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View Full Version : Poop Bathroom tactics and farting in front of women you just started dating/seeing


Bill Parcells
04-17-2011, 08:39 AM
I always had this fear of going over a girls house (when I first meet her) and blowing up the bathroom with a huge dump. or getting gas pains and having to fart to relieve them.

People of CP. tell me your horror stories in here.

Bacon Cheeseburger
04-17-2011, 08:40 AM
Is this what you meant when you said you got shit to do today?

Bill Parcells
04-17-2011, 08:41 AM
Is this what you meant when you said you got shit to do today?

Nah, I already blew up the shitter about an hour ago after coffee. now I just cant stop farting. and yes, I am actually heading out now.

KurtCobain
04-17-2011, 08:42 AM
I'm coming to the east cost to show you a few things. Expect me around 6 today, and I'd like a guest room with the smell of lemon.

Bill Parcells
04-17-2011, 08:42 AM
I doubt I'll ever be welcomed at a bash event after this thread.

ROFL

keg in kc
04-17-2011, 08:43 AM
I'm old fashioned, I'll leave the room if I have to fart.

And I'm a complete privacy in the bathroom kind of guy. I don't want you in there when I'm doing my business, and I don't want to be in there when you do yours. That's not any kind of "intimacy" I'm interested in having. If you can't handle that, if you get some kind of abandonment issues because I don't even want to hear you pissing, much less shitting, then you need to find another dude.

Phobia
04-17-2011, 08:43 AM
It's the craziest thing. I did that with my wife. I knew it was special then. Which is ironic because I love her more than I ever thought I could but she's very well aware that I fart and shit now.

Pasta Giant Meatball
04-17-2011, 08:45 AM
I doubt I'll ever be welcomed at a bash event after this thread.

ROFL

Nonsense, I'm sure you'd fit right in. Poop has always been highly regarded around here. Heck, I've seen several threads of people talkin about shittin thier pants ROFL

KurtCobain
04-17-2011, 08:47 AM
wait... you guys fart and shit too?

Phobia
04-17-2011, 08:48 AM
Nonsense, I'm sure you'd fit right in. Poop has always been highly regarded around here. Heck, I've seen several threads of people talkin about shittin thier pants ROFL

Tomatoes.

seclark
04-17-2011, 08:53 AM
thanksgiving dinner, 1982.
ran everybody out of the dining room. got a drumstick!
sec

RJ
04-17-2011, 09:00 AM
If I stopped farting my wife would think I was dead.

seclark
04-17-2011, 09:06 AM
If I stopped farting my wife would think I was dead.

same here...actually, it's our most common conversation.

me: {fart!}
her: what'd you do...shit your pants?

sec

Lonewolf Ed
04-17-2011, 09:16 AM
All I know is once you hear her fart, then it's open season and the genie can never go back in the bottle.

ChiTown
04-17-2011, 09:17 AM
You rang?

booger
04-17-2011, 09:42 AM
don't let a girl tell you girls don't fart or crap. They're full of shit when they say that. I've smelt farts from a girls ass that would make a dog gag.

But yeah i guess its a good idea to go to the rest room or fart down wind from her until you know each other better.

Also sticking breath mints or tic tacs up your butt does not work. Don't fall for that one.

notorious
04-17-2011, 10:12 AM
If I stopped farting my wife would think I was dead.

So True! ROFL

gblowfish
04-17-2011, 10:23 AM
Is this a poop thread, or does it just have the vague aroma of a poop thread?

Slainte
04-17-2011, 10:25 AM
I'm coming to the east cost to show you a few things. Expect me around 6 today, and I'd like a guest room with the smell of lemon.

"Now it smells like lemons and ass in here! It's a lemonass! But you know ass is always going to win."

booger
04-17-2011, 10:25 AM
Is this a poop thread, or does it just have the vague aroma of a poop thread?

smells like mustard and spam

booger
04-17-2011, 10:29 AM
.<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bRzcl10U5k0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Kerberos
04-17-2011, 11:08 AM
Tomatoes.

IIRC those were "Fresh off the Vine" Tomatoe Sharts were they not?

ROFL

KurtCobain
04-17-2011, 11:23 AM
smells like poop spirit

Buck
04-17-2011, 11:49 AM
Dude I could have started this same thread.

I only have to fart after drinking beer, and it doesn't really come until way after I've been drinking. This girl I'm seeing likes to stay up really late and I have to fart so I tell her I have to go pee or whatever and go fart in the bathroom.

Even when I wake up in the morning and she's still sleeping I'm afraid to fart because I don't know if she's really sleeping or not (she's not a great sleeper).

As far as shitting goes, luckily I don't poop that often these days and I can pretty much hold it in til whenever.

HoneyBadger
04-17-2011, 11:54 AM
don't let a girl tell you girls don't fart or crap. They're full of shit when they say that. I've smelt farts from a girls ass that would make a dog gag.

But yeah i guess its a good idea to go to the rest room or fart down wind from her until you know each other better.

Also sticking breath mints or tic tacs up your butt does not work. Don't fall for that one.

I will still choose to believe girls don't have any gross body functions.

Rausch
04-17-2011, 11:58 AM
Dude I could have started this same thread.

I only have to fart after drinking beer, and it doesn't really come until way after I've been drinking. This girl I'm seeing likes to stay up really late and I have to fart so I tell her I have to go pee or whatever and go fart in the bathroom.

Even when I wake up in the morning and she's still sleeping I'm afraid to fart because I don't know if she's really sleeping or not (she's not a great sleeper).

You picked the perfect avatar for a thread like this.

Apparently you also can't make up your mind or tell the family "GTFO 'cause I need some ME time..."

Buck
04-17-2011, 11:59 AM
You picked the perfect avatar for a thread like this.

Apparently you also can't make up your mind or tell the family "GTFO 'cause I need some ME time..."

...what because I don't want to fart in front of a girl?

Phobia
04-17-2011, 01:04 PM
IIRC those were "Fresh off the Vine" Tomatoe Sharts were they not?

ROFL

Heh. Somebody remembers. Yeah. Tomatoes are awesome but they will also mess you up.

Frazod
04-17-2011, 01:15 PM
You know it's meant to be when you can fart and pull the covers over her head and she doesn't immediately pack her stuff and leave. :evil:

whoaskew
04-17-2011, 01:34 PM
I always had this fear of going over a girls house (when I first meet her) and blowing up the bathroom with a huge dump. or getting gas pains and having to fart to relieve them.

People of CP. tell me your horror stories in here.


I try to sh*t at her place as soon as possible. Let's her know that I won't be putting her on any pedestals.




You know it's meant to be when you can fart and pull the covers over her head and she doesn't immediately pack her stuff and leave. :evil:

Gracie Dean
04-17-2011, 03:05 PM
Before the Crohn's I always went to the bathroom even if it was just to fart . Now, well Crohn's kind of changes things. My husband knows just by the smell how bad I am feeling and the closer to chemo day, the worse it gets. We invest in a LOT of candles and air freshener

Demonpenz
04-17-2011, 03:22 PM
alpha males are proud of their poop

mikey23545
04-17-2011, 03:37 PM
same here...actually, it's our most common conversation.

me: {fart!}
her: what'd you do...shit your pants?

sec

With mine it's usually something like "You realize that's not normal, right? You probably should get checked for cancer or something." Or, "I swear you must have the ass-end of some kind of animal. You can't be all human"

bevischief
04-17-2011, 07:12 PM
I only fart when I am baking brownies.

threebag02
04-17-2011, 08:51 PM
The sooner the gas is passed. The closer you are to a blumpkin.

Mosbonian
04-17-2011, 08:54 PM
You know it's meant to be when you can fart and pull the covers over her head and she doesn't immediately pack her stuff and leave. :evil:

The ol' Dutch Oven...nothing like breaking them in right.

rtmike
04-17-2011, 09:26 PM
You know it's meant to be when you can fart and pull the covers over her head and she doesn't immediately pack her stuff and leave. :evil:







Or in the OP's case, that would means she's paraplegic LOL


Funny shit there, being a paraplegic & all. :spock:

rtmike
04-17-2011, 09:29 PM
The wife & I had been dating for several months & we were laying on the couch. We had never passed gas in front of each other yet & she mentioned having gas & I said, "wow, so do I".

So I said how bout we fart together at the count of 3. I don't need to tell you what I did..or didn't do. :evil:

whoaskew
04-18-2011, 12:14 AM
Funny shit there, being a paraplegic & all. :spock:

Sorry about that. I wasn't thinking that one through.

Phobia
04-18-2011, 12:17 AM
Funny shit there, being a paraplegic & all. :spock:

If we can't make fun of paraplegic or black folks, what's the point of jokes Mike?

If you can beat me in a footrace, I'll cut it out with the paraplegic jokes.

Otter
04-18-2011, 12:28 AM
You know it's special when you're being spooned and let a big ripper fly at 2am, get slapped on the shoulder a couple times while hearing "ewwww, that was right on my leg" then go back to sleep like nothing happened.

She's a keeper.

booger
04-18-2011, 03:10 AM
oldy but a goodie

does have fart noises otherwise it is SFW.

<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KqkaMhRVbfc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

booger
04-18-2011, 03:32 AM
this one always turns me on


<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QAiBBJx9lf8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Crush
04-18-2011, 04:07 AM
It is all fun and games until someone sharts.

booger
04-18-2011, 04:37 AM
speaking of sharts..........


http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=166369&highlight=tomato+shart

rtmike
04-18-2011, 05:47 PM
If we can't make fun of paraplegic or black folks, what's the point of jokes Mike?

If you can beat me in a footrace, I'll cut it out with the paraplegic jokes.

I like how you worked one of my previous jokes in there.

It's only OK if the color folk or disabled people are poking fun @ themselves, you know, double standard & all.