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MOhillbilly
08-21-2009, 08:36 AM
your old man kicked down to you.


When i was a kid my cat would get up in a tree and wouldnt come down. Id cry and tell him to get a ladder to get it down.
He replied ' you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?':D

stumppy
08-21-2009, 08:56 AM
Watch your back and keep your powder dry.







That came from my old attorney. Never got to know my old man.

HemiEd
08-21-2009, 08:59 AM
Wisdom, there is no substitute.

We have some fairly new, very nice Polish neighbors. They spoil the shit out of their 6 year old. I could talk about that for quite a while.

He was crying about his cat being in the tree, and his mother was upset and asked me to help.

I told her to call the fire department, she didn't think it was very funny. Didn't one of those first "reader" books have a firemen helping a cat out of a tree?

I wish I would have thought of your Dad's line.

seclark
08-21-2009, 08:59 AM
my old man taught me how to fish w/explosives.
trap turkeys w/old bed springs.
roll a smoke.

he also taught me not to expect anyone to bail me out of jail if i got caught doing any of the above 3.
sec

chasedude
08-21-2009, 09:01 AM
"Son, when they're born, they knock the dicks off the dumb ones"

My dad is a great man.

HemiEd
08-21-2009, 09:02 AM
Dad told me I could accomplish anything, if I really wanted to.

I want a hole in one, real bad, so maybe someday it is going to happen.

MOhillbilly
08-21-2009, 09:07 AM
he also taught me not to expect anyone to bail me out of jail .
sec

Heard this once. Took it to heart.

Chief Henry
08-21-2009, 09:08 AM
My dad was huge a baseball fan. We use to play alot of catch on summer evenings while listening to the STL. Cardinals on the radio. I cherish those memories. He died when I was 10...............Today I'm still a huge STL. Cardinals fan.

Pablo
08-21-2009, 09:12 AM
Don't judge a man unless you've been there before and always keep the beer in the bottom drawer of the fridge.

He also taught me what little carpentry I know; but looking back he just wanted the free labor...that sum'bitch.

Duck Dog
08-21-2009, 09:12 AM
Son, there's two kinds of ponds you never mess with.

1. Square ponds
and
2. Tam Ponds.

Demonpenz
08-21-2009, 09:14 AM
this is about as cliche as it gets, but I was like 8 and loved money for candy. I went over to dad's poker game and counted his money lmao. the kenny rogers song came out fast that day

Mr. Flopnuts
08-21-2009, 09:14 AM
My old man taught me to envision the environment I wanted to be in until it became so. Yeah, we're fucking weird.

Pablo
08-21-2009, 09:16 AM
My dad also taught me that most any stereo will crank up to 11; and if it's too loud you're too old.

Otter
08-21-2009, 09:18 AM
"You're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a stranger offers you a ride I say take it!".

Lumpy
08-21-2009, 09:25 AM
"No wire hangers, ever!"

Good ol' mom. :D

burt
08-21-2009, 09:27 AM
"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Make an ugly woman your wife..." Oh wait, that was a song.












I shoulda listened!

burt
08-21-2009, 09:28 AM
"sometimes, it's better to sit back and wait......just to see which farts shake out of the blankets."

Iowanian
08-21-2009, 09:29 AM
Son, Tact is the ability to tell a man to go to hell and have him feel happy about his trip.

jidar
08-21-2009, 09:29 AM
Everything I know about morality and life I learned from comics and books. I actually judge that as an improvement over most parents.
Comics can't play catch with you though.

ChiefsOne
08-21-2009, 09:29 AM
Don't ask for anything, but if someone offers you something... accept it and say thanks!

This came from my rich uncle JoeMac after he offered me a little money while I was going to college after I said you don't have to do that. Stuck with me ever since!

ChiTown
08-21-2009, 09:30 AM
Chiefs Game - Circa 1971

Me: Dad, let's get out of the rain

Dad: I'm not in the rain - you are. You're the one that didn't bring an umbrella/poncho.

Me: Oh

Moral - Always be prepared.

CoMoChief
08-21-2009, 09:33 AM
I used to get up for school when I was younger......walk into the kitchen where my dad was in his robe, drinking coffee and reading the paper. I would ask to see the sports section, he then looked up and replied, "well those ugly pills are sure working today aren't they?" He then smirked and just continued reading the paper as if I had never asked him to see the sports section........my dad is awesome.

angelo
08-21-2009, 09:33 AM
My father taught me to never spill his scotch!!!!

Ang

CosmicPal
08-21-2009, 09:43 AM
"Son, you have illusions of grandeur. But I still love you."

Consistent1
08-21-2009, 09:46 AM
I might have heard some wisdom at some point, but how can I repeat it when I didn't listen?

Duck Dog
08-21-2009, 09:47 AM
My dads reaction to one particular babe I brought home one summer.

"Son, that's not the kind of girl you bring home to mom, that's the kind of girl you bring home to dad".

Mr. Plow
08-21-2009, 09:54 AM
Drop something on your foot, run into a wall, or just in general hurt yourself and my dad still to this day replies "Do it again, I didn't feel it."

Not really advice, but I love my dad.

raybec 4
08-21-2009, 09:55 AM
Some from my pops-

"No matter how fine she is there's a man somewhere who's sick of her shit"

"It aint mean if it's true"

"A piece turned down is a peice never gotten"

Buehler445
08-21-2009, 09:56 AM
My old man taught me a lot. At a high level, the best thing he taught me was to work smarter, not harder.
Posted via Mobile Device

ziggysocki
08-21-2009, 09:59 AM
My old man taught me that anyone who thinks they are too good for a specific job doesn't really need one in the first place.

gblowfish
08-21-2009, 10:01 AM
My dad taught me lots of great stuff:

1) Don't smoke. The air quality in the city is bad enough already.

2) Beer before Whiskey, mighty risky. Whiskey before beer, never fear.

3) Wash the car from the roof downwards. Saves quarters that way.

4) Painting: Two coats thin better than one thick.

5) Dryer lint is great for starting a camp fire.

6) Don't write checks with your mouth that your ass can't cash.

7) Hustle covers a multitude of sins.

8) Choke up with two strikes, cut down your swing. Put the ball in play.

9) Charcoal Stackers mean never having to buy lighter fluid.

10) Never trust your employer. They'll always do what's in their best interest first.

Sofa King
08-21-2009, 10:04 AM
A good friend will bail you outta jail.


A best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was awesome!"

BigVE
08-21-2009, 10:06 AM
I used to go to work with my dad on occasion on a Saturday morning when I was a kid. At times it would be real cold out, bundled up in insulated cover-alls, gloves, 3 pairs of socks and the whole nine yards...I would be sitting there whining about how cold it was and he said "If your cold that means your not working hard enough." I still use that one when my crew wants to wine a bit about it being chilly. My dad had a whole list of lil' sayings but most of them were either insulting, racist or dumb....and I love 'em all. ;)

Sofa King
08-21-2009, 10:06 AM
oh, and Dad told me, "if you get drunk and go in a ditch, aim for the corner of an oncoming approach... it's a smoother ride" *chuckle*........ he's apparantly done that...



and my favorite came from my brother in law.... "There's just some things women don't need to know" no truer words have ever been spoken.

stevieray
08-21-2009, 10:10 AM
the following conversation took place betweem a classmate and my father

Dad: hey darrell, let me bum a smoke...
Darrell: sure
Dad: got a light?
Darrell: you want me to smoke it for you too? (hurrrrr)
Dad: No, but if you stick around, I'll let you put it out...

burt
08-21-2009, 10:11 AM
"Son, you have an aligator mouth and a hummingbird ass."

ChiefJustice
08-21-2009, 10:13 AM
Son, Tact is the ability to tell a man to go to hell and have him feel happy about his trip.

There is a bit of Zen mastery in this.

What the hell happened to you?ROFL

Skip Towne
08-21-2009, 10:25 AM
It's just as easy to love a rich girl as it is a poor one.

Nzoner
08-21-2009, 10:31 AM
I asked my dad once if he wanted to split the cost of a pizza and he made me break a $10 bill to to give him 47 cents I was short on.

Looking back I guess he was trying to teach me that if you say it do it,but damn 47 cents.

Nzoner
08-21-2009, 10:32 AM
the following conversation took place betweem a classmate and my father

Dad: hey darrell, let me bum a smoke...
Darrell: sure
Dad: got a light?
Darrell: you want me to smoke it for you too? (hurrrrr)
Dad: No, but if you stick around, I'll let you put it out...


so that explains it :D

Dayze
08-21-2009, 10:38 AM
after a hard breakup in my younger days
"Son...there are two things in life you're going to go through a lot of....cars, and women"

raybec 4
08-21-2009, 10:41 AM
after a hard breakup in my younger days
"Son...there are two things in life you're going to go through a lot of....cars, and women"

I had a similar one but my dad said "You can guarantee if it's got tits or tires it's going to give you trouble"

MOhillbilly
08-21-2009, 10:43 AM
-i never met a puppy or woman who didnt like a little positive attention.-

Fish
08-21-2009, 10:44 AM
If its got tits or tires, it's gonna be expensive and piss you off. Just get used to it.

Iowanian
08-21-2009, 10:45 AM
Dad never really came out and said "don't be a pussy" but he was definitely a "walk it off" kind of guy. We'd be watching him fix farm machinery, he'd smash the shit out of his thumb, throw a hammer, cuss a little...then pick it up and go back to it.

He had a saying when we hurt ourselves.....

Example. The summer after 8th grade, I was doing something stupid and got my legs run over by a van. I was hopping around in the road, cussing....

he walked over, said "stop cussing. It'll feel better when it quits hurting".

He said "It'll feel better when it quits hurting alot".....bike wrecks, falling down when we were kids, sports wounds and girls-heartbreaks when we were older.

If you got hurt and dad didn't say that....you knew you were effed up.

CosmicPal
08-21-2009, 10:47 AM
"If the country thinks you're old enough to go off to war, then you're old enough to have a drink with dad."

ziggysocki
08-21-2009, 10:49 AM
Wisdom from MOM: Strippers make horrible wives, just ask your dad.

Pestilence
08-21-2009, 10:52 AM
I always used to collect football cards and comic books back when I was younger. I would look in the magazines and run to my Dad and show him how much some of them were worth. I remember finding a first edition comic book and showing him that it was worth $75. And he said...

"That isn't worth shit unless you can find another guy to give you $75 for it."

Harsh but true. I later found out that when he decided to join the Air Force....he had a tryout the same day with a professional baseball team. To get back at him....my Grandma threw away his baseball card collection. Apparently he had some rare ass cards in that collection.

Simply Red
08-21-2009, 10:53 AM
"You're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a stranger offers you a ride I say take it!".

ROFL

RJ
08-21-2009, 10:53 AM
My dad passed away last December. I really miss him.

He taught me a lot about business, but not always about making money. He taught me about how to conduct yourself.

Dad owned a fairly large mobile home dealership in western Kentucky. One year we had a really bad snow and ice storm and couldn't do any deliveries for over a week. He had about a dozen guys who worked the deliveries and set-ups and of course there was no work for them to do, but those that could make it in still showed up in the mornings. He never sent even one of them home. He had them cleaning the warehouse and shoveling snow but after a couple of days there was nothing left to do. After a while I asked him why he was doing that, that he was wasting his money. His answer was "because every one of those men has a family, and they all need a paycheck come Friday. If they show up, I'll pay them to be here". And they all got paid.

That's the sort of man he was. Not surprisingly, when he died, over 800 people passed through the funeral home. So many of them had stories like that one. I felt really proud of him that day and I still do.

Chief Henry
08-21-2009, 11:00 AM
My dad passed away last December. I really miss him.

He taught me a lot about business, but not always about making money. He taught me about how to conduct yourself.

Dad owned a fairly large mobile home dealership in western Kentucky. One year we had a really bad snow and ice storm and couldn't do any deliveries for over a week. He had about a dozen guys who worked the deliveries and set-ups and of course there was no work for them to do, but those that could make it in still showed up in the mornings. He never sent even one of them home. He had them cleaning the warehouse and shoveling snow but after a couple of days there was nothing left to do. After a while I asked him why he was doing that, that he was wasting his money. His answer was "because every one of those men has a family, and they all need a paycheck come Friday. If they show up, I'll pay them to be here". And they all got paid.

That's the sort of man he was. Not surprisingly, when he died, over 800 people passed through the funeral home. So many of them had stories like that one. I felt really proud of him that day and I still do.

He sounds like one great guy, and father.

tmax63
08-21-2009, 11:05 AM
Right before I went off to college my dad told me not to let my schooling get in the way of my education. It took a year or to to really sink in what he meant. He also used to say be good, good at it, or name it after me... Another one was that there comes a point in a disagreement when you know there's gonna be a fight. The key is to figure it out about 10 seconds before the other guy does. He's been gone 28+ years now and I still think about him regularly.

Chief Henry
08-21-2009, 11:05 AM
Nice thread Mo. Props to you.

MOhillbilly
08-21-2009, 11:09 AM
My dad passed away last December. I really miss him.

He taught me a lot about business, but not always about making money. He taught me about how to conduct yourself.

Dad owned a fairly large mobile home dealership in western Kentucky. One year we had a really bad snow and ice storm and couldn't do any deliveries for over a week. He had about a dozen guys who worked the deliveries and set-ups and of course there was no work for them to do, but those that could make it in still showed up in the mornings. He never sent even one of them home. He had them cleaning the warehouse and shoveling snow but after a couple of days there was nothing left to do. After a while I asked him why he was doing that, that he was wasting his money. His answer was "because every one of those men has a family, and they all need a paycheck come Friday. If they show up, I'll pay them to be here". And they all got paid.

That's the sort of man he was. Not surprisingly, when he died, over 800 people passed through the funeral home. So many of them had stories like that one. I felt really proud of him that day and I still do.

Salt of the Earth.

MOhillbilly
08-21-2009, 11:15 AM
Nice thread Mo. Props to you.

14 years today i lost mine. One more and he will be gone longer than i knew him.


Dad was proud of what god gave him below the waist and liked to walk around nude. One day in the spring he was standing in the yard naked and i told him ' why dont you put some clothes on?'

"i pay the fuckin rent"

cant argue with that.

ChiTown
08-21-2009, 11:17 AM
My Dad on Common Sense:

If you know that's a turd on the ground, you don't have to step in it just to prove yourself right.

My Dad on Dating Women and Being Respectful:

There's a little saying the goes, it's ok to take your turn on the ride, it's not ok to ride yourself out of the turn

Heh, I miss my Pop's. R.I.P., Dad

Dayze
08-21-2009, 11:26 AM
I had a similar one but my dad said "You can guarantee if it's got tits or tires it's going to give you trouble"

yep; heard that one from him too.:D

Dayze
08-21-2009, 11:28 AM
the first time I changed the plugs and wires on my car; i had a hard time threading the plug/finding the hole etc.

he laughed and said
"I bet if I put a little hair around it; you'd find it"

Contrarian
08-21-2009, 11:34 AM
My dads gems were:

1. You send shit, you get shit.
2. To my mother - I can't look at your ass and read your mind.
3. Blood doesn't hurt.
4. Advice about girls - Look at their mothers first.
5. Hit the nail on the head you'll miss your fingers.
6. Don't make fun of people, it will happen to you.
7. When my dad was in the hospital after a heart attack laying in bed - I am concerned about you most son because your the youngest, the dumbest, and you don't know shit yet. But you're my favorite.

KC Dan
08-21-2009, 11:45 AM
My pops:

"If there's a will, there's a way" - My favorite (my kids are sick of it though)

"You can sleep when you're dead"

When we would do summer A/C or winter Heat work - "If they can't pay, do it anyway, you'll feel better and so will they"

"Wish in one hand, sh*t in the other, see which one fills up first"

I miss him terribly....

ziggysocki
08-21-2009, 11:55 AM
Right before I went off to college my dad told me not to let my schooling get in the way of my education. It took a year or to to really sink in what he meant. He also used to say be good, good at it, or name it after me... Another one was that there comes a point in a disagreement when you know there's gonna be a fight. The key is to figure it out about 10 seconds before the other guy does. He's been gone 28+ years now and I still think about him regularly.

I love that one! Rep on your pop's behalf.

LaChapelle
08-21-2009, 12:04 PM
I don't care to get banned today, thankyou.

Dartgod
08-21-2009, 12:06 PM
I got tons of advice from my dad, but the one that always sticks in my mind is, "what goes around comes around". It was usually his belt that was coming around whenever I forgot that advice.

JASONSAUTO
08-21-2009, 12:20 PM
I love that one! Rep on your pop's behalf.

MY dad's was "if they are talking it you should already be swingin"

Stewie
08-21-2009, 12:21 PM
My dad's dad was an immigrant in the early 1900s. He barely spoke English until the day he died, but was very successful.

Dad quote 1) "Language is never a barrier if you do the right thing." (Language being a metaphor for myriad situations in life.)

Dad quote 2) "Get a college degree, you'll be miles ahead."

Dad quote 3) "Here son, I'll show you how to get warm beer cold in a hurry."

I took all his advice. Yeah, he was cool.

Fish
08-21-2009, 12:34 PM
Being a man takes more than having a dick.

Boon
08-21-2009, 12:36 PM
Dad: "He's about as worthless as teats on a boar hog"
Me: "Yep"

Chief Henry
08-21-2009, 12:43 PM
Dad never really came out and said "don't be a pussy" but he was definitely a "walk it off" kind of guy. We'd be watching him fix farm machinery, he'd smash the shit out of his thumb, throw a hammer, cuss a little...then pick it up and go back to it.

He had a saying when we hurt ourselves.....

Example. The summer after 8th grade, I was doing something stupid and got my legs run over by a van. I was hopping around in the road, cussing....

he walked over, said "stop cussing. It'll feel better when it quits hurting".

He said "It'll feel better when it quits hurting alot".....bike wrecks, falling down when we were kids, sports wounds and girls-heartbreaks when we were older.

If you got hurt and dad didn't say that....you knew you were effed up.



That sounds like something Yogi Berra would come up with.

Chief Henry
08-21-2009, 12:44 PM
14 years today i lost mine. One more and he will be gone longer than i knew him.


Dad was proud of what god gave him below the waist and liked to walk around nude. One day in the spring he was standing in the yard naked and i told him ' why dont you put some clothes on?'

"i pay the ****in rent"

cant argue with that.

LOL, that explains alot !!!!!!!

WilliamTheIrish
08-21-2009, 01:06 PM
My Dad loved to quote a particular Winston Churchill piece:

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English."

Damn right!

vailpass
08-21-2009, 01:29 PM
Great idea for a thread MO. A few I got from Pop on a regular basis that I used to mock and am now damn glad I was taught:

*Pay your bills on time. Good credit is hard to build and easy to destroy.

*If you can't figure out who is coming out on the short end of a deal get out of the deal.

*Work for yourself and your boss will always be happy.

*It's always better to under-promise and over-deliver thant the other way around.

*Follow your heart.

*Be good to your mother.

Count Alex's Wins
08-21-2009, 01:36 PM
"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

Personally I think that's fucking terrible.

stevieray
08-21-2009, 01:37 PM
"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

Personally I think that's ****ing terrible.

CSN&Y

Boon
08-21-2009, 01:41 PM
"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

Personally I think that's ****ing terrible.

I kinda figgered you're old man might have said something like, "Get a job and get the fuck out of here!!"

vailpass
08-21-2009, 01:43 PM
I kinda figgered you're old man might have said something like, "Get a job and get the **** out of here!!"

Or "when we get home the first thing I'm gonna' do is slap your mama"

Slainte
08-21-2009, 01:43 PM
CSN&Y

Actually Stephen Stills solo...

ChiTown
08-21-2009, 01:48 PM
Actually Stephen Stills solo...

Yep

Hendrix and Clapton had cameos on that album. Pretty cool.

Chief Faithful
08-21-2009, 02:43 PM
Any excuse given that began with the word "if" he would respond "if dog rabbit", which was short for, "if the dog handn't stopped to take a sh*t he would have caught the rabbit."

Grandma used to say, "in jail or out blood is thicker than water." It took me years to figure out to whom that saying applied.

luv
08-21-2009, 03:52 PM
"Never cosign a loan for anyone."

Sometimes, ya just gotta learn the hard way.

Also,

"Never borrow against your retirement."

I think I'll listen to that one.

seclark
08-21-2009, 04:12 PM
dad was also known for constantly saying, "...read your history..."
i always wondered why he said that, cause dad couldn't read.
sec

stevieray
08-21-2009, 04:18 PM
Actually Stephen Stills solo...

...close enough..;) Nash and Crosby sang backup, and CSNY did a version also...



...but yeah it's Stephen Stills baby.