PDA

View Full Version : Football Hypothetical: You and the NSFL.


Rain Man
02-28-2011, 11:20 PM
Hypothetical:

It's a Saturday afternoon, and you're sitting in your Barcalounger watching NFL Network's "Top Ten False Start Penalties" when you hear the mailman coming up onto your porch. Keeping a tradition started by your departed pug, you run over and start barking hysterically at him until he closes your mailbox and leaves, muttering under his breath.

Having protected the porch, you then retrieve your mail and head back to the Barcalounger just in time to see Ron Yary's false start against the Bengals in 1972. You sift through the mail.

Capital One credit card ad.

Water bill.

Donation solicitation from a nonprofit that offers cowboy poetry readings to orphans.

Capital One credit card ad.

Capital One credit card ad.

And whoa, what's this? It's a letter from a new football league called the NSFL, and they want to offer you a contract with their new team in Miami. The letter contains a plane ticket and a hotel voucher for the Four Seasons in South Beach, plus several coupons for free celery at the local supermarket.

You've put on a few pounds, sure, but you were second-team all-conference in high school, and once scored four touchdowns in a game, though you never told anyone that you trapped the ball on the last touchdown reception. You can still play. And the money is pretty good.

So you go.

You show up at the hotel, live it up for an evening, do a few pushups, and then the next day you show up at the stadium.

There's been a terrible mistake.

As it turns out, your name is nearly identical to that of a rising young female supermodel from Latvia. All you have to do is change a couple of letters to get her name, and some intern accidentally did that. So they didn't mean to invite you to the tryouts for the brand new Naked Supermodel Football League.

Due to a loophole in Title IX, they have to keep you on the roster. And as it turns out, you're a pretty good player when the other 21 players on the field weigh 108 pounds, run and throw like girls, and have high centers of gravity if you know what I mean. So you can play any position you want.

So here's your question. You're going to be a Sixty-Minute Player, playing both offense and defense. You get to pick your position to play. We'll cover two different scenarios.

Scenario 1. Winning isn't a huge deal, because it's primarily for entertainment. You get paid no matter what, and your goal is to maximize your enjoyment.

Scenario 2. It's primarily for entertainment, but the team that wins the championship gets $1 million per player.


So, keeping in mind that you will be on the field playing tackle football with 21 completely naked supermodels, what positions will you play on offense and defense?

Poll coming.

SNR
02-28-2011, 11:24 PM
It's obvious that you play QB on offense

KurtCobain
02-28-2011, 11:26 PM
So, keeping in mind that you will be on the field playing tackle football with 21 completely naked supermodels, what positions will you play on offense and defense?

I always read the bottom of long posts for some reason first, so uh, yeah. Wow.

Rain Man
02-28-2011, 11:32 PM
It's obvious that you play QB on offense

Do you really want to play a position where there's no contact? Though admittedly, taking the snaps would be fun.

T-post Tom
02-28-2011, 11:32 PM
Rainman's been hitting the peyote and the Carlos Castaneda books again. Mrs. Rainman isn't going to be pleased.

-King-
02-28-2011, 11:42 PM
Guard on offense and DT on defense. Bring on the contact.

T-post Tom
02-28-2011, 11:49 PM
Center could be interesting. Is the QB good with her hands?

KurtCobain
02-28-2011, 11:51 PM
Hey Kevin, you were selected in the first round of the Planeteer draft!

You now work for kysirsoze's canine leukemia! Congrats!

AndI love to penetrate up the middle with these women as a fullback.

SNR
02-28-2011, 11:51 PM
Do you really want to play a position where there's no contact? Though admittedly, taking the snaps would be fun.You're the leader. You get to see everything (though arguably the RBs gets that too). And yeah, the snaps is what I was going for.

Count Alex's Losses
02-28-2011, 11:51 PM
1. QB - So I fuck all of them after the game is over, and unlimited pussy play during the game. No shotgun snaps necessary.

2. MLB - unlimited groping

3. HB - Take all of those little bitches to tackle me

4. DE - Rape city, plus bonus boob grabs.

Rain Man
03-01-2011, 12:13 AM
On defense, I think cornerback is underrated. You'd see receivers running play after play, and you'd also get to see all the power sweeps coming your way.

T-post Tom
03-01-2011, 12:32 AM
Shaun Smith does NOT approve this thread.

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4051/4267753584_1448bec42d.jpg

RippedmyFlesh
03-01-2011, 02:33 AM
You're the leader. You get to see everything (though arguably the RBs gets that too). And yeah, the snaps is what I was going for.

QB sneak would be play of choice.