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TinyEvel
02-02-2011, 05:14 PM
LMAO

http://www.funnyordie.com/lists/33528adf0c/the-people-at-every-super-bowl-party?utm_campaign=tweeted

1. Guy who is way too excited for the halftime show.

Overheard: “I can’t wait for the Black Eyed Peas! Ten bucks says they open with ‘I Gotta Feeling.’ I hope there’s some sick surprise, like Bon Jovi playing a mashup with them. That would be tight!”

2. Guy who still thinks commercials are the best part and forces laughter at trite beer ads to prove his point.

Overheard: “Cedric the Entertainer just chose Bud Light over his hot girlfriend! HAHA! CLASSIC!”

3. Degenerate gambler glued to his phone/laptop, betting on every play and prop bet.

Overheard: “click click click click. YES! click click click click. FUCK!”

4. Guy who won’t shut up about his office pool and how he almost won it last year.

Overheard: “Dude, I was this fucking close! This dork from accounting beat me by one point, and he doesn’t know ANYTHING about football. I was so pissed, bro!”

5. Girl who hates football, but cheers for her dickhead boyfriend’s team because he’s a manipulative prick who makes her beg for validation.

Overheard: “Look, honey, they’re making a touchdown kick! Please love me.”

6. Guy who coaches youth football and eagerly breaks down the game’s strategy for the rest of us mere pedestrians.

Overheard: “See, the Packers want to score before halftime, but they don’t want to leave TOO MUCH time on the clock and give the Steelers a chance to score, too. I did the same thing against Springfield in the playoffs. I wasn’t gonna let little Jimmy Burke burn me again!”

7. Guy who saw Drew Brees at the airport and thinks he’s overrated because “he’s not that big.”

Overheard: “I’m telling you, he’s MAAAYBE 6’1” with shoes. He wasn’t even the biggest guy in the terminal. I saw him in line at Jamba Juice, and I totally could have tackled him from behind, but his kid was there and I didn’t want to embarrass him.”

8. Guy who spews esoteric football terms, but can’t explain what they actually mean when pressed.

Overheard: “They need to use zone blitzes to counter those delayed slip screens!”

9. Desperate girl with no self-esteem who pretends to love football and beer so guys will think she’s super cool and fall in love with her.

Overheard: “I’m TOTALLY addicted to football! Most girls spend weekends shopping and working out. Not me. I’d rather chill and watch sports. And I make the BEST game snacks!”

Extra point: She has no idea which teams are actually playing in the game, and the only football players she can name are the ones involved in tabloid gossip.

10. Fat ass who just came for the snacks.

Overheard: “Dude, you can’t eat wings without blue cheese! Ever dip pizza in ranch? It’s phe-NOMINAL!”

Extra point: Will try to flirt with the no-self-esteem girl. Unfortunately, she’ll eventually realize how little he knows about football and that even she can do better.

11. Guy who already has the Packers’ offense solved because he’s “crushed them on Madden a million times.”

Overheard: “Dude, all you need to do is collapse the pocket with the nose tackle, then switch to the blitzing linebacker and knock the shit out of Rodgers with the Hit Stick button.”

12. Socially awkward guy who tries too hard to fit in by overreacting to mundane things.

Overheard: “Offsetting penalties?! We’re all fucked!”

13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”

14. Guy who high-five rapes everybody, even when celebration isn’t warranted.

Overheard: “That’s a 4-yard gain, right up their ass! Don’t leave me hanging, bro!”

15. Guy who tries to teach the token hot girl about football because he thinks she’s impressed by his condescending tutorials.

Overheard: “See that guy with the ball? He’s trying to throw it to one of those little fast guys before the other team tackles him. That’s called a sack. Don’t worry; I didn’t really understand football until I made captain in high school.”

16. Guy who thinks his (obviously premeditated) sexual puns are hilarious.

Overheard: “Time to penetrate the end zone! LOL! They should double-team the tight end! HAHA!”

17. Obese slob who thinks he could be an NFL lineman because he’s “heavier than those guys” and “used to wreck shop in JV.”

Overheard: “People always ask if I play football because I’m such a big guy. I wear 5XL T-shirts. Most of these guys are only 3XLs. I weighed 350 in high school. I would have gone pro if coach didn’t bench me because of my asthma.”

18. Guy who hangs on every word the broadcasters say, praying they’ll misspeak so he can ridicule them.

Overheard: “Did you hear that? He just said this is Roethlisberger’s third Super Bowl in six years. This is his seventh season. Fucking morons!”

19. Guy who is SO FUCKING INTENSE about football that you BETTER NOT FUCKING TALK to him when his team has the ball!

Overheard: “Shut the fuck up, everybody! I want to hear Rodgers’ audibles and all the offensive-line calls! This is the Super Bowl, not fucking happy hour!”

20. Guy who spent the last two weeks memorizing obscure stats to casually rattle off.

Overheard: “Yeah, Rodgers is pretty good, but his passer rating is only 78.2 when rolling to his left in domed stadiums.”

21. Guy who wears a zany wig, shoulder pads and face paint because he’d rather prove he’s a die-hard fan than comfortably enjoy the game.

Overheard: “What do you think of my outfit? I spent two weeks putting it together. I can’t wait to post these pictures on Facebook!”

TinyEvel
02-02-2011, 05:14 PM
It's WAY easier to read if you click the link

Bacon Cheeseburger
02-02-2011, 05:18 PM
heh @ #19

If this Chiefs were in the Super Bowl I'd be a nervous wreck. I'd probably have to watch it alone.

Pestilence
02-02-2011, 05:26 PM
11. Guy who already has the Packers’ offense solved because he’s “crushed them on Madden a million times.”

Overheard: “Dude, all you need to do is collapse the pocket with the nose tackle, then switch to the blitzing linebacker and knock the shit out of Rodgers with the Hit Stick button.”


Hootie.

big nasty kcnut
02-02-2011, 05:31 PM
True i would be so tight that you put a lump of coal up my butt in a week you'll have a diamond

Count Zarth
02-02-2011, 05:35 PM
Every single one of these...is someone on Chiefsplanet...and I was thinking of the people as I read them.

KCrockaholic
02-02-2011, 05:40 PM
LMAO

http://www.funnyordie.com/lists/33528adf0c/the-people-at-every-super-bowl-party?utm_campaign=tweeted




19. Guy who is SO ****ING INTENSE about football that you BETTER NOT ****ING TALK to him when his team has the ball!

Overheard: “Shut the **** up, everybody! I want to hear Rodgers’ audibles and all the offensive-line calls! This is the Super Bowl, not ****ing happy hour!”



That would be me. People know to STFU when the game is on.

-King-
02-02-2011, 05:40 PM
12. Socially awkward guy who tries too hard to fit in by overreacting to mundane things.

Overheard: “Offsetting penalties?! We’re all ****ed!”
Petegz

Rain Man
02-02-2011, 05:43 PM
#19 sounds like a guy I'd like to watch a Super Bowl party with.

Bacon Cheeseburger
02-02-2011, 05:45 PM
#19 sounds like a guy I'd like to watch a Super Bowl party with.
Cool, I'll be over at 3:00. Oh, and I'm also #10 so you and the Mrs better get your asses busy in the kitchen.

Buck
02-02-2011, 05:48 PM
I'm number 19 sans the wanting to hear the audible calls.

KurtCobain
02-02-2011, 05:52 PM
Cool, I'll be over at 3:00. Oh, and I'm also #10 so you and the Mrs better get your asses busy in the kitchen.

All I know about this superbowl is that it has something to do with cheese.

Rain Man
02-02-2011, 05:53 PM
Cool, I'll be over at 3:00. Oh, and I'm also #10 so you and the Mrs better get your asses busy in the kitchen.


I'm #1. We can go through my halftime expectations while it's cooking.

Fat Elvis
02-02-2011, 05:57 PM
13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”



This is CP in a nutshell.

suzzer99
02-02-2011, 06:23 PM
For some reason I giggled at “Offsetting penalties?! We’re all fucked!”

Marcellus
02-02-2011, 06:34 PM
For some reason I giggled at “Offsetting penalties?! We’re all ****ed!”

Have you ever followed a game thread? Holy shit the overreaction to every single negative play is epic.

suzzer99
02-02-2011, 06:47 PM
Yeah I try to avoid them generally as I'm too busy yelling at the TV and/or getting drunk.

Funny or Die should do a riff on something like "If NFL teams were run by homer gameday threads...". Every coach and coordinator would be fired by halftime, and 10-20 players would be traded every game, or released and replaced by an overpriced over-the-hill free-agent.

Over-Head
02-02-2011, 07:17 PM
who needs a Super Bowl party...just go read ANY game day thread in here at least 16 of them types can be found .

WV
02-02-2011, 07:26 PM
I don't know how I'd act if the Chiefs made it.....I don't think I fit any of these though.

Funny list though and I'm sure we all know some of these.

Buehler445
02-02-2011, 08:44 PM
heh @ #19

If this Chiefs were in the Super Bowl I'd be a nervous wreck. I'd probably have to watch it alone.

This happened to me when KU won the national championship. I was running around my house screaming like I just saw a ghost.
Posted via Mobile Device

marcvanrossen
02-02-2011, 08:46 PM
superbowl is going to be gerat this year

Count Zarth
02-02-2011, 09:02 PM
OK, here goes nothing.

1. Guy who is way too excited for the halftime show.

“I can’t wait for the Black Eyed Peas! Ten bucks says they open with ‘I Gotta Feeling.’ I hope there’s some sick surprise, like Bon Jovi playing a mashup with them. That would be tight!”

Nzoner.


2. Guy who still thinks commercials are the best part and forces laughter at trite beer ads to prove his point.

“Cedric the Entertainer just chose Bud Light over his hot girlfriend! HAHA! CLASSIC!”

Buck.


3. Degenerate gambler glued to his phone/laptop, betting on every play and prop bet.

“click click click click. YES! click click click click. FUCK!”

Hootie.


4. Guy who won’t shut up about his office pool and how he almost won it last year.

Overheard: “Dude, I was this fucking close! This dork from accounting beat me by one point, and he doesn’t know ANYTHING about football. I was so pissed, bro!”

TinyEvel


5. Girl who hates football, but cheers for her dickhead boyfriend’s team because he’s a manipulative prick who makes her beg for validation.

Overheard: “Look, honey, they’re making a touchdown kick! Please love me.”

Mer


6. Guy who coaches youth football and eagerly breaks down the game’s strategy for the rest of us mere pedestrians.

Overheard: “See, the Packers want to score before halftime, but they don’t want to leave TOO MUCH time on the clock and give the Steelers a chance to score, too. I did the same thing against Springfield in the playoffs. I wasn’t gonna let little Jimmy Burke burn me again!”

Coach


7. Guy who saw Drew Brees at the airport and thinks he’s overrated because “he’s not that big.”

Overheard: “I’m telling you, he’s MAAAYBE 6’1” with shoes. He wasn’t even the biggest guy in the terminal. I saw him in line at Jamba Juice, and I totally could have tackled him from behind, but his kid was there and I didn’t want to embarrass him.”

BIG_DADDY


8. Guy who spews esoteric football terms, but can’t explain what they actually mean when pressed.

Overheard: “They need to use zone blitzes to counter those delayed slip screens!”

Tribal Warfare


9. Desperate girl with no self-esteem who pretends to love football and beer so guys will think she’s super cool and fall in love with her.

Overheard: “I’m TOTALLY addicted to football! Most girls spend weekends shopping and working out. Not me. I’d rather chill and watch sports. And I make the BEST game snacks!”

Luv


10. Fat ass who just came for the snacks.

Overheard: “Dude, you can’t eat wings without blue cheese! Ever dip pizza in ranch? It’s phe-NOMINAL!”

Phobia


11. Guy who already has the Packers’ offense solved because he’s “crushed them on Madden a million times.”

Overheard: “Dude, all you need to do is collapse the pocket with the nose tackle, then switch to the blitzing linebacker and knock the shit out of Rodgers with the Hit Stick button.”

Hootie


12. Socially awkward guy who tries too hard to fit in by overreacting to mundane things.

Overheard: “Offsetting penalties?! We’re all fucked!”

Frazod


13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Too many to pick just one.


14. Guy who high-five rapes everybody, even when celebration isn’t warranted.

Overheard: “That’s a 4-yard gain, right up their ass! Don’t leave me hanging, bro!”

Mr. Flopnuts


15. Guy who tries to teach the token hot girl about football because he thinks she’s impressed by his condescending tutorials.

Overheard: “See that guy with the ball? He’s trying to throw it to one of those little fast guys before the other team tackles him. That’s called a sack. Don’t worry; I didn’t really understand football until I made captain in high school.”

Donger


16. Guy who thinks his (obviously premeditated) sexual puns are hilarious.

Overheard: “Time to penetrate the end zone! LOL! They should double-team the tight end! HAHA!”

Ari Chi3fs, to a tee.


18. Guy who hangs on every word the broadcasters say, praying they’ll misspeak so he can ridicule them.

Overheard: “Did you hear that? He just said this is Roethlisberger’s third Super Bowl in six years. This is his seventh season. Fucking morons!”

Dane McCloud


19. Guy who is SO FUCKING INTENSE about football that you BETTER NOT FUCKING TALK to him when his team has the ball!

Overheard: “Shut the fuck up, everybody! I want to hear Rodgers’ audibles and all the offensive-line calls! This is the Super Bowl, not fucking happy hour!”

OnTheWarpath58


20. Guy who spent the last two weeks memorizing obscure stats to casually rattle off.

Overheard: “Yeah, Rodgers is pretty good, but his passer rating is only 78.2 when rolling to his left in domed stadiums.”

Obviously this one is me.


21. Guy who wears a zany wig, shoulder pads and face paint because he’d rather prove he’s a die-hard fan than comfortably enjoy the game.

Overheard: “What do you think of my outfit? I spent two weeks putting it together. I can’t wait to post these pictures on Facebook!”

X Factor

XXXshogunXXX
02-02-2011, 09:36 PM
glad I can say I dont hang out with any of these type of people.


but I have seen plenty of #2, and #12 randomly. Theyre the same person. Just smile and nod when they look at you.

kcfanXIII
02-02-2011, 09:52 PM
If the chiefs make it i would be #19. I don't like super bowl parties, Im a football fan. I once went off on someone for telling me to be quiet the commercials were on. The food is usually good but i really just want to watch the game, and not deal with stupid people. If it were the Chiefs I could only watch with fellow #19s.

Simply Red
02-02-2011, 09:55 PM
that whole Funny or Die outfit is god damned hilarious. Especially 'morning chapel' I think it's called. That skit at church is fab....!!

Count Zarth
02-02-2011, 09:56 PM
If it were the Chiefs I could only watch with fellow #19s.

I feel the same way.

I would be dialed into every play with laser-like focus. I'd be like a boxer going to the corner of the ring every commercial break.

luv
02-02-2011, 10:04 PM
I guess I would be #9, except for the extra point.

And I don't pretend to love football.

kcfanXIII
02-02-2011, 10:11 PM
I feel the same way.

I would be dialed into every play with laser-like focus. I'd be like a boxer going to the corner of the ring every commercial break.

I still haven't forgiven the girl I was dating who made me watch the '97 playoff game with her and her dad instead of with my brother (with whom I had watched every game that year.) So Im superstitious as well. Don't Fuck with mojo...

WebGem
02-02-2011, 10:26 PM
I'm prolly #19 but it wouldn't just be when my team has the ball. What's the difference of having the ball or not? It's still an important time of the game.

listopencil
02-03-2011, 12:08 AM
19

DaneMcCloud
02-03-2011, 12:14 AM
Hootie.

I disagree.

I think ALL of them apply to Hootie.

Nzoner
02-03-2011, 06:04 AM
OK, here goes nothing.



Nzoner.




WTF?You may have been closer if it was ZZ Top or another classic band but the Black Eyed Peas :spock:

Sofa King
02-03-2011, 07:24 AM
13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”






this is every raider fan, every year.

blaise
02-03-2011, 08:32 AM
They forgot the guy that thinks people want to hear about him reflecting on his entire fantasy football season, and how it relates to players in the game.

KCUnited
02-03-2011, 08:39 AM
They forgot Draft Revisionist Guy, who lists off every bum that his team drafted before 'such and such' player who just touched the ball in the SB, for the entire room to hear.

tooge
02-03-2011, 08:47 AM
I'm guy that comes over for the food and the pool if my team isn't in it, has a few beers, goes home before its over, and watches the food network. Then cringes when he's listening to sports radio the next day and they spend all day talking about two teams that aren't even in the area and K State.

loochy
02-03-2011, 09:08 AM
My super bowl parties don't have anywhere near 21 people. I don't even KNOW 21 people. I have 1 friend. I guess that 1 friend will have to be all 21 annoying people in one. :huh:

Over-Head
02-03-2011, 10:54 AM
13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”






this is every raider fan, every year.

We took pointers from you bunch in here :D

Lzen
02-03-2011, 11:10 AM
This happened to me when KU won the national championship. I was running around my house screaming like I just saw a ghost.
Posted via Mobile Device

This. I debated on whether to have some friends over. I ended up just watching with my family. Looking back, I wish I had invited friends and just enjoyed the moment. /shrug

Lzen
02-03-2011, 11:19 AM
13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”






This is the entire sports media talking about the Raiders before every season (for the entire decade of the 90s and several years into the 00s).

FYP

Rain Man
02-03-2011, 12:03 PM
My super bowl parties don't have anywhere near 21 people. I don't even KNOW 21 people. I have 1 friend. I guess that 1 friend will have to be all 21 annoying people in one. :huh:

I had to start a company and hire people so the implicit threat of being fired would make them come to my parties.

loochy
02-03-2011, 12:19 PM
Who needs friends when you have ChiefsPlanet and sports talk radio?

Rain Man
02-03-2011, 12:31 PM
Who needs friends when you have ChiefsPlanet and sports talk radio?

Is that just an excuse to not attend my next party?

loochy
02-03-2011, 12:46 PM
Is that just an excuse to not attend my next party?

That depends. Are you willing to hire me?

Halfcan
02-03-2011, 12:50 PM
yep great list!

Frazod
02-03-2011, 12:51 PM
heh @ #19

If this Chiefs were in the Super Bowl I'd be a nervous wreck. I'd probably have to watch it alone.

This. THIS!

Christ, if the Chiefs ever went to the Super Bowl I'd be a nervous wreck from the minute the AFC Championship Game ended. I'd probably get fired because I couldn't get anything done at work. I'd probably tell my wife to leave the house the day before the game. Actually, she would have probably done it on her own days earlier. No way would I be able to watch that around other people - I wouldn't be able to maintain my shit for 30 seconds. Every perceived slight by a talking head would send me into a rage. A crucial blown call would probably mean a hammer through the TV screen. And unless the game was a piss-pounding blowout from the opening quarter (in our favor), I wouldn't be able to enjoy it at all. And if it was a close game, I'd probably have a heart attack before it ended. And if we lost, I'd probably go on a homicidal rampage later.

Probably for the best, then, that we suck. :D