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bevischief
09-23-2010, 01:18 PM
http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=news/bizarre&id=7685101

FRENCHTOWN, MT -- A Montana woman fended off a charging bear on her back porch early Thursday by using the first weapon she could reach -- a piece of zucchini.

The woman was stirred after midnight by a tussle in the backyard of her home near Frenchtown, Missoula County Sheriff's Lt. Rich Maricelli said. She went to investigate and found a 200-pound black bear attacking one of her two dogs, a 12-year-old collie.

The woman stood at her back door and screamed to divert the bear's attention from the dog. She told police the bear then charged her.

"The bear growled and was very aggressive and tried to come inside of her back door," Maricelli said. "She was able to stop the pursuing bear by improvising."

The bear took a swipe at her with its paw and tore her jeans. The woman jumped back and grasped the nearest object on her kitchen counter inside the doorway -- a 12-inch-long zucchini she had harvested earlier from her garden.

She flung the zucchini at the bear from a distance she estimated to be 3 feet. The vegetable bopped the bruin on the top of its head and the animal fled, Maricelli said.

State wildlife officials were searching for the bear on Thursday. Radio station KGVO in Missoula first reported on the attack.

The woman received only minor scratches that did not require medical attention, though she was going to get a tetanus shot on Thursday as a precaution, Maricelli said. Police did not release her name.

The woman also planned to take her collie to the veterinarian. The dog didn't appear to have any bite wounds, but was a bit shaky on Thursday, Maricelli said.

"I don't know if it tried to bite him, but it rolled him around a little," he said.
(Copyright 2010 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

loochy
09-23-2010, 01:20 PM
Did Jamaal Charles carry her to the emergency room? If not, he should have.

Shogun
09-23-2010, 01:20 PM
Did Jamaal Charles carry her to the emergency room? If not, he should have.

Thomas Jones got the majority of the Carry.

loochy
09-23-2010, 01:21 PM
Thomas Jones got the majority of the Carry.

!!!!:cuss:

Jamaal would have gotten her there in half the time. Jones is washed up.

keg in kc
09-23-2010, 01:23 PM
This sounds like a porn flick. "Bear" breaks into a room where a "lady" is playing hide the 12-inch zucchini.

jiveturkey
09-23-2010, 01:24 PM
Why on earth didn't she go outside with a gun?

When I hear a noise in the middle of the night my first inclination isn't to go verbally assault the noise maker.

Detoxing
09-23-2010, 01:25 PM
Ok, So the bear tore her jeans, went inside her back door, and was scared off by her zucchini?

Interesting........

kysirsoze
09-23-2010, 01:27 PM
Why on earth didn't she go outside with a gun?

When I hear a noise in the middle of the night my first inclination isn't to go verbally assault the noise maker.

Your first inclination is to shoot it? Where the fuck do you live??:eek:

MoreLemonPledge
09-23-2010, 01:27 PM
Bring her in for a look. And then give her twice as many carries as Charles.

FAX
09-23-2010, 01:27 PM
Zucchini.

Don't go out the back door without it.

FAX

jiveturkey
09-23-2010, 01:47 PM
Your first inclination is to shoot it? Where the **** do you live??:eek:My first inclination is grab a weapon before investigating a midnight noise.

If I lived in Montana I sure as shit wouldn't go outside with something capable of putting holes in something.

What's your first inclination when you hear something rustling around in the middle of the night?

BigChiefFan
09-23-2010, 01:55 PM
Bring her in for a look. And then give her twice as many carries as Charles.

ROFL

Lonewolf Ed
09-23-2010, 01:56 PM
That is a hideous vegetable. I'd have run away, too. Bleh!

Coach
09-23-2010, 01:59 PM
Is this the same Bear in question that tore up the campground awhile back?

Heh.

Fritz88
09-23-2010, 02:01 PM
Zucchini.

Don't go out the back door without it.

FAX
I knew Mr FAX would deliver. ROFL
Posted via Mobile Device

Sofa King
09-23-2010, 02:03 PM
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<object width="100%" height="100%"><param name="movie" value="http://movieclips.com/watch/embed/the-great-outdoors-1988/chet-and-the-bald-bear/0/154.655"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://movieclips.com/watch/embed/the-great-outdoors-1988/chet-and-the-bald-bear/0/154.655" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" width="100%" height="100%"></embed></object>


<object width="100%" height="100%"><param name="movie" value="http://movieclips.com/watch/embed/the-great-outdoors-1988/big-bear-chase-me/0/164.498"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://movieclips.com/watch/embed/the-great-outdoors-1988/big-bear-chase-me/0/164.498" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" width="100%" height="100%"></embed></object>

Sofa King
09-23-2010, 02:05 PM
the damn embeds won't show up... but this is funny...

http://movieclips.com/watch/the-great-outdoors-1988/chet-and-the-bald-bear/

http://movieclips.com/watch/the-great-outdoors-1988/big-bear-chase-me/

38yrsfan
09-23-2010, 02:24 PM
andthe headlines read ... WOMAN SQUASHES BEAR IN KITCHEN.

BigRichard
09-23-2010, 02:29 PM
Good thing this didn't happen to Matt Cassel, he would have killed both the dogs throwing that thing.

gblowfish
09-23-2010, 02:44 PM
Sometimes you get the bear;
Sometimes the Bear gets the Zucchini.

Alton deFlat
09-23-2010, 02:47 PM
Don't you know that bear had a story to tell when he got back to the den.

Pestilence
09-23-2010, 02:50 PM
Good thing this didn't happen to Matt Cassel, he would have killed both the dogs throwing that thing.

Only if they were 2 yards away from him.

ClevelandBronco
09-23-2010, 03:11 PM
What does a bare woman befriending a zucchini have to do with Jamaal Charles?

bevischief
09-23-2010, 03:47 PM
Don't you know that bear had a story to tell when he got back to the den.

He thought it was a sex toy...

threebag02
09-23-2010, 03:55 PM
They left out the part where she started working herself over with the zucchini. She started moaning loader than the bear. The bear ran off in fear. She finshed off the zucchini. End of story.

The Pedestrian
09-23-2010, 04:20 PM
He thought it was a sex toy...

...and then he said "Damn do-it-yourselfers. They'll never appreciate natural pleasure."

lcarus
09-23-2010, 04:20 PM
I think the news just makes shit up these days. Especially in MT....

Art Vader
09-23-2010, 04:25 PM
start her against the niners, but pay her eleventy billion first.

Fritz88
09-23-2010, 04:27 PM
She throws short routes better the Cassel

Gonzo
09-23-2010, 05:38 PM
I knew Mr FAX would deliver. ROFL
Posted via Mobile Device

I remember the time I delivered my 12 inch zucchini at your place. It was awesome!
Posted via Mobile Device

stevieray
09-23-2010, 06:05 PM
..me and... me and.... mr.jooooones..we got three yards....gooooing on...

Rain Man
09-23-2010, 06:05 PM
If a bull had charged her, I bet she would have used a gourd.

FAX
09-23-2010, 06:21 PM
The bull does the gourding. Saw it on the Discovery Channel.

You know, it's interesting that there's nothing in this story about that time the lady killed an entire pack of wolves armed with nothing but some carrots and a sprig of parsley. You don't provoke salad Annie.

FAX

Chiefs Rool
09-23-2010, 06:22 PM
maybe that Zuchini had a rancid, bear repellant, stench on it from driving it up her you know what.

Rain Man
09-23-2010, 06:24 PM
The bull does the gourding. Saw it on the Discovery Channel.


Oh, you may be right. I had that backwards.

Rain Man
09-23-2010, 06:24 PM
maybe that Zuchini had a rancid, bear repellant, stench on it from driving it up her you know what.


What kind of women do you date?

stevieray
09-23-2010, 06:28 PM
You don't provoke salad Annie.

FAX
gator got her granny
everyone thought it was a shame...
cause her brother was workin on the chain gang..

..a mean...vicious woman...

Chiefs Rool
09-23-2010, 06:32 PM
What kind of women do you date?

Sometime's my wife's snatch isn't the best smell in the whole world.

Gonzo
09-23-2010, 07:43 PM
Sometime's my wife's snatch isn't the best smell in the whole world.

Sometimes??? Sometimes???

Heh, to each his own.
Posted via Mobile Device

JoeyChuckles
09-23-2010, 07:50 PM
This sounds like a porn flick. "Bear" breaks into a room where a "lady" is playing hide the 12-inch zucchini.

While reading the original post, my only thought was "Who will be the first one to turn this into a sexual thing"

Congrats, you win

Bwana
09-23-2010, 09:58 PM
Heh, they had A LOT of fun with this story on the local news. Next time I hit the woods, I may leave my Smith & Wesson 500 at home and pack a zucchini as a bear abuser.

http://www.noordinaryhomestead.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/zucchini01-1.5kg.jpg

Jerm
09-23-2010, 10:09 PM
Hmmmm maybe the "bear" in question was a drunk Jay Cutler.

Bwana
09-23-2010, 10:31 PM
I think the news just makes shit up these days. Especially in MT....

:spock:

No gonad, there are a lot of bears around here and there has been a shit load of problems with them this year.

rockymtnchief
09-23-2010, 10:39 PM
:spock:

No gonad, there a a lot of bears around here and there have been a shit load of problems with them this year.

Did you get the e-mail of the two cows kicking the shit out of a black bear?

Bwana
09-24-2010, 06:19 AM
Did you get the e-mail of the two cows kicking the shit out of a black bear?

I did indeed. They damn near turned him into a "rug." :D

Otter
09-24-2010, 06:45 AM
I did indeed. They damn near turned him into a "rug." :D

Heh, send me that puppy if you still have it laying around.

Bwana
09-24-2010, 06:49 AM
Heh, send me that puppy if you still have it laying around.

Done

rockymtnchief
09-24-2010, 06:58 AM
I did indeed. They damn near turned him into a "rug." :D

I almost felt sorry for the poor sumbitch as he hung his head and walked off.

I guess it would be equal to getting your ass kicked by two girls in front of your friends.

Bwana
09-24-2010, 07:22 AM
I almost felt sorry for the poor sumbitch as he hung his head and walked off.

I guess it would be equal to getting your ass kicked by two girls in front of your friends.

LMAO

rockymtnchief
04-22-2011, 06:37 AM
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2KMvNdOY-ro" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

JD10367
04-22-2011, 08:23 AM
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3GEYTHPGCsg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Inspector
04-22-2011, 10:30 AM
Sometime's my wife's snatch isn't the best smell in the whole world.


Um...yeah....

Several of us around here noticed that too but weren't going to mention it.

RockChalk
04-22-2011, 10:37 AM
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2KMvNdOY-ro" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Kind of makes you feel bad for that bear. Some of those cows were huge though. Since I live in KS, I'm not around bears that often. Was that a young black bear? Looked to be a little undersized, especially compared to the roid-cattle

BigOlChiefsfan
04-22-2011, 03:03 PM
If they were all in prison, those moocows could now rent that bear out by the hour for cigarettes.

Rain Man
04-22-2011, 03:52 PM
Kind of makes you feel bad for that bear. Some of those cows were huge though. Since I live in KS, I'm not around bears that often. Was that a young black bear? Looked to be a little undersized, especially compared to the roid-cattle


Yeah, and I'm not sure the bear would've been attacking a cow anyway. I bet it was just wandering around eating berries. A more apt title would have been "Cows attack bear" than the other way around.

rockymtnchief
04-22-2011, 04:26 PM
Yeah...he's a youngin, for sure. I don't know if he was eyeballing a calf or just wandering around. But don't be fooled, cows can be damn mean if calves are involved. There's a video taken around Cody of a heard running off a grizzly.

JOhn
04-22-2011, 04:32 PM
Yeah...he's a youngin, for sure. I don't know if he was eyeballing a calf or just wandering around. But don't be fooled, cows can be damn mean if calves are involved. There's a video taken around Cody of a heard running off a grizzly.

:LOL:

Yea that was just south of town.

Best one was a few years back, a full grown male was killed by a small group (4-5) Bison. They were domesticated, as much as one can domesticate a bison, and were protecting a calf.

Dr. Van Halen
04-22-2011, 04:41 PM
:spock:

No gonad, there are a lot of bears around here and there has been a shit load of problems with them this year.

I wasn't aware Billings had the same kind of problems we have on the more mountainous side of the state.

I used to work in Frenchtown. They're not allowed to even have birdfeeders any more.

rockymtnchief
04-22-2011, 04:47 PM
Yup...I run with the game warden and he's constantly telling people to ditch the bird feeders and keep the dog food inside.

But, I think Bwana was refering to Red Lodge-Cooke City area. CS is where the bear attaclked 2 tents and ate a guy last year.

Bwana
04-22-2011, 04:57 PM
Yup...I run with the game warden and he's constantly telling people to ditch the bird feeders and keep the dog food inside.

But, I think Bwana was refering to Red Lodge-Cooke City area. CS is where the bear attaclked 2 tents and ate a guy last year.

Bingo

BigOlChiefsfan
04-22-2011, 05:41 PM
I like to think I'm open minded about the wheel of life and all, but for the record I do NOT want to enter the food chain quite that high up. Y'all bears and wolves and so on can f*** off.

RJ
04-22-2011, 07:45 PM
If only zucchinis were served at McDonalds.

LiveSteam
04-22-2011, 09:26 PM
Why on earth didn't she go outside with a gun?

When I hear a noise in the middle of the night my first inclination isn't to go verbally assault the noise maker.

ROFL