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View Full Version : Life What's your most embarassing moment?


wutamess
05-01-2009, 11:24 AM
Mine would have to be in Junior High 7trh grade... I had just hit someone in music class and started running away. You know... the kind of running where you're not fully running because you don't want teachers to get after you?

Anyways... I'm almost in the clear when all of a sudden someone sticks out their foot and I must've slid (books first) about 15 feet down the hallway in front of what seemed like the entire 7th grade.

I'm sure I have more but that's all I can remember at the time.

What you got?

Fat Elvis
05-01-2009, 11:25 AM
Mine would have to be in Junior High 7trh grade... I had just hit someone in music class and started running away. You know... the kind of running where you're not fully running because you don't want teachers to get after you?

Anyways... I'm almost in the clear when all of a sudden someone sticks out their foot and I must've slid (books first) about 15 feet down the hallway in front of what seemed like the entire 7th grade.

I'm sure I have more but that's all I can remember at the time.

What you got?

If that is all you've got, you've lived a pretty much "embarrassment free" life....

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:26 AM
last night when I was extremely wasted (playing quarters with three people, one being a girl, who deferred all of her drinking to me) and professing my love to some girl who pretty much laughed in my face.

I have a new 'most embarrassing moment' every week.

Donger
05-01-2009, 11:27 AM
Being caught by my brother's girlfriend humping a rolled up piece of carpet.

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:27 AM
by the way...wutamess...same thing happened to me freshmen year...

My sister graduated the year before I was a freshmen...and had a lot of friends that were seniors...I was in a hurry to get to class...so I was walking pretty fast...maybe even jogging...and some asshole tripped me and I went flying face first down the hall...and one of my sisters girl friends (extremely hot, I was pretty much in love with her) started screaming at the kid that did it because I was "Carrie's little brother"...

Pretty devastating day for a 15 year old kid having his older sister's friends fight his battles.

Dartgod
05-01-2009, 11:27 AM
Mine was in 7th grade as well. Talent show and me and two other friends did this God-awful tumbling act. It was not pretty....at all.

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:29 AM
when I was a junior...I was skeeting on my girlfriend in my room...but my door was broke...wouldn't really shut...my 5 year old brother (at the time) arrived home with my stepdad...walks into my room...walks out and offers this gem: "daddy, rick's naked!"

I think I went limp pretty fast after that.

luv
05-01-2009, 11:30 AM
I've had a few in my life. The one I'll share is, when I used to go to church all the time, a small group of us went bowling after Sunday evening service. I tripped and fell when walking up to the lane....wearing a skirt.

That one is mild compared to most of mine, but that's the only one you're getting.

Demonpenz
05-01-2009, 11:30 AM
last night when I was extremely wasted (playing quarters with three people, one being a girl, who deferred all of her drinking to me) and professing my love to some girl who pretty much laughed in my face.

I have a new 'most embarrassing moment' every week.

cut yourself some slack right now, but if you are embarrassed after you drink you are an alchoholic.

Hurting yourself Physically with alcohol
Blacking out with alcohol
Hurting relashionships with alcohol
lost work, anxiety, self medication.

I would be careful and don't drink and drive, but look into it and get your shit straight because shit gets fucked up

Jethopper
05-01-2009, 11:30 AM
Got real drunk and passed out in a church on a saturday night. Preacher woke me up the next morning at like 6 and drove me home.

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:31 AM
I had never thrown up in my life...

8th grade...pretty important junior high basketball game...I was playing decent but I felt AWFUL...eventually I had to get out of the game...I went to the locker room...and all of the sudden I started spitting a bunch of hot saliva...thinking I was probably going to die I decided I wanted to get mother to diagnose my fate...so I went back to the court to summon mom...and lost about five gallons of vomit, all over the court...

Still haven't lived that one down.

Amnorix
05-01-2009, 11:31 AM
Being caught by my brother's girlfriend humping a rolled up piece of carpet.

And your second most is admitting this in public. :eek:

Seriously, I don't think I'd ever tell anyone about this.....ever.

Jethopper
05-01-2009, 11:31 AM
cut yourself some slack right now, but if you are embarrassed after you drink you are an alchoholic.

Sorry, I don't agree with blanket statements like this.

Donger
05-01-2009, 11:32 AM
And your second most is admitting this in public. :eek:

Seriously, I don't think I'd ever tell anyone about this.....ever.

I'd be willing to bet that it is not an uncommon occurrence. Well, maybe not humping a rolled up piece of carpet (since not every young man has access to a rolled up piece of carpet), but other various inanimate objects.

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:34 AM
cut yourself some slack right now, but if you are embarrassed after you drink you are an alchoholic.

Well that sucks. I do something embarrassing almost every week...

My really good girl friend hadn't seen me for a week...she came up to me at the bar two nights ago...and was like, "Rick do you remember last week at the bar?!"

(Of course I didn't)

Apparently I was involved in an altercation...I kept yelling at this guy that my mom sucks dick...like he would say something to me and I would yell at him about my mom sucking dick...somehow, demeaning my own mother really offended this guy...to the point where he wanted to fight me...so as he was charging me (I guess) I decide it's a good idea to take my pants off and start jumping up and down...peen out and everything...in front of 20 people I graduated with...

According to her it was the funniest thing she ever witnessed...so at least I have that going for me...

(and of course nothing happened fight wise since I literally had 20 people ready to kill this guy if he did anything, which is always nice)

(still don't understand how demeaning my own mother infuriates a person, but whatever)

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:36 AM
spin off:

I experienced my first real "sexually charged" kiss with a girl while watching Full House...and lost my virginity in a car behind a grain bin (out in BFE) listening to "Roll Out" by Ludacris.

My life rules.

Demonpenz
05-01-2009, 11:37 AM
Sorry, I don't agree with blanket statements like this.

people get the term itself built up to be something "ATLEAST I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC?!!? I won't hijack the thread, but it the main point is if you are alcoholic, alcohol abuser, whatever you want to lie to yourself about. The point remains the same. You are still fucking up your, and sometimes people around yourselfs life".

Nzoner
05-01-2009, 11:38 AM
I've told this before but what the hell.

I'm making cold calls for my advertising business about 1994 and stop into an old auto parts store in downtown.Older fellas running the place by himself,we start to visit and suddenly I have to shit and bad.I ask to use the toilet he points towards the back,well what I find is a very old toilet and very small.So I do my business all the while thinking this is going to be a log and I'm going to plug this mother up.

Well I flush and sure enough,oh hell,look around for a plunger and none,luckily it doesn't overflow but stops right at the top.I have a decision,do I get the hell out or politely ask the old boy if he has a plunger.I opt for the latter.

Old boy's eyes get big and I swear his voice turns into Festus like as he exclaims,"What in the sam hell did you do to stop it up."

Me.."sir if I just had a plunger..."

"It's across the street at the video store my son is over there you'll have to go get it!"

So I walk across the street meet old boy's son and after placing my request he gives a look like you've gotta be focking kidding me.He gets plunger and puts it in a grocery bag and says,"you might want to take it like this,having to walk across the streetand all."And I could tell he was ready to bust a gut laughing and I couldn't blame him.

By now I am so totally embarrassed that I just want it over and realize I now have to cross a busy street in a suit with a plunger handle sticking out of a bag.I make it back over and take care of the problem and apologize.Thankfully old boy didn't ask me to return the plunger I think he knew I had been embarrassed enough to last a lifetime.

excessive
05-01-2009, 11:39 AM
There I sat broken-hearted,
tried to fart,
but instead I sharted.

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:40 AM
people get the term itself built up to be something "ATLEAST I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC?!!? I won't hijack the thread, but it the main point is if you are alcoholic, alcohol abuser, whatever you want to lie to yourself about. The point remains the same. You are still ****ing up your, and sometimes people around yourselfs life".
mostly just mine...the lives of my friends would be way more dull without my drunk dumbassery.

Demonpenz
05-01-2009, 11:42 AM
Well that sucks. I do something embarrassing almost every week...

My really good girl friend hadn't seen me for a week...she came up to me at the bar two nights ago...and was like, "Rick do you remember last week at the bar?!"

(Of course I didn't)

Apparently I was involved in an altercation...I kept yelling at this guy that my mom sucks dick...like he would say something to me and I would yell at him about my mom sucking dick...somehow, demeaning my own mother really offended this guy...to the point where he wanted to fight me...so as he was charging me (I guess) I decide it's a good idea to take my pants off and start jumping up and down...peen out and everything...in front of 20 people I graduated with...

According to her it was the funniest thing she ever witnessed...so at least I have that going for me...

(and of course nothing happened fight wise since I literally had 20 people ready to kill this guy if he did anything, which is always nice)

(still don't understand how demeaning my own mother infuriates a person, but whatever)


It's ok I won't go all preacher on your ass, just pick up a booklet and be aware of it. Some red flags are going up if you are drinking whiskey and you hate the taste, if you are embarrssed, or if you are losing control. I am sure you got time in your day to read into it, of course your friends and the booze and your mind will try to spin what you are doing as "okay" but as time wears on you will be throwing up the next morning, recalling embarrassing drunk times, maybe in jail and it will be too late to realize it was Not okay.

Scorp
05-01-2009, 11:42 AM
Being caught by my brother's girlfriend humping a rolled up piece of carpet.

Carpet? Really? Why Carpet?:spock:

Dicky McElephant
05-01-2009, 11:43 AM
I have a couple.......let me type these bitches out.

Demonpenz
05-01-2009, 11:43 AM
Carpet? Really? Why Carpet?:spock:

it was shag, duh :o)

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:44 AM
It's ok I won't go all preacher on your ass, just pick up a booklet and be aware of it. Some red flags are going up if you are drinking whiskey and you hate the taste, if you are embarrssed, or if you are losing control. I am sure you got time in your day to read into it, of course your friends and the booze and your mind will try to spin what you are doing as "okay" but as time wears on you will be throwing up the next morning, recalling embarrassing drunk times, maybe in jail and it will be too late to realize it was Not okay.

I don't throw up...ever. I wish I did...I always feel like balls. Every day. Gigantic balls.

Softball tonight so you KNOW I'm getting wasted.

$4 pitchers, $1 drafts...how could I not?

Donger
05-01-2009, 11:44 AM
Carpet? Really? Why Carpet?:spock:

Oh, I don't know.

Demonpenz
05-01-2009, 11:45 AM
I don't throw up...ever. I wish I did...I always feel like balls. Every day. Gigantic balls.

Softball tonight so you KNOW I'm getting wasted.

$4 pitchers, $1 drafts...how could I not?

looking forward to the booze not the event, surprise

DaKCMan AP
05-01-2009, 11:49 AM
In high school I lost a bet and had to wear makeup that was applied by the girl I lost the bet to for one day.

Other than that, probably once or twice when I got really sick after a night of drinking.

wutamess
05-01-2009, 11:49 AM
Oh... I forgot about this gem...
I was pitching in our 10 & under baseball game. We were a horrible team but we were pretty good when I was on the mound. So we're playing the 2nd best team in the league and it's a really close ball game. I'm striking batters out left and right, next thing I know between innings my (nervous) stomach hits me where it hurts.

If any of you ever played baseball at Blue Valley off 17th & topping in KCMO, you know there aren't bathrooms anywhere close to the fields. so right before I'm to go tot he mound to start our defensive inning. I had my mother go down the hill with me and I had to shit behind a tree.

I came back feeling ten lbs lighter feeling like shit.
That'd have to be my most embarassing moment.

EyePod
05-01-2009, 11:50 AM
Well that sucks. I do something embarrassing almost every week...

My really good girl friend hadn't seen me for a week...she came up to me at the bar two nights ago...and was like, "Rick do you remember last week at the bar?!"

(Of course I didn't)

Apparently I was involved in an altercation...I kept yelling at this guy that my mom sucks dick...like he would say something to me and I would yell at him about my mom sucking dick...somehow, demeaning my own mother really offended this guy...to the point where he wanted to fight me...so as he was charging me (I guess) I decide it's a good idea to take my pants off and start jumping up and down...peen out and everything...in front of 20 people I graduated with...

According to her it was the funniest thing she ever witnessed...so at least I have that going for me...

(and of course nothing happened fight wise since I literally had 20 people ready to kill this guy if he did anything, which is always nice)

(still don't understand how demeaning my own mother infuriates a person, but whatever)

We should have some pictures of your mom now...

Dicky McElephant
05-01-2009, 11:51 AM
My friends and I are at Wendy's in Tucson on lunch break from our shitty job in the AF. So we eat...yada yada yada and Mike goes up to the counter to order something for someone back at the office. As he's doing this Cody and I are standing at the door waiting for him....bullshitting amongst ourselves. As we're talking a hot ass girl walks in with a mentally handicapped girl. I'm guessing that she's like a special ed teacher or something. Anyways they get behind Mike and the "special" girl starts repeating "uniform" over and over again really really loudly because we're all in our uniforms. I'm thinking nothing of it....just getting impatient because the dipshits behind the counter are taking FOR-FUCKING-EVER with his food! Anyways....Mike gets his food and goes to grab his drink. I yell out to him to see if he needs any help. Which he responds with WHAT!?!?!? So I say it louder....do you need any help? And he responds again with WHAT!?!??!? Sooooooo without using my fucking head...I bust out with the "DO YOU NEED ANY HELP" in a retarted voice that I do so well. As soon as I finish my sentence I realized what the fuck I just did. The hot chicks head snaps around and I get the worst glare/look I've ever gotten in my life. The kind of look that just makes you feel like dogshit that just got run over by a semi.

Short Leash Hootie
05-01-2009, 11:51 AM
We should have some pictures of your mom now...

and share my jerkin' material with the board?

Slight chance.

EyePod
05-01-2009, 11:53 AM
I've told this before but what the hell.

I'm making cold calls for my advertising business about 1994 and stop into an old auto parts store in downtown.Older fellas running the place by himself,we start to visit and suddenly I have to shit and bad.I ask to use the toilet he points towards the back,well what I find is a very old toilet and very small.So I do my business all the while thinking this is going to be a log and I'm going to plug this mother up.

Well I flush and sure enough,oh hell,look around for a plunger and none,luckily it doesn't overflow but stops right at the top.I have a decision,do I get the hell out or politely ask the old boy if he has a plunger.I opt for the latter.

Old boy's eyes get big and I swear his voice turns into Festus like as he exclaims,"What in the sam hell did you do to stop it up."

Me.."sir if I just had a plunger..."

"It's across the street at the video store my son is over there you'll have to go get it!"

So I walk across the street meet old boy's son and after placing my request he gives a look like you've gotta be focking kidding me.He gets plunger and puts it in a grocery bag and says,"you might want to take it like this,having to walk across the streetand all."And I could tell he was ready to bust a gut laughing and I couldn't blame him.

By now I am so totally embarrassed that I just want it over and realize I now have to cross a busy street in a suit with a plunger handle sticking out of a bag.I make it back over and take care of the problem and apologize.Thankfully old boy didn't ask me to return the plunger I think he knew I had been embarrassed enough to last a lifetime.

Did you get a deal with the with the auto parts guy after all of this?

Frazod
05-01-2009, 11:53 AM
It involved a burglar alarm, a .38, and a refrigerator. :spock:

Fish
05-01-2009, 11:57 AM
I was sitting in a full lecture hall one time at K-State waiting for a Circuit Theory 2 midterm. I was hella nervous, and tried to let out a little sneaky fart. But I broke the silence in the room with a fart so loud and powerful it shook the table. All I could do was grin and shrug it off.

jimhitter
05-01-2009, 11:57 AM
My ex mother in law, computer porn, my junk in my hand. "why and the hell are you up so early?"

Nzoner
05-01-2009, 12:03 PM
Did you get a deal with the with the auto parts guy after all of this?

no

Pioli Zombie
05-01-2009, 01:18 PM
You how your mom always said to put on decent underwear because "what if you got into an accident"?
1990. Boston.
I had a skin rash on my chest I just couldn't get rid of so I went to the dermotogist at the hospital. So they take me up to a room. And it so happens that day they have a fucking class observing. So they tell me to get on this table and they tell me to strip down to my underwear. Of course I hadn't done my laundry and I was down to my last pair of underwear. A pair that was probably a thousand years old. Had gone to many wars with me. Barely hanging on the elastic band. Lookingike they had been shredded by a tiger. With stains no washer could any longer get out.
I needed the skin cream so I just laid there and had went out of body experience through it and let them think the worst.
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CoMoChief
05-01-2009, 01:20 PM
last night when I was extremely wasted (playing quarters with three people, one being a girl, who deferred all of her drinking to me) and professing my love to some girl who pretty much laughed in my face.

I have a new 'most embarrassing moment' every week.

Ah.....you're one of those people....:shake:

Jenson71
05-01-2009, 01:24 PM
Two things:

8th grade - I made fun of a classmate's brother. I said "I hate that little fat kid." I didn't, I just wanted to be funny. It was miserable though. The girl took it hard and told her parents. Her dad came and talked to me about it. I denied it horribly. I still regret both saying it and the denial.

11th grade - Doing squats with two friends. The ones where you go down until you hit the bench and go quick back up. I joked to one friend that I should pull the bench out from underneath the other. He smiled. I took that as approval. I pulled it out, and my other friend went crashing down. It was actually pretty scary. The safety bars caught him a little but it was still the dumbest thing I've ever done, and I still feel embarassed today when I think about it.

Katipan
05-01-2009, 01:26 PM
I walked across a parking lot with my boob hanging out, I fell off the steps coming down off a monster truck, Eddie broke up with me in the 6th grade in front of his friends...

But I don't really get embarassed. I have a great sense of humor.

morphius
05-01-2009, 01:27 PM
Mine are all pretty lame, the only one I can think of where people started laughing at me was when were maxing out on dips in weightlifting class in HS and after my 20th one my arms just gave out and I fell to the floor. Then I flopped around like a fish for a few seconds because trying to stand up without the use of ones arms is a bit more difficult than one might expect.

morphius
05-01-2009, 01:30 PM
I walked across a parking lot with my boob hanging out, I fell off the steps coming down off a monster truck, Eddie broke up with me in the 6th grade in front of his friends...

But I don't really get embarassed. I have a great sense of humor.
When they are that small can you really say they were hanging out? hehe

morphius
will run and hide now.

ChiTown
05-01-2009, 01:32 PM
I walked across a parking lot with my boob hanging out, I fell off the steps coming down off a monster truck, Eddie broke up with me in the 6th grade in front of his friends...

But I don't really get embarassed. I have a great sense of humor.

6th grade? Boob? You mean a nipple was hanging out, right ?

Katipan
05-01-2009, 01:32 PM
When they are that small can you really say they were hanging out? hehe

morphius
will run and hide now.

Peeking out!

Asshole.

Donger
05-01-2009, 01:33 PM
When they are that small can you really say they were hanging out? hehe

morphius
will run and hide now.

Of course, no one had a telescope, so no one noticed.

Katipan
05-01-2009, 01:38 PM
Did I mention I was singing "This is why I'm hot" by Mims and was sauntering into the club like a black guy for the delight of the masses at the front door?




Inside note to Donger: I was going to use the word "delectment" but when searching for it, I couldn't find that it's actually a word. Did I totally make that word up???

DaKCMan AP
05-01-2009, 01:40 PM
Did I mention I was singing "This is why I'm hot" by Mims and was sauntering into the club like a black guy for the delight of the masses at the front door?


Did they tell you, "You ain't cause you not"?

Donger
05-01-2009, 01:41 PM
Did I totally make that word up???

Yes.

DeezNutz
05-01-2009, 01:42 PM
Did I totally make that word up???

Like, totally.

Katipan
05-01-2009, 01:42 PM
Did they tell you, "You ain't cause you not"?

Not generally, but there are days

rockymtnchief
05-01-2009, 01:42 PM
When I was around 30, I was behind the chutes at a rodeo. Most of the riders were 20-22 years old and nervous as hell. I'd been on the contractors bulls so many times it was hard to even get adrenaline flowing anymore. So I thought I'd tell a few jokes to loosen things up. I tell a joke and one of the guys says, "I've heard that one before, but the punchline was anal sex." I proceed to correct the boy and then tell him that riding bulls is like anal sex. You bend at the knees, keep your back straight, head down, and make really funny faces. So I start doing these deep knee bends, making funny faces, and acting like I'm pointing my schlong downwards. At first, I didn't think any of them understood what I was talking about because there was no reaction. That's when I turned around to see my best friends mom and sister standing two feet behind me listening intently. Up until that day, they thought I was the sweetest guy they'd ever met.

KCChiefsMan
05-01-2009, 01:44 PM
telling people on the internets that we should have sex robots :)

Jenson71
05-01-2009, 01:45 PM
That's a pretty good one, rockymtnchief.

rockymtnchief
05-01-2009, 01:47 PM
That's a pretty good one, rockymtnchief.

To this day, I still can't look his mom in the eye or make chit-chat. I just stand there and blush.

Buehler445
05-01-2009, 01:47 PM
Eh. Not too many. Most of the time I just say or do something stupid.

One funny one though was when I was running track in high school I was headed to the bathroom talking to these other guys that were doing the event with me. As we were walking into the bathroom past these incredibly smokin hot chicks, one of the guys looked at me and loudly said, "Buehler, do you still have diahrea?" (Of course I didn't). I couldn't say anything that would make anyone believe I didn't have it so I just called him a son of a bitch and called it good.
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Lumpy
05-01-2009, 01:50 PM
When I was 16 or 17, my b/f at the time, (now hubby) and I were relaxing on the floor watching a movie. I was flat on my belly and he was using my arse as a pillow. Well... low and behold I let loose a silent *poot*. He jumped up, called me a stinky beyatch, (or something along those lines). We couldn't stop laughing. I was so embarrassed.

rockymtnchief
05-01-2009, 01:52 PM
Eh. Not too many. Most of the time I just say or do something stupid.

One funny one though was when I was running track in high school I was headed to the bathroom talking to these other guys that were doing the event with me. As we were walking into the bathroom past these incredibly smokin hot chicks, one of the guys looked at me and loudly said, "Buehler, do you still have diahrea?" (Of course I didn't). I couldn't say anything that would make anyone believe I didn't have it so I just called him a son of a bitch and called it good.
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I do something similar to that to my friends. I wait until the gals walk by and then loudly say, "Buehler, settle down...it's only an ass!" The gals always give my buddies the dirtiest looks and the buddy just stands there speechless.

Donger
05-01-2009, 01:55 PM
When I was 16 or 17, my b/f at the time, (now hubby) and I were relaxing on the floor watching a movie. I was flat on my belly and he was using my arse as a pillow. Well... low and behold I let loose a silent *poot*. He jumped up, called me a stinky beyatch, (or something along those lines). We couldn't stop laughing. I was so embarrassed.

I had a similar experience. I was laying down on my back on the 18th green of Brookridge Country Club (I think) one night talking to a young lady. For some unfathomable reason, she suddenly decides to jump on me, which I wasn't expecting. Unfortunately, much of her weight landed on my belly.

The resulting fart was both loud and offensively smelly. Needless to say, the romance didn't go much further that night.

phisherman
05-01-2009, 01:57 PM
I do something similar to that to my friends. I wait until the gals walk by and then loudly say, "Buehler, settle down...it's only an ass!" The gals always give my buddies the dirtiest looks and the buddy just stands there speechless.

that is a total cockblock, and one of the lowest things you can do to your buddies.

phisherman
05-01-2009, 01:58 PM
Mine would have to be in Junior High 7trh grade... I had just hit someone in music class and started running away. You know... the kind of running where you're not fully running because you don't want teachers to get after you?

Anyways... I'm almost in the clear when all of a sudden someone sticks out their foot and I must've slid (books first) about 15 feet down the hallway in front of what seemed like the entire 7th grade.

I'm sure I have more but that's all I can remember at the time.

What you got?

i thought your story was going to be how pete and i had to explain what stock options were to you. i found this funny considering you had a bunch of them at the time.

wutamess
05-01-2009, 01:59 PM
that is a total cockblock, and one of the lowest things you can do to your buddies.

Calm down... it may be an "in" to get to talk to the chick.
Did you get that job?

CoMoChief
05-01-2009, 01:59 PM
Took a shit in a church, the bathroom was right by the main entrance, I clogged the toilet, tried to plunge and it wasn't working....at all. Finally gave up and left and after I go in (it was a mixed gender bathroom - or family restroom) a little girl followed and ran out screaming "OMG!!!!!!!" this was when church was letting out and people are around talking shooting the shit etc. So what did I do?

I did what every other manly person would do, claim the fame and sit there in front of the bathroom and flexed.

wutamess
05-01-2009, 02:00 PM
i thought your story was going to be how pete and i had to explain what stock options were to you. i found this funny considering you had a bunch of them at the time.

I've never owned options.
Just stocks.

rockymtnchief
05-01-2009, 02:02 PM
that is a total cockblock, and one of the lowest things you can do to your buddies.

Considering that my friends are all married, It's more embarrassment than cockblocking.

ZepSinger
05-01-2009, 02:08 PM
Many years back, my band played a weeklong gig at a ski lodge in northern Minnesota. We got free skiing for the week, something I'd never done before. One day at noon, I walked into the crowded lunchroom after a morning of skiing. I had my ski boots on, which are nothing but hard plastic shells. The linoleum floor was wet from snow being tracked in; hard plastic on wet linoleum is BIG TIME slippery. I wiped out, equally big time. But the embarassing part was, I couldn"t get back up because the boots were strapped up past the ankles- no bending in order to stand back up. Finally after about 2 minutes of struggling to do so, the 70-year old lunch lady had to come help me up. And all to the snickers of a couple hundred skiers. I still cringe when I think of that...

Z

Groves
05-01-2009, 02:17 PM
At a lumberyard, they often cut long boards down for a customer that doesn't want the full board. This leaves a growing pile of boards that have a reduced length. They are "short" boards. They often have reduced prices to match.

I went into a hardwood dealer in St. Louis a few years back, and approached the man who was stationed behind the register. Now, this particular dealer only had two sizes of lumbermen working. Big, and Gigantic. They also came in only one flavor....surly.

It's polite to ask before you go rummaging around the stacks of expensive lumber not in the mail room, so I intended to get permission.

I looked him in the eye and said, "Is it alright if I poke around your shorts in the back room?"

Neither one of us were amused.

ChiTown
05-01-2009, 02:20 PM
At a lumberyard, they often cut long boards down for a customer that doesn't want the full board. This leaves a growing pile of boards that have a reduced length. They are "short" boards. They often have reduced prices to match.

I went into a hardwood dealer in St. Louis a few years back, and approached the man who was stationed behind the register. Now, this particular dealer only had two sizes of lumbermen working. Big, and Gigantic. They also came in only one flavor....surly.

It's polite to ask before you go rummaging around the stacks of expensive lumber not in the mail room, so I intended to get permission.

I looked him in the eye and said, "Is it alright if I poke around your shorts in the back room?"

Neither one of us were amused.

ROFL Quality!

raybec 4
05-01-2009, 03:00 PM
I posted part of this in another thread but I'll do it again:

I was attending a jiu-jitsu seminar being taught by Eddie Bravo (founder of 10th planet jiu-jitsu). We had met before and had the opportunity to party together on one other occasion. The last day of the class was a sort of free grappling session. Because we semi knew each other he chose to "grapple with me". I was there with 6 of my friends and a girl I was trying very hard to bang. He put me in his signature move called the "twister"( which is very painful) after about one minute of grappling. Like a dumbass I refused to tap. He put me in every submission he could think of with great ease. Eventually he just choked me out, literally putting me to sleep.

Dicky McElephant
05-01-2009, 03:02 PM
I posted part of this in another thread but I'll do it again:

I was attending a jiu-jitsu seminar being taught by Eddie Bravo (founder of 10th planet jiu-jitsu). We had met before and had the opportunity to party together on one other occasion. The last day of the class was a sort of free grappling session. Because we semi knew each other he chose to "grapple with me". I was there with 6 of my friends and a girl I was trying very hard to bang. He put me in his signature move called the "twister"( which is very painful) after about one minute of grappling. Like a dumbass I refused to tap. He put me in every submission he could think of with great ease. Eventually he just choked me out, literally putting me to sleep.

I had a buddy of mine do that to me. He's not an MMA fighter but he knows a lot of different martial arts and some submission moves. We were joking around and I kept refusing to tap (because I'm stubborn). Dude freaking put me to sleep on my front lawn in front of this really hot chick.

rockymtnchief
05-01-2009, 03:04 PM
Did either of you get a 'sympathy bop'?:)

raybec 4
05-01-2009, 03:05 PM
I had a buddy of mine do that to me. He's not an MMA fighter but he knows a lot of different martial arts and some submission moves. We were joking around and I kept refusing to tap (because I'm stubborn). Dude freaking put me to sleep on my front lawn in front of this really hot chick.

It fuckin sucks don't it

raybec 4
05-01-2009, 03:05 PM
Did either of you get a 'sympathy bop'?:)

Actually I think Eddie Bravo fucked that slut.

Dicky McElephant
05-01-2009, 03:06 PM
Did either of you get a 'sympathy bop'?:)

Yes....yes I did.

Dicky McElephant
05-01-2009, 03:07 PM
It fuckin sucks don't it

lol....I woke up and wondered what the fuck had happened. He was just standing there laughing at me.

raybec 4
05-01-2009, 03:08 PM
lol....I woke up and wondered what the fuck had happened. He was just standing there laughing at me.

Yeah, you always go out fast and wake up confused.

rockymtnchief
05-01-2009, 03:09 PM
Yes....yes I did.

:bravo:Sometimes it pays to be stubborn.

Dicky McElephant
05-01-2009, 03:10 PM
:bravo:Sometimes it pays to be stubborn.

And other times it doesn't. I guess this was just one of those times. :D

Pioli Zombie
05-01-2009, 03:15 PM
I started going off at the dummys in Burger King then I turned around and there was somebody from my church.
Posted via Mobile Device

MOhillbilly
05-01-2009, 03:23 PM
Alright i will play. Many of you knowwho my uncle is so you can imagine how gung-ho a 7th grade MOhillbilly was for football. Excited to smash someone and make an uncle proud.

I show up for the first day of practice having ZERO idea what to expect. walk in to the jr. high and all were doing is getting equipment. A bolt goes up my spine and my face runs flush.
laid out before me is a gym full of equipment w/ moms & some older girls,one of the coaches says strip. i do. all i gots on in my jockstrap.
:banghead:

Dicky McElephant
05-01-2009, 03:28 PM
Alright i will play. Many of you knowwho my uncle is so you can imagine how gung-ho a 7th grade MOhillbilly was for football. Excited to smash someone and make an uncle proud.

I show up for the first day of practice having ZERO idea what to expect. walk in to the jr. high and all were doing is getting equipment. A bolt goes up my spine and my face runs flush.
laid out before me is a gym full of equipment w/ moms & some older girls,one of the coaches says strip. i do. all i gots on in my jockstrap.
:banghead:

Who's your uncle?

rockymtnchief
05-01-2009, 03:38 PM
Alright i will play. Many of you knowwho my uncle is so you can imagine how gung-ho a 7th grade MOhillbilly was for football. Excited to smash someone and make an uncle proud.

I show up for the first day of practice having ZERO idea what to expect. walk in to the jr. high and all were doing is getting equipment. A bolt goes up my spine and my face runs flush.
laid out before me is a gym full of equipment w/ moms & some older girls,one of the coaches says strip. i do. all i gots on in my jockstrap.
:banghead:
Reminds me of the time my mom took me to the store to buy a nut cup for 7th grade football. I heard the sales lady tell my mom that she'd grab me a "size small" for a cup. I yelled across the store, "you don't know how big my dick is!"
The lady blushed and informed me that "All cups are the same size. I was talking about your WAIST size."

My mom almost beat me to death when we got outside.

MOhillbilly
05-01-2009, 03:46 PM
Reminds me of the time my mom took me to the store to buy a nut cup for 7th grade football. I heard the sales lady tell my mom that she'd grab me a "size small" for a cup. I yelled across the store, "you don't know how big my dick is!"
The lady blushed and informed me that "All cups are the same size. I was talking about your WAIST size."

My mom almost beat me to death when we got outside.

Sweet.

ChiTown
05-01-2009, 03:47 PM
Reminds me of the time my mom took me to the store to buy a nut cup for 7th grade football. I heard the sales lady tell my mom that she'd grab me a "size small" for a cup. I yelled across the store, "you don't know how big my dick is!"
The lady blushed and informed me that "All cups are the same size. I was talking about your WAIST size."

My mom almost beat me to death when we got outside.

LMAO

Donger
05-01-2009, 03:48 PM
Reminds me of the time my mom took me to the store to buy a nut cup for 7th grade football. I heard the sales lady tell my mom that she'd grab me a "size small" for a cup. I yelled across the store, "you don't know how big my dick is!"
The lady blushed and informed me that "All cups are the same size. I was talking about your WAIST size."

My mom almost beat me to death when we got outside.

LMAO

ziggysocki
05-01-2009, 03:56 PM
and share my jerkin' material with the board?

Slight chance.

hahahahha, nice... good work.

Dicky McElephant
05-01-2009, 04:00 PM
Reminds me of the time my mom took me to the store to buy a nut cup for 7th grade football. I heard the sales lady tell my mom that she'd grab me a "size small" for a cup. I yelled across the store, "you don't know how big my dick is!"
The lady blushed and informed me that "All cups are the same size. I was talking about your WAIST size."

My mom almost beat me to death when we got outside.

:LOL:LMAO

ziggysocki
05-01-2009, 04:01 PM
I started going off at the dummys in Burger King then I turned around and there was somebody from my church.
Posted via Mobile Device

You really go to church? That is embarrassing.

jidar
05-01-2009, 04:03 PM
You really go to church? That is embarrassing.

lol

RedNeckRaider
05-01-2009, 04:37 PM
I was lined up against a rather shy and at the time seemed like a easy target kid doing a one on one drill at football practice. I had a shit eating grin on my face knowing that destroying this guy would be effortless and make me look good in front of the coaches. The whistle blows and I fire off only to find myself getting up pulling grass out of my facemask. The coach lines us up again and I am steaming mad. Thats it for this guy! no mercy it is on! the whistle blows and once again I am on the ground not knowing what the hell happened. The coach gets two more guys lined up and the players around are hanging shit. Well I did not think it could get worse....it did the assistant coach yells to the head coach that they need to get me brand new equipment. Then he says that way it will be brand new next year :shake: I later found out the shy kid was into Judo.

kepp
05-01-2009, 04:44 PM
Actually I think Eddie Bravo ****ed that slut.

With a name like Eddie Bravo, how could that NOT happen?

ziggysocki
05-01-2009, 04:44 PM
At 16 I had my first experience with bourbon. I was at a barn party playing a drinking game called Circle of Death. I was playing with this cheap nasty ass bourbon (H&H I think) and basically chugged a liter or so in about an hour. Needless to say I blacked out in the next hour sometime... I woke up at 7 am in the back yard with my pants around my ankles and my boxers soaked (with piss). Found out later that I went to take a leak, and never came back. Real good friends never even came to check on me. (I have a habit of kind of disappearing without notice--still do) But regardless... I don't drink bourbon. Evar!

raybec 4
05-01-2009, 04:46 PM
With a name like Eddie Bravo, how could that NOT happen?

Yeah, my story makes him sound like a schlong, but he's super cool and really laid back. He gets much poon too.

ChiTown
05-01-2009, 04:49 PM
Having to have sex with 3 beautiful women at once. What? I was young, and I needed the money.............

embarrassing

Fritz88
05-01-2009, 04:51 PM
One day I got off a math test. I messed up a few questions and I wasn't happy.

I kept walking on campus and everytime I pass by someone they either smile or they have a shock look in their faces. Needless to say, I was pissed and I didn't care. I kept walking until this hot chick passed by, looked below my belly and smiled.

I looked down and it turns out I had my zipper unzipped and my dong was dangling for the past 10 mins.

stevieray
05-01-2009, 05:04 PM
"Even your fly has sparkles...."

Pioli Zombie
05-01-2009, 05:23 PM
You really go to church? That is embarrassing.

Not as embarrassing as spending eternity burning in a sea of agonizing hell fire.

I just always wanted to say that.

I was going more for a laugh than starting anything heavy here. :)
Posted via Mobile Device

jjjayb
05-01-2009, 05:41 PM
I was at this concert and pretty high on acid. I decided to take off my wizard costume and dance around naked. It was cold and my junk shriveled up to the size of a tater-tot. The cops came and tazed me in front of everyone.


Oh wait. That wasn't me. I just saw it on the internet.

bevischief
05-01-2009, 05:43 PM
Reminds me of the time my mom took me to the store to buy a nut cup for 7th grade football. I heard the sales lady tell my mom that she'd grab me a "size small" for a cup. I yelled across the store, "you don't know how big my dick is!"
The lady blushed and informed me that "All cups are the same size. I was talking about your WAIST size."

My mom almost beat me to death when we got outside.

LMAOLMAO

bevischief
05-01-2009, 05:48 PM
One day I got off a math test. I messed up a few questions and I wasn't happy.

I kept walking on campus and everytime I pass by someone they either smile or they have a shock look in their faces. Needless to say, I was pissed and I didn't care. I kept walking until this hot chick passed by, looked below my belly and smiled.

I looked down and it turns out I had my zipper unzipped and my dong was dangling for the past 10 mins.

LMAOLMAO

Baby Lee
05-01-2009, 06:43 PM
Who's your uncle?

Just the quarterback king of Excelsior Springs.

DJJasonp
05-01-2009, 08:20 PM
Around high school days...I was playing a pretty competitive tennis match....in the traditional tennis getup (collared shirt...white tennis shorts).

During a lunge to return a serve, I let loose what I had hoped was a fart....only to instantly feel the sting of a nasty (and quite large/messy) shart.

I instantly made a quick move to the park bathrooms....had to lose the undies....and pull down the shirt to avoid exposing a "stained" white shorts backside.

A 15 minute drive (sitting on a towel) home (while meanwhile trying to hide the "incident" from my friend/opponent)....was quite humbling.

Needless to say....1 ruined undie....1 ruined tennis shorts

Groves
05-01-2009, 08:31 PM
Needless to say....1 ruined undie....1 ruined tennis shorts

Ahem......what about the match?

DJJasonp
05-01-2009, 09:06 PM
Ahem......what about the match?

Didnt beat the spread....

Marcellus
05-01-2009, 09:18 PM
I was showering with my ex wife who was my girlfriend at the time over at her house and we were starting to fool around. I slipped and did that slow motion try to regain my balance thing and fell out of the tub rather ungracefully ripping the shower curtain down in the process. Ended up laying in the floor with the shower curtain crashed down on me with a hard on.

Not cool.

Beerfund
05-01-2009, 09:32 PM
me and my cousin once touched eachothers penises

luv
05-01-2009, 09:35 PM
me and my cousin once touched eachothers penises

Like penis to penis?

Jenson71
05-01-2009, 09:37 PM
me and my cousin once touched eachothers penises

And the embarrassing part was you orgasmed instantly.

Beerfund
05-01-2009, 10:03 PM
Like penis to penis?

yeah, just like your first time.

luv
05-01-2009, 10:17 PM
yeah, just like your first time.

You do know I'm a chick, right?

RedThat
05-01-2009, 10:18 PM
I remember I went skiing 1st time ever was in grade 7 about 19 years ago, was twelve at the time, I went on a ski lift(mind you never been on these things before so I had no clue what to do?)...Im sitting there chatting with the guy next to me on the skilift I see him jump off when the time came to jump off, and here I am like a stooge questioning "what the heck is that guy doing?" Little did I know I was supposed to jump off!! He looks back at me starts laughing his a** off, while the ski lift operator is yelling his lungs off at me and Im all red and embarrassed I actually went around with the ski lift, so, the ski lift operator had to stop the ski lift, reverse it, and carry me off...Hey i was scared to jump as well lol

Pioli Zombie
05-01-2009, 10:22 PM
me and my cousin once touched eachothers penises

So....does this make things awkward at thanksgiving?
Posted via Mobile Device

Baby Lee
05-02-2009, 06:47 AM
Having to have sex with 3 beautiful women at once. What? I was young, and I needed the money.............

embarrassing
You want embarassing?

Let this tatted Korean chick give me a hand job with her mouth, and now I can't find my ATM card.

Crush
05-02-2009, 07:20 AM
Accidentally walking into the girls restroom in 2nd grade. Needless to say, they were not amused.

RedNeckRaider
05-02-2009, 09:07 AM
Another embarassing time I was around 17 or 18 and was sparring with a local pro fighter. Now there was little doubt he could handle me, but young and dumb I am trying to show him I am tough. We start trading leather a little more serious and he drops his hands and sticks his chin out. He says go ahead, I just play it off and stick him with a stiff jab. He laughs and say go ahead kid take a shot, now I am pissed and think screw this I am going to drop him. I flint a jab and land a overhead right. Now I aint no super badass but I have put guys to sleep with that type of punch. In front of a gym full of guys this guy takes my best shot and looks at me and says "Thank you Lucy"

CoMoChief
05-02-2009, 11:36 AM
Accidentally walking into the girls restroom in 2nd grade. Needless to say, they were not amused.

I've used this excuse before too.

Baby Lee
05-02-2009, 01:00 PM
I've used this excuse before too.

Prone to walking into 2nd grade girls bathrooms are we?

http://www.lolsauce.com/RandomBS/Pedo%20bear.png

unothadeal
05-02-2009, 01:04 PM
Another embarassing time I was around 17 or 18 and was sparring with a local pro fighter. Now there was little doubt he could handle me, but young and dumb I am trying to show him I am tough. We start trading leather a little more serious and he drops his hands and sticks his chin out. He says go ahead, I just play it off and stick him with a stiff jab. He laughs and say go ahead kid take a shot, now I am pissed and think screw this I am going to drop him. I flint a jab and land a overhead right. Now I aint no super badass but I have put guys to sleep with that type of punch. In front of a gym full of guys this guy takes my best shot and looks at me and says "Thank you Lucy"

You're name's Lucy? How embarrassing.

Bwana
05-02-2009, 03:10 PM
This one is not mine, but my wifes. About 4 months after I starting to date my then girlfriend, now wife, I sent her over to my place to check on something. Hell, I don't even remember what it was now. In any event, she walked into the house and found my 300 pound plus roommate buck naked, laying on the couch, rubbing one out to some porn movie. Old Scooter grabbed a blanket and covered himself, but the mental damage was already done on both sides.

Pioli Zombie
05-02-2009, 03:17 PM
Well 5 minutes ago my little kids gave me a wedgey.
Posted via Mobile Device

RedNeckRaider
05-02-2009, 11:53 PM
You're name's Lucy? How embarrassing.

wow you are like funny :rolleyes:

liljohn7
05-03-2009, 02:00 AM
Okay. I rarely post because I work to much and I only get on the internet from my blackberry but I have a good one.
My wife wakes me and asks me to run to the store and get milk. I just grab a pair of jeans off the dirty clothes pile and head to walgreens. I am walking through the store, bleary eyed and I hear this woman saying "excuse me, you dropped this" I turn to see a woman holding a pair of my dirty underwear that had fallen out of my pants leg. I told her they weren't mine but I don't think she believed me.
Posted via Mobile Device

Bwana
05-03-2009, 09:09 AM
Reminds me of the time my mom took me to the store to buy a nut cup for 7th grade football. I heard the sales lady tell my mom that she'd grab me a "size small" for a cup. I yelled across the store, "you don't know how big my dick is!"
The lady blushed and informed me that "All cups are the same size. I was talking about your WAIST size."

My mom almost beat me to death when we got outside.

ROFL

Nzoner
05-03-2009, 09:21 AM
Accidentally walking into the girls restroom in 2nd grade. Needless to say, they were not amused.

I was quite drunk at a Royals game one night and I went to the bathroom and went in the first stall.Just got into full stream piss mode and it hit me that the whole place was full of stalls.

Thankfully it was a night when they weren't many people there and my only encounter with any women was upon exiting.