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FAX
05-12-2010, 11:04 PM
I learned earlier this evening that one of my best friends (we've known each other since high school) committed suicide Monday. I can't help but kick myself for not reaching out to him more. He was extremely close to my mother who passed at Christmastime. On top of that, his "wife" has been spending time away from the home for weeks on end ... a divorce was eminent. He lives (lived) in a small town and has probably felt extremely isolated. I should have done more.

I want to encourage each and every one of you to reach out to those around you ... especially those who are going through difficult times. Life is both short and sometimes hard ... and it's harder on some than others. Sometimes, like my friend, people have a facade you can't see through. A word of encouragement, a sincere hand of friendship, an expression of love ... these cost nothing but can have great value to those you care for.

FAX

pr_capone
05-12-2010, 11:07 PM
Sorry for your loss Fax.

FAX
05-12-2010, 11:10 PM
Sorry for your loss Fax.

Thanks, but I'm pissed off more than anything, Mr. pr_capone. Pissed at his asswipe of a "wife" who has treated him like dirt for years. Pissed that I didn't do more. Pissed that I didn't do a better job of recognizing the signs and reach out. Pissed that the world can hold so much pain and despair and loneliness.

FAX

Jenson71
05-12-2010, 11:10 PM
My sympathies and empathies, FAX.

My dad's family is still going through the fall-out of a suicide that occurred this past Thanksgiving week (my uncle). Not much rips a family up more, in my short-list of experiences. The unanswered questions, and all.

I actually talked to him over the phone about 4 days before he hanged himself. When I talked to him on the phone, I usually would mention something about playing chess next time we met, or something sports-related. But I was feeling sick and didn't talk at all that time, and my voice was probably sounding like death, itself. That was it. :(

ClevelandBronco
05-12-2010, 11:12 PM
I learned earlier this evening that one of my best friends (we've known each other since high school) committed suicide Monday. I can't help but kick myself for not reaching out to him more. He was extremely close to my mother who passed at Christmastime. On top of that, his "wife" has been spending time away from the home for weeks on end ... a divorce was eminent. He lives (lived) in a small town and has probably felt extremely isolated. I should have done more.

I want to encourage each and every one of you to reach out to those around you ... especially those who are going through difficult times. Life is both short and sometimes hard ... and it's harder on some than others. Sometimes, like my friend, people have a facade you can't see through. A word of encouragement, a sincere hand of friendship, an expression of love ... these cost nothing but can have great value to those you care for.

FAX

Don't beat yourself up. I think when something like this happens men wonder if we should have done more or drawn closer. Thing is, that's just not the way most of us are made.

You've always seemed to be one of the good guys, Mr. FAX. I'm sorry.

teedubya
05-12-2010, 11:13 PM
Sucks FAX, but this was the road he chose to go down. Nothing you could really have done. We all have our shit that we deal with, and we can blame ourselves, but really no need.

What would Joseph Campbell say in a time like this?

Bwana
05-12-2010, 11:14 PM
Sorry to hear that dude.

ClevelandBronco
05-12-2010, 11:15 PM
Thanks, but I'm pissed off more than anything, Mr. pr_capone. Pissed at his asswipe of a "wife" who has treated him like dirt for years. Pissed that I didn't do more. Pissed that I didn't do a better job of recognizing the signs and reach out. Pissed that the world can hold so much pain and despair and loneliness.

FAX

You didn't say that you're pissed at him.

FAX
05-12-2010, 11:22 PM
You didn't say that you're pissed at him.

Normally, I would be, Mr. ClevelandBronco. I've always viewed suicide as a very selfish act. For some reason, in this case, I'm not angry with him. Disappointed, but not angry.

Probably because I know how lonely he must have been. For him to do this, things must have been very bad, indeed. Torturous.

FAX

ClevelandBronco
05-12-2010, 11:25 PM
Damn.

I don't know.

Learn. Love more.

Expect it to hurt like hell sometimes.

big nasty kcnut
05-12-2010, 11:27 PM
Fax your a great friend. Sometime we try to do everything but can't know that when you were around your friend he felt happy and that one day you and your friend will reunite and be happy.

Mr Luzcious
05-12-2010, 11:37 PM
Thats..terrible. I'm very sorry to hear it FAX. :(

Bugeater
05-12-2010, 11:48 PM
I went through something similar about 17 yrs ago. One of my friends that I grew up with couldn't get his shit together and was in trouble a lot, so I started blowing him off and avoiding him as much as possible. He had gotten married young and it wasn't working out, but the difference in this case was he went to the convenience store his wife worked at and dragged her into the parking lot and shot her before he killed himself. I've often wondered if instead of blowing him off I should've tried to be a positive influence to him. Or maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. Who knows.

Nevertheless, I'm sorry for your loss.

BossChief
05-13-2010, 12:20 AM
Don't beat yourself up. I think when something like this happens men wonder if we should have done more or drawn closer. Thing is, that's just not the way most of us are made.

You've always seemed to be one of the good guys, Mr. FAX. I'm sorry.

This is part of what I said in the rep message I left. Pretty damn close.

...

Much love man. I'm sure you usually take things on your shoulders commonly and it is obviously part of your makeup but sometimes things just happen no matter how much we don't want them to or feel we could have changed them. How you are turning this into something to learn from for not just you, but taking the opportunity to spread that goodwill to everyone else is a special quality that isn't found as much as I hope it would in this world.

This would be a much better world if we were all a little more like that.

philfree
05-13-2010, 12:29 AM
God bless those that cross the river styx
God bless those double who are left behind
-PhilFree:arrow:

KC native
05-13-2010, 01:34 AM
Normally, I would be, Mr. ClevelandBronco. I've always viewed suicide as a very selfish act. For some reason, in this case, I'm not angry with him. Disappointed, but not angry.

Probably because I know how lonely he must have been. For him to do this, things must have been very bad, indeed. Torturous.

FAX

Very wise. I get annoyed with the selfish act line because the pain that the person was feeling was serious enough to outweigh any selfishness.

Sorry for your loss. I'm still dealing with the fallout from my friend that recently committed suicide.

Fritz88
05-13-2010, 03:27 AM
Sorry for your loss Fax. Don't kick yourself too much over it. There was nothing that you could have done.

Ebolapox
05-13-2010, 07:16 AM
damn, man. sorry to hear about that.

kc rush
05-13-2010, 07:24 AM
Sorry to hear this FAX. Hang in there.

Buehler445
05-13-2010, 07:24 AM
Sorry to hear, Mr FAX.

Don't beat yourself up too much. I've tried to step in and help people and have found that typically people are going to do what they are going to do despite what you do. The only time I've had success in helping folks is when they genuinely want to change.

Its pretty natural to feel guilty, but don't let it get you down.

Keep your head up.
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DeezNutz
05-13-2010, 07:31 AM
Good thoughts and best wishes your way, FAX.

Iowanian
05-13-2010, 07:33 AM
Sorry Fax.

This isn't your fault. He quit, not you.

BigRedChief
05-13-2010, 07:36 AM
Sorry for your loss.

Life is indeed too frigging short.

OnTheWarpath58
05-13-2010, 07:36 AM
That's awful, MR. FAX.

I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

Otter
05-13-2010, 07:41 AM
Thanks, but I'm pissed off more than anything, Mr. pr_capone. Pissed at his asswipe of a "wife" who has treated him like dirt for years. Pissed that I didn't do more. Pissed that I didn't do a better job of recognizing the signs and reach out. Pissed that the world can hold so much pain and despair and loneliness.

FAX

Hang in there Fax bud. You can only do so much. Be the kind of person you wish you were, surround yourself by good people and keep the people who bring you down far, far away.

There's lots of bad out there but lots of good too. Chin up mister!

InChiefsHell
05-13-2010, 07:50 AM
I've never dealt with that specifically Mr. Fax, but I have tried to "be there" for people who are taking wrong turns in their lives and obviously wrecking them. At some point, we all want to know that we did all that we could. You don't feel that you did that, hence your anguish. The kicker is, there is a very good chance that nothing you could have done would have been enough, but I understand the anguish you feel. If you are a praying man, pray on that. You're a good man and a caring person, and you must know that there is only so much you can really take responsibility for in the case of your friend's suicide.

I won't say not to beat yourself up, because that's the natural thing for people who give a shit to do. Just don't dwell on it for too long. Mourn him, but not for too long, and then move on a wiser man.

Brianfo
05-13-2010, 08:31 AM
My thoughts are with you and his family. Noone can know the pain that he was going thru to end his life. Hopefully, he is in a better place now.

loochy
05-13-2010, 08:35 AM
That sucks man. Don't blame yourself at all. If he was to the point of suicide his problems ran so deeply that probably nothing could have helped him. Just feel better in knowing that he is out of his pain now.

gblowfish
05-13-2010, 08:45 AM
When I was in college, one of my best friends hung himself in his parent's attic. It made me very angry, until I learned he had been diagnosed as schizophrenic about two weeks prior. Your friend may have been suffering from clinical depression or other mental incapacitation. You just can't know for sure. And you can't blame yourself. The worst thing about suicide is what it does to those left behind. It's a very selfish act. Unfortunately, those who commit the act don't realize how the effects go beyond themselves. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I know how you feel.

MOhillbilly
05-13-2010, 08:50 AM
Keep your head up Fax.

spanky 52
05-13-2010, 09:32 AM
I'm sorry Mr Fax. We'll never meet but I like you as a person. You're one of my favorite posters here. I understand your anger. Your friend did a very selfish and cowardly thing. I suffer from depression and can't take any of the medications due to side effects. I've thought about suicide but could never hurt the people that love me and those that I love.

As for your guilt, that's natural. Another poster said we all need to listen more. And help, care and love more. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Hang in there.

HemiEd
05-13-2010, 11:05 AM
Mr. Fax, I feel bad for your loss, truly. But, I would like to offer you something I have learned from a couple of these types experiences.

Please do not beat yourself up, you just can't be held responsible for someone doing this. You are your own keeper, and did what you felt was most important with your time, at the time.

I have had two friends do this over the years, and it just eats you up.

They both had the same attitude in common the last time I saw them alive.
"It just doesn't matter."
If any one ever says that to me again, I am going to hog tie their ass, and get them some help. The "It just doesn't matter" attitude is just so foreign to me, I didn't pursue it. But I guarantee you I will next time.

Hang in there Mr. Fax, I am sure everyone that knows you personally, is better for it, and you can only do so much. We are only human.

Demonpenz
05-13-2010, 11:12 AM
I would make sure you have your shit together before you go out reaching out to others. If you do than go for it. I had a drinking problem, bad friends, shitty attitude, I had to fix that before I could start reaching out.

Pants
05-13-2010, 01:07 PM
So sorry to hear that, Mr. Fax. Like others have said, you should never blame yourself in these instances. We are all masters of our domain and our choices are ours alone when all is said and done.