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View Full Version : Poop Are you fucking kidding me???


Nzoner
12-21-2011, 09:31 PM
So I'm at my regular watering hole and this couple pays for their beers and gets up to leave and when the guy goes all but 10 feet we hear glass breaking as he's leaving and one of the bartenders comes around to see wtf is up and the dude was trying to steal a pepper shaker that fell from underneath his coat and shattered on the floor.

Seriously this is a fucking decent place and we are thinking wtf,you can pay for a beer and yet can't afford pepper.

MahiMike
12-21-2011, 09:34 PM
ah, he was just drunk.

Rain Man
12-21-2011, 09:35 PM
Maybe he has a caesar salad addiction.

Backwards Masking
12-21-2011, 09:35 PM
dude was trying to steal a pepper shaker that fell from underneath his coat and shattered on the floor.

Seriously this is a focking decent place and we are thinking wtf,you can pay for a beer and yet can't afford pepper.

how do you know he can't afford pepper? it was the Shaker that was beyond his pay wage. :D

actually he's probably just a klepto, not even poor people steal stupid sh*t like that. people like that are usually f*ck ups with something missing inside.

FAX
12-21-2011, 09:36 PM
They say that if you pepper a girl's tail you can catch her.

FAX

BillSelfsTrophycase
12-21-2011, 09:36 PM
ah, he was just drunk.


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FAX
12-21-2011, 09:37 PM
Of course, they also say that, if you pepper a girl's tail, her anus will sneeze.

FAX

Nzoner
12-21-2011, 09:41 PM
Of course, they also say that, if you pepper a girl's tail, her anus will sneeze.

FAX

Great,now I'm reminded of the scene from Hall Pass LMAO

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Rain Man
12-21-2011, 09:51 PM
Y'know, it could be a plan to steal a great cheeseburger. He steals a little pepper here, some ketchup at the next place, a slice of cheese a little further on, and so on. Then at some point, bam, he's got himself a burger.

mikeyis4dcats.
12-21-2011, 09:54 PM
Y'know, it could be a plan to steal a great cheeseburger. He steals a little pepper here, some ketchup at the next place, a slice of cheese a little further on, and so on. Then at some point, bam, he's got himself a burger.

don;t know why but that made me think of a joke
A Canadian airman bailed out of his bomber, but not before receiving severe wounds. After the German medics fixed him up, removing a leg in the process, he pleaded with them to fly the leg over England on the next German bombing mission and drop it on the field where he used to be based so that it could be sent home to his family. The Germans, gentlemanly to wounded airmen, agreed.
Then gangrene set in and his other leg had to be amputated. He asked for it to also be flown over and dropped on England, and again the Germans agreed. Shortly afterward, the wound in his arm became infected and he was told they might have to amputate that, too. When he made his usual request, the medical people were suddenly hustled out of the room and a black-uniformed Gestapo officer stomped in. "We refuse to send your arm to England," he said. The Canadian, astounded, asked why not.
The Gestapo officer looked at him a long time before finally replying, "We think you are trying to escape."

BoneKrusher
12-21-2011, 09:55 PM
Of course, they also say that, if you pepper a girl's tail, her anus will sneeze.

FAX

LMAO

crazycoffey
12-21-2011, 09:57 PM
Pepper, I don't even know her!

Bump
12-21-2011, 09:58 PM
maybe he is missing a pepper shaker at home and doesn't feel like going to get a new one.

Pasta Giant Meatball
12-21-2011, 10:04 PM
Y'know, it could be a plan to steal a great cheeseburger. He steals a little pepper here, some ketchup at the next place, a slice of cheese a little further on, and so on. Then at some point, bam, he's got himself a burger.

I think you are on the right track, but I think he was tryin to get a stew goin.

BillSelfsTrophycase
12-21-2011, 10:11 PM
En Vino Veritas

Rain Man
12-21-2011, 10:17 PM
Is this a club where people play darts, and did they kick him out? If so, the headline for tomorrow's news article should be:

Bar Gent Pepper's Flown, The Darts Club Banned

RJ
12-21-2011, 10:21 PM
It fell from under his coat? Why didn't he just put it in his pocket? Was it a large, ornate pepper shaker? Was it perhaps an exquisite pepper shaker?

C'mon Joe, are you leaving out some details?

RJ
12-21-2011, 10:22 PM
Is this a club where people play darts, and did they kick him out? If so, the headline for tomorrow's news article should be:

Bar Gent Pepper's Flown, The Darts Club Banned


Ok, I had to think a minute on that one. But now I've got it.

crazycoffey
12-21-2011, 10:27 PM
Is this a club where people play darts, and did they kick him out? If so, the headline for tomorrow's news article should be:

Bar Gent Pepper's Flown, The Darts Club Banned


Brilliant!

Bugeater
12-21-2011, 10:32 PM
It fell from under his coat? Why didn't he just put it in his pocket? Was it a large, ornate pepper shaker? Was it perhaps an exquisite pepper shaker?

C'mon Joe, are you leaving out some details?
And did have the matching salt shaker under his coat too? If so, was it recovered by management or did he escape with it?

Nzoner
12-22-2011, 07:54 AM
It fell from under his coat? Why didn't he just put it in his pocket? Was it a large, ornate pepper shaker? Was it perhaps an exquisite pepper shaker?

C'mon Joe, are you leaving out some details?

it was a larger ornate shaker

Nzoner
12-22-2011, 07:57 AM
And did have the matching salt shaker under his coat too? If so, was it recovered by management or did he escape with it?

It was at 5-4 and who knows.One of the other bartenders had told us she witnessed a woman putting those large ketchup and mustard bottles in her purse one day and walked up,looked at her and simply said,"put them back and please leave." :shake:

The Iron Chief
12-22-2011, 08:01 AM
I manage a redlobster and you would all be shocked by the things that walk out in purses and pockets.
Part of our front of the house workers job is to refill or replace the crap missing from tables.
People love taking the mini sea salt/pepper grinders that are on the table.
Often the normal stuff, handfuls of sugar packets all the way to some silverware its endless.
Even crazier is I'm in upstate NY not one of the big city locations the stories I hear from those make for some good meeting stories/laughs.

blaise
12-22-2011, 08:05 AM
Of course, they also say that, if you pepper a girl's tail, her anus will sneeze.

FAX

And if a guy pours it down his pants he'll have a Pepper Johnson.

Molitoth
12-22-2011, 08:29 AM
Damn, too bad I haven't ran into you lately Joe, I've been out there drinking Winter Lager the past 2 days.

RockChalk
12-22-2011, 08:33 AM
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Dammit Carl!

I was about to post this. Tombstone quotes relate to just about 99% of real life

Lonewolf Ed
12-22-2011, 08:43 AM
Is this a club where people play darts, and did they kick him out? If so, the headline for tomorrow's news article should be:

Bar Gent Pepper's Flown, The Darts Club Banned

I get it! Now, 'scuse me while I kiss this guy. LMAO

rageeumr
12-22-2011, 10:03 AM
I've been known to smuggle a pint glass out of a bar if it's particularly awesome. I've probably done it 2-3 times in my life. If I'm at a place that sells them, though (like a brewery or something), I always buy them.

DJ's left nut
12-22-2011, 10:05 AM
I stole a syrup caddy, complete with the 3 mini pitchers, from IHOP once.

Then again, I was pretty hammered and it just seemed like an excellent idea at the time. I don't even like syrup, but I wanted that syrup caddy.

RockChalk
12-22-2011, 10:07 AM
I've been known to smuggle a pint glass out of a bar if it's particularly awesome. I've probably done it 2-3 times in my life. If I'm at a place that sells them, though (like a brewery or something), I always buy them.

I doubt most bars care much about this (within reason), since the majority, if not all of their pints glasses are provided by their distributors. However, the ones that have nice logo glasses (of their establishment), probably pay for those and don't appreciate that theft. But if we're just talking about the taking of a cool Chiefs Bud Light pint glass, then they probably don't even notice.

Red Beans
12-22-2011, 10:08 AM
I've been known to smuggle a pint glass out of a bar if it's particularly awesome. I've probably done it 2-3 times in my life. If I'm at a place that sells them, though (like a brewery or something), I always buy them.

I had a buddy who snuck out a half a pitcher of beer. It was pretty funny to see him walking down the street drinking directly from his pilfered pitcher...

He said he'd be damned if they we're going to make him leave with half a pitcher yet to drink.

rageeumr
12-22-2011, 10:12 AM
But if we're just talking about the taking of a cool Chiefs Bud Light pint glass, then they probably don't even notice.

Yep, pretty much that. In fact I think one of them was, in fact, a Chiefs Budweiser glass.

Karma's a bitch, though. A buddy of mine who lives in Springfield pilfered it from my house.

stevieray
12-22-2011, 10:47 AM
...he must one of those guys who isnt the salt of the Earth.

was he humming the DP commercial?

Saulbadguy
12-22-2011, 10:51 AM
yeah, who hasn't stolen random shit from a bar after getting three sheets to the wind?

RNR
12-22-2011, 11:07 AM
My family used to own a neighborhood bar. One time a lady reached in her purse to get something and accidently pulled out a roll of toilet paper she had stolen from the woman’s bathroom. She was red faced and embarrassed and started apologizing to me. If she would not have freaked out and confessed I wouldn’t have ever dreamed someone would steal a roll of toilet paper and would have assumed it was hers. She left the roll on the bar and hurried out. It did provide the people who were there with some chuckles and conversation~

kc rush
12-22-2011, 11:10 AM
A friend of mine used to carry a huge purse (more like a suitcase actually) and our group would put random things in there from restaurants and bars when she wasn't looking. We'd get angry calls the next day when she would find a menu, glass, or whatever we'd drop in there.

Baby Lee
12-22-2011, 11:25 AM
Geez, I feel guilty taking more napkins than I need for the pending meal from Burger King.

I still feel twinges of regret over a drunken possible partial dine/dash. When 1L, about 10-12 of us would pick a different buffalo wing spot every Friday. When we went to Show-Me's, we all got good and buzzed. The ticket was like $100, and we left cash on the table. Sobering up on the way home it occurred to me that I didn't see much more that $80-$90 on the table. We might've made the amount on the tab, but surely there couldn't have been much is any tip. Felt bad about it for a good while, and as I said still twinges. And it's entirely possible I missed a stray $20 someone tossed on the pile.

go bo
12-22-2011, 11:33 AM
Of course, they also say that, if you pepper a girl's tail, her anus will sneeze.

FAX

dammit mr fax!!!

your sneezing anus made my coffee spit... :cuss:

Baby Lee
12-22-2011, 11:37 AM
dammit mr fax!!!

your sneezing anus made my coffee spit... :cuss:

No homo!!

vailpass
12-22-2011, 11:38 AM
En Vino Veritas

Apparently Mr. Carls20year plan is an educated man.

go bo
12-22-2011, 11:55 AM
Apparently Mr. Carls20year plan is an educated man.

true wine?

what's that?

Baby Lee
12-22-2011, 11:58 AM
true wine?

what's that?

The actual translation is 'in wine is truth,' ie your real thoughts come out when you're drunk.

La literatura
12-22-2011, 12:04 PM
Y'know, it could be a plan to steal a great cheeseburger. He steals a little pepper here, some ketchup at the next place, a slice of cheese a little further on, and so on. Then at some point, bam, he's got himself a burger.

I took it one piece of a tiiiiiime, and it didn't cost me a dime.

boogblaster
12-22-2011, 12:10 PM
prolly stealin' some cut fo his crack ......

vailpass
12-22-2011, 12:20 PM
true wine?

what's that?

Roughly trasnlated it is an expression that means "from wine, truth". In other words people say what they mean when they've been drinking. In this case Carls20yearplan was offering a quote in the chain of quotes from Tombstone, to which I responded with one of the next lines.

Baby Lee
12-22-2011, 12:29 PM
Roughly trasnlated it is an expression that means "from wine, truth". In other words people say what they mean when they've been drinking. In this case Carls20yearplan was offering a quote in the chain of quotes from Tombstone, to which I responded with one of the next lines.

Q - ;)

bevischief
12-22-2011, 02:24 PM
I stole a seat from Arrowhead.

RNR
12-22-2011, 02:27 PM
Apparently Mr. Carls20year plan is an educated man.

Now I really hate him~

Luke
12-22-2011, 02:31 PM
Years ago A&W used to bring ketchup and mustard squirters on the tray with your food. I seem to recall a collection of glass root beer mugs also.

KC Tattoo
12-22-2011, 02:31 PM
Got damn Haley must have reached a new low. :shake:

Three weeks before Christmas gets fired, and the man is just trying to take a little seasoning to his family.

vailpass
12-22-2011, 02:49 PM
Q - ;)

My bad

Baby Lee
12-22-2011, 02:58 PM
My bad

I was more bemused that go bowe wasn't familiar, particularly when it got heavy use during Mel Gibson's sugartits scandal.

Rain Man
12-22-2011, 03:11 PM
Years ago A&W used to bring ketchup and mustard squirters on the tray with your food. I seem to recall a collection of glass root beer mugs also.

If you're from Rolla or Jefferson City, my father is going to hunt you down and beat you half to death.


He had an A&W restaurant and I think he gave rewards to employees who caught mug thieves. It was a consistent problem, especially at those drive-up stands with the carhops. But the biggest problem was when people drove off with the whole tray - you know, those trays that would hook onto your window and hold all of your food. Those things were pretty expensive to replace.

The more I think about it, I have two major questions:

1. How did they not have more mugs and trays stolen? People are in their cars when you give them the mugs.

2. The bigger question is, why on earth did people think it was cool to drive to a restaurant and then eat the food in your car in what was more or less the parking lot?

go bo
12-22-2011, 03:22 PM
Roughly trasnlated it is an expression that means "from wine, truth". In other words people say what they mean when they've been drinking. In this case Carls20yearplan was offering a quote in the chain of quotes from Tombstone, to which I responded with one of the next lines.

thanks, i didn't remember that one...

i love val kilmer, great actor, great role...

his portrayal of jim morrison was awesome...

go bo
12-22-2011, 03:25 PM
I was more bemused that go bowe wasn't familiar, particularly when it got heavy use during Mel Gibson's sugartits scandal.

hell, i don't remember sugar tits...

was he drunk?

well, i'd guess he was since we're talking about wine and truth...

by the way, beer doesn't make tell the "truth" like wine... :) :) :)

vailpass
12-22-2011, 03:27 PM
thanks, i didn't remember that one...

i love val kilmer, great actor, great role...

his portrayal of jim morrison was awesome...

I'm a big Doors fan and did not want to see them slaughter Jim by trying to play him in a movie. Val really surprised me, I too very much liked that movie. Same with Joaquin Phoenix playing Johnny Cash. didn't think it'd be any good but it was very good.

go bo
12-22-2011, 03:28 PM
If you're from Rolla or Jefferson City, my father is going to hunt you down and beat you half to death.


He had an A&W restaurant and I think he gave rewards to employees who caught mug thieves. It was a consistent problem, especially at those drive-up stands with the carhops. But the biggest problem was when people drove off with the whole tray - you know, those trays that would hook onto your window and hold all of your food. Those things were pretty expensive to replace.

The more I think about it, I have two major questions:

1. How did they not have more mugs and trays stolen? People are in their cars when you give them the mugs.

2. The bigger question is, why on earth did people think it was cool to drive to a restaurant and then eat the food in your car in what was more or less the parking lot?

because of the novelty of not having to get out of your car to eat...

at least it was that way 50 years ago...

go bo
12-22-2011, 03:31 PM
I'm a big Doors fan and did not want to see them slaughter Jim by trying to play him in a movie. Val really surprised me, I too very much liked that movie. Same with Joaquin Phoenix playing Johnny Cash. didn't think it'd be any good but it was very good.

yeah, i loved the johnny cash movie...

both him and i can't remember her name did an amazing job of singing like june and johnny...

i was actually surprised how well the two of them were able to evoke the spirit and talent of june and johnny...

Baby Lee
12-22-2011, 04:46 PM
hell, i don't remember sugar tits...

was he drunk?

well, i'd guess he was since we're talking about wine and truth...

by the way, beer doesn't make tell the "truth" like wine... :) :) :)

http://www.tmz.com/2006/07/28/gibsons-anti-semitic-tirade-alleged-cover-up/#.TvOydTXP52A

DUI stop. Called female officer sugar tits, and asked if she was a Jew. Stated Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.

Bugeater
12-22-2011, 06:19 PM
I stole a syrup caddy, complete with the 3 mini pitchers, from IHOP once.

Then again, I was pretty hammered and it just seemed like an excellent idea at the time. I don't even like syrup, but I wanted that syrup caddy.
Those pitchers and caddies are pretty cool, I've considered stealing them when I've been sober.


because of the novelty of not having to get out of your car to eat...

at least it was that way 50 years ago...
These days eating in your car is a way of life.

Rain Man
12-22-2011, 06:21 PM
because of the novelty of not having to get out of your car to eat...

at least it was that way 50 years ago...


Yeah, I guess so. And maybe they somehow inherently knew that they were driving really cool cars that would never be duplicated.