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View Full Version : Prayer Request I need the strength to be the best dad possible.


BossChief
08-12-2010, 04:20 PM
I just found out that my sons mother just passed away (in California) and that I need to go out there and get things in order to pick him up. Its a blessing because I want nothing more than to have my son, but it will be very tough because he has always lived with her. Im about to find out what being a single dad is all about real fast.

I know very little details beyond that, but if you could, please send a prayer for me to keep me strong through all this.

I will update you all as I get more information...

Toadkiller
08-12-2010, 04:21 PM
Wow condolences on the mother, how old is the boy?

Buehler445
08-12-2010, 04:25 PM
Always remember your priorities and you will do fine. Best of luck Boss. The world needs more good parents.

ChiTown
08-12-2010, 04:26 PM
Wow. That's tough. I'll pray that you receive the wisdom to listen and learn on the fly. Being a Single Dad is a tough job.

Bill Lundberg
08-12-2010, 04:29 PM
I'm no single Dad, but my wife travels frequently for work. When she gets back I'm very thankful that I'm not a single Dad. It's a lot of work, but also a tremendous opportunity to build one of the strongest bonds humanly possible.

Good thoughts headed your way.

DeezNutz
08-12-2010, 04:29 PM
All best your way, Boss. Having the desire to be a good dad is a pretty damn important first step.

DJ's left nut
08-12-2010, 04:30 PM
Wow, I can imagine being heeled by that one.

Best of luck to you. You seem ahead of the curve already.

mlyonsd
08-12-2010, 04:40 PM
Sorry for your family's loss and good luck. Just remember to make decisions based on your son's best interests and you'll do all right.

BossChief
08-12-2010, 04:43 PM
thanks for the kind words and support

Nzoner
08-12-2010, 04:44 PM
Best of luck and thoughts to you.

OnTheWarpath58
08-12-2010, 04:50 PM
Holy shit.

Hang in there, BC. I'm sure you'll do great.

Phobia
08-12-2010, 04:53 PM
Once you get used to your life being turned upside down, you'll be just fine. Condolence on his momma though.

RedThat
08-12-2010, 05:02 PM
Sorry to hear about the loss of your sons mom.

Good luck to you, on this. Its a blessing to be with your son. Im sure you'll do fine. Just remember, you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it.

Chocolate Hog
08-12-2010, 05:10 PM
Wow thats horrible sorry to hear BossChief. Thoughts and prayers your way.

TrebMaxx
08-12-2010, 05:15 PM
Condolences for your son's mother. Hang in there and be prepared for a life changer, hopefully a change that you will cherish.

boogblaster
08-12-2010, 05:31 PM
you will do fine Boss .. plus something you will have forever in your heart ....

Mr. Flopnuts
08-12-2010, 05:41 PM
Brutal. You're a good dude Boss. Things will be as fine as possible considering the circumstances.

CaliforniaChief
08-12-2010, 06:00 PM
What a sudden change in the trajectory of your life and your son's. Sometimes we're at our best when we are completely unprepared and going by our instincts. God will give you the grace and strength you need to survive, then thrive in this next chapter of life.

bevischief
08-12-2010, 06:05 PM
Sorry to hear... RIP. Have the 2 of you ever met before?

Extra Point
08-12-2010, 06:25 PM
Good luck, Boss Chief. Be a good Dad.

Dallas Chief
08-12-2010, 06:26 PM
Prayers headed your way Boss. Being a father is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but the most wonderful, special, endearing thing at the same time. Blessings to you and your son...

BossChief
08-12-2010, 06:35 PM
I have now found out that temporary custody has been given to her parents as this happened a few days ago (OMG she passed away while it was just her and Zane in the apartment, her sisters kept calling with no answer until he picked up after a few hours later saying he "cant wake mommy up". I wish I had been told sooner, I wish I could have been there sooner.) and news just now got out to me late this afternoon. My first custody hearing is on the 31st in San Jose, CA. Her parents have also put in for permanent custody. I had a long talk with them and expressed that I want my son and want to do everything I can to fill his life with as much love as possible. They have said that he has asked for me but didnt want to talk with anyone when I asked to talk to him. I hope they aren't playing games.

I didn't think there would be any question that I would get my son, I had no idea I would have to go through the courts to get MY SON. I own my house, go to church on sundays, just about have my truck paid off and my job has told me that they will do whatever is necessary to accommodate for my schedule... no matter what.

He has lived his whole life out in California and is familiar with her family, but in my heart and mind I think the best for him is to be with his father and my family out here. I also want her family to be a big part of his life, I guess that will just be another part of the complications. No different than me being a part of his life while being out here in Iowa. They are retired, so they shouldn't have a problem getting out here whenever they want.

If anybody has gone through a similar situation for custody, I would very much appreciate a heads up for what to expect in court.

beach tribe
08-12-2010, 06:42 PM
Good luck Boss. I don't have any parenting exp., but I'm sure you'll do fine.
Nobody is perfect, and no one is a perfect parent.
Prayers your way, and the fact that you value a prayer tells me that the kid is probably in good hands.

beach tribe
08-12-2010, 06:44 PM
Oh Wow. I'm sorry the boy had to find her.
You will get your son, and I definitely think that's what is best for him.

Phobia
08-12-2010, 07:16 PM
I have now found out that temporary custody has been given to her parents as this happened a few days ago (OMG she passed away while it was just her and Zane in the apartment, her sisters kept calling with no answer until he picked up after a few hours later saying he "cant wake mommy up". I wish I had been told sooner, I wish I could have been there sooner.) and news just now got out to me late this afternoon. My first custody hearing is on the 31st in San Jose, CA. Her parents have also put in for permanent custody. I had a long talk with them and expressed that I want my son and want to do everything I can to fill his life with as much love as possible. They have said that he has asked for me but didnt want to talk with anyone when I asked to talk to him. I hope they aren't playing games.

I didn't think there would be any question that I would get my son, I had no idea I would have to go through the courts to get MY SON. I own my house, go to church on sundays, just about have my truck paid off and my job has told me that they will do whatever is necessary to accommodate for my schedule... no matter what.

He has lived his whole life out in California and is familiar with her family, but in my heart and mind I think the best for him is to be with his father and my family out here. I also want her family to be a big part of his life, I guess that will just be another part of the complications. No different than me being a part of his life while being out here in Iowa. They are retired, so they shouldn't have a problem getting out here whenever they want.

If anybody has gone through a similar situation for custody, I would very much appreciate a heads up for what to expect in court.

1. Retain local counsel who is a family law specialist who PRACTICES regularly in the jurisdiction in which any hearing will be held. Don't hire the cheap one. You'll lose.
2. He works for you. You provide the directives.
3. Your first directive should be to settle with the grandparents for sole custody but granting them grandparents rights at their expense.
4. Document every moment you've spent visiting the child from birth and all expenses you've covered whether it was paid through proper channels or not.
5. Document all contact attempts you've made since the boy's mother died.
6. Document all contact with the grandparents and what was said - when they notified you of the death of the mother, etc.
7. Be realistic about custody. If you've been an absent father, a judge isn't going to readily give you custody automatically.
8. Go out there NOW. Spend time with the boy. It will bode well for you in court if necessary.
9. Cooperate as best you can with the grandparents. You do not want it to turn adversarial. That will just cost everybody a lot of money.
10. Listen to your lawyer's advice. He's the one who knows the local family law. He knows the judges. He'll probably know the grandparents' attorney.

Gonzo
08-12-2010, 07:16 PM
Dude, sorry to hear about this. Hang in there man.
Posted via Mobile Device

Buck
08-12-2010, 07:20 PM
Sorry to hear about everything Boss.

DenverDanChiefsFan
08-12-2010, 07:51 PM
good thoughts headed your way. best of luck.

MadMax
08-12-2010, 08:21 PM
I just found out that my sons mother just passed away (in California) and that I need to go out there and get things in order to pick him up. Its a blessing because I want nothing more than to have my son, but it will be very tough because he has always lived with her. Im about to find out what being a single dad is all about real fast.

I know very little details beyond that, but if you could, please send a prayer for me to keep me strong through all this.

I will update you all as I get more information...



I will pray for you... I got full custody of all 3 of my children 2 of them about 4 years ago, one isn't even my biological child. It is one hell of a ride and learning experience. I keep saying I'm a horrible Father and role model but my kids tell me different. Just go with your heart bro and do what's best for your son :) It really feels good.

DaFace
08-12-2010, 09:01 PM
I know absolutely nothing about the whole custody thing, but good luck to you, dude. Hope everything turns out for the best (and sorry to hear about the kid's mom).

Gracie Dean
08-12-2010, 09:01 PM
so sorry

Lzen
08-12-2010, 09:21 PM
You got it, man. Prayers and good luck.

doomy3
08-12-2010, 09:47 PM
I have no advice at all on any level of this, but best of luck in all of it. You'll be fine, and your son will be too. Sorry to hear about how all this happened, but hopefully there will be a silver lining.

ForeverChiefs58
08-12-2010, 10:15 PM
Wow. So sorry to hear that Boss. Prayers are with you. You are just what he needs now. Good luck with everything and please keep us updated. God bless.

DaneMcCloud
08-12-2010, 10:39 PM
I'm really sorry to hear about this, BC. Best of luck moving forward, Dude.

I've got a close friend that specializes in family law in San Fran. I'm not sure if she takes on cases in San Jose but PM me if you'd like any assistance.

My condolences to you, the boy and his mother.

MOhillbilly
08-13-2010, 08:00 AM
You got a shit storm comin Boss. Take it head on.

seclark
08-13-2010, 08:42 AM
thoughts and prayers, boss. do what you need to do.
sec

BigOlChiefsfan
08-13-2010, 09:09 AM
Best wishes. Go slow and do your best.

Buehler445
08-13-2010, 09:14 AM
Wow. That's just what a kid that just found his mom dead... A courtroom to figure out where he's going to live.

Best of luck dude.
Posted via Mobile Device

BigMeatballDave
08-13-2010, 09:34 AM
I'm sorry your son lost his mother. Good luck with the custody.

booger
08-13-2010, 12:06 PM
sorry to all involved for the loss of mom.

little guy must be going through alot right now to say the least.

can't personally give you advice but looks like phobia gave you a great start. this place is good for that. God Bless!

Detoxing
08-13-2010, 01:16 PM
Good luck man. Be patient. Teach him about Chiefs football!

dirk digler
08-13-2010, 02:35 PM
Sorry to hear about this BC. Follow Phobia's advice and retain counsel ASAP.

Smed1065
08-13-2010, 02:52 PM
Condolences.
Best wishes and thoughts.

CrazyPhuD
08-13-2010, 03:52 PM
Wow sorry to hear about your loss. I hope your son is able to deal with it as best as it can be dealt with. Good luck with the custody issues hopefully it won't be a fight.

Tiger's Fan
08-13-2010, 04:01 PM
I guess I'll be the asshole and ask the question most people should want to know.

Why do you live so far away from your kid?

WilliamTheIrish
08-13-2010, 05:25 PM
Boss,

Be prepared. Be prepared in the manner Phobia mentioned. And be prepared in the manner MOHillbilly mentioned. Hopefully this will be resolved amicably. But don't go into it thinking it will be all sunshine.

And be prepared most of all, for the reality he may not come home with you.

I wish you well.

BossChief
08-13-2010, 07:15 PM
I guess I'll be the asshole and ask the question most people should want to know.

Why do you live so far away from your kid?Its not being an asshole asking that. It is something I have battled for some time now. I admit I might have been able to do more, but hadn't, to be closer to him. It is the biggest mistake I have made in life and hopefully I can make up for it.

The only answer is that I didn't know he was my son till he was almost 3 years old and I hadn't gotten enough ahead to be able to move yet. It has been in plans, but hadn't materialized quite yet. I just got a letter on my door one day from the Sheriffs office giving me a date and time to take a dna test, almost three years ago. From the moment I was named the dad I was well behind the 8ball and had a lot of catching up to do.

Whatever I did it seemed there were always setbacks and at the end of the day I didn't do enough and I regret that.

All I can do is move forward and try to do the best I can from here.

Boss,

Be prepared. Be prepared in the manner Phobia mentioned. And be prepared in the manner MOHillbilly mentioned. Hopefully this will be resolved amicably. But don't go into it thinking it will be all sunshine.

And be prepared most of all, for the reality he may not come home with you.

I wish you well.

I am in the process of taking the steps to move out there. After a lot of thought and conversation with friends and loved ones...its the ONLY decision. It will be hard to leave my Mom and brother (that has a son the same age) and all the great relationships I have built out here, but its the only logical decision at this point. He is my first son and my life focus has changed from being a "paper father" to having a chance to be a real dad.

I cant even imagine the fear that would go through his head if I were to make the selfish decision to take him all the way here and away from everyone he has grown to love, after losing his momma. I wont do that even if given the opertunity to do so. I have his long term emotional well being in my best interest and focus and if I made that selfish decision he would likely develop serious issues that he would carry his whole life and I want this to be as easy and natural as possible a transition for him as we can make it. He will have enough to deal with as is without adding a lot more to that list.

WilliamTheIrish
08-13-2010, 07:37 PM
Good luck, Boss.

teedubya
08-13-2010, 08:42 PM
The boy has lost a mom, but gained a father. Now is you time to shine.

Listen to Phobia. That was solid, solid advice.

teedubya
08-13-2010, 08:42 PM
How old is the kid? Do we know?

BossChief
08-13-2010, 08:51 PM
He just turned 6. About the worst time for this kind of thing to happen, I would imagine.

Phobia
08-13-2010, 09:32 PM
Its not being an asshole asking that. It is something I have battled for some time now. I admit I might have been able to do more, but hadn't, to be closer to him. It is the biggest mistake I have made in life and hopefully I can make up for it.

The only answer is that I didn't know he was my son till he was almost 3 years old and I hadn't gotten enough ahead to be able to move yet. It has been in plans, but hadn't materialized quite yet. I just got a letter on my door one day from the Sheriffs office giving me a date and time to take a dna test, almost three years ago. From the moment I was named the dad I was well behind the 8ball and had a lot of catching up to do.

Whatever I did it seemed there were always setbacks and at the end of the day I didn't do enough and I regret that.

All I can do is move forward and try to do the best I can from here.



I am in the process of taking the steps to move out there. After a lot of thought and conversation with friends and loved ones...its the ONLY decision. It will be hard to leave my Mom and brother (that has a son the same age) and all the great relationships I have built out here, but its the only logical decision at this point. He is my first son and my life focus has changed from being a "paper father" to having a chance to be a real dad.

I cant even imagine the fear that would go through his head if I were to make the selfish decision to take him all the way here and away from everyone he has grown to love, after losing his momma. I wont do that even if given the opertunity to do so. I have his long term emotional well being in my best interest and focus and if I made that selfish decision he would likely develop serious issues that he would carry his whole life and I want this to be as easy and natural as possible a transition for him as we can make it. He will have enough to deal with as is without adding a lot more to that list.

This is extraordinary, dude. Big props to you. My ex stole my teen daughters away to Virginia 7 years ago and I couldn't do a thing about it. I wish I had moved there as well but didn't have the means or opportunity. If I had to do it all over again knowing what I know now I would have. I'm super-impressed and the grandparents will be as well. Adopt them if they'll have it.

MahiMike
08-13-2010, 09:47 PM
Good luck.

BIG_DADDY
08-13-2010, 10:54 PM
You sound like a really good man. Putting the kid's best interest ahead of everything shows a lot. I wish the very best for you and your son.

pr_capone
08-14-2010, 12:44 AM
wow. amazing how life can change so quickly. my best to you and your son.

Oucho Cinco
08-14-2010, 08:05 AM
I guess I'll be the asshole and ask the question most people should want to know.

Why do you live so far away from your kid?

Given a choice I think he made a good decision, although it's bad that his kid's mother passed it's good that this dad lives in the middle of the country. Living in the middle is way better than living in the land of the liberals. The way life is in California isn't bad, but there is a higher probability of getting hooked up with the wrong crowd as a young kid.

I like California but I would never want to raise kids there.

Chief Henry
08-14-2010, 10:20 AM
Good luck.

BIG_DADDY
08-14-2010, 10:23 AM
Given a choice I think he made a good decision, although it's bad that his kid's mother passed it's good that this dad lives in the middle of the country. Living in the middle is way better than living in the land of the liberals. The way life is in California isn't bad, but there is a higher probability of getting hooked up with the wrong crowd as a young kid.

I like California but I would never want to raise kids there.

That's the reason I commute to Southern Oregon. There is a massive difference in the quality of life I can provide for him there. I miss him every second I am in the bay area though.

Pawnmower
08-14-2010, 05:22 PM
Sending you a prayer or three.

Also I live in Northern California (Sonoma County) so if you need to spend the night somewhere during your travels you are welcome to crash here for a night or two.

Anyhow, sending positive thoughts your direction.

BIG_DADDY
08-14-2010, 11:29 PM
Sending you a prayer or three.

Also I live in Northern California (Sonoma County) so if you need to spend the night somewhere during your travels you are welcome to crash here for a night or two.

Anyhow, sending positive thoughts your direction.

I just spent the night in the insane asylum out there the other night. I forgot just how beautiful it is there. BTW, Tra Vigne is the bomb.

Pawnmower
08-15-2010, 11:21 AM
I just spent the night in the insane asylum out there the other night. I forgot just how beautiful it is there. BTW, Tra Vigne is the bomb.

Yah, it is a beautiful spot. I'm a little closer to the coast, but I'll have to check Tra Vigne out some time...My wife loves Italian food. Thanks for the tip!

bevischief
08-15-2010, 03:38 PM
I just spent the night in the insane asylum out there the other night. I forgot just how beautiful it is there. BTW, Tra Vigne is the bomb.

Who let you out?

Iowanian
08-16-2010, 07:36 AM
Good Luck. Definitely time to put on your big boy pants now.

CaliforniaChief
08-16-2010, 08:29 AM
Boss, you are showing a lot of maturity through this. His grandparents' move to get custody is more likely a protective move for him and in a sense, a way to hold on to memories of their daughter. Their fears will be greatly relieved by you moving out there. This isn't to say that you stop the legal process because you don't...but your actions are doing a lot to draw down their defense mechanisms.

Still praying, man.

RedNFeisty
08-16-2010, 10:31 AM
I wish you the best and send prayers your way. No one is ever really ready to be a parent, whether it be for a new born or a six year old, just remember the tragic loss he is going through, along with meeting his father for the first time; it is going to be a big change for him and a lot for him to process.

I have no advice to give other then shower him with love and devotion, making him a priority.

BIG_DADDY
08-16-2010, 02:30 PM
Yah, it is a beautiful spot. I'm a little closer to the coast, but I'll have to check Tra Vigne out some time...My wife loves Italian food. Thanks for the tip!

The wine menue is a little steep though so you may just want to bring your own and pay for corking. Food was awesome. I went on Ciopinno Wednesdays and it was the best I had ever had for $20. The corn soup with morrels was the bomb too. It is supposed to be very hard to get in and I recommed calling way in advance to set a reservation. We walked in right when they opened and they found a seat for us in an empty dining room. I was like, "what's the big deal the place is empty" 30 minutes later there wasn't a seat in the house. I'll be coming through again the weekend after next.

Sweet Daddy Hate
08-27-2010, 10:27 AM
I just found out that my sons mother just passed away (in California) and that I need to go out there and get things in order to pick him up. Its a blessing because I want nothing more than to have my son, but it will be very tough because he has always lived with her. Im about to find out what being a single dad is all about real fast.

I know very little details beyond that, but if you could, please send a prayer for me to keep me strong through all this.

I will update you all as I get more information...

How did I miss this? I'm so sorry man.

Hydrae
08-27-2010, 11:00 AM
Its not being an asshole asking that. It is something I have battled for some time now. I admit I might have been able to do more, but hadn't, to be closer to him. It is the biggest mistake I have made in life and hopefully I can make up for it.

The only answer is that I didn't know he was my son till he was almost 3 years old and I hadn't gotten enough ahead to be able to move yet. It has been in plans, but hadn't materialized quite yet. I just got a letter on my door one day from the Sheriffs office giving me a date and time to take a dna test, almost three years ago. From the moment I was named the dad I was well behind the 8ball and had a lot of catching up to do.

Whatever I did it seemed there were always setbacks and at the end of the day I didn't do enough and I regret that.

All I can do is move forward and try to do the best I can from here.



I am in the process of taking the steps to move out there. After a lot of thought and conversation with friends and loved ones...its the ONLY decision. It will be hard to leave my Mom and brother (that has a son the same age) and all the great relationships I have built out here, but its the only logical decision at this point. He is my first son and my life focus has changed from being a "paper father" to having a chance to be a real dad.

I cant even imagine the fear that would go through his head if I were to make the selfish decision to take him all the way here and away from everyone he has grown to love, after losing his momma. I wont do that even if given the opertunity to do so. I have his long term emotional well being in my best interest and focus and if I made that selfish decision he would likely develop serious issues that he would carry his whole life and I want this to be as easy and natural as possible a transition for him as we can make it. He will have enough to deal with as is without adding a lot more to that list.

This post answers a lot of the questions that came up in my mind reading through this thread. It sounds like you have a great plan on how to support him and it is very good that you recognize the need for him to keep as much stability in his life as possible right now. Major props to you, you are well on your way to being a GREAT dad!

Omaha
08-27-2010, 11:13 AM
He just turned 6. About the worst time for this kind of thing to happen, I would imagine.

My oldest just turned 6, as well. Good luck, man.