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View Full Version : Food and Drink Hate licking envelopes? Not any more!


Dartgod
11-20-2009, 01:55 PM
I present to you....


Bacon flavored envelope adhesive!


Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, thatís what.

Really, people? If we canít overcome this kind of minor technical challenge, itís only a matter of time until some super-advanced race of aliens with lasers, spaceships and a delicious federal mail system comes down and colonizes the world. And nobody wants that (except for the aliens, of course).

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, weíre happy to report that J&Dís Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopesô are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.

Thatís right, bacon. Itís not real bacon, mind you, so you wonít have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isnít it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.


http://www.jdfoods.net/products/mmmvelopes.php

Iowanian
11-20-2009, 01:57 PM
A small piece of sponge and a small glass of water works pretty damn well too if you're doing bulk.


After stuffing a couple of thousand bacon flavored envelops, even a foodaholic wouldn't be able to eat an baconator again.

CoMoChief
11-20-2009, 02:00 PM
Got a Pit Bull problem in your neighborhood?

Soak up some bacon grease in a sponge and throw it over the fence where the Pit Bull lives.

No more Pit Bulls.

Demonpenz
11-20-2009, 02:04 PM
i had to google why you would want to send mail. I haven't sent mail for a decade

Tylerthigpen!1!
11-20-2009, 02:05 PM
never understood people's obsession with bacon

seclark
11-20-2009, 02:06 PM
$6.99 for a pack of 25?
i'll just stick my Christmas cards in between a couple crisp slices of real bacon, thanks.
sec

Dartgod
11-20-2009, 02:07 PM
i had to google why you would want to send mail. I haven't sent mail for a decade
Because now it tastes like BACON!

Hydrae
11-20-2009, 02:08 PM
It is about time. I have wondered for years why we don't have better flavored envelopes. Of course nowadays we need scratch and sniff e-mail I suppose.

Simply Red
11-20-2009, 02:29 PM
ROFL

Iowanian
11-20-2009, 02:32 PM
This product is offensive to Muslims.


I'm glad I don't work there....

Rain Man
11-20-2009, 02:37 PM
You'd think the mailman's union would strongly oppose this. So now the mailman has to walk past dogs while smelling like bacon?

DMAC
11-20-2009, 02:38 PM
After the Bacon Explosion, nothing "bacon related" really shocks me anymore.

Hydrae
11-20-2009, 02:56 PM
You'd think the mailman's union would strongly oppose this. So now the mailman has to walk past dogs while smelling like bacon?

Excellent point.

Leave it to Rainman to see things slightly differently than the rest of us.

Dartgod
11-20-2009, 02:57 PM
You'd think the mailman's union would strongly oppose this. So now the mailman has to walk past dogs while smelling like bacon?
Oooooo! Good point! I could see a sudden increase of dog attacking mailman incidents if this idea takes off.

Rain Man
11-20-2009, 02:59 PM
Given the dog-mailman connection, is this actually part of a nefarious terrorist plot to stop the mail and keep us from getting our CapitolOne ads and Crate & Barrel catalogs, thus grinding the economy to a halt? The fact that they're using bacon is likely a clue that they're trying to destroy us via the very things that they find unholy about our culture.

Donger
11-20-2009, 03:13 PM
I can think of a few other flavors that would I wouldn't licking, but I'm too much of a gentleman to mention them.

rad
11-20-2009, 03:27 PM
never understood people's obsession with bacon

You are obviously not heterosexual.....bacon is used as currency in some cultures.

Hydrae
11-20-2009, 03:33 PM
Given the dog-mailman connection, is this actually part of a nefarious terrorist plot to stop the mail and keep us from getting our CapitolOne ads and Crate & Barrel catalogs, thus grinding the economy to a halt? The fact that they're using bacon is likely a clue that they're trying to destroy us via the very things that they find unholy about our culture.

And their stuff remains safe from the marauding dogs becuase they won't use the bacon flavored ones. Brilliant! :toast:

Bwana
11-20-2009, 04:07 PM
I can think of a few other flavors that would I wouldn't licking, but I'm too much of a gentleman to mention them.


https://www.specprom.com/images/product/Golf-Tee-red.jpg

Hog Farmer
11-20-2009, 05:27 PM
Sorry guys, but I supply the stuff this company is tainting the envelopes with. It all started as a joke on one of their buddies, but it quickly caught on and turned into a booming business so they kept the source quiet.

Crush
11-20-2009, 05:37 PM
Just wait for the one idiot to die from poisoning due to "excessive licking." Then the family will sue for "emotional damage" and get millions out of the deal. It is friggin glue, it is supposed to taste bad. If you want to taste bacon, then fry some bacon and make yourself a bacon sandwich. Bacon and glue do not mix for a reason.

Rain Man
11-20-2009, 05:39 PM
I can think of a few other flavors that would I wouldn't licking, but I'm too much of a gentleman to mention them.


"Frozen telephone pole" would be a great flavor.

Crush
11-20-2009, 05:41 PM
A bowl of salt would be another flavor for them to consider.

Skip Towne
11-20-2009, 05:52 PM
Our postmaster used to tell customers "I can sell you the stamps bt I can't lick them for you. I don't have a licker license"

bevischief
11-20-2009, 06:38 PM
Duct tape

Pioli Zombie
11-20-2009, 08:54 PM
They should make it taste like pussy. Guys wouldn't leave the house.
Posted via Mobile Device

LaChapelle
11-20-2009, 08:58 PM
self adhesive FTW

Slainte
11-21-2009, 01:46 AM
...

Pioli Zombie
11-21-2009, 07:30 AM
Just be grateful they don't smell like Manginos ass after eating at the China Star
Posted via Mobile Device

JD10367
11-21-2009, 07:45 AM
They should make it taste like pussy. Guys wouldn't leave the house.
Posted via Mobile Device

Bad idea. Then you'd have to listen to your wife telling you that you're licking the envelope wrong. "Not so fast! Slow down! Too rough! Oh, forget it, just give it to me and I'll have my girlfriend do it, she knows how!" :)

Pioli Zombie
11-21-2009, 08:36 AM
Bad idea. Then you'd have to listen to your wife telling you that you're licking the envelope wrong. "Not so fast! Slow down! Too rough! Oh, forget it, just give it to me and I'll have my girlfriend do it, she knows how!" :)
Awesome!!!! Haha
Posted via Mobile Device

gblowfish
11-21-2009, 09:26 AM
Bacon RULES!!!