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Stewie
07-06-2010, 01:23 PM
Looking in the pics forum I got to wondering. What is it? This is not a poll, but stories. What made it great?! Was it a great body?... a great personality?... a freak?... a friend?... a hooker?... the love of your life?... a one-nighter?... unencumbered?... I was drunk and she was Orca, but slippery?...

Let's here 'em.

Sorry if this is a repost, but things change day to day so f you.

alanm
07-06-2010, 01:24 PM
Any

Discuss Thrower
07-06-2010, 01:26 PM
My last time was too long ago to remember. Thank god for streaming intercable pr0n.

loochy
07-06-2010, 01:26 PM
The best is when you both want it for days, but you can't...

For example, we went to visit my girlfriend's grandparents along with the rest of her family. The house was crowded and we couldn't get away from it for a week...

We promised each other no self gratification for the week to make it extra good...and it was. ;)

Jilly
07-06-2010, 01:26 PM
Bowser's mom

loochy
07-06-2010, 01:26 PM
My last time was too long ago to remember. Thank god for streaming interracial pr0n.

FYP.

Rooster
07-06-2010, 01:27 PM
redrum's mom.

Jilly
07-06-2010, 01:28 PM
redrum's mom.

I was faster.

Short Leash Hootie
07-06-2010, 01:31 PM
I was faster.

and more annoying...but that's a given

Stewie
07-06-2010, 01:33 PM
When I say stories I don't mean yanking it to a computer screen.

vailpass
07-06-2010, 01:34 PM
When I say stories I don't mean yanking it to a computer screen.

Thread killed.

Short Leash Hootie
07-06-2010, 01:36 PM
these threads are so creepy, but I'll participate:

ok this one time...it wasn't even me having sex...these two pretty hot blonde chicks...whoa...

they were going at it pretty hardcore...I was filming...

and then one of them decides she has to take a nasty ass shit...

like...disgusting...

so they bust out a plastic cup...and she just...shits in this cup...it was insane! I was like...holy shit...that JUST happened!

But it wasn't over!!!

The two sluts start licking her shit...like literally eating the shit...and then they start passing it back and forth by french kissing...it was insane!!!

I jerked off vigorously in the corner to the two girls with their one cup of shit!

It was awesome!

Stewie
07-06-2010, 01:38 PM
these threads are so creepy, but I'll participate:

ok this one time...it wasn't even me having sex...these two pretty hot blonde chicks...whoa...

they were going at it pretty hardcore...I was filming...

and then one of them decides she has to take a nasty ass shit...

like...disgusting...

so they bust out a plastic cup...and she just...shits in this cup...it was insane! I was like...holy shit...that JUST happened!

But it wasn't over!!!

The two sluts start licking her shit...like literally eating the shit...and then they start passing it back and forth by french kissing...it was insane!!!

I jerked off vigorously in the corner to the two girls with their one cup of shit!

It was awesome!

Ha! From stinky fingered creep!

Pestilence
07-06-2010, 01:39 PM
these threads are so creepy, but I'll participate:

ok this one time...it wasn't even me having sex...these two pretty hot blonde chicks...whoa...

they were going at it pretty hardcore...I was filming...

and then one of them decides she has to take a nasty ass shit...

like...disgusting...

so they bust out a plastic cup...and she just...shits in this cup...it was insane! I was like...holy shit...that JUST happened!

But it wasn't over!!!

The two sluts start licking her shit...like literally eating the shit...and then they start passing it back and forth by french kissing...it was insane!!!

I jerked off vigorously in the corner to the two girls with their one cup of shit!

It was awesome!

http://www.stuffwelike.com/stuffwelike/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/this-is-not-funny-clown-778076.jpg

Jilly
07-06-2010, 01:40 PM
and more annoying...but that's a given

your mom's annoying

Stewie
07-06-2010, 01:41 PM
Do I have to start? C'mon people!

Donger
07-06-2010, 01:44 PM
The best sex I've ever had was when trying to get the wife pregnant. She was... determined.

Of course, my girlfriend through high school and college was amazing, too.

Jewish Rabbi
07-06-2010, 01:47 PM
A motorcycle, an AIDS tree, a glass of antifreeze, and two girls at the same time. I think you can fill in the blanks.

NewChief
07-06-2010, 01:47 PM
The best is when you both want it for days, but you can't...

For example, we went to visit my girlfriend's grandparents along with the rest of her family. The house was crowded and we couldn't get away from it for a week...

We promised each other no self gratification for the week to make it extra good...and it was. ;)


This. Even better if the wife is wearing a swimsuit around during that time. Something about my wife in a swimsuit... just gets me in the mood.

Last night was pretty good for that reason. We spent the holiday at her mom's in a house of about 20 people. Lots of swimsuit/pool time without any chance to get it on until we got home last night. Good stuff.

Pushead2
07-06-2010, 01:52 PM
outside of a venue in Boston opening for KSE, it was in the tour van. It was outrageous for 2+ hrs....oh & it was in the afternoon...

keg in kc
07-06-2010, 01:53 PM
My last time was too long ago to remember. Thank god for streaming intercable pr0n.That would be my answer.

luv
07-06-2010, 01:54 PM
It involved handcuffs and a blindfold.

Stewie
07-06-2010, 01:55 PM
It involved handcuffs and a blindfold.

Was he able to get out of either of them?

seclark
07-06-2010, 01:56 PM
This. Even better if the wife is wearing a swimsuit around during that time. Something about my wife in a swimsuit... just gets me in the mood.

Last night was pretty good for that reason. We spent the holiday at her mom's in a house of about 20 people. Lots of swimsuit/pool time without any chance to get it on until we got home last night. Good stuff.

wasn't there a bathroom with a window?

luv
07-06-2010, 01:56 PM
Was he able to get out of either of them?

I wasn't. It's amazing some of the senses you take for granted.

Stewie
07-06-2010, 01:59 PM
I wasn't. It's amazing some of the senses you take for granted.

"I" wasn't? :D We need details!

Detoxing
07-06-2010, 02:00 PM
It involved handcuffs and a blindfold.

Bleh. Never cared for either. My best sex ever is usually drug/alcohol induced.

I prefer the more physical, rough, dirty mouth brand.

luv
07-06-2010, 02:01 PM
"I" wasn't? :D We need details!

I think that was enough to get the main point across. :)

And actually, I don't think I'd label that as "best" more than "most fun". IMO, nothing beats morning sex.

Stewie
07-06-2010, 02:03 PM
I think that was enough to get the main point across. :)

And actually, I don't think I'd label that as "best" more than "most fun". IMO, nothing beats morning sex.

But fun = great sex. BTW, all guys love morning sex.

Zeke
07-06-2010, 02:04 PM
Returning home from one of my middle-east tours in the military, my (then) fiance rocked my world. 12 years later we're still searching for that once found 48 hour stint. (well maybe it's just me searching)

Detoxing
07-06-2010, 02:07 PM
This is a thread that could get a lot of guys in trouble, which is why you may not a lot of people posting honest stories in it.

luv
07-06-2010, 02:08 PM
It seems like the common thread is going without for a period of time. Maybe going without any sexual contact for a period of time makes you appreciate it that much more when you finally get it. The heightened sense of wanting makes the gratification so much "better", regardless of technique or duration.

Stewie
07-06-2010, 02:09 PM
This is a thread that could get a lot of guys in trouble, which is why you may not a lot of people posting honest stories in it.

Really? Does your SO post/read here? If that's true I understand.

Stewie
07-06-2010, 02:11 PM
It seems like the common thread is going without for a period of time. Maybe going without any sexual contact for a period of time makes you appreciate it that much more when you finally get it. The heightened sense of wanting makes the gratification so much "better", regardless of technique or duration.

Human touch. We all need it.

Donger
07-06-2010, 02:15 PM
My most heart-humping sex was probably getting a handjob from a gal in high school.

At her house.

In front of her father.

NewChief
07-06-2010, 02:17 PM
My most heart-humping sex was probably getting a handjob from a gal in high school.

At her house.

In front of her father.

Heh. I had one of those in the back seat of my gf's family car. While her parents were driving in the front seat.

Same trip we did it in the ground floor stairwell of our hotel.

It's true what they say about fat chicks (yes, I dated a fat chick in high school. She was a senior, I was in 10th grade. All that mattered to me was that I was getting some).

Stewie
07-06-2010, 02:17 PM
My most heart-humping sex was probably getting a handjob from a gal in high school.

At her house.

In front of her father.

That's fucked up.

Donger
07-06-2010, 02:23 PM
Heh. I had one of those in the back seat of my gf's family car. While her parents were driving in the front seat.

Same trip we did it in the ground floor stairwell of our hotel.

It's true what they say about fat chicks (yes, I dated a fat chick in high school. She was a senior, I was in 10th grade. All that mattered to me was that I was getting some).

This girl was stunning. She had a luscious body and face, but awful nipples.

Stewie
07-06-2010, 02:25 PM
OK, here's mine. She's hot, voluptuous, just hot as hell. We try to do stuff together any chance we get. I think she's awesome and that's all that matters to me. The sex is great, but it has become love-making. Yeah, I've moved on from humping pussy.

Donger
07-06-2010, 02:26 PM
That's ****ed up.

Yeah, she was pretty interesting. Her dad was a huge guy, too. Vietnam medic with the 82nd and at the time, a plastic surgeon. Could have killed me with a pinky.

I was sitting on a sofa with his daughter with a blanket over our laps because it was cold. He was on a loveseat next to us (sort of an L-shape arrangement). I was asking him questions about his service in Vietnam and all of a sudden, oh God, no.

Donger
07-06-2010, 02:27 PM
OK, here's mine. She's hot, voluptuous, just hot as hell. We try to do stuff together any chance we get. I think she's awesome and that's all that matters to me. The sex is great, but it has become love-making. Yeah, I've moved on from humping pussy.

And she's looking over your shoulder.

Stewie
07-06-2010, 02:29 PM
And she's looking over your shoulder.

She typed it!!!! :D

Mr. Flopnuts
07-06-2010, 02:31 PM
The best is when you both want it for days, but you can't...

For example, we went to visit my girlfriend's grandparents along with the rest of her family. The house was crowded and we couldn't get away from it for a week...

We promised each other no self gratification for the week to make it extra good...and it was. ;)

I couldn't go a week without at least rubbing one off.

Jilly
07-06-2010, 02:31 PM
It involved handcuffs and a blindfold.

LUV! you dirty girl!

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 02:34 PM
My most heart-humping sex was probably getting a handjob from a gal in high school.

At her house.

In front of her father.

Interesting.

I got a handy at dinner (table full of people), on New Years Eve, which was followed up by a BJ and eventual sex in the ladies room at Talk of the Town in Overland Park.

InChiefsHell
07-06-2010, 02:34 PM
I can't post the story. But it was with my wife. And was friggin' awesome!

Donger
07-06-2010, 02:35 PM
My most heart-humping sex was probably getting a handjob from a gal in high school.

At her house.

In front of her father.

Heart-humping?

LMAO

That should have been "heart-thumping."

Donger
07-06-2010, 02:36 PM
Interesting.

I got a handy at dinner (table full of people), on New Years Eve, which was followed up by a BJ and eventual sex in the ladies room at Talk of the Town in Overland Park.

That's quite an evening.

SDChiefs
07-06-2010, 02:38 PM
This girl was stunning. She had a luscious body and face, but awful nipples.

And her father was into watching her give handies?

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 02:45 PM
That's quite an evening.

I'm slightly embarrassed to say (even though it was +20 years ago) that the girl was 19, and I was 24. Is that wrong?

I was going to Northwestern for my MBA and working in Chicago. I came home for NYE, got set up with this girl (KU student), and............you know the rest.

Donger
07-06-2010, 02:46 PM
I'm slightly embarrassed to say (even though it was +20 years ago) that the girl was 19, and I was 24. Is that wrong?

I was going to Northwestern for my MBA and working in Chicago. I came home for NYE, got set up with this girl (KU student), and............you know the rest.

Nope. In my example, I was 16 and the girl was 19.

NewChief
07-06-2010, 02:48 PM
I'm slightly embarrassed to say (even though it was +20 years ago) that the girl was 19, and I was 24. Is that wrong?

I was going to Northwestern for my MBA and working in Chicago. I came home for NYE, got set up with this girl (KU student), and............you know the rest.

My wife is 5 years younger than me, and we started dating when she was 20.

Discuss Thrower
07-06-2010, 02:50 PM
I'm thinking the Donger needs to create a "game" thread, because somehow that Limey fothermucker has a lot of it.

Donger
07-06-2010, 02:52 PM
I'm thinking the Donger needs to create a "game" thread, because somehow that Limey fothermucker has a lot of it.

Meh, not really. I've only had vaginal intercourse with three women in my life and probably no more than 15 or so hand/blow job providers.

Jilly
07-06-2010, 02:57 PM
Sex is always best when it's just an out of the blue, take you by surprise moment.....which I'm sure is half of why Donger's handie was so memorable.

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:00 PM
Sex is always best when it's just an out of the blue, take you by surprise moment.....which I'm sure is half of why Donger's handie was so memorable.

I'll never forget thinking, "How on Earth am I going to orgasm while looking her father in the eyes and not have him notice?" He didn't, thankfully.

Jilly
07-06-2010, 03:02 PM
I'll never forget thinking, "How on Earth am I going to orgasm while looking her father in the eyes and not have him notice?" He didn't, thankfully.

Did you really look him in the eyes while it happened?

NewChief
07-06-2010, 03:03 PM
I'll never forget thinking, "How on Earth am I going to orgasm while looking her father in the eyes and not have him notice?" He didn't, thankfully.

He knew. Oh... he knew. And he's just biding his time and waiting until you least expect it......

Pestilence
07-06-2010, 03:03 PM
I'll never forget thinking, "How on Earth am I going to orgasm while looking her father in the eyes and not have him notice?" He didn't, thankfully.

How did he not notice the up and down motion that was coming from underneath the blanket?

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:04 PM
Did you really look him in the eyes while it happened?

Yep. We were having a pretty intense discussion (his military service).

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 03:04 PM
Did you really look him in the eyes while it happened?

Yeah, that almost sounds gay:D

NTTAWWT:evil:

NewChief
07-06-2010, 03:04 PM
How did he not notice the up and down motion that was coming from underneath the blanket?

Donger's name should be TinyDonger?

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:05 PM
How did he not notice the up and down motion that was coming from underneath the blanket?

I actually crossed my legs when she started and pulled some slack on the blanket. She also was just rubbing through my pants (not bareback).

Bane
07-06-2010, 03:06 PM
I don't know that I can pick 1 time but there was 1 person years ago that still blows my mind when I think of her.I was about 22 and she was 45 and had been recently divorced.I met her at a bike show and hit it off really well.I dated her for about 1 1/2 years and I must say she was the best lover that I have ever had.I don't know what it was exactly about her but I got hard just looking at her and she always blew my mind in the bed.
Posted via Mobile Device

CaliforniaChief
07-06-2010, 03:08 PM
Mine? A poster of Tebow on one side, McFistpump on the other, and giving myself the Mile High Salute.//Knowmo

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 03:09 PM
I don't know that I can pick 1 time but there was 1 person years ago that still blows my mind when I think of her.I was about 22 and she was 45 and had been recently divorced.I met her at a bike show and hit it off really well.I dated her for about 1 1/2 years and I must say she was the best lover that I have ever had.I don't know what it was exactly about her but I got hard just looking at her and she always blew my mind in the bed.
Posted via Mobile Device

Women in their 40's............

Best sex ever. They know what they want, where they want it, and how it needs to be be taken care of. They are old enough to have the wisdom, and still young and limber enough to know how to deliver it.

:)

Jilly
07-06-2010, 03:10 PM
Women in their 40's............

Best sex ever. They know what they want, where they want it, and how it needs to be be taken care of. They are old enough to have the wisdom, and still young and limber enough to know how to deliver it.

:)

Hello Mrs ChiTown! Welcome to CP!

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 03:12 PM
Hello Mrs ChiTown! Welcome to CP!

She's not allowed to post of this site:D

Bane
07-06-2010, 03:17 PM
Women in their 40's............

Best sex ever. They know what they want, where they want it, and how it needs to be be taken care of. They are old enough to have the wisdom, and still young and limber enough to know how to deliver it.

:)

I know that's right.Seriously though she was beautiful and took good care of herself and always smelled so damn good.Good times for sure!!!
Posted via Mobile Device

Pants
07-06-2010, 03:20 PM
I don't know... I don't have any specific awesome instances like getting a hand-job in front of the girl's father (I know I wouldn't be able to finish, anyway). But it's always the best for me after the break up. I'm not talking about make up sex, I'm talking about breaking up for good because it's that time but still having a few sessions after it. I think it's a mental thing for me... no idea why.

Rausch
07-06-2010, 03:26 PM
Looking in the pics forum I got to wondering. What is it? This is not a poll, but stories. What made it great?! Was it a great body?... a great personality?... a freak?... a friend?... a hooker?... the love of your life?

Well...

http://www.health-safety-signs.uk.com/productimages/Do-not-touch.gif

"But, man, that was a long ti-..."


DO NOT TOUCH!1!

http://holycrapthatsfunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/nein_nein_nein.jpg

YOU will not talk the males into running off the cliff! NEIN!1!

This is talked about when the boat is ****ing sinking, the bomb is on its way, the the enemy has taken the fort...

tooge
07-06-2010, 03:29 PM
But fun = great sex. BTW, all guys love morning sex.

speaking of morning sex, why do women not take more advantage of morning wood? It's like freakin oak

Jilly
07-06-2010, 03:29 PM
I may be an idiot and overly confident, but I'm assuming Sully isn't talking because he's just not one to kiss and tell....or he could just be overly engrossed in either wall paper stripping or Grand Theft Auto.

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:29 PM
I think the best revenge sex I ever had was getting caught by a mother while her daughter was blowing me. The mother hated me (wouldn't let me in the house), so the girl and I were just hanging out in her front yard, talking. The mom came out and said, "I'm going out for a bit. Don't let Donger in the house" and she drove off.

The daughter took me by the hand and took me into the house. We went into the front room (which was one of those "kids off limits" rooms) and we sat down on the sofa. Off go my pants and she's sucking like crazy. All of a sudden, the front door swings open, and it's mom. I'll never forget the look of horror on her her face.

Jilly
07-06-2010, 03:30 PM
speaking of morning sex, why do women not take more advantage of morning wood? It's like freakin oak

Personally, I don't because the child wakes up at the crack of dawn and someone has to get up with her.

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:30 PM
I may be an idiot and overly confident, but I'm assuming Sully isn't talking because he's just not one to kiss and tell....or he could just be overly engrossed in either wall paper stripping or Grand Theft Auto.

More likely that he's not an idiot.

Short Leash Hootie
07-06-2010, 03:31 PM
I believe about 10% of Donger's stories in this thread...

Lets be honest.

loochy
07-06-2010, 03:31 PM
Personally, I don't because the child wakes up at the crack of dawn and someone has to get up with her.

The kid can wait 15 seconds while you run in and take care of things...:D

tooge
07-06-2010, 03:32 PM
I may be an idiot and overly confident, but I'm assuming Sully isn't talking because he's just not one to kiss and tell....or he could just be overly engrossed in either wall paper stripping or Grand Theft Auto.

Hoping cuz its not with someone else?

Jilly
07-06-2010, 03:34 PM
More likely that he's not an idiot.

that, too. Although, except that threesome he had in college, I'm pretty confident in myself.

sedated
07-06-2010, 03:34 PM
The best experience before my current GF was several years ago at my older brother’s wedding in Chicago.

I was a horny kid trying to bang all the bridesmaids the entire time leading up to the wedding (coed-ish bachelor party, rehearsal dinner, etc), but no success. At the reception, the bride’s brother (married, and a reformed player) told me there was a hot friend of the bride who was also from KC. He told me exactly what to do – say this when you approach her, ask her to dance, then comment on her perfume (he told me the brand), and when you get done dancing there will be a bottle of champagne over on that table, have a seat and pour some drinks. His planning worked to perfection, we flirted until the reception was over, then caught a cab to a jazz club and drank martinis (the first of my young life). I suggested getting out of there, and she said her hotel was only a few minutes away. Once in the cab she revealed that she wasn’t wearing any underwear, and we gave the cab driver a pretty good show. We got to the hotel, got in the elevator, and started up again, until it stopped on some floor and a bunch of drunk guys got in. Finally got to her room, and had hours of sweaty sex. The wet spot on the sheets was the size of a man-hole cover, and she was louder than Lassie in Porky’s. I left, drunk and drained and missing several items of clothing, and got back to my parent’s hotel room with just enough time to get 45 minutes of sleep before I had to catch my 7am flight home.

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:35 PM
I believe about 10% of Donger's stories in this thread...

Lets be honest.

I don't see why. I doubt that my examples are that rare.

Short Leash Hootie
07-06-2010, 03:35 PM
Donger's next story:

"OMG this one time...I was with a girl...and her dad really hated me because I was smarter than he was...so yeah...I came over and he said if I answered the Final Jeopardy question right he'd let me fuck his daughter...right there in front of him...so I nailed the question, obviously...and then he held true and I just dogged his daughter right there! He cheered me on the whole time! It was so cool!!!"

vailpass
07-06-2010, 03:35 PM
I believe about 10% of Donger's stories in this thread...

Lets be honest.

Donger's credibility >>>>> your credibility to questions Donger's credibility.

tooge
07-06-2010, 03:36 PM
Donger's next story:

"OMG this one time...I was with a girl...and her dad really hated me because I was smarter than he was...so yeah...I came over and he said if I answered the Final Jeopardy question right he'd let me **** his daughter...right there in front of him...so I nailed the question, obviously...and then he held true and I just dogged his daughter right there! He cheered me on the whole time! It was so cool!!!"

Wow, what a coincidence. That ACTUALLY happened to me.

Short Leash Hootie
07-06-2010, 03:37 PM
ok I get it, I get it...

but does anyone really believe he got off to an HJ while talking to a chick's dad?

I can see her rubbing his dick...that's fine...being discreet...

but actually getting off?

If that's true, and he did get off...then he must be one of those minute men women LOVE so much...

Pants
07-06-2010, 03:39 PM
ok I get it, I get it...

but does anyone really believe he got off to an HJ while talking to a chick's dad?

I can see her rubbing his dick...that's fine...being discreet...

but actually getting off?

If that's true, and he did get off...then he must be one of those minute men women LOVE so much...

I've never got off to a hand job in my life. It just does not work for me. Blow jobs - she has to be REALLY good. I sure as fuck wouldn't even get hard if it was in front of a girl's father. Kind of funny.

Short Leash Hootie
07-06-2010, 03:42 PM
I've never got off to a hand job in my life. It just does not work for me. Blow jobs - she has to be REALLY good. I sure as **** wouldn't even get hard if it was in front of a girl's father. Kind of funny.

I'm the same exact way other than handjobs...I can get off to a good handjob way easier than a good blowjob...

I've gotten off to four girls giving blowjobs...and only the ones who fully incorporate the hand into the blowjob...

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 03:42 PM
I've never got off to a hand job in my life. It just does not work for me. Blow jobs - she has to be REALLY good. I sure as **** wouldn't even get hard if it was in front of a girl's father. Kind of funny.

I believe Donger was 16 at the time. I could be "hard" at hello when I was 16.

luv
07-06-2010, 03:43 PM
LUV! you dirty girl!

I'm a curious sort of person. I'll try nearly anything once.

Short Leash Hootie
07-06-2010, 03:44 PM
when I was 18 this 19 year old girl guaranteed me she could get me off with a BJ in under 2 mins...at that point...I had dated one girl for 3 years and she had never gotten me off giving me a BJ...

so I was like..."yeah fucking right"...

she won

luv
07-06-2010, 03:44 PM
speaking of morning sex, why do women not take more advantage of morning wood? It's like freakin oak

I have no idea.

Short Leash Hootie
07-06-2010, 03:44 PM
I believe Donger was 16 at the time. I could be "hard" at hello when I was 16.

sure...

I can be hard at hello now and I'm 25...

doesn't mean I can get off at hello

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:45 PM
ok I get it, I get it...

but does anyone really believe he got off to an HJ while talking to a chick's dad?

I can see her rubbing his dick...that's fine...being discreet...

but actually getting off?

If that's true, and he did get off...then he must be one of those minute men women LOVE so much...

What can I say? The pleasure (and excitement) overcame the fear.

Discuss Thrower
07-06-2010, 03:46 PM
I have no idea.

Morning breath?

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 03:47 PM
sure...

I can be hard at hello now and I'm 25...

doesn't mean I can get off at hello

It takes more than hello for me now. Of course, my stamina, even in my 40's, still kicks ass - and I don't need little blue pills.

:)

vailpass
07-06-2010, 03:49 PM
Best sex? You mean with someone else?

Pants
07-06-2010, 03:49 PM
I'm a curious sort of person. I'll try nearly anything once.

Have you done anal?

Jilly
07-06-2010, 03:50 PM
Have you done anal?

WOW...that's straightforward.

Amnorix
07-06-2010, 03:50 PM
I think the best revenge sex I ever had was getting caught by a mother while her daughter was blowing me. The mother hated me (wouldn't let me in the house), so the girl and I were just hanging out in her front yard, talking. The mom came out and said, "I'm going out for a bit. Don't let Donger in the house" and she drove off.

The daughter took me by the hand and took me into the house. We went into the front room (which was one of those "kids off limits" rooms) and we sat down on the sofa. Off go my pants and she's sucking like crazy. All of a sudden, the front door swings open, and it's mom. I'll never forget the look of horror on her her face.

And this is in addition to your wife's mother finding you getting head from her daughter. So twice you've been caught by a mother while her daughter was giving you a BJ? :eek:

I want to believe your stories, but...WTF?

luv
07-06-2010, 03:53 PM
Have you done anal?

Ya know, I've started working on not giving out too much info. I think answering that would be a big fat failure in my efforts.

Pants
07-06-2010, 03:54 PM
WOW...that's straightforward.

She says she's willing to try anything at least once. I've heard that shit before, except it all suddenly changes as soon as you bring up the unmentionable.

tooge
07-06-2010, 03:57 PM
BTW, hypothetically, when they say "thats not it", does that count as anal?

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:58 PM
And this is in addition to your wife's mother finding you getting head from her daughter. So twice you've been caught by a mother while her daughter was giving you a BJ? :eek:

I want to believe your stories, but...WTF?

Yes. But the wife's mother walking into our bedroom without knocking, so tough sh*t.

Pants
07-06-2010, 03:59 PM
BTW, hypothetically, when they say "thats not it", does that count as anal?

LMAO

DMAC
07-06-2010, 03:59 PM
BTW, hypothetically, when they say "thats not it", does that count as anal?

Depends on if they jump or not.

Donger
07-06-2010, 03:59 PM
BTW, hypothetically, when they say "thats not it", does that count as anal?

Only if you respond with, "I know."

luv
07-06-2010, 03:59 PM
BTW, hypothetically, when they say "thats not it", does that count as anal?

I lol'd.

DMAC
07-06-2010, 04:06 PM
I lol'd.have you been drinking today?

luv
07-06-2010, 04:08 PM
have you been drinking today?

Nope.

InChiefsHell
07-06-2010, 04:09 PM
Depends on if they jump or not.

"Just the tip...just for a minute..."

Count Alex's Wins
07-06-2010, 04:10 PM
Probably the second time, with the woman who popped my cherry. The other times have been pretty disappointing. Life is cruel.*





















*if you consider blowing it on a girl's face after a blowjob in lieu of actual sex to be cruel. I whine alot.

DMAC
07-06-2010, 04:11 PM
Nope.Loser.

DMAC
07-06-2010, 04:12 PM
"Just the tip...just to see how it feels..."FYP

DeezNutz
07-06-2010, 04:12 PM
I'll never forget thinking, "How on Earth am I going to orgasm while looking her father in the eyes and not have him notice?" He didn't, thankfully.

Just...in your pants? Your own ****ing pants...while looking Dad in the eye?

One could make an argument for this to be fail or win. User choice.

luv
07-06-2010, 04:12 PM
Loser.

Pretty much.

Donger
07-06-2010, 04:14 PM
Just...in your pants? Your own ****ing pants...while looking Dad in the eye?

One could make an argument for this to be fail or win. User choice.

Yes.

Count Alex's Wins
07-06-2010, 04:26 PM
Meh, not really. I've only had vaginal intercourse with three women in my life

Hey, me too!

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 04:27 PM
Hey, me too!

uh, your Mom and Sister don't count............

bevischief
07-06-2010, 04:28 PM
Ya know, I've started working on not giving out too much info. I think answering that would be a big fat failure in my efforts.

ROFL

Pants
07-06-2010, 04:30 PM
uh, your Mom and Sister don't count............

Low blow, brah.

siberian khatru
07-06-2010, 04:32 PM
Have you done anal?

She answered it in the past on here. I remember the answer.

But I ain't tellin'. :D

sedated
07-06-2010, 04:33 PM
Ya know, I've started working on not giving out too much info. I think answering that would be a big fat failure in my efforts.

I'm pretty sure that means "yes".

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 04:33 PM
Low blow, brah.

Surely, you jest.

siberian khatru
07-06-2010, 04:35 PM
I'm pretty sure that means "yes" "YES" "YES"

FYP.

Pants
07-06-2010, 04:36 PM
I'm pretty sure that means "yes".

I saw it as a "No." Hmmm. I don't really care, I was just trying to see if she really meant what she said.

kepp
07-06-2010, 04:41 PM
Did you really look him in the eyes while it happened?

ROFL

Pants
07-06-2010, 04:42 PM
ROFL

LMAO

Donger
07-06-2010, 04:50 PM
LMAO

What is that from?

Pants
07-06-2010, 04:51 PM
What is that from?

Look up "jizzed in my pants" on YouTube.

bevischief
07-06-2010, 04:52 PM
My girlfriend in high school, she was a freak.

kepp
07-06-2010, 04:52 PM
What is that from?

http://www.hulu.com/watch/47604/saturday-night-live-digital-short-j-in-my-pants

Count Alex's Wins
07-06-2010, 04:53 PM
What is that from?

Are you the biggest square on the planet?

Mojo Jojo
07-06-2010, 04:56 PM
This one time in high school while working at a pizza place I was alone closing up. There was one last pizza to be picked up. In the door walks the hottest woman I had ever seen...she was about 21. Turns out she left her money at home, but she was really hungry and wanted her pizza. She looks at me and asks if there was anyway she could pay for the pizza...

Sorry...I just couldn't resist :).

Donger
07-06-2010, 04:58 PM
http://www.hulu.com/watch/47604/saturday-night-live-digital-short-j-in-my-pants

Thanks.

Donger
07-06-2010, 04:59 PM
Are you the biggest square on the planet?

Because I don't watch SNL?

Count Alex's Wins
07-06-2010, 05:02 PM
I don't even watch SNL....

Donger
07-06-2010, 05:02 PM
I don't even watch SNL....

I suppose it depends on how you define square, then.

Count Alex's Wins
07-06-2010, 05:03 PM
I suppose it depends on how you define square, then.

You're just not very "hip." You're sort of boring, I'd imagine.

Have you ever been in a threesome?

Jilly
07-06-2010, 05:04 PM
You're just not very "hip." You're sort of boring, I'd imagine.

Have you ever been in a threesome?

I think Donger is one of the more interesting people on here, really. Guess that's just me.

kepp
07-06-2010, 05:05 PM
I think Donger is one of the more interesting people on here, really. Guess that's just me.

He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does...

Count Alex's Wins
07-06-2010, 05:06 PM
I think Donger is one of the more interesting people on here, really. Guess that's just me.

I don't. His idea of posting is just to be a passively-aggressively superior to everyone. He's not even funny.

Donger
07-06-2010, 05:06 PM
You're just not very "hip." You're sort of boring, I'd imagine.

Have you ever been in a threesome?

I'm not up-to-speed on a lot of modern things, I suppose.

Not that I recall.

ChiTown
07-06-2010, 05:06 PM
I think Donger is one of the more interesting people on here, really. Guess that's just me.

PLEASE! New avatar. gawdamn..............my avatar is going limp

Pants
07-06-2010, 05:07 PM
Cheese and Donger are so cute.

Jilly
07-06-2010, 05:07 PM
PLEASE! New avatar. gawdamn..............my avatar is going limp

He's funny. Cuz he went big with the cross and little with the swimsuit.

vailpass
07-06-2010, 05:08 PM
You're just not very "hip." You're sort of boring, I'd imagine.

Have you ever been in a threesome?

Oh for fuck sake dude.

stevieray
07-06-2010, 05:09 PM
threesome
"Peaches" from Atlanta
sit n spin in Colorado

...last eighteen years have been epic.

Donger
07-06-2010, 05:09 PM
I don't. His idea of posting is just to be a passively-aggressively superior to everyone. He's not even funny.

You really need better bait.

Pants
07-06-2010, 05:11 PM
Oh for **** sake dude.

Speaking of sex, I hope this fucktard didn't reproduce.

Count Alex's Wins
07-06-2010, 05:12 PM
There's no bait, fuddy duddy. Just callin' it like I see it.

There's nothing wrong with being boring. I'm pretty boring, to be frank. But I know what JIMP means...

Donger
07-06-2010, 05:14 PM
There's no bait, fuddy duddy. Just callin' it like I see it.

There's nothing wrong with being boring. I'm pretty boring, to be frank. But I know what JIMP means...

I have a life outside of the Internet, yes.

stevieray
07-06-2010, 05:21 PM
Clay, are you flirting with Donger?

vailpass
07-06-2010, 05:36 PM
Speaking of sex, I hope this ****tard didn't reproduce.

You haven't met his twins? Lefty and Righty?

Hog Farmer
07-06-2010, 08:11 PM
One time I got really ,really drunk and picked up this fat chick. I thought she was cool because she was a BIG chiefs fan. We went back to her place and when she pulled down her pants I got sober really quick. The stench was unbearable, so i asked her if she had a blind fold and by golly she did so I put it on her and picked up the handcuffs she had on the bedside table and handcuffed her to her headboard. I told her to just be quiet as we weren't to say a word to each other. I quietly slipped out back, let the neighbors German Shephard in and ran like hell. I'll never forget that smell and I'm a Hog Farmer!

Pants
07-06-2010, 08:56 PM
You haven't met his twins? Lefty and Righty?

I was talking about you, dumbass.

Mosbonian
07-06-2010, 09:33 PM
Surely, you jest.

I cannot believe everyone passed on the pat response to this one....

"No I do not...and don't call me Shirley."

mmaddog
********

RedNFeisty
07-06-2010, 09:48 PM
ROFL

There was some very entertaining material here to read!:thumb:

TheGuardian
07-06-2010, 09:48 PM
He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does...

Fucking awesome..........

Over-Head
07-07-2010, 12:50 AM
Night I busted my tooth when my knee slipped off the bed and I did a headder into the nightstand.
You figure it out :harumph:

Chiefspants
07-07-2010, 01:29 AM
I was a little too tall, Could've used a few pounds. Tight pants points hardly reknown, She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes, And points all her own sitting way up high, Way up firm and high.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 02:39 AM
I promised Luv I woudn't mention the night we got together.

She said it's to embarresing!

Chiefspants
07-07-2010, 02:46 AM
Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy, Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy, Workin' on mysteries without any clues, Workin' on our night moves, Trying' to make some front page drive-in news, Workin' on our night moves in the summertime, In the sweet summertime.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 02:47 AM
I will give a hint though. There were various farm animals that played an active roll as well as a midget wearing leather.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 02:49 AM
That's not a dog howling that's Luv.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 02:50 AM
An array of trapeze equipment littered the room.

The Pedestrian
07-07-2010, 02:52 AM
Elevator.

'nuff said.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 02:53 AM
Someone locked the room from the outside so we really had no other choice.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 02:55 AM
The drinks were spiked with a sustance the created a high yet horny feeling.
Luv was gulping it in gallons.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 02:59 AM
Strobe light flashed all over, your senses were numb.

" Is that aunt Sally and how did she get in that position I wondered ? "

Chiefspants
07-07-2010, 03:00 AM
We weren't in love, oh no, far from it, We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit, We were just young and restless and bored, Living by the sword, And we'd steal away every chance we could, To the backroom, the alley, the trusty woods, I used her she used me, But neither one cared, We were getting our share.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 03:02 AM
The party turned into a disaster when we ran out Leather whips and strap on devices. It went into full riot conditions.

Chiefspants
07-07-2010, 03:07 AM
Workin' on our night moves, Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues, Workin' on out night moves, In the summertime, And oh the wonder, Felt the lightning, And we waited on the thunder, Waited on the thunder.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 03:07 AM
Then this priest named Father Fagagin stopped the party momentarily to gather all the boys from 7 to 11 yeas old to his private study room.

Phobia
07-07-2010, 05:45 AM
I think the best revenge sex I ever had was getting caught by a mother while her daughter was blowing me. The mother hated me (wouldn't let me in the house), so the girl and I were just hanging out in her front yard, talking. The mom came out and said, "I'm going out for a bit. Don't let Donger in the house" and she drove off.

The daughter took me by the hand and took me into the house. We went into the front room (which was one of those "kids off limits" rooms) and we sat down on the sofa. Off go my pants and she's sucking like crazy. All of a sudden, the front door swings open, and it's mom. I'll never forget the look of horror on her her face.

Except she wasn't actually sucking, she was more like just licking your jeans down there, huh?

Hated your "hand-job" story, sport.

JD10367
07-07-2010, 07:11 AM
BTW, hypothetically, when they say "thats not it", does that count as anal?

LMAO I had that happen to me.

Wait. :rolleyes: Let me specify, I was pitching at the time, not catching, and it was with my wife.

Donger
07-07-2010, 08:01 AM
Except she wasn't actually sucking, she was more like just licking your jeans down there, huh?

Hated your "hand-job" story, sport.

:spock:

boogblaster
07-07-2010, 09:33 AM
my favorite cow was taken away and turned into hardee-burgers

Deberg_1990
07-07-2010, 09:35 AM
Looking in the pics forum I got to wondering. What is it? This is not a poll, but stories. What made it great?! Was it a great body?... a great personality?... a freak?... a friend?... a hooker?... the love of your life?... a one-nighter?... unencumbered?... I was drunk and she was Orca, but slippery?...

Let's here 'em.

Sorry if this is a repost, but things change day to day so f you.


It involved a monkey, horse and a one armed midget.

I win.

Fairplay
07-07-2010, 09:59 AM
It involved a monkey, horse and a one armed midget and Luv.

I win.


FYP

El Jefe
07-07-2010, 10:46 AM
You haven't met his twins? Lefty and Righty?

I was talking about you, dumbass.

LMAO LMAO

Chiefspants
07-07-2010, 01:51 PM
I woke last night to the sound of thunder, How far off I sat and wondered, Started humming a song from 1962, Ain't it funny how the night moves, When you just don't seem to have as much to lose, Strange how the night moves, With autumn closing in.

InChiefsHell
07-07-2010, 02:02 PM
I woke last night to the sound of thunder, How far off I sat and wondered, Started humming a song from 1962, Ain't it funny how the night moves, When you just don't seem to have as much to lose, Strange how the night moves, With autumn closing in.

We get it dude.

Bob Segar sucks.

wutamess
07-07-2010, 04:29 PM
Except she wasn't actually sucking, she was more like just licking your jeans down there, huh?

Hated your "hand-job" story, sport.


:BS:
U 2? He left a LOT of the truth out until pressed. Donger, you aint gotta lie to kick it!

Donger
07-07-2010, 04:44 PM
:BS:
U 2? He left a LOT of the truth out until pressed. Donger, you aint gotta lie to kick it!

I'm not lying. I assure you that is what happened.