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JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:08 PM
Backstory:

Me - 28 years old, just divorced with wife of 6 months, dated her since high school (9 years). No kids, no house, completely separated and all in the past now.

I am about a 5-6 on a 1-10 scale in terms of looks. I make up for it in wit and humor but am also somewhat shy, though I do have confidence when necessary. Keep in mind, I have been off the market since I was 18, and was a nerdy quiet guy in high school, so therefore gained no experience in the art of seduction.

Her - 28 year old girl that I work with (1st problem, I know). Just my type, kind of shy, but very good looking. She is witty, funny, and actually interesting. Extremely cute.

She just started at my company a month ago. We have gone out as a group after work, and we had a good rapport.

We have been lightly flirting at the office, mostly teasing. She has made it a point to come over and talk to me, and send me emails when she is bored.

She has also asked things like "What are you doing this weekend?", then proceeds to tell me how busy she is.

And this is where the problem begins.

What is the next step? Anyone have any tips or advice?

And yes, I am prepared to wade through the piles of shit you all level at me in order to find a few nuggets of good advice. Have at it.

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:09 PM
You need to just whip out the wiz.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:10 PM
You need to just whip out the wiz.

Does that still work?

DaneMcCloud
03-02-2011, 10:11 PM
:facepalm:

/#notwinning

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:11 PM
What worked for me in high school was to have a friend say to her, "Hey, do you like the Wiz?" If the answer is yes, then you ask her out. If the answer is no, then you stalk her and try to force her to love you.

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:13 PM
Rainman is correct as usual, if you cannot win her over with the wiz, you must then stalk and eventually kill her. If not you wouldn't let it come to that, then this isn't 'the one'.

SPchief
03-02-2011, 10:14 PM
Uh, date rape pill?

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:14 PM
What worked for me in high school was to have a friend say to her, "Hey, do you like the Wiz?" If the answer is yes, then you ask her out. If the answer is no, then you stalk her and try to force her to love you.

So what you are telling me is it is the same as high school? I'll just have a friend go up to her and ask her if she thinks I'm cute.

tk13
03-02-2011, 10:14 PM
Tell her you are a drug and when she takes you her face will melt and you will stand over her exploded body.

mlyonsd
03-02-2011, 10:15 PM
Easy.

Ask her if she'd like to go for dinner and a movie, your treat.

Her answer will tell you what you want to know.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:15 PM
Uh, date rape pill?

Is there a specific one? Can't I just use Ambien or something?

sportsman1
03-02-2011, 10:15 PM
Anti-freeze coffee?

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:16 PM
Easy.

Ask her if she'd like to go for dinner and a movie, your treat.

Her answer will tell you what you want to know.

Easy enough, but this is a very small office. I am not worried about what other people think, but worried that it could cause trouble if I read the signals wrong.

KC Tattoo
03-02-2011, 10:16 PM
Don't stick your pin in company ink. That's my advise.

SPchief
03-02-2011, 10:16 PM
Stalking works also

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:16 PM
Starbucks is a good one.

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:16 PM
So what you are telling me is it is the same as high school? I'll just have a friend go up to her and ask her if she thinks I'm cute.

Not quite. The friend can't ask if she thinks you're cute. The friend has to ask if she likes you. Women are weird, because she may like you even if you're not cute. Think about the man and woman on that King of Queens show.

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-02-2011, 10:17 PM
Forget it, you're already in the friend zone.

Dante84
03-02-2011, 10:17 PM
Continue on with the happy hours. Spend some quality 1-1 conversational time as the HH goes on. Keep in mind, your job is more important, so watch how forward or obvious it is if there are coworkers present that will gossip and are capable of shitting on your chest, job-wise.

Eventually, plan something substantial with her and other coworkers... Spring is coming - how about a softball/kickball team?

The flirting will progress naturally if it is meant to. When you have an opportunity to ask her to something that you both have in common, don't pass it up. That knew movie you were laughing about? Boom. That band you both like? Boom. That new restaurant for lunch? Boom.

Keep it as a group, and progressively weasel out the coworkers until you and her are hanging out on the reg.











Then fuck her in the butt and tell all of us about it.

Rams Fan
03-02-2011, 10:17 PM
Forget it, you're already in the friend zone.

The friend zone sucks.

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:18 PM
Forget it, you're already in the friend zone.

He's gonna bust a nut all over that zone.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:18 PM
Not quite. The friend can't ask if she thinks you're cute. The friend has to ask if she likes you. Women are weird, because she may like you even if you're not cute. Think about the man and woman on that King of Queens show.

I was thinking about passing her a note asking her "Do you like me, check one". Simple and non-confrontational.

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:18 PM
Since we're helping you, you have to explain the positions used after you fuck the life out of her.

SPchief
03-02-2011, 10:19 PM
pics?

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:19 PM
Another thing you can do is to walk up to her and ask her to marry you. When she gets all weird and says no, you then say, "Oh, okay. Well, then, would you at least go out with me?" Going out will seem like such a low bar that she'll say yes.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:19 PM
Continue on with the happy hours. Spend some quality 1-1 conversational time as the HH goes on. Keep in mind, your job is more important, so watch how forward or obvious it is if there are coworkers present that will gossip and are capable of shitting on your chest, job-wise.

Eventually, plan something substantial with her and other coworkers... Spring is coming - how about a softball/kickball team?

The flirting will progress naturally if it is meant to. When you have an opportunity to ask her to something that you both have in common, don't pass it up. That knew movie you were laughing about? Boom. That band you both like? Boom. That new restaurant for lunch? Boom.

Keep it as a group, and progressively weasel out the coworkers until you and her are hanging out on the reg.

Then fuck her in the butt and tell all of us about it.

I like all of your points. I will not skimp on the details if it gets that far.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:20 PM
Another thing you can do is to walk up to her and ask her to marry you. When she gets all weird and says no, you then say, "Oh, okay. Well, then, would you at least go out with me?" Going out will seem like such a low bar that she'll say yes.

Nice. Do I need a ring for that?

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:20 PM
Since we're helping you, you have to explain the positions used after you fuck the life out of her.

Deal.

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:20 PM
Another thing you can do is to walk up to her and ask her to marry you. When she gets all weird and says no, you then say, "Oh, okay. Well, then, would you at least go out with me?" Going out will seem like such a low bar that she'll say yes.

Or her could ask if he can fuck her right then, right there. If she says no, then he can ask her if she'll blow him at the movies that night atleast.

trndobrd
03-02-2011, 10:20 PM
Lunch. Just mention the restaurant down the street and ask if she would like to go. The most low-key of all the date scenarios, not too cozy, defined time limit, inexpensive. Just eat, chat and go back to work. If things work out OK, try it again, and then in a few weeks it will be tournament time*, see if she is up to catch an NCAA tournament game at the bar around the corner after work.


*If she doesn't like college basketball, quit wasting your time right now.

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:20 PM
pics?

You mean like Brett Favre?

That could work.

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-02-2011, 10:20 PM
Nice. Do I need a ring for that?
Only a cock ring.

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:21 PM
Or you could just fucking kill her. Chop her fucking head off and bury the evidence and none of this matters. Pressure off.

mlyonsd
03-02-2011, 10:21 PM
Easy enough, but this is a very small office. I am not worried about what other people think, but worried that it could cause trouble if I read the signals wrong.

There is nothing wrong with asking a girl to dinner. Nothing.

Your inhibitions are standing in the way.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:22 PM
You mean like Brett Favre?

That could work.

Don't have the phone number yet. I could send by email though.

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:22 PM
Or her could ask if he can **** her right then, right there. If she says no, then he can ask her if she'll blow him at the movies that night atleast.


Good point. It's a slightly different variant of the same basic model.

Is there another woman in the office who might be willing to step in and invite this woman to a threesome with you? Then when she says yes, the other woman can back out at the last moment and voila! It's a date.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:22 PM
Or you could just fucking kill her. Chop her fucking head off and bury the evidence and none of this matters. Pressure off.

That seems like more hassle then it is worth.

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-02-2011, 10:23 PM
Or you could just fucking kill her. Chop her fucking head off and bury the evidence and none of this matters. Pressure off.
This is solid. And to think there's people who say you can't get good advice on a football message board.

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:23 PM
Nice. Do I need a ring for that?


It wouldn't hurt. Otherwise, if she says yes and you don't have a ring, it would blow the whole plan.

Dante84
03-02-2011, 10:23 PM
This reminded me of a couple Redthat threads, but I thought it might apply here.

http://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=237060&page=3


Well, I posted this advice before, but this seems like a situation where it should be recycled:

http://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost....0&postcount=31


You should work really, really hard to become her friend, and make her mix tapes and talk to her about her guy problems. Remember all sorts of little important details about her, and make an effort to buy her little gifts here and there. Call her buddy and pal a whole bunch.

Talk to the guys that she dates and tell them that she is really special and that they should respect her and treat her right- because she is a great girl. Get mad at her for not liking you more sometimes but don't tell her why, and then the next day be her best friend again. Continue the cycle randomly.

Later on, when she is getting married to some guy, scream her name really loud and tell her that you are madly in love with her. She will slap you, and cry, and you will walk out like an asshole and go to some bar and end up getting arrested a few hours later for pissing on a bus stop and telling a cop to "mind [his] own fucking business, asshole!"

When you get home, smelling like prison, beer, and piss that you got on yourself while getting arrested, sit alone in the bathtub with no water and the lights off and cry. Softly at first, but then louder and harder until your upstairs neighbor bangs on the ceiling and tells you to "shut up down there!"

Go to bed with cheeks stained with tears, thinking of how you will never know her love.


It sounds crazy, I know, but it just...might....work!

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:23 PM
Good point. It's a slightly different variant of the same basic model.

Is there another woman in the office who might be willing to step in and invite this woman to a threesome with you? Then when she says yes, the other woman can back out at the last moment and voila! It's a date.

Or if the other women is decent looking and smelling, then he could just do the threesome.

Options galore! Thank you for using the Planet!

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:24 PM
That seems like more hassle then it is worth.

It depends on how much clay is in the soil where you live.

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:24 PM
That seems like more hassle then it is worth.

Naw, it's worth it. This bitch is trouble. There's truth in that.

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:25 PM
Lunch. Just mention the restaurant down the street and ask if she would like to go. The most low-key of all the date scenarios, not too cozy, defined time limit, inexpensive. Just eat, chat and go back to work. If things work out OK, try it again, and then in a few weeks it will be tournament time*, see if she is up to catch an NCAA tournament game at the bar around the corner after work.


*If she doesn't like college basketball, quit wasting your time right now.


Actually, this seems like a good idea. And with a little planning beforehand, maybe you could do my threesome strategy with the waitress.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:25 PM
Or if the other women is decent looking and smelling, then he could just do the threesome.

Options galore! Thank you for using the Planet!

I think I would also opt for the threesome in this situation.

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:26 PM
Have you thought about just sticking it in?

Tribal Warfare
03-02-2011, 10:27 PM
look for the luv thread about dating you'll find plenty advice and then some there

tk13
03-02-2011, 10:27 PM
Does your company have a policy against using nerve gas in the workplace?

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:28 PM
Does your company have a policy against using nerve gas in the workplace?

Or a nice little sledge to the back of the head?

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:28 PM
I think I would also opt for the threesome in this situation.

Now we need to come up with a strategy to get the second woman.

Hmm...

Is there perhaps a third woman in the office who would approach the second woman and ask about her interest in a foursome if she can recruit the first woman?

trndobrd
03-02-2011, 10:28 PM
Actually, this seems like a good idea. And with a little planning beforehand, maybe you could do my threesome strategy with the waitress.


I didn't explicitly say "lunch at Hooters", I figured it was understood.

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:29 PM
Have you thought about just sticking it in?

At some point she has to bend over to get something from the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet. You just have to wait till the right moment.

trndobrd
03-02-2011, 10:29 PM
Now we need to come up with a strategy to get the second woman.

Hmm...

Is there perhaps a third woman in the office who would approach the second woman and ask about her interest in a foursome if she can recruit the first woman?



Office party at that Asian Massage place down the block?

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:30 PM
Now we need to come up with a strategy to get the second woman.

Hmm...

Is there perhaps a third woman in the office who would approach the second woman and ask about her interest in a foursome if she can recruit the first woman?

You may need a fifth woman in case you have to kill a couple of them.



<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cpMTOqKOcMI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Just Passin' By
03-02-2011, 10:31 PM
Office party at that Asian Massage place down the block?

If he's going that route, why would he need the co-worker?

pr_capone
03-02-2011, 10:31 PM
Forget it, you're already in the friend zone.

It will be ok though...

http://i52.tinypic.com/34sm8op.jpg

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:32 PM
You know what? I'll fuck her for you. Or kill her. Your choice.

All I want is 1,293,911.87 and a birthday party at Taco Bell hosted my Jon Ritter.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:33 PM
You may need a fifth woman in case you have to kill a couple of them.

Thank you for this. Honestly. Thank you.

SPchief
03-02-2011, 10:33 PM
Dick in a box?

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-02-2011, 10:33 PM
I think John Ritter is dead.

Just Passin' By
03-02-2011, 10:33 PM
You know what? I'll **** her for you. Or kill her. Your choice.

All I want is 1,293,911.87 and a birthday party at Taco Bell hosted my Jon Ritter.

Why not Chipotle?

SPchief
03-02-2011, 10:33 PM
Jesus, Antifreeze

KurtCobain
03-02-2011, 10:33 PM
Dick in a box?

Tell her it's a spider!

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:34 PM
I think John Ritter is dead.

He's still more fun than me at a party.

SPchief
03-02-2011, 10:34 PM
The real question is do you know where she lives?

AustinChief
03-02-2011, 10:35 PM
Find something fun that you want to do from here http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/events/search/

casually mention you are going and ask if she'd like to join you.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:35 PM
Jesus, Antifreeze

In that order?

SPchief
03-02-2011, 10:36 PM
In that order?

If Jesus is in her, then you'll need the antifreeze

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:37 PM
Find something fun that you want to do from here http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/events/search/

casually mention you are going and ask if she'd like to join you.

The Phoenix Pyschic Fair seems like a good first date, eh?

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:38 PM
Another good thing to do is start with subliminal messages. Send out memos that say stuff like:


I would like to share my opinion on the Tankersly deal.
Would Tankersly accept a price discount of 5 percent?
Like it or not, we may need to discount a bit.
To get his business would be superb.
Mount Everest of clients, he is.
You can see me if you have any questions.

Rain Man
03-02-2011, 10:39 PM
Find something fun that you want to do from here http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/events/search/

casually mention you are going and ask if she'd like to join you.


Just to be clear, this advice applies to everyone but Hog Farmer.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 10:39 PM
Another good thing to do is start with subliminal messages. Send out memos that say stuff like:


I would like to share my opinion on the Tankersly deal.
Would Tankersly accept a price discount of 5 percent?
Like it or not, we may need to discount a bit.
To get his business would be superb.
Mount Everest of clients, he is.
You can see me if you have any questions.

It took me awhile, but I got it. That may just work.

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-02-2011, 10:41 PM
Another good thing to do is start with subliminal messages. Send out memos that say stuff like:


I would like to share my opinion on the Tankersly deal.
Would Tankersly accept a price discount of 5 percent?
Like it or not, we may need to discount a bit.
To get his business would be superb.
Mount Everest of clients, he is.
You can see me if you have any questions.
Damn, you are good.

SPchief
03-02-2011, 10:41 PM
Are you still getting it on with the ex?

AustinChief
03-02-2011, 10:41 PM
The Phoenix Pyschic Fair seems like a good first date, eh?

sweet, do your research, find a psychic that will be there, pay said psychic ahead of time to make some cheesy far fetched prediction that the perfect man for her will do xx and yy and be zz... go to the fair and casually mention she should get a "reading" .. wander off so you can't possible hear the reading... then later that night do xx, yy and be zz...

TADA!

Assuming it is far fetched enough, she will see right through it and you will be seen as the most romantic/fun guy ever... or she is dense and will believe it and you are in anyway!

Sadly, that's actually not a bad plan.

AustinChief
03-02-2011, 10:44 PM
sweet, do your research, find a psychic that will be there, pay said psychic ahead of time to make some cheesy far fetched prediction that the perfect man for her will do xx and yy and be zz... go to the fair and casually mention she should get a "reading" .. wander off so you can't possible hear the reading... then later that night do xx, yy and be zz...

TADA!

Assuming it is far fetched enough, she will see right through it and you will be seen as the most romantic/fun guy ever... or she is dense and will believe it and you are in anyway!

Sadly, that's actually not a bad plan.

ok, now that I think about it, you may need to prep the psychic to tell her the reading must be "private" AND have the psychic tell her NOT to share the reading with anyone or it could alter the outcome.. kind of like a Heisenberg thing...

Dante84
03-02-2011, 10:45 PM
Oh, also just watch the first 3 seasons of The Office, Jim.

JoeyChuckles
03-02-2011, 11:03 PM
Oh, also just watch the first 3 seasons of The Office, Jim.

Already on that one. That has kind of been my path thus far.

rockymtnchief
03-02-2011, 11:06 PM
"Accidentally" walk by her cubicle nekkid. Wait for positive or negative reaction.

Check yes or no note on her desk. (maybe is optional)

BigMeatballDave
03-02-2011, 11:13 PM
Tits or GTFO

Bambi
03-02-2011, 11:16 PM
Don't go to BYU or yull get kiked off the team...

wutamess
03-02-2011, 11:21 PM
Dude just keep emailing her and talking to her. If you have IM that'd work wonders for you. Just keep having the "you're bored" IM's. Does she talk /email anyone else?

Actually (my Beavis lightbulb just came on), you can ask her about it jokingly like this...
"I bet you email everybody when you're bored huh??
Then something along the lines of...
"I thought I was special. My stunning good looks usually have them all emailing me only but you're a new breed that sends them out liberally."

Or simply asking if she's cheating on you (meaning by emailing everyone else or something jokingly).
All kinds of ways to angle it dude. Grow a pair.
Her reply will tell you all you need to know.</lightbulb>

Jewish Rabbi
03-02-2011, 11:46 PM
Forget it, you're already in the friend zone.

If she puts you in the friend zone, put her in the rape zone.

Jerm
03-02-2011, 11:48 PM
If she puts you in the friend zone, put her in the Roethlisberger zone.

:thumb:

Chief_For_Life58
03-02-2011, 11:56 PM
just grow a pair already n go talk to her

Phobia
03-02-2011, 11:56 PM
Here's what you do... smack her right square on the behind. Make it sting a little. Then squeeze. Latch on. If she whirls around, looks surprised, and smiles you're golden. If she hollers, screams, kicks, bites, stabs or shoots you chances are that this is not a match made in heaven.

Jerm
03-02-2011, 11:57 PM
You could just go full on Favre and text her pics of your wang.

Short Leash Hootie
03-03-2011, 12:02 AM
there is this cute 23 year old girl I work with that is very flirtatious with everyone and gives the wrong signal to a bunch of desperate douche bags I work with as she has a very serious boyfriend...

I have a girlfriend so I get to sit back as everyone hits on her as she "hits" on them back and gives them all false hope and I find it pretty hilarious.

work place flirtations are the best

JOhn
03-03-2011, 12:06 AM
The Stalking idea is a very good one.

But I gotta say Rainmans suggestion of a 3-some was a home run. Frankly I misjudged him as I didn't think he was game enough to suggest that:thumb:

But I'm willing to help ya out for free.....

Please email me her name, your company name & location, and I will resolve the situation for you:p

Chiefshrink
03-03-2011, 12:34 AM
:hmmm:

Married at 18. Married for 9yrs and divorced for only 6 mos. Wants to get back into another relationship?

You do support the statistics that say 'men' who are divorced jump right back into a relationship if not marriage within 6mos. to 1yr. Women usually don't get back into a serious relationship/marriage for at least 3-4yrs. Not all but alot of men are just more insecure about not being in a relationship much sooner. Now I realize that you just want a date with this gal, BUT you my friend support the above stats I quoted earlier so I will safely assume you not only want to get laid but you seriously have your eye on this gal based on the words in your post because you did tell on yourself:thumb:

Seriously, you are not ready yet. Especially since you got married soooooooo young and never dated anybody else since your H.S. sweetheart. You need to embrace and feel comfortable in your 'singleness' FIRST before you get in another relationship as you do some serious self-reflection and allow yourself to mature somewhat before you pursue another relationship. But you are in "rebound mode". Rebounding because your wife dumped you? Or vice versa,moreso since you have not been with anyone else since H.S. I'm assuming here?

Also, who divorced who ? And please don't give me the "it was mutual" BS routine. There is no such thing as a "mutual divorce". Who wanted out and quit working at the marriage first? What were the biggest issues of conflict? Any infidelity? Did she divorce you? Or vice versa? This will reveal alot about you regardless, and if you are courageous enough to do an honest self introspective assessment so as to give yourself a chance to fix those immature issues you have because we all have them. This will allow you to mature a little so that you can truly enjoy the next relationship.

These questions are important and need to be answered and more importantly answered in depth as to "why"? The reason is, is because unless you "own and clean up" your side of it, you will repeat it in the next relationship(ala marriage). Count on it!!:thumb:

Bottom line: Until you are truly content in your "singleness", "a relationship or marriage" will 'never satisfy'

Chiefshrink
03-03-2011, 12:41 AM
there is this cute 23 year old girl I work with that is very flirtatious with everyone and gives the wrong signal to a bunch of desperate douche bags I work with as she has a very serious boyfriend...

I have a girlfriend so I get to sit back as everyone hits on her as she "hits" on them back and gives them all false hope and I find it pretty hilarious.

work place flirtations are the best

Some chicks are just "Attention whores" and some are not getting it at all from their BFs and will take the attention anyway they can get it, which is a clue in some respect to that girl.
Is she an attention whore or in a bad relationship she feels intimidated to end so she gets her warm fuzzies elsewhere???

Short Leash Hootie
03-03-2011, 12:52 AM
nah I don't think that's what it is with this girl...

she's just really nice and I suppose that can be misconstrued as flirtation...as almost every dude in there is all over her

I know when chicks would cheat on their BF and I know when they wouldn't...pretty good at reading that at this point in my life...and she wouldn't

so it cracks me up when all of those people waste their time trying to sway her

Chiefshrink
03-03-2011, 12:59 AM
nah I don't think that's what it is with this girl...

she's just really nice and I suppose that can be misconstrued as flirtation...as almost every dude in there is all over her

I know when chicks would cheat on their BF and I know when they wouldn't...pretty good at reading that at this point in my life...and she wouldn't

so it cracks me up when all of those people waste their time trying to sway her

:thumb:

Pushead2
03-03-2011, 01:02 AM
PIIHB

bowener
03-03-2011, 01:04 AM
Tell her about your tiger blood and flaming fists. If it gets porn stars into bed, I am sure it can get an office gal into bed.

tooge
03-03-2011, 07:37 AM
have someone give her a note that says:

The Wiz Likes You
Do You Like The Wiz (check one(
Yes___
NO___

DaKCMan AP
03-03-2011, 07:40 AM
Be Awesome.

Deberg_1990
03-03-2011, 07:42 AM
:facepalm:

/#notwinning


This thread is full of lose.

Steron
03-03-2011, 07:43 AM
Take her to the movies.
Buy popcorn.
Cut hole in the bottom of the box.
Insert penis into hole.
Offer her popcorn.

#WINNER

Omaha
03-03-2011, 07:48 AM
PIIHB

It took 7 pages to find the right answer?!?!?!?! You guys are slipping.

seclark
03-03-2011, 07:51 AM
take her to denny's and have her ask the people at the next table for their bottle of maple syrup.
sec

keg in kc
03-03-2011, 07:52 AM
I could give you some advice, my story's similar, I was divorced at 30, no kids, no house, although I'm a good bit lower on the looks scale, maybe a 2 on a good day. But, unfortunately, I've never worked with anyone cute, and my master plan has been to not date at all for the last 7 years. So that probably wouldn't work.

J Diddy
03-03-2011, 07:55 AM
Use the MotherLover method.

Hit her with a club caveman style. Take her to your home. Hit her with the same club in the next morning. Take her elsewhere while she's out so she can't find her way back.

KCUnited
03-03-2011, 07:56 AM
Slip her a note with your 40 time, your post combine mock, and a box for her to fill in a time she wants to ****.

Omaha
03-03-2011, 07:59 AM
Get her a dog that has a big problem with cats & may or may not have anger issues.

BigRock
03-03-2011, 08:03 AM
Have you explained to her that you're The Wiz and nobody beats you?

It sounds like the thing you're hung up on the most is the idea of asking out a co-worker. There's no hidden secret anywhere. If you think the risk is worth it, ask her out. If you don't, either forget about it or try to get her fired.

Iowanian
03-03-2011, 08:05 AM
The advice I have that you should listen to the most is don't F chics from work.


Since you're not going to listen to that(because no one in the history of Chiefsplanet ever has).....and your game is so off and out of practice, there is only one sure fire, can't miss solution to your problem.

Get this girl an account here, have her log in, and let your friends at Chiefsplanet dot com do the work for you. All you'll have left to do is make her tummy smell like BRUTE and sour milk.

your friend,
IoWINian.

Iowanian
03-03-2011, 08:07 AM
take her to denny's and have her ask the people at the next table for their bottle of maple syrup.
sec


This really only works if he employs the Hootie method and gets her a 2 liter of Purple Panty Dropper first.

RockChalk
03-03-2011, 08:08 AM
Then **** her in the butt and tell all of us about it.

MTG, is that you?

Pants
03-03-2011, 08:09 AM
Take her to lunch, get her phone number and start texting each other. Eventually, start having a movie night or some shit like that at either your place or hers. Once you're in that far, things will start happening. You know, like scooting closer to each other, putting your arm around her, putting your hand on her leg and eventually her going down on you. Not that hard, really. Remember to always keep it in the back of your mind that you're a good catch and it's no big deal even if none of this works out. Can't be nervous, bro. Be relaxed (which will be seen as confidence) and be funny.

FAX
03-03-2011, 08:10 AM
Jesus, dude.

Grab your sack in one hand and a roll of cash in the other and take her to dinner.

FAX

Sofa King
03-03-2011, 08:35 AM
This thread is awesome.

Delano
03-03-2011, 08:43 AM
Jesus, dude.

Grab your sack in one hand and a roll of cash in the other and take her to dinner.

FAX

Frank: I got my magnum condoms and a wad of hundreds; I'm ready to plow!
Posted via Mobile Device

Ebolapox
03-03-2011, 08:45 AM
stop being a fucking pussy and ask her out. the worst case is that she says no, and you're essentially where you are now.

Brock
03-03-2011, 08:47 AM
Ask her out on a date (not dinner and a movie). /thread

Delano
03-03-2011, 08:47 AM
The "don't bang co-workers" rule is bullshit. There's nothing better than two people getting paid to fuck each other. Have some afternoon delight in the coat closet. Open the recycle dumpster, hop in, and try a new sexual position. Before lunch, let her come into your office and gag on your dick from under your desk. Really, the options are endless.
Posted via Mobile Device

MOhillbilly
03-03-2011, 08:47 AM
Dont fuck chicks from work. You will never be more tired of anyone faster than a work fling.

DaKCMan AP
03-03-2011, 08:48 AM
Ask her out on a date (not dinner and a movie). /thread

Dinner & movie = not Awesome.

MOhillbilly
03-03-2011, 08:48 AM
The "don't bang co-workers" rule is bullshit. There's nothing better than two people getting paid to **** each other. Have some afternoon delight in the coat closet. Open the recycle dumpster, hop in, and try a new sexual position. Before lunch, let her come into your office and gag on your dick from under your desk. Really, the options are endless.
Posted via Mobile Device

Thats all great until you break it off and shes crazy. fuck that.

Delano
03-03-2011, 08:50 AM
Thats all great until you break it off and shes crazy. fuck that.

Bitches be crazy whether you mindfuck them or not.
Posted via Mobile Device

siberian khatru
03-03-2011, 08:52 AM
Not to dwell on the past, but ... You dated your ex for 9 years, but the marriage lasted only 6 months? What the hell happened?

MOhillbilly
03-03-2011, 08:53 AM
Bitches be crazy whether you mind**** them or not.
Posted via Mobile Device

Who wants to walkin on that @ 8am and deal with it for 9 hours.

so many women in the world. just sayin.

Iowanian
03-03-2011, 08:53 AM
If she's asking what you're doing this weekend, and immediately following it up with how busy she is....that sounds pretty much like she is pre-paying her "why I can't go out with you" check.

She knows you like her.

Either just get out with it, free and clear of any pre-planned bullshit and ask her out(something specific) or get back in the work-friend zone.

Sofa King
03-03-2011, 08:53 AM
Thats all great until you break it off and shes crazy. **** that.

Is there any other kind of woman?

Rain Man
03-03-2011, 08:54 AM
ok, now that I think about it, you may need to prep the psychic to tell her the reading must be "private" AND have the psychic tell her NOT to share the reading with anyone or it could alter the outcome.. kind of like a Heisenberg thing...


This is a great idea. The only challenge I see is finding a psychic who will forego the professional ethics of the psychic community to give the woman a fake prediction. She could lose her license.

Iowanian
03-03-2011, 08:54 AM
Don't take her on any outdoors, Arizona heat adventure date....she might want you to go down on her later, and you don't yet know if she's got some big wooly Justin Biever party hat on her snapper.

MOhillbilly
03-03-2011, 08:54 AM
Is there any other kind of woman?

no & not the point.

Ebolapox
03-03-2011, 08:55 AM
just remember: flirting is harmless. fucking crazy bitch isn't. easier to get rid of the bitch if you never start, mang.

Rain Man
03-03-2011, 08:58 AM
Have you explained to her that you're The Wiz and nobody beats you?

It sounds like the thing you're hung up on the most is the idea of asking out a co-worker. There's no hidden secret anywhere. If you think the risk is worth it, ask her out. If you don't, either forget about it or try to get her fired.


Actually, there's geni(o)us in this post.

Undermine her, sabotage her work, and do everything to get her fired. In the meantime, be very nice to her. Work the situation so that everyone hates her and you're her only ally. Then when she gets fired, be there to say how wrong it was and be the shoulder for her to cry on. And of course, she'll need money, so when you say, 'hey, let's go to Arby's' she'll say yes both for financial reasons and for gratitude reasons.

Then when you marry her, tell her on your wedding night and it'll be a great story that the two of you laugh about for years.

Ebolapox
03-03-2011, 08:58 AM
Actually, there's geni(o)us in this post.

Undermine her, sabotage her work, and do everything to get her fired. In the meantime, be very nice to her. Work the situation so that everyone hates her and you're her only ally. Then when she gets fired, be there to say how wrong it was and be the shoulder for her to cry on. And of course, she'll need money, so when you say, 'hey, let's go to Arby's' she'll say yes both for financial reasons and for gratitude reasons.

Then when you marry her, tell her on your wedding night and it'll be a great story that the two of you laugh about for years.

ROFL

rep.

Rain Man
03-03-2011, 08:59 AM
If she's asking what you're doing this weekend, and immediately following it up with how busy she is....that sounds pretty much like she is pre-paying her "why I can't go out with you" check.

She knows you like her.

Either just get out with it, free and clear of any pre-planned bullshit and ask her out(something specific) or get back in the work-friend zone.


Honestly, this is what I fear, too.

Find something she likes and then mention to her that you're doing it this weekend. If she still comments on how busy she is, move along to that neighbor girl you've been eyeing. If she says, "wow, that sounds fund and her pupils slightly dilate", ask her if she wants to join you.

Frosty
03-03-2011, 09:01 AM
The "don't bang co-workers" rule is bullshit.

I've been very happily married for the last 22 years to a woman I met at work. However, we worked in different departments and our jobs only overlapped a couple of hours, so it wouldn't have been too bad if it had gone south.

Ebolapox
03-03-2011, 09:04 AM
remember: Ad-Rock's in the front and Brooklyn's in the back. when it comes to the beastie boys and life, some girls perfer Ad-Rock only. Some girls are huge fans of Brooklyn. Some are fans of Brooklyn but don't know it (be gentle). When all is said and done, do yourself a favor and get on the mic, my man!

Wait, What? #WINNING

chiefsnorth
03-03-2011, 09:06 AM
Not to dwell on the past, but ... You dated your ex for 9 years, but the marriage lasted only 6 months? What the hell happened?

I think that dating for 9 years without getting married is a red flag in itself that much was not right about that situation...

DJ's left nut
03-03-2011, 09:17 AM
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/nbZEkFLXh9Y" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Pestilence
03-03-2011, 09:24 AM
Not to dwell on the past, but ... You dated your ex for 9 years, but the marriage lasted only 6 months? What the hell happened?

This.

WTF happened there, dude?

Mr. Laz
03-03-2011, 09:27 AM
Forget it, you're already in the friend zone.
more than likely

you are heading like a freight train straight towards the friend zone. You need to do something to get attention as a non-friend really quick or you're toast.

Next time you go out as a group you need to hit on some other girls to show your stud power. But DON'T GO HOME WITH THEM!! You want to show you could have them but choose not to. You're a stud who doesn't bone bar skanks.

Go to this work girl and say "this bar girls are getting drunk, can you save me?"

work girl "how?"

You "dance with me so they think i'm off the market ... pleeeeese *insert obvious best cute/innocent face*

work girl *laughs* "oh alright"

you get to dance with her under innocent circumstances and you get to look like a stud who is also a good guy.

That should switch things up from the friend zone for the time being.

DaKCMan AP
03-03-2011, 09:31 AM
If you can get out of the friend zone, get out now. ASAP!

I don't date within my circle of friends for multiple reasons. If I meet a girl and things are going well I'll flat out let her know that I already have great friends that I don't have enough time to see and I'm not looking friendship. That usually keeps you clear of the friend zone and gives you a good indication of whether she has real interest or not.

Amnorix
03-03-2011, 09:33 AM
This.

WTF happened there, dude?

Most likely they got married because by then they were "supposed" to because they'd be dating so long. Then they realized what a mistake it was and that after year, say, 5, they should've broken up but by then it was more habit than love and nobody had the guts to give the "hey, I really love that we used to love each other, and you're the greatest, but...." speech.

This might not be HIS story, but haven't we all seen this story?

Right now I'm seeing it play out in a failed marriage with two kids. Horrible situation because now they think they "can't" get divorced "because of the kids". Oy.

Cave Johnson
03-03-2011, 09:57 AM
So you've been going out for happy hour with co-workers. The next logical step is to invite out for drinks after work. Lunch dates are too casual, and jumping straight to an evening date suggests you don't understand how to date (which, let's face it, you don't).

The fact that you're suggesting a psychic fair, or some such BS, suggests you don't know what she likes. Might want to investigate.

Such terrible advice in this thread, per usual.

Pants
03-03-2011, 10:01 AM
So you've been going out for happy hour with co-workers. The next logical step is to invite her our for drinks after work. Lunch dates are too casual, and jumping straight to an evening date suggests you don't understand how to date (which, let's face it, you don't).

The fact that you're suggesting a psychic fair, or some such BS, suggests you don't know what she likes. Might want to investigate.

Such terrible advice in this thread, per usual.

I still say start taking lunches together and texting each other. She's a goddamn coworker, you don't want to make things awkward at your job (you know, where you spend about 8 hours a day).

jspchief
03-03-2011, 10:04 AM
Ask her to grab lunch. If she says invites others from work to join you, then you got your answer.

kepp
03-03-2011, 10:13 AM
Ask her to grab lunch. If she says invites others from work to join you, then you got your answer.

That's probably a good indication.

Rausch
03-03-2011, 10:15 AM
What is the next step? Anyone have any tips or advice?

And yes, I am prepared to wade through the piles of shit you all level at me in order to find a few nuggets of good advice. Have at it.

1st - have no interactions with her and alcohol. This only clouds the matter and may lead to you to feel more is there than that really is.

2nd - find a time to be alone with her and have a discussion about WHATEVER she wants. At that time you'll find out just how comfortable with you she is and exactly what she shares will tell you all you need to know...

Count Zarth
03-03-2011, 10:17 AM
How the fuck did you marry a woman you had known for 9 years and then divorce her after six months?

Brock
03-03-2011, 10:20 AM
1st - have no interactions with her and alcohol. This only clouds the matter and may lead to you to feel more is there than that really is.

2nd - find a time to be alone with her and have a discussion about WHATEVER she wants. At that time you'll find out just how comfortable with you she is and exactly what she shares will tell you all you need to know...

Meh. If it weren't for alcohol, probably half of the relationships out there would never have happened. Whether that's good or bad is up for interpretation.

DMAC
03-03-2011, 10:20 AM
How the fuck did you marry a woman you had known for 9 years and then divorce her after six months?

Cause marriage is forever. They probably realized that and got out. Heh...

Cave Johnson
03-03-2011, 10:27 AM
Meh. If it weren't for alcohol, probably half of the relationships out there would never have happened. Whether that's good or bad is up for interpretation.

+1.

Alcohol helps get past the awkward, don't know a person that well stage. And get you laid.

Rausch
03-03-2011, 10:27 AM
How the **** did you marry a woman you had known for 9 years and then divorce her after six months?

I pretty much did that...

Cave Johnson
03-03-2011, 10:28 AM
I still say start taking lunches together and texting each other. She's a goddamn coworker, you don't want to make things awkward at your job (you know, where you spend about 8 hours a day).

Lunch is for people who don't have tiger blood. ;)

Rausch
03-03-2011, 10:29 AM
Meh. If it weren't for alcohol, probably half of the relationships out there would never have happened. Whether that's good or bad is up for interpretation.

More than 1/2 of mine wouldn't have...

Iowanian
03-03-2011, 10:50 AM
+1.

Alcohol helps get past the awkward, don't know a person that well stage. And get you laid.


No....a few drinks helps you get to the honest.

Fritz88
03-03-2011, 10:59 AM
Havent read all replies yet but....if shes been around for a month then she might be trying to make some friends at her new job. A lot of new comers do that. Also, from what I read about her, she does not look like a shy person.
Posted via Mobile Device

Pants
03-03-2011, 11:12 AM
Lunch is for people who don't have tiger blood. ;)

You do understand he works with her, right? As in, he will be seeing her there every day whether things work out or not, right?

KCUnited
03-03-2011, 11:16 AM
My homeboy here at work was in a similar situation. Ask a co-worker out, shit went great until they eventually moved in together. Now they car pool together everyday, she uses the company IM system to send him messages all day, they have lunch together everyday and he could not be any more miserable and is now seeking "a way out" advise.

Pants
03-03-2011, 11:23 AM
My homeboy here at work was in a similar situation. Ask a co-worker out, shit went great until they eventually moved in together. Now they car pool together everyday, she uses the company IM system to send him messages all day, they have lunch together everyday and he could not be any more miserable and is now seeking "a way out" advise.

I've dated 2 co-workers in my life. One actually lasted 8 months and I had pretty much moved in with her (had a place in Lawrence, but stayed 99% of the time at her place in KC) at one point. It was good for a while, but we had to break up in the end. Thankfully, by the time that happened, I had already moved on to a different job.

The 2nd one was at my current place and the girl turned out to be batshit crazy, there were signs of that and I kind of knew what I was getting into to an extent but she was hot enough to risk it. She no longer works here.

My current GF is a really good friend of my coworker and things are going really well. I'd suggest the Wiz ask the girl he has a crush on whether she has any hot friends. That way he can take the friend drinking and make his moves without risking ruining his workplace environment to shit.

Jaric
03-03-2011, 11:24 AM
First off, I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but you're already in the friend zone. A pussy free prison from which there is no escape.

My advice is to give up on this girl. You're just wasting your time. The next time you find yourself in this situation, you must ask yourself "What would Charlie Sheen do?" While at first that advice might simply seem like pandering to the "hot topic" of the day (which it is) there is truth in that.

Charlie Sheen is out of his mind yet still manages to have orgies with pornstars. Whatever he is doing, it's working. You need to be more like Charlie Sheen, and less like yourself. Also, when you become more like Charlie Sheen, and start having porn star orgies of your own, make one of them call you Jaric.

Thank you in advance.

chasedude
03-03-2011, 11:29 AM
I've made mistakes in the past by dipping my pen in the company ink before, BIG MISTAKE.

Never again will I go that route.

Tread lightly and good luck!

Kyle DeLexus
03-03-2011, 11:47 AM
First off, I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but you're already in the friend zone. A pussy free prison from which there is no escape.

My advice is to give up on this girl. You're just wasting your time. The next time you find yourself in this situation, you must ask yourself "What would Charlie Sheen do?" While at first that advice might simply seem like pandering to the "hot topic" of the day (which it is) there is truth in that.

Charlie Sheen is out of his mind yet still manages to have orgies with pornstars. Whatever he is doing, it's working. You need to be more like Charlie Sheen, and less like yourself. Also, when you become more like Charlie Sheen, and start having porn star orgies of your own, make one of them call you Jaric.

Thank you in advance.

What would Charlie Sheen do? Hookers (or pay porn stars).....I like it, it's so simple it just might work.

chasedude
03-03-2011, 11:54 AM
What would Charlie Sheen do? Hookers (or pay porn stars).....I like it, it's so simple it just might work.

Yeah but can he "bang" 7gram rocks like a rockstar with flaming fists too?

Pushead2
03-03-2011, 11:58 AM
Yeah but can he "bang" 7gram rocks like a rockstar with flaming fists too?

ROFL

KurtCobain
03-03-2011, 12:12 PM
Did you kill her yet?

BigRichard
03-03-2011, 01:15 PM
Hottie: "Hey Wiz. What do you have going on this weekend?"

The Wiz: "I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front."

Hottie: "Umm... OK. The boss sure seems cranky today."

The Wiz: "This contaminated little maggot can't handle my power."

Hottie: "You are pretty sure of yourself there. I heard you got drunk and exposed yourself in the bar this last weekend?"

The Wiz: "I exposed people to magic."

Hottie: "Well, that wasn't what I heard. They also said it looked like you had herpes on your junk."

The Wiz: "I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain."

Hottie: "They said you did some really weird stuff."

The Wiz: "I've been a veteran of the unspeakable."

Boss (walking by): "Hey Wiz, I need to see you in my office."

The Wiz: "It's a war. And it's on."

Hottie: "Wow! This should be interesting."

(The Wiz enters the Boss's office)

Boss: "So, we are thinking about moving you up into management."

The Wiz: "I am special, and I will never be one of you."

Boss: "Really, I thought your life kinda sucked. You are always hitting on that hottie out there and not getting anywhere with her, your wife just dumped you about 6 months ago, and to be kinda honest you are a pretty big geek."

The Wiz: "I am grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life."

Boss: "Ok, think what you want. You should really reconsider. This is a great opportunity for you. You may even be able to pull that hottie if you take this job."

The Wiz: "Wow. That's epic."

Boss: "Then I will take that as a yes."

(The Wiz then leaves and approaches the hottie)

Hottie: "So, the rumor is they are offering you a better position in the company."

The Wiz: "We are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks."

Hottie: "Ok, sounds like a weird job"

The Wiz: "We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?"

Hottie: "I said weird not... never mind. Anyway, back to what you are doing this weekend."

The Wiz: "Let's hook up and just bring fiery death."

Hottie: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What has gotten into you today?"

The Wiz: "I've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA."

Hottie: "Are you on drugs?"

The Wiz: "I am on a drug. It's called The Wiz."

Hottie: "I think you fried your brain."

The Wiz: "You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like íDude, canít handle it. Unplug this bastard."

Hottie: "Have you went full retard or something?"

The Wiz: "I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total, bitchin' rock star from Mars."

Hottie: "Yeah, I think I am done talking to you."

The Wiz: "Go back to the troll hole where you came from."

Hottie: "What the **** dick?"

The Wiz: "Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it that way."

Hottie: "You know what, go walk into a burning aids tree and die."

The Wiz: "Dying is for fools. Amateurs"

Demonpenz
03-03-2011, 01:46 PM
Seriously sosuave.com or Naturalgame.com Asking anyone here is just retarded. Guys here can barely keep a roof over their heads, let alone a roof over their penis's

Stewie
03-03-2011, 01:52 PM
Don't stick your pin in company ink. That's my advise.

It's bad form to judge another man's penis size.

Chocolate Hog
03-03-2011, 01:55 PM
Violate that bitch bruh

Rain Man
03-03-2011, 01:58 PM
It's bad form to judge another man's penis size.


When I read that, I wondered if it was a slight misspelling of the classic pen/ink saying, or if it was a very clever remake of the old saying based on a tattoo parlor. Given his user name, it was particularly mind-blowing.

Iowanian
03-03-2011, 02:09 PM
Don't stick your PIN in company PINK./ioWINian

bevischief
03-03-2011, 02:12 PM
Ask her out and do it far from work.

PunkinDrublic
03-03-2011, 02:17 PM
If you're focused on how to get this one girl chances are you're putting her on a pedestal too much. Her vag ain't magical it bleeds once a month like the rest of them. Make friends with guys who have their single life well put together and follow by example. Take your shot and move on with this girl.

Ebolapox
03-03-2011, 02:26 PM
First off, I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but you're already in the friend zone. A pussy free prison from which there is no escape.

My advice is to give up on this girl. You're just wasting your time. The next time you find yourself in this situation, you must ask yourself "What would Charlie Sheen do?" While at first that advice might simply seem like pandering to the "hot topic" of the day (which it is) there is truth in that.

Charlie Sheen is out of his mind yet still manages to have orgies with pornstars. Whatever he is doing, it's working. You need to be more like Charlie Sheen, and less like yourself. Also, when you become more like Charlie Sheen, and start having porn star orgies of your own, make one of them call you Jaric.

Thank you in advance.

so he needs to have millions of dollars in the bank? k, brah.

Ebolapox
03-03-2011, 02:28 PM
Hottie: "Hey Wiz. What do you have going on this weekend?"

The Wiz: "I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front."

Hottie: "Umm... OK. The boss sure seems cranky today."

The Wiz: "This contaminated little maggot can't handle my power."

Hottie: "You are pretty sure of yourself there. I heard you got drunk and exposed yourself in the bar this last weekend?"

The Wiz: "I exposed people to magic."

Hottie: "Well, that wasn't what I heard. They also said it looked like you had herpes on your junk."

The Wiz: "I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain."

Hottie: "They said you did some really weird stuff."

The Wiz: "I've been a veteran of the unspeakable."

Boss (walking by): "Hey Wiz, I need to see you in my office."

The Wiz: "It's a war. And it's on."

Hottie: "Wow! This should be interesting."

(The Wiz enters the Boss's office)

Boss: "So, we are thinking about moving you up into management."

The Wiz: "I am special, and I will never be one of you."

Boss: "Really, I thought your life kinda sucked. You are always hitting on that hottie out there and not getting anywhere with her, your wife just dumped you about 6 months ago, and to be kinda honest you are a pretty big geek."

The Wiz: "I am grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life."

Boss: "Ok, think what you want. You should really reconsider. This is a great opportunity for you. You may even be able to pull that hottie if you take this job."

The Wiz: "Wow. That's epic."

Boss: "Then I will take that as a yes."

(The Wiz then leaves and approaches the hottie)

Hottie: "So, the rumor is they are offering you a better position in the company."

The Wiz: "We are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks."

Hottie: "Ok, sounds like a weird job"

The Wiz: "We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?"

Hottie: "I said weird not... never mind. Anyway, back to what you are doing this weekend."

The Wiz: "Let's hook up and just bring fiery death."

Hottie: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What has gotten into you today?"

The Wiz: "I've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA."

Hottie: "Are you on drugs?"

The Wiz: "I am on a drug. It's called The Wiz."

Hottie: "I think you fried your brain."

The Wiz: "You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like íDude, canít handle it. Unplug this bastard."

Hottie: "Have you went full retard or something?"

The Wiz: "I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total, bitchin' rock star from Mars."

Hottie: "Yeah, I think I am done talking to you."

The Wiz: "Go back to the troll hole where you came from."

Hottie: "What the **** dick?"

The Wiz: "Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it that way."

Hottie: "You know what, go walk into a burning aids tree and die."

The Wiz: "Dying is for fools. Amateurs"

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

one of the funniest posts EVAR

KC Tattoo
03-03-2011, 02:45 PM
When I read that, I wondered if it was a slight misspelling of the classic pen/ink saying, or if it was a very clever remake of the old saying based on a tattoo parlor. Given his user name, it was particularly mind-blowing.


Yea that's it, clever remake of it. lol. It sounds like a great idea to go out with the girl from work, and you get evolved with her then your stuck with her for a time period that your not happy with and it's not like you can remove what has been done like that of a tattoo your not happy with. Better off being friends with her & take it slow to make sure it's something that will work out over a long period of time. My experience with going out with a girl from work became very awkward and then people talk behind your back and you hear things you don't want to hear. Mostly awkwardness and tension arize that any thing you do is under a microscope.

Cave Johnson
03-03-2011, 02:47 PM
so he needs to have millions of dollars in the bank? k, brah.

When you get the money, you get the power.....

Demonpenz
03-03-2011, 02:56 PM
Sex Appeal is 50% of what you have and 50% of what people think you have.

Jaric
03-03-2011, 03:32 PM
so he needs to have millions of dollars in the bank? k, brah.

Yes, that would help.

Also, Tiger blood.

Count Zarth
03-03-2011, 03:39 PM
Sex Appeal is 50% of what you have and 50% of what people think you have.

So stuff a cucumber down your pants!

Pants
03-03-2011, 03:49 PM
Get a puppy.

Rain Man
03-03-2011, 03:58 PM
Get a puppy.


Puppies don't look as good in lingerie.

suds79
03-03-2011, 04:00 PM
If you're focused on how to get this one girl chances are you're putting her on a pedestal too much. Her vag ain't magical it bleeds once a month like the rest of them. Make friends with guys who have their single life well put together and follow by example. Take your shot and move on with this girl.

Agreed. The fact that you started a thread on this tells me you're building this up too much. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

As you mentioned in your thread, you say you're a 5-6. Now picture how you would act if she was a 4-5 (but still strangely attracted to her) and not the 8 or whatever your viewing her as.

Make your move.

threebag02
03-03-2011, 04:10 PM
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSzcvwIhMy_fn-ZJTEyPI8EW1-uHRVRXGFanL9bvkPexNzSIabkFg

Invite her over for drinks

Bootlegged
03-03-2011, 04:13 PM
http://media.charlotteobserver.com/smedia/2011/03/03/06/Mecklenburg_County_Arrests_-_03.02.2011_pBz3lcwx_1486411.standalone.prod_affiliate.138.jpg

Saul Good
03-03-2011, 04:30 PM
Lots of bad advice in this thread, but a couple were on the right track. You are in the "friend zone", but that can be temporary if you play your cards right.

Embrace the friend zone. Hang out with her, flirt a little, and meet her friends. You don't want to date a co-worker, but hot girls have hot friends. When you hang out with her, talk about how you think of her like she's your little sister. Suddenly, you have put her into YOUR friend zone. Girls HATE this, especially attractive girls. She will start trying to show off for you and get you to become interested in how attractive she is. Don't bite.

Her friends will start competing for your attention because that's what girls do. Suddenly, you will have more options than you can juggle. If you ever cease being co-workers, then you can bang her. Until then, you will have the best wing-man in the world; a hot chick who is trying to impress you while you ignore her advances. Girls notice this, and it will make them want you.

Trust me, it works.

KurtCobain
03-03-2011, 04:46 PM
What you need to do is to get her high on crack.

Detoxing
03-03-2011, 04:46 PM
http://media.charlotteobserver.com/smedia/2011/03/03/06/Mecklenburg_County_Arrests_-_03.02.2011_pBz3lcwx_1486411.standalone.prod_affiliate.138.jpg

Is that Tony G in Drag?

AustinChief
03-03-2011, 04:49 PM
Puppies don't look as good in lingerie.

Says who???

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgsrtscDet1qc3yzbo1_400.jpg

KurtCobain
03-03-2011, 04:50 PM
Says who???

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgsrtscDet1qc3yzbo1_400.jpg

Oh wow.

Jaric
03-03-2011, 05:46 PM
Lots of bad advice in this thread, but a couple were on the right track. You are in the "friend zone", but that can be temporary if you play your cards right.

Embrace the friend zone. Hang out with her, flirt a little, and meet her friends. You don't want to date a co-worker, but hot girls have hot friends. When you hang out with her, talk about how you think of her like she's your little sister. Suddenly, you have put her into YOUR friend zone. Girls HATE this, especially attractive girls. She will start trying to show off for you and get you to become interested in how attractive she is. Don't bite.

Her friends will start competing for your attention because that's what girls do. Suddenly, you will have more options than you can juggle. If you ever cease being co-workers, then you can bang her. Until then, you will have the best wing-man in the world; a hot chick who is trying to impress you while you ignore her advances. Girls notice this, and it will make them want you.

Trust me, it works.
:eek:

Why didn't I know you when I was in college...

bevischief
03-03-2011, 05:51 PM
"Do or Do not. There is no try."

KurtCobain
03-03-2011, 08:36 PM
Have you stuck it in yet?

Extra Point
03-03-2011, 09:26 PM
Keep going out with co-workers. Wait another month. Then, make a move. Otherwise, too much, too soon.

Demonpenz
03-03-2011, 09:35 PM
Lots of bad advice in this thread, but a couple were on the right track. You are in the "friend zone", but that can be temporary if you play your cards right.

Embrace the friend zone. Hang out with her, flirt a little, and meet her friends. You don't want to date a co-worker, but hot girls have hot friends. When you hang out with her, talk about how you think of her like she's your little sister. Suddenly, you have put her into YOUR friend zone. Girls HATE this, especially attractive girls. She will start trying to show off for you and get you to become interested in how attractive she is. Don't bite.

Her friends will start competing for your attention because that's what girls do. Suddenly, you will have more options than you can juggle. If you ever cease being co-workers, then you can bang her. Until then, you will have the best wing-man in the world; a hot chick who is trying to impress you while you ignore her advances. Girls notice this, and it will make them want you.

Trust me, it works.

you have to have Value for this to work. I am not sure a dude who is fishing for advice on chiefsplanet can pull of this kind of value. Now of course a dude with mad ms paint skills....the sky is a limitless boob for a guy like that.

Rain Man
03-03-2011, 10:38 PM
Says who???




Wow. I stand corrected.

KILLER_CLOWN
03-03-2011, 11:02 PM
1. Be Yourself
2. NEVER and i mean NEVER ask for serious advice on Chiefsplanet, taking any of these actions will land you in jail, the looney bin, or as a cadaver for a guy named Vinnie.

Phobia
03-03-2011, 11:06 PM
1. Be Yourself
2. NEVER and i mean NEVER ask for serious advice on Chiefsplanet, taking any of these actions will land you in jail, the looney bin, or as a cadaver for a guy named Vinnie.

Bull. We got gochiefs laid. Enough said.

KILLER_CLOWN
03-03-2011, 11:08 PM
Bull. We got gochiefs laid. Enough said.

Normally one would ask for proof, but i might pay you just so you don't provide it.

T-post Tom
03-03-2011, 11:30 PM
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/CjQKFoUdk4g" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Gonzo
03-03-2011, 11:44 PM
Ask her if she'd like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies. When she asks about your Daughter, look at her with a puzzled look and say, "I'm the one selling them and I'm only 35 boxes away from the Pink Schwinn bike with the banana seat!"
If she laughs, you're in. If she looks at you like you're creepy, you're hosed.
Posted via Mobile Device

alanm
03-04-2011, 06:02 AM
Easy.

Ask her if she'd like to go for dinner and a movie, your treat.

Her answer will tell you what you want to know.I don't even need to read further to tell you this is what you need to do.
The direct approach is best. Just ask her out.

And if you're shot down in flames then you can kill her.

luv
03-04-2011, 06:23 AM
If she's smart, then you won't get the girl. Not a knock on you. Dating coworkers can lead to headaches. I've seen it a lot. If you ask her out and she turns you down, will it be weird to work with her? If you're going to try, then I agree with just asking her out. Be direct.

DaKCMan AP
03-04-2011, 07:00 AM
I don't even need to read further to tell you this is what you need to do.
The direct approach is best. Just ask her out.

And if you're shot down in flames then you can kill her.

Except for the movie part. Dinner, cool. Some other activity, cool. Movie, not cool.

Reerun_KC
03-04-2011, 07:43 AM
Bull. We got gochiefs laid. Enough said.

Where the hell is the BS flag when you need it?

No way in hell that loser got laid...

Brock
03-04-2011, 08:54 AM
Except for the movie part. Dinner, cool. Some other activity, cool. Movie, not cool.

dinner and a movie is what you do after you've stopped trying.

chopper
03-04-2011, 09:17 AM
Organ Stop Pizza and a stand up comedy show. Same general idea as dinner and a movie but more experiential.

Saul Good
03-04-2011, 09:23 AM
dinner and a movie is what you do after you've stopped trying.

I'm going to guess that the OPer is a little on the nerdy side and probably awkward around girls. Nothing wrong with that, and some girls like that. As women move towards their mid twenties, a lot of them want a guy who is, as a girl I know once put it, "nerdy with an edge".

Take her on some non-dates to do things that make you stand out. Tell her that you are going to pick her up, but don't tell her what you will be doing. Have her dress down, jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. Then take her to a gun range.

She will probably freak out just a little bit, but she will wind up loving it if she's cool enough to try it. Girls get off on shooting handguns. Its important that you know what you are doing, though. If you've never been, go a few times first just to make sure that you are in control of the situation. She will start to think of you as a nerd on the outside and a badass on the inside. That's the male version of a "lady in the street but a freak in the bed".

When you are done, let her choose something girly without telling you first. There are worse things than getting a manicure with a hot chick who is trying to impress you, after all.

Saul Good
03-04-2011, 09:38 AM
If you don't think she will go for a gun range, take her to an indoor go-cart track. They are a lot of fun, its not a "date activity", and it will get her competitive nature going. That is always a good thing.

Feel free to be up front with her and tell her that having a pretty girl as a little sister type of friend makes you look cool.

Pants
03-04-2011, 10:07 AM
lady in the streets, freak in the sheets

brah

RedNFeisty
03-04-2011, 11:08 AM
I'm going to guess that the OPer is a little on the nerdy side and probably awkward around girls. Nothing wrong with that, and some girls like that. As women move towards their mid twenties, a lot of them want a guy who is, as a girl I know once put it, "nerdy with an edge".

Take her on some non-dates to do things that make you stand out. Tell her that you are going to pick her up, but don't tell her what you will be doing. Have her dress down, jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. Then take her to a gun range.

She will probably freak out just a little bit, but she will wind up loving it if she's cool enough to try it. Girls get off on shooting handguns. Its important that you know what you are doing, though. If you've never been, go a few times first just to make sure that you are in control of the situation. She will start to think of you as a nerd on the outside and a badass on the inside. That's the male version of a "lady in the street but a freak in the bed".

When you are done, let her choose something girly without telling you first. There are worse things than getting a manicure with a hot chick who is trying to impress you, after all.

Great idea!!! :thumb: You want to stand out, learn to do things most guys don't think of. Make the girl get grimy, paintball, laser tag, gun range, boxing gym, hunting, fishing, go carts, you get the idea.

I'm sure there are a lot of great ideas in this thread, but as stated before, stay away from dinner and a movie. Girls like to be surprised and put on their toes, boring is dull and never given a second glance.

Rain Man
03-04-2011, 11:24 AM
Great idea!!! :thumb: You want to stand out, learn to do things most guys don't think of. Make the girl get grimy, paintball, laser tag, gun range, boxing gym, hunting, fishing, go carts, you get the idea.

I'm sure there are a lot of great ideas in this thread, but as stated before, stay away from dinner and a movie. Girls like to be surprised and put on their toes, boring is dull and never given a second glance.


I tried this in the past, but it never worked very well. Visit to pork rendering plant - fell flat. Locking her in cage for wrestling match with two Nigerian girls - never took my calls. Signed her up to run marathon - said she was "too tired" next 10 times I asked her out. The only offbeat thing that seemed to have any positive outcome was when I took a girl to Afghanistan on the first date, and I found out later that she only married me so we wouldn't get stoned to death.

RaidersOwnKC
03-04-2011, 11:45 AM
How do you get the girl? Tell her you're a Raider fan and she'll think you're a badass.

Tell her you're a Chief fan, and you'll get laughed at.

CHENZ A!
03-04-2011, 11:55 AM
How do you get the girl? Tell her you're a Raider fan and she'll think you're a badass.

Tell her you're a Chief fan, and you'll get laughed at.


Raiders fans smell bad, everyone knows this.
Posted via Mobile Device

Brock
03-04-2011, 12:02 PM
How do you get the girl? Tell her you're a Raider fan and she'll think you're a badass.

Tell her you're a Chief fan, and you'll get laughed at.

Raider fans don't have to tell anyone they're Raider fans, you can tell by the tattoos on their neck.

Saul Good
03-04-2011, 12:41 PM
Raider fans don't have to tell anyone they're Raider fans, you can tell by the tattoos on their neck.

You can tell because they are dressed up as star wars characters and acting hard. Chicks love grown men who dress up as characters from 1970s sci fi movies.

Buddy Rich
03-04-2011, 01:01 PM
sneak into the women's bathroom at work, get into a stall and write some things on the wall about how large your junk is. she'll come running to your desk after her next office-deuce (with nary a wipe) and ask YOU what you're doing this weekend. the rest is up to you.

good luck.

KCHawg
03-04-2011, 01:27 PM
[quote=RaidersOwnKC;7466521]How do you get the girl? Tell her you're a Raider fan and she'll think your and idiot.quote]

fyp.

Cave Johnson
03-04-2011, 02:13 PM
Also, rohypnol.

Mr. Flopnuts
03-04-2011, 02:44 PM
Ask her if she wants to hang out at your place so you guys can order a pizza and troll the chan boards. Once you get on /b tell her tits or gtfo.

Ebolapox
03-04-2011, 02:52 PM
Ask her if she wants to hang out at your place so you guys can order a pizza and troll the chan boards. Once you get on /b tell her tits or gtfo.

he COULD always do a DDoS of the office network, during which he could grab her titties.

Pants
03-04-2011, 02:53 PM
Also, rohypnol.

LMAO

Predarat
03-04-2011, 03:02 PM
All you have to do is say
"why don't you give me your number and we can meet up sometime and grab a drink"
and she will be yours!

Otter
03-04-2011, 03:14 PM
If you're that worried about office repercussions meet up with some friends for happy hour and invite her to come along, tell her to invite some of her friends and if there's someone cool in the office you trust ask them to come along as well.

A date that's not a date.

Hell, I once got a girls phone number by telling her my text messages weren't working and I could I try to send one to her phone. Improvise and over come son!

JoeyChuckles
03-04-2011, 07:35 PM
have someone give her a note that says:

The Wiz Likes You
Do You Like The Wiz (check one(
Yes___
NO___

Tried it. Note fail.

JoeyChuckles
03-04-2011, 07:36 PM
The advice I have that you should listen to the most is don't F chics from work.


Since you're not going to listen to that(because no one in the history of Chiefsplanet ever has).....and your game is so off and out of practice, there is only one sure fire, can't miss solution to your problem.

Get this girl an account here, have her log in, and let your friends at Chiefsplanet dot com do the work for you. All you'll have left to do is make her tummy smell like BRUTE and sour milk.

your friend,
IoWINian.

Why would I listen to that. I have never made that mistake before. Everyone has to make that mistake once, and damn it, I want my chance.

JoeyChuckles
03-04-2011, 07:38 PM
Jesus, dude.

Grab your sack in one hand and a roll of cash in the other and take her to dinner.

FAX

Best answer so far.

Bump
03-04-2011, 07:38 PM
host a work party, invite everyone from work, everybody gets drunk. Easy place to hook up with her, if she turns you down you can just say "sorry, I was drunk and I hardly remember anything."

JoeyChuckles
03-04-2011, 07:39 PM
Not to dwell on the past, but ... You dated your ex for 9 years, but the marriage lasted only 6 months? What the hell happened?

She became doctor, she got money, she found there were other guys in the world.

JoeyChuckles
03-04-2011, 07:48 PM
Most likely they got married because by then they were "supposed" to because they'd be dating so long. Then they realized what a mistake it was and that after year, say, 5, they should've broken up but by then it was more habit than love and nobody had the guts to give the "hey, I really love that we used to love each other, and you're the greatest, but...." speech.

This might not be HIS story, but haven't we all seen this story?

Right now I'm seeing it play out in a failed marriage with two kids. Horrible situation because now they think they "can't" get divorced "because of the kids". Oy.

Damn dude, spot on. I mean, exactly.

JoeyChuckles
03-04-2011, 07:51 PM
Lots of bad advice in this thread, but a couple were on the right track. You are in the "friend zone", but that can be temporary if you play your cards right.

Embrace the friend zone. Hang out with her, flirt a little, and meet her friends. You don't want to date a co-worker, but hot girls have hot friends. When you hang out with her, talk about how you think of her like she's your little sister. Suddenly, you have put her into YOUR friend zone. Girls HATE this, especially attractive girls. She will start trying to show off for you and get you to become interested in how attractive she is. Don't bite.

Her friends will start competing for your attention because that's what girls do. Suddenly, you will have more options than you can juggle. If you ever cease being co-workers, then you can bang her. Until then, you will have the best wing-man in the world; a hot chick who is trying to impress you while you ignore her advances. Girls notice this, and it will make them want you.

Trust me, it works.

That sounds complicated.

JoeyChuckles
03-04-2011, 07:55 PM
I'm going to guess that the OPer is a little on the nerdy side and probably awkward around girls. Nothing wrong with that, and some girls like that. As women move towards their mid twenties, a lot of them want a guy who is, as a girl I know once put it, "nerdy with an edge".

Take her on some non-dates to do things that make you stand out. Tell her that you are going to pick her up, but don't tell her what you will be doing. Have her dress down, jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. Then take her to a gun range.

She will probably freak out just a little bit, but she will wind up loving it if she's cool enough to try it. Girls get off on shooting handguns. Its important that you know what you are doing, though. If you've never been, go a few times first just to make sure that you are in control of the situation. She will start to think of you as a nerd on the outside and a badass on the inside. That's the male version of a "lady in the street but a freak in the bed".

When you are done, let her choose something girly without telling you first. There are worse things than getting a manicure with a hot chick who is trying to impress you, after all.

Now you are starting to make sense. That actually sounds like a good plan.

JoeyChuckles
03-04-2011, 07:59 PM
Got the phone number today by leaving my phone number at her desk and telling her to text me if she needs coffee in the morning (I come in later than her). She sent me a text saying how cute the note was. Other than that, nothing much happened today.

Discuss Thrower
03-04-2011, 08:31 PM
Got the phone number today by leaving my phone number at her desk and telling her to text me if she needs coffee in the morning (I come in later than her). She sent me a text saying how cute the note was. Other than that, nothing much happened today.

Though I suck at the game, all I know is that puppies are cute. Shoes are cute. Bay window apartments are cute. Would you want to be any of those three things?

DaneMcCloud
03-04-2011, 08:40 PM
Got the phone number today by leaving my phone number at her desk and telling her to text me if she needs coffee in the morning (I come in later than her). She sent me a text saying how cute the note was. Other than that, nothing much happened today.

Pretty soon, the thread topic is going to be:

How Do I Get RID Of The Girl?

Brock
03-04-2011, 09:07 PM
Pretty soon, the thread topic is going to be:

How Do I Get RID Of The Girl?

LMAO

luv
03-04-2011, 09:11 PM
I always thought the key to the game was getting the ball in your court. Why are you putting it in hers? I know it's the 21st century, but women do still like it when a man shows initiative. Quit pussy-footing around.

KurtCobain
03-04-2011, 09:16 PM
Teabag her.

Saul Good
03-04-2011, 10:00 PM
Pretty soon, the thread topic is going to be:

How Do I Get RID Of The Girl?

Answer: The same way you got her, antifreeze, just use a little more this time.

Xanathol
03-05-2011, 06:16 PM
Are you sure this is the woman you want? Have you done any recon on the subject? Suggestion - does she drank from a water bottle during the day? If so, you could always deposit your sea salt into it like the dude in Orange County and if she says her water taste funny, then you don't want her anyhow, but if she says something about the water tasting really good or readily identifies the substance within, then she's a keeper!

salame
03-05-2011, 06:24 PM
Teabag her.

THIS
tea time motha fucka

jspchief
03-05-2011, 06:25 PM
I always thought the key to the game was getting the ball in your court. Why are you putting it in hers? I know it's the 21st century, but women do still like it when a man shows initiative. Quit pussy-footing around.I think it's been established that you don't know the game well enough to chime in.

salame
03-05-2011, 06:26 PM
Are you sure this is the woman you want? Have you done any recon on the subject? Suggestion - does she drank from a water bottle during the day? If so, you could always deposit your sea salt into it like the dude in Orange County and if she says her water taste funny, then you don't want her anyhow, but if she says something about the water tasting really good or readily identifies the substance within, then she's a keeper!

best first post ever

Saulbadguy
03-05-2011, 06:32 PM
best first post ever

Agreed, great idea.

Hoover
03-05-2011, 07:23 PM
Alright dude, you're doing good work at the office but you will have to roll the dice at some point or you are just going to be the friend who buys her coffee.

I had a similar situation back in the days. Granted I wasn't divorced, but I had it for a chick in the office that was out of my league. My charm offensive allowed me to be her buddy, but I wanted the prize, you know what I mean.

So at one of those group outings after work the Hoov was in a generous mood, bought a lot of drinks for people, got people on the dance floor, sang a little karaoke (important note I can carry a tune and do one hell of a Neil Diamond impersonation when drunk).

I was committed to be the last guy to leave, but by hot little buddy stayed as long as I did. Being friends, she was concerned about my safety and thus didn't want me to drive home. So we just went to her place. The rest is history.

Now if you go this route, you need to realize that when you come to work the next day, EVERYBODY us going to look at you in a certain way. I was just out of college and bagged the pride of the place, I walked in like I owned that place.

I then found out that while she was hot and fun to drink with, she was as smart as a box of rocks, so it never amounted to much.