PDA

View Full Version : Football Hypothetical: Your NFL Career


Rain Man
09-24-2010, 02:28 PM
You're about to turn 32 years old. For the past ten years you've had a moderately successful NFL career as an outside linebacker. You were drafted by the Carolina Panthers in the third round out of the University of South Carolina, and after a year or two as a backup you got the starting job, which you held for eight years. Four years ago you even squeaked into the pro bowl as an injury replacement after two of the pro bowl starters were suspended for steroid use and beating up a prostitute, respectively. You're not a local icon and you won't ever have commercials or endorsement deals, but you're good for a free restaurant meal once a week when someone recognizes you.

The decade was good financially, too. You grossed a total of $16 million in earnings, which after taxes and your agent fees means your take home pay was about $7 million. You have a nice 5,000 square foot home on a lake that's paid for, and your conservative mutual funds and savings accounts have a current total balance of $3,213,423.68. Your NFL pension will also pay you another $36,000 per year. You have no debt, and every paternity test has shown the kid to be Cromartie's, so you have no concerns in that area.

But now you're at a crossroads. NFL Coach of the Year Jimmy Raye (just to confirm that this is hypothetical) has informed you that he's going with a youth movement at linebacker. He used his first-round pick to draft sensation Kieran Knightley from Penn State at your position, and with his third-round pick he also drafted Nat Lee Portman from The Ohio State University, also at your position. He's informed you that he's going to cut you.

Your agent calls. It's Arizona. The Cardinals want to offer you a one-year deal for $1,050,000, or about $570,000 after taxes and agent. They likely won't re-sign you beyond that one year, because they only have a short-term need until their star linebacker, Jessie K. Alba, finishes a one-year suspension for using a racial epithet when he guest-hosted Saturday Night Live (musical guest: Train). You're 100 percent sure you can get a roster spot, and maybe there's a 25 percent chance of winning a starting spot. Otherwise, you're likely a one-down linebacker and special teams player.

Arizona is a borderline playoff caliber team with a stout defense. You know that you're not the player you once were, so you'll probably be one of the weaker links on the defense. You'll need to go live in Arizona for the season, which will take you away from your wife Heather, who's a little down right now about the release of that sex tape with her and those other two Panther cheerleaders, and your two small children, Julio and Sanjay.

Your agent says that no one else has indicated an interest in you. Do you sign?

Baby Lee
09-24-2010, 02:32 PM
Dunno about the hypo, but I'm already regretting putting my two small children on my sex tape.

DaKCMan AP
09-24-2010, 02:32 PM
Yes. With $570 g's we still be cak'n patna'.

But before you leave, make a new tape with both Knightley and Portman. Then upon arrival in Arizona make another with Alba. Awesome.

Rain Man
09-24-2010, 02:33 PM
Dunno about the hypo, but I'm already regretting putting my two small children on my sex tape.

It's just a cameo since you forgot to lock the door.

seclark
09-24-2010, 02:33 PM
i didn't know you could get suspended for beating up a prostitute?
sec

loochy
09-24-2010, 02:34 PM
Of course I sign.

The good thing is that I'm going to a team with a stout defense so the other players will help me look good and potentially get another contract next year.

Rain Man
09-24-2010, 02:41 PM
i didn't know you could get suspended for beating up a prostitute?
sec

In part, it's because you were with Roethlisberger when it happened, so they want to make a point.

Dicky McElephant
09-24-2010, 02:42 PM
I'd sign in a heartbeat.

It's extra money and I'm on a borderline playoff team. At this point in my career....I could give a shit if I'm starting.

Dicky McElephant
09-24-2010, 02:43 PM
Yes. With $570 g's we still be cak'n patna'.

But before you leave, make a new tape with both Knightley and Portman. Then upon arrival in Arizona make another with Alba. Awesome.

You're into dudes?

Otter
09-24-2010, 02:47 PM
It's just a cameo since you forgot to lock the door.

"Don't worry champ, I'm not hurting your mother!"

Can we make musical guest Harvey Danger? I wanna see a 'Flagpole Sitta" revive.

Rain Man
09-24-2010, 02:50 PM
You're into dudes?


I must admit, he took me by surprise with that revelation.

Hydrae
09-24-2010, 02:55 PM
Personally I would probably retire with my money and hopefully most of my health. But then I was never driven to play football. So I actually voted yes because if I was driven I would probably not be ready to hang up the cleats yet.

DMAC
09-24-2010, 03:05 PM
Time to open up a car dealership. I have also been meaning to make some cool atv trails in the woods on my land. Fuck it...im out.

seclark
09-24-2010, 03:06 PM
In part, it's because you were with Roethlisberger when it happened, so they want to make a point.

no way...i never got near the bathroom.
sec

FD
09-24-2010, 03:26 PM
Theres no way I made it this far in my football career if I didn't love to play the game. Of course I sign.

Extra Point
09-24-2010, 03:34 PM
I sue my wife for divorce, taking residence in the state that will best cover my assets, seeing the cameo appearances of my kids in that sex tape. I'll live in AZ for the rest of my days with my kids, in the mountains in the eastern part of the state. Sign me up!

DaKCMan AP
09-24-2010, 04:01 PM
You're into dudes?

I'm into this:

http://www.celebrity-pictures.ca/Celebrities/Keira-Knightley/Keira-Knightley-67.JPGhttp://www.mannythemovieguy.com/images/Natalie-Portman-has-filmed.jpghttp://style.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/jessica_alba.jpg

Dicky McElephant
09-24-2010, 04:03 PM
Did you not understand that:

Kieran Knightley
Nat Lee Portman
Jessie K. Alba

are MALE football players on your team? Or are you just going off of the names......and being a smart ass?

DaKCMan AP
09-24-2010, 04:04 PM
Or are you just going off of the names......and being a smart ass?

.

Dicky McElephant
09-24-2010, 04:28 PM
.

That's what I figured.

Rain Man
09-24-2010, 04:55 PM
I was asking this poll because I was curious if some folks would be concerned enough about their legacy that they wouldn't want to switch teams in their last year and they wouldn't want their last images to be as a weak link on an otherwise strong defense.

I'd be concerned about that, but I still voted 'yes'. It's too hard to walk away from that kind of money. I think that's one of the things that has changed football, in that players now have golden handcuffs where the money is too big to walk away when they think they're on the decline.

Psyko Tek
09-24-2010, 06:34 PM
I was asking this poll because I was curious if some folks would be concerned enough about their legacy that they wouldn't want to switch teams in their last year and they wouldn't want their last images to be as a weak link on an otherwise strong defense.

I'd be concerned about that, but I still voted 'yes'. It's too hard to walk away from that kind of money. I think that's one of the things that has changed football, in that players now have golden handcuffs where the money is too big to walk away when they think they're on the decline.

for me it wouldn't be about the money

only the game

SNR
09-24-2010, 08:35 PM
I would convert to RB, bill myself as a hard worker who shuts up and does his job, go to Kansas City, and take carries away from Jamaal Charles

SNR
09-24-2010, 08:50 PM
Oh, and I would retire if no other team signed me. I'm in good financial standing and I want to retain my health and be with my family.