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View Full Version : Life Hypothetical: If you could produce your own sperm for $20,000 a week


Bump
04-11-2011, 07:56 PM
Provided that the party buying your sperm had to have it every single week and if you miss any week at all, the deal would be over. An entire gallon of only your own sperm, every week. They will be able to tell if it's not all of yours.

Would you sign up for that job? Would you decline?

How hard would you try to keep this job?

Think about it, grab a jug of milk and think. Could you fill that with your own sperm in a week's period for $20,000 every week?

eazyb81
04-11-2011, 07:58 PM
what is wrong with you?

Buck
04-11-2011, 07:58 PM
Dude

Bwana
04-11-2011, 07:58 PM
What in the hell?

WhitiE
04-11-2011, 07:59 PM
in before it gets gay?

Bump
04-11-2011, 07:59 PM
What? I didn't ask to be inappropriate. I was just wondering what lengths people would go through to earn that type of money.

bevischief
04-11-2011, 08:05 PM
Must be the off season... Paging Hogfarmer for comment.

BCD
04-11-2011, 08:05 PM
Do you know the difference between sperm and semen?

bevischief
04-11-2011, 08:06 PM
And Gochiefs is banned for a month without his comments...

Bump
04-11-2011, 08:07 PM
Do you know the difference between sperm and semen?

shut up pillowbitergot

BCD
04-11-2011, 08:08 PM
You could not produce enough sperm in your lifetime to fill a gallon container.

Superturtle
04-11-2011, 08:08 PM
Provided that the party buying your sperm had to have it every single week and if you miss any week at all, the deal would be over. An entire gallon of only your own sperm, every week. They will be able to tell if it's not all of yours.

Would you sign up for that job? Would you decline?

How hard would you try to keep this job?

Think about it, grab a jug of milk and think. Could you fill that with your own sperm in a week's period for $20,000 every week?
http://brosome.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Best-LOLcats-8.jpg

CrazyPhuD
04-11-2011, 08:09 PM
Dude I could fill that in an hour and a half.

Bump
04-11-2011, 08:10 PM
Dude I could fill that in an hour and a half.

so your honest answer would be yes if someone approached you with this offer?

Phobia
04-11-2011, 08:10 PM
I know you're thirsty but frankly, I won't take a check.

RJ
04-11-2011, 08:11 PM
in before it gets gay?


You were too late.

BillSelfsTrophycase
04-11-2011, 08:12 PM
You could not produce enough sperm in your lifetime to fill a gallon container.

I'll take that challenge

Natale Portman and Salma Hayek will be my assistants in this experiment

LiveSteam
04-11-2011, 08:13 PM
My woman is a puddle-er. I can ship you some of her discharge for free.

Reerun_KC
04-11-2011, 08:14 PM
And Gochiefs is banned for a month without his comments...

Jesus, stop crying like a girl about it...

He will be back in time and you can snuggle with him then... Nobody gives a sh*t about him anyway...

KCUnited
04-11-2011, 08:15 PM
Wonder what the belly button to gallon jug conversion is?

crazycoffey
04-11-2011, 08:16 PM
I don't think it's possible.

First .1 to 10 milliliters is average production for us men, a teaspoon is 5 milliliters and a tablespoon is 15 milliliters. So Let's just use the teaspoon as a good average for the purpose of this process. The conversion of teaspoons to gallons is 1 to 0.00130207763.

This means;

If you average that one teaspoon every time then you'd need to wack it 768 times to make a gallon in one week. That also takes into account that you never spill any, and you give enough time during the refractory period so that you again can produce one teaspoon.

That's about ONE HUNDRED AND TEN times you have to ejaculate a teaspoons amount of semen to make a gallon in one day.

With 24 hours in a day, you would have to beat it 4.58333333 times an hour.

You can't do it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ejaculation
http://www.conversion-metric.org/volume_conversion/teaspoon_to_gallon_conversion.php

Phobia
04-11-2011, 08:19 PM
You could not produce enough sperm in your lifetime to fill a gallon container.

You know, I think a week is a pretty tall order but I'll bet most healthy dudes could fill a couple gallons a year. If you're dropping a tablespoon per and a gallon = 128 oz, that's 128 loads per gallon. Even if you're not out of control jerking, you can go twice every 3 days for 2 gallons a year.

LiveSteam
04-11-2011, 08:21 PM
You know, I think a week is a pretty tall order but I'll bet most healthy dudes could fill a couple gallons a year. If you're dropping a tablespoon per and a gallon = 128 oz, that's 128 loads per gallon. Even if you're not out of control jerking, you can go twice every 3 days for 2 gallons a year.

You just full of great info :LOL:

crazycoffey
04-11-2011, 08:21 PM
You know, I think a week is a pretty tall order but I'll bet most healthy dudes could fill a couple gallons a year. If you're dropping a tablespoon per and a gallon = 128 oz, that's 128 loads per gallon. Even if you're not out of control jerking, you can go twice every 3 days for 2 gallons a year.

I knew you'd be above average....

BCD
04-11-2011, 08:22 PM
You know, I think a week is a pretty tall order but I'll bet most healthy dudes could fill a couple gallons a year. If you're dropping a tablespoon per and a gallon = 128 oz, that's 128 loads per gallon. Even if you're not out of control jerking, you can go twice every 3 days for 2 gallons a year.Semen, yes. Not sperm.

Bwana
04-11-2011, 08:22 PM
You know, I think a week is a pretty tall order but I'll bet most healthy dudes could fill a couple gallons a year. If you're dropping a tablespoon per and a gallon = 128 oz, that's 128 loads per gallon. Even if you're not out of control jerking, you can go twice every 3 days for 2 gallons a year.

I hope Hog Farmer doesn't see this post. He will be knocking on your door with a job offer. :hmmm:

Phobia
04-11-2011, 08:24 PM
Semen, yes. Not sperm.

True, yeah. But I assumed bump wouldn't be there to seperate with his mouth so I just went with total ejaculate.

gblowfish
04-11-2011, 08:25 PM
Damn....I've let thousands of dollars slip right through my fingers....


That is, btw, the oldest joke in the world.

Thank you and Good Night.

BCD
04-11-2011, 08:26 PM
:LOL:True, yeah. But I assumed bump wouldn't be there to seperate with his mouth so I just went with total ejaculate.

This thread is beginning to nauseate me...

RJ
04-11-2011, 08:26 PM
You know, I think a week is a pretty tall order but I'll bet most healthy dudes could fill a couple gallons a year. If you're dropping a tablespoon per and a gallon = 128 oz, that's 128 loads per gallon. Even if you're not out of control jerking, you can go twice every 3 days for 2 gallons a year.

1 tablespoon = 1/2 ounce.

Phobia
04-11-2011, 08:26 PM
I knew you'd be above average....

Heh. I google. But while I was googling, I saw a furthest medically recorded ejaculate of 11 inches or something like that... I know I've needed safety glasses before and you know, while I'm blessed I think it's still quite a bit further than 11" to my eyeball.

crazycoffey
04-11-2011, 08:28 PM
Heh. I google. But while I was googling, I saw a furthest medically recorded ejaculate of 11 inches or something like that... I know I've needed safety glasses before and you know, while I'm blessed I think it's still quite a bit further than 11" to my eyeball.


I used the web for my research as well, but nobody read my post, even though it was only one before yours. I feel very unappreciated and uncool....

Phobia
04-11-2011, 08:29 PM
1 tablespoon = 1/2 ounce.

True. I misread google.

BillSelfsTrophycase
04-11-2011, 08:30 PM
Heh. I google. But while I was googling, I saw a furthest medically recorded ejaculate of 11 inches or something like that... I know I've needed safety glasses before and you know, while I'm blessed I think it's still quite a bit further than 11" to my eyeball.

Bah, only 11"? I beat that easily the first time I saw Real Sex on HBO as a young lad


That shit damn near hit the celing

Phobia
04-11-2011, 08:30 PM
I used the web for my research as well, but nobody read my post, even though it was only one before yours. I feel very unappreciated and uncool....

I read it and I agree with it. While I have attempted to beat it 4.xxxx per hour, I don't think I could keep it up for more than an hour.

crazycoffey
04-11-2011, 08:32 PM
I don't think it's possible.

First .1 to 10 milliliters is average production for us men, a teaspoon is 5 milliliters and a tablespoon is 15 milliliters.....

With 24 hours in a day, you would have to beat it 4.58333333 times an hour.



even doubling the amount to 2 teaspoons, which gets us to the high average of 10 milliliters per episode. That's still an average of two times an hour in a 24 hour period for seven days to get to a gallon....

rockymtnchief
04-11-2011, 08:33 PM
I used the web for my research as well, but nobody read my post, even though it was only one before yours. I feel very unappreciated and uncool....

You should check your rep before you cry in your beer. :evil:

crazycoffey
04-11-2011, 08:38 PM
You should check your rep before you cry in your beer. :evil:

ok, so you are the only poster who still reads my 2 cents. It's only because my wife raised her shirt for you....

CrazyPhuD
04-11-2011, 08:41 PM
You know, I think a week is a pretty tall order but I'll bet most healthy dudes could fill a couple gallons a year. If you're dropping a tablespoon per and a gallon = 128 oz, that's 128 loads per gallon. Even if you're not out of control jerking, you can go twice every 3 days for 2 gallons a year.

Like I said before....an hour and half no problem to fill a gallon.

Rain Man
04-11-2011, 08:42 PM
could I write off pornography and strippers as a business expense in this scenario?
Posted via Mobile Device

rockymtnchief
04-11-2011, 08:43 PM
ok, so you are the only poster who still reads my 2 cents. It's only because my wife raised her shirt for you....

:drool:
Very true. ROFL

Actually, I was trying to do the math myself. You beat me to the punch. Next time I'll use the internet instead of a Penthouse and a milk jug. Your way is quicker.

BCD
04-11-2011, 08:45 PM
could I write off pornography and strippers as a business expense in this scenario?
Posted via Mobile DeviceYou should never mix business with pleasure.

CrazyPhuD
04-11-2011, 08:47 PM
You should never mix business with pleasure.

what about in the business of pleasure?

crazycoffey
04-11-2011, 08:48 PM
:drool:
Very true. ROFL

Actually, I was trying to do the math myself. You beat me to the punch. Next time I'll use the internet instead of a Penthouse and a milk jug. Your way is quicker.


my way has always been quicker, bud ump ching...

RJ
04-11-2011, 08:55 PM
True. I misread google.

Phil, do the math. That's approximately 256 loads per gallon (LPG). To accomplish that in a 30 day calendar month would require 8.53 loads per day (LPD). I may have been able to manage that level of production at 16 but it would have required a great deal of visual stimulation and I'd seldom have been able to leave my room.

I'm no rocket scientist but intuitively it just doesn't seem reasonable.

CrazyPhuD
04-11-2011, 08:56 PM
Phil, do the math. That's approximately 256 loads per gallon (LPG). To accomplish that in a 30 day calendar month would require 8.53 loads per day (LPD). I may have been able to manage that level of production at 16 but it would have required a great deal of visual stimulation and I'd seldom have been able to leave my room.

I'm no rocket scientist but intuitively it just doesn't seem reasonable.

Coke and viagra...no problem at any age....well except maybe for the heart attack at the end of the week.

RJ
04-11-2011, 08:58 PM
could I write off pornography and strippers as a business expense in this scenario?
Posted via Mobile Device


You better plan on writing off hand lotion as well. Plan on buying it in 4 gallon buckets at the Home Depot contractors desk. Consider pallets, you'll save a few bucks.

RJ
04-11-2011, 09:02 PM
Coke and viagra...no problem at any age....well except maybe for the heart attack at the end of the week.


Do you snort those together or as two separate lines?

Bump
04-11-2011, 09:08 PM
Ok, how about something a bit more practical but still would be a lot of effort. Let's say 35 ejaculates per day, the equivalent of that. For $20K per week?

Phobia
04-11-2011, 09:11 PM
Phil, do the math. That's approximately 256 loads per gallon (LPG). To accomplish that in a 30 day calendar month would require 8.53 loads per day (LPD). I may have been able to manage that level of production at 16 but it would have required a great deal of visual stimulation and I'd seldom have been able to leave my room.

I'm no rocket scientist but intuitively it just doesn't seem reasonable.

I was only calling for a couple of gallons a year even when I thought 1 tablespoon = 1 oz.

Rain Man
04-11-2011, 09:12 PM
Ok, how about something a bit more practical but still would be a lot of effort. Let's say 35 ejaculates per day, the equivalent of that. For $20K per week?

I presume this is only five days a week, right? I don't think I can be forced to work seven days.
Posted via Mobile Device

CrazyPhuD
04-11-2011, 09:14 PM
Do you snort those together or as two separate lines?

I think it would probably work best together, after all it would suck to want to nail a hole in the wall and not be able to do anything about it.

Phobia
04-11-2011, 09:14 PM
Ok, how about something a bit more practical but still would be a lot of effort. Let's say 35 ejaculates per day, the equivalent of that. For $20K per week?

I think 35 a week is probably doable. I'd have to pass on 35x a day. I don't think I could have achieved 35x a day in my prime.

Rain Man
04-11-2011, 09:16 PM
35 a day is 175 for a five day week. at $20,000 a week, you could get $100 oral services every time and stil take home $2,500 as long as they all spit. what's the market rate for that service? if it's $100 or less this would be a good job.
Posted via Mobile Device

CrazyPhuD
04-11-2011, 09:16 PM
I think 35 a week is probably doable. I'd have to pass on 35x a day. I don't think I could have achieved 35x a day in my prime.

Plus that would probably introduce some pretty bad RSI after even 5 days. Although it might be worth it just to fill out the workman's comp paperwork.

CrazyPhuD
04-11-2011, 09:17 PM
35 a day is 175 for a five day week. at $20,000 a week, you could get $100 oral services every time and stil take home $2,500 as long as they all spit. what's the market rate for that service? if it's $100 or less this would be a good job.
Posted via Mobile Device

You just damn well better make sure she doesn't swallow that would be one expensive mistake.

Rain Man
04-11-2011, 09:19 PM
the challenge might be recruiting time for the women. 35 events a day is roughtly three per hour for a 12 hour day. and then you'd have to recruit on top of that, assuming that you'd like a little variety.
Posted via Mobile Device

Bump
04-11-2011, 09:20 PM
I presume this is only five days a week, right? I don't think I can be forced to work seven days.
Posted via Mobile Device

sure, 5 day work week.

This sort of thing would be aimed at someone who works their butt off for $30K per year in a job they hate. Think about that now, $80K per month. Would you?

Rain Man
04-11-2011, 09:39 PM
off topic, but if I was really rich i'd have an attractive naked woman doing exercises in every room of the house, kind of like art. they'd just be there in the background doing situps in the living room while I watch tv, doing pushups in the kitchen while I eat cereal, running on a treadmill in the den while I read the newspaper, and so on. that'd be really cool.
Posted via Mobile Device

Crush
04-11-2011, 09:46 PM
I know you're thirsty but frankly, I won't take a check.

That joke made me gag a little. Yes, I know I just set myself up for another joke. This entire thread is an abomination.

Crush
04-11-2011, 09:47 PM
35 times a day? There is a fine line between pleasure and pain. The Cenobites taught me that.

lcarus
04-11-2011, 11:08 PM
Sure, I guess I'd try to pull it off.

T-post Tom
04-11-2011, 11:31 PM
Easy. All you need is the internet and a supple wrist:

http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff81/love4claire/1182251993407.jpg

CrazyPhuD
04-12-2011, 12:49 AM
Sure, I guess I'd try to pull it off.

I hope you don't succeed that would probably be painful...

chasedude
04-12-2011, 01:07 AM
Why do I even click threads like this?

Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please,
Let the season start on time so threads like these get buried under a bunch of Football related ones!

Short Leash Hootie
04-12-2011, 01:08 AM
a gallon of sperm in 1 week?

dude that would be like 1000 jerk off sessions...

at least make it realistic

Hog Farmer
04-12-2011, 05:35 AM
I've got gallons of the stuff just lying around. This wouldn't be a problem.

Over-Head
04-12-2011, 05:36 AM
Provided that the party buying your sperm had to have it every single week and if you miss any week at all, the deal would be over. An entire gallon of only your own sperm, every week. They will be able to tell if it's not all of yours.

Would you sign up for that job? Would you decline?

How hard would you try to keep this job?

Think about it, grab a jug of milk and think. Could you fill that with your own sperm in a week's period for $20,000 every week?

You running for the title of Goat Boy Jr or something.....Man your heads just bad son....:doh!:

Sofa King
04-12-2011, 07:13 AM
Holy shit this thread is stupid.