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KILLER_CLOWN
06-20-2011, 11:57 AM
If the Titanic sank today, here's how the President, the media and Wall Street would spin it (satire)

Monday, June 20, 2011
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com

(NaturalNews) What would all the world's experts and authorities say today if the Titanic were sinking but nobody was willing to admit it? The U.S. economy, after all, is sinking and taking on an unprecedented volume of water (i.e. debt), yet virtually no one is willing to admit the obvious fact that this ship is sinking. And much like with the Titanic, most "experts" continue to claim the U.S. economy is unsinkable, despite the obvious evidence that we might want to start heading for the life rafts.

So in the spirit of comedy -- which is, after all, what we are witnessing in Washington these days -- imagine The Titanic hitting an iceberg in 2011, followed by a string of experts all trying to spin the story their own way. Here's what they might say:

The White House Press Secretary: The iceberg was placed in the Atlantic ocean by Osama Bin Laden.

The chemist: That's not an iceberg. It's merely solid-state di-hydrogen oxide.

Al Gore: That iceberg wouldn't have even been there if the polar caps weren't melting.

The Congressman: Quick, let's pass a new law that says ships shall not sink.

President Obama: The Titanic isn't sinking. It's merely engaged in "aquatic action."

Former President Bush: Icebergs are weapons of mass destruction planted in the ocean by terrorists. We must avenge the iceberg terrorists!

The Pentagon: We will equalize the hole in one side of the ship by blowing a matching hole in the other side.

The TSA inspector: You're not allowed onto a lifeboat until we check your anus for explosives.

The Cancer Doctor: We can't fix the hole in the ship, but through the miracle of chemotherapy, we can make you suffer so much that you won't care.

The Wall Street investment banker: Don't worry, the Fed will bail out all the water we're taking on. The Titanic is too big to fail.

The teenage girl: Can I still text on my iPhone under water?

Congressman Weiner: Yes you can, and by the way, here's a very special "going away" message for you to remember me by.

Average Joe: Is the ship's buffet still open?

The FDA: We believe the ship is sinking because of an e.coli infection that spread from the galley.

The CDC: Everybody should get vaccinated before the ship sinks, just in case there's a shark-flu virus in the water.

The New Ager: There is no hole in the ship unless you believe there is a hole in the ship.

The Academic: I have published a paper that proves this ship is unsinkable. Would anyone like to read it? Please?

The Catholic priest: I think we should save all the children first. Which lifeboat are they on again?

The Journalist: The Titanic has a hole in its side, but official sources tell us it's only "aquatic action" and there's no cause for alarm. And we believe them.

The Federal Reserve: We have decided to dump more water onto the ship in the hope of making it float.

The Federal Government: Hey, these deck chairs look pretty nice. Let's rearrange them!

The Doctor: We need to order a couple dozen CT scans of the ship's null and bill them to Medicare before we have any idea at all what to do.

The Denialist: Stop talking about negative things. Stay focused on the positive and you won't need a life vest.

The Realist: This ship is going down, folks. You might want to think about taking action to keep yourself alive.

The Gullible Masses: Don't worry, this ship is unsinkable.

Even if it did sink, there are plenty of lifeboats.

Even if there aren't enough lifeboats, we all have life jackets.

Even if we don't have enough life jackets, the government will come save us.

Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/032753_Titanic_spin.html#ixzz1Pq9dTUR0

durtyrute
06-20-2011, 12:05 PM
If the Titanic sank today, here's how the President, the media and Wall Street would spin it (satire)

Monday, June 20, 2011
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com

(NaturalNews) What would all the world's experts and authorities say today if the Titanic were sinking but nobody was willing to admit it? The U.S. economy, after all, is sinking and taking on an unprecedented volume of water (i.e. debt), yet virtually no one is willing to admit the obvious fact that this ship is sinking. And much like with the Titanic, most "experts" continue to claim the U.S. economy is unsinkable, despite the obvious evidence that we might want to start heading for the life rafts.

So in the spirit of comedy -- which is, after all, what we are witnessing in Washington these days -- imagine The Titanic hitting an iceberg in 2011, followed by a string of experts all trying to spin the story their own way. Here's what they might say:

The White House Press Secretary: The iceberg was placed in the Atlantic ocean by Osama Bin Laden.

The chemist: That's not an iceberg. It's merely solid-state di-hydrogen oxide.

Al Gore: That iceberg wouldn't have even been there if the polar caps weren't melting.

The Congressman: Quick, let's pass a new law that says ships shall not sink.

President Obama: The Titanic isn't sinking. It's merely engaged in "aquatic action."

Former President Bush: Icebergs are weapons of mass destruction planted in the ocean by terrorists. We must avenge the iceberg terrorists!

The Pentagon: We will equalize the hole in one side of the ship by blowing a matching hole in the other side.

The TSA inspector: You're not allowed onto a lifeboat until we check your anus for explosives.

The Cancer Doctor: We can't fix the hole in the ship, but through the miracle of chemotherapy, we can make you suffer so much that you won't care.

The Wall Street investment banker: Don't worry, the Fed will bail out all the water we're taking on. The Titanic is too big to fail.

The teenage girl: Can I still text on my iPhone under water?

Congressman Weiner: Yes you can, and by the way, here's a very special "going away" message for you to remember me by.

Average Joe: Is the ship's buffet still open?

The FDA: We believe the ship is sinking because of an e.coli infection that spread from the galley.

The CDC: Everybody should get vaccinated before the ship sinks, just in case there's a shark-flu virus in the water.

The New Ager: There is no hole in the ship unless you believe there is a hole in the ship.

The Academic: I have published a paper that proves this ship is unsinkable. Would anyone like to read it? Please?

The Catholic priest: I think we should save all the children first. Which lifeboat are they on again?

The Journalist: The Titanic has a hole in its side, but official sources tell us it's only "aquatic action" and there's no cause for alarm. And we believe them.

The Federal Reserve: We have decided to dump more water onto the ship in the hope of making it float.

The Federal Government: Hey, these deck chairs look pretty nice. Let's rearrange them!

The Doctor: We need to order a couple dozen CT scans of the ship's null and bill them to Medicare before we have any idea at all what to do.

The Denialist: Stop talking about negative things. Stay focused on the positive and you won't need a life vest.

The Realist: This ship is going down, folks. You might want to think about taking action to keep yourself alive.

The Gullible Masses: Don't worry, this ship is unsinkable.

Even if it did sink, there are plenty of lifeboats.

Even if there aren't enough lifeboats, we all have life jackets.

Even if we don't have enough life jackets, the government will come save us.

Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/032753_Titanic_spin.html#ixzz1Pq9dTUR0

:clap:

blaise
06-20-2011, 12:13 PM
The conspiracy theorist: The ship didn't hit an iceberg. Ships don't sink from icebergs. The US government has a contract with a rival ship company and sank it.

KILLER_CLOWN
06-20-2011, 12:27 PM
The conspiracy theorist: The ship didn't hit an iceberg. Ships don't sink from icebergs. The US government has a contract with a rival ship company and sank it.

This was covered..

The Realist: This ship is going down, folks. You might want to think about taking action to keep yourself alive.

blaise
06-20-2011, 12:34 PM
This was covered..

The Realist: This ship is going down, folks. You might want to think about taking action to keep yourself alive.

No, that's different.

durtyrute
06-20-2011, 12:40 PM
The conspiracy theorist: The ship didn't hit an iceberg. Ships don't sink from icebergs. The US government has a contract with a rival ship company and sank it.

Dammit Newman, get it right.

The Conspiracy Theorist: It was never The Titanic that sank it was her sister ship The Olympic who was already damaged so it was called the Titanic and sent out then purposely sank as a part of an insurance scam.

Your welcome......LMAO

HonestChieffan
06-20-2011, 12:43 PM
The conspiracy theorist: The ship didn't hit an iceberg. Ships don't sink from icebergs. The US government has a contract with a rival ship company and sank it.

Alt 2) There never was a ship. Its an insurance scam. Obam unavailable playing golf.

Alt 3) It never sank. Its being retrofitted in south America and will be recommisioned after the insurance money is paid

KILLER_CLOWN
06-20-2011, 12:44 PM
A new disease has been found

BARAKNAPHOBIA

Government run media is warning the public about a supposed condition that has emerged in America which they have dubbed Baraknaphobia. The term is being applied to those who are alarmed at a fast moving infestation brought about by a nasty little insect known as a Baraknid and although the creature is small, its bite is astonishingly destructive.

None of the experts knows for certain precisely where the Baraknid originated, but it does not appear to be indigenous to America. Many believe it came from Africa, and that it was smuggled into the country with forged documents.

A parasitical creature, it spins a political web, and schemes at night while its unsuspecting victims are sleeping. Many fear the rapid reproduction of the Baraknid is the end of life as we know it in America. This is because, even though the Baraknid pandemic is only 2 years old, there are already many indicators the infestation will destroy the nation if it is not stopped.

Symptoms of the Baraknid infection include the following:

A loss of basic mathematical skills, most often manifested in overspending, causing insolvency

A sharp deterioration of productivity, causing Baraknid victims to be unable to find any market for their diminishing skill-set

An irresistible desire to bail-out Baraknid-run banks, which have become looted

A general sense of entitlement, as those bitten by the Baraknid seem to think that productive members of society should be required to support them

An intolerance of anyone who espouses the outmoded concept of pre-infestation family values

A creeping sensation that you've lost your home and your job, even as the blood-sucking bugs offer statistics saying it's just your imagination

Scientists theorize the Baraknid bug is able to immobilize its victims through a noxious noise that comes out of its two-faced mouth. Resembling speech, the sound it makes can be hypnotic, and causes unwary individuals to believe the insect is here to help us. Once it gets close enough, the Baraknid bites its prey and, in the process of sucking your blood, is thought to inject a virus that causes the parasite's victims to be transformed into zombie-like parasites themselves.

As a result of this ability to brainwash its prey into joining the collectivist hoard of locust-like insects that have now seized control of the country, the numbers of parasites has soared. The uninfected minority has been shouting from the rooftops concerning the threat, so the Baraknid propagandists, sometimes called Baraksheviks, are claiming the resistance has a malady which they've dubbed Baraknaphobia.

In reality, those with the so-called "Baraknaphobia" are actually the free, productive members of the society who still remember what life was like before the first cases of the virulent plague emerged in late 2008.

As the numbers of those bitten by the Baraknid bugs has skyrocketed, vector control specialists theorize that language plays no part in the infection. This is suggested by the fact that, those who speak Spanish are also widely susceptible, because the virulent disease has even crossed over America's borders. At this time, the little bug's siren song is attracting large numbers of illegal aliens, who believe that if they join the Baraknid invasion, the Baraksheviks will provide them with free housing, medical care, and a college education for their children.

The Baraknid masses have rapidly consolidated their power, and all efforts to contain the spread of the parasitical epidemic have failed. Many believe the situation has already passed the point of no return, and the nation's days are numbered.

Because the Barakshevik hive-mentality views rational, freedom loving individuals as a threat, the bugs are rapidly enacting laws to investigate, disarm, oppressively tax, and strip uninfected citizens of their historic rights. As the numbers of Baraknids continues to spiral upwards, even as their chemtrail-like collectivist webs envelop the nation, the Baraktivists have sought to shift the blame for the country's woes on those with Baraknaphobia. Thus, the Baraksheviks are increasingly demanding a redistribution of the assets of the productive minority, to be divided among the hordes of Baraknid bums.

Rumours continue to abound the Baraknids are building prison camps to arrest and incarcerate the last of the resisters, who are apparently immune to their bite. The bugs apparently know that, once fully disarmed, the dissenters will be helpless to resist their bite.

At this writing, the evidence firmly suggests that only God can deliver the remaining few of us who, thankfully, have Baraknaphobia.

-- James Lloyd

Saul Good
06-20-2011, 12:54 PM
The conspiracy theorist: The ship didn't hit an iceberg. Ships don't sink from icebergs. The US government has a contract with a rival ship company and sank it.

As evidence of this, here is a graph showing that icebergs have temperatures ranging from -15 to -20 Celsius. The melting point of steel is around 1480 degrees Celsius. As you can see, even the hottest iceberg is not hot enough to melt the hull of this ship. This was a controlled demolition.

Brock
06-20-2011, 12:57 PM
Shadowy real estate mogul: "Pull it."

FishingRod
06-20-2011, 02:08 PM
Bush did it