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threebag02
04-26-2011, 02:48 PM
http://www.singledudetravel.com/

Don't forget to fuck the fat ones!
By ¡Raul!

Yeah, I said it. Don’t forget to fuck the fat ones! Sometimes in life you are presented with a situation in which you have a choice: Am I going to “lower” my standards and bang this heifer? Listen, I can’t tell you whether the answer is yes every time, but as long as the chick is under 200 pounds, has a nice face, good skin and not 5’2” with all of that weight, I say go for it. Why? Why the fuck not?

The most common situation where this happens is when you are out with some buddies, you run into some chicks and one of them is overweight. This happens a lot. Skinny chicks like to hang with larger chicks to feel skinnier and larger chicks like to hang with skinny chicks to feel relevant. It also helps the larger chicks pull in some dick. A lot of times upon meeting a three top of chicks, you and your buddies have already talked about your personal targets. If I, ¡Raul!, am not into the boney chicks at the table, and the larger one is acceptable, I will claim her in a second. Why? I am a great teammate, I know I am going to get laid, and now I can party and get as fucked up as I want because this fat chick is going to do everything she can to make it happen with me. Listen, these fat chicks don’t get a chance with ¡Raul! that very often. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for them. They jump on it like a tower of fried cheese covered in ranch dressing and bacon bits. After I have taken the fat one and probably made out with her very quickly, this automatically gives my boys a better shot at their tail.

“Wait, our fat friend is already getting some tongue from that hot Greek statue of a man? Well, she looks to be having a good time. I want that too!”

You are welcome teammates.

Now, ¡Raul!, “Isn’t it gross when you get their clothes off?”, you say. Not really. Hey, its just a roll here and a crevice there. But, most of the times there are going to be some good things too, like huge tits. If the chick has pretty good skin and is just a little large, she is going to look fine. Remember, you are probably drunk right now. If one position is not working for you, just resort to doggie. Pretty much any chick looks good doggie. It allows all the fat to shift forward and you to get your bone on. ¡Raul!’s personal secret is to carry around a small tin of flour. If you can’t find where to stick it, roll her in it and look for the wet spot. Booya.

Another thing to remember about these goddesses of gluttony is that fat can go to the lip area. This creates an amazing cushion for ¡Raul! to insert penis A into mouth B. If you have never received a blow job from a fat chick, you are missing out on life. It is truly one of life’s great things that must be experienced. Skinny chicks are not used to sticking things in their mouth. They do not eat. They don’t know what to do with it. But, those fat chicks? You fucking guessed it right. They have been practicing for years with fudge pops, fried chicken, lamb kebobs, you name it. They know what it feels like with a something large in their mouth and they know what to do with it. A fat chick will suck your dick like the antidote is in it. Period.

The final thing that ¡Raul! loves about banging Large Marge is that you really can try anything you want. I repeat, ANYTHING. One thing I would not recommend unless you are as large and muscular as me is putting her on top. If you can handle the weight, she will love it. She probably has not experienced that in a while. But, I repeat, you need to be of bodybuilder size and strength to accomplish such a feat. Have fun with her. She is like your own overly-inflated blowup doll.

So, let’s recount the qualities of fat chicks:

1. Usually easy
2. Great blowjobs
3. You can do anything you want
4. Did I mention easy?
5. Can make you a good teammate

Dudes, think what you want about this, but you are missing out if you don’t try it with that chick who’s only questionable attribute is her plumpness. It will be fun, and if not, you can always extract yourself from the situation by running, because who cares, she is not going to be able to catch you. She is fat.

Charlie adds:

I feel like I need to dissent.* However ¡Raul! has a pretty watertight argument here.* One thing I like about this also is that ¡Raul! and I never fight over chicks when we go out!* He is indeed a good teammate.* On the rest of this this I will respectfully abstain from the discussion.

Boris adds:

¡Raul! is right. This reminds of a joke that’s funny because it’s true: “Why are fat chicks and mopeds the same? They’re both fun to ride until a friend sees you!”

threebag02
04-26-2011, 02:49 PM
Do you have what it takes to be a good wingman?

chiefsnorth
04-26-2011, 02:52 PM
I have never understood this. Nailing some cow is not better than going home alone. Gross... IMO

Sofa King
04-26-2011, 02:53 PM
This is Pestilence's life guide right here. Except he looks specifically for the fat chicks.

Pants
04-26-2011, 02:54 PM
I have never understood this. Nailing some cow is not better than going home alone. Gross... IMO

This.

DO NOT WANT.

Predarat
04-26-2011, 03:05 PM
Omaha where are you???

Count Zarth
04-26-2011, 03:28 PM
Can't get hard around fat girls.

Fish
04-26-2011, 03:29 PM
Is the author alluding that all overweight women have the same attitudes and desires?

They are still women after all....

Donger
04-26-2011, 03:33 PM
The author left out the word "Ugly" in the title.

chiefsnorth
04-26-2011, 03:54 PM
This.

DO NOT WANT.

Glad I am not alone.

So the bar is closing... why not go get some food, sleep in your own bed, not become the butt of jokes for months/years, maintain your standards/respect for yourself... Besides ... DO NOT WANT... As you put it.

mikey23545
04-26-2011, 04:08 PM
"A fat chick will suck your dick like the antidote is in it."


LMAO

MahiMike
04-26-2011, 05:08 PM
Many a time I went the 'GUE' route (Go Ugly Early). It helped with DSB (Dreaded Semen Buildup).

HoneyBadger
04-26-2011, 05:18 PM
Close your eyes, and it feels the same.

Pants
04-26-2011, 05:24 PM
Close your eyes, and it feels the same.

If I'm closing my eyes, I might as well just jackoff.

Brock
04-26-2011, 05:28 PM
If the fat ones are okay, then why not the just plain old batshit ugly ones? Disagree entirely with all of that.

|Zach|
04-26-2011, 05:29 PM
I think people make getting decent women harder than it has to be.

KCSupersized
04-26-2011, 05:29 PM
She might not be what you want, but she'll be all you want!

DaKCMan AP
04-26-2011, 05:37 PM
DaKCMan AP doesn't do heifers.

Pants
04-26-2011, 05:38 PM
I think people make getting decent women harder than it has to be.

I think peoples standards are different as well.

threebag02
04-26-2011, 05:38 PM
Go BIG or go home.

|Zach|
04-26-2011, 05:39 PM
I think peoples standards are different as well.

True.

Gadzooks
04-26-2011, 06:22 PM
Is the author alluding that all overweight women have the same attitudes and desires?

They are still women after all....

The vast majority of women have low self esteem.
The guys who get the hot chicks only do so because they arrived on the scene first.

BTW - a big fat ugly girl will turn you down before one of the hot chicks if she has a shred of self-esteem.

Sad, sad world we live in.:shake:

DA_T_84
04-26-2011, 06:25 PM
Ah, just make her lick your butt when she goes down on you. Then laugh.

crazycoffey
04-26-2011, 06:26 PM
as long as I'm not the only one on "my team" of guys that is constantly jumping on the land mine.... Why not. I take one for the team and next couple weekends, I'm banging the hot friends until it's my turn to take the fatty again.

HoneyBadger
04-26-2011, 06:49 PM
Ah, just make her lick your butt when she goes down on you. Then fart.

FYP

factortobe
04-26-2011, 07:04 PM
:popcorn: Its hog'n night let's go!!!

Marcellus
04-26-2011, 07:10 PM
My grandpa always said "marry a fat chick."

I said "Why?"

He said "marry a hot chick and she will always get hit on and eventually find someone better looking or with more money and leave ya high and dry."

I said "a fat chick can leave you too."

He said "yea but who gives a shit."

Pestilence
04-26-2011, 08:04 PM
This is Pestilence's life guide right here. Except he looks specifically for the fat chicks.

ROFL

PunkinDrublic
04-26-2011, 08:56 PM
Nothing wrong with hooking up with the fatties. I've met a lot of chicks who ended up being heavier than their profile pick online who were down to hookup. When this happens you gotta man up and go through with it. Then quietly wipe the shame sweat off your face and head to waffle house alone.

threebag02
04-26-2011, 09:18 PM
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ_7me2FzBoF09DCo8MTAc_ISxweyjkuLRE6oAr4glCoI9unZLTnQ

chiefsnorth
04-26-2011, 10:45 PM
Close your eyes, and it feels the same.

Whoever made that up must never have hit anything decent.

Bump
04-27-2011, 12:15 AM
I'd like to start partying with this dude, my friends always bitch about taking the grenades, but they do it.