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ROYC75
05-11-2011, 10:15 AM
I read an article today that spoke about couples that keep their income and split the bills. I have only heard of this idea when couples are not married, but married ? Is there anybody here doing this ?

I have always been the primary wage earner with what little the wife has brought in and it's always been " Our money " ( sometimes it use to seem like Her's, her's and her's ) . Since the time of her getting sick several years ago, I have handle all of the finances. At times, it can be difficult to remember all of the little things to plan for, clothing, women things, etc. For the most part, it has came off with no glitch.

Is it common for married couples ( Middle Class income , we know the rich have more money than sense ) to split their income, pay separate bills and keep the rest?

What say you ?

Simplex3
05-11-2011, 10:19 AM
The money goes in a pool and the bills are paid with it. I don't personally understand the my money/her money thing but to each their own.

Dayze
05-11-2011, 10:20 AM
we have our money in one pool. has always worked great for us.
but, it makes it hard if I want to surprise her with gifts etc. I'd love to get her a really nice ring one day, but it's hard to do when all the income and expenses are transparent.

we've kicked around the idea of splitting it up once we're out of debt, though. But, we'll see. if it aint broke, don't fix it. Every couple I know who split their income, have pretty serious arguments about money fairly often. I'm not saying everyone is like this, just everyone I know personnaly etc.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 11:17 AM
My wife is free to look at our books anytime she wants to. In 15 years she hasn't done so once. If she ever did decide to earn some money on her own I guess that would be hers to do with what she wants.

DaKCMan AP
05-11-2011, 11:22 AM
I read an article today that spoke about couples that keep their income and split the bills. I have only heard of this idea when couples are not married, but married ? Is there anybody here doing this ?

I have always been the primary wage earner with what little the wife has brought in and it's always been " Our money " ( sometimes it use to seem like Her's, her's and her's ) . Since the time of her getting sick several years ago, I have handle all of the finances. At times, it can be difficult to remember all of the little things to plan for, clothing, women things, etc. For the most part, it has came off with no glitch.

Is it common for married couples ( Middle Class income , we know the rich have more money than sense ) to split their income, pay separate bills and keep the rest?

What say you ?

I think it's a more modern thing and you're old, which is why you do it the old way (combined everything). What I've seen is a more mild version of this where the couple has a joint account and two separate accounts. most of the money goes to the joint but each gets an "allowance" in the separate accounts that is his or hers to mange/spend without the other's input.

It's also important to distinguish what you consider middle class and rich. Your idea of what classifies for each may be different from reality.

Pants
05-11-2011, 11:25 AM
When I get married, I intend to have one checking account and one savings account. Both of them will be equally my wife's as they are mine. The whole point of marriage is for a couple to become a unit (family). This is why I'm waiting for the woman I'm going to marry to pay her CC debts off before I propose. I don't want her debts to become my debts.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 11:26 AM
When I get married, I intend to have one checking account and 1 saving account. Both of them will be equally my wife's as they are mine. The whole point of marriage is for a couple to become a unit (family). This is why I'm waiting for the woman I'm going to marry to pay her CC debts off before I propose. I don't want her debts to become my debts.

You have your head on straight here.

ROYC75
05-11-2011, 11:27 AM
When I get married, I intend to have one checking account and one savings account. Both of them will be equally my wife's as they are mine. The whole point of marriage is for a couple to become a unit (family). This is why I'm waiting for the woman I'm going to marry to pay her CC debts off before I propose. I don't want her debts to become my debts.

Just asking here, you have no debts?

DaKCMan AP
05-11-2011, 11:28 AM
we have our money in one pool. has always worked great for us.
but, it makes it hard if I want to surprise her with gifts etc. I'd love to get her a really nice ring one day, but it's hard to do when all the income and expenses are transparent.

we've kicked around the idea of splitting it up once we're out of debt, though. But, we'll see. if it aint broke, don't fix it. Every couple I know who split their income, have pretty serious arguments about money fairly often. I'm not saying everyone is like this, just everyone I know personnaly etc.

I've read articles that argue the opposite, at least initially.

8. Will we operate from one checkbook or three?

Young couples often assume they must have a joint checking account to prove they're united. Older newlyweds, accustomed to managing their own money, often want individual accounts to retain their autonomy.
Neither approach is necessarily wrong -- though neither is particularly right, either.

Jumping into a joint account as newlyweds isn't always the smartest approach until you've had time to learn each other's financial habits. For instance, if one partner puts every purchase on a credit card, and the other uses only cash, the family's income may not stretch across the monthly paychecks -- especially if neither spouse keeps close track of how much they've spent.
Better to operate from three accounts early on: a joint account that each of you helps fund to handle combined expenses such as food, housing and utilities; and two individual accounts into which you each dump a monthly allowance that pays for individual discretionary wants.

Of course, continuing to operate from individual accounts isn't always the smartest approach, either. For one thing, those accounts can mask a family's true financial picture, since the money is often viewed as "mine" and not "ours." As such, says Ms. Fleming, the planner in Walnut Creek, Calif., "families have a hard time saving for important wants when their individual paychecks are going into separate accounts. There is value in feeling like you're a unit, striving toward something important to both of you."

Moreover, if one partner saves in that individual account instead of spends from it, the situation could bring financial tensions. The spender could see all the cash the saver has socked away, and all the spending that represents, and get jealous.

If you ultimately choose to operate from a joint account, allow each partner to spend a certain amount monthly without permission from the other. And agree on a limit beyond which a purchase must be discussed. For Ms. Sozanski and Mr. Pironti, the Boston couple, that amount is $250. Anything pricier they must agree on before buying. If, however, your partner is a serial violator, overspending his or her amount month after month, then it's probably best that both partners stick to individual accounts.

Meanwhile, if you operate from individual accounts, both of those accounts should ultimately be made available to help afford family purchases that the joint account alone can't handle.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB114288450388303200.html?mod=todays_us_the_journal_report

DaKCMan AP
05-11-2011, 11:30 AM
When I get married, I intend to have one checking account and one savings account. Both of them will be equally my wife's as they are mine. The whole point of marriage is for a couple to become a unit (family). This is why I'm waiting for the woman I'm going to marry to pay her CC debts off before I propose. I don't want her debts to become my debts.

Just one of each, or just joint? ;) I'm single and have multiple checking/savings accounts just for myself.

Oh, and very smart about the debt.

Just asking here, you have no debts?

Is that so surprising?

vailpass
05-11-2011, 11:31 AM
As with everything else in a good marriage there is no one right way to do things. Each couple must figure out what works best for them. The important thing is that both understand,agree, and are happy with what they are doing.
Like Pants said, the whole point is to become a solid couple operating as one.
For my wife and I that means one thing, for someone else it means another.

DaKCMan AP
05-11-2011, 11:32 AM
As with everything else in a good marriage there is no one right way to do things. Each couple must figure out what works best for them. The important thing is that both understand,agree, and are happy with what they are doing.

:thumb:

patteeu
05-11-2011, 11:34 AM
My wife and I have always been a one pool family and I don't really like the idea of keeping money separate for the same reason Pants mentioned.

My sister and her husband kept their money entirely separate. They're divorced now. I don't think the separate money was the issue, but who knows whether that kind of thinking contributed. :shrug:

Saul Good
05-11-2011, 11:39 AM
My wife and I have our own accounts that we had before we were married, but there's no concept of my money or her money. Its all our money.

I like having two accounts because we don't have to worry about bouncing the account because one of us made a large purchase or something. Also, its nice when it comes to gifts. If a couple of plane tickets or something hit the statement, I don't have to worry that she won't be surprised.

ROYC75
05-11-2011, 11:41 AM
Just one of each, or just joint? ;) I'm single and have multiple checking/savings accounts just for myself.

Oh, and very smart about the debt.



Is that so surprising?

No.

Just asking if he had debt, cause if so, should she have to bear the burden of his? If he had none, holding off is good, wise choice to get a fresh start together.

Saul Good
05-11-2011, 11:43 AM
My wife and I have always been a one pool family and I don't really like the idea of keeping money separate for the same reason Pants mentioned.

My sister and her husband kept their money entirely separate. They're divorced now. I don't think the separate money was the issue, but who knows whether that kind of thinking contributed. :shrug:

I agree that the money shouldn't be his or hers. IMO, couples who operate this way have issues beyond just money.

Jaric
05-11-2011, 11:44 AM
We each have our own checking accounts as well as a joint account used for bills.

Works fine. If either one of us needs money for something we give it to each other. It's really more for simplicity than anything else. I don't have to ask permission for every minor purchase or worry about if there is enough money in the account because of something she's purchased.

Saul Good
05-11-2011, 11:47 AM
No.

Just asking if you had debt, cause if so, should she have to bear the burden of yours? If you have none, holding off is good, wise choice to get a fresh start together.

I disagree for a couple of reasons. First of all, pre-marital debt does not become assumed by the spouse upon marriage in most cases. Second, if you plan on marrying someone, debt is a road you hoe together. If you love someone enough to marry her, you should love her enough to deal with a few credit cards together. If she can cook and you can't, should she wait until you learn how?

vailpass
05-11-2011, 11:48 AM
Question for those of you with wives who work outside of the home. I know this is personal and understand if you don't want to say:

*Do any of your wives earn more than you?
* If NO, how would you feel if she did?

Jaric
05-11-2011, 11:48 AM
Question for those of you with wives who work outside of the home. I know this is personal and understand if you don't want to say:

*Do any of your wives earn more than you?

I wish.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 11:49 AM
I disagree for a couple of reasons. First of all, pre-marital debt does not become assumed by the spouse upon marriage in most cases. Second, if you plan on marrying someone, debt is a road you hoe together. If you love someone enough to marry her, you should love her enough to deal with a few credit cards together. If she can cook and you can't, should she wait until you learn how?

Row, you hoe a fugging ROW! Who the hell ever hoed a road??/pet peeve rant, sorry Saul.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 11:51 AM
I wish.

That is how I think I would feel if my wife worked and earned more than me. OTOH I would never want her to do what it would take to do that because it would severely detract from what she brings to our family which is worth 10000000X any amount of money.

Most of the people I do things with don't have working spouses and I know some of them would be very uncomfortable if their wife made more than them. Old fashioned or insecure?

DaKCMan AP
05-11-2011, 11:56 AM
Question for those of you with wives who work outside of the home. I know this is personal and understand if you don't want to say:

*Do any of your wives earn more than you?
* If NO, how would you feel if she did?

My ex gf earned more than me. I thought it was awesome and motivating at the same time.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 11:57 AM
My ex gf earned more than me. I thought it was awesome and motivating at the same time.

:thumb: If she was your girlfriend of course she was AWESOME. duh.
Why was it motivating?

patteeu
05-11-2011, 11:57 AM
I disagree for a couple of reasons. First of all, pre-marital debt does not become assumed by the spouse upon marriage in most cases. Second, if you plan on marrying someone, debt is a road you hoe together. If you love someone enough to marry her, you should love her enough to deal with a few credit cards together. If she can cook and you can't, should she wait until you learn how?

Yeah same here. I'd be more concerned with the propensity to create debt than the debt itself. As long as she's got that under control, I don't see any reason to wait until the debt is paid off.

Jaric
05-11-2011, 11:59 AM
That is how I think I would feel if my wife worked and earned more than me. OTOH I would never want her to do what it would take to do that because it would severely detract from what she brings to our family which is worth 10000000X any amount of money.

Most of the people I do things with don't have working spouses and I know some of them would be very uncomfortable if their wife made more than them. Old fashioned or insecure?

We don't have kids, so her making more money = more disposable income for us.

In other words. I could finally get myself an Xbox360.

DaKCMan AP
05-11-2011, 11:59 AM
:thumb: If she was your girlfriend of course she was AWESOME. duh.
Why was it motivating?

She's 5yrs older than me and further along in her career. We're both engineers.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 12:09 PM
She's 5yrs older than me and further along in her career. We're both engineers.

Cool, thanks.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 12:10 PM
We don't have kids, so her making more money = more disposable income for us.

In other words. I could finally get myself an Xbox360.

Interesting, thanks.

HonestChieffan
05-11-2011, 01:44 PM
I make it.
She spends it.

Perfect division of responsibility

Jaric
05-11-2011, 01:53 PM
Interesting, thanks.

For the record though, if we could live our current lifestlyle on just my salary I wouldn't think twice about telling her to quit her job and stay at home.

But, like probably most every family these days, that's not a reality.

eazyb81
05-11-2011, 02:24 PM
Yeah same here. I'd be more concerned with the propensity to create debt than the debt itself. As long as she's got that under control, I don't see any reason to wait until the debt is paid off.

Agree. Seems strange and short-sighted to wait until random CC debt is paid off.

Most likely there is an underlying issue that would be truly driving the delay.

eazyb81
05-11-2011, 02:27 PM
We both share one checking and one savings. She has one CC, I have two, and we usually use those if we want to surprise one another.

Of course I am responsible for paying those each month so I could see any "secret" expenses if they happened weeks/months in advance.

We've previously discussed having separate "play" checking accounts, and keeping one main joint checking account for bills, etc., but just never got around to doing it, and I doubt we will at this point.

Separating money beyond that seems very strange to me. Marriage is supposed to be about sharing and working as a unit, not separating assets and labeling whats yours and mine.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 02:28 PM
For the record though, if we could live our current lifestlyle on just my salary I wouldn't think twice about telling her to quit her job and stay at home.

But, like probably most every family these days, that's not a reality.

I wish you both a long and happy marriage.

vailpass
05-11-2011, 02:29 PM
I make it.
She spends it.

Perfect division of responsibility

:toast:

donkhater
05-11-2011, 03:54 PM
we have our money in one pool. has always worked great for us.
but, it makes it hard if I want to surprise her with gifts etc. I'd love to get her a really nice ring one day, but it's hard to do when all the income and expenses are transparent.



Whenever I want to surprise my wife with a gift, I take out the cash and pay for it in cash. If I can't afford to do that, it don't get bought.

Dayze
05-11-2011, 03:58 PM
my wife and I are really good about not spending too much money from the account etc. neither one of us are much of spenders anyway. Her - she likes books, Nook gift cards etc; Me - beer, chew and video games.

if either one of us wants somethign that's like more than say $40/50 etc, we usually just ask the other "Hey, are we ok if I spend X on Y". If we're not, we'll wait until it's ok etc. So, thankfully, no issues from either of us splurging the account and leaving no money for bills etc.

Dayze
05-11-2011, 04:01 PM
Whenever I want to surprise my wife with a gift, I take out the cash and pay for it in cash. If I can't afford to do that, it don't get bought.

yeah me too.
but she usually says "....why did you withdrawal $100" etc :banghead:

It's all good; usually I'll get whatever I want to get her, like the day of or day before I want to give it to her.

DaKCMan AP
05-11-2011, 04:16 PM
For the record though, if we could live our current lifestlyle on just my salary I wouldn't think twice about telling her to quit her job and stay at home.

But, like probably most every family these days, that's not a reality.

Telling or asking? Would she have a say in the decision? :hmmm:

Jaric
05-11-2011, 04:20 PM
I wish you both a long and happy marriage.

It'd be a lot happier if she'd let me buy an xbox 360

:harumph:

(Thanks)

Jaric
05-11-2011, 04:21 PM
Telling or asking? Would she have a say in the decision? :hmmm:

You read far too much into that.

DaKCMan AP
05-11-2011, 04:25 PM
You read far too much into that.

I thought so, but you never know. ;)

luv
05-11-2011, 04:35 PM
I say do it however works best for your relationship.

I know of some married couples who each have their own checking accounts that paychecks and such get deposited into. They have a joint account that they put money for bills, vacations, and such into. Otherwise, they are free to do with as they wish with their money. I can see how it would save on some headaches. No more petty disagreements over how money is spent, much easier to surprise the other person with a gift, etc.

Other household believe that the man should take care of everything, or whoever the major breadwinner is. In some, one person may make more of the money, but the other is better at managing it. It all depends on the personality types and strengths of each person.

Iowanian
05-11-2011, 04:52 PM
We keep 2 accounts, with both parties listed, one just listed first on each.
We both have access via the internet to check what we want or transfer money.

She writes most of the checks for bills, and pays whatever she wants out of whichever account she wants, major bills come from mine(house, taxes etc).

We keep 2 accounts, but it's a given that the money is community and if she gets short, she's welcome to let me know what she's doing and transfer money. Sometimes with bonus bucks, I'll drop some for her randomly.

It's just easier for us in that she keeps her books to the penny, and I don't....and I don't want to have to wonder what she's bought today if I want to make a seat of my pants purchase.

I also figure have her name on an account, her name on some of the bills and a credit card in her name gives her some personal credit, in the case that I were to croak, or be murderized by 500lb bench pressing internet persons.

Earthling
05-11-2011, 08:12 PM
My wife makes more than I do and I have zero problems with that. :p Zero debt at this point so money isn't that much of an issue with us.

petegz28
05-11-2011, 08:22 PM
I know several couples who do the mine\yours thing. They fight all the time.

Saul Good
05-11-2011, 09:14 PM
Question for those of you with wives who work outside of the home. I know this is personal and understand if you don't want to say:

*Do any of your wives earn more than you?
* If NO, how would you feel if she did?

My wife doesn't make anywhere near what I make. If she made more than me, that would kick ass.

ChiefsCountry
05-11-2011, 10:10 PM
I have two bank accounts for myself as a single guy. I would say I would keep one of those in my name only when I get married for certain business/family business matters. And that would be the pay for gifts for her account. :)

Inspector
05-13-2011, 10:12 AM
Just one account. She handles the household junk like paying bills and stuff. We have no debt so none of those issues. She doesn't work outside the home - but does babysit our grandkids so our kids don't have the expense of daycare. If I need cash for something like gas (which is about the only time I spend money), I just grab it out of her purse or one of our home cash stashes.

And I would love for her to make more than me. But she is retired and when I retire my pension will be considerably more than hers. But it's all one - including our savings and investment accounts and the passive income they supply.

I guess we go along with the "one unit" concept - we each comprise 1/2 of a whole. For the folks I've personally known who separate their dough, they ended up not being truly committed to their partner and most have since split. But I'm sure that's not true for all - just the ones I know of.

And yeah, like whathas pointed out, we're part of the older generation and have been doing this for a few decades now. Seems to work, but then we've always been fairly fortunate from an income standpoint.

vailpass
05-13-2011, 11:48 AM
My wife doesn't make anywhere near what I make. If she made more than me, that would kick ass.

It seems to me that to feel any other way would be illogical so long as it is a given that your wife is already working.

Dicky McElephant
05-13-2011, 12:40 PM
My wife and I have separate accounts. We divided the common bills evenly and we each pay different ones.

It works out perfectly for us.

vailpass
05-13-2011, 01:28 PM
My wife and I have separate accounts. We divided the common bills evenly and we each pay different ones.

It works out perfectly for us.

Good on you. This thread shows that there is no single right way to do things in a marriage; each couple finds what works for both of them. The one commonality I'm seeing is most are of the opinion that not commingling any income prevents a closeness forming in that particular area.

Pants
05-13-2011, 01:40 PM
Just asking here, you have no debts?

I don't have any CC debt. I'm not expecting her to be debt free, I just want her to pay her CCs off.

DJ's left nut
05-13-2011, 02:04 PM
I think you'll just kinda end up with a system...

My mom is an accountant and anal as all hell. My folks keep separate 'me' accounts and a 'we' account. All the money is pooled into one 'we' account and then they get an allowance to put into their 'me' accounts. I have no idea if this is income based, I would guess it probably isn't. Bills are paid out of the joint account, as are major expenditures (even cars).

My wife and I, OTOH, just put everything into a joint checking account (then transfer most of it into our savings after bills are paid). We discuss major purchases but my car is paid for by my work and we were both on board w/ the camaro. She wants a new SUV but recognizes she doesn't need one. I think we may go to war over the AR-15 I'm after, but ultimately I'm betting I'll win that one. Ultimately, it just seems easier to me this way.

RJ
05-13-2011, 02:43 PM
My wife and I have our own accounts that we had before we were married, but there's no concept of my money or her money. Its all our money.

I like having two accounts because we don't have to worry about bouncing the account because one of us made a large purchase or something. Also, its nice when it comes to gifts. If a couple of plane tickets or something hit the statement, I don't have to worry that she won't be surprised.


That's pretty much how we do it. And I think it's worth mentioning that we have never once in 14 years had an argument over money.

Dicky McElephant
05-13-2011, 02:58 PM
I think you'll just kinda end up with a system...

My mom is an accountant and anal as all hell. My folks keep separate 'me' accounts and a 'we' account. All the money is pooled into one 'we' account and then they get an allowance to put into their 'me' accounts. I have no idea if this is income based, I would guess it probably isn't. Bills are paid out of the joint account, as are major expenditures (even cars).

My wife and I, OTOH, just put everything into a joint checking account (then transfer most of it into our savings after bills are paid). We discuss major purchases but my car is paid for by my work and we were both on board w/ the camaro. She wants a new SUV but recognizes she doesn't need one. I think we may go to war over the AR-15 I'm after, but ultimately I'm betting I'll win that one. Ultimately, it just seems easier to me this way.

My parents do basically the same thing. Both of their paychecks go into one account and then they each get an "allowance" every week.

It works out awesome for them.