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View Full Version : Funny Stuff Emails From an A**hole...


CoMoChief
09-12-2012, 08:25 PM
These are really funny. Anyone seen these before?

A guy has bogus/fake email accounts and posts replies to Craigslist/classified type ads. Don't know how much of it is real as far as people's responses, but either way it's still funny. Read them at the link below...

http://www.dontevenreply.com/

I'll copy/paste the first one I LMAO to


Background story on this email is a guy posted an ad for needing a Japanese translator to help him understand a troubleshooting manual for a CD stereo he bought, but the manual is in Japanese and he can't read it.

That's where this asshole comes in, he starts ****ing with the guy by responding from multiple email accounts.


Glorious Master Translator
Posted at: 2012-04-23 17:29:34 | 481 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
I need someone who speaks japanese to help me translate something. wont take too long. please email me ASAP!

From Me to ************@***********.org:

Hi! You need Japanese translate? I Chan, I help you with translate.

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

hey chan. so ok heres the deal. my cd player suddenly stopped working and i cant figure out why. for some reason the only manual i have is entirely in japanese. i took a pic of the page im pretty sure its the trouble shooting part. can you see if it says anything about no sound coming from the output?

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/troubleshoot.gif


From Me to Scott *******:

Ok, I find three thing may help you:

"Failure of Sound from Device"
"Skipping of disc for poor sound"
"Sound volume low very much"

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

umm..what does it say for the failure of sound one?

From Me to Scott *******:

"Hello and thank you for chose glorious master CD player! Apologies many for trouble of product. To fix failure of the sound, follow step:

1. Unplug glorious master CD player
2. Plug glorious master CD player back in"

I hope this help!

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

that doesnt help me at all. is that all it says?

From Me to Scott *******:

Oh no! Very sorry. There more steps to help you! Here:

"If still experience failure of the sound, your glorious master CD player possessed by audio demon. To banish audio demon, follow step:

1. Ignite seven candle
2. Pray to Benzaiten, Goddess of Music
3. Benzaiten will banish audio demon to eternal suffering
4. Try play CD again

If you fail banishing of audio demon, you failure. Much dishonor of family name. Suggest immediate death by Seppuku."

I hope you banish audio demon! Much luck.

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf? does it really say that?

From Me to Scott *******:

I just translate what you give.

From Scott ******* to Me:

no way it says that. what kind of useless manual is this? how is that supposed to help anyone?

From Me to Scott *******:

Very sorry, audio demon big problem with many CD player! I have sword, much sharp, good for seppuku. You want borrow?

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf are you talking about. an audio demon? this is BS. are you screwing with me?

From Scott ******* to Me:

did i send the wrong page? i think this is the table of contents. can you look at this and tell me which page is the troubleshooting one? then ill send you that one

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/toc.gif

From Me to Scott *******:

That no table of content, that Sushi take-out menu! Try #16, Spicy Salmon Roll! Much delicious!

From Scott ******* to Me:

..........ok buddy. thanks for nothing you jackass.


He then continues to do the same shit to the guy but with another email account


From Me to *********@*********.org:

Hey there,

I saw your ad and think I can help you. I majored in Japanese in college, speak it fluently, and lived in Miyazaki for two years.

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

thanks so much mike. i was talking to someone else for help, but idk what his problem was. dude kept sending me all this BS. anyway my cd player isnt working and the manual is only in japanese so i need help reading the troubleshooting part. i think the attached picture is the table of contents, could you see if it says what page the troubleshooting part is on and then ill send you that?

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/toc.gif

From Me to Scott *******:

You sent me a sushi take-out menu. Are you sure you have the right documents?

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf!!! i dont know what is going on! it has a picture of the cd player on the front and then this is the next page. why would they put a sushi menu in there?

From Me to Scott *******:

Japanese instruction manuals are not like the American manuals you are used to. They often include advertisements, and I guess in this case, a sushi menu. Looking at it closer, it says "Thank you for purchasing this glorious master CD player. Why not order sushi while you enjoy music?"

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

well that is dumb...whatever. i think this page is the troubleshooting part because of the tables. am i right? do you see anything about there not being any sound?

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/troubleshoot.gif

From Me to Scott *******:

Yes, this is the right page. It says to unplug it and plug it back in.

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

yea i did that. nothing. is that it?

From Me to Scott *******:

Well, you're not gonna want to hear this, but it says your CD player is possessed by Amanojaku, or "audio demon." You should light three candles and pray to Benzaiten, the god of music.

Mike

From Me to Scott *******:

Scott? Were you able to banish the audio demon?

:LOL::LOL::LOL:

Saul Good
09-12-2012, 08:33 PM
That is awesome.

lewdog
09-12-2012, 08:35 PM
I read his responses in my best Kim Jong il Team America voice.

QuikSsurfer
09-12-2012, 08:36 PM
ROFL

IratePrimate
09-12-2012, 08:39 PM
Best thing i have read all night :thumb:

Dartgod
09-12-2012, 08:41 PM
These are great.

Original ad:
36" RCA tube TV for sale. good condition. pickup only. very heavy. first with $50 gets it. no phone- email only.

From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hey there,

I want your TV. I have $50 cash and can pick it up anytime. What is your number? I'll call you for directions.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

hi mike. i live at 54 ********* dr. can you get it today? i dont have a phone so just show up and knock on my door. ill be home all day sound good?

From Me to Steve *****:

Sounds good. I'll be over in a few hours.

Thanks,

Mike

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, I'm on Pughtown Rd right now but I am having trouble finding your house. Can you help me out? I pulled over on Wilson Rd and I'll wait for your instructions.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i dont live on pughtown. i live on ******** dr. if you turn rite onto pughtown, then rite on bethel rd from pughtown it will take you there.

From Me to Steve *****:

Okay, I turned onto Pughtown again but I don't see Bethel Rd. I crossed over a river and now it says I am coming up on Route 113. Am I going the right direction?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no. i said make a rite on pughtown. you made a left. turn around and go the other way. your not even close so you have a way to go.

From Me to Steve *****:

Uh...I turned around and I'm still not seeing Bethel. It looks like I'm at Pughtown and Rt. 100. Should I go down that?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

NO! you drove passed bethel dude IT INTERSECTS WITH PUGHTOWN. turn around and it will be on your LEFT

From Me to Steve *****:

I already turned onto Rt. 100 because you took too long to respond. It is kind of hard to turn around on this road. Doesn't 100 intersect with 113? I'm just going to do that and then loop around back to Pughtown Rd.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no dont do that!! you will be on 100 for like 15 miles before that happens! just turn around and get back on pughtown this should be easy

From Me to Steve *****:

This would be much easier if I could just call you. What is your phone number?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i already told you i dont have a phone. how is this so confusing to you? where are you now?

From Me to Steve *****:

I think I'm on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. It says the next exit is King of Prussia in 15 miles. Should I get off at that exit?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

dude why the FUCK would you get on the turnpike? didnt you notice something was wrong WHEN YOU HAD TO GO THRU A FUCKING TOLL???? jesus man you are hopeless!

From Me to Steve *****:

Calm down. No need for profanities. I saw the toll and realized something was wrong, but there wasn't anywhere for me to turn around so I just went through it. I accidentally went through the EZ-PASS thing instead of the regular toll and I think it took a picture of my license plate. Should I get off at the King of Prussia exit? I just passed a billboard for Geico insurance, if that helps.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i cant help you. you are beyond lost. next time get a fucking GPS if you are this bad with directons

From Me to Steve *****:

Well, I hope you are happy. I just got pulled over for texting while driving, and going 103 in a 65. The cop is running my information right now.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

how the fuck is that my fault!?

From Me to Steve *****:

Apparently my registration and insurance are expired, so they are towing my car. Also, they said there is a bench warrant out for my arrest for not paying some speeding ticket I got last year. They are taking me to a police station in Norristown. The cop said I should be processed in a few hours. Would you be able to bail me out? Bring the TV, too. They are taking my phone now so I won't be able to talk to you after this.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

are you fucking with me? im sorry dude but you are a fucking idiot and im done dealing withyou



==============================
EPILOGUE - SEVERAL DAYS LATER
==============================

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, it is Mike again. Where were you? You never came to bail me out. I had to get a bail bondsman and now I owe like $1500. On top of that, they found a bowl and some weed in my car, and a little bit of cocaine. I'm getting charged with possession, which is going to cost me a fortune. Plus my speeding ticket which is going to be over $200. Seeing as this is your fault, I think you should pay me at least $500 as compensation. I don't know when I will get my car back so you will have to bring the $500 to me. I live in West Chester, when can you come with the money? Also, bring the TV.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

listen up you stupid fuckhead. i gave you the easiest directons and you still got fucking lost. did i ask you to go on the turnpike and get pulled over for speeding like a fucking idiot? did i ask you to have drugs in your car? NO. you must be smoking crack if you think im giving you $500 and the tv. im surprised the cops didnt find crack in your car you fucking crackhead. none of this is my fault you are just a fucking dipshit that cant follow directons so fuck the fuck off and never email me again!!!!

oh and i sold the tv to someone else and the guy had no problems finding my house cause HES NOT A FUCKING MORON

Bewbies
09-12-2012, 08:41 PM
That is fantastic.

rockymtnchief
09-12-2012, 08:52 PM
LMAO
http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84

CoMoChief
09-12-2012, 09:01 PM
Childhood Classics
Posted at: 2011-07-12 06:54:03
Original ad:
Wanted - CHILDRENS DVDS
Movies wanted for children aged 5 and up - will take all unwanted DVDs!
From Me to *********@**********.org:

Hey there!

I'm trying to get rid of a bunch of movies I've had since I was a kid. The movie stores won't take them, and it would be a shame for me to just throw them out. I'd love to pass them on to people who can enjoy them. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Mike - Which movies do you have and how much do you want for them?

From Me to Julia ******:

Julia,

Here is the full list:

Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alladin
Backdoor Creampies 2
Beauty and the Beast
Big Black Threesome
Fantasia
Finally 18 and Legal
The Lion King
Mattress Slaves 3
The Mighty Ducks
Toy Story
Wet Squirters 5

Please let me know which ones you want.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Mike...some of those titles are inappropriate.

From Me to Julia ******:

Julia,

Which titles are inappropriate?

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

I think you know which ones...

From Me to Julia ******:

Are you talking about Fantasia? I know, I thought it was a Vietnam war movie too. I assure you it has nothing to do with Asia and is completely appropriate for children. The only other title I think you are referring to as inappropriate is The Lion King, but I think you are confusing that with "The Scorpion King," the violent movie starring Dwayne Johnson. While the Lion King does have adult themes, it is nothing like The Scorpion King.

I hope this clears things up.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

No...explain to me how these movies are for children??? Backdoor Creampies, Big Black Threesome, Finally 18 and Legal, Mattress Slaves 3, Wet Squirters 5. It sounds to me like you are trying to throw out your porn collection.

From Me to Julia ******:

Pornography? What a disgusting accusation! What kind of a person do you think I am? You have a really perverted mind if you think those movies are adult films.

You've really never heard of those movies? Where was your childhood? I'll find the plot summaries for you.

Backdoor Creampies - Cindy, a little girl with big ambitions, decides to open a bakery in her parents kitchen - selling pies to children who come to her backyard. Cindy learns that running a business isn't all fun and games in this hilarious tale of entrepreneurship.

Big Black Threesome - Barry, Billy and Bernie are three lovable black bears who have zany adventures during their quest for honey.

Finally 18 and Legal - A coming of age story about a young girl who becomes an independent woman.

Mattress Slaves 3 - Part 3 of the shocking documentary about slave labor in the mattress industry of third world countries. (Acceptable for kids, and in my opinion, a necessity to educate them on some real world issues. I never bought a foreign mattress again after this eye-opener.)

Wet Squirters 5 - The Squirters gang is back again in this heartwarming tale about a group of whales who try to find their long lost father in a vast ocean of wet sea critters.

Once again, I hope this clears things up for you.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

You expect me to believe that all of those movies simply have unfortunate titles? Nice try.

From Me to Julia ******:

Sorry to disappoint your sick mind Julia, but yes, they are all children's movies. So do you want them or not?

By the way, I just found 3 more movies to add to the collection I am offering:

Toy Story 2
James and the Giant Peach
Walt Disney's Double Penetration Cockblasts 3

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Okay I've had enough of this. You are a nut.

From Me to Julia ******:

Think of the children, Julia. They will never get to enjoy these classic films because of you.

From Julia ****** to Me:

Go to hell.

IA_Chiefs_fan
09-12-2012, 09:01 PM
Best shit ever!

Luke Warm
09-12-2012, 09:02 PM
ROFL oh man ROFL

ClevelandBronco
09-12-2012, 09:05 PM
Great stuff. I love his description of his Bronco in The Shaniqua Chronicles.

Reminds me a bit of Don Novello's "The Lazlo Letters." His targets were corporations, but the put-on was similar. (Novello is also Father Guido Sarducci.)

boogblaster
09-12-2012, 09:09 PM
well they'll prolly miss outt .....

mr. tegu
09-12-2012, 09:14 PM
LOL

Bewbies
09-12-2012, 09:15 PM
That site is comedy gold. The one about the studio apartment had me rolling...


Spacious Studio Apartment
Posted at: 2011-02-10 14:39:39
Original ad:
Hello. I am a responsible young professional looking to sublet a studio or 1 br apt in or around East village. I am looking to move in on Mar 15. 2000/mo is my budget. Thans
From Me to **********@********.org:

Hey,

I am leaving for London on business and need to sublet my studio apartment immediately. It is a beautiful spacious apartment in the East Village (near Tompkins Square Park). Rent is $1750/month and you can move in as soon as February 25th. Please let me know if you are interested.

Regards,

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:

Hi Mike thanks for responding. A few questions: how big is the apt? how long can is the lease til? do you have any pics or a floor plan? I want to move in on mar 15- is that ok?

From Me to Ari ******:

March 15th is fine with me. The apartment is 370 square feet. I don't have any pictures, but I have included a floor plan to give you an idea of the layout of the apartment. The lease is up in November 2011, but you have the option to renew if you wish. Please let me know if you have any more questions about the apartment.

Mike

Attachments:

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/floorplan.jpg

From Ari ****** to Me:

Mike did you send me the wrong plan or is there really a pool in your apartment.

From Me to Ari ******:

Oh, yes. I should have mentioned the pool. I had an exercise pool installed in the apartment because I was training for a swimming marathon. It is a really nice pool. It is 39 inches deep with powerful jets and a vinyl liner. The pool is great if you like to swim.

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:

Thats a pretty important thing to forget to mention, doncha think?! It takes up the whole f-ing apartment! How is there no bathroom?? Where am I supposed to shower and sleep?

From Me to Ari ******:

I know, it is a really nice pool. I usually use the kitchen as the bathroom. You can either pee in the sink, or out the window. The window overlooks an alley behind 5th St, and most of the time nobody walks below you. Even if you do piss on someone, you are on the 7th floor so they will probably have no idea where it came from. By the time it hits them, you will most likely be zipped up and have the window shut. The sink has a garbage disposal in case you need to take a dump.

Showering? You don't need to shower - you have a pool! Just go for a swim any time you are trying to wash off.

Sleep? I've got that covered too. I have an extremely comfortable pool raft I sleep on. It is like sleeping on a waterbed! It has a couple of cup holders you can put your phone/keys/beer/whatever in. I'll include this with the apartment for an extra $10.

I am free tomorrow if you want to check the place out and fill out the sublet papers.

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:

Hmm well yes that does sound nice, but I am looking for a place where I dont have to shit in my sink and sleep in a goddamn pool. Come on man! Good luck finding someone to rent you'll need it!

From Me to Ari ******:

You don't have to shit in the sink, it is just an option. You can also shit out the window, or shit in a bucket next to the window and dump it out the window. There is an Indian restaurant that backs up to the alley, so it already smells like shit down there.

At least come over and try my raft before you decide that sleeping in a pool is a bad thing. I'll even throw in a couple of pool noodles for free.

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:

Stop trying to sell me your POS apartment, if you can even call it that. You know what makes an apartment an apartment? A bed. Bathroom. Furnature. NOT A ****ING POOL.

Why am I arguing with you? This is ****ing ridiculous. Conversation over.

From Me to Ari ******:

Why are you so afraid of sleeping in this pool? Be honest, do you not know how to swim? If so, I can give you the number of a good lifeguard I know.

From Ari ****** to Me:

Shut the hell up. I hope you drown in your pool!

Bewbies
09-12-2012, 09:22 PM
Ok, one more LMAO gun lovers will enjoy this...


Disguised Weapons
Posted at: 2010-02-09 06:06:07
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/knife1.JPG

Looks like a normal spoon, right?

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/knife2.JPG

Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can **** off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/glock.JPG

At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/m16.JPG

Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/m3.JPG

This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a ****ing dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother ****er. I hope you get hit by a car. **** off, eat shit, and die.

CoMoChief
09-12-2012, 09:24 PM
Ok, one more LMAO gun lovers will enjoy this...

LMAO "If you look closely..."

Luke Warm
09-12-2012, 09:35 PM
This is the best thread ever. I am fucking crying laughing. The guns are awesome. The picture of the gun in the cup had me dying...."at first glance it looks like a normal party cup" ROFL

"Still thirsty for justice?"

ROFL

ThaVirus
09-12-2012, 09:37 PM
I've only read the few quoted in the thread so far.. LITERALLY in tears.

Papi
09-12-2012, 10:21 PM
Add me to the list of literally crying while reading these. Holy crap I can't stop laughing!

Luke Warm
09-12-2012, 10:44 PM
ROFL....I can't stop laughing. I've been on this guys site reading these for the past hour laughing my balls off. My pillow has a wet spot from my tears rolling down my cheek, I shit you not. I am not stopping anytime soon so I will probably be dead tired at work tomorrow lol.

The special Olympics hockey instructor ROFL

Dave Lane
09-12-2012, 11:37 PM
Very old and Q but still funny.

A Salt Weapon
09-13-2012, 12:10 AM
I came across this guy from the concealed weapons one posted in a gun forum. Good stuff, they're rumors that it is all fake but still hilarious regardless, if you go through his archives it is good for some laughs.
Posted via Mobile Device

Pitt Gorilla
09-13-2012, 12:16 AM
Literally laughing my ass off.

Bump
09-13-2012, 12:54 AM
that dude is hilarious, ROFL

Chiefspants
09-13-2012, 01:14 AM
I read all of these to death about a year ago, but I'm dying all the same.

NJChiefsFan
09-13-2012, 01:18 AM
The one with the TV is out of control.

CoMoChief
09-13-2012, 06:29 AM
I came across this guy from the concealed weapons one posted in a gun forum. Good stuff, they're rumors that it is all fake but still hilarious regardless, if you go through his archives it is good for some laughs.
Posted via Mobile Device

Well....I kinda thought so too, but if you read his FAQ portion of the site, he says that only about 1 out of 10 people actually respond to his bullshit, and even then he only posts the good ones.

bevischief
09-13-2012, 07:05 AM
I read all of these to death about a year ago, but I'm dying all the same.

I was thinking the same thing...

tooge
09-13-2012, 07:53 AM
LOL at "the only sport he'll be playing is shitting in a bag"

frankotank
09-13-2012, 08:12 AM
wow. what a great find.
there goes todays productivity!

Dayze
09-13-2012, 08:33 AM
the special weapons one was killer.

"If you look closely, you'll notice..."
"Still thirsty for justice"..."

Luke Warm
09-13-2012, 08:42 AM
the special weapons one was killer.

"If you look closely, you'll notice..."
"Still thirsty for justice"..."

This is my favorite one ROFL...."you can pour your enemies a cup full of lead"

EVERY SINGLE ONE is ****ing hilarious. Not one has been remotely close to being unfunny.

J Diddy
09-13-2012, 08:51 AM
Unfunny.

Luke Warm
09-13-2012, 08:54 AM
Unfunny.

Great. So this should be your last post in here. Good riddance.

Mr. Flopnuts
09-13-2012, 08:58 AM
I've only read the first one so far, but that is the hardest I've laughed in a long, long, time. Fucking brilliant!

LMAO Sushi menu...

ChiTown
09-13-2012, 09:00 AM
I have no sense of humor.

FYP

Luke Warm
09-13-2012, 09:05 AM
I've only read the first one so far, but that is the hardest I've laughed in a long, long, time. ****ing brilliant!

LMAO Sushi menu...

Get used to hardcore laughing because you'll be doing LOTS of it.:thumb:

Mr. Flopnuts
09-13-2012, 09:19 AM
None of them are as good as the first one yet, but there is some funny shit on that site.

saphojunkie
09-13-2012, 09:20 AM
This is ceaselessly entertaining.


For awhile I was putting up craigslist ads for bizarre shit just to see what people would respond. Basically trying to get crazies to come to me. It was fun.

My favorite ad was where I was looking for a black friend, because I wanted to broaden my horizons. I attached a pic of myself as a 19 year old blonde. That good some good run. :)

vailpass
09-13-2012, 09:46 AM
LMAO Oh my god

vailpass
09-13-2012, 09:47 AM
I've only read the first one so far, but that is the hardest I've laughed in a long, long, time. ****ing brilliant!

LMAO Sushi menu...

Best part is he backs it with a second, completely different character, and confirms the audio demon. f'ing hilarious.

Mr. Flopnuts
09-13-2012, 09:48 AM
Best part is he backs it with a second, completely different character, and confirms the audio demon. f'ing hilarious.

That's exactly where I lost it. Fucking brilliant.

CoMoChief
09-13-2012, 10:12 AM
The Horse Glue Factory one is hilarious too.

Luke Warm
09-13-2012, 10:17 AM
I just read "Be A Man" ROFL ROFL ROFL

Mr. Flopnuts
09-13-2012, 10:58 AM
LMAO

Fat Bitch Won't Ride the Bus
Posted at: 2009-06-15 17:08:40
Original ad:
im looking for ride from the philadelphia area to pittsburgh next friday. i will split the cost of gas with you. I am female, and would prefer to ride with another female or young(21-ish) person.
From Mike Anderson to ************@*********.org

Hey! I am going to Pittsburgh and can give you a ride. Can you meet me at 30th St. Station 11 AM on Friday? By the way, I'm 21, so you don't have to worry about riding with some old creeper.
Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me
hey mike! that sounds good. how much do you want for gas? let me get your number so we can work out the details

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Melanie,

I was thinking around $70 should cover it. Unfortunately I do not have a cell phone because I accidentally forgot to take my pants off when I was taking a bath last night and forgot my cell phone was in the pocket. It won't turn on! Could you just stand outside of the west entrance with a sign that says "I'm Melanie" ? I'll look for you.

Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me
wow i wasnt expecting to pay $70! why so much? i was thinking more around 30-35 bucks! also im not standing out there with a sign lol.

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Melanie, I'm sorry but the price is not negotiable. Unfortunately the cheapest bus ticket is $70. Do you want to just meet me on the bus if you don't want to stand out there with a sign?

From Melanie ******** to Me
what?! i didnt want to ride a bus! i thought you were driving a car to pittsburgh. wtf dude

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Well shit Melanie, I didn't think you would be so picky about what kind of vehicle you wanted to ride in. If price is an issue, I can sneak you on the bus. I've done it before with my son. I have a duffel bag that is pretty big, and you can just hide inside it and not move and they will load you under the bus. I'll make sure that they put you on top of all the other luggage so you aren't crushed. You can have my video ipod to stay entertained during the bus ride. It has the first season of Deadwood on it. You aren't fat, are you? I don't want the bag to rip from underneath when they lift it up.

Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me
are you fucking with me? this has to be a joke. there is no fucking way im doing that

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Oh, you aren't a Deadwood fan? I think I have the Ben Affleck hit "Gigli" on my iPod if you wanted to watch that instead.

From Melanie ******** to Me
NO! IM NOT SNEAKING ON TO THE FUCKING BUS IN A GODDAMN SUITCASE

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Okay, I didn't realize you were so sensitive about your weight. If you can't fit in the duffel bag that's fine. I just went and ordered you the bus ticket. It is pretty much first-come first-serve for seating on the bus. You can sit next to me if you want, but I want the window seat. I also have to get up a lot to pee so you will have to get up so I can squeeze out.

From Melanie ******** to Me
IM NOT RIDING THE BUS! I'LL FIND ANOTHER RIDE

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Well you owe me $70 for the ticket! I can't return it!

From Melanie ******** to Me
I NEVER SAID TO BUY IT! THAT IS YOUR FAULT DUDE GOODBYE

Bump
09-13-2012, 11:27 AM
anyone besides me gonna make a fake email account to fuck with people?

Molitoth
09-13-2012, 11:43 AM
OMG this is effing hilarious!

CoMoChief
09-13-2012, 11:43 AM
If you look at the ads on the side of the page, I guess there's a book you can buy that has tons more of these.


almost thinking about buying it LMAO

Molitoth
09-13-2012, 12:04 PM
I'm at work and can't help busting a gut. This is the funniest stuff I've read in awhile.

L.A. Chieffan
09-13-2012, 12:16 PM
Jfc I can't stop laughing. My abs hurt

mdchiefsfan
09-13-2012, 12:27 PM
LMAO


Wood Chipper Rental
Posted at: 2009-12-23 11:41:39
Original ad:
670cc commercial wood chipper/shredder for sale. Little bit of rust but works great. Contact Joe - ***********@gmail.com
$4000 OBO
From Me to ***********@gmail.com:

Hi Joe,

Is the wood chipper still for sale?

Thanks,

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

Yes, I still have the wood chipper.

From Me to Joe ******:

I don't have $4000, but what I do have is $200 and a need for use of a wood chipper for about half an hour. Would I be able to rent it from you for $200?

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

I don't see why not. What are you using it for?

From Me to Joe ******:

Don't worry about that. So would I be able to swing by and pick it up in my truck, then bring it back about an hour later? I can leave my driver's license as collateral.

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

First you need to tell me what the chipper is being used for or you can find someone else.

From Me to Joe ******:

Okay, I'll try to explain my situation. My cat just had a litter of kittens, and I can't get rid of them. I tried giving them to my friends and putting ads online, but nobody wants them. I even tried releasing them into the wild but they keep coming back to my house. I can't stand these little ****ers pissing everywhere and clawing up my furniture. So I figure my next option is to put them down. I can't afford to have it done professionally, so I think a wood chipper would be the next most humane way. I looked up your model and saw it has a 6 inch input, which I think will be perfect for me.

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

.......................................wow. No.

From Me to Joe ******:

Why not? It is an easy $200 for you. Can't you just pretend I took it to mulch some wood?

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

No. You are a sick sick sick sick sick person.

From Me to Joe ******:

I'll give you $250 and throw in a free kitten (not mulched, of course). Plus, I thought about my plan some more, and I decided to put meow mix all around the input, and just leave the kittens near it. That way, if they get shredded, it is their own damn fault, and my hands are clean.

Mike

redhed
09-13-2012, 12:34 PM
Prolly fake, but funny nonetheless.

suds79
09-13-2012, 12:49 PM
This guy's blog is pure gold.

A great laugh to break up the workday.

Check out some of his others if you haven't.

frankotank
09-13-2012, 12:56 PM
not just funny stories.....great ads.
yes....I would.

http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/simgad/2557786687093782133

mikeyis4dcats.
09-13-2012, 01:06 PM
this guys is still around? I remember seeing these a few years ago. Pretty amusing.

mdchiefsfan
09-13-2012, 01:14 PM
This one is awesome

Angry TV Buyer
Posted at: 2010-09-12 10:44:50
Original ad:
i want a flatscreen tv. at least 40 inches and under $500. hit me up if you got what i want
From Me to ***********@**********.org:

Hey,

I am selling my 42" Westinghouse plasma TV for $400. It is in excellent condition. I'm just selling it because I got a bigger one and don't need this one anymore. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

yeah man thats perfect. ill buy that as soon as possible. would you be able to bring it to my house? i dont have a car. im home pretty much all day every day

you can call me if you want 610-***-****

From me to jim ******:

No problem, Jim. I could bring it by tomorrow after work. Are you sure you want to buy it though? I don't want to bring it there and have you decide you don't want to buy it.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

no i definitely want it. just bring it over man

my address is 415 ********* rd, ******, PA
just call me if you have any trouble

From me to jim ******:

Okay, I'll be over tomorrow.

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

I'm very sorry I was unable to make it to your house today. I had the TV loaded in the back of my pickup truck, and I was all set to go to your house. I just decided to make a quick stop in Chester to buy some stuff from a friend, and when I got back to my truck, the TV was gone. I can't figure out what the hell happened to it. I'm thinking maybe I hit a bump and it slid out of the truck, because I do forget to close my tailgate sometimes. I don't really remember if it was in the truck when I parked it, so I am baffled.

Anyway, this is totally my fault. Seeing as how I promised you a TV and lost it, I am going to help you out. I signed you up for a 2 year subscription to Plasma TV Enthusiasts Weekly. It is an excellent magazine that will give you a lot of information on plasma TVs to help you make the right decision when buying one. It is normally $84.99 a year, but I hooked you up with my referrer discount so it will only cost you $63.50 a year. I had it sent and billed to the address you gave me, and you should get your first one in a week or two.

Once again, I am very sorry that I lost the TV that I was going to sell you, but hopefully this magazine can help you out.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

are you out of your ****in mind i dont want any ****in magazines!!! what the ****.. you better ****in cancel that shit. what the **** were you thinking dude, im not paying for that you ****in dumbass

From jim ****** to Me:

and its obvious YOUR TV WAS STOLEN YOU ****IN RETARD. why the **** would you leave a tv in the back of your truck in chester?

cancel the ****in magazines..NOW.

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

Why do you want me to cancel the magazines? It is a great magazine and I got you a great deal for it. You won't find it cheaper anywhere else. Also, to put it frankly, if you were going to buy a Westinghouse plasma TV from me without even looking at it, then it is clear you still have a lot to learn about plasma TVs. Reading this magazine will make you an expert in no time.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

you ****in asshole i dont want to pay for some stupid magazine! i just want a goddamn tv. who the **** would want to read a ****in weekly magazine about tvs?! cancel it right now. im serious

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

I'm sorry you feel that way about the magazine. I was just trying to help. Unfortunately I cannot cancel the magazine. When I signed you up on the phone, they gave me a confirmation number I could use to cancel the subscription. I couldn't find a piece of paper to write it on, so I wrote the number on a napkin. I think I accidentally used the napkin to wipe my face after eating wings last night, and then threw it out. I'd look through the trash to find it for you, but the garbage truck already picked it up this morning. I think they take it to the dump/recycling center in Media if you want to go look for it. It was a napkin from Taco Bell, if that helps. I usually get all my napkins there.

If you think it would be easier, you could just cancel it once you get your first magazine in the mail. You'll probably be billed for the first month, plus a $75 cancellation fee because I didn't sign you up for cancellation insurance. I just assumed you would want to keep the magazine.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

i cant believe i just read all that shit because i should have known from the first few lines that you were a ****in idiot

i dont care if you have to blow the ****in editor, you better find a way to get it cancelled because i am not spending a goddamn nickel on that magazine!

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

If you don't pay for it, that may screw up your credit. I remember one time I forgot to pay my TV guide subscription for about 14 months, and that really messed up my credit. I had trouble buying a house because of that. You should be careful.

Since you seem to not know a lot about the importance of your credit, I signed you up for a year subscription of In Debt Weekly, a great magazine that can teach you a lot about credit. Don't worry, I got you the same discount as before, and this magazine is actually a little bit cheaper. It is only $34.99 a year. It came with a discounted subscription to Card Times, another magazine about credit cards. That one is only $25 per year, so I signed you up for that as well. It is a decent magazine for the price.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

GL4KJHSGSKFKJS YOU ****ING ASSHOLE STOP SIGNING ME UP FOR ****ING MAGAZINES!!!! LMAO

CANCEL THOSE RIGHT NOW MOTHER****ER!!!!

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

There is no need for that kind of language. Please do not talk to me anymore.

Unless you would be interested in a subscription to Anger Management Journal. I can sign you up for that if you want to learn how to control your temper.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

**** YOU

Mr. Flopnuts
09-13-2012, 03:12 PM
anyone besides me gonna make a fake email account to fuck with people?

I tried to do it on this site to another user earlier today.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=263593

Huffmeister
09-13-2012, 03:21 PM
Even if they're all made up, they are still hilarious reads. There's something very Demonpenz-esque about them. I wonder if penz has any cousins in Philly.

Bump
09-13-2012, 03:50 PM
I got one going now, she replies fast, still a work in progress. I am the one and only, Jessica Barfield. Brunette and loves to work a deal on craigslist.

original post



http://boston.craigslist.org/sob/ele/3269900518.html

me

Hello,

I came across your ad on craiglist for the TV for sale. That looks like something I might be interested in. How old is it? Does the VCR on top come with it?

Thanks,

Jessica

her

I bought it from bestbuy 5 years ago. Still works like new. The VCR isnt included no.
let me know if you're still interested

me

Yes, I'm still interested. But without the remote, I feel like the VCR would be a good substitute. You can keep the movie that is in it though. I have a wide collection of VCR films and my VCR recently broke. But $40 is a little steep for a 5 year old Sanyo TV. So what do you think about $20 for the TV + VCR combo?

Thanks,

Jessica

her

the vcr isnt for sale. its my daughters. a universal remote works fine with the tv. i've tried it with one just to check.
i've researched the prices on the same tv online and 40 is below the normal listing price.

me

So you do have a remote for it? Why exclude it?

People can ask whatever price they want, what matter is what people are willing to pay. So without the VCR that was included in the picture, how about throw in the universal remote you mentioned and l think $10 is reasonable for the TV + universal remote.

What do you think? Do we have a deal?

Also, I don't have a car, would you be willing to drop it off at my job in Dedham?

Thanks,

Jessica

her

The universal remote is being used with my other tv. This is the tv that im getting rid of because i bought a bigger tv. Just the remote was 20$ when i bought it 2 weeks ago.
I listed the tv at 40$ if you're not interested in the tv for the price posted or even a reasonable lower price than that is fine. the listing has been up for less than an hour.

me

I think we can work a deal. What type of TV is your other TV? Perhaps I'd be more interested in that for $40. Can you send a pic of it?

her

Other TV isnt for sale. are you ****ing joking?

me

I never joke when it cums to doing business. I'm still interested in the Sanyo. What type of shows or movies have been watched on it

her

thats funny, i only watch it when i WANT to cum. preferably threesomes with huge black dudes. tv's been thoroughly 'used'. for 80 dollars i'll include a pair on fundawears. we got a deal?

me

did you know that I am a Jehovah Witness? It matters a lot to me what type of shows have been watched. In my religion you may not watch a TV that has been riddled with sin, such as the pornography you have mentioned. I don't know if you were joking or not, but I am seriously offended right now. I thought we were going to make a deal.

Perhaps you should consider your daughter that you mentioned. What will she think if she finds out her mother likes to have threesomes with black dudes? You need some serious help.

If you are not serious about selling, please don't waste people's time posting on craigslist.

But if you were joking and the TV has not been contaminated with sin, I would still be interested in it if you include an apology.

her:

tv is 40dollars. if you want it then let me know. if not. then stop emailing.

me:

If you would have apologized, I would have had two, twenty dollar bills ready for you for that Sanyo. But since not, I don't.
Good day Sir

Huffmeister
09-13-2012, 04:20 PM
I got one going now, she replies fast, still a work in progress. I am the one and only, Jessica Barfield. Brunette and loves to work a deal on craigslist.

Shouldn't it be funny or humorous in some way?

Bump
09-13-2012, 04:28 PM
Shouldn't it be funny or humorous in some way?

it's getting there, it's updated. She knows I'm fucking with her now. But a pretty good reaction at the end.

Luke Warm
09-13-2012, 05:45 PM
I got one going now, she replies fast, still a work in progress. I am the one and only, Jessica Barfield. Brunette and loves to work a deal on craigslist.

original post



http://boston.craigslist.org/sob/ele/3269900518.html

me

Hello,

I came across your ad on craiglist for the TV for sale. That looks like something I might be interested in. How old is it? Does the VCR on top come with it?

Thanks,

Jessica

her

I bought it from bestbuy 5 years ago. Still works like new. The VCR isnt included no.
let me know if you're still interested

me

Yes, I'm still interested. But without the remote, I feel like the VCR would be a good substitute. You can keep the movie that is in it though. I have a wide collection of VCR films and my VCR recently broke. But $40 is a little steep for a 5 year old Sanyo TV. So what do you think about $20 for the TV + VCR combo?

Thanks,

Jessica

her

the vcr isnt for sale. its my daughters. a universal remote works fine with the tv. i've tried it with one just to check.
i've researched the prices on the same tv online and 40 is below the normal listing price.

me

So you do have a remote for it? Why exclude it?

People can ask whatever price they want, what matter is what people are willing to pay. So without the VCR that was included in the picture, how about throw in the universal remote you mentioned and l think $10 is reasonable for the TV + universal remote.

What do you think? Do we have a deal?

Also, I don't have a car, would you be willing to drop it off at my job in Dedham?

Thanks,

Jessica

her

The universal remote is being used with my other tv. This is the tv that im getting rid of because i bought a bigger tv. Just the remote was 20$ when i bought it 2 weeks ago.
I listed the tv at 40$ if you're not interested in the tv for the price posted or even a reasonable lower price than that is fine. the listing has been up for less than an hour.

me

I think we can work a deal. What type of TV is your other TV? Perhaps I'd be more interested in that for $40. Can you send a pic of it?

her

Other TV isnt for sale. are you ****ing joking?

me

I never joke when it cums to doing business. I'm still interested in the Sanyo. What type of shows or movies have been watched on it

her

thats funny, i only watch it when i WANT to cum. preferably threesomes with huge black dudes. tv's been thoroughly 'used'. for 80 dollars i'll include a pair on fundawears. we got a deal?

me

did you know that I am a Jehovah Witness? It matters a lot to me what type of shows have been watched. In my religion you may not watch a TV that has been riddled with sin, such as the pornography you have mentioned. I don't know if you were joking or not, but I am seriously offended right now. I thought we were going to make a deal.

Perhaps you should consider your daughter that you mentioned. What will she think if she finds out her mother likes to have threesomes with black dudes? You need some serious help.

If you are not serious about selling, please don't waste people's time posting on craigslist.

But if you were joking and the TV has not been contaminated with sin, I would still be interested in it if you include an apology.

LMAO ... Not bad at all for your first one. I'm definitely gonna give this a whirl soon. When I do ill post it.

L.A. Chieffan
09-13-2012, 06:34 PM
Ahh the pic of the tequila bottle in the crib was too much. People are staring at me

Bump
09-13-2012, 07:03 PM
I'm grabbing this guy by the horns

Still going...

Ad:
http://boston.craigslist.org/nos/for/3258031625.html
me:

Hello,
I came across your ad on facebook. I'm interested in this piece, would
like to know a little bit more before I make a purchasing decision. Has it
sold yet?
Thanks, Jessica

him:

Still have it, you want to come look at it
me:

Mostly I would like to know of it's origins. See I am a historic art appraiser and believe it or not, the type of bull that it comes from matters a lot when determining a value. Do you know anything about it's history?

him:

I don't know history. Sorry
feel free to tell me what you think i have.
thanks

me:

That's ok, I can tell easily from the photo that it is the skull from a Corriente Bull, this bull originates from Spain and is a less aggressive bull, which makes them great for amatuer rodeo's. This skull is a highly desired piece because of it's rarity in the United States. If you tried to sell this in Texas, you could get a lot more than what you are asking.

Now I could have easily purchased it from you for your asking price, but I wouldn't feel right about it. I would like to offer to help you sell it at auction. I take 20% commission on the sale price.
Let me know if you are interested.

Thank You, Jessica Barfield

him:

how much do you think it would sell for?

me:

Back in the Civil War, spainards helped the USA by providing us with Cattle to feed the troops. The Corriente Bull was brought over here, only 20 of them! Since then, all that remains in the US for Corrienthian bulls are ancestors of those Civil War bulls. Anything tied to the Civil War increases value.
The skull you have is highly desired. You will never see the skull of a Corrienthian bull on display in Spain, they burry the bull when it dies, it's something that they would never do because they take great pride in their bulls, running with the bulls is what they are famous for!

You don't see Corrienthian bull skulls often, they are very rare. If I advertise this for you at an auction, this would attract all types of collectors such as rodeo and civil war collectors. 20 years ago, a Corrienthian bull skull sold at auction for $11,250. Now that was back then, the economy was much better and people had more disposable income. Now, I don't think it would get quite that much. But I think it could get close to $7,500. But you never know! If you could get 3 or 4 bidders, the sky is the limit!

Selling at auctions isn't easy, people who would buy this have to know about it. That's where I come in, I've been in this business with my father ever since I graduated high school and I showed him this find and he got mad at me because I didn't just buy it for your asking price, lol. I could help you sell this. 20% commission is what I ask.

I hope you are interested!

him:

Whats your business name and do you have a store? I wouldn't mind meeting you and seeing how the whole process works.
thanks

me:

My father and I work out of our house, we are successful with what we do. But we live on a ranch and have operate out of our home, my father has always ran his business this way. The name of our business for tax purposes is Barfield Auction Hunter, llc. We don't even have a website, I'm still trying to convince him that a website is a good idea but he's very old-school.
I would definitely like to arrange a meeting, but since this is craigslist I ask for a public place.

Are you able to get to downtown Boston? Jacques Cabaret on Broadway is my favorite place to do business, it's elegant. My treat of course.
Sincerely,

Jessica

him:

I can go to where ever you want to go but I prefer to do all business transactions in private, so i suggest your place. I feel that if we are attracted to one another why not mix business with pleasure. I'm not concerned about your father as you said he old school, that just tells me that he willing to seal any way possible. I will need to bring my driver with me as I don't drive, and I will need for you to front me some cash or a check to pay for gas and tolls over to you, as you were going to pay dinner anyway I'm sure you wont have a problem with it.

Whats the matter Bump!!! Can't respond back when the joke is on you!! I knew it was you as I am a member of chiefs planet too.... So, I guess in the long run your the one who got punked!!!! I guess your a sore loser.... HA ha ha



ROFL I'm guessing one of you guys emailed him? nice move, touche.

CoMoChief
09-13-2012, 07:09 PM
I'm grabbing this guy by the horns

Still going...

Ad:
http://boston.craigslist.org/nos/for/3258031625.html
me:

Hello,
I came across your ad on facebook. I'm interested in this piece, would
like to know a little bit more before I make a purchasing decision. Has it
sold yet?
Thanks, Jessica

him:

Still have it, you want to come look at it
me:

Mostly I would like to know of it's origins. See I am a historic art appraiser and believe it or not, the type of bull that it comes from matters a lot when determining a value. Do you know anything about it's history?

him:

I don't know history. Sorry
feel free to tell me what you think i have.
thanks

me:

That's ok, I can tell easily from the photo that it is the skull from a Corriente Bull, this bull originates from Spain and is a less aggressive bull, which makes them great for amatuer rodeo's. This skull is a highly desired piece because of it's rarity in the United States. If you tried to sell this in Texas, you could get a lot more than what you are asking.

Now I could have easily purchased it from you for your asking price, but I wouldn't feel right about it. I would like to offer to help you sell it at auction. I take 20% commission on the sale price.
Let me know if you are interested.

Thank You, Jessica Barfield

him:

how much do you think it would sell for?

me:

Back in the Civil War, spainards helped the USA by providing us with Cattle to feed the troops. The Corriente Bull was brought over here, only 20 of them! Since then, all that remains in the US for Corrienthian bulls are ancestors of those Civil War bulls. Anything tied to the Civil War increases value.
The skull you have is highly desired. You will never see the skull of a Corrienthian bull on display in Spain, they burry the bull when it dies, it's something that they would never do because they take great pride in their bulls, running with the bulls is what they are famous for!

You don't see Corrienthian bull skulls often, they are very rare. If I advertise this for you at an auction, this would attract all types of collectors such as rodeo and civil war collectors. 20 years ago, a Corrienthian bull skull sold at auction for $11,250. Now that was back then, the economy was much better and people had more disposable income. Now, I don't think it would get quite that much. But I think it could get close to $7,500. But you never know! If you could get 3 or 4 bidders, the sky is the limit!

Selling at auctions isn't easy, people who would buy this have to know about it. That's where I come in, I've been in this business with my father ever since I graduated high school and I showed him this find and he got mad at me because I didn't just buy it for your asking price, lol. I could help you sell this. 20% commission is what I ask.

I hope you are interested!

him:

Whats your business name and do you have a store? I wouldn't mind meeting you and seeing how the whole process works.
thanks

me:

My father and I work out of our house, we are successful with what we do. But we live on a ranch and have operate out of our home, my father has always ran his business this way. The name of our business for tax purposes is Barfield Auction Hunter, llc. We don't even have a website, I'm still trying to convince him that a website is a good idea but he's very old-school.
I would definitely like to arrange a meeting, but since this is craigslist I ask for a public place.

Are you able to get to downtown Boston? Jacques Cabaret on Broadway is my favorite place to do business, it's elegant. My treat of course.
Sincerely,

Jessica

niiiiiiiiiiiice LMAO

Bump
09-13-2012, 07:24 PM
I think I need a guy and a girl for email, the one with the bull skull would have been better if he thought I was a dude.

KChiefer
09-13-2012, 07:37 PM
Nice!

Reminds me of 27bslash6.com

If you've never been there, I highly recommend it.

KCtotheSB
09-13-2012, 07:37 PM
Thank you for directing me to this site. I remember seeing the "gun" emails...but oh man, I didn't know there were more!!!

mdchiefsfan
09-13-2012, 08:26 PM
I'm grabbing this guy by the horns

Still going...

Ad:
http://boston.craigslist.org/nos/for/3258031625.html
me:

Hello,
I came across your ad on facebook. I'm interested in this piece, would
like to know a little bit more before I make a purchasing decision. Has it
sold yet?
Thanks, Jessica

him:

Still have it, you want to come look at it
me:

Mostly I would like to know of it's origins. See I am a historic art appraiser and believe it or not, the type of bull that it comes from matters a lot when determining a value. Do you know anything about it's history?

him:

I don't know history. Sorry
feel free to tell me what you think i have.
thanks

me:

That's ok, I can tell easily from the photo that it is the skull from a Corriente Bull, this bull originates from Spain and is a less aggressive bull, which makes them great for amatuer rodeo's. This skull is a highly desired piece because of it's rarity in the United States. If you tried to sell this in Texas, you could get a lot more than what you are asking.

Now I could have easily purchased it from you for your asking price, but I wouldn't feel right about it. I would like to offer to help you sell it at auction. I take 20% commission on the sale price.
Let me know if you are interested.

Thank You, Jessica Barfield

him:

how much do you think it would sell for?

me:

Back in the Civil War, spainards helped the USA by providing us with Cattle to feed the troops. The Corriente Bull was brought over here, only 20 of them! Since then, all that remains in the US for Corrienthian bulls are ancestors of those Civil War bulls. Anything tied to the Civil War increases value.
The skull you have is highly desired. You will never see the skull of a Corrienthian bull on display in Spain, they burry the bull when it dies, it's something that they would never do because they take great pride in their bulls, running with the bulls is what they are famous for!

You don't see Corrienthian bull skulls often, they are very rare. If I advertise this for you at an auction, this would attract all types of collectors such as rodeo and civil war collectors. 20 years ago, a Corrienthian bull skull sold at auction for $11,250. Now that was back then, the economy was much better and people had more disposable income. Now, I don't think it would get quite that much. But I think it could get close to $7,500. But you never know! If you could get 3 or 4 bidders, the sky is the limit!

Selling at auctions isn't easy, people who would buy this have to know about it. That's where I come in, I've been in this business with my father ever since I graduated high school and I showed him this find and he got mad at me because I didn't just buy it for your asking price, lol. I could help you sell this. 20% commission is what I ask.

I hope you are interested!

him:

Whats your business name and do you have a store? I wouldn't mind meeting you and seeing how the whole process works.
thanks

me:

My father and I work out of our house, we are successful with what we do. But we live on a ranch and have operate out of our home, my father has always ran his business this way. The name of our business for tax purposes is Barfield Auction Hunter, llc. We don't even have a website, I'm still trying to convince him that a website is a good idea but he's very old-school.
I would definitely like to arrange a meeting, but since this is craigslist I ask for a public place.

Are you able to get to downtown Boston? Jacques Cabaret on Broadway is my favorite place to do business, it's elegant. My treat of course.
Sincerely,

Jessica

This has potential

Lumpy
09-13-2012, 08:36 PM
ROFL

I have no doubt that I got punk'd on Craigslist a few years back. This guy listed a large flat panel tv on there and I sent him a reply, (I don't remember what brand/size the tv was, but it was stupid cheap). Anyway, he replied back w/ a phone number so I could call him and we could work out the pick-up. I called him and he told me that him and his buddy were just moving the tv out of his living room and his buddy dropped it. I said something along the lines of, "are you ****ing kidding me... well, that sucks". He went on to tell me that the entire screen was smashed in and that he was truly sorry.

If it was indeed a joke, that shit was not funny. :harumph:

Bump
09-14-2012, 09:43 AM
"Whats the matter Bump!!! Can't respond back when the joke is on you!! I knew it was you as I am a member of chiefs planet too.... So, I guess in the long run your the one who got punked!!!! I guess your a sore loser.... HA ha ha"


this is the last email I got from the guy about the bull skull. Who emailed him? lol, but nice move hahaha

jwazzie
09-14-2012, 09:56 AM
I haven't laughed that hard in so long, that is some good stuff!

Bump
09-14-2012, 07:51 PM
This one had such great potential!!! But she's freaked out I think, not hearing back


The Baby Casket

The Ad:

http://boston.craigslist.org/nwb/atq/3252385689.html

me:

Hello,
I see your ad on craigslist and I'm very interested in that baby casket. Is it still for sale?

her:

This is a doll cradle and it is still available
Carol

me:

oh, my apologies. I'm glad to hear it's still available!
How long is the cradle? 3 feet at least? I think that would do.
Do you know how old it is?

her:

It was my sisters as a kid and she in late 40s I will have my hubby measure it when we get back home

me:

ok thank you very much!
It looks about 2-3 feet from the picture, hard to be sure. Not a deal breaker if it's not.
So what type of dolls were used previously in this casket?

him:

nope its 20" as it is for dolls
sorry thanks for inquiring
Brian

me:

20" is ok with me. I would just need to add some bedding to it, which would probably run me $20 or so. Would you be willing to go down to $10?

Luke Warm
09-14-2012, 08:46 PM
Baby casket ROFL

Chief_For_Life58
09-14-2012, 08:49 PM
I read his responses in my best Kim Jong il Team America voice.

this. hahahhahaha. Try numba 16! Very derlishus!

Bump
09-15-2012, 04:33 PM
This is way more fun than I thought it would be.

I need better reactions out of people, I think it's a numbers game. Most just stop replying altogether once it gets weird.

But I hope this lady emails me back, but I don't think she will.

Swallow my Cat

She was trying to sell this cat thing for $20

http://i1106.photobucket.com/albums/h361/Bump4/Craigslist/Swallowmycat-1.jpg

me:

Hello,
I came across your ad for the cat house. That is something really cool man. It's like a fish that swallows the cat, woah.

Where did you get that?

her:

Purchased in Palm Beach at pet store. Where are you located?

me:

I'm located in Waltham, what about you? where are you located?

her:

I am in Weston, next town over.

me:

oh cool, so what type of cat used to sleep in it? I have a bengal, she's a small little one. Looks like a nice spot for her. Can the mouth of that, what is it, a fish? Can the mouth close?

her:

The mouth doesn't close. The house is a leopard print with a big mouth as the opening. It's a cat with cat-fish resemblance b/c of the mouth.

I have a Coon cat who prefers the bed. He's too big now. I got the house when I was in Florida, but the cat just looked at it.

It's adorable, good for a smaller cat who like to sleep in cozy places. Decorative for the house, different

me:

From the looks of it, I could easily sew a zipper on the mouth so it can close. About how big is it exactly? would you say about 1.5 feet long? I'm sure I could put my cat in there and close the mouth with the zipper that I will install on it.

Would you consider doing $10 on it?

her:

NO

me:

What about $15? I really like it and I think it would be perfect for what I'm trying to do.
Thanks

Bump
09-15-2012, 08:14 PM
lol I got one lady to increase her price from $75 to $275 haha and I got a guy to draw a picture for me on the etch a sketch he was trying to sell for $5 haha, I'll have those printed when they are done.

Luke Warm
09-15-2012, 08:23 PM
lol I got one lady to increase her price from $75 to $275 haha and I got a guy to draw a picture for me on the etch a sketch he was trying to sell for $5 haha, I'll have those printed when they are done.

You're getting good lol.

beach tribe
09-15-2012, 11:02 PM
Ok, one more LMAO gun lovers will enjoy this...

Was looking for this to posts as a response. Had no idea it was the same guy. funny stuff. It's about 5 years older or more I believe though. Still funny.