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View Full Version : Funny Stuff Hughe Hefner is a dead fish


googlegoogle
01-01-2011, 02:02 AM
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/30/former-playmate-izabella-_n_802754.html



Former Playmate Izabella St. James Tells All About Sex With 'Dead Fish' Hugh

Hugh Hefner, 84, became engaged to Crystal Harris, 24, over the holidays. He may be a one-woman man now, but former Playmate Izabella St James revealed startling details about how he once treated his bevy of girlfriends in her memoir, excerpted in the Daily Mail.

Kendra Wilkinson has previously talked about each girl "hopping on" Hef for a one-minute ride, and another former Playmate, Jill Ann Spaulding, criticized his insistence on having unprotected sex.

Here are a few excerpts from Izabella's book, read more at the Daily Mail:

On the mess the dogs made in the house:
"They weren't house-trained and would just do their business on the bedroom carpet. Late at night, or in the early hours of the morning - if any of us visited Hef's bedroom - we'd almost always end up standing in dog mess. Everything in the Mansion felt old and stale, and Archie the house dog would regularly relieve himself on the hallway curtains, adding a powerful whiff of urine to the general scent of decay."

On the Playmates' weekly allowance:
"Every Friday morning we had to go to Hef's room, wait while he picked up all the dog poo off the carpet - and then ask for our allowance: a thousand dollars counted out in crisp hundred-dollar bills from a safe in one of his bookcases. We all hated this process. Hef would always use the occasion to bring up anything he wasn't happy about in the relationship. Most of the complaints were about the lack of harmony among the girlfriends - or your lack of sexual participation in the 'parties' he held in his bedroom."

On sex with Hef:
"I wanted to see if this experienced King of Sexdom knew anything the rest of us did not. But he just lay there like a dead fish. We often wondered why he did it at all. He must know deep down that it is just a show. But he is trying to live out this fantasy he has been selling to people since 1954."

KurtCobain
01-01-2011, 02:06 AM
She went on his old ass!

LaChapelle
01-01-2011, 09:20 AM
In his situation
if you didn't make him move then you failed
he can call up the best hookers in the world

Fairplay
01-01-2011, 09:27 AM
Quit complaining and take the money bitch.

Clean up that pile of poop on your way out.

Hog Farmer
01-01-2011, 09:28 AM
Heh, Hugh makes them walk thru dog shit before they get fucked. Hugh is God.

Baconeater
01-01-2011, 09:31 AM
On the Playmates' weekly allowance:
"Every Friday morning we had to go to Hef's room, wait while he picked up all the dog poo off the carpet - and then ask for our allowance: a thousand dollars counted out in crisp hundred-dollar bills from a safe in one of his bookcases. We all hated this process. Hef would always use the occasion to bring up anything he wasn't happy about in the relationship. Most of the complaints were about the lack of harmony among the girlfriends - or your lack of sexual participation in the 'parties' he held in his bedroom."Oh, this is rich. A very well-paid whore complaining about being treated like a whore.

58-4ever
01-01-2011, 09:35 AM
Oh, this is rich. A very well-paid whore complaining about being treated like a whore.

Yeah, no doubt. I hope she enjoys this two minutes of fame while Hef does the dead fish routine on another 24 year old.

Pioli Zombie
01-01-2011, 10:16 AM
Yeah I'm sure all the women went for Hugh because his personality and good looks. Wasn't the millions at all. Shut yer yapper, ya whore.

Mr. Laz
01-01-2011, 10:16 AM
i always figured that Hef made them sign a non-disclosure agreement about all that kind of stuff. I wonder if opening her mouth is going to cost her money instead of making it this time?

Pioli Zombie
01-01-2011, 10:19 AM
"Hugh, do you what I did. Fuck your grandaughter" - Morgan Freeman

KcMizzou
01-01-2011, 10:19 AM
Oh, this is rich. A very well-paid whore complaining about being treated like a whore.Yup.

REDHOTGTO
01-01-2011, 10:38 AM
Heh, Hugh makes them walk thru dog shit before they get ****ed. Hugh is God.

i say build a golden shrine for the one man who really controls beautiful women :thumb:

Demonpenz
01-01-2011, 10:54 AM
haters goin to hate

KcMizzou
01-01-2011, 10:57 AM
haters goin to hatehttp://static.pixelpipe.com/72935386-fd07-4553-8955-db2aa88b9fc5_b.jpg

Chiefs Pantalones
01-01-2011, 10:58 AM
http://static.pixelpipe.com/72935386-fd07-4553-8955-db2aa88b9fc5_b.jpg

ROFL

Gonzo
01-01-2011, 11:20 AM
"Hugh, do you what I did. Fuck your grandaughter" - Morgan Freeman

Hugh drank her milkshake. He drank it up!
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JD10367
01-01-2011, 11:35 AM
He's 84. What the fuck does she expect from him, handstands? Shit, when I hit that age, if it even moves slightly I'll be ecstatic. :shrug:

Gonzo
01-01-2011, 11:46 AM
He's 84. What the fuck does she expect from him, handstands? Shit, when I hit that age, if it even moves slightly I'll be ecstatic. :shrug:

This. I'm surprised he just lays there though. Physics dictate that at his age he'd just stand over her and drop it in.
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JD10367
01-01-2011, 11:49 AM
This. I'm surprised he just lays there though. Physics dictate that at his age he'd just stand over her and drop it in.
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Not sure he's got the size for that. Although, at the very least, if she lays on the floor and he shuffles over her in a standing position he can probably teabag her. :D

Gonzo
01-01-2011, 01:41 PM
Not sure he's got the size for that. Although, at the very least, if she lays on the floor and he shuffles over her in a standing position he can probably teabag her. :D
LMAO
Just got a visual of Hef moving his adult diaper to the side and unrolling his old, wrinkled balls.
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Rain Man
01-01-2011, 01:54 PM
I like the term "general scent of decay". I'm going to use it in the future to describe things like the Broncos and Al D a v i s.

And as for Hef, he's my hero in everything but dog training.