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View Full Version : Misc Overheard on the Goldman Sachs Elevator


ReynardMuldrake
01-12-2012, 06:45 AM
This is some funny shit...
An anonymous career banker inside Goldman Sachs opened a twitter account (@GSElevator) with the intention of revealing the hilarious banter that takes place in the privacy of the GS elevators. Since then, the account has evolved to include things overheard on trading floors, bullpens, lobbies and bars. Some of the conversations involve more than one person, and the participants are distinguishable by their number (#1, #2, #3). Here are some of my favorites from the past several months…

http://totalfratmove.com/769302

https://twitter.com/gselevator

ReynardMuldrake
01-12-2012, 06:46 AM
[continued...]

#1: She’s only about 3 weeks of anorexia away from looking hot.
#2: Maybe 4.

#1: Can we please stop calling them ‘hipsters’ and go back to calling them ‘pussies?’

#1: Groupon… Food stamps for the middle class.

#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherfucker.

#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… because if you’re good at lying, you’re good at everything.

#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing its browser history.

#1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.

#1: Walking around the protesters outside makes me feel like how a black guy must feel in the gym shower.

#1: Age is just a number. The more important number is how hot she is out of 10.

#1: Hermes ties are like Jordans for white people.

#1: I don’t care how into the environment she says she is. No chick wants to be picked up in a Chevy Volt.

#1: Living my life is like playing Call of Duty on Easy. I just go around and fuck shit up.

#1: Sober girls are the worst. So are really drunk ones… The sweet spot is 4 white wines and a Zanny.

#1: Bareback is the new 3rd base.

#1: Fuck that. When I was an analyst, I had to eat an entire ‘wasabi roll’. What we called team building, you pillowbitergots call bullying.

#1: Two weeks of family time. I’m ready for a FBT to let some bad out.
#2: FBT?
#1: Fake Business Trip.

#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa loves rich kids more.

#1: Fact. Nearly 50% of all American workers have less than $10k saved for retirement.
#2: Fuck. That wouldn’t cover a ski weekend.

#1: Anyone that puts CFA and MBA on their business card is a cunt.

#1: Don’t bitch about your apartment. If you want a gated house on a golf course, go be some dogshit CFO in Cleveland.

#1: I asked him what his life goal is, and he said “to make the obituary in The Economist.”
#2: Great answer. Hired.

#1: From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.

#1: My charity work begins & ends with black tie galas. And if drunk me is the highest bidder on a signed Springsteen guitar, so be it.

#1: Let’s get one thing straight. Mark Zuckerberg is a fucking loser.

#1: Black Friday is the Special Olympics of capitalism.

#1: The only reason I have a home phone is so I can find my cell phone.
#2: Our maid does that.

#1: Getting laid off from Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You’ll probably still make millions, but it’s just not the same.

ZootedGranny
01-12-2012, 07:09 AM
http://i.minus.com/izgN0aOaceAPD.gif

suzzer99
01-12-2012, 07:11 AM
Lol these are awesome.

Fritz88
01-12-2012, 07:19 AM
The obituary in the economist was hilarious.
rofl

Fish
01-12-2012, 08:14 AM
#1: From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.

LMAO... yes...

DaKCMan AP
01-12-2012, 08:19 AM
#1: Groupon… Food stamps for the middle class.

#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherfucker.

#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… because if you’re good at lying, you’re good at everything.

#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing its browser history.

#1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.

#1: Age is just a number. The more important number is how hot she is out of 10.

LMAO

notorious
01-12-2012, 09:00 AM
#1: Black Friday is the Special Olympics of capitalism



Milk meet nose. ROFL

Amnorix
01-12-2012, 09:08 AM
ROFL Damn.

Baby Lee
01-12-2012, 09:13 AM
#1: Holy shit, Da Knicks!
#2: No kidding. Haven't been this excited about a bunch of black guys since Boyz II Men played my Bar Mitzvah.



A#1: Hey asshole, which one of the P90X steps is it where you have to tell everyone in the fucking office that you're doing it?

DaKCMan AP
01-12-2012, 09:14 AM
#1: Holy shit, Da Knicks!
#2: No kidding. Haven't been this excited about a bunch of black guys since Boyz II Men played my Bar Mitzvah.

Would have been Awesome if Boyz II Men had played my Bar Mitzvah.

Amnorix
01-12-2012, 09:15 AM
JFC. ROFL

#1: We're all God's children. Some of us just deserve a higher allowance.

#1: Banks paid back all the bailout money with interest. Remind me again when the unions paid back the auto bailout?

#1: It's sweet how my wife thinks the silent treatment is a punishment for me.

#1: Riding the subway reminds me why I am pro-choice.

DJ's left nut
01-12-2012, 09:16 AM
My favorite:

#1: Only 55% of Americans between the ages of 16-29 have jobs. #2: Fuck them. They got that ass clown elected in the first place.

Amnorix
01-12-2012, 09:17 AM
#1: Money might not buy happiness, but I'll take my fucking chances.

Amnorix
01-12-2012, 09:20 AM
#1: I'm going Roethlisbergering tonight.

Cave Johnson
01-12-2012, 09:30 AM
Also this.

http://www.leveragedsellout.com/

Rain Man
01-12-2012, 09:36 AM
Some of those are hilarious.

SLAG
01-12-2012, 10:20 AM
#1: Whenever I see a black guy with my last name, I can't help but wonder if my family used to own his.

Baby Lee
01-12-2012, 10:27 AM
http://p.twimg.com/Ahn2jQACAAEZE6-.jpg

Baby Lee
01-12-2012, 10:35 AM
That's just witty

#1: I saw John Voight last night.
#2: The dentist?

Amnorix
01-12-2012, 10:54 AM
#1: Dude, she's the piñata of Christmas parties. Always gets smashed, and anyone can hit it.

Amnorix
01-12-2012, 10:56 AM
MD#1: Every horrible wife starts out as an adorable girlfriend.



Note: "MD" is Managing Director.

Baby Lee
01-12-2012, 10:59 AM
Penz siting

#1: Every morning, I pretend I wake up to the Airwolf soundtrack: http://bit.ly/sisURa

Amnorix
01-12-2012, 11:08 AM
#1: In New York, don't trust a banker with a pocket square. In London, it's a pinky ring... And in Asia, don't fucking trust anyone.


[classic] #1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.


#1: If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

#1: There's no such thing as a hopeless situation, just hopeless people in situations.

#1: Getting rich isn't that hard. Any hot girl with questionable morals can do it.

#1: Being a Republican voter is like being a mid-30s chick, you'll just have to settle. And you've probably had better.

[classic] #1: If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off, eventually one of his daughters would have.

1: This market is like watching Michael J. Fox play Jenga.

Amnorix
01-12-2012, 11:09 AM
Some of this stuff is as good as or better than anything on **** my Dad says. Brilliant. Arrogant, egotistical, sexist, etc. etc., but brilliant.

Demonpenz
01-12-2012, 11:14 AM
I liked the hipster one. Makes me feel good about myself.

Discuss Thrower
01-12-2012, 11:20 AM
Total Frat Move makes me ashamed to be in a fraternity.

Smed1065
01-12-2012, 11:46 AM
LOL-Nice

Slainte
01-12-2012, 11:52 AM
http://premium.fileden.com/premium/2007/2/22/808510/VanillaDouche.jpg

KCFalcon59
01-12-2012, 12:27 PM
Suit#1 (on cell phone): "Yes… Yes… I know… Yes… Ok, you too… Bye." [hang ups]. "Jesus Christ, I hope my next wife doesn't do this."

vailpass
01-12-2012, 01:24 PM
Poseur humor is lame.

vailpass
01-12-2012, 01:26 PM
Total Frat Move makes me ashamed to be in a fraternity.

I don't blame you. Like, grab your slampiece and go drink $20 bourbons on dollar beer night.

Frazod
01-12-2012, 02:15 PM
BTW, if you like this and aren't watching Archer, you should be.

Braincase
01-12-2012, 03:03 PM
That's some funny schiesse.

Guru
01-12-2012, 11:20 PM
DAMN!!! I needed a laugh tonight. LMAO

BigMeatballDave
01-12-2012, 11:42 PM
Funny stuff.

Pretentious douchebags.

Beef
01-16-2012, 02:00 AM
Hahaha @ COD on easy :)

There's also a couple of funny ones over at ww.overheardwhat.com

Girl: "You Smell..Use some deodorant"
Boyfriend: "I haven't got any so breathe through your mouth"
Guy passing another guy in a race.

Guy 1: "Oh hi how's it going...hey where's your wife?"
Guy 2: "She left me"
Guy 1: "Ohmygod that's awful when did that happen"
Guy 2: "no literally, she ran cross country in college she's like 3 miles up ahead or somewhere. I can't keep up with her"

NewChief
01-16-2012, 06:04 AM
These are funny, but I'm pretty dubious of the supposed "story" behind the account. These "faux reality" twitter accounts and blogs are annoying to me for some reason.

Demonpenz
01-16-2012, 09:07 AM
These are funny, but I'm pretty dubious of the supposed "story" behind the account. These "faux reality" twitter accounts and blogs are annoying to me for some reason.

It is hard to appese everyone. I will come up with a decent situation or joke that works for facebook/twitter and I will get a couple LOL's then of course there is the one person "That would be funny....if it actually happened" then I either explain I am creating a joke. That is what I do. I create jokes. Anyway the jokes on these sites mostly require you to believe that they are non-fiction to work.

Mr. Flopnuts
02-15-2012, 04:28 AM
ROFL ROFL ROFL

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

http://totalfratmove.com/782530

dmahurin
02-15-2012, 04:50 AM
ROFL ROFL ROFL

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

http://totalfratmove.com/782530

ROFL definitely worth the read. My face hurts.

Mr. Flopnuts
02-15-2012, 05:05 AM
ROFL definitely worth the read. My face hurts.

I suddenly burst into laughter waking my wife up. She went back to sleep and about 15 minutes later I did it again just thinking about it. She mad.

dmahurin
02-15-2012, 05:11 AM
I suddenly burst into laughter waking my wife up. She went back to sleep and about 15 minutes later I did it again just thinking about it. She mad.

Pull the blanket up to your neck and become the floating disembodied head while you apologize to her.

Mr. Flopnuts
02-15-2012, 05:13 AM
Pull the blanket up to your neck and become the floating disembodied head while you apologize to her.

and I'll say "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

dmahurin
02-15-2012, 05:15 AM
and I'll say "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Makes you think twice about drinking coffee before a flight.

phisherman
02-15-2012, 07:29 AM
that had me crying at my desk. hilarious story to start the day.

KC native
02-15-2012, 10:43 AM
These are funny, but I'm pretty dubious of the supposed "story" behind the account. These "faux reality" twitter accounts and blogs are annoying to me for some reason.

The goldman's account is definitely fake. There's a couple messages on there that would easily identify the guy, and if that was the case he'd be fired in a heart beat.

Fish
02-15-2012, 10:46 AM
The goldman's account is definitely fake. There's a couple messages on there that would easily identify the guy, and if that was the case he'd be fired in a heart beat.

Several sources have claimed that... and @GSelevator has also responded...

http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2012/02/why-gselevator-is-a-fake/

KC native
02-15-2012, 10:48 AM
Several sources have claimed that... and @GSelevator has also responded...

http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2012/02/why-gselevator-is-a-fake/

Yea I read Rithotlz every day. Best financial blogger out there IMO

boogblaster
02-15-2012, 10:49 AM
F abunch of rich littl yes-man punks ......

Mr. Flopnuts
02-15-2012, 12:56 PM
ROFL ROFL ROFL

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

http://totalfratmove.com/782530

It's a little long, but it's fucking hilarious!

mikey23545
02-15-2012, 01:20 PM
It's a little long, but it's ****ing hilarious!

I can't remember when I have laughed that hard.

I still have tears on my face.

Mr. Flopnuts
02-15-2012, 02:38 PM
I'm still randomly cracking up over this even though I read it almost 12 hours ago.

Mr. Flopnuts
02-16-2012, 09:12 AM
The goldman's account is definitely fake. There's a couple messages on there that would easily identify the guy, and if that was the case he'd be fired in a heart beat.

That story I linked would've outed him. He swears it's true, but everyone would know him if it was.

Dr. Gigglepants
02-16-2012, 09:17 AM
He's admitted the business trip story is not him. Just retelling a legendary analyst story that so many people know that there is no way to tell who wrote it. Go read the blog in that link a few posts back, then read the gselevator reply. It explains it, but it could still be fake.
Posted via Mobile Device

vailpass
02-16-2012, 10:19 AM
I Want To Believe