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View Full Version : Life Okay, I have had some time to process so here goes


Gracie Dean
09-08-2010, 08:33 PM
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=233091


Let me start by saying I have had a good life. I have beaten some great odds in the past and I am square with GOD. That being said, I am not ready to give up...


You all know I have been pretty sick but I have not shared everything...

Since last July I have had very high wbc count but there has always been a plausible explaination for it. ie pancreatitis, the Crohn's and its various stages of flare up, taking prednisone ect... There has always been something that the Highly elevated WBC could be "attributed to" so I wasn't worried and neither was my GI doc or my gen phys.

Well things changed this past weekend. I have been losing weight, I have been really sick in addition to the crohn's and I started having multiple bruising on both arms for no reason. I have 8 on my left arm and 5 on my right. The infusions I get every 6 weeks have been known to cause Leukemia and my father died of it as well.

I saw the doc today and had a LOT of blood drawn. Bone Marrow tap may be ordered depending on the blood test results.

As I said, I am not afraid of the end, I just don't want it yet. I want to see my daughter get married next June and I would love to be able to rock a future grandkid to sleep and hopefully that won't be for another 4/5 years.

I fought hard the last time and am ready again.

BUT...we drained our nest egg the last go around and if things turn out the way the docs and us are thinking, I will have to take time off work and if that happens, we will fall behind in student loans and some other things because disability in our district is only 70% of what our normal pay would be. Additionally, our daugter's explorer is deader than dead and we don't have the money to get her a different vehicle. She gets school money at the end of this month, but she is walking quite a distance for work and classes. (she chose to move out so part of me says welcome to adulthood) I would lose about 1500 a month which is quite a bit for us right now.

That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger and God knows how much we can handle. I am ready for the fight, but at the same time, I am worried for my family.

Shogun
09-08-2010, 08:36 PM
Good luck with everything, I will pray for you and your family. What doesnt kill you makes your more strong.

Jerm
09-08-2010, 08:36 PM
Hang in there...you got my prayers and support.

:toast:

Mr. Flopnuts
09-08-2010, 08:40 PM
:( Jesus. Fighting for your life and worried about what the family is going to do for money. Life just isn't fair sometimes. Pam, I can't tell you enough how much I'm praying for you right now.

cdcox
09-08-2010, 08:45 PM
Sorry to hear of your most recent difficulties, Pam. God bless and stay strong.

TrebMaxx
09-08-2010, 08:46 PM
Hang in there, more prayers on the way.

Buck
09-08-2010, 08:46 PM
Sorry to hear, I hope everything turns out well.

Gracie Dean
09-08-2010, 08:50 PM
Thank you all. For your prayers and your encouragement.

I know it must seem like my life is a soap opera ( I feel that way too sometimes)

But it helps to share things here as my husband is just about at his wits end.

Mr. Flopnuts
09-08-2010, 08:52 PM
Thank you all. For your prayers and your encouragement.

I know it must seem like my life is a soap opera ( I feel that way too sometimes)

But it helps to share things here as my husband is just about at his wits end.

I couldn't begin to imagine what I'd be going through if it was my wife. It's just brutal.

Gracie Dean
09-08-2010, 08:53 PM
I couldn't begin to imagine what I'd be going through if it was my wife. It's just brutal.

he alternates between being angry, being concerned, wanting to just pretend it will all go away to accepting what is going on. Sometimes it is easier to vent online to save him the pain and frustration

ChiTown
09-08-2010, 08:54 PM
God bless, Pam

We'll keep praying for you. Keep fighting.

Gracie Dean
09-08-2010, 08:56 PM
I promise I will not post woe is me threads all the time. I am looking forward to this football season. But I will post updates from time to time.

CaliforniaChief
09-08-2010, 08:57 PM
I agree with Floppy. It just sucks that you even have to think about finances in terms of fighting the next thing, whatever it might be. It should be a matter of "ok, this is what you're facing and this is what needs to be done to give you the best chance to beat it." But unfortunately that isn't reality.

All I would say is that despite the signs, don't cross the bridge before you get there. I'll pray that the test shows something else...something much more manageable. And if it is really bad...well then I'll pray for healing.

Again, sorry life's been so tough.

Stinger
09-08-2010, 08:58 PM
Sorry to hear .... keep your head up and I hope everything turns out well. We will add you and your family to our prayer list.

If you are so inclined Romans 8:26-39

BCD
09-08-2010, 08:58 PM
Godspeed, Pam.

FAX
09-08-2010, 09:00 PM
The shadows will part. They will.

Hold fast, Ms. noswad.

FAX

KcMizzou
09-08-2010, 09:06 PM
Ugh. Hang in there, girl. Fight hard, and enjoy life... the little things that are usually taken for granted. Everybody here wishes you the best.

Gonzo
09-08-2010, 09:10 PM
Ugh. Hang in there, girl. Fight hard, and enjoy life... the little things that are usually taken for granted. Everybody here wishes you the best.
This.
With what you're going through, I'm sure you've learned how to appreciate the small things a little more than the average person. I know it's a cliche but just keep on living each day to it's fullest.
Hang in there Pam.
Posted via Mobile Device

Gracie Dean
09-08-2010, 09:12 PM
Ugh. Hang in there, girl. Fight hard, and enjoy life... the little things that are usually taken for granted. Everybody here wishes you the best.

You are right. That is what my doc told me today. Do not worry about the bills, make sure to do something fun at least 2 x a week and take time for me and my family.

I appreciate everyone here on CP and I know it seems like I always have something or some issue but truly, I am blessed and have a great family. I also have great friends and I consider you all friends.

My family tries not to talk about such things so sometimes sharing on here is therapy for me.

Sweet Daddy Hate
09-08-2010, 09:12 PM
Prayers your way tonight.

Dante84
09-08-2010, 09:12 PM
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KcMizzou
09-08-2010, 09:16 PM
My family tries not to talk about such things so sometimes sharing on here is therapy for me.I completely understand that. I think a lot of us do that from time to time.

Gracie Dean
09-08-2010, 09:18 PM
I completely understand that. I think a lot of us do that from time to time.


I think my hubby feels if we don't talk about things, they won't be there or happen...

RJ
09-08-2010, 09:20 PM
Pam, I predict that in 5 years you'll be here posting about that grandchild.

I further predict that some board members will bitch about all your grandkid posts.

Hard to believe, I know. :D

After all you've been through, you would know better than most that our imaginings are almost always worse than our realities.

Hang in there and keep us posted whenever you feel like sharing.

luv
09-08-2010, 09:20 PM
Whenever I'm feeling down about the predicament I'm going to possibly be in in a few months, I am shown that I should count myself lucky for the things I do have. Thanks for the reminder.

Oh, and ditto on everything everyone else has said. :D

Keep your chin up.

RJ
09-08-2010, 09:23 PM
I think my hubby feels if we don't talk about things, they won't be there or happen...


I'm like that at home. I think it's a guy thing, or at least a lots of guys thing.

Mr. Flopnuts
09-08-2010, 09:27 PM
Whenever I'm feeling down about the predicament I'm going to possibly be in in a few months, I am shown that I should count myself lucky for the things I do have. Thanks for the reminder.

Oh, and ditto on everything everyone else has said. :D

Keep your chin up.

Yeah. Nothing like a dose of hard core reality to remind you that whatever you "think" is tough in this life, isn't worth a hill of turds to someone going through 100 times more.

KcMizzou
09-08-2010, 09:30 PM
I'm like that at home. I think it's a guy thing, or at least a lots of guys thing.Yep.

The whole "not being able to fix things" is hard to deal with...

stlchiefs
09-08-2010, 09:35 PM
Prayers for you and your family. Keep fighting.

cdcox
09-08-2010, 10:04 PM
If your husband's employer has an EAP, encourage him to take advantage of it. It could be a big help for him to have someone to talk to. It's understandable that he wouldn't want to fully express his feelings with you, since he is trying to be strong for you. But it can really help to get an objective ear to talk to.

Buehler445
09-08-2010, 10:07 PM
Thank you all. For your prayers and your encouragement.

I know it must seem like my life is a soap opera ( I feel that way too sometimes)

But it helps to share things here as my husband is just about at his wits end.

Not at all. Do what you need to do.

I'll continue praying.
Posted via Mobile Device

Rain Man
09-08-2010, 10:09 PM
Hopefully everything works out for you. It seems like hard times come in clumps and you have to bounce through it until you break into clear air again.

Over-Head
09-08-2010, 10:10 PM
Prayers dude!!!!

Chris Meck
09-08-2010, 10:22 PM
Pam,
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.

My wife has been battling cancer for a couple of years now. She's been able to work the whole time, even through who can remember how many rounds of chemo (tough cookie) but there have been times we considered her going on disability, even just temporarily. Perhaps that might be an option, I know that they can make other financial arrangements as well.

I hope everything works out.

Chris

Sweet Daddy Hate
09-08-2010, 10:29 PM
Prayers sent.

Bwana
09-09-2010, 06:29 AM
Hang in there Pam!

Chiefs=Good
09-09-2010, 06:36 AM
Prayers are with you. Good luck with everything!

King_Chief_Fan
09-09-2010, 06:45 AM
Your health and family are in our prayers

seclark
09-09-2010, 07:00 AM
thoughts & prayers for you & your family, pam.
sec

kc rush
09-09-2010, 07:36 AM
Everyone has their struggles and you have had far more than most, but somehow you always seem to look for the positives and fight through it. I admire this in you.

As always I'll say a prayer for you. Hopefully this and the encouragement you receive here on the Planet will help you get through this.

mikeyis4dcats.
09-09-2010, 07:37 AM
keep your chin up!

bevischief
09-09-2010, 07:38 AM
:( Jesus. Fighting for your life and worried about what the family is going to do for money. Life just isn't fair sometimes. Pam, I can't tell you enough how much I'm praying for you right now.

This says it all.

Mr. Plow
09-09-2010, 08:12 AM
You keep reminding me how lucky I really am. You've got my prayers and I hope that things turn around quickly for you and your family. Keep your head up and just enjoy life.

boogblaster
09-09-2010, 08:17 AM
damit you're getting hit hard everywhere .. i hope you beat it and get all your wishes ...

MOhillbilly
09-09-2010, 08:18 AM
I admire grit and game above all else and you have both in spades. You dont need luck when you are all heart.

Phobia
09-09-2010, 09:35 AM
Pam, I'm done being nice to you. If you go off and die, I am going to be extremely pissed.

HemiEd
09-09-2010, 09:45 AM
You keep reminding me how lucky I really am. You've got my prayers and I hope that things turn around quickly for you and your family. Keep your head up and just enjoy life.

This! I just was just thinking this very thing after reading the thread. Hang in there Pam!

hawkchief
09-09-2010, 09:49 AM
God bless noswad.

EWOK
09-09-2010, 09:50 AM
I will be praying for you. You have the tenacity of a bulldog and God bless you for that. It is good that you are not fighting this alone. What I have noticed with this group is we well demean each other over just about everything but when it comes to a members or their family health we all band together.

Jilly
09-09-2010, 10:04 AM
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=233091


Let me start by saying I have had a good life. I have beaten some great odds in the past and I am square with GOD. That being said, I am not ready to give up...


You all know I have been pretty sick but I have not shared everything...

Since last July I have had very high wbc count but there has always been a plausible explaination for it. ie pancreatitis, the Crohn's and its various stages of flare up, taking prednisone ect... There has always been something that the Highly elevated WBC could be "attributed to" so I wasn't worried and neither was my GI doc or my gen phys.

Well things changed this past weekend. I have been losing weight, I have been really sick in addition to the crohn's and I started having multiple bruising on both arms for no reason. I have 8 on my left arm and 5 on my right. The infusions I get every 6 weeks have been known to cause Leukemia and my father died of it as well.

I saw the doc today and had a LOT of blood drawn. Bone Marrow tap may be ordered depending on the blood test results.

As I said, I am not afraid of the end, I just don't want it yet. I want to see my daughter get married next June and I would love to be able to rock a future grandkid to sleep and hopefully that won't be for another 4/5 years.

I fought hard the last time and am ready again.

BUT...we drained our nest egg the last go around and if things turn out the way the docs and us are thinking, I will have to take time off work and if that happens, we will fall behind in student loans and some other things because disability in our district is only 70% of what our normal pay would be. Additionally, our daugter's explorer is deader than dead and we don't have the money to get her a different vehicle. She gets school money at the end of this month, but she is walking quite a distance for work and classes. (she chose to move out so part of me says welcome to adulthood) I would lose about 1500 a month which is quite a bit for us right now.

That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger and God knows how much we can handle. I am ready for the fight, but at the same time, I am worried for my family.

UGH...... I hate cancer. It's the shittiest thing on this earth.

God bless you and I will pray for this difficult journey for you. I do think though, that life jsut gave you this shitty deal and it may be to a point where you can't handle all of it and that's when, at least when I think about it, God will carry the part you can't handle. Blessings on you and your family.

Chief Henry
09-09-2010, 10:08 AM
Goodluck Pam

Chief Henry
09-09-2010, 10:09 AM
Goodluck Pam

Renegade
09-09-2010, 01:27 PM
Pam I wish you much luck and prayers on what you are going through. You are made of some strong material.

I really feel ashamed for people who abuse the system, like this lady did

http://specials.msn.com/A-List/Lifestyle/Bride-faked-illness.aspx?cp-searchtext=Bride%20faked%20illness

Frazod
09-09-2010, 01:32 PM
I wish you the best, Pam. Hang in there.

Lzen
09-09-2010, 01:35 PM
Stay strong, Pam. Prayers for you and your family.

Chiefnj2
09-09-2010, 01:40 PM
Best of luck to you and your family.

Otter
09-09-2010, 01:53 PM
Give 'em hell Pam. You're in our thoughts and prayers.

mlyonsd
09-09-2010, 02:29 PM
Good luck Pam. Keep a positivie attitude.

Demonpenz
09-09-2010, 02:42 PM
The money thing just seems to work out when you put God first.

Mr. Kotter
09-09-2010, 02:57 PM
I'm so sorry, Pam. Life throws us a lot, sometimes. Try to stay positive, and keep fighting. We'll be thinking about you and praying for the best.

oldandslow
09-09-2010, 03:11 PM
Oh dear...

Pam-

I suspect we all pray to the same God in a myriad of different ways...

My sons and I are drumming tonite and we will sing this prayer for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuyQOeZNuOU&feature=related

It is a simple healing song, always done at Sun Dance, but other times as well...

The words are ... (English is bolded - WakanTanka (orWakanCanka) means the Great Mystery or God.)

Ate Wakantanka heya uweyo (twice)

Father Wakantanka says come

Ate Wakantanka onsimala yo

Father Wakantanka, pity me

Oyate, oyate zanni cinpelo

The people, the people want good health

Heya hoyewayelo

Saying that, I send a voice.

Gracie Dean
09-09-2010, 03:19 PM
Pam I wish you much luck and prayers on what you are going through. You are made of some strong material.

I really feel ashamed for people who abuse the system, like this lady did

http://specials.msn.com/A-List/Lifestyle/Bride-faked-illness.aspx?cp-searchtext=Bride%20faked%20illness

Oh @@#%T^ that @%^ me off to no end.

How dare people like that exist. GRRRRRRRr I hope reality bites her in the ass and she pays the price.

It is no joke or something to be used for sympathy. It is crappy and it is devastating. It breaks families apart and causes tension when there needs to not be any. People don't know what to say and they think if they touch you they might get it OR they act like you are gonna die tomorrow.

I just want them to act like I am normal and not even think about it. Is that too much to ask?

58-4ever
09-09-2010, 03:22 PM
No need to apologize for anything. Keep fighting. Good luck!

Gracie Dean
09-10-2010, 10:22 PM
Usually the doc or the nurse calls with the blood test results and tells me things look okay.

This time, they called and suggested I come in Tuesday to go over the results

CosmicPal
09-10-2010, 10:28 PM
Usually the doc or the nurse calls with the blood test results and tells me things look okay.

This time, they called and suggested I come in Tuesday to go over the results

F*ck! My deepest heartfelt prayers go out to you! Beat this! Believe that you CAN beat it! I'll pray for you before I lay my head down tonight.

chiefs4me
09-10-2010, 10:42 PM
Usually the doc or the nurse calls with the blood test results and tells me things look okay.

This time, they called and suggested I come in Tuesday to go over the results






Cancer is limited ...
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot shut out memories
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the spirit,
It cannot lessen the power
of the Resurrection.
<!--msthemeseparator-->

Gracie Dean
09-10-2010, 10:44 PM
Cancer is limited ...
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot shut out memories
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the spirit,
It cannot lessen the power
of the Resurrection.
<!--msthemeseparator-->








Thank you!!! that is awesome

chiefs4me
09-10-2010, 10:47 PM
Thank you!!! that is awesome



my prayers to St. Peregrine for you pam..

Ebolapox
09-10-2010, 10:59 PM
damn, I don't even know what to say. I lost the only grandparent I had that was worthwhile (the others had either died, lived too far away and didn't give a shit about us, or lived close and didn't give a shit about us) to lung cancer 12 years ago this november. cancer is rough for those with it, sometimes even rougher on one's support network (the people that surround them). my condolences, and I KNOW you can get through this. I'm not a praying person, but positive thoughts and 'mojo' are headed your way.