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Micjones
01-09-2012, 10:29 AM
I had a discussion last night with my girlfriend about a relationship dilemma one of her closest friends is faced with. These kinds of conversations often serve as firestarters. If a man is too candid he can often represent an opinion that will be superimposed onto his own relationship.

So the two of us were talking about the process of a man "settling down".

I told her about a song I'd been listening to that gives the male perspective of this process. A skit preceded the song. In that skit a man lays out his account of how men always wrestle with the urge to sleep with other women. It was an "inside" conversation. The language was brash, but it was something most men could identify and stand in agreement with. Needless to say, she was repulsed by the idea that men are often desirous of other women. So now I'm in an odd position of having to answer to her about my own desires. I think women have these heart-warming ideas that a man who has committed himself to her no longer has an eye for other women. I think that's patently false.

Gents when you settled down to a monogamous relationship...
Was that a by-product of having sewn your oats or are you simply managing the urge to sleep with other women?

In taking to older male friends I've been told time and time again that the desire to be with other women never goes away...you just manage it for fidelity's sake.

True or false?

Sofa King
01-09-2012, 10:33 AM
http://mlkshk.com/r/4ILY

DaKCMan AP
01-09-2012, 10:33 AM
When I'm in a monogamous, committed relationship I don't desire to be with other women, only the one I'm with. That being said, my past relationship haven't been 'long-term' and I haven't "settled down" so..

That being said, telling a woman you're with that you desire to be with other women when you're not looking to end your current relationship is not very intelligent.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 10:35 AM
http://mlkshk.com/r/4ILY

To some degree this is dead on.
I thought I could have a grown up conversation with my lady and be candid about what men go through.
Now I realize that one other part of making a relationship work is lying to keep the peace.

rageeumr
01-09-2012, 10:35 AM
The primal, instinctive urge never goes away. It might even get worse. But, in my case at least, it's repressed by my love for my wife, the desire to give the kids a stable family and the hesitance to lose half (or more) of my shit.

DaKCMan AP
01-09-2012, 10:38 AM
To some degree this is dead on.
I thought I could have a grown up conversation with my lady and be candid about what men go through.
Now I realize that one other part of making a relationship work is lying to keep the peace.

Not blabbering & lying aren't the same thing.

blaise
01-09-2012, 10:38 AM
It never goes away. Lot's of attractive women out there. You might not want to hang out with them for 7 hours on a Saturday, or have them be a mother to your children, but they sure do look good.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 10:40 AM
The primal, instinctive urge never goes away. It might even get worse. But, in my case at least, it's repressed by my love for my wife, the desire to give the kids a stable family and the hesitance to lose half (or more) of my shit.

I concur. This is what I tried to explain, but the idea that the desire is ever even there sent her over the edge.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 10:41 AM
Not blabbering & lying aren't the same thing.

True story.

I just wanna be able to speak candidly about my true feelings without incriminating myself in some indirect way. But that comes at a price I 'spose.

stevieray
01-09-2012, 10:42 AM
for me, those receptors turned off a long time ago.

then again, my wife is hot and I'm in love with her, so it's never been a problem.


....i think it boils down to getting what you need, and taking your commitment seriously..current culture pimps a throwaway society, including relationships.

tooge
01-09-2012, 10:42 AM
There is a difference between attraction to other women and a desire to pump them full of man goo. The attraction to other women never goes away. It's simply instinct. Once you are married, the desire to put your wife ahead of heathen desires wins out and you find that you care more about her and your family well being than nailing some hottie just because she has a nice body.

tooge
01-09-2012, 10:43 AM
btw, you violated man code by speaking to her about this you know.

DaKCMan AP
01-09-2012, 10:43 AM
There is a difference between attraction to other women and a desire to pump them full of man goo.

This.

Nzoner
01-09-2012, 10:45 AM
In taking to older male friends I've been told time and time again that the desire to be with other women never goes away...you just manage it for fidelity's sake.

True or false?

Speaking as a 49 year old married male it is absolutely true and Springsteen said it best,"you can look but you better not touch."

And if the feeling does get too strong :whackit:

ThaVirus
01-09-2012, 10:45 AM
When I'm in a monogamous, committed relationship I don't desire to be with other women, only the one I'm with. That being said, my past relationship haven't been 'long-term' and I haven't "settled down" so..

That being said, telling a woman you're with that you desire to be with other women when you're not looking to end your current relationship is not very intelligent.

That being said, you sound like a pretty good dude.

That being said, I agree.

trndobrd
01-09-2012, 10:49 AM
The primal, instinctive urge never goes away. It might even get worse. But, in my case at least, it's repressed by my love for my wife, the desire to give the kids a stable family and the hesitance to lose half (or more) of my shit.


This.

I would add that at a certain point, you find that smoking hot 24 year old aerobics instructor types are just not that into you any more.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 10:50 AM
for me, those receptors turned off a long time ago.

then again, my wife is hot and I'm in love with her, so it's never been a problem.


....i think it boils down to getting what you need, and taking your commitment seriously..current culture pimps a throwaway society, including relationships.

I tend to agree. I think anyone who enters into a monogamous relationship is responsible for denying those proclivities for the sake of that commitment. I just don't think a man is a scumbag for having very natural human urges here and there that extend past his partner. It's whether or not he acts on those urges that matters.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 10:52 AM
That being said, telling a woman you're with that you desire to be with other women when you're not looking to end your current relationship is not very intelligent.

Not quite how I said it.
In fact, I never said a word about my own struggle.
I was speaking about men in general.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 10:53 AM
btw, you violated man code by speaking to her about this you know.

I know.

:banghead:

stevieray
01-09-2012, 10:54 AM
I tend to agree. I think anyone who enters into a monogamous relationship is responsible for denying those proclivities for the sake of that commitment. I just don't think a man is a scumbag for having very natural human urges here and there that extend past his partner. It's whether or not he acts on those urges that matters.


....well said.

Demonpenz
01-09-2012, 10:54 AM
Wait till she finds out who's beent texting 281-330-8004

Brock
01-09-2012, 10:56 AM
Next time, just nod and say "yeah, that rotten bastard".

ThaVirus
01-09-2012, 10:56 AM
Wait till she finds out who's beent texting 281-330-8004

WHO!?!

Sofa King
01-09-2012, 10:56 AM
Wait till she finds out who's beent texting 281-330-8004

Before i dial that, is it just texting, or sexting?

luv
01-09-2012, 11:01 AM
As the guy in the McDonald's ad says..."He's a jerk."

You're safe without revealing anything about your own thoughts as to whether you agree with him.

Nzoner
01-09-2012, 11:06 AM
btw, you violated man code by speaking to her about this you know.

:thumb:

If my years have given me any wisdom to pass on to those younger than I it's when a woman asks you to share your feelings with her DO NOT go into detail and DO NOT think she has your best interests at heart.

:evil:

Pants
01-09-2012, 11:07 AM
100% with you, Mic.

I've been honest like that before and it's always a little awkward. I just explain that it's an instinct hardwired deep in every man's psyche and it's just something that's always there. Doesn't mean that I don't love her or love her any less and doesn't mean that I'm going to cheat on her. Weak men give in to the instinct, the strong ones don't.

FAX
01-09-2012, 11:07 AM
Women can be very seductive and it's difficult for men to say, "no" to extreme hotness. The word, "no" and extreme hotness just don't go together well.

But, you can own a Renoir and still admire a van Gogh. The museum probably won't let you touch it, though.

FAX

scho63
01-09-2012, 11:12 AM
Desires never go away but a great GF or Wife can suppress those desires greatly by taking care of their man. Men who get great sex at home rarely cheat.

Also, women always claim they want to be open, share your feelings and the truth but the moment you let the cat out of the bag, it's a bad decision. You learned a good lesson and in the future, you probably should hold some things in reserve.

tooge
01-09-2012, 11:14 AM
Desires never go away but a great GF or Wife can suppress those desires greatly by taking care of their man. Men who get great sex at home rarely cheat.

Also, women always claim they want to be open, share your feelings and the truth but the moment you let the cat out of the bag, it's a bad decision. You learned a good lesson and in the future, you probably should hold some things in reserve.

Lets be very clear here. A great GF or Wife feels bad for your repressed feelings and asks her hottest friend to come over for a threesome with you.

Predarat
01-09-2012, 11:15 AM
Desires never go away but a great GF or Wife can suppress those desires greatly by taking care of their man. Men who get great sex at home rarely cheat.
Also, women always claim they want to be open, share your feelings and the truth but the moment you let the cat out of the bag, it's a bad decision. You learned a good lesson and in the future, you probably should hold some things in reserve.

That is the key, if the partners are being taken care of by each other, it sure helps keep the desires supressed, and keeps them only as desires. Once one or both is not being taken care of that really increases the desire and the motivation to act on those desires.

Pants
01-09-2012, 11:15 AM
Desires never go away but a great GF or Wife can suppress those desires greatly by taking care of their man. Men who get great sex at home rarely cheat.

Also, women always claim they want to be open, share your feelings and the truth but the moment you let the cat out of the bag, it's a bad decision. You learned a good lesson and in the future, you probably should hold some things in reserve.

Queue Chris Rock's "Fresh Pussy" routine.

luv
01-09-2012, 11:18 AM
So it's the woman's responsibility to make sure her man doesn't cheat. Interesting.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 11:19 AM
Lesson learned.

Me being able to be forthright and honest isn't worth the argument her and I are having about this today.

scho63
01-09-2012, 11:21 AM
Lets be very clear here. A great GF or Wife feels bad for your repressed feelings and asks her hottest friend to come over for a threesome with you.

:evil:

You are correct sir! LOL

Fried Meat Ball!
01-09-2012, 11:22 AM
My wife subscribes to her grandfather's old saying: I'll stop looking when I'm dead.

My wife says as long as I'm not cheating, it don't matter. And lookin' ain't cheating.

Predarat
01-09-2012, 11:23 AM
And its not just men that look. If women claim they do not, they are ****ing liars.

scho63
01-09-2012, 11:24 AM
So it's the woman's responsibility to make sure her man doesn't cheat. Interesting.

It works both ways-if a guy doesn't spend the time taking care of a woman's emotional needs she always finds a friend who will.....and guess what? It's usually a guy who she winds up sleeping with.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:25 AM
The primal, instinctive urge never goes away. It might even get worse. But, in my case at least, it's repressed by my love for my wife, the desire to give the kids a stable family and the hesitance to lose half (or more) of my shit.

/thread

sedated
01-09-2012, 11:26 AM
So it's the woman's responsibility to make sure her man doesn't cheat. Interesting.

Semantics. I wouldn't say its her responsibility, but it certainly makes it easier to make rational decisions when we've just recently splooged out the devil voices.

kindra68
01-09-2012, 11:26 AM
Would she rather have you checking out men instead?

raybec 4
01-09-2012, 11:27 AM
Only one thing in the world is better than pussy- and that's new pussy

loochy
01-09-2012, 11:27 AM
So it's the woman's responsibility to make sure her man doesn't cheat. Interesting.

It's not her responsibility, but sometimes preventative measures work wonders.

stevieray
01-09-2012, 11:28 AM
So it's the woman's responsibility to make sure her man doesn't cheat. Interesting.

moreso to know what your responsibilities are..the rest will usually take care of itself.

Pants
01-09-2012, 11:28 AM
Only one thing in the world is better than pussy- and that's new pussy

R

raybec 4
01-09-2012, 11:29 AM
R

damn, I gotta start reading through these threads before posting

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:32 AM
Lesson learned.

Me being able to be forthright and honest isn't worth the argument her and I are having about this today.

Nothing wrong with being honest about it. Many women are secure enough and mature enough to understand and accept a man's primal urge. It's a daily battle for us as most reasonable people know. But it might not be the thing she needs to hear from YOU. You just have to figure out what she's able to hear and not hear. It's a lifelong quest in figuring those things out. How long you been with this girl?

stevieray
01-09-2012, 11:33 AM
/thread
partially disagree.. if someone is staying faithful just for the kids and the stuff, that compromise will eventually find its way to the surface.

I will always put my wife first, kids second...and they know it.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:35 AM
So it's the woman's responsibility to make sure her man doesn't cheat. Interesting.

Don't think anybody said that but it's never a shock to discover the bedroom life sucks when one partner steps out. Don't make your man wait more than 72 hours and do something other than missionary every third time then he's going to be fairly happy in that department.

eazyb81
01-09-2012, 11:36 AM
No man ever manages the urge other women. It is in our DNA.

But we're also not animals and you have to consider the impact of your actions, i.e. potentially ruining the lives of other people, kids, etc.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:36 AM
partially disagree.. if someone is staying faithful just for the kids and the stuff, that compromise will eventually find its way to the surface.

I will always put my wife first, kids second...and they know it.

I think you skipped something in his post. That's the way he wrote it - in that order.

scho63
01-09-2012, 11:37 AM
Another big lesson for you-if you talk to her tonight DON'T tell her "I was discussing this today with all my friends on the Chiefs Planet to get their opinions"

You will be deeper in the doghouse and on double secret probation for an extra month!

KC-TBB
01-09-2012, 11:38 AM
Another big lesson for you-if you talk to her tonight DON'T tell her "I was discussing this today with all my friends on the Chiefs Planet to get their opinions"

You will be deeper in the doghouse and on double secret probation for an extra month!

LMAOLMAO:LOL:

tooge
01-09-2012, 11:39 AM
She needs to read that book....
Women are from Mars, men are from....somewhere they wish had lots of hot and horny women.

aturnis
01-09-2012, 11:40 AM
Not blabbering & lying aren't the same thing.

Bullshit. You don't Look at other women? Riiiiight. Bet you stop watching porn altogether too, but huh?

KC Tattoo
01-09-2012, 11:41 AM
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I kind of just go with this philosphy & I've been devorce twice and am single in my late 30's fwiw.

I think a person has to be happy with themselves before they can make any one else happy & it's impossible to understand women so just love them as they are or leave them that way you don't become a miserable smuck.

Predarat
01-09-2012, 11:41 AM
Don't think anybody said that but it's never a shock to discover the bedroom life sucks when one partner steps out. Don't make your man wait more than 72 hours and do something other than missionary every third time then he's going to be fairly happy in that department.

You nailed it right on the head!

Nzoner
01-09-2012, 11:42 AM
Don't think anybody said that but it's never a shock to discover the bedroom life sucks when one partner steps out. Don't make your man wait more than 72 hours and do something other than missionary every third time then he's going to be fairly happy in that department.

LMAO

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:43 AM
You nailed it right on the head!

I prefer to subscribe to the 48 hour rule but when the wife and I first started going to church several years ago, she heard the 72 hour rule during a break-out session at a marriage conference and has followed it closely ever since. I added the missionary portion.

tooge
01-09-2012, 11:45 AM
Don't think anybody said that but it's never a shock to discover the bedroom life sucks when one partner steps out. Don't make your man wait more than 72 hours and do something other than missionary every third time then he's going to be fairly happy in that department.

Every woman on earth needs to read this. Doesn't sound so difficult does it?

Predarat
01-09-2012, 11:45 AM
I prefer to subscribe to the 48 hour rule but when the wife and I first started going to church several years ago, she heard the 72 hour rule during a break-out session at a marriage conference and has followed it closely ever since. I added the missionary portion.

I prefer the 24 hour rule, but 48 is a good compromise. 72 is stetching it. Any more then that is an F-.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:46 AM
I think a person has to be happy with themselves before they can make any one else happy &
There's a lot of truth here.

it's impossible to understand women so just love them as they are or leave them that way you don't become a miserable smuck.
I think if you work at it, you'll gain a better understanding of why women do the stuff they do. We men do some screwy stuff too - and they have to figure out why we do our stupid things too.

Disagree with the leaving part. I believe if you consider that an option at any point, then your relationship is doomed anyway.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 11:51 AM
Nothing wrong with being honest about it. Many women are secure enough and mature enough to understand and accept a man's primal urge. It's a daily battle for us as most reasonable people know. But it might not be the thing she needs to hear from YOU. You just have to figure out what she's able to hear and not hear. It's a lifelong quest in figuring those things out. How long you been with this girl?

If I had worded it that clumsily I'd understand.
If I had given my own personal account of my struggles with fidelity...I'd understand.

This came on the back of me talking, in general terms, about someone else's relationship.
And the dealbreaker was her hearing this very "inside" male conversation about the subject.

Nzoner
01-09-2012, 11:51 AM
I prefer to subscribe to the 48 hour rule but when the wife and I first started going to church several years ago, she heard the 72 hour rule during a break-out session at a marriage conference and has followed it closely ever since. I added the missionary portion.

Not to be overly nosey but does she instigate?

I only ask because we went to a few of those conferences and I could've swore I heard it's a two way street,the woman needs to let the man know he is also still desired and therefore take the wheel once in a while.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:52 AM
I prefer the 24 hour rule, but 48 is a good compromise. 72 is stetching it. Any more then that is an F-.

For people who have been married longer than a couple years, every 72 hours would be a huge improvement. I have a neighbor who gets it about once a month. I've had friends who get it 2-3x a year. I've known married couples who don't do it for a year or more. That is just not cutting it at all. I don't think I've ever gone more than a week - even when my marriage wasn't quite as good as it is now.

DaKCMan AP
01-09-2012, 11:52 AM
Bullshit. You don't Look at other women? Riiiiight. Bet you stop watching porn altogether too, but huh?

Where did I say I don't look at other women? Seeing a woman and noticing/acknowledging she's attractive is not the same thing as desiring to bang her.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:53 AM
If I had worded it that clumsily I'd understand.
If I had given my own personal account of my struggles with fidelity...I'd understand.

This came on the back of me talking, in general terms, about someone else's relationship.
And the dealbreaker was her hearing this very "inside" male conversation about the subject.

She sounds pretty insecure. Might work out in your favor if you play your cards right.

Pants
01-09-2012, 11:53 AM
We men do some screwy stuff too - and they have to figure out why we do our stupid things too.


Examples, please.

stevieray
01-09-2012, 11:56 AM
I think you skipped something in his post. That's the way he wrote it - in that order.intentionally..that first part makes the other parts a non-issue.

hence 'partially disagree'

ChiefFripp
01-09-2012, 11:57 AM
It's rare if not impossible to find a significant other who you can be totally honest and open with. Most of the woman I have dated have been hypocrites when it comes to looking at other people ect. They hate it when I do it but get upset and call me jealous or insecure when I point out they're doing it. People are genetically programmed to look for mating partners and them genetics run deep.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 11:57 AM
Not to be overly nosey but does she instigate?

I only ask because we went to a few of those conferences and I could've swore I heard it's a two way street,the woman needs to let the man know he is also still desired and therefore take the wheel once in a while.

You know my wife. She's a very strong and assertive woman. If tonight is not the night, I can change her mind once in about 10 times. I learned that early so I don't even try on 10% odds any longer. I'd go almost every night but obviously that's not incredibly realistic when you've been married 10 years so we've kind of figured out non-verbally when it's "on". If we didn't do it last night, I'll make a move. If we didn't do it last night or the night before, I know we're on unless I've been a dick that day. Heh.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 12:00 PM
Examples, please.

Well, the key one is that we have to feel respected. If we feel disrespected for any reason then we turn into pathetic children. Respect isn't nearly as important to women so they don't understand why it is so integral to our existence.

suds79
01-09-2012, 12:00 PM
Micjones. The mistake you made was talking about that or any urge.

Honestly what good does it serve to share that? Nothing.

Words of wisdom:
"I've never been hurt by something I didn't say." - Calvin Coolidge

Phobia
01-09-2012, 12:00 PM
intentionally..that first part makes the other parts a non-issue.

hence 'partially disagree'

Oh - I get it now.

Pants
01-09-2012, 12:01 PM
Well, the key one is that we have to feel respected. If we feel disrespected for any reason then we turn into pathetic children. Respect isn't nearly as important to women so they don't understand why it is so integral to our existence.

Ahh, makes sense. Also, I learned from you a long time ago to fight the urge to fix their problems when they come complaining to us about their stupid shit at work. It's so hard to just sit and listen and nod and agree. ARGHHHH!

Nzoner
01-09-2012, 12:01 PM
You know my wife. She's a very strong and assertive woman. If tonight is not the night, I can change her mind once in about 10 times. I learned that early so I don't even try on 10% odds any longer. I'd go almost every night but obviously that's not incredibly realistic when you've been married 10 years so we've kind of figured out non-verbally when it's "on". If we didn't do it last night, I'll make a move. If we didn't do it last night or the night before, I know we're on unless I've been a dick that day. Heh.

Actually I should've said shift the clutch once in awhile because after 26 years of marriage my engine needs a little nudge to get into gear from time to time. :)

luv
01-09-2012, 12:02 PM
Well, the key one is that we have to feel respected. If we feel disrespected for any reason then we turn into pathetic children. Respect isn't nearly as important to women so they don't understand why it is so integral to our existence.

It's not?

Nzoner
01-09-2012, 12:06 PM
It's not?

As in respected as the man of the home,the one with the answers etc. We men need to feel that and if a woman can make us feel that she more than likely gets what she wants without demanding it.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 12:06 PM
Micjones. The mistake you made was talking about that or any urge.

Honestly what good does it serve to share that? Nothing.

Words of wisdom:
"I've never been hurt by something I didn't say." - Calvin Coolidge

If I'd spoken explicitly about my desires I'd agree.
That's NOT what happened. We were talking about another couple entirely.
And I spoke about the process of a man settling down.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 12:11 PM
It's not?

Not in the way that it's important to men. No, not even close. You want to feel close, feel loved. If you feel distant for any reason to your man, you're not going to want to get naked with him...

Everything changes when you've been with somebody a long time. All the new dating or new marriage assumptions turn into work in maintaining a relationship.

luv
01-09-2012, 12:13 PM
As in respected as the man of the home,the one with the answers etc. We men need to feel that and if a woman can make us feel that she more than likely gets what she wants without demanding it.

Not in the way that it's important to men. No, not even close. You want to feel close, feel loved. If you feel distant for any reason to your man, you're not going to want to get naked with him...

Everything changes when you've been with somebody a long time. All the new dating or new marriage assumptions turn into work in maintaining a relationship.

I see. Being single, respect is very important to me. Of course, I've recently learned to respect myself, so now I'm requiring it from others. :)

Phobia
01-09-2012, 12:15 PM
I see. Being single, respect is very important to me. Of course, I've recently learned to respect myself, so now I'm requiring it from others. :)

It's important to a woman, no doubt. But yeah - we're talking about women helping us feel like we're "The Man". If a husband feels emasculation from his woman then that marriage isn't going to do very well unless he's a very unique individual.

Nzoner
01-09-2012, 12:17 PM
It's important to a woman, no doubt. But yeah - we're talking about women helping us feel like we're "The Man". If a husband feels emasculation from his woman then that marriage isn't going to do very well unless he's a very unique individual.

AMEN to that!

Phobia
01-09-2012, 12:19 PM
Ahh, makes sense. Also, I learned from you a long time ago to fight the urge to fix their problems when they come complaining to us about their stupid shit at work. It's so hard to just sit and listen and nod and agree. ARGHHHH!

Heh. That's another good example. We want to fix everything. They just want to vent and be heard. They feel close when they have a confidante who will just listen. I think statistics show that women use more than 3x the amount of words a man does in the average day so if it feels like your wife won't shut up... it's because she won't. My wife talked all the way through the Texans/Bengals game the other day. It was crazy. I finally asked her when she was going to finish using her word quota for the day. Probably wasn't a smart thing for me to say because it came back on me later that night. Even though I was kidding, it stung for her. So I have to get smarter. I have to learn to engage her better so that she doesn't feel like she has to talk for 3 hours just to get my attention.

Fish
01-09-2012, 12:21 PM
You know my wife. She's a very strong and assertive woman. If tonight is not the night, I can change her mind once in about 10 times. I learned that early so I don't even try on 10% odds any longer. I'd go almost every night but obviously that's not incredibly realistic when you've been married 10 years so we've kind of figured out non-verbally when it's "on". If we didn't do it last night, I'll make a move. If we didn't do it last night or the night before, I know we're on unless I've been a dick that day. Heh.

I don't know.... sounds awfully difficult...

Count Zarth
01-09-2012, 12:25 PM
Find a girl who likes threesomes. PROBLEM SOLVED.

DaKCMan AP
01-09-2012, 12:29 PM
Find a girl who likes threesomes. PROBLEM SOLVED.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-l_iKmBTpwdY/TbZjFCGNRJI/AAAAAAAAbXE/sesWPrJUPnI/s1600/BadAdvice.jpg

Phobia
01-09-2012, 12:32 PM
Find a girl who likes threesomes. PROBLEM SOLVED.

I've been watching craigslist every single day.

eazyb81
01-09-2012, 12:34 PM
Phobia when can I sign up for your marriage seminar? You need to write a book dude.

stevieray
01-09-2012, 12:36 PM
Phobia when can I sign up for your marriage seminar? You need to write a book dude.

i told him all of this years ago...:harumph:

Amnorix
01-09-2012, 12:39 PM
For people who have been married longer than a couple years, every 72 hours would be a huge improvement. I have a neighbor who gets it about once a month. I've had friends who get it 2-3x a year. I've known married couples who don't do it for a year or more. That is just not cutting it at all. I don't think I've ever gone more than a week - even when my marriage wasn't quite as good as it is now.



:eek:

I have a brother-in-law in the same situation.

To me, that's not married, that's having a roomie...

durtyrute
01-09-2012, 12:43 PM
To some degree this is dead on.
I thought I could have a grown up conversation with my lady and be candid about what men go through.
Now I realize that one other part of making a relationship work is lying to keep the peace.

That is almost rule number one. It sucks because they tell you "just be honest, all I want is honesty" Then one day they ask if you think their friend is hot, you say yea, and it's on like donky kong. They want the fairytale. They can't handle the fact that most men love to look at, dream about and picture themselves fucking other women.

Predarat
01-09-2012, 12:49 PM
:eek:

I have a brother-in-law in the same situation.

To me, that's not married, that's having a roomie...

Its actually more like imprisonment.

trndobrd
01-09-2012, 12:50 PM
Find a girl who likes threesomes. PROBLEM SOLVED.


"Threesomes" can mean different things to different folks. You might want to be more specific, or your problem won't be solved at all.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 12:51 PM
That is almost rule number one. It sucks because they tell you "just be honest, all I want is honesty" Then one day they ask if you think their friend is hot, you say yea, and it's on like donky kong. They want the fairytale. They can't handle the fact that most men love to look at, dream about and picture themselves ****ing other women.

If that were the situation I'd been in it'd be different.
Because that would be giving my personal opinion of my own tastes in women.

This wasn't even about my personal views.
This was about another guy (and girl) entirely.

I wish I could talk to this guy...I'd call him an asshole for getting ME in trouble!
LMAO

Cave Johnson
01-09-2012, 01:00 PM
I concur. This is what I tried to explain, but the idea that the desire is ever even there sent her over the edge.

Your wife has warped, unrealistic expectations. Good luck with that.

Amnorix
01-09-2012, 01:01 PM
Threads like this remind me that I'm married to the perfect woman. We are absolutely honest, and (since she had no brothers and no prior relationships), it took a while to educate her on men and what they're about. Luckily, we trust each other completely, and neither would ever betray that trust.

99% of what guys on here bitch about regarding their women doesn't apply to my wife (see Frazod thread regarding things your wife does that drives you insane). And stuff like this -- she understands (now) that men instictively drool over attractive women, but that most men (and certainly me, which is all she cares about) can keep it zipped.

Amnorix
01-09-2012, 01:03 PM
Your wife has warped, unrealistic expectations. Good luck with that.


Agreed. She doesn't seem to understand men.

Marriages will be healthier and happier if you understand what the other sex is about, how they operate, and what is realistic/unrealistic to expect.

Amnorix
01-09-2012, 01:09 PM
Its actually more like imprisonment.

Seriously. I told my wife that if my brother-in-law steps out, I wouldn't be surprised, nor would I blame him to be honest.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 01:10 PM
Phobia when can I sign up for your marriage seminar? You need to write a book dude.

Hahahaha - yeah. No. It's easy to know what you should do. It's completely something different to execute. I'm probably a lot better husband than I used to be but I'm always screwing something up. I'm very blessed to have a wife who really wants to be with me and is willing to train me for life.

Nzoner
01-09-2012, 01:19 PM
Hahahaha - yeah. No. It's easy to know what you should do. It's completely something different to execute. I'm probably a lot better husband than I used to be but I'm always screwing something up. I'm very blessed to have a wife who really wants to be with me and is willing to train me for life.

I'm sure she enjoys using the shock collar more than she'll ever let on. :D

durtyrute
01-09-2012, 01:21 PM
If that were the situation I'd been in it'd be different.
Because that would be giving my personal opinion of my own tastes in women.

This wasn't even about my personal views.
This was about another guy (and girl) entirely.

I wish I could talk to this guy...I'd call him an asshole for getting ME in trouble!
LMAO

LMAO

Count Zarth
01-09-2012, 01:30 PM
"Threesomes" can mean different things to different folks. You might want to be more specific, or your problem won't be solved at all.

This guy is a good columnist. People are different. If we can accept gay couples we should certainly accept this variety of relationship.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=11412386

"You know lots of couples who have had three-ways and flings who aren't divorced," I told the skeptics a few weeks ago, "you just don't know you know them."

In an effort to introduce the skeptics to some happily monogamish couples, I invited coupled people who'd had successful flings, affairs, three-ways, and swinging experiences to write in and share their stories.

The response was overwhelming—I may do a book—and I'm turning over the rest of this week's column to their stories.

sedated
01-09-2012, 01:51 PM
If I'd spoken explicitly about my desires I'd agree.
That's NOT what happened. We were talking about another couple entirely.
And I spoke about the process of a man settling down.

This wasn't even about my personal views.
This was about another guy (and girl) entirely.


Doesn’t matter. Talking in hypotheticals is still going to be reflected onto you. She was (subconsciously) waiting for you to say one thing, and focused solely on that once it was out of the bag.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 02:00 PM
Your wife has warped, unrealistic expectations. Good luck with that.

We're not married...yet.

Phobia
01-09-2012, 02:01 PM
I'm sure she enjoys using the shock collar more than she'll ever let on. :D

Sometimes a shock collar would help me. I do some stupid stuff. I'm pretty sure we all do.

Micjones
01-09-2012, 02:01 PM
Doesn’t matter. Talking in hypotheticals is still going to be reflected onto you. She was (subconsciously) waiting for you to say one thing, and focused solely on that once it was out of the bag.

Basically.

patteeu
01-09-2012, 02:27 PM
The primal, instinctive urge never goes away. It might even get worse. But, in my case at least, it's repressed by my love for my wife, the desire to give the kids a stable family and the hesitance to lose half (or more) of my shit.

I agree with this.

BIG_DADDY
01-09-2012, 03:45 PM
Attraction isn't a choice, how you deal with it is. Anyone that thinks just because you love somebody that goes away is fooling themself or has control issues. That reality fits on both sides of the isle.

scho63
01-09-2012, 04:07 PM
Find a girl who likes threesomes. PROBLEM SOLVED.

Just your luck she says....."Yeah, I love threesomes! I'll invite my friend Mike over, he always joins me and my boyfriend's with all my threesomes."

:deevee:

Iowanian
01-09-2012, 04:28 PM
You can take the dog out of the hunt, but you can't take the hunt out of the dog.



I'm faithful to brideowanian and will remain that way.

I've said in my world, I don't really want to sleep with other women, but I kind of miss finding out if I could sometimes. I wish there were a free pass to have discussions with attractive women, work your cool Fonzie moves, and at some point, pull out a score sheet like a golf card and have the woman sign off on what you'd get if you went home.

1. Slap
2. Oral sex
3. typical sex
4. filthy, cursing, sweating, donkey punch sex
5. anal
6. Denied, failure to launch her cooter curiosity.

Psyko Tek
01-09-2012, 04:32 PM
To some degree this is dead on.
I thought I could have a grown up conversation with my lady and be candid about what men go through.
Now I realize that one other part of making a relationship work is lying to keep the peace.

today you are a man

Iowanian
01-09-2012, 04:33 PM
She'd have time to think about other cocks more often if she weren't so busy planning the remodel of you.

Psyko Tek
01-09-2012, 04:35 PM
Queue Chris Rock's "Fresh Pussy" routine.

there's nothing like that new pussy smell

Jive Ass
01-09-2012, 04:35 PM
When I'm in a relationship and things have gone well, especially given that the commitment I'm making to that person is something I cherish and take very seriously, I honestly don't have an eye for other women. I can look at and recognize that someone is good-looking, but I never find them sexually attractive. I guess being with the right person helps, and when I have been, the desire wasn't there.

Though, I can always tell when things aren't going quite right, because then I do surely have some other attractions. I would never act on them, but they are a tell-tale sign for me that something is awry in my current arrangement. My two cents.

Psyko Tek
01-09-2012, 04:35 PM
I had a discussion last night with my girlfriend about a relationship dilemma one of her closest friends is faced with. These kinds of conversations often serve as firestarters. If a man is too candid he can often represent an opinion that will be superimposed onto his own relationship.

So the two of us were talking about the process of a man "settling down".

I told her about a song I'd been listening to that gives the male perspective of this process. A skit preceded the song. In that skit a man lays out his account of how men always wrestle with the urge to sleep with other women. It was an "inside" conversation. The language was brash, but it was something most men could identify and stand in agreement with. Needless to say, she was repulsed by the idea that men are often desirous of other women. So now I'm in an odd position of having to answer to her about my own desires. I think women have these heart-warming ideas that a man who has committed himself to her no longer has an eye for other women. I think that's patently false.

Gents when you settled down to a monogamous relationship...
Was that a by-product of having sewn your oats or are you simply managing the urge to sleep with other women?

In taking to older male friends I've been told time and time again that the desire to be with other women never goes away...you just manage it for fidelity's sake.

True or false?


did you ask if she was bi?

Micjones
01-09-2012, 04:52 PM
today you are a man

I just hate having to do that.

KChiefs1
01-09-2012, 06:23 PM
Does it make a difference if you have kids or not????

Phobia
01-09-2012, 07:10 PM
Does it make a difference if you have kids or not????

Most men are still men whether they have kids or not.

hometeam
01-09-2012, 07:13 PM
I wanna fuck basically every decent looking, non fat woman that I cross.

DO I TRY?

Nah.

Girls do the same thing, if they say they dont, they are 100% downright lying.

DJJasonp
01-09-2012, 07:53 PM
This:

GloryDayz
01-09-2012, 08:15 PM
I'd say that she needs to be told (to tell her friend) that if the woman wants to keep the man's desire to stay monogamous, it's up to her to be better than all those other women. We're cool, we get "that week", but too much of a non-thing just kills the desire to NOT spread your seed. Or just get some! So, repulsed or not, the better stay on top of things, or "he" (you) will get on top of other things...

angelo
01-09-2012, 09:56 PM
My wife and I are very honest with each other.

One day she asked me if I ever wanted to have sex with another woman.
I looked her dead in the eye and said yes every day.

She was a bit shocked and I explained that I decided to marry her when I was sure I would never act on that impulse. That I had to much respect for her and loved her more than she would ever know.

She has never asked again.

Ang

Dave Lane
01-09-2012, 10:00 PM
I concur. This is what I tried to explain, but the idea that the desire is ever even there sent her over the edge.

Dump her. Way too insecure.

Pitt Gorilla
01-09-2012, 10:05 PM
As long as there are hot chicks, we're going to dig them.

L.A. Chieffan
01-09-2012, 10:08 PM
Chicks Fuck around as much as guys, they just like to act all innocent

wutamess
01-09-2012, 10:08 PM
I Like Turtles!

wutamess
01-09-2012, 10:22 PM
You're one of those people that don't HEAR comedy... you just listen to it...
Right at the 59s mark... HEAR C. ROCK!

Anyone know how to embed at the 59 s mark?

http://youtu.be/vnZLcx6hIaE?t=59s

Blueflame
01-10-2012, 02:47 AM
In general... a man who is still breathing (regardless of age or committed-ness) is most likely going to look when a nice butt or rack walks by. This doesn't necessarily mean he wants to... or would... cheat. But window-shopping should be ok even if one has no intention of buying. Right?

Inspector
01-10-2012, 05:42 AM
I feel as though I have an obligation to share my wealth of knowledge about this subjuct with younger guys based on the fact I've lived for awhile and have so much life experience in which to draw upon.

I just wish I could remember any of it.

InChiefsHell
01-10-2012, 06:44 AM
You are not an animal, you have control over your urges. But that doesn't make the urges go away.

I always explain it like this...I could be in love with probably a million people in the world, but I CHOSE my wife. That's because love is a choice not a feeling. Lust is a feeling. You have to control your feelings...otherwise we're just animals.

Predarat
01-10-2012, 06:59 AM
Chicks **** around as much as guys, they just like to act all innocent

That is damn true.

trndobrd
01-10-2012, 09:01 AM
My wife and I are very honest with each other.

One day she asked me if I ever wanted to have sex with another woman.
I looked her dead in the eye and said yes every day.

She was a bit shocked and I explained that I decided to marry her when I was sure I would never act on that impulse. That I had to much respect for her and loved her more than she would ever know.

She has never asked again.

Ang


Still, it's best not to use her best friend as a 'for instance'.

Lumpy
01-10-2012, 10:47 PM
So it's the woman's responsibility to make sure her man doesn't cheat. Interesting.

I find it interesting too.

However, a relationship is a 2-way street. What happens when a wife/gf's needs aren't being met? Let's say there's a lack of emotion/communication in the relationship yet there's plenty of sex. Do men ever worry that their wife/gf will seek out someone to help fill that void?

I don't mean to sound like a "typical chick" with my post, but think about it, gentlemen... a relationship without communication is like a relationship without sex. Plain and simple.

patteeu
01-11-2012, 05:07 AM
I find it interesting too.

However, a relationship is a 2-way street. What happens when a wife/gf's needs aren't being met? Let's say there's a lack of emotion/communication in the relationship yet there's plenty of sex. Do men ever worry that their wife/gf will seek out someone to help fill that void?

I don't mean to sound like a "typical chick" with my post, but think about it, gentlemen... a relationship without communication is like a relationship without sex. Plain and simple.

Go ahead and talk or cry with another man if you need to.

EPodolak
01-11-2012, 05:41 AM
You are not an animal, you have control over your urges. But that doesn't make the urges go away.

I always explain it like this...I could be in love with probably a million people in the world, but I CHOSE my wife. That's because love is a choice not a feeling. Lust is a feeling. You have to control your feelings...otherwise we're just animals.


Or maybe it's that some guys are hard-wired with traditional values of hearth and home, and have a greater reverence for fidelity. Meanwhile other guys see those as outdated bourgeois concepts and go on like roosters in heat for as long as they can. Individual differences based on temperament. Another category of men are just randy, selfish assholes and couldn't care less who they run over.

Blueflame
01-11-2012, 06:21 AM
You are not an animal, you have control over your urges. But that doesn't make the urges go away.

I always explain it like this...I could be in love with probably a million people in the world, but I CHOSE my wife. That's because love is a choice not a feeling. Lust is a feeling. You have to control your feelings...otherwise we're just animals.

In other words... "window shopping" is rather like staring at a lovely green poison ivy plant. You can appreciate its beauty and that's just fine. As long as you don't touch. o:-)

memyselfI
01-11-2012, 06:26 AM
Love the assumption that the desire to be with 'strange' is somehow a male specific desire.

burt
01-11-2012, 06:28 AM
Love the assumption that the desire to be with 'strange' is somehow a male specific desire.

You really can't read, can you. Okay.....you just look at the pretty pictures.....

burt
01-11-2012, 06:31 AM
I stayed single until I was 35 because I enjoyed chasin', and catching it. Now at 51, I realize.... I know about a tenth of what Phobia knows about relationships. and 50 times what Clayton knows.

memyselfI
01-11-2012, 06:35 AM
You really can't read, can you. Okay.....you just look at the pretty pictures.....

Oh really?

Needless to say, she was repulsed by the idea that men are often desirous of other women. So now I'm in an odd position of having to answer to her about my own desires. I think women have these heart-warming ideas that a man who has committed himself to her no longer has an eye for other women. I think that's patently false.

It's both sexes. Lots of delusion going on in that paragraph.

burt
01-11-2012, 06:45 AM
Oh really?



It's both sexes. Lots of delusion going on in that paragraph.

A thread on a predominantly man's board about mans urges. I would feel differently if it was a post about womans urges. But this thread is about a MANS urges. And even with that in mind.....

And its not just men that look. If women claim they do not, they are ****ing liars.

Attraction isn't a choice, how you deal with it is. Anyone that thinks just because you love somebody that goes away is fooling themself or has control issues. That reality fits on both sides of the isle.

Chicks Fuck around as much as guys, they just like to act all innocent

memyselfI
01-11-2012, 07:07 AM
A thread on a predominantly man's board about mans urges. I would feel differently if it was a post about womans urges. But this thread is about a MANS urges. And even with that in mind.....

Point is the poor guy who posted this is not only talking to a clueless less than honest woman but has some delusions himself. Only in Harlequinn romance novels do women lose interest in other men once they fall in love. We have the same struggles and tendencies that men do. It's just not deemed very lady like to admit it when you are a young woman. Not to mention it's a delusion both sexes willingly embrace in order to believe fidelity is actually possible. Which it is. But to deny nature is ridiculous.

burt
01-11-2012, 07:36 AM
We have the same struggles and tendencies that men do.

Read slower. That is exactly what the posted quotes were saying.:banghead:

LiveSteam
01-11-2012, 07:40 AM
Point is the poor guy who posted this is not only talking to a clueless less than honest woman but has some delusions himself. Only in Harlequinn romance novels do women lose interest in other men once they fall in love. We have the same struggles and tendencies that men do. It's just not deemed very lady like to admit it when you are a young woman. Not to mention it's a delusion both sexes willingly embrace in order to believe fidelity is actually possible. Which it is. But to deny nature is ridiculous.

People! This can all be fixed by having dirty porn sex
TRUE STORY

memyselfI
01-11-2012, 07:55 AM
Read slower. That is exactly what the posted quotes were saying.:banghead:

I understand that. Men speculating on women's sexuality is very powerful and informative especially a couple of those deeply contemplated comments.

Predarat
01-11-2012, 08:00 AM
I find it interesting too.

However, a relationship is a 2-way street. What happens when a wife/gf's needs aren't being met? Let's say there's a lack of emotion/communication in the relationship yet there's plenty of sex. Do men ever worry that their wife/gf will seek out someone to help fill that void?

I don't mean to sound like a "typical chick" with my post, but think about it, gentlemen... a relationship without communication is like a relationship without sex. Plain and simple.
Most women if there is not emotion/communication there is not alot of sex. I think that is one of the first things to look for if you are a man and the sex is lacking.

Phobia
01-11-2012, 08:04 AM
I find it interesting too.

However, a relationship is a 2-way street. What happens when a wife/gf's needs aren't being met? Let's say there's a lack of emotion/communication in the relationship yet there's plenty of sex. Do men ever worry that their wife/gf will seek out someone to help fill that void?

I don't mean to sound like a "typical chick" with my post, but think about it, gentlemen... a relationship without communication is like a relationship without sex. Plain and simple.

This is a completely fair question. Your solution is quite simple, though. Get a phone. Call some girlfriends. We don't want to talk to you.

Phobia
01-11-2012, 08:34 AM
I stayed single until I was 35 because I enjoyed chasin', and catching it. Now at 51, I realize.... I know about a tenth of what Phobia knows about relationships.

That's simply not true at all. My marriage suffers just like everybody else. I just decided to work at it. I know a lot more than I used to know but I'm still learning every day. Don't be afraid to ask your wife, "Am I supposed to be just listening or do you want me to fix something." Develop some "safe words" for times when you are devolving into a tendency that has plagued your marriage. That way, the wife can say something to you that will snap you out of it without all the conflict.

and 50 times what Clayton knows.

I think you were missing a few zeros there.

Demonpenz
01-11-2012, 09:16 AM
That's simply not true at all. My marriage suffers just like everybody else. I just decided to work at it. I know a lot more than I used to know but I'm still learning every day. Don't be afraid to ask your wife, "Am I supposed to be just listening or do you want me to fix something." Develop some "safe words" for times when you are devolving into a tendency that has plagued your marriage. That way, the wife can say something to you that will snap you out of it without all the conflict.



I think you were missing a few zeros there.

I see two zero's atleast.

burt
01-11-2012, 09:27 AM
That's simply not true at all. My marriage suffers just like everybody else. I just decided to work at it.

You are talking to the King of "Working at it.";)

Setsuna
01-11-2012, 09:38 AM
It's important to a woman, no doubt. But yeah - we're talking about women helping us feel like we're "The Man". If a husband feels emasculation from his woman then that marriage isn't going to do very well unless he's a very unique individual.

Bullshit. Grow a pair.

Phobia
01-11-2012, 09:43 AM
Bullshit. Grow a pair.

This isn't a debate. There's nothing to argue. It is what it is. There's no man alive who will survive and thrive in a relationship with a woman tearing at his manhood. It's just not possible.

Setsuna
01-11-2012, 09:45 AM
This isn't a debate. There's nothing to argue. It is what it is. There's no man alive who will survive and thrive in a relationship with a woman tearing at his manhood. It's just not possible.

Damn. You're too wise to fall into my trap. I need someone younger and dumber.

burt
01-11-2012, 10:51 AM
Damn. You're too wise to fall into my trap. I need someone younger and dumber.

How 'bout older and dumber?

LiveSteam
01-11-2012, 11:57 AM
How 'bout older and dumber?

You rang

Lumpy
01-11-2012, 02:14 PM
This is a completely fair question. Your solution is quite simple, though. Get a phone. Call some girlfriends. We don't want to talk to you.

:LOL:

Wait...

:deevee:

Setsuna
01-11-2012, 02:51 PM
You rang
You don't need a woman to confirm your masculinity do you?

How 'bout older and dumber?
Perfect

Extra Point
01-11-2012, 04:36 PM
If you've already ordered, you can still look at the menu, but don't shout out the special.