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Zeke
08-17-2011, 02:11 PM
Just curious as to who may be available in the KC area for some consulting work. I'm currently in the process of moving up to KC this year from Springfield, MO. But I have this crazy ass ex-girlfriend that keeps following me everywhere.

I have a job for when I move up here and make good money, so I can pay whatever you need to get this psychotic chick off my ass. Complete and total visions of grandeur. She flips burgers for a living, but parades around as a freaking Lawyer no less (how Ironic)!! She can't really read or write, and uses a voice dictation device to type (god that got annoying).

She lies about everything. Says she went to school, but I am pretty sure it was a Cosmetology program because of the hairspray smell she had.

Any advice or consultation would be much appreciated.

BigCatDaddy
08-17-2011, 02:15 PM
......

Jenson71
08-17-2011, 02:16 PM
Pics?

Cave Johnson
08-17-2011, 02:19 PM
TRO

Rain Man
08-17-2011, 02:21 PM
Does she have an attractive roommate? Perhaps you could attempt The Switch.


GEORGE: All right. Let's go over it again, one more time.

JERRY: All right. So I tell Sandy that I want to have a menage a trois with her

and her roommate.

GEORGE: That's right.

JERRY: And you believe this course of action will have a two-pronged effect.

Firstly, the very mention of the idea will cause Sandy to recoil in

disgust, whereupon she will insist that I remove myself from the

premises.

GEORGE: Keep going.

JERRY: At this point, it is inevitable that she will seek out the roommate to

apprise her of this abhorrent turn of events.

GEORGE: Continue.

JERRY: The roommate will then offer her friend the requisite sympathy even as

part of her cannot help but feel somewhat flattered by her inclusion in

the unusual request.

{George takes over.}

GEORGE: A few days go by and a call is placed at a time when Sandy is known to

be busy at work. Once the initial awkwardness is relieved with a little

playful humor, which she [Laura] of course cannot resist, an invitation

to a friendly dinner is proffered.

JERRY: Huh. Well, it all sounds pretty good. There's only one flaw in it:

They're roommates. She'd have to go out with me behind Sandy's back.

She's not gonna do that.

{Another pregnant pause. George?}

GEORGE: You disappoint me, my friend. Sandy wants nothing to do with you. She

tells Laura, "If you want to waste your time with that pervert, that's

your problem."

{Final pause. Jerry?}

JERRY: It's a perfect plan. So inspired. So devious. Yet so simple.

GEORGE: {George, finger in the peanut butter jar}: This is what I do.

Valiant
08-17-2011, 02:46 PM
Probably cheaper and more effective to pay somebody to show interest in her. Create her a dating profile on a free date site.

Iowanian
08-17-2011, 02:55 PM
I'll provide you valuable advice for a photo of her balloon knot.

Jenson71
08-17-2011, 02:56 PM
She sounds sexy. Bring her on chiefsplanet. I would the whole thing.

Pants
08-17-2011, 02:58 PM
Moooooo is that you?

Saulbadguy
08-17-2011, 02:59 PM
Pretending to be a lawyer is actionable. I say file charges.

Or hire someone to murder her.

Frankie
08-17-2011, 03:13 PM
Pics?

http://allwomenstalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/10-best-movie-villains/Glenn-Close-Alex-Forrest-Fatal-Attraction_best-movie-villains.jpg

Zeke
08-17-2011, 03:15 PM
Pretending to be a lawyer is actionable. I say file charges.

Or hire someone to murder her.

Do you know a Mother****** Jones in the area?

Okie_Apparition
08-17-2011, 03:35 PM
Does she fry bacon completely nude or just topless?

bevischief
08-17-2011, 04:07 PM
rofl

kysirsoze
08-17-2011, 04:17 PM
I thought this was a parody of Luv's thread at first.

Nope. just another guy asking for law advice on Chiefsplanet. This could at least make my work day interesting. Does this girl let you PIIHB?

Rain Man
08-17-2011, 04:22 PM
http://allwomenstalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/10-best-movie-villains/Glenn-Close-Alex-Forrest-Fatal-Attraction_best-movie-villains.jpg


She's kind of pretty, and I like the ... you know (nodding toward her chest). Maybe she's a keeper.

Pants
08-17-2011, 04:24 PM
I thought this was a parody of Luv's thread at first.

Nope. just another guy asking for law advice on Chiefsplanet. This could at least make my work day interesting. Does this girl let you PIIHB?

What makes you think this isn't a parody?

vailpass
08-17-2011, 04:28 PM
I thought this was a parody of Luv's thread at first.

Nope. just another guy asking for law advice on Chiefsplanet. This could at least make my work day interesting. Does this girl let you PIIHB?

:spock:

unlurking
08-17-2011, 04:33 PM
What makes you think this isn't a parody?

I thought it was, and I haven't gotten far enough down to read Luv's thread yet. Had me bustin' up!

kysirsoze
08-17-2011, 04:44 PM
What makes you think this isn't a parody?

Well the content of the OP didn't much apply to the forst posts of Luv's.

I suppose I didn't stick with her thread long enough to get this joke. I am a failure.