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suzzer99
08-16-2011, 04:16 PM
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-gop-strategy-involves-reelecting-obama-making,21113/

New GOP Strategy Involves Reelecting Obama, Making His Life Even More Miserable

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WASHINGTON—Calling a GOP victory in the 2012 presidential election antithetical to the party platform, top Republicans revealed a new long-term political strategy Tuesday: reelecting Barack Obama and making his life even more of a living hell than it already is.

"For three years, the Republican Party has coalesced around the single goal of making President Obama's every waking moment sheer and utter torture," Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters. "But we can't continue to do that if he's not in office."

"If we are going to make the president a haggard shell of a human being by the time he leaves the White House, we need four more years of never compromising, four more years of miring every piece of legislation in unnecessary procedural muck, four more years of pretending we want to work with the president and then walking away from the table at the last second," McConnell added. "Four more years! Four more years! Obama 2012!"

According to GOP sources, the decision to cede the 2012 election to Obama came after rank-and-file Republicans agreed that grinding the president down to nothing and pushing him to the brink of insanity was far more in line with the Republican Party's core principles than actually controlling the White House, making laws, or governing the country.

Republican officials said that because they won't be burdened with a time consuming presidential campaign, they can start looking beyond the 2012 general election and begin developing a four-pronged attack designed to ruin the president emotionally, physically, personally, and professionally.

Moreover, giving the president a second term in office would reportedly allow GOP lawmakers to build on the mental distress they've already caused him.

"If you look at what we've accomplished as a party in the last four years—making President Obama lose his temper on multiple occasions and even causing him to storm out of a meeting in frustration—it doesn't make sense for us to throw all that away, not when we could do so much more," House Majority Leader Eric Cantor said. "If by being impossible to work with we are able to make the president physically shake with frustration during every single meeting, give him the nervous tick of mumbling angrily under his breath, tarnish his entire legacy, and in the process completely destroy his faith in humanity, then we've succeeded as lawmakers."

"If you thought this debt ceiling thing was bad, wait till you see how unbearable we are when it comes time for the Bush tax cuts to expire," Cantor added. "We are going to pummel this man over and over and over until he regrets ever getting into politics."

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In order to make the president's next four years the worst of his life, GOP legislators are reportedly working on a new "Destroy Every Fiber of Barack Obama's Being" initiative, a plan that includes benchmarks such as making Obama look 10 years older than he is just six months into his second term; ruining his marriage before the 2014 midterm elections; and, by the time he leaves office, making him break down in front of the entire nation and say the words "I give up. Just please stop."

"If Barack Obama doesn't go to bed fuming with deep primal rage every single night, then we haven't done our job," said House Speaker John Boehner, who later called the residual effect of getting to watch Obama's supporters become more and more disillusioned with their country as their president's posture deteriorates, his face becomes exceedingly gaunt, and his once booming voice turn shaky and unconfident "definitely a plus." "Mark my words: The Republican Party is committed to giving the American people a president who has a chronically bleeding gastric ulcer that makes it almost impossible for him to stand up."

"To be honest, I'm glad we're pulling out of this election, because I really don't know what we would focus on if we won," Boehner added. "Health care?"

While a major party forgoing a presidential campaign is considered unorthodox, Beltway insiders were not surprised by the Republican announcement, saying the GOP was simply playing to its strength.

"Making Barack Obama's life a waking nightmare is what we do best," Republican strategist Todd Harris said. "It's also just smart politics. After all, getting the man reelected and watching him wither away to nothing before our very eyes will fire up the base more than any of the current Republican presidential candidates will."


Pretty good.

banyon
08-16-2011, 04:21 PM
Actually, I'm starting to think its the worst thing for Republicans if they do win. They will trot out their spending cuts and slashing programs, lower taxes for the wealthy, and it won't do a damn thing to lift us out of this malaise, in fact it will make things worse which will quickly become apparent to everyone and it will hang around their necks for decades.

orange
08-16-2011, 04:50 PM
Actually, I'm starting to think its the worst thing for Republicans if they do win. They will trot out their spending cuts and slashing programs, lower taxes for the wealthy, and it won't do a damn thing to lift us out of this malaise, in fact it will make things worse which will quickly become apparent to everyone and it will hang around their necks for decades.

I remember having this exact debate with a very liberal friend at work in 2000.

He claimed that Bush getting elected could be a good thing - that he would so badly trash the Republican brand that we would have another 40 years like post-WWII.

I said that he was deceiving himself, that Bush wouldn't trash the Republican brand near as much as he would trash the country, that there would always be Republicans and all we would get out of it is trash.

Who do you think got it right?

Stewie
08-16-2011, 04:55 PM
I remember having this exact debate with a very liberal friend at work in 2000.

He claimed that Bush getting elected could be a good thing - that he would so badly trash the Republican brand that we would have another 40 years like post-WWII.

I said that he was deceiving himself, that Bush wouldn't trash the Republican brand near as much as he would trash the country, that there would always be Republicans and all we would get out of it is trash.

Who do you think got it right?

You really need to read When Genius Failed

kchero
08-16-2011, 05:14 PM
I remember having this exact debate with a very liberal friend at work in 2000.

He claimed that Bush getting elected could be a good thing - that he would so badly trash the Republican brand that we would have another 40 years like post-WWII.

I said that he was deceiving himself, that Bush wouldn't trash the Republican brand near as much as he would trash the country, that there would always be Republicans and all we would get out of it is trash.

Who do you think got it right?

Ha, I find it comical that you actually believe that Democrats have no involvement with what is going on in this country and that it is soley the Republicans fault....you need a reality check, but clearly that will not happen.

Mr. Kotter
08-16-2011, 05:16 PM
:spock:


LMAO

ChiTown
08-16-2011, 05:18 PM
Ha, I find it comical that you actually believe that Democrats have no involvement with what is going on in this country and that it is soley the Republicans fault....you need a reality check, but clearly that will not happen.

F you! I'm never wrong! I will supply a link to counter your assertion before the day is up. How dare you!

/orange

Stewie
08-16-2011, 05:18 PM
:spock:


LMAO

Only you figured it out. :rolleyes:

Mr. Kotter
08-16-2011, 05:21 PM
Only you figured it out. :rolleyes:

The Onion is awesome. Heh

petegz28
08-16-2011, 05:35 PM
I remember having this exact debate with a very liberal friend at work in 2000.

He claimed that Bush getting elected could be a good thing - that he would so badly trash the Republican brand that we would have another 40 years like post-WWII.

I said that he was deceiving himself, that Bush wouldn't trash the Republican brand near as much as he would trash the country, that there would always be Republicans and all we would get out of it is trash.

Who do you think got it right?

Funny I said the same thing about Democrats and look at the ass whooping they got last election.

HonestChieffan
08-16-2011, 05:48 PM
Boy its amazing how fast the Obot spin can change directions. Perry have you boys and girls this scattered?

BigChiefFan
08-16-2011, 05:55 PM
How Un-American can they get? Jesus H., they should be looking for solutions, instead they are playing politics. How petty. This is why both sides suck ass.

orange
08-16-2011, 06:00 PM
Actually, I'm starting to think its the worst thing for Republicans if they do win.

I remember having this exact debate with a very liberal friend at work in 2000.

.
.
.

I try to give a little pep talk and look what comes crawling out of the woodwork. Even thinking that Democrats have better policies is unacceptable. Do you really believe a President Perry/Bachmann would eradicate the GOTP?

BigChiefFan
08-17-2011, 12:45 AM
Time to show these clowns to the door. They aren't helping solve a crisis, they are playing political patty-cake, all for political gain. What a bunch of useless twats.

SNR
08-17-2011, 12:55 AM
Boy its amazing how fast the Obot spin can change directions. Perry have you boys and girls this scattered?Smack-talking with Perry is like the Chiefs fans who smack-talked with Brodie Croyle in 2008