me Alex"

gblowfish
03-31-2009, 12:51 PM
Pledge Party in her room!

raybec 4
03-31-2009, 12:52 PM
ROFL Me too, but I envisioned her watching the Golden Girls.

Betty White is so freakin hot

Pants
03-31-2009, 12:52 PM
How can someone act that disturbed by the act of sex?

If she ever gets a boyfriend I bet he'll have tons of fun....

Dude, you prove to be more retarded with every post. It's not that she's disturbed by sex, she's disturbed when her roommate is having it 2 feet below her. I bet it would be pretty fucking awkward.

raybec 4
03-31-2009, 12:54 PM
How can someone act that disturbed by the act of sex?

If she ever gets a boyfriend I bet he'll have tons of fun....

"Why would God put a playground so close to a sewer system?"

Lumpy
03-31-2009, 12:54 PM
Betty White is so freakin hot

Mkay. That Blanche chick was a whore.

The Pest
03-31-2009, 12:55 PM
If she's so mad....how come she didn't try to screw it up? I would've made it a point to say something about herpes medication or gender change surgery.

Garcia Bronco
03-31-2009, 12:57 PM
I know some of you are joking around, but I'd be pissed too. That shit is disrespectful and I would have let them know as soon as they woke me up.

Mecca
03-31-2009, 12:59 PM
Dude, you prove to be more retarded with every post. It's not that she's disturbed by sex, she's disturbed when her roommate is having it 2 feet below her. I bet it would be pretty fucking awkward.

I figured in college it was pretty well known this kind of thing happened.

Pants
03-31-2009, 01:21 PM
I figured in college it was pretty well known this kind of thing happened.

No, you make arrangements or give someone a chance to GTF out of the room. If you're bringing someone back, there's a usually a text with a warning.

EyePod
03-31-2009, 01:22 PM
Reluctant Witness is probably a fat girl.

Definitely ugly too. She's just using chastity as an excuse for not being able to get laid. Loser.

Iowanian
03-31-2009, 01:32 PM
I've been on both sides of this "issue".

My freshman year, I had a fat douche for a roommate the first semester. He and his whalefriend would wallow on each other quite a bit. My line was drawn in the sand in that I returned to the room every morning about the same time, near 10am. The first time I tried to walk in and got the "NO NO NO"....I found something else to do for a while. The 2nd-3rd time I got pretty annoyed.

The next day, I brought 3-4 buddies back to the dorm after class to watch the Flintstones. Opened the door anyway, and we plopped down around their fat nakedness. I left the door wide open too.

That solved it....well, until the fact that fatty never washed his bed and it made the entire floor smell like moldy ass over thanksgiving......I was kicking him out at Christmas so my buddy could move in, but she got Knocked up and they had to go back to colorado, which was awesome.

My next roommate and I had a system with a bandana to hang on the door knob in such circumstances and it worked well. When there wasn't the time for notice, we both were alright with ignoring the other for a while, or leaving if it wasn't a 3am deal.

sedated
03-31-2009, 01:34 PM
No, you make arrangements or give someone a chance to GTF out of the room. If you're bringing someone back, there's a usually a text with a warning.

college kids aren't generally the most considerate or thoughtful people.

When I was in school, my roommate would have sex with his girlfriend on the bunk below me while they thought I was asleep above them. Quite frequently too. And I always came back from work to them having sex, no sock on the door or warning, other than the orgasmic screams when I opened the door. He has told me since that they had sex in my bed and on my desk.

Now that I think about it, Im gonna kick that guys ass.

CoMoChief
03-31-2009, 01:38 PM
shit i remember those days. My roomate the 2nd day left for Iraq. So the whole year freshman yr I had a dorm room to myself.

There was a bar called George's in downtown Columbia. Thurs nights were a blast.
8pm they let girls in for free. Age didn't matter as long as you were 18 really though suppose to be 21 to get in, most frosh just slipped a $5 under their ID's and they were let in. Same with the guys. Doormen there made a SHIT TON of money.

So 8pm girls come in for free, drink whatever they wanted....for free until 10pm, then at 10pm they would let the guys in, all the girls were ****in hammered at this point, 25 cent beers.

I swear if you didn't leave the bar with a girl, there was something utterly wrong with you or your game, perhaps both. I had my beds bunked but no one was ever on the top one unless i'd have friends come over or soemthing. A lot of times I'd be ****in on the bottom bunk, my friend would be ****in on the top bunk, great times.

RaiderH8r
03-31-2009, 01:42 PM
She should have just whispered, "Just the tip, just for a minute..."

DJ's left nut
03-31-2009, 01:42 PM
I guess I'm in the "so?" school here.

That's college. In college nobody has anything worth stealing, or at least my roomate and I didn't, so our door was pretty much always unlocked...unless. If it was, my roomate and I would just jiggle the key in the door before we walked in, maybe give it a thump or something. I'm not hanging socks, etc... on the knob and advertising to my entire floor and neither one of else ever felt the need to be a dick about the whole thing and kick the hell out of the door or stomp around. You're 19 years old for cryin' out loud, WTF else do you have to do? (and if you're older than 19 and have a problem with this, STFU, you shouldn't be living in the dorm anymore anyway). Otherwise, we just let bygones be bygones.

Must be a guy thing.

Iowanian
03-31-2009, 01:45 PM
She could have turned the tables and turned her ultra-vibe on high and rattled it on the wall and the bunk while moaning her roomates' name. that might have stopped the show.....or livened it up.

wazu
03-31-2009, 01:54 PM
I used to have a roommate in college who did this with his girlfriend, although our beds weren't bunked, and were at least positioned in a way that they actually had some privacy. They didn't make much noise, so it never kept me from getting to sleep, and I don't remember it ever waking me up. Funny to think how awkward something like that would be today, whereas back then it really wasn't a big deal.

Katipan
03-31-2009, 02:01 PM
She could have turned the tables and turned her ultra-vibe on high and rattled it on the wall and the bunk while moaning her roomates' name. that might have stopped the show.....or livened it up.

You are creative enough that you don't need my material.

raybec 4
03-31-2009, 02:06 PM
I had a roommate at Ft. Bragg who was constantly banging barracks ho's. I really didn't care until the time he was drunk and banging this girl, he totally sharts and wipes his ass with a pillow case. He just keeps on banging away. That's when I had to put a system in place to where I wasn't around.

Iowanian
03-31-2009, 02:08 PM
one time, I was peeking down through the crack between the bed and the wall, and saw the girl gazing up at me as the roomate plowed straight ahead. To liven up the evening for her, and I had a really hard time not laughing at the hilarity of my own prank...I dropped mr hangdown over the edge so she could get a look. Little did I know that speed racer was about to begin the "wobble to and fro" portion of the ride, and the bed frame smashed my doofloppy between it and the wall. Horrible moment.






....april fools. never got the Brat smashed.....

Iowanian
03-31-2009, 02:19 PM
THREAD KILLA!



OK,I know you're curious, the rest of the story wasn't true either.

Demonpenz
03-31-2009, 02:47 PM
well if you are sleeping, then fuck them tell them to fuck somewhere else, or you could put icy hot in a lube bottle

Iowanian
03-31-2009, 02:50 PM
Like that would do any good...Snugga is so tough, he already beats it with a fist full of Habanero sauce.

Demonpenz
03-31-2009, 02:52 PM
snugga is not many things, bright, college educated, deloused, but he is tough LMAO

SBK
03-31-2009, 03:25 PM
It'd be awesome if the girl on the bottom bunk had a cooter that smelled like a dirty fish market. Then you'd get to hear her moan and smell her throne.

Personally I'd be pissed about something like this happening in my dorm room, I'd have got up and walked out during the exercise routine though.

Ebolapox
03-31-2009, 04:27 PM
Betty White is so freakin hot

fail. I have nudes of bea arthur somewhere.

Buehler445
03-31-2009, 04:37 PM
fail. I have nudes of bea arthur somewhere.

:spock: noooooooo....
Posted via Mobile Device

stevieray
03-31-2009, 04:45 PM
"she gets to goin like a motorboat,fffff-oooo--ccccc---kkkkk me Alex"

:clap:

Basileus777
03-31-2009, 05:22 PM
I'd probably be pissed at being woken up at 3am, not about the sex. But that's just the shit you have to deal with when you have a roommate in a small ass college dorm.

Nzoner
03-31-2009, 05:25 PM
:clap:

Figured it'd be someone our age who got it :)

ChiefsCountry
03-31-2009, 05:30 PM
I could live with the banging part been there done that. Is it annoying yeah but it happens. Now the staying up till 5 then sleeping till 2 part just bc was annoying as hell more than the sex.

KcFanInGA
03-31-2009, 06:36 PM
Can we go back to Bea Arthur. I was gettin a good semi going there.

KcFanInGA
03-31-2009, 06:38 PM
And if my roomate would have done this in college, I would have started throwin dick like I was working in a dildo recycling plant.

88TG88
03-31-2009, 06:50 PM
And if my roomate would have done this in college, I would have started throwin dick like I was working in a dildo recycling plant.

rep to the n00b

dtebbe
04-01-2009, 08:08 AM
She should have just rubbed one out. Then everyone would have been happy.

DT

Lumpy
04-01-2009, 08:08 AM
Can we go back to Bea Arthur. I was gettin a good semi going there.

;)

raybec 4
04-01-2009, 08:24 AM
;)

Would you happen to know where I can buy that?

Lumpy
04-01-2009, 08:30 AM
Would you happen to know where I can buy that?

ROFL Ur sick. Get help.

ziggysocki
04-01-2009, 08:42 AM
Same story from the dude's perspective ends up in Penthouse. Except the girl on the top joined in after hearing her roommate moaning. It's all about perspective.

KcFanInGA
04-01-2009, 09:57 PM
rep to the n00b

Thank you :p