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Sweet Daddy Hate
06-30-2010, 08:30 PM
Okay, so I've filled-out about 1000 of these annoying fucking things, and I REALLY hate these "motivational poster"-type questions. I'm trying to earn some bread, not tell you my fucking life story.

I submit for your entertainment, my latest submission to J & A Consulting and Staffing Services! Enjoy!

1. What events, activities or achievements have contributed to your own self-development?

Having to live both high and low, and doing both with equal grace.

2. Describe a situation in which you had significant responsibility and what you learned from it.

My last job. It made me the administrative superhuman I am today.

3. Describe your strengths and weaknesses in two areas: setting and achieving goals, and working with other people.

For the love of God; is this truly necessary? Would you like a DNA sample as well?

4. Describe your educational, personal or career goals.

I'm smarter than you. Believe it.

5. Past Experience - Describe an event that has had a great impact on you and why?

When my favorite dog died. It reminded me yet again of what a frail mortal-coil this life is.

6. What would you consider an ideal work environment?

A place where everyone pulls their weight and kicks ass at their jobs, just like a well-oiled machine.

7. How well do you work with people? Do you prefer working alone or in teams?

People love me. You love me already, don't you? Just don't steal my tacos out of the fridge in the break room, and everything will be lovely.
I can work individually or as a team member with equal effectiveness, but remember:
There's NO crying in Football or on MY team. Got it? Good.

8. What motivates you to go the extra mile on a project or job?

Depends on the cost of fuel.

9. What are your expectations regarding promotions and salary increases?

It's not uncommon for my employers to want to raise my salary on a monthly basis. Why? I am that good.

10. What does it mean to be successful? According to your definition, how successful have you been so far?

Success is not living in a cardboard box or in a van down by the river, eating pigeon that you roasted over your camp fire.
Me personally, I've been up and down. But never have I not been able to take care of myself in this life.
So...when do I start?

RedNFeisty
06-30-2010, 08:37 PM
ROFLROFL

A class I took last semester taught how to handle these kinds of questions. It was Public Speaking, believe it or not. I keep a copy so that I can just fill in the blanks with pre-written material.

Baconeater
06-30-2010, 08:40 PM
Would've been better if you could've worked in some AIDS tree, antifreeze, stabbing in the face, true fan and Sanchez references.

MahiMike
06-30-2010, 08:40 PM
Nice!

doomy3
06-30-2010, 08:43 PM
Would've been better if you were actually funny.

FYP

Sweet Daddy Hate
06-30-2010, 08:53 PM
Would've been better if you could've worked in some AIDS tree, antifreeze, stabbing in the face, true fan and Sanchez references.

Eh, I didn't want them to think I was psychotic, just annoyed.

DeezNutz
06-30-2010, 08:54 PM
50-50 on whether it will provide a laugh or get immediately filed when someone reads "superhuman."

Depends how much shit the person has to do.

Sweet Daddy Hate
06-30-2010, 08:55 PM
FYP

I'm sorry I don't meet your high standards for comedy, Chad.

Lonewolf Ed
06-30-2010, 08:55 PM
Eh, I didn't want them to think I was psychotic, just annoyed.

It's best that they discover you are psychotic after you are hired! :D

doomy3
06-30-2010, 08:56 PM
I'm sorry I don't meet your high standards for comedy, Chad.

It's OK, Douche.

morphius
06-30-2010, 08:57 PM
I hate interviews with these BS questions, my least favorite is where I have to make up tough situations to show how I deal with tough situations. I don't think they want to hear, "I looked for another job", as the answer.

Fairplay
06-30-2010, 08:57 PM
AT&T questionaire had 115 questions.

Many of them similar just worded differently. I wasn't impressed how they go about it. Goodluck in the job world I've been beating the bushs for a while and finally hit something solid thank God.

Sweet Daddy Hate
06-30-2010, 08:58 PM
50-50 on whether it will provide a laugh or get immediately filed when someone reads "superhuman."

Depends how much shit the person has to do.

Oh I expect nothing from the endeavor, I just wanted to blow off some steam after months of putting up with this grind.

CosmicPal
06-30-2010, 09:15 PM
The worst thing about it is every company I apply for wants me to fill out an online application, upload my resume doc, and then spend 3 hours answering a hundred phucking questions that few even pertain to the specific job I'm applying for. And after all that, a few moments later, I receive the dreaded standard email: Thank you for applying to Go Phuck Yourself Company, unfortunately we have decided to move on with the other douchebags who took their invaluable time out to think they even had a chance to get a job with us. Please accept our frequent spam mail arriving to your Inbox daily. P.S. Thank you for giving us your social security number, driver's license number, and the rest of your soul, so we can really phuck you up in the ass.

Baconeater
06-30-2010, 09:20 PM
The worst thing about it is every company I apply for wants me to fill out an online application, upload my resume doc, and then spend 3 hours answering a hundred phucking questions that few even pertain to the specific job I'm applying for. And after all that, a few moments later, I receive the dreaded standard email: Thank you for applying to Go Phuck Yourself Company, unfortunately we have decided to move on with the other douchebags who took their invaluable time out to think they even had a chance to get a job with us. Please accept our frequent spam mail arriving to your Inbox daily. P.S. Thank you for giving us your social security number, driver's license number, and the rest of your soul, so we can really phuck you up in the ass.
Which brings up a gripe of mine...why is it necessary to provide a SSN just to apply for a job? I hate putting that information out there like that. They shouldn't need it until they hire you.

CosmicPal
06-30-2010, 09:25 PM
Which brings up a gripe of mine...why is it necessary to provide a SSN just to apply for a job? I hate putting that information out there like that. They shouldn't need it until they hire you.

Two words: Credit check.

Another beef of mine.

Fairplay
06-30-2010, 09:28 PM
Good point about the ss numbers. I must have it in 500 different places by now.

Anyone think of getting Lifelock? I have been pondering to do it.

RippedmyFlesh
06-30-2010, 09:32 PM
Which brings up a gripe of mine...why is it necessary to provide a SSN just to apply for a job? I hate putting that information out there like that. They shouldn't need it until they hire you.
I agree I think it helps them do credit checks and such which is stupid. Let's see I have been out of work and got behind in my bills so because I have late payments don't hire me. Just insane.

RedNFeisty
06-30-2010, 09:33 PM
Which brings up a gripe of mine...why is it necessary to provide a SSN just to apply for a job? I hate putting that information out there like that. They shouldn't need it until they hire you.

I refuse to put my SSN on an application. I will give it to them after being hired and fill out my I-9, thank you very much.

Saulbadguy
06-30-2010, 09:34 PM
Apply for some government jobs. They don't ask those ridiculous questions.

Fairplay
06-30-2010, 09:35 PM
From what I understand, I don't think I'm wrong though.

Is if there are a lot of credit report checks on you your credit rating can actually go down because of it.

RedNFeisty
06-30-2010, 09:41 PM
From what I understand, I don't think I'm wrong though.

Is if there are a lot of credit report checks on you your credit rating can actually go down because of it.

Only if you are applying for credit.

CosmicPal
06-30-2010, 09:44 PM
I refuse to put my SSN on an application. I will give it to them after being hired and fill out my I-9, thank you very much.

You can't refuse with an online application- it is required. When it is not required, then I refuse to provide it.

I tried typing in 000-00-0000 as a social security number with an online application and it wouldn't allow me to proceed. I thought about typing in a fake number, but figured they would soon discover it and I'd be out of the hiring process.

You're screwed if you do, you're screwed if you don't.

Fairplay
06-30-2010, 09:45 PM
Only if you are applying for credit.



I am virtually 100 percent debt free I can't believe it.

RedNFeisty
06-30-2010, 09:49 PM
You can't refuse with an online application- it is required. When it is not required, then I refuse to provide it.

I tried typing in 000-00-0000 as a social security number with an online application and it wouldn't allow me to proceed. I thought about typing in a fake number, but figured they would soon discover it and I'd be out of the hiring process.

You're screwed if you do, you're screwed if you don't.
I haven't applied for a job in nearly 6 yrs, I can't believe what you guys are saying about the bullshit employers are having you do. But, I think I would refuse to give my SSN. Nurses have been caught stealing people's ID's, I couldn't imagine what a rogue employee might do.


I am virtually 100 percent debt free I can't believe it.

I'm debit free minus medical bills, and they are adding up very quickly even with insurance.

Sweet Daddy Hate
06-30-2010, 09:49 PM
The worst thing about it is every company I apply for wants me to fill out an online application, upload my resume doc, and then spend 3 hours answering a hundred phucking questions that few even pertain to the specific job I'm applying for. And after all that, a few moments later, I receive the dreaded standard email: Thank you for applying to Go Phuck Yourself Company, unfortunately we have decided to move on with the other douchebags who took their invaluable time out to think they even had a chance to get a job with us. Please accept our frequent spam mail arriving to your Inbox daily. P.S. Thank you for giving us your social security number, driver's license number, and the rest of your soul, so we can really phuck you up in the ass.

ROFL :clap:

Baconeater
06-30-2010, 10:00 PM
I refuse to put my SSN on an application. I will give it to them after being hired and fill out my I-9, thank you very much.
I've thought about doing that, but I don't want to be marked as a rebel right off the bat. I'd rather have them discover that after they hire me.

Bob Dole
06-30-2010, 11:45 PM
Which brings up a gripe of mine...why is it necessary to provide a SSN just to apply for a job? I hate putting that information out there like that. They shouldn't need it until they hire you.

The already mentioned credit check, as well as a background check.

(Although Bob Dole's employer waits until we select a candidate before we ask for the SSN.)

LetsSignRussell
06-30-2010, 11:49 PM
The already mentioned credit check, as well as a background check.

(Although Bob Dole's employer waits until we select a candidate before we ask for the SSN.)

HEY BOB!!!!! Is your PM'ing service down or what???? christ almighty

Baconeater
06-30-2010, 11:51 PM
HEY BOB!!!!! Is your PM'ing service down or what???? christ almighty
ROFL

LetsSignRussell
06-30-2010, 11:54 PM
Bugs havin fun

kysirsoze
07-01-2010, 12:02 AM
Apply for some government jobs. They don't ask those ridiculous questions.

That's because they already know the answers.


:tinfoil: