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pr_capone
12-16-2011, 04:58 PM
and causes a temporal shift that lands you in England during the middle ages. All you have is your clothes, shoes, wallet full of useless money, cellphone which is as useful as the money in your wallet, and a wedding band (or another single piece of jewelry if you aren't married). You wind up in the middle of a clearing and can see plumes of smoke that you can safely assume is signs of a nearby village.

How long would you survive? Would you be killed as a heretic for saying you are from the future?

Could you fashion weapons and effectively defend yourself against highway men? Would you be able to hunt game to feed yourself? Do you have the gift of gab that will allow you to explain your situation in a manner that these far less technologically evolved people can understand?

/offseason topic
//yes I know there are 3 weeks of reg season left but let's be honest here... KC is already in their offseason, they just happen to be busy the next few Sundays.

gblowfish
12-16-2011, 05:00 PM
Go back to playing XBox, dude....

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:01 PM
Go back to playing XBox, dude....

You deserved to be flipped off by Haley. :p

Baby Lee
12-16-2011, 05:01 PM
and causes a temporal shift that lands you in England during the middle ages. All you have is your clothes, shoes, wallet full of useless money, cellphone which is as useful as the money in your wallet, and a wedding band (or another single piece of jewelry if you aren't married). You wind up in the middle of a clearing and can see plumes of smoke that you can safely assume is signs of a nearby village.

How long would you survive? Would you be killed as a heretic for saying you are from the future?

Could you fashion weapons and effectively defend yourself against highway men? Would you be able to hunt game to feed yourself? Do you have the gift of gab that will allow you to explain your situation in a manner that these far less technologically evolved people can understand?

/offseason topic
//yes I know there are 3 weeks of reg season left but let's be honest here... KC is already in their offseason, they just happen to be busy the next few Sundays.

Asshat. Thread title as misleading as "So, Matt Cassel fired from Chiefs."

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:02 PM
Asshat. Thread title as misleading as "So, Matt Cassel fired from Chiefs."

didn't mean it to be. that said, I tagged it as poop and not science

Buck
12-16-2011, 05:05 PM
I need to know the exact year or a better estimation than just "middle ages"

gblowfish
12-16-2011, 05:07 PM
You deserved to be flipped off by Haley. :p

All I said was "You Deserved To Be Fired..."
Talk about somebody being ahead of his time!

Saulbadguy
12-16-2011, 05:08 PM
"this is my boomstick"

SNR
12-16-2011, 05:10 PM
I doubt anyone would survive very long if they depended heavily on the people of that time. English from the Middle Ages (anything prior to 1400 pretty much) is practically a foreign language. Commerce, trade, and "fitting in" are probably completely out of the question.

I took 3 years of Latin in college. If I found a church I might be able to roughly translate and get my bearings after awhile. In the meantime, though, it would come down to a knowledge of outdoors shit. Thankfully I've seen a bunch of episodes of Man Vs. Wild.

FAX
12-16-2011, 05:11 PM
You only have once choice, really.

Find a place to hole up for awhile, locate a family that will help you, then invent gunpowder and take over the whole damn place.

FAX

Baby Lee
12-16-2011, 05:12 PM
The Middle Ages, at the confluence of the Mississippi and Missouri river? I'd market myself as the Ivory God and assume my perch on the tallest Cahokia Mound.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:13 PM
I need to know the exact year or a better estimation than just "middle ages"
In the year of our Lord 1273

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:13 PM
You only have once choice, really.

Find a place to hole up for awhile, locate a family that will help you, then invent gunpowder and take over the whole damn place.

FAX

Do you know how to make gunpowder from scratch? Would you know where to find the ingredients?

FAX
12-16-2011, 05:15 PM
Do you know how to make gunpowder from scratch? Would you know where to find the ingredients?

Yep. Been making gunpowder since I was a wee lad.

FAX

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:16 PM
Yep. Been making gunpowder since I was a wee lad.

FAX

So if you land in middle England in 1273, how would you go about finding the needed ingredients while wearing modern clothing?

Buck
12-16-2011, 05:17 PM
Also depends on what town I land near. Can I get that?

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:19 PM
Also depends on what town I land near. Can I get that?

Nope... you land in the middle of a clearing and that is all the information you have (aside from the year).

stonedstooge
12-16-2011, 05:20 PM
Gunpowder discovered in China in 1240. Sorry Mr. FAX

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:21 PM
Due to my ability to read and write I would be able to find work in a church fairly quickly most likely.

I'd set records for church corruption in the middle ages.

FAX
12-16-2011, 05:21 PM
Okay, then.

I'll invent tacos.

FAX

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:23 PM
Okay, then.

I'll invent tacos.

FAX

I'm guessing most of us could impress some king or earl with our knowledge from the future.

I bet one of them would hire you as his castle chef just because you could make tacos...wait til you served him scrambled eggs in the morning.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:23 PM
Due to my ability to read and write I would be able to find work in a church fairly quickly most likely.

I'd set records for church corruption in the middle ages.

But you read and write modern English. With what would be, to them, a very strange accent with words they do not understand. Equally, they would speak in a very unfamiliar dialect of English and use words that you would not understand.

Still confident about being able to find work quickly?

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:23 PM
JUST THINK of all the premium subscriptions I could sell with WPI Medieval Edition

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:24 PM
But you read and write modern English. With what would be, to them, a very strange accent with words they do not understand. Equally, they would speak in a very unfamiliar dialect of English and use words that you would not understand.

Still confident about being able to find work quickly?

Yes. I'm smarter and more literate than 90 percent of the people living at that time.

It's a no brainer.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:28 PM
JUST THINK of all the premium subscriptions I could sell with WPI Medieval Edition

LMAO

Buck
12-16-2011, 05:29 PM
Nope... you land in the middle of a clearing and that is all the information you have (aside from the year).

Nope, you have to tell me where I am. I'll take into account that I don't know where I am, but for the sake of the experiment, I need to know now. Otherwise I can tell you I've landed near Liverpool or near London or near Manchester and you just have to go with it.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:30 PM
Nope, you have to tell me where I am. I'll take into account that I don't know where I am, but for the sake of the experiment, I need to know now. Otherwise I can tell you I've landed near Liverpool or near London or near Manchester and you just have to go with it.

you landed in Aldeburgh in what will become Suffolk county.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:32 PM
LMAO

Inside information: Sir Galwain has a spat with King George! Reportedly, Sir Galwain fornicated with one of George's daughters a fortnight ago! According to our source, the fornicator will meet certain doom at this weekend's jousting match! Stay tuned to Warpaint Illustrated: Medieval Edition for more details! And now a word from our sponsor, Roger The Shrubber.

Buck
12-16-2011, 05:35 PM
Welp, I go towards the town. Then I find the blacksmith. then I commission him to build a steam engine.

The industrial revolution begins 600 years early and the rest of you who still live in the now can reap the benefits of 2600 technology, today.

You're fucking welcome.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:35 PM
If this is before the renaissance, my artistic abilities are far beyond just about anyone within hundreds of miles. No one has any idea how to draw or paint in anything but two dimensions. I will amaze kings and queens alike with my vanishing point renderings of their fair kingdom. Soon my artwork will be commissioned across Europe by the wealthiest families! 9th grade art class renders me an ARTISTIC GENIUS in the medieval age.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:36 PM
Welp, I go towards the town. Then I find the blacksmith. then I commission him to build a steam engine.

The industrial revolution begins 600 years early and the rest of you who still live in the now can reap the benefits of 2600 technology, today.

You're fucking welcome.

Let's be honest here: you have no fucking idea how to build a steam engine.

http://static.ddmcdn.com/gif/steam-labels-a.gif

Fish
12-16-2011, 05:37 PM
I'd rather talk about the Higgs Boson....

I thought you were talking about this: http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/12/13/search-closes-in-on-elusive-higgs-particle/

tyton75
12-16-2011, 05:37 PM
This is Old News.. Nostradamus is/was from our time already

Buck
12-16-2011, 05:38 PM
Let's be honest here: you have no fucking idea how to build a steam engine.

http://static.ddmcdn.com/gif/steam-labels-a.gif

Actually I do.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:40 PM
People will be amazed by my epic story of Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 05:40 PM
I WILL INVENT THE GAME OF FOOTBALL

Kings and queens will demand it be played throughout their kingdoms.

I'm definitely getting all the inside information now.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 05:46 PM
Welp, I go towards the town. Then I find the blacksmith. then I commission him to build a steam engine.

The industrial revolution begins 600 years early and the rest of you who still live in the now can reap the benefits of 2600 technology, today.

You're ****ing welcome.

You needed to know the town for that?

LMFAO

Yeah, the blacksmith is gonna take work from a guy with no coin, wearing strange clothes, and speaking in a strange tongue asking him to make some unfathomable contraption.

I'm sure that will go down real well.

Buck
12-16-2011, 05:55 PM
You needed to know the town for that?

LMFAO

Yeah, the blacksmith is gonna take work from a guy with no coin, wearing strange clothes, and speaking in a strange tongue asking him to make some unfathomable contraption.

I'm sure that will go down real well.

They'll all think I'm a badass wizard when they see the quality of my clothes and the quality of my printed money, not to mention the plastic I have. If not, I trade my jewelry for the engine.

Munson
12-16-2011, 05:59 PM
I will commission the most daring boat captain I can find to sail me across the Atlantic to the "new world" over 200 years before Christopher Columbus. I shall claim this new land as my own, and proclaim myself Emperor. In return for sailing me across the ocean, the boat captain shall receive a generous parcel of prime real estate.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 06:01 PM
They'll all think I'm a badass wizard when they see the quality of my clothes and the quality of my printed money, not to mention the plastic I have. If not, I trade my jewelry for the engine.

They will think you are a badass wizard until they find that you cannot replicate either the clothes, the printed money, or the plastic.

When you can't tell them r show them how to make it, or make more of it for them... they stick your head on a pike.

/win - Middle Ages

Baby Lee
12-16-2011, 06:07 PM
Let's be honest here: you have no fucking idea how to build a steam engine.

http://static.ddmcdn.com/gif/steam-labels-a.gif

I've built a V8 from the block up. MoF, I've done all the electrical, bodywork, mechanical and interior for the car to put it in.

I've also disassembled and reassembled, from memory, more lawn mower and 2-stroke engines than I can recall.

I think I could muster fabricating one with some assistants for the legwork.

Discuss Thrower
12-16-2011, 06:08 PM
Odds are you catch plague and die a gruesome death.

Or you expose medieval culture to contemporary strains of influenza and you kill 2/3rds of the population. Congrats asshole.

Oh and blowfish had the Haley finger thing coming.

Pestilence
12-16-2011, 06:10 PM
I'd find the biggest guy and beat the shit out of him.

FAX
12-16-2011, 06:11 PM
I've built a V8 from the block up. MoF, I've done all the electrical, bodywork, mechanical and interior for the car to put it in.

I've also disassembled and reassembled, from memory, more lawn mower and 2-stroke engines than I can recall.

I think I could muster fabricating one with some assistants for the legwork.

I'm not sure that the whole metallurgy thing was going so well in Medieval Europe in 1273.

Otherwise, I would have invented the tank instead of tacos.

FAX

Baby Lee
12-16-2011, 06:13 PM
I'm not sure that the whole metallurgy thing was going so well in Medieval Europe in 1273.

Otherwise, I would have invented the tank instead of tacos.

FAX

I'm not saying I'd fabricate a Chevy small block. Just something to make fire do work for the townsfolk.

Pasta Giant Meatball
12-16-2011, 06:16 PM
I'd find a Blacksmith and get my Smithing up to 100 and tear shit up.

FAX
12-16-2011, 06:17 PM
I'm not saying I'd fabricate a Chevy small block. Just something to make fire do work for the townsfolk.

That's how it always starts, though, Mr. Baby Lee. First, the steam engine then the hydrogen bomb.

I would build a tank. That way, I could take over the whole damn place in short order, make all new rules, and prevent any more science from mucking things up.

Of course, that would mean no Hadron Collider in the future ... that might be bad.

FAX

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 06:43 PM
That's how it always starts, though, Mr. Baby Lee. First, the steam engine then the hydrogen bomb.

I would build a tank. That way, I could take over the whole damn place in short order, make all new rules, and prevent any more science from mucking things up.

Of course, that would mean no Hadron Collider in the future ... that might be bad.

FAX

Temporal loop FTW!

Baby Lee
12-16-2011, 06:47 PM
If you're actually, seriously, interested in this tangent. I seem to recall some paper by a think tank about how a modern outfitted batallion would fare in different eras. ie, logistics of replenishing, fabricating supply. Personnell scale of a battalion versus the eventually amassed army of the era.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 06:56 PM
I honestly think cooking would be your quickest route to success.

People had no idea how to cook.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 07:01 PM
I honestly think cooking would be your quickest route to success.

People had no idea how to cook.

But there lies the difficulty. Can you hunt your own game? Are you able to identify edible plants and make a meal of them? What would you cook in?

Hell, can you even start a fire without a lighter or a match?

KC Jones
12-16-2011, 07:02 PM
I get to work right away making sure my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandma stops falling for me and instead falls in love with my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandpa.

Then I find a way for a lightning bolt to speed my horse up enough to bring me back to modern times.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 07:02 PM
If you're actually, seriously, interested in this tangent. I seem to recall some paper by a think tank about how a modern outfitted batallion would fare in different eras. ie, logistics of replenishing, fabricating supply. Personnell scale of a battalion versus the eventually amassed army of the era.

That would be a fascinating read.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 07:03 PM
Then I find a way for a lightning bolt to speed my horse up enough to bring me back to modern times.

can you get 1.21 jiggawatts into a horse without killing it?

Brock
12-16-2011, 07:15 PM
If I couldn't think of anything else, I'd try to find someplace that has a piano or other keyboard instrument and impress the shit out of them. In any case, I wouldn't expect to live long.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 07:16 PM
But there lies the difficulty. Can you hunt your own game? Are you able to identify edible plants and make a meal of them? What would you cook in?

Hell, can you even start a fire without a lighter or a match?

I'm sure I could get an audience with the king simply by telling him I'll cook him the best meal he's ever had.

Brock
12-16-2011, 07:17 PM
I'm sure I could get an audience with the king simply by telling him I'll cook him the best meal he's ever had.

What variation of charred meat and potatoes would you make for him?

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 07:19 PM
What variation of charred meat and potatoes would you make for him?

I'm guessing the King has never even had garlic mashed potatoes.

It would also not be hard to fashion a rudimentary barbecue sauce if there's sugar and tomatoes on hand.

The King is going to give me one of his daughters if she doesn't suck my dick for some pulled pork first.

Buck
12-16-2011, 07:22 PM
Even I you can get ahold of those ingredients, have fun being the King's personal chef bitch for the rest of your life.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 07:23 PM
Even I you can get ahold of those ingredients, have fun being the King's personal chef bitch for the rest of your life.

Wouldn't be a bad life.

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 07:25 PM
If I couldn't think of anything else, I'd try to find someplace that has a piano or other keyboard instrument and impress the shit out of them. In any case, I wouldn't expect to live long.

Now THAT is something. You could walk in with nothing and walk out with a room in an inn, money in your pocket, and a gob of wenches wanting your musically talented seed.

Brock the Bard

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 07:32 PM
Wouldn't be a bad life.

Until he doesnt like what you cook and dangles you off the highest tower of the castle.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 07:33 PM
I just discovering something interesting:

Britain

Tomatoes were not grown in England until the 1590s.[3]:17 One of the earliest cultivators was John Gerard, a barber-surgeon.[3]:17 Gerard's Herbal, published in 1597, and largely plagiarized from continental sources,[3]:17 is also one of the earliest discussions of the tomato in England. Gerard knew the tomato was eaten in Spain and Italy.[3]:17 Nonetheless, he believed it was poisonous[3]:17 (in fact, the plant and raw fruit do have low levels of tomatine, but are not generally dangerous; see below). Gerard's views were influential, and the tomato was considered unfit for eating (though not necessarily poisonous) for many years in Britain and its North American colonies.[3]:17 By the mid-18th century, tomatoes were widely eaten in Britain, and before the end of that century, the Encyclopĉdia Britannica stated the tomato was "in daily use" in soups, broths, and as a garnish.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 07:38 PM
I'm guessing the King has never even had garlic mashed potatoes.

It would also not be hard to fashion a rudimentary barbecue sauce if there's sugar and tomatoes on hand.

The King is going to give me one of his daughters if she doesn't suck my dick for some pulled pork first.

You do realize that both tomatoes and potatoes didn't exist in Europe back then... you'd be stuck making garlic mashed turnips. I have a very strong feeling you'd be dead within hours.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 07:40 PM
I just discovering something interesting:

Britain

Tomatoes were not grown in England until the 1590s.[3]:17 One of the earliest cultivators was John Gerard, a barber-surgeon.[3]:17 Gerard's Herbal, published in 1597, and largely plagiarized from continental sources,[3]:17 is also one of the earliest discussions of the tomato in England. Gerard knew the tomato was eaten in Spain and Italy.[3]:17 Nonetheless, he believed it was poisonous[3]:17 (in fact, the plant and raw fruit do have low levels of tomatine, but are not generally dangerous; see below). Gerard's views were influential, and the tomato was considered unfit for eating (though not necessarily poisonous) for many years in Britain and its North American colonies.[3]:17 By the mid-18th century, tomatoes were widely eaten in Britain, and before the end of that century, the Encyclopĉdia Britannica stated the tomato was "in daily use" in soups, broths, and as a garnish.

They also didn't have potatoes, bell peppers, corn, etc etc... as I said.. you'd be in a world of hurt as a "cook"...

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 07:40 PM
I just discovering something interesting:

Britain

Tomatoes were not grown in England until the 1590s.[3]:17 One of the earliest cultivators was John Gerard, a barber-surgeon.[3]:17 Gerard's Herbal, published in 1597, and largely plagiarized from continental sources,[3]:17 is also one of the earliest discussions of the tomato in England. Gerard knew the tomato was eaten in Spain and Italy.[3]:17 Nonetheless, he believed it was poisonous[3]:17 (in fact, the plant and raw fruit do have low levels of tomatine, but are not generally dangerous; see below). Gerard's views were influential, and the tomato was considered unfit for eating (though not necessarily poisonous) for many years in Britain and its North American colonies.[3]:17 By the mid-18th century, tomatoes were widely eaten in Britain, and before the end of that century, the Encyclopĉdia Britannica stated the tomato was "in daily use" in soups, broths, and as a garnish.

So the King would believe that you are trying to poison him and will have you drawn and quartered.

Congrats, you managed to survive long enough to die a horrific death.

:clap:

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 08:02 PM
I'm gonna assume that very very very few people would be able to communicate very well at all in 13th century England. If you spoke Latin, you may be ok. Otherwise, you are stuck trying to speak early middle English to the peasants unless of course you somehow speak Anglo-Norman... I guess if you speak French you might be able to pick it up...

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 08:03 PM
This needs to be a movie.

And not "A Connecticut Yankee..."

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 08:11 PM
This needs to be a movie.

And not "A Connecticut Yankee..."

hmmm, something like this...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/98/Timeline_theatrical_poster.jpg

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 08:11 PM
Sumer is icumen in,
Lhude sing cuccu!
Groweŝ sed and bloweŝ med
And springŝ ŝe wde nu,
Sing cuccu!
Awe bleteŝ after lomb,
Lhouŝ after calue cu.
Bulluc sterteŝ, bucke uerteŝ,
Murie sing cuccu!
Cuccu, cuccu, wel singes ŝu cuccu;
Ne swik ŝu nauer nu.
Pes:
Sing cuccu nu. Sing cuccu.
Sing cuccu. Sing cuccu nu!

If you can understand this.. you'd be ok with the peasants...

'Hamas' Jenkins
12-16-2011, 08:12 PM
I'm gonna assume that very very very few people would be able to communicate very well at all in 13th century England. If you spoke Latin, you may be ok. Otherwise, you are stuck trying to speak early middle English to the peasants unless of course you somehow speak Anglo-Norman... I guess if you speak French you might be able to pick it up...

And people thought graduate level work in Chaucer was a dead end...

:harumph:

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 08:13 PM
Was that any good? I never got around to reading the book.

'Hamas' Jenkins
12-16-2011, 08:13 PM
If you can understand this.. you'd be ok with the peasants...

You cool if I call you a qweynte? :D

Was the quoted text Piers Plowman? (probably wrong, but if not, I promise, no Googling).

Brock
12-16-2011, 08:16 PM
Was that any good? I never got around to reading the book.

pretty typical Crichton. Okay.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 08:18 PM
And people thought graduate level work in Chaucer was a dead end...

:harumph:

ha, Chaucer is about 100 years too late... but I'd wager it's close enough that you'd pick up the language quickly.. too bad you are stuck only speaking to the peasants...

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 08:21 PM
You cool if I call you a qweynte? :D

Was the quoted text Piers Plowman? (probably wrong, but if not, I promise, no Googling).

Ha.. I certainly can be a qweynte at times...

And good guess but no it's the round, Summer is Coming.

I'm trying to find a passage from Boeve de Haumtone as an example of Anglo-Normal from the time period.. now that shit is tough.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 08:40 PM
here is some Anglo-Norman for ya...

Puis montent lur corant destrés, que quergent la dame par ample regnez

Meuz vus avenist redrescer ceo fossés e torcher a un torchoun ceo chevaus

And of course there is Medieval Latin .. but if you are fluent in any form of Latin you'd get along just fine with the scholars or clergy.

Rain Man
12-16-2011, 08:43 PM
They'll all think I'm a badass wizard when they see the quality of my clothes and the quality of my printed money, not to mention the plastic I have. If not, I trade my jewelry for the engine.

I will commission the most daring boat captain I can find to sail me across the Atlantic to the "new world" over 200 years before Christopher Columbus. I shall claim this new land as my own, and proclaim myself Emperor. In return for sailing me across the ocean, the boat captain shall receive a generous parcel of prime real estate.

They will think you are a badass wizard until they find that you cannot replicate either the clothes, the printed money, or the plastic.

When you can't tell them r show them how to make it, or make more of it for them... they stick your head on a pike.

/win - Middle Ages

But you read and write modern English. With what would be, to them, a very strange accent with words they do not understand. Equally, they would speak in a very unfamiliar dialect of English and use words that you would not understand.

Still confident about being able to find work quickly?

Due to my ability to read and write I would be able to find work in a church fairly quickly most likely.

I'd set records for church corruption in the middle ages.


I think several of you are close, and I think that by standing upon the shoulders of you giants I can come up with the answer.

Your assets are modern clothing and some modern "stuff" in your pockets. If you've got a ballpoint pen (and I'm almost always carrying two or three), you're really golden.

Your greatest asset and your greatest danger are your appearance. The last thing you want to do is get burned as a witch, so you want to be very careful about your contact, and that means going up the ladder.

So what type of stranger will the King want to see, who's dressed oddly and speaks in a nearly indiscernible tongue? You can go the wizard route, but I think that's risky due to the witch thing above.

But...there's a better option. While it might involve significant gesticulation and interpretation, I think you can find a castle with a prince or king or duke or somebody and go with this:

"Hail, merry king! I am an ambassador and diplomat sent from the nation of Colorado! Let me draw you a map to show you where my nation is, and by the way, here's what Europe looks like too. Does it match your maps? Yes, we're due west across the ocean approximately a month's travel. You may not know about our powerful continent, but we would be delighted to exchange diplomats.

My ship was wrecked upon arrival, but I completed my mission to introduce our two countries and present to you this magical writing implement (ball point pen). It was damaged in the shipwreck, along with my magical beep-making machine and mathematical calculator, so they probably won't work for very long. However, we have more across the ocean if you would like to begin trade.

And by the way, we also sent an ambassador to the French, but we initially like you better.

In order to get to Colorado, we're going to need a great boat with these nearly impossible specifications that will probably take you ten years to build. And in the meantime I'll stay with you and astound you with my knowledge of physics to plot the landing time and point of dropped objects, and my ability to design a hot air balloon that you can use against the French. Also, if you can make me a bunch of wire I can rig up an electric motor for you. We have all of these things in Colorado.

Now, do you mind if I take a wench or two to my chambers?"

Rain Man
12-16-2011, 08:47 PM
And on the cooking stuff, I suspect the problem isn't so much cooking, or even procuring. It's procuring enough different ingredients at the same time to make some sort of recipe. You may have asparagus now, but no basil. And 90 percent of the time they're not going to give you fresh beef, but rather something that's half-spoiled and covered in brine. If you go the food route, I think knowing how to can food would be much more marketable than knowing how to cook food.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 08:53 PM
Only Rain Man would come into this thread with a plan to assault the french via a hot air balloon.

-King-
12-16-2011, 09:04 PM
I think no matter what, you'd be killed within a few hours. Unless you bring a gun. That will buy you some time until you run out of bullets.
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AustinChief
12-16-2011, 09:06 PM
And on the cooking stuff, I suspect the problem isn't so much cooking, or even procuring. It's procuring enough different ingredients at the same time to make some sort of recipe. You may have asparagus now, but no basil. And 90 percent of the time they're not going to give you fresh beef, but rather something that's half-spoiled and covered in brine. If you go the food route, I think knowing how to can food would be much more marketable than knowing how to cook food.

Dude, don't undersell salted meats! Salted meats are awesome!

SNR
12-16-2011, 09:09 PM
If I couldn't think of anything else, I'd try to find someplace that has a piano or other keyboard instrument and impress the shit out of them. In any case, I wouldn't expect to live long.Even your musical language would be incomprehensible to them. Rhythm was limited to two values- long and short (lunga and breve), and combinations of the two were limited to around 7 or 8 modes. And something as simple as a major triad would have made them shit their pants- polyphony wasn't too active in England as it was in France up until around 1300. You mostly had drone instruments like bagpipes or the hurdy-gurdy. And don't get me started on tuning.

If you played anything written later than 1400 for them, you probably would have been labeled a heretic worthy of being burned.

Rain Man
12-16-2011, 09:13 PM
Even your musical language would be incomprehensible to them. Rhythm was limited to two values- long and short (lunga and breve), and combinations of the two were limited to around 7 or 8 modes. And something as simple as a major triad would have made them shit their pants- polyphony wasn't too active in England as it was in France up until around 1300. You mostly had drone instruments like bagpipes or the hurdy-gurdy. And don't get me started on tuning.

If you played anything written later than 1400 for them, you probably would have been labeled a heretic worthy of being burned.

Not after you played Johnny B. Goode.

Rain Man
12-16-2011, 09:14 PM
Dude, don't undersell salted meats! Salted meats are awesome!


We all love salted meats. I'm just not sure you can make a good sweet and sour chicken with them.

Count Alex's Wins
12-16-2011, 09:19 PM
Even your musical language would be incomprehensible to them. Rhythm was limited to two values- long and short (lunga and breve), and combinations of the two were limited to around 7 or 8 modes. And something as simple as a major triad would have made them shit their pants- polyphony wasn't too active in England as it was in France up until around 1300. You mostly had drone instruments like bagpipes or the hurdy-gurdy. And don't get me started on tuning.


http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100108063233/uncyclopedia/images/archive/b/b5/20100108063328!Exploding-head.gif

Rain Man
12-16-2011, 09:30 PM
Only Rain Man would come into this thread with a plan to assault the french via a hot air balloon.

I'm telling you, they'd never expect it. It'd be like Pearl Harbor with crossbows.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 09:30 PM
And by the way, we also sent an ambassador to the French, but we initially like you better.

Not sure that would work too well... King Edward I was aligned with the French at this point... hell he was probably IN France that year, on his way home from the crusades. You'd likely be dealing with the Scots as an enemy instead... or the Jews... he sure did hate him some Jews.

My plan would be to walk to Ipswitch(take me about 4 hours), find a merchant that is willing to back me or will accept my jewelry as a down payment while I build him a double treadle spinning wheel... (I'd guess that I could make one in 2-3 days max) From there I continue to introduce more technological wonders with the wealth I have earned from dominating the textile industry!

cdcox
12-16-2011, 09:36 PM
Scrape some mold off of bread.
Apply to a bad wound.
Watch it heal.
Profit.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 09:49 PM
Scrape some mold off of bread.
Apply to a bad wound.
Watch it heal.
Profit.

Not quite that easy... making penicillin that is truly useful as an antibiotic is actually a pain in the ass.

cdcox
12-16-2011, 10:16 PM
Not quite that easy... making penicillin that is truly useful as an antibiotic is actually a pain in the ass.

I'm a scientist with experience in microbiology and fermentation. I'm pretty sure I could figure it out by testing on myself before killing myself.

I could devise charts to improve the accuracy of their catapults.

I could treat their drinking water to make it safer to drink.

I could produce methane, for cooking and heating.

I'm sure I could find a thousand places where my scientific knowledge could be applied to every day life to make it better.

The key would be finding the local wizards, and getting their trust to provide for my needs long enough to start making contributions.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 10:29 PM
I'm a scientist with experience in microbiology and fermentation. I'm pretty sure I could figure it out by testing on myself before killing myself.

I could devise charts to improve the accuracy of their catapults.

I could treat their drinking water to make it safer to drink.

I could produce methane, for cooking and heating.

I'm sure I could find a thousand places where my scientific knowledge could be applied to every day life to make it better.

The key would be finding the local wizards, and getting their trust to provide for my needs long enough to start making contributions.

Well look at you smarty pants... yeah if you have a background in microbiology you'd be able to do a ton of "magic" back then! Hell, you could kick ass with the advances in beer and booze alone!

ForeverChiefs58
12-16-2011, 10:33 PM
I'm a scientist with experience in microbiology and fermentation. I'm pretty sure I could figure it out by testing on myself before killing myself.

I could devise charts to improve the accuracy of their catapults.

I could treat their drinking water to make it safer to drink.

I could produce methane, for cooking and heating.

I'm sure I could find a thousand places where my scientific knowledge could be applied to every day life to make it better.

The key would be finding the local wizards, and getting their trust to provide for my needs long enough to start making contributions.



Ok, that's it. If I go back, I'm going with cdcox.

cdcox
12-16-2011, 10:38 PM
Ok, that's it. If I go back, I'm going with cdcox.

To me the communication with the wizards would be the part that would probably get me killed. AustinChief and I together could probably tear things up.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 10:50 PM
To me the communication with the wizards would be the part that would probably get me killed. AustinChief and I together could probably tear things up.

DEAL! We'll have our own castles within a year!

(I also have a grounding in Catalan so we are cool if we need to go to southern France or northern Spain ... you know, even the middle ages are better when you are on the coast!)

pr_capone
12-16-2011, 10:54 PM
I'm a scientist with experience in microbiology and fermentation. I'm pretty sure I could figure it out by testing on myself before killing myself.

I could devise charts to improve the accuracy of their catapults.

I could treat their drinking water to make it safer to drink.

I could produce methane, for cooking and heating.

I'm sure I could find a thousand places where my scientific knowledge could be applied to every day life to make it better.

The key would be finding the local wizards, and getting their trust to provide for my needs long enough to start making contributions.

I agree that getting assistance from the locals would likely be the most difficult part. Not only would there be a barrier in communication but the is also the initial culture shock from both parties. Why don't you look like everyone else they know? What the hell are you wearing? Holy shit it is the Devil! *Dead*

You would almost be better off taking off your clothes and walking in naked and hoping that their initial reaction is to help someone they deem to be in distress.

I would think that my being able to speak Spanish would come in handy. I would immediately seek out a church in hopes I could make myself understood. In that situation, I would wish that I had been a Catholic so as to be familiar with mass and rituals. It would have made for a stronger connection to those people.

cdcox
12-16-2011, 10:58 PM
I agree that getting assistance from the locals would likely be the most difficult part. Not only would there be a barrier in communication but the is also the initial culture shock from both parties. Why don't you look like everyone else they know? What the hell are you wearing? Holy shit it is the Devil! *Dead*

You would almost be better off taking off your clothes and walking in naked and hoping that their initial reaction is to help someone they deem to be in distress.

I would think that my being able to speak Spanish would come in handy. I would immediately seek out a church in hopes I could make myself understood. In that situation, I would wish that I had been a Catholic so as to be familiar with mass and rituals. It would have made for a stronger connection to those people.

I'm pretty sure I'm hiding in the woods and stealing clothes off a clothes line until i can "blend".

ForeverChiefs58
12-16-2011, 11:00 PM
To me the communication with the wizards would be the part that would probably get me killed. AustinChief and I together could probably tear things up.

Well, that's just great. I say I am going with cdcox, and he says he is going with austinchief. That's cool, I didn't really want to go anyway. I mean true I would have the power to fight dragons and stuff to be an epic icon of that day...but no biggie. I'm sure you guys would have fun making water and catapults. No need to worry about little 'ol me. I'll just stay here and invent chiefsplanet...whatever.:huh:

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 11:13 PM
In that situation, I would wish that I had been a Catholic so as to be familiar with mass and rituals. It would have made for a stronger connection to those people.

OH I am Catholic and even have worked the Latin Mass as an altar boy! (yes yes, insert jokes here) I never even thought about that as an advantage... good point!

cdcox
12-16-2011, 11:17 PM
Well, that's just great. I say I am going with cdcox, and he says he is going with austinchief. That's cool, I didn't really want to go anyway. I mean true I would have the power to fight dragons and stuff to be an epic icon of that day...but no biggie. I'm sure you guys would have fun making water and catapults. No need to worry about little 'ol me. I'll just stay here and invent chiefsplanet...whatever.:huh:

Okay, you can come along and be Larry. Stooges

cdcox
12-16-2011, 11:18 PM
OH I am Catholic and even have worked the Latin Mass as an altar boy! (yes yes, insert jokes here) I never even thought about that as an advantage... good point!

I'm Lutheran so I could also put all the theology straight.

Rain Man
12-16-2011, 11:19 PM
I'm pretty sure I'm hiding in the woods and stealing clothes off a clothes line until i can "blend".

See, I don't think you can ever blend. Your language will be too different. That's why you have to go with the shipwrecked foreign ambassador approach.

So what happened when some Romanian diplomat came calling in France in 1273 (assuming it ever happened)? They likely didn't have someone on the court who spoke Romanian, and likely no one knew anything about Romanian customs. They kind of trusted that Romania existed, and probably brought in some monks to figure out the language.

I think you could get away with the ambassador thing pretty easily, given your ultra-high quality clothing and fancy accessories.

cdcox
12-16-2011, 11:24 PM
See, I don't think you can ever blend. Your language will be too different. That's why you have to go with the shipwrecked foreign ambassador approach.


Since I'm traveling with AustinChief (blender extraordinaire) and "Larry" I can play the mute genius. I may even don a prosthetic hump back. Larry will obviously be the one sticking out like a sore thumb. Doubt he makes it to dinner on the second day.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 11:28 PM
See, I don't think you can ever blend. Your language will be too different. That's why you have to go with the shipwrecked foreign ambassador approach.

So what happened when some Romanian diplomat came calling in France in 1273 (assuming it ever happened)? They likely didn't have someone on the court who spoke Romanian, and likely no one knew anything about Romanian customs. They kind of trusted that Romania existed, and probably brought in some monks to figure out the language.

I think you could get away with the ambassador thing pretty easily, given your ultra-high quality clothing and fancy accessories.

Rain Man has a good point... but as an ambassador I'd assume you'd be expected to at least know some medieval Latin or French. I think Francien was the most accepted "diplomatic" language at the time but don't quote me on that. Unfortunately for me, I have no clue how my French would translate to Francien or even Anglo-Norman of the period... I would bet I could do passably well with understanding writing but the spoken word would probably be a major issue.

ForeverChiefs58
12-16-2011, 11:32 PM
Okay, you can come along and be Larry.


Not sure about the Larry part...but whatever, we would still be epic.
:clap: Awesome! I would slay dragons and help the Cusaders finish what they started to help the future world. You could do your part with the water and catapults, and austinchief could invent football, the internet and chiefsplanet while communicating with the priests. Sounds marvolous!

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 11:32 PM
I doubt there would be any problem with getting in front of a member of the peerage and not getting stoned by the peasants... I think the problem would be to quickly show them that you are a commodity and not a threat. That was an unstable time where a person of influence would be pretty distrusting of anyone who might upset the status quo that has enabled them to be in power in the first place.

ForeverChiefs58
12-16-2011, 11:36 PM
Since I'm traveling with AustinChief (blender extraordinaire) and "Larry" I can play the mute genius. I may even don a prosthetic hump back. Larry will obviously be the one sticking out like a sore thumb. Doubt he makes it to dinner on the second day.

:spock: Well, with that kind of confidence, it's no wonder I would obviously have to end up stealing all your water ideas and killing you and blaming it on a dragon.:harumph:

cdcox
12-16-2011, 11:40 PM
:spock: Well, with that kind of confidence, it's no wonder I would obviously have to end up stealing all your water ideas and killing you and blaming it on a dragon.:harumph:

You'd sick your dragon on a mute humpback?

DeezNutz
12-16-2011, 11:42 PM
I've read Twain so I would be fine.

AustinChief
12-16-2011, 11:43 PM
You'd sick your dragon on a mute humpback?

Dude, you can use you humpback to conceal an air bubble (not too hard to fabricate) and carry a badass pneumatic gun in the sleeve of your tunic! Let's see how that dragon likes a faceful of turnip at 500 feet per second!

Ebolapox
12-16-2011, 11:52 PM
I'm a scientist with experience in microbiology and fermentation. I'm pretty sure I could figure it out by testing on myself before killing myself.

I could devise charts to improve the accuracy of their catapults.

I could treat their drinking water to make it safer to drink.

I could produce methane, for cooking and heating.

I'm sure I could find a thousand places where my scientific knowledge could be applied to every day life to make it better.

The key would be finding the local wizards, and getting their trust to provide for my needs long enough to start making contributions.

as much as I love this comment as an 'aspiring' scientist (I won't consider myself a true scientist until I have my ph.d), part of me believes one would be burned as a witch by superstitious peasants before getting too far with scientific advances.

ForeverChiefs58
12-16-2011, 11:56 PM
You'd sick your dragon on a mute humpback?

Never. I would protect you and your obvious disabilities at all costs. All my friendly tamed dragons would help us be super heroes of that generation.


Dude, you can use you humpback to conceal an air bubble (not too hard to fabricate) and carry a badass pneumatic gun in the sleeve of your tunic! Let's see how that dragon likes a faceful of turnip at 500 feet per second!

That is what I'm talking about. We would be heros to everyone with my ability to slay the bad dragons, and tame the good ones.

cdcox
12-16-2011, 11:58 PM
as much as I love this comment as an 'aspiring' scientist (I won't consider myself a true scientist until I have my ph.d), part of me believes one would be burned as a witch by superstitious peasants before getting too far with scientific advances.

That is where I think alliances with the wizards would be key. They are curious and learned enough to be open-minded and also have established a niche within the community. They also have a reputation for introducing new ideas. They are the front men.

pr_capone
12-17-2011, 12:02 AM
I doubt there would be any problem with getting in front of a member of the peerage and not getting stoned by the peasants... I think the problem would be to quickly show them that you are a commodity and not a threat. That was an unstable time where a person of influence would be pretty distrusting of anyone who might upset the status quo that has enabled them to be in power in the first place.

It would depend on how they take you. Those were some seriously superstitious people who might mistake you as a demon or a witch and not even give you a chance.

If you can gain their trust you very well may impact history on a monumental level. cdcox could prevent millions of deaths from the Plague in the 1300s. History would be re-written.

Count Alex's Wins
12-17-2011, 12:03 AM
Sounds like it would be much simpler if you were just a hot chick.

AustinChief
12-17-2011, 12:05 AM
That is where I think alliances with the wizards would be key. They are curious and learned enough to be open-minded and also have established a niche within the community. They also have a reputation for introducing new ideas. They are the front men.

I'm pretty sure we are past the time of "wizards" .. by the 13th century you had real scientists like Roger Bacon. You even had universities(Oxford) by then. I think we could go directly to the peerage and present ourselves as foreign alchemists for hire and do just fine.

AustinChief
12-17-2011, 12:11 AM
It would depend on how they take you. Those were some seriously superstitious people who might mistake you as a demon or a witch and not even give you a chance.

yes there were, but I highly doubt superstition would outweigh fear of repercussions from the local landed gentry. I would suspect you would get drug in front of them or at the least the local bailiff before any stoning would take place. There definitely was a rule of law at the time.


If you can gain their trust you very well may impact history on a monumental level. cdcox could prevent millions of deaths from the Plague in the 1300s. History would be re-written.

Hey! Don't undersell my spinning wheels and turnip guns!

AustinChief
12-17-2011, 01:16 AM
one of the first things I am making for myself ... get some magnets and copper and making a 5v hand crank generator so I can charge my phone! My phone is basically a mini-linux computer and could come in handy I'd wager. Plus it's camera can be used to make measurements and act as a flashlight.

Discuss Thrower
12-17-2011, 10:02 AM
To the people who say you'll be able to blend in: realize you're going to be taller than probably anyone else in the village...

Rain Man
12-17-2011, 10:25 AM
Rain Man has a good point... but as an ambassador I'd assume you'd be expected to at least know some medieval Latin or French. I think Francien was the most accepted "diplomatic" language at the time but don't quote me on that. Unfortunately for me, I have no clue how my French would translate to Francien or even Anglo-Norman of the period... I would bet I could do passably well with understanding writing but the spoken word would probably be a major issue.

That's why you'd need a map that shows you're from far, far away. Looking up Marco Polo, he was only about 20 years or so after you land, so there must've been some vague knowledge of faraway lands where people weren't based in Latin.

Can I go with you guys and be an ambassador, and you guys are my crew? If there are enough of us, we become an entourage and the ambassador story is easier to sell. Plus, we get to keep our clothes, and I really don't want to lose my shoes in this situation.

As an aside, I read an article many years back about the first Europeans to visit Korea and be reported on. It was some Dutch sailors who shipwrecked on the coast and came ashore. This account starts slow, but it's kind of interesting once you get to the shipwreck part: http://www.koreanhistoryproject.org/Ket/C14/E1405.htm

Dexter Manley
12-17-2011, 10:28 AM
I saw Martin Lawrence in "The Black Knight" too...

Rain Man
12-17-2011, 10:29 AM
To the people who say you'll be able to blend in: realize you're going to be taller than probably anyone else in the village...

Actually, I read something one time about height with history, and it said that we're not the exception, but rather the 200 years before us was the exception. That was the period where people (at least Euro-American people) weren't getting much protein so they were unnaturally short. Apparently in the times before that people were at least close to our height.

I think too it might depend on whether you're pre-plague or post-plague. Apparently they were having the same phenomenon starting pre-plague where people were getting shorter due to diet, but then after the plague people got taller again because they had better diets due to the lower population.

I wish I could remember where I read that. It was some scholarly source so I gave it great credence, but it certainly goes against popular thought.

Baby Lee
12-17-2011, 10:44 AM
I wish I could remember where I read that. It was some scholarly source so I gave it great credence, but it certainly goes against popular thought.


Dr. Temperance Brennan?

Rain Man
12-17-2011, 10:52 AM
Dr. Temperance Brennan?

Now that you mention it, probably so.

beach tribe
12-17-2011, 11:29 AM
http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh90/bbeal29/army_of_darkness_4.png

BillSelfsTrophycase
12-17-2011, 11:39 AM
Nobody's mentioned finding and killing Matt Cassel's great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather?

Planet, I am disappoint

ChiefsFanatic
12-17-2011, 03:32 PM
"this is my boomstick"

Then find the hottest wench with breasts spilling out of her corset, grab her, and say give me some sugar baby.

AustinChief
12-17-2011, 06:34 PM
That's why you'd need a map that shows you're from far, far away. Looking up Marco Polo, he was only about 20 years or so after you land, so there must've been some vague knowledge of faraway lands where people weren't based in Latin.

Can I go with you guys and be an ambassador, and you guys are my crew? If there are enough of us, we become an entourage and the ambassador story is easier to sell. Plus, we get to keep our clothes, and I really don't want to lose my shoes in this situation.

That's very true.. they certainly knew about far away lands (hell this is the time of the crusades) ... and I imagine you could get away with being unintelligible... but I'm thinking it would be a hell of a lot easier if you could speak either Latin, Francien, Anglo-Norman or Middle English... although I imagine any intelligent speaker of modern English would only need a few weeks to adjust to middle English enough to get by.

Now here is the major issue I see with your ambassador lie... your English will not be completelyforeign to them... how do you explain that your far away land has people that basically look like them and speak a somewhat similar language... yet they have never heard of you? The scholars of that time period are gonna call you out on your lie pretty quick... and then BAM you've been beheaded as a spy!

I'm thinking you need to be very very careful about what lies you tell...

AustinChief
12-17-2011, 06:44 PM
Ok, Rain Man, I have the lie for ya! You can be an ambassador from far away BUT you learned "English" as a child from an Irish monk who visited your land but died of old age when you were young.. therefore you may not be speaking it properly... if someone asks about your native language, just make up gibberish with whistles and clicks and explain it is too complex to teach.

DONE! Whew... now you should be safe to build your balloon army and keep your shoes!

Rain Man
12-17-2011, 08:35 PM
Ok, Rain Man, I have the lie for ya! You can be an ambassador from far away BUT you learned "English" as a child from an Irish monk who visited your land but died of old age when you were young.. therefore you may not be speaking it properly... if someone asks about your native language, just make up gibberish with whistles and clicks and explain it is too complex to teach.

DONE! Whew... now you should be safe to build your balloon army and keep your shoes!

I like it. You know that there had to be an occasional wanderer between these faraway countries, so it's quite possible that if I was on a royal court in Colorado we could have had a wanderer who was also attached to the court. And if you were a high-ranking member of the entourage it could also explain why you picked up some Latin or French or whatever, but not perfectly. I like this solution.

AustinChief
12-17-2011, 08:40 PM
I like it. You know that there had to be an occasional wanderer between these faraway countries, so it's quite possible that if I was on a royal court in Colorado we could have had a wanderer who was also attached to the court. And if you were a high-ranking member of the entourage it could also explain why you picked up some Latin or French or whatever, but not perfectly. I like this solution.

Sweet, the way I see it... we could have this entire lie worked out and perfected by the time we get to Ipswitch!