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DJJasonp
09-27-2010, 09:38 PM
I call on the planet's wisdom for help...

At my work, we have a private men's bathroom that the public does not have access to. In this bathroom, there are two sit-down stalls. One is pretty narrow, and the other is pretty wide with enough space to stretch out, feel comfortable.....get the job done!

The problem lies with the bigger stall (the one everyone who has access wants to use).....

Someone, and I'm not sure who yet.....somehow "stains" the toilet. And we're not talking about the normal, what clorox might call "stubborn stains".....we're talking.....wait for it.......THE FRIGGIN' TOP OF THE SEAT!!!

It's not the top of the seat in the front (picture the upside down 'U' which is the seat......the stains are at the curved portion of the 'U').

These stains are significant enough (and they happen frequently enough) that this is definitely no accident!

Now...to the question of how this happens.....I've surmised only two possible scenarios as to how the stains appear on top of the toilet seat:

A) The offender-in-question somehow hovers over the seat, making no contact with said seat....and lets 'er rip....thus, initiating a "carpet bombing" effect.....OR

B) The offender-in-question has a yet-to-be-classified birth defect whereas the buttocks region contains a 2nd (or 3rd) butthole.....with a very unfortunate placement nearer the waistline, rather than the normal ground-zero area.

In addition to this, many times I'll visit this stall and find random, what I'll call "untidiness" on the seat. The only way I can explain it is that it looks like someone got naked, and rolled around in grass clippings or wiped a lint-screen on their butt somehow.

It makes, too often for my comfort, an unpleasant work bathroom experience.

Anyone else face these atrocities at work?

Should I put up a sign with instructions? Maybe some visual aids on how to and how not to....use the facilities? :cuss:

ChiTown
09-27-2010, 09:47 PM
ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL

Kyle DeLexus
09-27-2010, 09:49 PM
Whoever it is needs to start utilizing the A.C. Slater technique because right now they are dropping napalm

DJJasonp
09-27-2010, 09:50 PM
Whoever it is needs to start utilizing the A.C. Slater technique

I'm intrigued....do tell!

Kyle DeLexus
09-27-2010, 09:54 PM
I'm intrigued....do tell!
http://img126.imageshack.us/img126/3317/position2ij8.jpg

cdcox
09-27-2010, 09:55 PM
This problem is easily solved. When you get to work in the morning, piss all over the toilet seat. Everyone will go to the smaller stall. When you need to poop, just wipe down the seat with TP (urine is sterile). When you finish your business, hose down the seat again in case you need to come back later in the day.

yhf
09-27-2010, 09:57 PM
The solution to your problem is quite simple. Don't shit while you are on the clock. Workday shitbreaks indicate poor work ethic.

Gadzooks
09-27-2010, 10:03 PM
I’ve been known to leave a lint screen residue on warmer days. But it wasn’t me.
I prefer to poop alone on my personal throne.

DJJasonp
09-27-2010, 10:03 PM
The solution to your problem is quite simple. Don't shit while you are on the clock. Workday shitbreaks indicate poor work ethic.

But that's where all the real important decisions are made at my work! :)

Delano
09-27-2010, 10:04 PM
DJJasonp! You wanted in on this poop
war from the start.
The outcast. The slut. The bitch. The
whore. The lonely, sad, slutty, bitchy whore.
Posted via Mobile Device

arrowheadnation
09-27-2010, 10:22 PM
Sounds like to me someone has a case of the screamin' Commanches or the green apple splatters if you will and they're prairie doggin' as they pull down their pants, they start fire hosing before they get sat down.

Chief Chief
09-27-2010, 10:59 PM
Great...another poop thread.

OK, here's what you do: Check out the ceiling above the larger stall. If there's any way to position yourself in the ceiling with a viewing hole down to the toilet, then that's what you need to do. Be sure to take a camcorder so you can record visual evidence. Even if you're unable to get inside the ceiling, don't despair. If the ceiling is high enough, use your ingenuity to rig a contraption which will keep you up there. Don't worry about anyone seeing you -- no one ever looks upward while they're pooping. Remember to have your camcorder charged up and handy at all times. Good luck!

DA_T_84
09-27-2010, 11:06 PM
Put a sign up that says-

"Hey, Asshole. Don't fucking shit on the seat. And if you do, fucking wipe it up, you worthless fuck. I know who you are, and if it happens one more time, I will send an email from a fake account to the entire office that outs you. Think I'm joking? Try me."

chiefsnorth
09-27-2010, 11:11 PM
Some people are so fat they don't know precisely where the drop zone is..?

threebag02
09-27-2010, 11:34 PM
I did roll out the paper and some asshat blew his nose and rolled the tissue back on the roll. Another time I got the dried booger on the unlock side of the stall lock. Gross motherfuckers probably rub one out on their belly and go back to work.

LaChapelle
09-27-2010, 11:36 PM
Someone has a toliet trained cat in their manbag

Bwana
09-27-2010, 11:57 PM
Hmm? If it happens the same time every day, just go in early with a sack Poison Ivy and some gloves and rub some on the front of the seat. The guy that is wildly rubbing his sack, is the one you need to have a talk with.

The Pedestrian
09-28-2010, 12:05 AM
Anyone else face these atrocities at work?

Should I put up a sign with instructions? Maybe some visual aids on how to and how not to....use the facilities? :cuss:

Our public restrooms had toilet tanks like most people have at home instead of the auto-flushers. Once, I walked into our our men's room and found sh*t caked to one of tanks a fair height above the seat, and some apparently splashed sideways to the wall of the stall. The only way I could think of this being remotely possible was if the guy stood with his back to the toilet, bent straight down as far as he could, and proceeded to launch explosive diarrhea at the toilet tank with the hope of being propelled like a jet out of the stall.

Buck
09-28-2010, 12:25 AM
I call on the planet's wisdom for help...

At my work, we have a private men's bathroom that the public does not have access to. In this bathroom, there are two sit-down stalls. One is pretty narrow, and the other is pretty wide with enough space to stretch out, feel comfortable.....get the job done!

The problem lies with the bigger stall (the one everyone who has access wants to use).....

Someone, and I'm not sure who yet.....somehow "stains" the toilet. And we're not talking about the normal, what clorox might call "stubborn stains".....we're talking.....wait for it.......THE FRIGGIN' TOP OF THE SEAT!!!

It's not the top of the seat in the front (picture the upside down 'U' which is the seat......the stains are at the curved portion of the 'U').

These stains are significant enough (and they happen frequently enough) that this is definitely no accident!

Now...to the question of how this happens.....I've surmised only two possible scenarios as to how the stains appear on top of the toilet seat:

A) The offender-in-question somehow hovers over the seat, making no contact with said seat....and lets 'er rip....thus, initiating a "carpet bombing" effect.....OR

B) The offender-in-question has a yet-to-be-classified birth defect whereas the buttocks region contains a 2nd (or 3rd) butthole.....with a very unfortunate placement nearer the waistline, rather than the normal ground-zero area.

In addition to this, many times I'll visit this stall and find random, what I'll call "untidiness" on the seat. The only way I can explain it is that it looks like someone got naked, and rolled around in grass clippings or wiped a lint-screen on their butt somehow.

It makes, too often for my comfort, an unpleasant work bathroom experience.

Anyone else face these atrocities at work?

Should I put up a sign with instructions? Maybe some visual aids on how to and how not to....use the facilities? :cuss:

RockyMtnChief probably knows the perp.

Frankie
09-28-2010, 01:02 AM
Apply antifreeze to the seat.

johnny961
09-28-2010, 01:31 AM
Hmm? If it happens the same time every day, just go in early with a sack Poison Ivy and some gloves and rub some on the front of the seat. The guy that is wildly rubbing his sack, is the one you need to have a talk with.

ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL

Yeah that'd be a deadfire giveaway. :evil:

CrazyPhuD
09-28-2010, 01:43 AM
Does your work provide toilet seat covers?(i.e. those paper donut thingees you can use?) If not they need to. Because when first reading this I'm guessing it's a hoverer....and I'm willing to bet it's female. So which ones of the girls at work seems to be the most germ phobic? That's the likely person. Again putting the paper seat covers in should solve this issue, because A hopefully person doing the did will use them and B, if they miss you can use them.

Seriously if they want them to stop provide the paper donuts(and make sure they are full). Then have a meeting to talk about the 'hoverer'. If the person is female(which I'm guessing is a 99% probability). Then they will be so embarrassed to have their actions made public that they will A. use the donuts, or B. stop using that toilet. Either way problem solved.

Fritz88
09-28-2010, 04:35 AM
A thoughtful, in depth discussion.
Posted via Mobile Device

blaise
09-28-2010, 04:36 AM
Some people are so fat they don't know precisely where the drop zone is..?

That's what I was thinking. Maybe dude is so fat that when he cuts loose he rooster tails behind him.

Pioli Zombie
09-28-2010, 05:25 AM
www.doodie.com

Pioli Zombie
09-28-2010, 05:32 AM
At one place I worked I kept finding empty sandwich bags and crumbs on the floor of the stall. Someone was eating their lunches in their while taking a shit! So I sent out an email saying "I know in our busy day some people need to eat their lunches while in the mens room. May I suggest we have a condiment section available that provides ketchup,mustard,relish,onions,salt,pepper etc to make the bathroom stall dining experience more pleasurable for everyone".

bevischief
09-28-2010, 06:05 AM
RockyMtnChief probably knows the perp.

ROFL

bevischief
09-28-2010, 06:07 AM
Remove all TP from the stalls.

loochy
09-28-2010, 08:51 AM
Just call a meeting and invite everyone, then bring up the topic. This should sufficiently embarrass the hell out of whoever is doing it and he might stop. Also, it will provide a forum for fed up people like yourself to unite against sloppy poopers.

Donger
09-28-2010, 08:59 AM
Kill all the other employees.

DJJasonp
09-28-2010, 09:01 AM
Our public restrooms had toilet tanks like most people have at home instead of the auto-flushers. Once, I walked into our our men's room and found sh*t caked to one of tanks a fair height above the seat, and some apparently splashed sideways to the wall of the stall. The only way I could think of this being remotely possible was if the guy stood with his back to the toilet, bent straight down as far as he could, and proceeded to launch explosive diarrhea at the toilet tank with the hope of being propelled like a jet out of the stall.

THIS! Nice to know they're "marking their territory", thus rendering the stall useless the rest of the day!

DJJasonp
09-28-2010, 09:03 AM
Does your work provide toilet seat covers?(i.e. those paper donut thingees you can use?) If not they need to. Because when first reading this I'm guessing it's a hoverer....and I'm willing to bet it's female. So which ones of the girls at work seems to be the most germ phobic? That's the likely person. Again putting the paper seat covers in should solve this issue, because A hopefully person doing the did will use them and B, if they miss you can use them.

Seriously if they want them to stop provide the paper donuts(and make sure they are full). Then have a meeting to talk about the 'hoverer'. If the person is female(which I'm guessing is a 99% probability). Then they will be so embarrassed to have their actions made public that they will A. use the donuts, or B. stop using that toilet. Either way problem solved.

the ass-gaskets are provided....and apparently ignored. This is definitely a men's restroom only....so if they're female, they're quite good at hiding it!

gblowfish
09-28-2010, 09:06 AM
We should start a think tank specializing in studying such behavior, and secure a large, six figure federal grant.

kc rush
09-28-2010, 09:06 AM
At one place I worked I kept finding empty sandwich bags and crumbs on the floor of the stall. Someone was eating their lunches in their while taking a shit! So I sent out an email saying "I know in our busy day some people need to eat their lunches while in the mens room. May I suggest we have a condiment section available that provides ketchup,mustard,relish,onions,salt,pepper etc to make the bathroom stall dining experience more pleasurable for everyone".

I've posted it here before, but someone was making a sandwich in the stall next to mine once. I was so fouled.

I don't like bringing anything in with me since the thought of bathroom germs turns my stomach.

Bwana
09-28-2010, 09:10 AM
We should start a think tank specializing in studying such behavior, and secure a large, six figure federal grant.

The hell with that, this needs my drastic action! How about a restroom czar, or is that one of the numerous czars that has already been appointed? :doh!:

blaise
09-28-2010, 09:11 AM
I've posted it here before, but someone was making a sandwich in the stall next to mine once. I was so fouled.

I don't like bringing anything in with me since the thought of bathroom germs turns my stomach.

Making a sandwich? How could you tell, did they like clang a butter knife inside a mayo jar or something?

gblowfish
09-28-2010, 09:13 AM
They asked him thru the stall to "pass the Grey Poupon."

bevischief
09-28-2010, 09:15 AM
Pass out corks to all the employees...

blaise
09-28-2010, 09:17 AM
They asked him thru the stall to "pass the Grey Poupon."

Yes, and then he asked him if he had any salami he could use.

Bwana
09-28-2010, 10:04 AM
Yes, and then he asked him if he had any salami he could use.

It's Shawn Smith!! :eek:

boogblaster
09-28-2010, 10:10 AM
Do you have any latinos working there .. they don't sit on a seat .. they stand up on the seat and spray everything .. fricking little bastards ....

loochy
09-28-2010, 10:16 AM
Do you have any latinos working there .. they don't sit on a seat .. they stand up on the seat and spray everything .. fricking little bastards ....

? I don't get it. Why would anyone do that? You'd just get it on yourself too.

kc rush
09-28-2010, 10:18 AM
Making a sandwich? How could you tell, did they like clang a butter knife inside a mayo jar or something?

I saw the sandwich sitting on a ziplock bag on the floor, then I saw them putting mayo and mustard on from those little packets. :Lin:

Baby Lee
09-28-2010, 10:20 AM
They asked him thru the stall to "pass the Grey Poupon."

Heh, poop on.

Fish
09-28-2010, 10:23 AM
Who is the fattest slob in your office? $5 says it's very likely that person...

blaise
09-28-2010, 10:25 AM
One day I went in the restroom in our office building and some dude was washing his feet in the sink.

Bwana
09-28-2010, 10:31 AM
One day I went in the restroom in our office building and some dude was washing his feet in the sink.

As disturbing as that is, it could have been much worse! :eek:

johnny961
09-28-2010, 10:59 AM
I've posted it here before, but someone was making a sandwich in the stall next to mine once. I was so fouled.

I don't like bringing anything in with me since the thought of bathroom germs turns my stomach.


:Lin::Lin::Lin:

The thought of eating anything inside a public sh!tter is just plain wrong. Damn.

tooge
09-28-2010, 11:35 AM
I had this happen with a guy working at my house. The offending party was about 6 foot 8 and about 400 lbs. I would guess your perpetrator is the same. The ass is so large that the dirty part simply cant all fit in the hole. Look for a whale of a man, and you have solved the crime.

buddha
09-28-2010, 11:41 AM
Simple solution...do your business in the stall that is too skinny for the fat bastard to squeeze into.

Chiefs Rool
09-28-2010, 11:43 AM
that's just marking your territory. He figures that nobody else would want to sit on that, so he has the nice stall all to himself. He doesn't mind the stain, because it's his.

Kerberos
09-28-2010, 11:53 AM
Unexplained bowel movements at work stall

"I know! You can make a weapon, look around you, can you construct some sort of rudimentary lathe?"

TrebMaxx
09-28-2010, 11:54 AM
We have a few morbidly obese gents here where I work. Their abilities in the restrooms are horrendous. I will not use the shitter at work unless it is a emergency because it gets so nasty. Even pissing in the urinals seems to be an issue for the way too overweight fellas. It's just great to go in to take a leak find a piss lake on the floor around the urinal or just a sticky semi dried piss puddle.

Frankie
09-28-2010, 01:56 PM
Kill all the other employees.

RWNJ!
;)