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Pushead2
01-04-2011, 07:55 AM
She's going for her PhD, it takes up a lot of her time & I felt a tad bit neglected. I know it's tough for her as it is but I told her how I felt. She told me in response that she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore.....

I'm still young & I've left a long relationship (4 years) before but this was different. She was more than my gf but my best friend too.....I was planning on proposing to her later this year but that's clearly out the window.

I'm getting 50/50 opinions from people on if I should just let her be & move on or fight for the girl I love / my best friend. She was all torn up hysterically crying last night when the conversation was going on.....Don't know, felt like I needed to air it out to a different crowd than my friends. What y'all think?

Over-Head
01-04-2011, 07:56 AM
first in with "Antifreeze" :p

Give it some time.
Ya know what they say "If you love it let it go,,if it comes back...."

suds79
01-04-2011, 08:00 AM
Hard to judge things right at this point. Probably thinking a lot of things given it was just yesterday.

My wife & I when we were dating broke up for a short time that feel like it was over for good. Finally wising up, I settled down and made the changes that needed to be made as we were at the time long distance. Begged her to give me another chance. Best move I ever made.

Unfortunately, sometimes you don't realize what you have until it's gone.

Good luck.

HMc
01-04-2011, 08:00 AM
cease contact initiation. If she texts you, don't write back for some hours. DONT apologise for the delay. If she calls, don't answer, and text back some hours later.

You have to be in demand, not supply.

Rukdafaidas
01-04-2011, 08:02 AM
first in with "Antifreeze" :p

Give it some time.
Ya know what they say "If you love it let it go,,if it comes back...."

This.
You both need some time away. You'll get back together if it's meant to be.l

HMc
01-04-2011, 08:02 AM
re: above poster - things are fundamentally different when you're married.

Do not, i repeat DO NOT, beg her to let you back. Act like you're peachy without her and she'll be begging you to take her back before you know it.

FAX
01-04-2011, 08:03 AM
Classic situation, Mr. Pushead2.

It's time for you to choose between your one true love and serial killing.

Seriously, it sounds like she feels pressured and backed away. Classic stuff. Here's what you do ... focus on yourself. Do all the right things you need to do ... for you. Do not cling ... this is very important ... clinging is bad. Real bad. Just focus on your life and what you can do to improve and take care of yourself. After awhile, things will work out. It won't take long. Girls fall in love with you for a reason ... give them a better reason.

FAX

KILLER_CLOWN
01-04-2011, 08:05 AM
Time to find someone new, i never bought into that i love you but i'm not in love with you. Sorry man but it's for the best you find another.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:09 AM
yeah I feel the working on myself part, I'm almost done with my college degree & I play in 3 hockey leagues including one that travels across the US & Canada on tournaments. So I am busy myself. I think the part that hurts the most for me is the best friend part. The routine of talking day & night, that gets to me. I'm on the road for a tournament in January, my alternate captain of my team is a single dude in his late 30s. So when I spoke to him last night he was saying that would be a good test for both y'all. Will she notice? Will she care you're away?

KC Jones
01-04-2011, 08:09 AM
fight for the girl I love / my best friend.

As many have already said, the only way you will be successful in this is to focus on yourself and prepare to move on. If you pursue her, it's over. If you try to move on, she'll likely pursue you and you have successfully 'fought' for her.

FAX
01-04-2011, 08:09 AM
I always think of relationships as having tension ... kind of like two people being connected by a rubber band like Kate Bush talks about.

When there's no tension, there's no fun ... or excitement. Thing is, if you want the girl to snap back closer to you, you have to lean back and create more tension. When you lean back enough, eventually she comes flying forward. Funny how that works.

FAX

Count Alex's Losses
01-04-2011, 08:10 AM
This means the Chiefs will win this weekend.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:10 AM
another thing is she has NO family here in NYC & very little friends....She's from Oklahoma but came here to go to NYU.

So the fact that she's willing to accept being VERY lonely is making me think it's over but at the same time thinking once she sees how lonely she will be she'll think twice.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:11 AM
As many have already said, the only way you will be successful in this is to focus on yourself and prepare to move on. If you pursue her, it's over. If you try to move on, she'll likely pursue you and you have successfully 'fought' for her.

Definitely, without a doubt 100% I will be focusing on myself. I'm not to wallow in self pity. I will move on & take care of things for myself.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:12 AM
This means the Chiefs will win this weekend.

I'll buy that for a $1

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:12 AM
I always think of relationships as having tension ... kind of like two people being connected by a rubber band like Kate Bush talks about.

When there's no tension, there's no fun ... or excitement. Thing is, if you want the girl to snap back closer to you, you have to lean back and create more tension. When you lean back enough, eventually she comes flying forward. Funny how that works.

FAX

I like that analogy, I hope that is the case. She's everything a guy could want in a female by my means.

HMc
01-04-2011, 08:13 AM
another thing is she has NO family here in NYC & very little friends....She's from Oklahoma but came here to go to NYU.

So the fact that she's willing to accept being VERY lonely is making me think it's over but at the same time thinking once she sees how lonely she will be she'll think twice.

chicks think about this shit differently - I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Like I (and everyone else) has said, create a perception that you're doing real well without her, and she'll want to come aboard again.

It's VERY difficult to do, but it's the way to do it.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:14 AM
As many have already said, the only way you will be successful in this is to focus on yourself and prepare to move on. If you pursue her, it's over. If you try to move on, she'll likely pursue you and you have successfully 'fought' for her.

I have to give her some stuff back she left at my place so I will see her this afternoon. I won't be begging to get back with her, but there are things I didn't say last night that I want to get off my chest.

FAX
01-04-2011, 08:14 AM
another thing is she has NO family here in NYC & very little friends....She's from Oklahoma but came here to go to NYU.

So the fact that she's willing to accept being VERY lonely is making me think it's over but at the same time thinking once she sees how lonely she will be she'll think twice.

All this talk about "her" is bad. Real bad.

Ask yourself this; if she were run over by a train and the doctors saved her life but put her together so she looks like a cross between a kangaroo and Ralph Waldo Emerson, would you care as much? I don't think so.

Imagine that she has been struck by a train. Mourn. Then focus on yourself.

FAX

FAX
01-04-2011, 08:15 AM
I like that analogy, I hope that is the case. She's everything a guy could want in a female by my means.

It's definitely the case. But you need to start now to process her out of your habitual thinking. Lean back.

FAX

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:15 AM
chicks think about this shit differently - I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Like I (and everyone else) has said, create a perception that you're doing real well without her, and she'll want to come aboard again.

It's VERY difficult to do, but it's the way to do it.

yeah it is, I kindheartedly agree. Once my travel team in late February starts playing in country wide tournaments again. It will be a lot easier.

Right now, 1 step/day at a time.

cookster50
01-04-2011, 08:16 AM
I always think of relationships as having tension ... kind of like two people being connected by a rubber band like Kate Bush talks about.

When there's no tension, there's no fun ... or excitement. Thing is, if you want the girl to snap back closer to you, you have to lean back and create more tension. When you lean back enough, eventually she comes flying forward. Funny how that works.

FAX

So, they should headbutt each other?

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:16 AM
It's definitely the case. But you need to start now to process her out of your habitual thinking. Lean back.

FAX

You're right, I had my time overnight to get it out. Now it's on to me.

Hoover
01-04-2011, 08:17 AM
"she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore....." means she wants to find a dude in grad school that has a similar career path.

This happened to me in college. I was dating this chick who was going to med school. All of a sudden little ole Hoover wasn't good enough for her. I was comfortable for her, but she couldn't see herself with some political hack.

She dropped out of med school, married a doctor, and seems pretty miserable now if you ask me. The political hack married a lawyer, created a successful fundraising business, and is now a publisher. Life is good, I can't imagine life with her.

Everything happens for a reason.

Frazod
01-04-2011, 08:17 AM
You're probably screwed. Don't call. Don't beg. Don't grovel. If she pulls that "I still want to be friends" crap, tell her to go get a dog. The last thing you want to do is end up being an emotional tampon for an ex who's fucking another guy and wondering why he can't be more like you.

She's already broke your heart - don't let her take your pride and dignity as well. There are worse things than being alone.

Good luck.

HMc
01-04-2011, 08:17 AM
yeah it is, I kindheartedly agree. Once my travel team in late February starts playing in country wide tournaments again. It will be a lot easier.

Right now, 1 step/day at a time.

to be honest, your sporting commitments are a godsend as they'll keep you busy.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:19 AM
You're probably screwed. Don't call. Don't beg. Don't grovel. If she pulls that "I still want to be friends" crap, tell her to go get a dog. The last thing you want to do is end up being an emotional tampon for an ex who's ****ing another guy and wondering why he can't be more like you.

She's already broke your heart - don't let her take your pride and dignity as well. There are worse things than being alone.

Good luck.

Never will happen & couldn't agree more, there are worse things.

FAX
01-04-2011, 08:19 AM
Then again ... maybe you should send her texts of your penis ...

FAX

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:20 AM
to be honest, your sporting commitments are a godsend as they'll keep you busy.

oh yeah, I love playing hockey. If I had to choose between dating her & my hockey leagues. I'd tell her to go fly a kite.

I guess the same was for her school over me. Time to go on with my business.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:20 AM
Then again ... maybe you should send her texts of your penis ...

FAX

I'll reserve those for the next female I want to sue me.

HMc
01-04-2011, 08:21 AM
don't listen to people who say "everything happens for a reason" as its a tired meaningless cliche that suggests that events occur for reasons beyond your control.

That's generally bullshit, generally relationships (and start, or start again) end over behaviour that you CAN CONTROL.

FAX
01-04-2011, 08:22 AM
oh yeah, I love playing hockey. If I had to choose between dating her & my hockey leagues. I'd tell her to go fly a kite.

I guess the same was for her school over me. Time to go on with my business.

Perhaps ... some day ... you won't have to make that choice, Mr. Pushead2.

There's a time for puckin' and there's a time for fuckin'.

FAX

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:23 AM
Perhaps ... some day ... you won't have to make that choice, Mr. Pushead2.

There's a time for puckin' and there's a time for ****in'.

FAX

she's the one who made the choice for studyin' over fuckin.

Always down for puckin' & fuckin' :thumb:

MOhillbilly
01-04-2011, 08:23 AM
chicks think about this shit differently - I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Like I (and everyone else) has said, create a perception that you're doing real well without her, and she'll want to come aboard again.

It's VERY difficult to do, but it's the way to do it.

Its not very difficult.

Reach down grab your sack and move on.


Easy. All win.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:24 AM
don't listen to people who say "everything happens for a reason" as its a tired meaningless cliche that suggests that events occur for reasons beyond your control.

That's generally bullshit, generally relationships (and start, or start again) end over behaviour that you CAN CONTROL.

People say that to me & I shrug that off, I think people say that because they have no other advice to give.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:24 AM
Its not very difficult.

Reach down grab your sack and move on.


Easy. All win.

Manly advice....I dig it

salame
01-04-2011, 08:24 AM
so you don't consider me your friend pushead?

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:25 AM
so you don't consider me your friend pushead?

your avatar creeps me out but the girl sneezing catches me everytime. It's a toss up.

Frazod
01-04-2011, 08:26 AM
"Everything happens for a reason" is right up there with "If you love something, set it free" and "violence never solves anything."

People who say these stupid things should be beaten until they stop talking. :$2500:

pr_capone
01-04-2011, 08:27 AM
Well if begging her to come back doesn't work, and ignoring her doesn't work... there is always rohypnol!

ChiefsNow
01-04-2011, 08:28 AM
If you love someone , let them go.
If they don't come back,..............................














Hunt them down, And Kill them !!! :evil:

salame
01-04-2011, 08:28 AM
your avatar creeps me out but the girl sneezing catches me everytime. It's a toss up.

I'll hug you until you feel better

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:28 AM
Well if begging her to come back doesn't work, and ignoring her doesn't work... there is always rohypnol!

Definitely will not be begging her to come back.....

Radar Chief
01-04-2011, 08:29 AM
You're probably screwed. Don't call. Don't beg. Don't grovel. If she pulls that "I still want to be friends" crap, tell her to go get a dog. The last thing you want to do is end up being an emotional tampon for an ex who's ****ing another guy and wondering why he can't be more like you.

She's already broke your heart - don't let her take your pride and dignity as well. There are worse things than being alone.

Good luck.

I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own fucking blood!/ExRev

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:29 AM
I'll hug you until you feel better

This prevents the hugging from taking place, still a toss up.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/customavatars/avatar12011_1.gif

salame
01-04-2011, 08:31 AM
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Frazod
01-04-2011, 08:31 AM
I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own fucking blood!/ExRev

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE A DEMON FROM HELL?????? LMAO

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:36 AM
<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xW5mQySW6KI?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xW5mQySW6KI?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

will never be friends after that.....

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:40 AM
thank you all for the advice......I appreciate it

Mr. Plow
01-04-2011, 08:40 AM
"Everything happens for a reason" is right up there with "If you love something, set it free" and "violence never solves anything."

People who say these stupid things should be beaten until they stop talking. :$2500:


Violence never solves anything.

Frazod
01-04-2011, 08:41 AM
Violence never solves anything.

:$2500:

Inspector
01-04-2011, 08:45 AM
Go fuck her sister.

That'll show her.

pr_capone
01-04-2011, 08:48 AM
Go **** her sister.

That'll show her.

Or you could go fuck your sister.

That'll show her even more!

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 08:55 AM
Or you could go **** your sister.

That'll show her even more!

her sister is underage & I don't have a sister.

Inspector
01-04-2011, 09:01 AM
her sister is underage & I don't have a sister.

Of course, as I'm sure you realize, this advice does NOT pertain to her brother.

Just wanted to be clear about that.

Good luck. Hope it all works out for the best.

Sully
01-04-2011, 09:02 AM
another thing is she has NO family here in NYC & very little friends....She's from Oklahoma but came here to go to NYU.

So the fact that she's willing to accept being VERY lonely is making me think it's over but at the same time thinking once she sees how lonely she will be she'll think twice.

But do you really want to be with her just so she won't be "lonely?"

It's a tough deal, but the "not in love" thing is typically the death knell.


Sent from my Rotary phone using Tapatalk

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 09:05 AM
But do you really want to be with her just so she won't be "lonely?"

It's a tough deal, but the "not in love" thing is typically the death knell.


Sent from my Rotary phone using Tapatalk

no no, I meant it as in she must really not be in love with me to deal with that loneliness

Usually they are.....& I acknowledge it

Frazod
01-04-2011, 09:06 AM
I missed the "she's from Oklahoma" part.

Shitcan her immediately. That is all.

ChiTown
01-04-2011, 09:08 AM
yeah I feel the working on myself part, I'm almost done with my college degree & I play in 3 hockey leagues including one that travels across the US & Canada on tournaments. So I am busy myself. I think the part that hurts the most for me is the best friend part. The routine of talking day & night, that gets to me. I'm on the road for a tournament in January, my alternate captain of my team is a single dude in his late 30s. So when I spoke to him last night he was saying that would be a good test for both y'all. Will she notice? Will she care you're away?

I wish I knew then what I know now. Repeat this to yourself over and over:

There is NOT ONE woman that you should worry about until you are married and have children with them. Until that time, relax, have fun, don't give them the satisfaction of ****ing you around, and most importantly, MOVE ON!

God bless ya, son. But seriously, this ain't nothing but a thing, a thing that is just a momentary blip in your life. Like I said, move on, and do it quickly. Good luck!

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 09:08 AM
I missed the "she's from Oklahoma" part.

Shitcan her immediately. That is all.

you are the second person to tell me that on a serious note, not sure if you are but he was dead ass.

Lzen
01-04-2011, 09:09 AM
Or you could go **** your sister.

That'll show her even more!

Are you from Arkansas?

Lzen
01-04-2011, 09:10 AM
I missed the "she's from Oklahoma" part.

Shitcan her immediately. That is all.

ROFL

DaKCMan AP
01-04-2011, 09:12 AM
As others have said, move on. If you get back together then it'll happen without you calling/begging/pushing. You can't be needy. Just take time and focus on you.




Oh, and obligatory.. 'pics or it didn't happen.'

Frazod
01-04-2011, 09:13 AM
you are the second person to tell me that on a serious note, not sure if you are but he was dead ass.

Yeah, pretty much. To hell with Oklahoma and anything that crawls out of it.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 09:13 AM
As others have said, move on. If you get back together then it'll happen without you calling/begging/pushing. You can't be needy. Just take time and focus on you.




Oh, and obligatory.. 'pics or it didn't happen.'

what in the.......

cookster50
01-04-2011, 09:15 AM
what in the.......

I think he wants pics of your junk.

ChiTown
01-04-2011, 09:16 AM
I think he wants pics of your junk.

ROFL

DaKCMan AP
01-04-2011, 09:20 AM
I think he wants pics of your junk.

if the ex-gf qualifies as 'junk'.. otherwise, no thanks

Chiefs Pantalones
01-04-2011, 09:27 AM
She's going for her PhD, it takes up a lot of her time & I felt a tad bit neglected. I know it's tough for her as it is but I told her how I felt. She told me in response that she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore.....

I'm still young & I've left a long relationship (4 years) before but this was different. She was more than my gf but my best friend too.....I was planning on proposing to her later this year but that's clearly out the window.

I'm getting 50/50 opinions from people on if I should just let her be & move on or fight for the girl I love / my best friend. She was all torn up hysterically crying last night when the conversation was going on.....Don't know, felt like I needed to air it out to a different crowd than my friends. What y'all think?

Should've proposed sooner. That's probably why she left you. Hang in there man.

R8RFAN
01-04-2011, 09:33 AM
Don't feel to bad, she will probably go out and bang a couple of guys thinking of you the whole time and then realize you were the man for her and come running to your arms....


P.S. Who paid for her schooling?

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 09:36 AM
Would you want someone to stay with you because they were afraid to be alone? Didn't think so.

It sounds like she's under pressure and based on what she has said is changing.

I'm not retyping everything again. Just say "be free little bird". Don't call, don't write...don't be on demand as soon as she texts or calls.

I spent...no....Wasted time worrying about "the best friend" I lost. If the rutt had actually been my best friend, she wouldn't have run off and done what she did.

You were looking for a piece of ass when you found her....I'm sure hockey has some version of the buckle bunny in rodeo. Go buck out a piece of rebound pussy and move on.

If it's meant to be, it will eventually be. Don't waste your time on anger and whining and don't let her drag you into her self imposed pity party. When you talk.....You're Always fine.

Who am I?
"I AM A CHAMPION"

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 09:37 AM
Don't feel to bad, she will probably go out and bang a couple of guys thinking of you the whole time and then realize you were the man for her and come running to your arms....


P.S. Who paid for her schooling?

She works for it because it's a PhD program, but when she went to NYU I helped her sometimes with payments & books.

DeezNutz
01-04-2011, 09:38 AM
Its not very difficult.

Reach down grab your sack and move on.


Easy. All win.

I'm in agreement with MO, here.

The most reassuring thing for you should be the confidence that you're going to be just fine. I'm speculating that she was your "best friend" because you were spending a ton of time with her, naturally, more so than you were spending with your other friends. This will change.

You'll find someone new presently, and if she moves on more quickly than you, have a cold one and try not to get too surprised. Easier said than done, of course.

CaliforniaChief
01-04-2011, 09:43 AM
her sister is underage & I don't have a sister.

Win win! #shyguyms

Brock
01-04-2011, 09:44 AM
move on, life's too short for drama

don't take her back ever

Brock
01-04-2011, 09:53 AM
7. Are you sure there isn't another "Dude" in the picture? Often there is one even though you may not imagine it or want to believe it.

It's always another dude.

Frazod
01-04-2011, 09:55 AM
LMAO at the "ignore everything you read here" post, backed up by six more numbered paragraphs.

trndobrd
01-04-2011, 09:59 AM
Why were you planning on proposing to her later this year? Were you seriously going to do it and if so, why where you waiting?

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 10:08 AM
Why were you planning on proposing to her later this year? Were you seriously going to do it and if so, why where you waiting?

We were planning a trip together & I was going to do it while on our trip. Also I would be finished with my degree. There were a few reasons for it but that were the main ones.

MOhillbilly
01-04-2011, 10:08 AM
the new ink to hardcore for her?

ClevelandBronco
01-04-2011, 10:18 AM
All this talk about "her" is bad. Real bad.

Ask yourself this; if she were run over by a train and the doctors saved her life but put her together so she looks like a cross between a kangaroo and Ralph Waldo Emerson, would you care as much? I don't think so.

Imagine that she has been struck by a train. Mourn. Then focus on yourself.

FAX

Get this tattooed on whatever clear patch of skin you have left. It's that important.

It'll hurt like a bitch, but then, so does love and getting run over by a train.

Don't get the FAX part tattooed. That would be weird and it would just raise uncomfortable questions with the next chick.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 10:19 AM
You'll eventually figure out that you were probably "content" not "happy". there is a difference.


Move on from the drama....she's likely humping her lab partner who "understands" her.

TinyEvel
01-04-2011, 10:22 AM
Sorry to hear that dude, I went through a pretty tough breakup in college, it was my first adult relationship, the first woman who could have been "the one" and when we broke up all I concentrated on was trying to get her back. Looking back was that completely the worst thing I could have done. Not because we really should have stayed together, but because I moped on what I didn't have instead of what I did and who I was. It's easy to look back with 20/20 vision, but at the time I was not thinking straight.

You've gone through a significant part of your life with her, so you're going to feel a loss. But playing a mind game right now is not going to get you anywhere - that advice is for people trying to defensively protect their egos after a burn.

Nobody can dispense a prescription for this based on three paragraphs. They don't know the three years you've had with her, what your personalities and needs are. How you've grown together and apart since then. I do think that through college people grow a lot and often grow differently. That's just reality. I would just offer the general tips to be honest, with her and with yourself. And try to surround yourself with as many close friends and supporters as you can. If she was your best friend (or the person you shared all your daily news with) you should keep yourself communicating with other close people to mitigate that loss of personal bond. and try not to make everything about her and what you no longer have. Also, each day it will get easier. It might only get a fraction of a percent easier each day but it does get easier.

Good luck

Oh yeah, and don't be this guy...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-denise-show/2527

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 10:22 AM
the new ink to hardcore for her?

perhaps....

Fat Elvis
01-04-2011, 10:23 AM
Sorry about what happened and sorry for the heartache, but...What do you have to offer her? Seriously. From the sound of your OP, it seems like you were a whiny twit riding her coat-tails. She is getting a Ph.D. and in all likelihood will be moving to another part of the country. Why would she want to be tied down to you? It seems like you are the one who is afraid of being lonely and she has no problem being alone; there is a HUGE difference between between lonely and being alone. You've been with her for three years, you haven't proposed and you don't live together; I don't blame her for dumping you. You were using her. You may not agree with that statement, but if you don't understand it, you have a real clue as to why you are now newly single. If you don't know whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after a couple of years, it ain't gonna happen. She cut bait and moved on without you.

ClevelandBronco
01-04-2011, 10:23 AM
Who paid for her schooling?

This you should tattoo on her. Unless she or her parents or the taxpayer paid for it.

Gonzo
01-04-2011, 10:24 AM
That sucks man.
Always remember:
It's a short trip from pursuing your true love to stalking. Good luck bro.
Posted via Mobile Device

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 10:26 AM
Sorry to hear that dude, I went through a pretty tough breakup in college, it was my first adult relationship, the first woman who could have been "the one" and when we broke up all I concentrated on was trying to get her back. Looking back was that completely the worst thing I could have done. Not because we really should have stayed together, but because I moped on what I didn't have instead of what I did and who I was. It's easy to look back with 20/20 vision, but at the time I was not thinking straight.

You've gone through a significant part of your life with her, so you're going to feel a loss. But playing a mind game right now is not going to get you anywhere - that advice is for people trying to defensively protect their egos after a burn.

Nobody can dispense a prescription for this based on three paragraphs. They don't know the three years you've had with her, what your personalities and needs are. How you've grown together and apart since then. I do think that through college people grow a lot and often grow differently. That's just reality. I would just offer the general tips to be honest, with her and with yourself. And try to surround yourself with as many close friends and supporters as you can. If she was your best friend (or the person you shared all your daily news with) you should keep yourself communicating with other close people to mitigate that loss of personal bond. and try not to make everything about her and what you no longer have. Also, each day it will get easier. It might only get a fraction of a percent easier each day but it does get easier.

Good luck

Oh yeah, and don't be this guy...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-denise-show/2527


I agree, I was in a band when I was 18 & 19 so I didn't start college til late. I am still only 26 just wanted to clear it up. Not thinking I'm 20 or 21.

gblowfish
01-04-2011, 10:28 AM
I was on the verge of getting engaged when I was in grad school. We broke up. Probably a good thing because I'm sure I'd be paying alimony now.

Been married for 15 years to the right girl who came around afterwards.

FAX
01-04-2011, 10:32 AM
LMAO at the "ignore everything you read here" post, backed up by six more numbered paragraphs.

Yeah.

Ignore my rubber band deal and the train thing? Then immediately dive into 3 pages of single-spaced, detailed excerpts from the love boat operations manual?

Not fair, dude. Not fair, at all.

FAX

ClevelandBronco
01-04-2011, 10:34 AM
I was on the verge of getting engaged when I was in grad school. We broke up. Probably a good thing because I'm sure I'd be paying alimony now.

That's another thing. 50% of first marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, so you could be dodging an alimony bullet, unless her Ph.D. is going to provide a better salary than club hockey, in which case she could end up owing you.

But really, what are the odds of her Ph.D. being worth anything at all in this economy? Tough call.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 10:39 AM
Don't save your QB for the playoffs if you haven't clinched a spot in the playoffs. If you let this slip away from you, then you won't get the perfect opportunity on vaca, after your degree, putting the ring in a glass of wine & etc. Get'r done dude.

Don't listen to Oprah here.


If she doesn't want you now, why on earth would you beg and plead and use your diamond "quarterback" as suggested by the guy who suggested you ignore platitudes.

Let her go....Go be happy, if she calls, you're doing fine. She'll either realize she made a mistake or she'll continue F'ing Beaker.


Personally, I don't think anyone is truly ready to be a good husband until they've gone through one of these situations. You'll be a man of better steel for going through some fire.

The decade following my version of your situation, I did a thousand things I'd never have done had I ended up with that miserable, unhappy fun hater. Best thing she ever did for my life was push me back out into the world. 5 years from now, you'll probably be with a better woman, who is happier, and a better match. Someday, you'll have beautiful kids with a woman you've probably never met yet, that you wouldn't have if you stay in this situation.

Move on. Go be happy.

zonachief
01-04-2011, 10:41 AM
Sorry to hear that dude, I went through a pretty tough breakup in college, it was my first adult relationship, the first woman who could have been "the one" and when we broke up all I concentrated on was trying to get her back. Looking back was that completely the worst thing I could have done. Not because we really should have stayed together, but because I moped on what I didn't have instead of what I did and who I was. It's easy to look back with 20/20 vision, but at the time I was not thinking straight.

You've gone through a significant part of your life with her, so you're going to feel a loss. But playing a mind game right now is not going to get you anywhere - that advice is for people trying to defensively protect their egos after a burn.

Nobody can dispense a prescription for this based on three paragraphs. They don't know the three years you've had with her, what your personalities and needs are. How you've grown together and apart since then. I do think that through college people grow a lot and often grow differently. That's just reality. I would just offer the general tips to be honest, with her and with yourself. And try to surround yourself with as many close friends and supporters as you can. If she was your best friend (or the person you shared all your daily news with) you should keep yourself communicating with other close people to mitigate that loss of personal bond. and try not to make everything about her and what you no longer have. Also, each day it will get easier. It might only get a fraction of a percent easier each day but it does get easier.

Good luck

Oh yeah, and don't be this guy...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-denise-show/2527

This. Don't listen to those saying "bro, you gotta ignore her and then she will coming crawling back". Maybe that works on 90210, but this is real life. Show her your doing well by accually doing well. Focus on yourself completly and give her some time (not too much) and then if you feel the same way, talk to her.

I had a simular situation. Dated a girl in college. She was super busy (as was I) and I felt neglected. That sucks because as a man you think you should not feel that way. When you are both busy as hell and YOU are willing to make time to see her and she does not do the same, that is a shitty feeling.

I got rid of her and it worked well for me, but if she is your best friend like you say she is, its not going to be as easy for you.

Good luck man.

Brock
01-04-2011, 10:41 AM
Don't save your QB for the playoffs if you haven't clinched a spot in the playoffs. If you let this slip away from you, then you won't get the perfect opportunity on vaca, after your degree, putting the ring in a glass of wine & etc. Get'r done dude.

ROFL No woman is this important.

R8RFAN
01-04-2011, 10:46 AM
She works for it because it's a PhD program, but when she went to NYU I helped her sometimes with payments & books.
If it were me, I would rather know now than 5 years and 3 kids into a marriage, good luck to you either way.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 10:47 AM
Mrs Favre is probably looking for some payback.


Take spring break in Louisiana and go give her lady garden a tickle.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 10:47 AM
I definitely can tell who are the older, wiser posters here after this thread. I appreciate the love everyone. I really do. a fresh take on it then from what my friends have been telling me

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 10:48 AM
Mrs Favre is probably looking for some payback.


Take spring break in Louisiana and go give her lady garden a tickle.

think she likes amateur hockey players?

FAX
01-04-2011, 10:48 AM
ROFL No woman is this important.

I beg to differ.

The real problem is, too many are. I don't think human males were intended for monogamy. I think the more beautiful, nubile, green-eyed, blonds around, the better. And, if that takes jewels, so be it.

Instead, we're forced to settle down with one girl and deal with all the ups and downs and ups and downs of one person instead of simply choosing the most positive and upbeat chick in the coop that particular day. Makes no sense and causes untold gobs of relational friction.

I occasionally worry about the future of our culture.

FAX

Groves
01-04-2011, 10:48 AM
I think the part that hurts the most for me is the best friend part. The routine of talking day & night, that gets to me.

Listen Pushead (always wanted to say that),

Sounds like a sucky situation that's painful and I'm sorry about that.

From the above quote it sounds like you were essentially already married. So it's not really much different than a divorce.

One of your other quotes talks about easily choosing hockey over her if it came down to it. That sounds like a guy who doesn't want to be married to a real person.

So, you were a married guy who didn't want to be married.

At least you got out before you spent 6K on a ring. Sucks either way. Sorry man.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 10:49 AM
think she likes amateur hockey players?

Don't know. text her a photo of your pickle in Hockey Skates.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 10:50 AM
The only thing you've proven Tonto is that you're either an ice dancer or a chic.

Go take the lint roller to your beret before you're looking unkept in your art history class.


Get it right pal. I said, "ignore the platitudes." I'll give you time to look up the word. . .waiting. . .

Since my post, several have repeated elements of it.

What is it to you anyway? Where is your brilliant commentary?

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 10:51 AM
Listen Pushead (always wanted to say that),

Sounds like a sucky situation that's painful and I'm sorry about that.

From the above quote it sounds like you were essentially already married. So it's not really much different than a divorce.

One of your other quotes talks about easily choosing hockey over her if it came down to it. That sounds like a guy who doesn't want to be married to a real person.

So, you were a married guy who didn't want to be married.

At least you got out before you spent 6K on a ring. Sucks either way. Sorry man.

I only meant it as I understand how she's putting her career path first. She's becoming a professional scholar in essence. I would never want her to choose. Just me saying I understand how it consumes.

FAX
01-04-2011, 10:51 AM
Get it right pal. I said, "ignore the platitudes." I'll give you time to look up the word. . .waiting. . .

Since my post, several have repeated elements of it.

What is it to you anyway? Where is your brilliant commentary?

Simmah!!

But, to answer your question, my brilliant commentary was, unfortunately, lost in the wash.

I ran the load and all that came out was some shrunken commentary and a single, solitary sock. Probably should have used Woolite.

FAX

Fritz88
01-04-2011, 10:52 AM
I like that analogy, I hope that is the case. She's everything a guy could want in a female by my means.

If he does AtM then she's a gem.

ClevelandBronco
01-04-2011, 10:53 AM
Get it right pal. I said, "ignore the platitudes." I'll give you time to look up the word. . .waiting. . .

Since my post, several have repeated elements of it.

What is it to you anyway? Your "brilliant" commentary is, "choosing the most positive and upbeat chick in the coop that particular day." Yeah real good there Dr. Phil.

Whoa. Dig the serious guy.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 10:56 AM
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSarqA6xGro0_7sAHI1OtQ8kx1K9jjOEAredDzq6WV6JQtj95lwpQ

You see maaaaaaaaan, these cats don't understand the depth of female psychology the way I do...ya dig.

ClevelandBronco
01-04-2011, 10:59 AM
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSarqA6xGro0_7sAHI1OtQ8kx1K9jjOEAredDzq6WV6JQtj95lwpQ

You see maaaaaaaaan, these cats don't understand the depth of female psychology the way I do...ya dig.

The penguin is chill.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 11:00 AM
The penguin is chill.

snaps snaps snaps snaps

Valiant
01-04-2011, 11:00 AM
yeah I feel the working on myself part, I'm almost done with my college degree & I play in 3 hockey leagues including one that travels across the US & Canada on tournaments. So I am busy myself. I think the part that hurts the most for me is the best friend part. The routine of talking day & night, that gets to me. I'm on the road for a tournament in January, my alternate captain of my team is a single dude in his late 30s. So when I spoke to him last night he was saying that would be a good test for both y'all. Will she notice? Will she care you're away?

Sounds like she might be use to you being away as is. Never been one for falling in love but tell her you love her and she's the one if you mea it. This is not dating you do not have to hard to get. If you both actually love each other you will get back together.

Earthling
01-04-2011, 11:00 AM
Sounds like this was initiated by you when you told her you felt neglected, to a degree (no pun intended), because of the time she was spending getting her Phd. Has she ever told you the same in regards to your time you have dedicated to the Hockey leagues? Anyway, you put her in a defensive mode and its possible she might have been bothered by that and said some irrational things. Just from what you have said here, and considering that this was a lady you were going to ask to marry you, I would give it some time apart to see exactly how much the two of you mean to each other.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 11:01 AM
At least you didn't buy her a $6,000 ring.

Brock
01-04-2011, 11:03 AM
These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 11:04 AM
As for the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", I pulled that bullshit on a long-term relationship once. Bottom line is, I think I was just afraid to commit and say to myself, "I will marry this person and never see another naked person for the rest of my life except this one". She may truly not "be in love with you", or she might just have cold feet on a larger commitment. As others have said, do not beg, do not plead, do your best to support yourself mentally and physically (clean your house, work out, etc.,.). She may soon see what she's giving up. And if not, you move on. Almost every person I've ever met who has a bad breakup follows it up with, "...and I'm so thankful, because then I met the woman who I eventually married, and am happy beyond belief." More fish in the sea and all that jazz.

R8RFAN
01-04-2011, 11:05 AM
These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.
Absolutely..........

Valiant
01-04-2011, 11:06 AM
Sorry to hear that dude, I went through a pretty tough breakup in college, it was my first adult relationship, the first woman who could have been "the one" and when we broke up all I concentrated on was trying to get her back. Looking back was that completely the worst thing I could have done. Not because we really should have stayed together, but because I moped on what I didn't have instead of what I did and who I was. It's easy to look back with 20/20 vision, but at the time I was not thinking straight.

You've gone through a significant part of your life with her, so you're going to feel a loss. But playing a mind game right now is not going to get you anywhere - that advice is for people trying to defensively protect their egos after a burn.

Nobody can dispense a prescription for this based on three paragraphs. They don't know the three years you've had with her, what your personalities and needs are. How you've grown together and apart since then. I do think that through college people grow a lot and often grow differently. That's just reality. I would just offer the general tips to be honest, with her and with yourself. And try to surround yourself with as many close friends and supporters as you can. If she was your best friend (or the person you shared all your daily news with) you should keep yourself communicating with other close people to mitigate that loss of personal bond. and try not to make everything about her and what you no longer have. Also, each day it will get easier. It might only get a fraction of a percent easier each day but it does get easier.

Good luck

Oh yeah, and don't be this guy...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-denise-show/2527

Sound advice

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 11:11 AM
Sound advice

I agree.......

Once again I thank everyone for the love & advice.

Fat Elvis
01-04-2011, 11:19 AM
These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

FAX
01-04-2011, 11:26 AM
I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

I think Mr. Brock is referring to "pre-marriage" situations, Mr. Fat Elvis.

When I was dating the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX, her roommate had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who would not stop calling or dropping by. Eventually, she not only became disgusted with his behavior, she became fearful. I've told the story before, but one night he forced his way into the apartment and I was required to smash a lamp over his noggin. Pretty good lamp, too.

In my vast experience in dealing with the softer sex, it's important to give the girl space and focus on your own self-improvement and personal happiness ... without her. Then, if she wants to be with you, she will. Girls know all about this kind of stuff and they are acutely aware of relational dynamics. The worst thing a guy can do is "chase". It never, ever works and sometimes makes things irretrievably bad.

FAX

Brock
01-04-2011, 11:26 AM
I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

You share the power. She doesn't run the relationship. I daresay your wife never made you run after her or do other doggie tricks to prove yourself, no?

JD10367
01-04-2011, 11:32 AM
When it comes to "power and weakness", I agree that there can't be any on either side or the other person will just think less of you and take advantage of you. When I was young, my first g/f tried to break up with me and I pussied out to the point of almost grabbing her ankles and sobbing to keep her from doing it. She reluctantly took it back... and, obviously, the relationship went right in the toilet.

I'll leave you with a quote from a great modern philosopher:

"Cameron has never been in love. At least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."

Brock
01-04-2011, 11:34 AM
You do recognize there is a difference between "chasing" and "being real"? This guy hasn't even told his GF that HE INTENDS TO ASK HER TO MARRY HIM! Either he is BSing us, her or himself in that regard.

Nor should he, since she pulled the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" card. Translate that from woman bullshit and you have "I'm screwing around on you or at least thinking about it".

tooge
01-04-2011, 11:35 AM
First off, I'm shocked that nobody has offered the most apropriate immediate response, and that is to go meet some floozy at a bar, take her home, and bang the absolute shit out of her. After this, forget about "whats her face", and if it is meant to be she will call you. It's like when your dog dies, you really need to get a new dog pretty quickly. Actually, it's not like that at all, cuz you dont fuck your dog, but you get the point.

DaKCMan AP
01-04-2011, 11:36 AM
Don't take advice from someone who thinks it's spelled advise.

Sully
01-04-2011, 11:42 AM
. . .and you also can't respect somebody who is so FAKE as to say that he intends to ask a girl to marry him later in the year but doesn't tell her that now when there is a danger of losing her.

If she's not in love with him, he's already lost her.


Sent from my Rotary phone using Tapatalk

gblowfish
01-04-2011, 11:43 AM
Dear Pushead:
Take her to dinner at an expensive restaurant. Order the most expensive thing on the menu. When the bill comes, act like you lost your wallet. Make her pay. Stop on the way home, make her buy a bottle of really good champagne. Go back to her place. Get her drunk then proceed to do every nasty, kinky, perverted sexual act you can think of to her. When she falls asleep from sexual exhaustion, steal $50 out of her purse. Go into the kitchen, take a dump in the fridge crisper bin. Leave and never call her again.

She'll either think you're a wild man and want more, or want to "fix your flaws" because you are now a challenge. If she doesn't respond within two weeks, grudge-f*ck her best girlfriend.

Sincerely,
Every Un-Married Guy on the CP
Who Offers Relationship Advice

JD10367
01-04-2011, 11:44 AM
. . .and you also can't respect somebody who is so FAKE as to say that he intends to ask a girl to marry him later in the year but doesn't tell her that now when there is a danger of losing her.

I don't get the "waiting" thing. If you make the decision to propose to someone, then buy the ring and do it ASAP. I was going to wait two months, only because I'd wanted to do it on our vacation. I was going to do it on top of Millennium Force in Cedar Point, but then realized that whipping out a diamond while going 90 MPH was probably a bad idea. So I did it earlier than that, simply proposing to her while she and I were spending a lazy early-summer day in her parents' swimming pool. (I also don't get the public-proposal stuff. I always think, "She was probably just guilted into saying yes," LOL.)

DeezNutz
01-04-2011, 11:46 AM
Her: "I'm not sure if I love you."

Him: "Will you marry me?"

Her: "Yes! Absolutely! I've completely changed my mind!"

Yeah, this isn't a fucking recipe for disaster. The euphoria and thrill of moving to the "next step" will last forever and ever.

Doesn't seem like it now, but consider yourself very lucky.

FAX
01-04-2011, 11:47 AM
You do recognize there is a difference between "chasing" and "being real"? This guy apparently hasn't even told his GF that HE INTENDS TO ASK HER TO MARRY HIM! Either he is BSing us, her or himself in that regard.

I admire your fire and passion, Mr. Comanche. It reminds me of Grandma FAX and that time she chopped off a finger whilst rendering a chicken for soup.

We may disagree on this subject, and that's okay. However, before you become inexorably fixed in your views, let me suggest that you read any woman's magazine on the planet. Girls thrive on relational dynamics ... hell, it's practically all they think about. They know when a guy is "worth it" or not and, when they decide they want a man, they will swim the Pacific Ocean bound in 50 feet of logging chain for the guy. When a guy "chases" a girl, it communicates "neediness" and girls don't want a guy who "needs". They want a guy who "gets".

That's why I initiate a meaningless argument with the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX at least twice a month then storm out of the house swearing to God and all the Saints that I'll never return and the next time I see her one of us will be in a box. That way, she realizes that I have my sh*t together.

FAX

Pioli Zombie
01-04-2011, 11:49 AM
I masturbate. This way I get to have sex with any woman in the world I want. Celebrity, coworker, 3rd cousin. Its a sure thing. And I can have it any way I want to and role play and everything. And afterwards I don't have to pay for it with the talking and complaining and nagging. And then I can watch football all I want. Wear what I want. Eat what I want. Its really working out a whole lot better than the 2 wives, 2 fiancees, and 100 or so nutbags I've dated. If all else fails and I really need the real thing I just drop a couple of hundred on a nice hooker I met on the backpage. She's hotter and nicer to me than all the others combined.

Bearcat2005
01-04-2011, 11:50 AM
Sorry bro. I was in a similar situation at the end of my undergrad, except I was lacking time for her. I loved her and all but she was upset with my inability to spend time with her as often as we both would like. We seperated and honestly looking back Im happy. I grew more as a person and changed (for the better I hope). I ended up finding a new girl I could make new connections with, and this girl will be my wife now in July. I think at younger ages (especially 18-22) we change so quickly and discover more about ourselves then we can even imagine. This all changes our idea of what we are looking for and our concept of a relationship. Give it time, the answers will come pal.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 11:50 AM
Her: "I'm not sure if I love you."

Him: "Will you marry me?"

Her: "Yes! Absolutely! I've completely changed my mind!"

Yeah, this isn't a ****ing recipe for disaster. The euphoria and thrill of moving to the "next step" will last forever and ever.

Doesn't seem like it now, but consider yourself very lucky.

I see your point, but it could be a little more complex. Maybe the man wasn't committing enough for her liking, so she started to pull away thinking he clearly wasn't "in love" with her enough to want to propose. Maybe the act of proposing makes the woman realize how much she values him and wants him in her life. I dunno. I do agree that, in this situation, any further discussion of continuing the relationship or deepening it into marriage should be prefaced with, "if you truly believe it in your heart... don't just fucking say yes because you think it's what I want to hear, because you'll end up resenting me and just divorcing me anyway".

Brock
01-04-2011, 11:51 AM
Women don't really mean that "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you" crap. As stated elsewhere, that statement has nothing to do with "love" in reality. It has everything to do with her hidden agenda.

Why would anyone want anything to do with someone who has a "hidden agenda"?

JD10367
01-04-2011, 11:51 AM
Women don't really mean that "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you" crap. As stated elsewhere, that statement has nothing to do with "love" in reality. It has everything to do with her hidden agenda.

I think it was Wanda Sykes who said something like, if honest, it would be, "I'm tired of fucking you. I would like to fuck someone else. I suggest you go do the same."

Brock
01-04-2011, 11:52 AM
Ok, finish the "woman bullshit sentence." We all know the complete "woman bullshit sentence" reads, "I'm screwing around on you or at least thinking about it BECAUSE YOU WON'T COMMIT!"

So why not say that?

DeezNutz
01-04-2011, 11:53 AM
I see your point, but it could be a little more complex. Maybe the man wasn't committing enough for her liking, so she started to pull away thinking he clearly wasn't "in love" with her enough to want to propose. Maybe the act of proposing makes the woman realize how much she values him and wants him in her life. I dunno. I do agree that, in this situation, any further discussion of continuing the relationship or deepening it into marriage should be prefaced with, "if you truly believe it in your heart... don't just ****ing say yes because you think it's what I want to hear, because you'll end up resenting me and just divorcing me anyway".

Sure, I can absolutely agree with all of this. And it could be that she's having a panic attack about starting a doctoral program. She'll soon learn that the coursework part isn't as daunting as she might otherwise anticipate.

Sully
01-04-2011, 11:55 AM
Women don't really mean that "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you" crap. As stated elsewhere, that statement has nothing to do with "love" in reality. It has everything to do with her hidden agenda.

I'm glad you think you have this all figured out, champ.


Sent from my Rotary phone using Tapatalk

Donger
01-04-2011, 11:59 AM
Boys, it really isn't that hard. Most females want you to be just like her best friend, with a penis.

luv
01-04-2011, 12:02 PM
I love reading men's insight into the female mind.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 12:02 PM
:hmmm: Well, you have a point there. That said, 50% of marriages don't work out anyway. . .

That's because we make marriage, and divorce, too easy nowadays. People have no sense of commitment. They get married on a whim, after weeks of dating someone, without living with them, whatever. My wife and I dated for 4 years, 2 of which were spent living together, before marrying. And we know that there will be no divorce: if we tire of each other, whoever gets the shovel quicker and kills and buries the other one in the woods is the winner. :D

Brock
01-04-2011, 12:03 PM
I love reading men's insight into the female mind.

We know you better than you know yourself. :LOL:

JD10367
01-04-2011, 12:04 PM
I love reading men's insight into the female mind.

If a man on this board said, "I love reading women's insight into the male mind", you'd probably call him an idiotic misogynistic neanderthal. Just saying.

Donger
01-04-2011, 12:04 PM
I love reading men's insight into the female mind.

It's like looking into the abyss.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 12:04 PM
Boys, it really isn't that hard. Most females want you to be just like her best friend, with a penis.

Unless her best friend buys a strap-on. In which case, you're probably not needed... but please get some videos for us. :thumb:

Donger
01-04-2011, 12:05 PM
If a man on this board said, "I love reading women's insight into the male mind", you'd probably call him an idiotic misogynistic neanderthal. Just saying.

http://www.ihav.net/vb/gallery/files/men_versus_women_on_off_switch.jpg

Cntrygal
01-04-2011, 12:19 PM
Sounds like this was initiated by you when you told her you felt neglected, to a degree (no pun intended), because of the time she was spending getting her Phd. Has she ever told you the same in regards to your time you have dedicated to the Hockey leagues? Anyway, you put her in a defensive mode and its possible she might have been bothered by that and said some irrational things. Just from what you have said here, and considering that this was a lady you were going to ask to marry you, I would give it some time apart to see exactly how much the two of you mean to each other.

IMO... worth repeating.

luv
01-04-2011, 12:24 PM
She's going for her PhD, it takes up a lot of her time & I felt a tad bit neglected. I know it's tough for her as it is but I told her how I felt. She told me in response that she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore.....

I'm still young & I've left a long relationship (4 years) before but this was different. She was more than my gf but my best friend too.....I was planning on proposing to her later this year but that's clearly out the window.

I'm getting 50/50 opinions from people on if I should just let her be & move on or fight for the girl I love / my best friend. She was all torn up hysterically crying last night when the conversation was going on.....Don't know, felt like I needed to air it out to a different crowd than my friends. What y'all think?
You've had a four year relationship and a three year relationship? How young are you? Goodness.

Anyway, if she needs space to work on her education, then give it to her. I don't see why it has to be a "fight for her or forget her" type of thing. Check with her from time to time to see how she's doing. Put forth the effort to show her that you still care about her, but give her the space she needs. When she's done, see where things are at. Who knows? Maybe giving her space will give you time to step back and re-evaluate where you're at compared to where you want to be.

Bill Parcells
01-04-2011, 12:25 PM
Tough call dude. going for phd isn't exactly like she was out fucking somebody behind your back. and ftr, long term relationships are never the same as they were in that first 2 month glowfest of almost every great relationship. ;) good luck with what ever decision you make on this.

Epic Fail 007
01-04-2011, 12:30 PM
women are fickle cunts that way

Brock
01-04-2011, 12:31 PM
Seriously, do you really believe that YOUR wife/gf DOESN'T have a "hidden agenda?" Hell, they ALL do! :doh!:

Yes, I do believe that. There is no reason for anything to be hidden. If there are things being hidden, then there isn't true intimacy and you're wasting your time.

gblowfish
01-04-2011, 12:32 PM
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WebGem
01-04-2011, 12:32 PM
Sorry to hear that dude. Now we both don't have girlfriends and both have shitty hockey teams.

Radar Chief
01-04-2011, 12:44 PM
Yes, I do believe that. There is no reason for anything to be hidden. If there are things being hidden, then there isn't true intimacy and you're wasting your time.

Absolutely right. If you donít have trust, what do you have? Itís certainly not love.

Fat Elvis
01-04-2011, 12:46 PM
You share the power. She doesn't run the relationship. I daresay your wife never made you run after her or do other doggie tricks to prove yourself, no?

If I want to run a business, and I want it to succeed, I'm going to surround myself with people who are smarter than me. Those people are going to want to be wanted, they are going to want their talents appreciated; I am going to do whatever I can to keep them in my employment if I value their talents. Does that mean they run the business relationship? Do I have to give them raises, bonuses or whatever to prove my appreciation of their worth to the company? Anyone who wouldn't do these things for their best employees are flat out idiots.

Why wouldn't you do similar things for the one person who you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with? That is a far greater investment of your time, money and life than any business venture.

Brock
01-04-2011, 12:51 PM
Why wouldn't you do similar things for the one person who you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with? That is a far greater investment of your time, money and life than any business venture.

Would you put up with an employee who acts as if they don't care about the job, or otherwise jerks you around, no matter how valuable they are?

Short Leash Hootie
01-04-2011, 12:51 PM
sounds like she has moved on and she was crying hysterically because she cares about you a ton and hated the fact she knew she was breaking your heart...

I think it's best to just let her be...

when bad shit happens to me I just think "in 5 years I won't even be thinking about this" and then take a deep breath and treat yourself to a new video game or whatever your hobby is and try to keep your mind off of it...

it's tough dude but time heals all wounds

R8RFAN
01-04-2011, 12:54 PM
Sorry to hear that dude. Now we both don't have girlfriends and both have shitty hockey teams.

well it is 2011, you 2 could always hookup ROFL

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 12:54 PM
You're a silly bitch aren't you?

go stuff the ceremonial gourd in your peace pipe.

Run along now or you will miss the Glee reruns you TIVO'ed

:LOL:


Now run along and do the dishes Martha, your wife will be home soon and you don't want ole Buffalo Hump angered.

pr_capone
01-04-2011, 12:58 PM
Are you from Arkansas?

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XaEbKZS_gII/TJQOk35xWoI/AAAAAAAAANk/wDRPK_Mh_pU/s1600/deliverance_banjo.jpg

What makes you say that?

Fat Elvis
01-04-2011, 12:58 PM
Would you put up with an employee who acts as if they don't care about the job, or otherwise jerks you around, no matter how valuable they are?

No. But please explain to me how someone who is working on a Ph.D. and spent the past four years of their life with me jerking me around.

Brock
01-04-2011, 01:05 PM
No. But please explain to me how someone who is working on a Ph.D. and spent the past four years of their life with me jerking me around.

"she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore"

Gee, boss/partner/whatever, I really like working here but I just don't feel the same way about it anymore....

tooge
01-04-2011, 01:07 PM
You've had a four year relationship and a three year relationship? How young are you? Goodness.

Anyway, if she needs space to work on her education, then give it to her. I don't see why it has to be a "fight for her or forget her" type of thing. Check with her from time to time to see how she's doing. Put forth the effort to show her that you still care about her, but give her the space she needs. When she's done, see where things are at. Who knows? Maybe giving her space will give you time to step back and re-evaluate where you're at compared to where you want to be.

this is good advice, but I'd still make sure to get out and find some rebound sex asap.

Brock
01-04-2011, 01:32 PM
All women have a hidden agenda of some sort. Sorry to be the one to tell ya pal. The agenda can range from a wish to get jewelry for her B'day to wanting children. They love to hint around about stuff and they think that if your really love them then you should be able to just know what it is they are thinking.

As to "intimacy", I suppose you hide nothing from your "significant other"? If you say you don't, you aren't being real, dude.

I hide nothing from my significant other. There is no reason to. Believe it or don't, but it's the only way you have true intimacy with anyone.

Give me a reason why anything should be hidden.

Brock
01-04-2011, 01:47 PM
The perfect example is the question women always ask, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" Dude, if you don't lie about that question you will be in deep chit.

Those jeans don't make her look fat.

stevieray
01-04-2011, 02:01 PM
I hide nothing from my significant other. There is no reason to. Believe it or don't, but it's the only way you have true intimacy with anyone.

Give me a reason why anything should be hidden.


...absolutely this.

...honesty IS always the best policy.

Pawnmower
01-04-2011, 02:05 PM
...honesty IS always the best policy.

THIS^^^^^^

If she is gonna get hysterical for you telling her that you're feeling a little neglected than what would happen when some way more intense life problems occur....?

You feeling neglected could even be a sign of realizing she is distancing herself from you. I hate to say this , but her so rapidly wanting to break up after you mentioning feeling neglected could even be a sign she already has found someone else...Someone in her PHD program most likely...A 'friend' of hers.

Take this as a good thing...learn and grow and use this as motivation to hit the gym and find someone who wont give up so easily on you.

Donger
01-04-2011, 02:06 PM
The perfect example is the question women always ask, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" Dude, if you don't lie about that question you will be in deep chit.

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/cdy3orO6tQA?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/cdy3orO6tQA?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

Cntrygal
01-04-2011, 02:12 PM
Maybe she thought... "WTF?!?! He's constantly gone playing hockey, I'm in school getting a PhD and HE feels "neglected"?!?! The hell with him then."

Frazod
01-04-2011, 02:13 PM
The perfect example is the question women always ask, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" Dude, if you don't lie about that question you will be in deep chit.

I like the Al Bundy answer, and have used it:

"It's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the FAT that makes you look fat."

Be prepared to get hit, though. Depending on the woman in question, sometimes you'll get hit really, really hard.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 02:17 PM
I knew buffalo hump was a chic.
Hasn't provided anything close to a Manswer yet.

FAX
01-04-2011, 02:34 PM
This reminds me of that famous story that Grampa FAX related about that one time when he and Grandma FAX were preparing to go out and she was standing before the full-length mirror.

She kept remarking about how her dress made her look lumpy and how her haircut looked bad and how her shoes made her feet look big. Anyhow, she turned to Grampa FAX and said, "You know, you could give me a compliment once in awhile. It wouldn't hurt you." So, Grampa FAX thought for a moment and said, "Your eyesight is perfect. Let's roll."

FAX

Extra Point
01-04-2011, 02:36 PM
Maybe she thought... "WTF?!?! He's constantly gone playing hockey, I'm in school getting a PhD and HE feels "neglected"?!?! The hell with him then."

Good point. If you're away so much, then that may be going thru her mind.

Did you ever tell her you want to marry her?

Do/Did you live with her, for any stretch?

If you helped her financially, and she calls it total quits, then settle the account, and drive on.

Later is later, regarding your potential future together. Just don't spend "later," looking back.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 02:43 PM
Okay, I've gone back and looked at the OP again. After further analyzation:

"She's going for her PhD, it takes up a lot of her time & I felt a tad bit neglected. I know it's tough for her as it is but I told her how I felt. She told me in response that she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore....."

In the first place, I don't get how a guy feels "neglected". But, anyway, the phrasing "I told her how I felt" has me concerned. Are you saying you basically were hinting she needed to choose between her PhD and spending more time with you? Because, not only is that pretty selfish, it would fairly irritate her, I'd think, leading to an off-the-cuff "**** you" type of reply. However, I also have a concern about how she jumped from your point to her response.

Guy: "You know, I feel kind of neglected."
Girl: "I'm not in love with you any more."

Sounds like she was basically using any opportunity to dump you.

FAX
01-04-2011, 02:43 PM
That "never look back" stuff is easier said than done. But, it's good advice, nonetheless.

I once dated a nurse who worked at UCLA. Redhead. Nice tittahs. Nice blue eyes. She took care of me for a few weeks while I was in the hospital and then for a few weeks more once I was released. I messed up somehow ... probably got drunk, ate some Quaaludes, and said or did some outrageous and unspeakably horrific things or something along those lines. Anyhow, after she broke it off, I called her for a date and she said, "Never go back.". Apparently, I missed my one and only opportunity for a long and loving relationship with that particular nurse. Dang.

FAX

Brock
01-04-2011, 02:46 PM
I called her for a date and she said, "Never go back.". Apparently, I missed my one and only opportunity for a long and loving relationship with that particular nurse. Dang.

FAX

Maybe she went black.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 02:48 PM
Maybe she went black.

Or maybe she was also angrily saying, "Never go back door," 'cause in his Quaalude-and-booze stupor he PIIHB. :shrug:

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 02:49 PM
Maybe she thought... "WTF?!?! He's constantly gone playing hockey, I'm in school getting a PhD and HE feels "neglected"?!?! The hell with him then."

not away a lot with hockey...She doesn't hang out on week nights anymore because she's either grading papers or she is writing papers to be published.
In the first two years she use to travel with me because she loves seeing new cities. Once the PhD came into play it was a done deal,

I spoke to her today to air some things out, it was a good productive talk. She never lied or hid anything from me & vice versa. She told me "I wish it was another man, it would be easier for both of us....." She feels that we were both too different of people & feels guilty for making me try to be someone I wasn't.

ChiTown
01-04-2011, 02:50 PM
not away a lot with hockey...She doesn't hang out on week nights anymore because she's either grading papers or she is writing papers to be published.
In the first two years she use to travel with me because she loves seeing new cities. Once the PhD came into play it was a done deal,

I spoke to her today to air some things out, it was a good productive talk. She never lied or hid anything from me & vice versa. She told me "I wish it was another man, it would be easier for both of us....." She feels that we were both too different of people & feels guilty for making me try to be someone I wasn't.

Run away.......quickly, and don't talk with her again.

FAX
01-04-2011, 02:51 PM
Maybe she went black.

Possibly. She struck me as highly ... uh ... innovative.

I did know this one redhead who went out with Rick James. I met her in a head shop in Van Nuys. She must have thought it was love at first sight or something. Followed me all the way to KS one time. Uninvited. Smoked all my weed and spent all my money. Damn girl could play a mean game of pool, though. Kept us in draft beer for almost a week.

FAX

Extra Point
01-04-2011, 02:51 PM
not away a lot with hockey...She doesn't hang out on week nights anymore because she's either grading papers or she is writing papers to be published.
In the first two years she use to travel with me because she loves seeing new cities. Once the PhD came into play it was a done deal,

I spoke to her today to air some things out, it was a good productive talk. She never lied or hid anything from me & vice versa. She told me "I wish it was another man, it would be easier for both of us....." She feels that we were both too different of people & feels guilty for making me try to be someone I wasn't.

Good. Then FIX IT!

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 02:54 PM
Good. Then FIX IT!

I'm afraid it's over & damage is done....

FAX
01-04-2011, 02:57 PM
I'm afraid it's over & damage is done....

Maybe. Maybe not.

The point is that you'll never know unless or until you get your head together and your priorities straight. You guys have been together for 3 years, man. Think about it. Most girls would have demanded a commitment by now.

Were I in your shoes, I would take FAX's advice as described above and start focusing on your life. If she wants to be with you, the phone works both ways.

FAX

MOhillbilly
01-04-2011, 02:59 PM
Dont look back. Youll feel better in no time.

Pushead2
01-04-2011, 02:59 PM
Maybe. Maybe not.

The point is that you'll never know unless or until you get your head together and your priorities straight. You guys have been together for 3 years, man. Think about it. Most girls would have demanded a commitment by now.

Were I in your shoes, I would take FAX's advice as described above and start focusing on your life. If she wants to be with you, the phone works both ways.

FAX

I am dude trust me. & she said it had nothing to do with commitment for a ring.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 03:02 PM
I'm afraid it's over & damage is done....

Sounds like she's confirmed what some of us have said.

Truthfully, it's easier that its NOT another guy.

It sounds like she's grown another direction. Wish her well and get busy moving on with your life. Find some things to keep you busy, things that make you happy. It doesn't sound like you were terribly happy either.

run and don't look back.

DeezNutz
01-04-2011, 03:04 PM
Call her back and beg her to marry you. /wise and manly advice

ChiTown
01-04-2011, 03:07 PM
Sounds like she's confirmed what some of us have said.

Truthfully, it's easier that its NOT another guy.

It sounds like she's grown another direction. Wish her well and get busy moving on with your life. Find some things to keep you busy, things that make you happy. It doesn't sound like you were terribly happy either.

run and don't look back.

Quit copying my shit, and get your own message board material:cuss:

NaptownChief
01-04-2011, 03:10 PM
She told me in response that she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore.....



Just move forward...clearly not the needed spark for her anymore. Whether you want her back or not just don't sit around being pathetic. Nothing more unattractive than somebody who looks and acts pathetic and weak.

Just say "I love and sorry it didn't work out" and then move forward like all is well. There is a chance that she realizes things were better than she thought and she will come back sniffing around and there is a chance that when she sees you looking happy to have moved on you will become more desirable and find the spark again.

Women need a balancing act....They need you to be sweet and they need you to be a bit of an a$$. They all want guys to be sweet in theory but they need a challenge to keep the spark. If you just roll over and nice and sweet 100% of the time then they have no challenge and lose the spark. If you are an a$$ on occassion then they now have the challenge to try and make you really nice and sweet all the time and the spark usually stays. It's a silly game to have to play but unfortunately required for men if they don't want their old ladies getting bored and out shopping for something with the new car smell.

Donger
01-04-2011, 03:13 PM
Not to be indelicate, but have you considered that perhaps her egg head world now doesn't mesh well with a hockey player-type?

Earthling
01-04-2011, 03:14 PM
That "never look back" stuff is easier said than done. But, it's good advice, nonetheless.

I once dated a nurse who worked at UCLA. Redhead. Nice tittahs. Nice blue eyes. She took care of me for a few weeks while I was in the hospital and then for a few weeks more once I was released. I messed up somehow ... probably got drunk, ate some Quaaludes, and said or did some outrageous and unspeakably horrific things or something along those lines. Anyhow, after she broke it off, I called her for a date and she said, "Never go back.". Apparently, I missed my one and only opportunity for a long and loving relationship with that particular nurse. Dang.

FAX

Oh...She wasn't a real redhead. :p

JD10367
01-04-2011, 03:15 PM
Women need a balancing act....They need you to be sweet and they need you to be a bit of an a$$. They all want guys to be sweet in theory but they need a challenge to keep the spark. If you just roll over and nice and sweet 100% of the time then they have no challenge and lose the spark. If you are an a$$ on occassion then they now have the challenge to try and make you really nice and sweet all the time and the spark usually stays. It's a silly game to have to play but unfortunately required for men if they don't want their old ladies getting bored and out shopping for something with the new car smell.

Quite possibly the stupidest thing I've read on the Internet, and that's saying something. A long-term permanent relationship is supposed to be about love. Love is not about "being a bit of an ass" under any circumstances.

Phobia
01-04-2011, 03:17 PM
Frankly, I've no idea how to respond with my relationship wisdom on this thread without seeing pictures of the gal in question.

ChiTown
01-04-2011, 03:17 PM
Quite possibly the stupidest thing I've read on the Internet, and that's saying something. A long-term permanent relationship is supposed to be about love. Love is not about "being a bit of an ass" under any circumstances.

Then you are doing it wrong.............

Donger
01-04-2011, 03:18 PM
Quite possibly the stupidest thing I've read on the Internet, and that's saying something. A long-term permanent relationship is supposed to be about love. Love is not about "being a bit of an ass" under any circumstances.

I don't agree. I would argue that most, if not all, women require drama. Obviously with varying levels from a lot to a little, but I've never known one who was fine with none. Women are CONSTANTLY thinking and/or worrying about things. I don't understand it (and don't really want to), but to ignore it is folly.

tooge
01-04-2011, 03:21 PM
Frankly, I've no idea how to respond with my relationship wisdom on this thread without seeing pictures of the gal in question.

What he said! CP is slacking.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 03:22 PM
I don't agree. I would argue that most, if not all, women require drama. Obviously with varying levels from a lot to a little, but I've never known one who was fine with none. Women are CONSTANTLY thinking and/or worrying about things. I don't understand it (and don't really want to), but to ignore it is folly.

Whatever works for you, I guess. I prefer relationships where I don't act like "a bit of an ass" or give my woman "drama", and get neither in return.

ClevelandBronco
01-04-2011, 03:23 PM
Boys, it really isn't that hard. Most females want you to be just like her best friend, with a penis.

The "with a penis" part only applies before the third child.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 03:23 PM
What he said! CP is slacking.

Not really. He didn't bother with a pic because he knew it would only generate 78 "PIIHB" responses. :D

DaKCMan AP
01-04-2011, 03:25 PM
What he said! CP is slacking.

Post #63

tooge
01-04-2011, 03:26 PM
Not really. He didn't bother with a pic because he knew it would only generate 78 "PIIHB" responses. :D

Yeah, but if he can't have her, then he might as well supply some of his, lets say, off (see meat dragon, billay), CP pals with whack off material.

NaptownChief
01-04-2011, 03:32 PM
Quite possibly the stupidest thing I've read on the Internet, and that's saying something. A long-term permanent relationship is supposed to be about love. Love is not about "being a bit of an ass" under any circumstances.

Sorry to break it to you but there are a ton of things in life that should be simple and straight forward but they aren't.....and women prime among them.

Relationships and marriages are also supposed to be about trust, honesty and fidelity as well. However I hate to inform you that those that are bored and without the spark that comes from a little drama are on Myspace and Facebook trying to get guys they knew from college and high school like me to roll them around in the rack while their husbands and boyfriends aren't looking.

So assuming your wife/girlfriend is still attractive and desirable I recommend you get a little more in tune with reality instead of what is "supposed to be" unless you want to be tasting some other guys junk when you give her a kiss.

Iowanian
01-04-2011, 03:34 PM
Sorry I haven't quoted any of your mancrushes from Jersey Shore. "Yo, Pauly D, aks her if she is DTF (scratch, scratch in the groin area)?"

You seem to know a lot about shows douchebags watch that I never have.

Phobia
01-04-2011, 03:41 PM
Post #63

pics or it didn't happen

That doesn't count.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 03:44 PM
Sorry to break it to you but there are a ton of things in life that should be simple and straight forward but they aren't.....and women prime among them.

Relationships and marriages are also supposed to be about trust, honesty and fidelity as well. However I hate to inform you that those that are bored and without the spark that comes from a little drama are on Myspace and Facebook trying to get guys they knew from college and high school like me to roll them around in the rack while their husbands and boyfriends aren't looking.


So assuming your wife/girlfriend is still attractive and desirable I recommend you get a little more in tune with reality instead of what is "supposed to be" unless you want to be tasting some other guys junk when you give her a kiss.

I think that says more about you, and those two-timers, than it does about me, but thanks anyway.

dirk digler
01-04-2011, 03:49 PM
not away a lot with hockey...She doesn't hang out on week nights anymore because she's either grading papers or she is writing papers to be published.
In the first two years she use to travel with me because she loves seeing new cities. Once the PhD came into play it was a done deal,

I spoke to her today to air some things out, it was a good productive talk. She never lied or hid anything from me & vice versa. She told me "I wish it was another man, it would be easier for both of us....." She feels that we were both too different of people & feels guilty for making me try to be someone I wasn't.

Sorry to hear that but what happened is a lot better than being cheated on.

I'm afraid it's over & damage is done....

What damage did you do?

gblowfish
01-04-2011, 03:51 PM
I'm glad I'm too old for all this "social networking" stuff. Dating was hard enough back in the 1970s and 1980s, before cell phones, and Twitter and Facebook and internet dating and such.

We did have answering machines. So you could screen your calls. But elsewise, you had to communicate face to face with a girl.

I had one girlfriend for all four years of undergrad time, and second one for three years during Master's degree chase. Both have been married for years and have their own kids in college now.

I turned out just fine, thanks to the lovely Mrs. Blowfish.
Thanks Mrs. Blowfish!

I know I sound like the Grumpy Old Man from SNL...

"We only had answering machines and no fancy schmantzy IPhones, but we wrote letters by hand and walked them to the mail box and we LOVED IT!!!!"

Also you could have a slump buster if you needed it, and didn't have to worry about anything worse than the clap or crabs -or pregnancy. World is a much more dangerous place for loose sex now.

Phobia
01-04-2011, 03:55 PM
Sorry to hear that but what happened is a lot better than being cheated on.

Yeah. No doubt. Infidelity leaves the jilted party with trust issues and unresolved anger - years later. But, I don't really know too much about that.

JD10367
01-04-2011, 03:56 PM
Yeah. No doubt. Infidelity leaves the jilted party with trust issues and unresolved anger - years later. But, I don't really know too much about that.

Dude, you just crushed your mouse with your right hand.

dirk digler
01-04-2011, 04:05 PM
Yeah. No doubt. Infidelity leaves the jilted party with trust issues and unresolved anger - years later. But, I don't really know too much about that.

No kidding. It also destroys families and I feel my daughter is paying a huge price for it.

R8RFAN
01-04-2011, 04:28 PM
THIS^^^^^^

If she is gonna get hysterical for you telling her that you're feeling a little neglected than what would happen when some way more intense life problems occur....?

You feeling neglected could even be a sign of realizing she is distancing herself from you. I hate to say this , but her so rapidly wanting to break up after you mentioning feeling neglected could even be a sign she already has found someone else...Someone in her PHD program most likely...A 'friend' of hers.

Take this as a good thing...learn and grow and use this as motivation to hit the gym and find someone who wont give up so easily on you.

You lying sack of shit, you don't even like women

MOhillbilly
01-04-2011, 04:38 PM
ahhh funny

acarter25
01-04-2011, 05:42 PM
Didn't read all the pages, but if she told you she wants it to be done, show her what it's like. Be distant with her and don't let her see that it bothers you too much. If you just keep stickin around pourin out to her she won't realize anything about her own feelings. Get out and try to have fun and get your mind off it, if the distance doesn't bring her back, nothing will and it will end up being a good thing either way. Hang in there.

Sure-Oz
01-04-2011, 07:02 PM
Goodluck...if it's meant to be it will happen. Just leave her alone and do you. Independence is your best friend here, no games just focus on what you have control over. the feelings of wanting her back dont have to be ignored, be strong.

Seperation can be a good thing, trust me, you'll find out even more why you may have loved her and vice versa. If it doesn't work out you did your thing and moved forward.

Over-Head
01-04-2011, 08:05 PM
If a man on this board said, "I love reading women's insight into the male mind", you'd probably call him an idiotic misogynistic neanderthal. Just saying.
No that would be Meme, Luv would just say "i'm confused" :p

Over-Head
01-04-2011, 08:07 PM
I hide nothing from my significant other. There is no reason to. Believe it or don't, but it's the only way you have true intimacy with anyone.

Give me a reason why anything should be hidden.
THIS

Over-Head
01-04-2011, 08:12 PM
Yeah. No doubt. Infidelity leaves the jilted party with trust issues and unresolved anger - years later. But, I don't really know too much about that.
I do, the ex still hates me :evil:

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 04:02 AM
Not to be indelicate, but have you considered that perhaps her egg head world now doesn't mesh well with a hockey player-type?

She sited that we were too different, her answer in the end was that I wasn't the one. She thought I was but I'm not & she it's not fair to get me to be someone I'm not.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 04:11 AM
You can't hang out with her while she is doing those things?



But you said you aren't away much with hockey, correct?



You didn't explain what she meant by "making me try to be someone I wasn't." How did she try to make you into someone you aren't?

Both comments still seem very cliche'. It still seems that there is missing information here. . .

There was no hanging out, I would watch TV while she grades papers. They are essays since she is going for PhD in English. Wouldn't go out like we used to either on Saturday nights, it's evident now that she was just pushing me aside.

Most of my hockey games are within an hours drive here in NYC & my home games are in Manhattan itself...., when we travel it's maybe once a month for Friday & Sat back for Sun type of ordeal so she was down for it.....

Because we were very different she was trying to make me more into her interests & stuff. No doubt we were different, but opposites attract & that certainly was the case for me. Examples are she liked to try new things in everything as where I'm a bit more skeptical to try. Eating healthy is something she's big on that I do 50% of the time. But I exercise like crazy because of hockey & she's big on exercising. Etc etc.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 04:15 AM
Once again too, i know a few people read I'm going for my degree but I'm not 21 & 22. I know LUV asked how young I was to had a few relationships. I'm 26.

It sucks, 26 & restarting. She'll be 28 & restarting. I feel a bit better about the whole situation. if she comes back great & if not great too.....

I won't do it because I'm not ready but I know for a fact there are two or three girls that would like to go out with me. So I know the grass is greener on the other side.

I appreciate all the love & support. I really mean that & the fresh ideas everyone has expressed have been helpful. It's time to shake it off & make 2011 go from a bad start to better start & even better finish.

Phobia
01-05-2011, 04:15 AM
She sited that we were too different, her answer in the end was that I wasn't the one. She thought I was but I'm not & she it's not fair to get me to be someone I'm not.

Did you have a good time for 3 years? Did you learn and grow from this relationship? Has it helped you narrow the dynamics relating to the personality of a gal with whom you would want to spend the rest of your life? Has this relationship left you scarred, hating women, needing a lawyer, paying child or spousal support, or missing half of your worldly possessions?

Frankly, it sounds like you had a great time dude. It hurts, yeah but this one will pass fast. You'll have fond memories of this gal in no time at all. Now, live your life and when the one shows up you'll be in a better spot.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 04:27 AM
Did you have a good time for 3 years? Did you learn and grow from this relationship? Has it helped you narrow the dynamics relating to the personality of a gal with whom you would want to spend the rest of your life? Has this relationship left you scarred, hating women, needing a lawyer, paying child or spousal support, or missing half of your worldly possessions?

Frankly, it sounds like you had a great time dude. It hurts, yeah but this one will pass fast. You'll have fond memories of this gal in no time at all. Now, live your life and when the one shows up you'll be in a better spot.

Oh yeah to the memories, some of the best of my life. The best trip of my life to New Orleans was with her, it was fantastic it was for our 2 year anniversary.

Definitely not scarred by no means, we did have a great time......it does hurt but I got to be strong & be ready to move on in life.

There are things I need to address in my life & straighten out. This is my time to shine & do it.

Pawnmower
01-05-2011, 04:30 AM
There are things I need to address in my life & straighten out. This is my time to shine & do it.

Fuck yah brother.

If she calls, tell her youre doing fine...and hang up. Period. Hit the gym daily.

You got this.

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 04:30 AM
I'm really sorry to hear this bro. These things can be HARD. Whatever you do don't bitch up. Don't beg and whine. Be strong my friend.

Nice, but firm. Be accepting of the things she has said, but don't say you're gonna change.
Be self sufficient. Do not blow up her phone.

The more you try to pull her back to you, the further you will push her away. It's 50/50 right now IMO.

If it doesn't work out in the end. I'm really sorry, but we've all been there.
I know I wanted to die as I laid face first in the carpet for about a month, and carried the pain for what seemed like forever.
That taught me a lot, but I'm not going to lie. It still stings 9 years later. The wounds heal but the scars never go away.
I don't sweat it though......






cause my new GF is WAY HOTTER, and is into more of the same shit that I am.
Old GF used to give me shit about my Chiefs addiction. This GF buys me an Eric Berry jersey, and herself a little tight pink #7. Oh man I grab her by her ass, and throw he on the bed then I....*ahem*..... sorry.



Seriously though, its not the end of the world, even though it feels like it.

OK here comes the REALLY hard part. I'm not doing this to hurt you, but I know women.

99% chance she's met someone. And if you guys are under 25 like I think you are. This is probably the best thing that ever happened to you. If you were ready to break out the ring, her doing this now IS the best thing you could've hoped for. Live your life dude. By your own rules. Do what YOU want to do. Bang some strange.

And just as a word of advice, make sure you've survived something seriously straining, and came out of it stronger before you break out the finger cuff.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 04:35 AM
**** yah brother.

If she calls, tell her youre doing fine...and hang up. Period. Hit the gym daily.

You got this.

yeah, last few days since we were best friends too we've been supportive of each other. it's been odd to tell you the truth but last night I told her it's time to cease....She's been way more hysterical than I am, she has the impression I'm destroyed, which I am, but it's not lasting long. Within a couple of weeks I'll be just fine I feel it.

I go to the gym daily now brother! :) I got to stay in shape for hockey.

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 04:42 AM
There was no hanging out, I would watch TV while she grades papers. They are essays since she is going for PhD in English. Wouldn't go out like we used to either on Saturday nights, it's evident now that she was just pushing me aside.

Most of my hockey games are within an hours drive here in NYC & my home games are in Manhattan itself...., when we travel it's maybe once a month for Friday & Sat back for Sun type of ordeal so she was down for it.....

Because we were very different she was trying to make me more into her interests & stuff. No doubt we were different, but opposites attract & that certainly was the case for me. Examples are she liked to try new things in everything as where I'm a bit more skeptical to try. Eating healthy is something she's big on that I do 50% of the time. But I exercise like crazy because of hockey & she's big on exercising. Etc etc.

This honestly sounds like typical man/women things. Men, and women are never going to be interested in exactly the same things. You humor the on most, and stand by what you want on others. the whole Compromise thing.
Some chicks are spoiled, and cannot handle these things.

And I hate to do this again, but she's been talking to someone, and that someone doesn't wear a skirt. I would bet anything on it.
Cut bait, and find a new one. Or try out a few new ones. This one's not going to compromise, she has been compromised. A girl will try to change you till the end of time, unless she thinks she's found someone who is made of more pliable clay. All the things she is saying now, is creating the space she needs to not feel guilty about what she is doing/going to do. I'm really sorry man.

Just be nice, and let her go. Just let her go. It's not your fault. She's not a liar or a bitch, or slut. These things happen to young people. They just do.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 04:43 AM
I'm really sorry to hear this bro. These things can be HARD. Whatever you do don't bitch up. Don't beg and whine. Be strong my friend.

Nice, but firm. Be accepting of the things she has said, but don't say you're gonna change.
Be self sufficient. Do not blow up her phone.

The more you try to pull her back to you, the further you will push her away. It's 50/50 right now IMO.

If it doesn't work out in the end. I'm really sorry, but we've all been there.
I know I wanted to die as I laid face first in the carpet for about a month, and carried the pain for what seemed like forever.
That taught me a lot, but I'm not going to lie. It still stings 9 years later. The wounds heal but the scars never go away.
I don't sweat it though......






cause my new GF is WAY HOTTER, and is into more of the same shit that I am.
Old GF used to give me shit about my Chiefs addiction. This GF buys me an Eric Berry jersey, and herself a little tight pink #7. Oh man I grab her by her ass, and throw he on the bed then I....*ahem*..... sorry.



Seriously though, its not the end of the world, even though it feels like it.

OK here comes the REALLY hard part. I'm not doing this to hurt you, but I know women.

99% chance she's met someone. And if you guys are under 25 like I think you are. This is probably the best thing that ever happened to you. If you were ready to break out the ring, her doing this now IS the best thing you could've hoped for. Live your life dude. By your own rules. Do what YOU want to do. Bang some strange.

And just as a word of advice, make sure you've survived something seriously straining, and came out of it stronger before you break out the finger cuff.

She hasn't met anyone else.....we've always had honesty. I've left someone before because I was interested in someone else & I wasn't torn up one bit. With her she's hysterical crying, if there was another guy she would be hurt but not hysterical.

and today I feel good.....I feel a little bit better. I have a ton of friends & I have hockey buddies so I'll be keeping busy with that & finishing my degree.

So life will go on....

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 04:51 AM
She hasn't met anyone else.....we've always had honesty. I've left someone before because I was interested in someone else & I wasn't torn up one bit. With her she's hysterical crying, if there was another guy she would be hurt but not hysterical.

and today I feel good.....I feel a little bit better. I have a ton of friends & I have hockey buddies so I'll be keeping busy with that & finishing my degree.

So life will go on....

I've left a lot of girls with zero prospects on my radar. But a girl's brain doesn't work like ours does.................My God. What is wrong with me. I'm sorry dude.
You're right bro. Your'e right......

Everyday will be better.

Pawnmower
01-05-2011, 04:51 AM
She hasn't met anyone else.....we've always had honesty.

SOrry bro...

You may be wrong here....

DOn't just assume this if she is acting like you say she is. I was with someone for longer than 4 years and she acted almost exactly how you describe..

And I found out much later she was a liar and cheated on me.

Just fucking be warned, they are not like us.

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 04:52 AM
Did you have a good time for 3 years? Did you learn and grow from this relationship? Has it helped you narrow the dynamics relating to the personality of a gal with whom you would want to spend the rest of your life? Has this relationship left you scarred, hating women, needing a lawyer, paying child or spousal support, or missing half of your worldly possessions?

Frankly, it sounds like you had a great time dude. It hurts, yeah but this one will pass fast. You'll have fond memories of this gal in no time at all. Now, live your life and when the one shows up you'll be in a better spot.

I wish I would have said this instead

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 04:54 AM
another thing is she has NO family here in NYC & very little friends....She's from Oklahoma but came here to go to NYU.

So the fact that she's willing to accept being VERY lonely is making me think it's over but at the same time thinking once she sees how lonely she will be she'll think twice.

He is wrong PM, but why the **** did I have to be the asshole to make him privy to it.

Girls don't leave guys to be alone, unless she HATES him, and cannot strand the sight of him. Doesn't sound like this is the case with the two of you.

Dunit35
01-05-2011, 04:54 AM
Keep your head up.

Three years ago I had to leave a relationship and I thought it was the end of the world. I am now happier than ever with my fiance of 16 months. She is so much better than any women I've ever dated. She's into sports, guns, cooking, cleaning, playing video games with me...what more could a man ask for?

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:00 AM
SOrry bro...

You may be wrong here....

DOn't just assume this if she is acting like you say she is. I was with someone for longer than 4 years and she acted almost exactly how you describe..

And I found out much later she was a liar and cheated on me.

Just ****ing be warned, they are not like us.

I'm just not going to sit & think about that because it will do me no good you know?


She said there wasn't & that's that for me.

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 05:00 AM
Keep your head up.

Three years ago I had to leave a relationship and I thought it was the end of the world. I am now happier than ever with my fiance of 16 months. She is so much better than any women I've ever dated. She's into sports, guns, cooking, cleaning, playing video games with me...what more could a man ask for?

Fuck yeah dude. And I will bet anything that if this guy just lets this chick walk, he'll find someone that he can be himself around, and not have to worry about someone trying to change him.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:01 AM
**** yeah dude. And I will bet anything that if this guy just lets this chick walk, he'll find someone that he can be himself around, and not have to worry about someone trying to change him.

for sure, I've ceased contact on all ground. It's time to go forward with or without her.

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 05:03 AM
I'm just not going to sit & think about that because it will do me no good you know?


She said there wasn't & that's that for me.

And you know her better than any of us. Don't let what we've said creep into your head if you feel otherwise. Like you said, what good will that kind of thinking do? NONE.

Dunit35
01-05-2011, 05:04 AM
I ceased all contact with her probably a month after we left each other and it felt like a weight was lifted off my back. With the help of a fellow cp member, I was getting much better daily. You'll be on your feet and ready to rock out before you know it.

Pawnmower
01-05-2011, 05:05 AM
Hit the gym.

Forget that bitch.

Everythign she says is lies.

Thats all you need to think of.


(youll thank me in a couple years)

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 05:06 AM
for sure, I've ceased contact on all ground. It's time to go forward with or without her.

You're gonna be fine dude. I turned into a biotch the first time this happened to me. The outta nowhere thing. I had actually already bought the ring. I am sooooooooo glad I never gave it to her. She'd probably be driving around in my Jeep right now.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:09 AM
I ceased all contact with her probably a month after we left each other and it felt like a weight was lifted off my back. With the help of a fellow cp member, I was getting much better daily. You'll be on your feet and ready to rock out before you know it.

thanks dude, within a few weeks I'll be fine. I got get friends that surround me. It doesn't hurt that I'm an alternate captain on my hockey team so a lot of the players have been supportive of me & making sure I'm ok. It's like a small family we have.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:10 AM
Hit the gym.

Forget that bitch.

Everythign she says is lies.

Thats all you need to think of.


(youll thank me in a couple years)

amen, except I'll never see her as a bitch (just no reason to think that) & we were fairly open nothing hidden.

thanks for the support.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:11 AM
You're gonna be fine dude. I turned into a biotch the first time this happened to me. The outta nowhere thing. I had actually already bought the ring. I am sooooooooo glad I never gave it to her. She'd probably be driving around in my Jeep right now.

yeah me too, a lot of people gave me shit for waiting to propose but there were factors that were in place that HAD to be finished first.

I'm glad & I know she's glad it didn't get that far too.

Pawnmower
01-05-2011, 05:11 AM
If a bitch decides one day she doesn't love you, she never did love you.

She just said the words, for whatever reason.

They don't just stop loving....

They either love you or don't.

How anyone can do this for years.....is beyond my understanding.

Dunit35
01-05-2011, 05:16 AM
thanks dude, within a few weeks I'll be fine. I got get friends that surround me. It doesn't hurt that I'm an alternate captain on my hockey team so a lot of the players have been supportive of me & making sure I'm ok. It's like a small family we have.

It'll be easy for you with all those friends.

I had my sister and good friend by my side from day one.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:21 AM
If a bitch decides one day she doesn't love you, she never did love you.

She just said the words, for whatever reason.

They don't just stop loving....

They either love you or don't.

How anyone can do this for years.....is beyond my understanding.

She said she loves me but she's not IN love with me. I've been there before in my life, it happens. I understand & move on.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:33 AM
thanks for the late night help. I'm up a lot during the over night hours and it's the loneliest time of the 24hrs.

I think that will be hard, I use to call her even though she was asleep just to say hello because I would feel less lonely.

Now that option is gone.....I think that scares me to death

Pioli Zombie
01-05-2011, 05:35 AM
Speaking of women has anyone ever gone on a business trip with the hottest MILF in the office? How does one handle this? I'm going to have a perpetual chubby the whole time.

beach tribe
01-05-2011, 05:35 AM
thanks for the late night help. I'm up a lot during the over night hours and it's the loneliest time of the 24hrs.

I think that will be hard, I use to call her even though she was asleep just to say hello because I would feel less lonely.

Now that option is gone.....I think that scares me to death

It will make you stronger.

Dunit35
01-05-2011, 05:36 AM
thanks for the late night help. I'm up a lot during the over night hours and it's the loneliest time of the 24hrs.

I think that will be hard, I use to call her even though she was asleep just to say hello because I would feel less lonely.

Now that option is gone.....I think that scares me to death

the night hours were the loneliest time for me too, when all your support is sleeping. Play some video games, read a book, watch movies that don't involve romantic stuff.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:40 AM
Speaking of women has anyone ever gone on a business trip with the hottest MILF in the office? How does one handle this? I'm going to have a perpetual chubby the whole time.

I did when I was 22 right before I start to see this girl. We had to go to San Diego, she was in charge of AP & I was in charge of Asset management for the client we were going to see.

For me I was single, so we ended having a few drinks & we had sex. I regret it because she had 3 kids & a husband.

She left her husband a few years ago, still not a consolation for me being the other guy / scumbag in that situation.

Pushead2
01-05-2011, 05:41 AM
It will make you stronger.

I hope, I've always felt alone during the overnight hours. it's terrifying to me. I don't know why.