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View Full Version : Life confirmed : I have big balls


Ace Gunner
06-04-2012, 10:02 PM
so big in fact, the doctor initially warned he may take one of my precious gems from me.

it all started friday -- the pain that is, but I didn't know exactly why. while working away on a restoration property, I noticed my balls starting hurting.

it's happened before, I am familiar with this pain. most athlete type men are familiar with this pain too, something we oddly and affectionally find amusing -- ruptured balls. getting kicked in the balls when a fight starts, or kneed in the balls during a tackle, getting slid into the balls trying to tag a player out during a baseball game. a man's balls are sensitive -- just the right brush ever so lightly will rupture, if only for a few moments.

whatever the cause, we all laugh at the dude who is doubling over as he falls to the ground in pain. at least, as kids we do.

in my case, there was no contact like that last friday. no fight, no ball game. i've had ruptures occur in the normal ways, during some sports activity or even swimming and cannon balling ( the puns are not avoidable). but, I also occasionally have awoken to that special ache & pain too. but, it always went away. not this time.

I woke up saturday feeling that ache in my groin grow a bit stronger than the day before. I did what I always do -- reposition the family jewels and reached to the ibuprofen bottle on the counter and knock a few back and went on with my day. being a athlete, my threshold for pain is quite high because I wouldn't let injury end my day back then -- not now, either.

by saturday night I was feelin it. so, I hit the old ibuprofen and then hit the hay.

sunday morning came and the pain was beginning to reach levels of concern for long term health and began searching for my health insurance policy info, I am "out of town" when in kansas city, so I had to search around and find something to guide my path to a doctor. plus, I had a recording session booked that day, so I wasn't going to no doc until after my work was done.

well, that was a productive session and stayed on schedule too, a 4 hour session was completed and all involved were satisfied. I began feeling a bit better too, so I thought maybe working and moving around was helping -- it seemed like a win/win day as I left the studio for the WIP I call home in KC.

then came sunday night. All hope was abandoned as the pain had become unbearable and was spreading upward toward my hip on the left side where vital organs reside. I began to fear for my health for the first time in my life. but, once again I reached for the ibuprofen and fifteen minutes later while lying in bed the wonderful relief of modern medicine had taken away the edge of pain and I fell asleep. for awhile.

about 3 hours into sunday night's sleep I awoke shaking with chills and in pain. much stronger pain than before and it was really spreading upward on the left side of my groin. so, I did what I do -- popped open that ibuprofen bottle a unleashed that can of pain relieving whoopass on the beast inside.

but this time it wasn't working.

so, here I sit in KU med post op. turns out I have big balls that occasionally teather about.

the doctor did an ultrasound to insure I do in fact have big balls. he was right. I was right. I have big balls. but now I was faced with a problem -- the doc told me one ball, the left ball had twisted itself and the tube was too tight to supply blood to the big ball on the left. he called for surgery and told me I cold lose big ball on the left but assured the big ball on the right would continue to do me well solo. he said there was a slight chance he would not take big ball the left and so it was time to assemble a surgury team, call on the orderly and roll gurney with me on it. I would be knocked out and knifed for the first time in my long life. I was relieved it wasn't cancer or some kind of organ eating form of heroin. but, I was scared.

so, here I sit writing my journey, hoping to be discharged tomorrow.

but, as I write you tonight, post op, I can tell you folks I do have clinically proven big balls. 2 of them :D

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/picture.php?albumid=134&pictureid=1138

pr_capone
06-04-2012, 10:04 PM
pics or GTFO

/no homo

Johnny Vegas
06-04-2012, 10:05 PM
hope you're having a ball in the hospital, seeing all the pretty nurses and all.

BigMeatballDave
06-04-2012, 10:06 PM
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_W-fIn2QZgg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Iowanian
06-04-2012, 10:06 PM
Never a more appropriate location to link the greatest thread in the history of CP that never took off like it should have.........
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=179657

<object style="height: 390px; width: 640px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/r_nK1CEo5ho?version=3&feature=player_embedded"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/r_nK1CEo5ho?version=3&feature=player_embedded" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="360"></object>

BryanBusby
06-04-2012, 10:07 PM
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

it hurt me to just read it

Brock
06-04-2012, 10:08 PM
oh you poor bastard.

Iowanian
06-04-2012, 10:10 PM
Is it too early to change this poor bastard's name to Cyclops?


You should have them implant a lead weight so you don't high step with your left leg like you're walking on the moon.



This is one of the rare threads where I actually have serious empathy for your situation, but I appreciate the manner in which you're approached it here. Best of luck.

Ace Gunner
06-04-2012, 10:20 PM
pics or GTFO

/no homo

you get the one pic of my foot and the lil scribble on the tray sheet. I won't pander to homo porn :D

(the sob cut me 3 inches along the seam!)

BryanBusby
06-04-2012, 10:20 PM
Is it too early to change this poor bastard's name to Cyclops?

This really should be done.

Iowanian
06-04-2012, 10:27 PM
You should have them insert a kazoo in the drain tube hole.....

You could then drink dos equis and be known as "the most interesting BJ in the world" in the female community.

Okie_Apparition
06-04-2012, 10:41 PM
The family jewels are mostly just paste

Lumpy
06-04-2012, 10:43 PM
Damn. :( You do have big balls for withstanding that type of pain for as long as you did. Hope you get to feeling better soon!

Dante84
06-04-2012, 10:49 PM
Twisted balls? Quit slapping them around all willy nilly. They are to be massaged gently, unless of course you are doing penis origami, in which case, anything goes.

Pawnmower
06-04-2012, 10:53 PM
Glad you and your big balls are ok (no homo)

Bwana
06-04-2012, 10:57 PM
Congrats? :rockon:

Barret
06-04-2012, 11:00 PM
A Doctor touched my balls once..............ONCE!!!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/w7jMk7x7Hok" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

TrebMaxx
06-04-2012, 11:15 PM
Damn, best of luck to you. Balls are not to be messed with.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eSMZkF8JDuk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

J Diddy
06-04-2012, 11:17 PM
you get the one pic of my foot and the lil scribble on the tray sheet. I won't pander to homo porn :D

(the sob cut me 3 inches along the seam!)

Glad you're doing better.

(If they'd have cut me 3 inches along the seam it would have amputated my foot)

CrazyPhuD
06-04-2012, 11:44 PM
Dude you can be like Hitler now!(wth why are there so many fascists missing balls? Maybe that explains the source of their rage.....)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monorchism

SNR
06-05-2012, 12:58 AM
When I was in 6th grade I had that very thing happen to me with the pain in the groin. It was embarrassing for me because I was away on a school overnight field trip. What the hell am I supposed to say? My balls hurt? I had to get the teachers to call my folks and so I could tell them about it. My dad's a urologist, so he had a pretty good idea of what it was. I got looked at by the other urologist in town, and that's exactly what it was- one of my balls had gotten twisted.

Since I was young they were able to do surgery in order to prevent that from happening again.

Anyway, from one big-balled man to another, I salute you.

Sofa King
06-05-2012, 12:59 AM
Sounds like you just need to get laid.

jspchief
06-05-2012, 05:08 AM
Epididymitis?

Braincase
06-05-2012, 05:48 AM
Epididymitis?

When I found out I had testicular cancer in '83, the initial diagnosis was epidiymitis. Family physician put me on antibiotics, but it didn't resolve the problem.

My right nut was about twice the size of my left, and after standing up for about 10 minutes, it felt like I had been kicked square. Kind of put a damper on my summer job working in a paper warehouse.

After two weeks of antibiotics, I went back to the doc, he fixed me up with a specialist that day, and I was in for surgery the next morning. They removed my right one, and I was diagnosed with Teratoma and Embryonal Carcinoma, two aggressive forms of cancer that, if left untreated, would've killed me in 12-18 months.

30 years later, I'm doing alright. I've had three kids, and one of the side effects of the second operation (retroperitoneal lymphanodectomy) is that I don't feel kidney stones unless they're really big ones.

Good luck, man. I hope it's simple and easy to remedy. Thoughts and prayers with you.

ChiefsNow
06-05-2012, 06:14 AM
Were they blue?

Art Vader
06-05-2012, 06:38 AM
this is only cool if u turn it into a rc helicopter

KC Tattoo
06-05-2012, 06:46 AM
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/The_Boxxx/th_schwettyballs.jpg (http://media.photobucket.com/image/schwetty balls/The_Boxxx/schwettyballs.jpg?o=2)

I got them.

bevischief
06-05-2012, 06:56 AM
Were they blue?

ROFL

Bob Dole
06-05-2012, 06:59 AM
Show of hands: How many doubled over and put your knees together while reading this?

Pasta Giant Meatball
06-05-2012, 07:32 AM
Is your name Larry? You got some long ass balls.

Okie_Apparition
06-05-2012, 07:52 AM
Well, your feet will stay warm
for sure

beach tribe
06-05-2012, 08:01 AM
Gonna need a new liver next.

jspchief
06-05-2012, 08:07 AM
When I found out I had testicular cancer in '83, the initial diagnosis was epidiymitis. Family physician put me on antibiotics, but it didn't resolve the problem.

My right nut was about twice the size of my left, and after standing up for about 10 minutes, it felt like I had been kicked square. Kind of put a damper on my summer job working in a paper warehouse.

After two weeks of antibiotics, I went back to the doc, he fixed me up with a specialist that day, and I was in for surgery the next morning. They removed my right one, and I was diagnosed with Teratoma and Embryonal Carcinoma, two aggressive forms of cancer that, if left untreated, would've killed me in 12-18 months.

30 years later, I'm doing alright. I've had three kids, and one of the side effects of the second operation (retroperitoneal lymphanodectomy) is that I don't feel kidney stones unless they're really big ones.

Good luck, man. I hope it's simple and easy to remedy. Thoughts and prayers with you.

Yeah I suffer from epididymitis on occasion. Pretty fucking crippling at times.

Rain Man
06-05-2012, 10:30 AM
My testicles receded within my scrotum in a sympathy move. Glad you're on the road to recovery.

seclark
06-05-2012, 10:33 AM
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/picture.php?albumid=134&pictureid=1138

nice meal. i'd give my right nut for that salad.
get well.
sec

Ace Gunner
06-06-2012, 04:16 PM
ya, well I've been eating a lot of salad since then and I haven't shit since sunday. the doc has me on a script laxative -- two pills a day since monday and not one shit given.

so, I'm changing the game -- just got me a jimmy john's #8 delivered. that oughta do it. i fucking hope.

bevischief
06-06-2012, 04:39 PM
Some Rocky Mountain Oysters should help with that.

JD10367
06-06-2012, 04:43 PM
I've heard of "don't get your panties in a knot", but never "don't get your balls in a knot". Yowch.

whoman69
06-06-2012, 04:50 PM
I don't think AC/DC is going to write a song about this.

Ace Gunner
06-06-2012, 05:43 PM
Some Rocky Mountain Oysters should help with that.

that with some john denver playing softly in the bkgr

dammit still isnt hapnin..

Ace Gunner
06-06-2012, 05:45 PM
I don't think AC/DC is going to write a song about this.

i already told them i want points and they said they 'could give a shit'. cruel fuckers -- they know..

Ace Gunner
06-06-2012, 09:13 PM
I shat !! I shat!! hallelujah glory is mine!

but my ballsack stitching still hurts.. ugh

BillSelfsTrophycase
06-06-2012, 10:20 PM
nice meal. i'd give my right nut for that salad.
get well.
sec


Winner

Silock
06-07-2012, 01:02 AM
Shouldn't this thread title be "I HAD big balls." Or "I have big ball."

bevischief
06-07-2012, 06:38 AM
Wheaties.

Ace Gunner
06-07-2012, 06:55 AM
Shouldn't this thread title be "I HAD big balls." Or "I have big ball."

they are still big and I still have two balls, he was able to save the tangled one on the left. the doc sutured the tubes up to prevent this condition from happening again.

Ace Gunner
06-07-2012, 06:59 AM
Wheaties.

ya, i eat a trader joes version of raisin bran. the stool was soft, looks like i'm on on the road to recovery. still aching like the devil though. so, i'm taking pain meds, antibiotics and a stool softener.

CrazyPhuD
06-07-2012, 12:34 PM
they are still big and I still have two balls, he was able to save the tangled one on the left. the doc sutured the tubes up to prevent this condition from happening again.

That's great news....still there is nothing like taking your former teste and putting it in a jar and using it as a paper weight a work. It's a real conversation starter.

Fish
06-07-2012, 12:38 PM
"Hey guys! Wanna see my scrotum scar?"

Iowanian
06-07-2012, 12:44 PM
I'm glad you've still got 2 wheels for your cannon.


Tell broads the scar is your Stitch Tickler....ribbed for her pleasure.

Ace Gunner
06-07-2012, 12:55 PM
I'm glad you've still got 2 wheels for your cannon.


Tell broads the scar is your Stitch Tickler....ribbed for her pleasure.

take note here, men. it is all about the score