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Rain Man
11-24-2010, 03:51 PM
As the new health care bill unfolds in 2011, the nation gets a surprise.

Tucked away on page 594 of the law, which was never read by any Senator or Congressman, is a special clause inserted by 19 year-old Minnesota congressional intern Toby Saarsgard. Toby got his internship because his dad was roommates with the junior congressman from Minnesota back when they both attended St. Olaf, and he never really wanted to be in D.C., wishing instead that he could be working the salmon boats up in Alaska with his friends Jason and Rich, who e-mail him every day about their exploits with hot Aleut girls. So in a fit of pique one day about his humid summer and ill-fitting tasseled dress shoes, Toby added the following clause to the health care legislation as a joke, and since no one ever read it, it was enacted into law.

Section 104, Paragraph 32, Clause 4a: Whereas the initiation of the new health care system will place significant stress on American taxpayers, and whereas sexual activity is a known stress reliever, then therefore every American age 18 or older will be required to participate in four (4) sexual threesomes in the Year 2012, or one per calendar quarter. Each threesome will be with two women in the upper 10 percent of American women in terms of attractiveness, and may not be the spouse or girlfriend of the American receiving the services. Women shall be randomly assigned from pools based on race and, if applicable, hair color, but to promote diversity the subject will not select from the same race/hair color combination more than once.

Note: Toby required the threesomes to be with women, and that all Americans comply, regardless of gender. Toby's got a little bit of the pervert streak in him.


Having no choice but to comply, you report to the Luxor Casino in Las Vegas to conduct your first required threesome, and you must admit that it does seem like something that will ease your stress. The lady at the desk hands you U.S. Threesome Form 918002 to fill out. You're supposed to pick the combination of women you want in each of your four threesomes over the coming year. The fine print at the bottom of the form confirms that the women will be attractive to you or else you’ll be assigned new ones. Failure to participate in your required threesomes will result in no more than 90 months of incarceration and/or fines up to $25,000

You must pick four combinations of women at this time, based on race and/or hair color. And as we all know, chemistry and complementary styles are very important in a threesome. From the poll above, which is designed to emulate U.S. Threesome Form 918002, which four pairs do you pick?

Dicky McElephant
11-24-2010, 03:53 PM
Gotta love a Rain Man thread.

ClevelandBronco
11-24-2010, 03:53 PM
My wife is in the room and I'm going to jail. Right, honey?

Donger
11-24-2010, 03:56 PM
Carla Gugino - Brenda Song
Cameron Diaz - Christina Applegate
Halle Berry - Winona Ryder
Natalie Portman - Whomever she wants to bring along

bowener
11-24-2010, 04:02 PM
Can I fuck 2 cats?

Rain Man
11-24-2010, 04:06 PM
Can I **** 2 cats?

A bureaucracy is designed to provide standardized services to large numbers of people, so the options are limited to those shown on U.S. Threesome Form 918002. However, as with most government programs, it is expected that the program will expand and 2 cats will eventually be added to the list.

JD10367
11-24-2010, 04:08 PM
My wife's a brunette, so I voted:

- blonde and redhead
- East Asian and Native American
- South Asian and African American
- Hispanic and Middle Eastern

I like buffets. And if I'm goin' to the buffet, I'm gonna sample every fucking thing on there.

Rain Man
11-24-2010, 04:14 PM
After much thought and consternation, I went with:

Brunette and South Asian (contrast, but with some complementary features)
Blonde and blonde (it's a classic, can't pass this one up)
Redhead and Middle Eastern/Mediterranean (it's an unlikely combo that works, like bananas and chocolate)
East Asian and East Asian (another classic, but with an exotic twist)

bowener
11-24-2010, 04:15 PM
A bureaucracy is designed to provide standardized services to large numbers of people, so the options are limited to those shown on U.S. Threesome Form 918002. However, as with most government programs, it is expected that the program will expand and 2 cats will eventually be added to the list.

Changed my mind. I want dugongs now. There is an historical reason for this as well... you should read on it.

Rain Man
11-24-2010, 04:24 PM
Changed my mind. I want dugongs now. There is an historical reason for this as well... you should read on it.

There may be a conflict with the Endangered Species Act, but you're welcome to submit an application to add dugongs to the form.

Donger
11-24-2010, 04:25 PM
Oh, I guess I was a little too specific.

Lonewolf Ed
11-24-2010, 04:26 PM
They go away afterwards, right?

Dicky McElephant
11-24-2010, 04:36 PM
(White) Brunette & (White) Brunette
(White) Blonde & (White) Redhead
East Asian & East Asian
Hispanic & Hispanic

Warrior5
11-24-2010, 04:37 PM
There may be a conflict with the Endangered Species Act, but you're welcome to submit an application to add dugongs to the form.

No conflict... he's a union member, so he gets a waiver.

Rain Man
11-24-2010, 04:45 PM
Oh, I guess I was a little too specific.


Yeah, they're working with large volumes, so they have to be a little more generic. Perhaps you can seek a voucher program at some point in the future, though.

Rain Man
11-24-2010, 04:46 PM
They go away afterwards, right?

There's a minor chance of slight snuggling immediately afterward, but for the most part they go away immediately.

Sofa King
11-24-2010, 04:52 PM
White Blonde and African American

White Blonde and Hispanic

White Blond and East Asian

East Asian and East Asian

ozarkchief
11-24-2010, 04:55 PM
Generally, I don't care for government edicts, but a threesome smorgasbord might restore my faith in government again.

Rain Man
11-24-2010, 05:09 PM
Generally, I don't care for government edicts, but a threesome smorgasbord might restore my faith in government again.


It's about time that government began serving the people. Pursuit of happiness and all that stuff.

mlyonsd
11-24-2010, 05:14 PM
How long did it take you to come up with those combinations and did you jot them down on paper first?ROFL

Rain Man
11-24-2010, 05:18 PM
How long did it take you to come up with those combinations and did you jot them down on paper first?ROFL

I put together a little Excel grid and then wrote a formula to produce the combinations. Too much typing otherwise. Gotta be efficient.

mlyonsd
11-24-2010, 05:23 PM
I put together a little Excel grid and then wrote a formula to produce the combinations. Too much typing otherwise. Gotta be efficient.

There are so many options I can't remember which 4 I picked.

Rain Man
11-24-2010, 05:40 PM
There are so many options I can't remember which 4 I picked.


Look for the italics in the poll results. As the old saying goes, "Where there's italics, there's a threesome."

mlyonsd
11-24-2010, 05:52 PM
Look for the italics in the poll results. As the old saying goes, "Where there's italics, there's a threesome."
Learn something new every day. Personally I think a 'spin the wheel and surprise me' would have been what I would have voted for.....just to prove I'm not a bigot.

Rain Man
11-25-2010, 02:26 PM
Learn something new every day. Personally I think a 'spin the wheel and surprise me' would have been what I would have voted for.....just to prove I'm not a bigot.

Ooh, good idea.

If we weight them all equally and give you four random spins, you'd end up with these:


(White) Blonde & (White) Redhead

South Asian (dot) & South Asian (dot)

Hispanic & Hispanic

(White) Brunette & African American


Pretty good combo all in all.



If I got four random spins, I'd end up with:


(White) Brunette & East Asian

Middle Eastern/Mediterranean & Middle Eastern/Mediterranean

(White) Redhead & (White) Redhead

(White) Blonde & East Asian


That's a winner, too.