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thecoffeeguy
12-20-2010, 11:15 AM
Seriously.
I am getting ready to leave here for vacation up to my in-laws. For the life of me, I cannot stand my wife's sister. She is a total selfish annoying bitch. The mere thought of here, or when i see her number on caller-ID instantly pisses me off.

So now that I have to deal with her for about 5 days at my in-laws for the holidays, I am trying to not get into a foul mood. It is really hard not to though.

Any thoughts and tips?

Oh ya, I have already considered ANTI-FREEZE!. :D

tooge
12-20-2010, 11:16 AM
Is she hot? at all I mean.

rad
12-20-2010, 11:18 AM
PIIHB

Just Passin' By
12-20-2010, 11:18 AM
PIIHB, then use her dress to clean off. :thumb:

Frosty
12-20-2010, 11:19 AM
PIIHB, then use her hair to clean off. :thumb:

FYP

Phobia
12-20-2010, 11:22 AM
If you value your marriage at all, you should suck it up and try to be nice. I've been there with my sister-in-law. She has done some pretty despicable things over the years and I don't have a lot of respect for her. That having been said, I've found the things I do like about her and focus on them. For instance, when she's not brooding and moody she actually has a delightful sense of humor. She loves my daughter and my wife. So those things are enough for me to tolerate her.

Norman Einstein
12-20-2010, 11:24 AM
Just show her your dick on the first day. When she comes around again go for your zipper. She'll probably go screaming into the night.

If you can't do that you probably ought to follow Phobia's advice.

I've never had that problem, my SIL is great. Actually all of my in-laws are/were great.

kaplin42
12-20-2010, 11:25 AM
Obligatory Antifreeze comment here

Rausch
12-20-2010, 11:27 AM
Ipecac cocktail...

Mr. Plow
12-20-2010, 11:27 AM
I get out of Xmas at the in-laws this year. Gonna be a good Xmas.

58-4ever
12-20-2010, 11:29 AM
Jizz in her shampoo. That should hold you over for at least two days.

bluehawkdoc
12-20-2010, 11:29 AM
Insulin after getting her drunk should do the job...

Claynus
12-20-2010, 11:29 AM
You're going to have to be more specific. What does she do to annoy you personally?

salame
12-20-2010, 11:30 AM
you have to tap that ass

Frosty
12-20-2010, 11:31 AM
If you value your marriage at all, you should suck it up and try to be nice. I've been there with my sister-in-law. She has done some pretty despicable things over the years and I don't have a lot of respect for her. That having been said, I've found the things I do like about her and focus on them. For instance, when she's not brooding and moody she actually has a delightful sense of humor. She loves my daughter and my wife. So those things are enough for me to tolerate her.

This.

I put up with my wife's weird family because she puts up with mine. :)

tooge
12-20-2010, 11:32 AM
Actually, my sister in law is very annoying as well. I usually bring a 32oz cup full of vodka to holiday gatherings she will be at and get drunk to deal with her. Try that. Or, what Phobia said.

Omaha
12-20-2010, 11:33 AM
ROFLPIIHB

Omaha
12-20-2010, 11:42 AM
I'm in the same boat, dude. It sucks. I just have to strive to be the bigger person. I try to avoid her, but I keep it very polite & brief when I can't. I have to constantly remind myself that I don't give a shit about that bitch and she'll soon be out of sight & out of mind. My wife usually recognizes that he sis is a huge pain in the ass so she really loves that I'm never in there mixing it up with her. Just knowing that I'll get rewarded later for good behavior helps me keep my eye on the prize and my mouth shut.

raybec 4
12-20-2010, 11:49 AM
with the exception of my brother my entire family is fucked up. My wife is the one who tolerates the ass holes and the whack jobs when she comes to family stuff. She's awesome.

LaChapelle
12-20-2010, 11:53 AM
Cold turkey on the caffine

blaise
12-20-2010, 11:58 AM
I think ignoring people is pretty easy. If they say something you don't like, just pretend you didn't even hear them. What do I care if they want to be a douche for the weekend? Be a douche.

Phobia
12-20-2010, 12:01 PM
Just knowing that I'll get rewarded later for good behavior helps me keep my eye on the prize and my mouth shut.

Heh. True. I've been trying to work the "sisters" fantasy thing for a lot of years because my sil is almost as hot as my wife. So far neither are going for it but I haven't given up hope yet.

Norman Einstein
12-20-2010, 12:02 PM
Heh. True. I've been trying to work the "sisters" fantasy thing for a lot of years because my sil is almost as hot as my wife. So far neither are going for it but I haven't given up hope yet.

Regarding the sisters thing, 1 + 1 = 0

If you like what you got and it ain't broke don't **** with it.

Phobia
12-20-2010, 12:04 PM
Regarding the sisters thing, 1 + 1 = 0

If you like what you got and it ain't broke don't **** with it.

Then they're just going to have to find another set of hot sisters for my bucket list.

DMAC
12-20-2010, 12:06 PM
Get drunk.

Omaha
12-20-2010, 12:09 PM
Get drunk.


I thought this went without saying....

teedubya
12-20-2010, 12:26 PM
Heh. True. I've been trying to work the "sisters" fantasy thing for a lot of years because my sil is almost as hot as my wife. So far neither are going for it but I haven't given up hope yet.

My sister in law is 5'11 and has a model's body... and I'd try to PIITB, but she would tell my wife. Bitch.

Phobia
12-20-2010, 12:37 PM
My sister in law is 5'11 and has a model's body... and I'd try to PIITB, but she would tell my wife. Bitch.

Mine isn't bad and I posted a pic. Where's yours?

Norman Einstein
12-20-2010, 12:38 PM
Then they're just going to have to find another set of hot sisters for my bucket list.

That would be wise in one respect and dumb in another. Seems the one you have locked up is OK. Anything to wreck that might tend to indicate ...

well, you know what it would indicate.

PunkinDrublic
12-20-2010, 12:49 PM
Wait till she's alone and in bed at night. Sneak into her bedroom and put your hand over her mouth so she can't scream and whisper into her ear "If you push me too far this weekend I will fucking kill you!" Don't forget to hold a knife to her throat to emphasize that you mean business.

CoMoChief
12-20-2010, 12:50 PM
TWAT
PUNCH


that is all...

loochy
12-20-2010, 12:52 PM
TWAT
PUNCH


that is all...

Dude that's a good way to lose a hand. Don't joke about that.

mlyonsd
12-20-2010, 01:03 PM
We're heading to Captiva Island in Florida for 5 days this summer for my father in law's 80th birthday. That island is only reachable by boat, helicopter, or swimming. My wife has three sisters and we're all going to live in two adjacent houses.

Two of the sisters are annoying as hell. Did I mention the only way off the island is boat, helicoptor, or swimming?

So I will be using this thread for ideas as well.

Phobia
12-20-2010, 01:09 PM
We're heading to Captiva Island in Florida for 5 days this summer for my father in law's 80th birthday. That island is only reachable by boat, helicopter, or swimming. My wife has three sisters and we're all going to live in two adjacent houses.

Two of the sisters are annoying as hell. Did I mention the only way off the island is boat, helicoptor, or swimming?

So I will be using this thread for ideas as well.

In your case, I recommend either drowning 2 sisters or drowning an old ugly guy.

Omaha
12-20-2010, 01:09 PM
TWAT
PUNCH


that is all...

ROFLROFLROFLROFL

tooge
12-20-2010, 01:14 PM
We're heading to Captiva Island in Florida for 5 days this summer for my father in law's 80th birthday. That island is only reachable by boat, helicopter, or swimming. My wife has three sisters and we're all going to live in two adjacent houses.

Two of the sisters are annoying as hell. Did I mention the only way off the island is boat, helicoptor, or swimming?

So I will be using this thread for ideas as well.

thats easy. Take them fishing. "it could have been you Fredo"

Hog Farmer
12-20-2010, 01:16 PM
If you value your marriage at all, you should suck it up and try to be nice. I've been there with my sister-in-law. She has done some pretty despicable things over the years and I don't have a lot of respect for her. That having been said, I've found the things I do like about her and focus on them. For instance, when she's not brooding and moody she actually has a delightful sense of humor. She loves my daughter and my wife. So those things are enough for me to tolerate her.


That's Ghey. I go with PIIHB.

Hoover
12-20-2010, 01:21 PM
I have a similar problem as I will be housing my wife's brother and his wife this holiday season. Here is how I plan to attack it.

1. Set the ground rules early.

This is my effin house and I'm not going to act differently because you happen to be here. I plan to stick to my routine.

2. Be willing to be the a$$hole.

I make a living off of being a political operative, I really don't want to get in a effin political debate over the holidays. So if you bring that $hit, I'm going in for the kill. When I get sick of this shit, I'm just going to tell you then ignore what's going on in my house. I will probably begin watching the 1500 episodes of the Family Guy that I have on my DVR. This is me giving in, they are blasting conservatives and I find it funny. If you're still a dick its your own problem.

3. My House/My Perks

Damn right I'm not going to share my expensive scotch and whisky with you. I'm also not going to tell you where I keep the can of mixed nuts.

4. If you want me cook you breakfast you need to be up when I'm in the kitchen

Sorry, this isn't a restaurant. If I'm the only one up I'm cooking something for just me and my wife. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll probably go out and get me something to eat like some casey's breakfast pizza. Then I'm going to drive through starbucks for some expensive coffee. I hate that shit, but it will be worth seeing you all envious of my cup of joe. Enjoy the crap in my coffee pot.

5. Get a start on the news years resolution

Yeah, I'm that guy. I really love peace an quiet so the holidays are not my bag. The dog and I will probably go for some nice long walks. If the weather is bad I'll be on the treadmill with my ipod. My wife is always a good cover for me, she just says, "yeah, he really gets serious about working out in the winter months. "

6. I've got work to do.

I'm never afraid of doing work on the holidays. Now I'll be social on Christmas Eve and Christmas, but that's it. If you make it impossible for me to watch a football game, I'll be in my office "working" and watching my TV in there.

Demonpenz
12-20-2010, 01:29 PM
Remember that it is Jesus season, if you say something mean on accident clean your side of the street and say you are sorry. IT IS JESUS SEASON

Lonewolf Ed
12-20-2010, 01:30 PM
You can try one of two things, or both...

One, stand silent, glaring with eyes wide open, pointing your index finger at her and make your body shake a bit, and breathe audibly.

Two, smile and say, "How have you been? Say, the weight looks good on you!"

Either way, she will know that you hate her. Now if you don't want the wife to get all mad and stressed over being caught in the middle of yet another family disfunction, ignore her entirely. Wimmens hate being ignored, but she may get introspective and wonder what she has done. So, it might not be all your fault if you ignore her and set her off.

Claynus
12-20-2010, 01:30 PM
I have a similar problem as I will be housing my wife's brother and his wife this holiday season. Here is how I plan to attack it.

1. Set the ground rules early.

This is my effin house and I'm not going to act differently because you happen to be here. I plan to stick to my routine.

2. Be willing to be the a$$hole.

I make a living off of being a political operative, I really don't want to get in a effin political debate over the holidays. So if you bring that $hit, I'm going in for the kill. When I get sick of this shit, I'm just going to tell you then ignore what's going on in my house. I will probably begin watching the 1500 episodes of the Family Guy that I have on my DVR. This is me giving in, they are blasting conservatives and I find it funny. If you're still a dick its your own problem.

3. My House/My Perks

Damn right I'm not going to share my expensive scotch and whisky with you. I'm also not going to tell you where I keep the can of mixed nuts.

4. If you want me cook you breakfast you need to be up when I'm in the kitchen

Sorry, this isn't a restaurant. If I'm the only one up I'm cooking something for just me and my wife. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll probably go out and get me something to eat like some casey's breakfast pizza. Then I'm going to drive through starbucks for some expensive coffee. I hate that shit, but it will be worth seeing you all envious of my cup of joe. Enjoy the crap in my coffee pot.

5. Get a start on the news years resolution

Yeah, I'm that guy. I really love peace an quiet so the holidays are not my bag. The dog and I will probably go for some nice long walks. If the weather is bad I'll be on the treadmill with my ipod. My wife is always a good cover for me, she just says, "yeah, he really gets serious about working out in the winter months. "

6. I've got work to do.

I'm never afraid of doing work on the holidays. Now I'll be social on Christmas Eve and Christmas, but that's it. If you make it impossible for me to watch a football game, I'll be in my office "working" and watching my TV in there.

Here's the first man in the thread.

MOhillbilly
12-20-2010, 01:32 PM
Here's the first man in the thread.

how would you know?

Norman Einstein
12-20-2010, 01:33 PM
Here's the first man in the thread.:rolleyes: You seem to be laboring under the delusion that your opinion means something.

raybec 4
12-20-2010, 01:36 PM
Here's the first man in the thread.

That oughta be a dead giveaway that you're fuckin it up

Claynus
12-20-2010, 01:40 PM
Hoover knows what's up.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_JDF20fmuhLY/TQjaRUXcpuI/AAAAAAAAB6Q/QP0vcAvMdLY/S1600-R/No%2BMaam.jpg

booger
12-20-2010, 01:43 PM
Mine isn't bad and I posted a pic. Where's yours?

Single?

:D

Frosty
12-20-2010, 01:47 PM
I have a similar problem as I will be housing my wife's brother and his wife this holiday season. Here is how I plan to attack it.

Somewhere, Hoover's BIL is posting about how to deal with his sister's husband over the holidays.

:D

Pants
12-20-2010, 01:48 PM
I have a similar problem as I will be housing my wife's brother and his wife this holiday season. Here is how I plan to attack it.

1. Set the ground rules early.

This is my effin house and I'm not going to act differently because you happen to be here. I plan to stick to my routine.

2. Be willing to be the a$$hole.

I make a living off of being a political operative, I really don't want to get in a effin political debate over the holidays. So if you bring that $hit, I'm going in for the kill. When I get sick of this shit, I'm just going to tell you then ignore what's going on in my house. I will probably begin watching the 1500 episodes of the Family Guy that I have on my DVR. This is me giving in, they are blasting conservatives and I find it funny. If you're still a dick its your own problem.

3. My House/My Perks

Damn right I'm not going to share my expensive scotch and whisky with you. I'm also not going to tell you where I keep the can of mixed nuts.

4. If you want me cook you breakfast you need to be up when I'm in the kitchen

Sorry, this isn't a restaurant. If I'm the only one up I'm cooking something for just me and my wife. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll probably go out and get me something to eat like some casey's breakfast pizza. Then I'm going to drive through starbucks for some expensive coffee. I hate that shit, but it will be worth seeing you all envious of my cup of joe. Enjoy the crap in my coffee pot.

5. Get a start on the news years resolution

Yeah, I'm that guy. I really love peace an quiet so the holidays are not my bag. The dog and I will probably go for some nice long walks. If the weather is bad I'll be on the treadmill with my ipod. My wife is always a good cover for me, she just says, "yeah, he really gets serious about working out in the winter months. "

6. I've got work to do.

I'm never afraid of doing work on the holidays. Now I'll be social on Christmas Eve and Christmas, but that's it. If you make it impossible for me to watch a football game, I'll be in my office "working" and watching my TV in there.

Obviously the word 'hospitality' is not one you're familiar with.

JD10367
12-20-2010, 01:48 PM
PIIHB, then use her dress to clean off. :thumb:



PIIHB, then use her hair to clean off. :thumb:

FYP

PIIHB, then use her mouth to clean off. :thumb:

FYP

Fritz88
12-20-2010, 01:57 PM
I would put up with her for the sake of my wife.

Chiefnj2
12-20-2010, 02:01 PM
Obviously the word 'hospitality' is not one you're familiar with.

Hoover is the perfect in-law. If you sleep late, you'll never see him and you can help to yourself to whatever you want in the house since he's locked up in his office or on a long walk.

booger
12-20-2010, 02:02 PM
get some of these if antifreeze isn't an option.

Hoover
12-20-2010, 02:06 PM
Hoover is the perfect in-law. If you sleep late, you'll never see him and you can help to yourself to whatever you want in the house since he's locked up in his office or on a long walk.
BINGO

HemiEd
12-20-2010, 02:10 PM
Somewhere, Hoover's BIL is posting about how to deal with his sister's husband over the holidays.

:D

That was my first thought, bet he is really looking forward to the visit. ROFL

Extra Point
12-20-2010, 02:12 PM
I would put up with her for the sake of my wife.

:spock: You'll have to. The trip home and your wife's MaryLu Henner-like recall will catch up and pitbull your ass, if you don't.

InChiefsHell
12-20-2010, 02:17 PM
I dunno, my in-laws are for the most part pretty tolerable. Of course, I've been around them for 23 years, so nobody really messes with me anyway. There are a few who I only see at the holidays, and while I can totally do without them, I just pour a little more rum in my hot spicy apple cider, smile, and watch football if a problem arises.

Seriously, try not hating her. Just be nice, smile at her, say "what's up?" and then move away towards the liquor cabinet. It works for me, and after awhile, they quit seeming so bitch-like.

Garcia Bronco
12-20-2010, 02:25 PM
Seriously.
I am getting ready to leave here for vacation up to my in-laws. For the life of me, I cannot stand my wife's sister. She is a total selfish annoying bitch. The mere thought of here, or when i see her number on caller-ID instantly pisses me off.

So now that I have to deal with her for about 5 days at my in-laws for the holidays, I am trying to not get into a foul mood. It is really hard not to though.

Any thoughts and tips?

Oh ya, I have already considered ANTI-FREEZE!. :D


Dude...put her on a pay-no-mind list. This shouldn't be hard...to be married to an American Woman you have to have no opinion on anything, anyway.

Hoover
12-20-2010, 02:29 PM
That was my first thought, bet he is really looking forward to the visit. ROFL


And I could care less.

If I had my way I would take my wife and fly someplace warm. I'm a good sport, I may not let these people into my whisky cabinet, but I do know how to entertain.

If they would rather spend $100 bucks a night on a hotel instead of staying at my house where they have their own bedroom and bathroom that fine.

I also put on one hell of spread on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. For Christmas I basically do two different meals. I go all out, use great ingredients, and spare no expense.

Christmas this year is Turkey and Beef Wellington
I will roast some yukon golds in the oven, as well as make a potato and onion gratin.
wild rice stuffing
glazed carrots with bacon and pecans
creamed corn with leaks
Green beans with almonds
Salad with cranberry vinaigrette.
And I always go buy some great bread and wine.

Christmas Eve is more laid back. This year is Beef Stew and French Onion Soup, manicotti, shrimp scampi, and lots of other things.

I'm a great host for the two days, then I want some peace and quiet. I don't think thats being unreasonable at all. I'm just not going to let them drink my Woodford Reserve. :)

Garcia Bronco
12-20-2010, 02:31 PM
And I could care less.

If I had my way I would take my wife and fly someplace warm. I'm a good sport, I may not let these people into my whisky cabinet, but I do know how to entertain.

If they would rather spend $100 bucks a night on a hotel instead of staying at my house where they have their own bedroom and bathroom that fine.

I also put on one hell of spread on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. For Christmas I basically do two different meals. I go all out, use great ingredients, and spare no expense.

Christmas this year is Turkey and Beef Wellington
I will roast some yukon golds in the oven, as well as make a potato and onion gratin.
wild rice stuffing
glazed carrots with bacon and pecans
creamed corn with leaks
Green beans with almonds
Salad with cranberry vinaigrette.
And I always go buy some great bread and wine.

Christmas Eve is more laid back. This year is Beef Stew and French Onion Soup, manicotti, shrimp scampi, and lots of other things.

I'm a great host for the two days, then I want some peace and quiet. I don't think thats being unreasonable at all. I'm just not going to let them drink my Woodford Reserve. :)

See...you'd want me as your brother-in-law. There is no way I'd let some asshole bash cons in your house. I'd bring the expensive scotch and I'd make you fuckin breakfast.

WebGem
12-20-2010, 02:34 PM
If the Chiefs have a bad play vs the Titans, just take all your anger out on her. If you kill her, make it look accidental so you don't get in trouble. And life will go on.

Omaha
12-20-2010, 02:36 PM
If the Chiefs have a bad play vs the Titans, just take all your anger out on her. If you kill her, make it look accidental so you don't get in trouble. And life will go on.

Best advice ever.

Hoover
12-20-2010, 02:39 PM
See...you'd want me as your brother-in-law. There is no way I'd let some asshole bash cons in your house. I'd bring the expensive scotch and I'd make you fuckin breakfast.
See you figured it out in 10 seconds but my BIL and his wife just can't help themselves. The second they walk in the door they will mention Obama. It will go like this.

The Hoovers: Hey, glad you got here safe.

Them: Yeah, hell of a drive, traffic in STL was bad.

The Hoover: Well we are glad you got here in one piece.

Them: Nice place you have, I guess not everybody is struggling in this bad economy. you should thank Obama that you could build a house like this.

Me: FU, I'll be in my office.

WebGem
12-20-2010, 02:41 PM
On a more serious note, I'd probably just be as nice as possible. If you only have to deal with her 5-10 days out of the year and you're nice it shouldn't be THAT bad and it'd probably pay off somehow.

Dayze
12-20-2010, 02:42 PM
See you figured it out in 10 seconds but my BIL and his wife just can't help themselves. The second they walk in the door they will mention Obama. It will go like this.

The Hoovers: Hey, glad you got here safe.

Them: Yeah, hell of a drive, traffic in STL was bad.

The Hoover: Well we are glad you got here in one piece.

Them: Nice place you have, I guess not everybody is struggling in this bad economy. you should thank Obama that you could build a house like this.

Me: FU, I'll be in my office.

LMAO

HemiEd
12-20-2010, 02:45 PM
And I could care less.

If I had my way I would take my wife and fly someplace warm. I'm a good sport, I may not let these people into my whisky cabinet, but I do know how to entertain.

If they would rather spend $100 bucks a night on a hotel instead of staying at my house where they have their own bedroom and bathroom that fine.

I also put on one hell of spread on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. For Christmas I basically do two different meals. I go all out, use great ingredients, and spare no expense.

Christmas this year is Turkey and Beef Wellington
I will roast some yukon golds in the oven, as well as make a potato and onion gratin.
wild rice stuffing
glazed carrots with bacon and pecans
creamed corn with leaks
Green beans with almonds
Salad with cranberry vinaigrette.
And I always go buy some great bread and wine.

Christmas Eve is more laid back. This year is Beef Stew and French Onion Soup, manicotti, shrimp scampi, and lots of other things.

I'm a great host for the two days, then I want some peace and quiet. I don't think thats being unreasonable at all. I'm just not going to let them drink my Woodford Reserve. :)

Ok, I am in, just need the address!

Buehler445
12-20-2010, 02:45 PM
See you figured it out in 10 seconds but my BIL and his wife just can't help themselves. The second they walk in the door they will mention Obama. It will go like this.

The Hoovers: Hey, glad you got here safe.

Them: Yeah, hell of a drive, traffic in STL was bad.

The Hoover: Well we are glad you got here in one piece.

Them: Nice place you have, I guess not everybody is struggling in this bad economy. you should thank Obama that you could build a house like this.

Me: FU, I'll be in my office.

LOL. If I ever make it to your place I'll be a good guest.
Posted via Mobile Device

Buehler445
12-20-2010, 02:50 PM
My wife has 4 sisters and 0 brothers. Needless to say, the place is testosterone deficient. They can't help themselves, they have to get all worked up and be dramatic. I just find a quiet place out of the line of fire and see about hanging out with a niece or nephew or other in law in hiding. The objective is hunker down and survive.

Don't get me wrong. The in-laws are all-in-all pretty good, but if the drama starts, take cover.
Posted via Mobile Device

Donger
12-20-2010, 02:51 PM
One of my SiLs hates me. She says that I'm arrogant and argumentative. So, I usually challenge her to a spelling contest.

Claynus
12-20-2010, 02:56 PM
See you figured it out in 10 seconds but my BIL and his wife just can't help themselves. The second they walk in the door they will mention Obama. It will go like this.

The Hoovers: Hey, glad you got here safe.

Them: Yeah, hell of a drive, traffic in STL was bad.

The Hoover: Well we are glad you got here in one piece.

Them: Nice place you have, I guess not everybody is struggling in this bad economy. you should thank Obama that you could build a house like this.

Me: FU, I'll be in my office.

You should leave copies of Maclean's lying around.

http://i35.tinypic.com/4g2qom.jpg

Hoover
12-20-2010, 03:05 PM
I actually publish my own magazine, the covers on the wall in the guest bathroom.

LOL

Chocolate Hog
12-20-2010, 03:07 PM
Hate Fuck.

jspchief
12-20-2010, 03:23 PM
Ass pennies

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Hog Farmer
12-20-2010, 03:32 PM
HahAHa ! What a bunch of losers. All my wifes family is dead. All of them.

Pants
12-20-2010, 03:33 PM
HahAHa ! What a bunch of losers. All my wifes family is dead. All of them.

Did you have the pigs take care of the evidence?

Hog Farmer
12-20-2010, 03:37 PM
Did you have the pigs take care of the evidence?

They we're already all dead when I married the bitch. Oh, and a piece of advice...... If you marry somebody that has a dead family they're not very nice for very long.

Pants
12-20-2010, 03:38 PM
They we're already all dead when I married the bitch. Oh, and a piece of advice...... If you marry somebody that has a dead family they're not very nice for very long.

lmao

Omaha
12-20-2010, 03:41 PM
HahAHa ! What a bunch of losers. All my wifes family is dead. All of them.

Did you remember to make it look accidental so you didn't get in trouble?

Brock
12-20-2010, 03:48 PM
Hate Fuck.

beat me to it.

Frazod
12-20-2010, 06:00 PM
They we're already all dead when I married the bitch. Oh, and a piece of advice...... If you marry somebody that has a dead family they're not very nice for very long.

It might not have anything to do with her family....

Frazod
12-20-2010, 06:02 PM
My advice? Don't fucking go.

If you're going to be miserable, and as a side effect make everybody else miserable, why bother? I assume your wife knows her sister is a rotten bitch. Tell her your Christmas present will be the peace your absence will bring. Stay home and enjoy a few days of that blissful silence only a married man can appreciate.

rad
12-20-2010, 06:07 PM
My advice? Don't ****ing go.

If you're going to be miserable, and as a side effect make everybody else miserable, why bother? I assume your wife knows her sister is a rotten bitch. Tell her your Christmas present will be the peace your absence will bring. Stay home and enjoy a few days of that blissful silence only a married man can appreciate.

Couch cushion fort FTW!!!

Brock
12-20-2010, 06:09 PM
It might not have anything to do with her family....

ROFL

DeezNutz
12-20-2010, 06:10 PM
Bourbon. Neat.

Over-Head
12-20-2010, 06:16 PM
Bourbon. Neat.
THIS...and repeat as often as necessary.
Had 3 former sil`s from first marrige, liked 1, tolerated 1, made a habit to tell the other f I throw a stick will you go`every time we met.

JD10367
12-20-2010, 06:20 PM
My in-laws adore me. Hot tip: make sure to marry a woman whose previous long-term relationship was with a supreme loser asshole. If you do so, the fact that you're only a tiny loser asshole will vanish. I swear, I could've met the in-laws with blood on my shirt and a knife covered in bits of human flesh, and they still would've thought I was an improvement.

Also, another tip: family is best kept at least two states away. :thumb:

Frazod
12-20-2010, 07:01 PM
Also, another tip: family is best kept at least two states away. :thumb:

My inlaws are about 30 miles away (we're west Chicago suburbs, they're northwest Chicago suburbs) - close enough that it's not a big deal to go to their house and we never have to spend the night there. The wife and I have been married/lived together for 13 years, and I've never spent a night in that house and never intend to, either. But they're far enough away that they don't visit often, and never drop by unannounced. That's a pretty good deal for me.

Bill Parcells
12-20-2010, 07:03 PM
My inlaws are about 30 miles away (we're west Chicago suburbs, they're northwest Chicago suburbs) - close enough that it's not a big deal to go to their house and we never have to spend the night there. The wife and I have been married/lived together for 13 years, and I've never spent a night in that house and never intend to, either. But they're far enough away that they don't visit often, and never drop by unannounced. That's a pretty good deal for me.

Didn't you get haunted by an old ancestor sister in law at some old house one time? terrifying story from what I remember :evil:

Frazod
12-20-2010, 07:07 PM
Didn't you get haunted by an old ancestor sister in law at some old house one time? terrifying story from what I remember :evil:

I'm no relation to the Major that I know of. I assume that if I was, while the prick was pacing back and forth in the next room he might have popped in and identified himself as my long lost dead uncle. :D

Gonzo
12-20-2010, 07:18 PM
Whenever we go to Wichita to see the wife's parents, her brother's wife comes around. This bitch is my arch nemesis. I have to say that she's the only person I've truly hated in my entire life. I have literally fantasized about her getting into a terrible accident.
There's a long history there. She's one of those people with a 85 IQ and a superiority complex. Her husband was my best friend for a long time but of course, that all ended once he got married. So yeah, I know what you're going through man. Good luck.
Posted via Mobile Device

Iowanian
12-20-2010, 07:24 PM
I doubt they will screw with you, I mean, you have literally buried a man in your front yard this year.

I like my inlaws, but I'm fixing their wagon....I bought a Cousin Eddie Christmas morning outfit I'm rolling into grandma's Christmas with this weekend.

I have a similar problem as I will be housing my wife's brother and his wife this holiday season. Here is how I plan to attack it.

1. Set the ground rules early.

This is my effin house and I'm not going to act differently because you happen to be here. I plan to stick to my routine.

2. Be willing to be the a$$hole.

I make a living off of being a political operative, I really don't want to get in a effin political debate over the holidays. So if you bring that $hit, I'm going in for the kill. When I get sick of this shit, I'm just going to tell you then ignore what's going on in my house. I will probably begin watching the 1500 episodes of the Family Guy that I have on my DVR. This is me giving in, they are blasting conservatives and I find it funny. If you're still a dick its your own problem.

3. My House/My Perks

Damn right I'm not going to share my expensive scotch and whisky with you. I'm also not going to tell you where I keep the can of mixed nuts.

4. If you want me cook you breakfast you need to be up when I'm in the kitchen

Sorry, this isn't a restaurant. If I'm the only one up I'm cooking something for just me and my wife. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll probably go out and get me something to eat like some casey's breakfast pizza. Then I'm going to drive through starbucks for some expensive coffee. I hate that shit, but it will be worth seeing you all envious of my cup of joe. Enjoy the crap in my coffee pot.

5. Get a start on the news years resolution

Yeah, I'm that guy. I really love peace an quiet so the holidays are not my bag. The dog and I will probably go for some nice long walks. If the weather is bad I'll be on the treadmill with my ipod. My wife is always a good cover for me, she just says, "yeah, he really gets serious about working out in the winter months. "

6. I've got work to do.

I'm never afraid of doing work on the holidays. Now I'll be social on Christmas Eve and Christmas, but that's it. If you make it impossible for me to watch a football game, I'll be in my office "working" and watching my TV in there.

Frazod
12-20-2010, 07:35 PM
This reminds me of the shit my former neighbor used to have to go through with his MIL.

He and his wife had a unit identical to mine - two bedrooms upstairs with a basement. They partially finished the basement, so that's where Matt had his Man Cave. The second bedroom was converted into an office, with a big desk that took up most of the room and precluded putting any sort of bed in it. Well the wife, Angie, had a very annoying mother. Nice enough when I'd meet her here and there, but as a MIL, fuck, I don't even want to think about it. Whiny, sappy, stupid and loud. Traveled sometimes with her husband, but ALWAYS with her nasty little poodle-ish rat dog. Because she didn't work, she'd stay for as long as she wanted. Angie was was real momma's girl and very bitchy about it, and Matt was too much of a non-confrontational wimp to put his foot down, so the MIL would be there anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks, OFTEN. Of course, she slept in the basement, and while visting her shit was all over that room, so the whole time she was there, and he was being tormented, his Man Cave was off limits - no escape from the madness. I don't know how he endured it as long as he did, but it was a major factor in his leaving her. Personally, I'd have murdered both of them and shoved the fucking rat dog in the microwave.

Gadzooks
12-20-2010, 08:08 PM
You take the good, you take the bad...

Gadzooks
12-20-2010, 08:08 PM
You take them both and there you have...

Sully
12-20-2010, 08:09 PM
I think my Bil and SiL will keep me from quitting smoking. My parents-in-law are great. Actually some of my best friends in the world.
But my wife's sister and her husband drive me nuts. Her sister is nice, smart, and decent to talk to... And then at the drop of a hat turns into a raving lunatic (when she's off her meds). Her husband is basically a deplorable human being.

So we have a decent rhythm worked out. Alternate rooms, they take their smoke break, then I take mine.

A four hour gathering will see us in a room together about 15 minutes.


Sent from my Cuisinart using Tapatalk

Gadzooks
12-20-2010, 08:10 PM
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Gadzooks
12-20-2010, 08:12 PM
Damn you Sully:cuss: You interrupted the Facts of Life!!!

BucEyedPea
12-20-2010, 08:31 PM
If you value your marriage at all, you should suck it up and try to be nice. I've been there with my sister-in-law. She has done some pretty despicable things over the years and I don't have a lot of respect for her. That having been said, I've found the things I do like about her and focus on them. For instance, when she's not brooding and moody she actually has a delightful sense of humor. She loves my daughter and my wife. So those things are enough for me to tolerate her.

I was gonna say try to find something likeable. No one is all bad even if they're pretty bad. Better to change your reaction to her and focus on what is positive. Because if not, it's gonna show. It's not worth it.

gman1220
12-20-2010, 08:46 PM
just jack it to his picture continiously tell no more cums out if cha know what i meen trust me i heard it should work from a very reliable friendly so ya its woth a shot so good luck bra

Ralphy Boy
12-20-2010, 08:55 PM
My wife's fatass half sister is a worthless POS. Countless jobs she doesn't hold onto and has stolen from all of us, so we really never want her around. We don't bad mouth her in front of our kids, but there is no love lost. The wife could do without her, but the MIL, who is cool, wants her around.

The wife is pretty hard on her, so I don't have to be. I don't stir it up, and there are enough people around that I don't have to be alone with her very often. Either way, my advice is smile and be nice. Its the holidays and people make it hard on themselves when they get pissed about little things this time of year. Her problems aren't yours. Be the bigger man and turn the other cheek. Be happy that she'll be leaving soon.

GloryDayz
12-20-2010, 09:12 PM
Sleep with her, PIIHB, and tell her it's YOUR house! Then go the Dirty Sanchez route.. If she stays, she's a keeper and you were wrong...

Huffman83
12-21-2010, 08:57 AM
My wife has 4 sisters and 0 brothers. Needless to say, the place is testosterone deficient. They can't help themselves, they have to get all worked up and be dramatic. I just find a quiet place out of the line of fire and see about hanging out with a niece or nephew or other in law in hiding. The objective is hunker down and survive.

Don't get me wrong. The in-laws are all-in-all pretty good, but if the drama starts, take cover.
Posted via Mobile Device

My mom comes from a house of 4 girls. They don't talk to each other much now since my grandfather died, but when they would all get together the volume of all of them got considerably louder after every hour. And this didn't involve alcohol at all!

The kids of the house would watch the anger develop, and go downstairs and or leave the house.

Nowadays my SIL is an amazingly stupid girl. In summary she's the kind of girl who would cheat on her boyfriend and then claim the guy she screwed raped her to get out of being in trouble w/ her current boyfriend.

The good news is she's afraid of me. But it's only because she's afraid of any opinion I could/have had of her. The wife's family doesn't exactly deal w/ each other in any type of confrontational way. If they have a problem w/ each other , they just suck it up and get bitter about things. I on the other hand...am a little more direct.

The wife goes out of her way to run interference w/ me and a lot of her family. Not because I get mad, but because they have a hard time hearing an opinion that goes against anything they believe. Even if it's just devils advocate type ideas.

InChiefsHell
12-21-2010, 12:16 PM
Couch cushion fort FTW!!!

This is GENIOUS!!!:thumb:

thecoffeeguy
12-21-2010, 02:26 PM
Is she hot? at all I mean.

No. A case of beer *might* do the trick.

PIIHB

ROFL

Just show her your dick on the first day. When she comes around again go for your zipper. She'll probably go screaming into the night.


:thumb:

I'm in the same boat, dude. It sucks. I just have to strive to be the bigger person. I try to avoid her, but I keep it very polite & brief when I can't. I have to constantly remind myself that I don't give a shit about that bitch and she'll soon be out of sight & out of mind. My wife usually recognizes that he sis is a huge pain in the ass so she really loves that I'm never in there mixing it up with her. Just knowing that I'll get rewarded later for good behavior helps me keep my eye on the prize and my mouth shut.

That is what I am going to have to do.

Get drunk.

Oh, if I would, I definitely would.

Wait till she's alone and in bed at night. Sneak into her bedroom and put your hand over her mouth so she can't scream and whisper into her ear "If you push me too far this weekend I will ****ing kill you!" Don't forget to hold a knife to her throat to emphasize that you mean business.

:clap:

I love the planet. Comments alone have made me laugh and forget about it. Funny enough, I am reading this thread while on the couch, the witch opposite me. So I am really getting a kick out of these responses, reading them, looking up at her, then laughing. She would ask "What is so funny?". All I would say is, "Just some awesomely funny stuff. You would not like it."

TWAT
PUNCH


that is all...

If the Chiefs have a bad play vs the Titans, just take all your anger out on her. If you kill her, make it look accidental so you don't get in trouble. And life will go on.

Awesome!.

My advice? Don't ****ing go.

If you're going to be miserable, and as a side effect make everybody else miserable, why bother? I assume your wife knows her sister is a rotten bitch. Tell her your Christmas present will be the peace your absence will bring. Stay home and enjoy a few days of that blissful silence only a married man can appreciate.

Just having to suck it up. I have until Monday, so doing my best to avoid her like the plague. Going to take my son out as often as I can so I can just stay the hell away from her. Figure I can tolerate meals and that is about it.

The Planet rocks!
Thanks everyone!

:thumb:

thecoffeeguy
12-22-2010, 09:46 AM
anyone know if the visine in the drink trick works, a la The Wedding Crashers?

Thinking of spicing up my Christmas a bit. ::snicker::

chiefsnorth
12-22-2010, 10:26 AM
anyone know if the visine in the drink trick works, a la The Wedding Crashers?

Thinking of spicing up my Christmas a bit. ::snicker::

DO NOT DO THIS! it is an urban legend! Ingesting Visene can cause death!

It does not cause diarrhea, it is a poison control center situation if ingested. Not to mention, tainting a drink for someone else's consumption is a felony.

Amnorix
12-22-2010, 10:32 AM
We're heading to Captiva Island in Florida for 5 days this summer for my father in law's 80th birthday. That island is only reachable by boat, helicopter, or swimming through shark-infested waters. My wife has three sisters and we're all going to live in two adjacent houses.

Two of the sisters are annoying as hell. Did I mention the only way off the island is boat, helicoptor, or swimming through shark-infested waters?

So I will be using this thread for ideas as well.


Just in case you're debating your alternatives while you're out there....

Norman Einstein
12-22-2010, 10:37 AM
DO NOT DO THIS! it is an urban legend! Ingesting Visene can cause death!

It does not cause diarrhea, it is a poison control center situation if ingested. Not to mention, tainting a drink for someone else's consumption is a felony.

Link on the visene?

Donger
12-22-2010, 10:44 AM
DO NOT DO THIS! it is an urban legend! Ingesting Visene can cause death!

It does not cause diarrhea, it is a poison control center situation if ingested. Not to mention, tainting a drink for someone else's consumption is a felony.

Yep.

notorious
12-22-2010, 10:57 AM
shoved the ****ing rat dog in the microwave.


FTW!

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chiefsnorth
12-22-2010, 11:03 AM
Link on the visene?

Google.com? The label that says "if ingested call poison control center"? It's HCl.

thecoffeeguy
12-22-2010, 11:19 AM
DO NOT DO THIS! it is an urban legend! Ingesting Visene can cause death!

It does not cause diarrhea, it is a poison control center situation if ingested. Not to mention, tainting a drink for someone else's consumption is a felony.

:eek:

Norman Einstein
12-22-2010, 11:26 AM
Google.com? The label that says "if ingested call poison control center"? It's HCl.

So this is where you found it? Why not do a little copy and paste?

http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/visine.asp

or

Link (http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/visine.asp)

Link (http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&hl=en&q=visine+in+drink&aq=0s&aqi=g-s2g-sx2g-o1&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&pbx=1&fp=9bef8cda26d1a6ec)

Not that I'm lazy or anything .. well who am I kidding? I'm lazy but it's easy to put a link up, why not do that right at the beginning?