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gblowfish
09-27-2012, 12:35 PM
Science at its most compassionate!

http://tinyurl.com/c2j7j37

When it comes to sperm donation, these scientists are trying to give you a hand.

Researchers at Zhengzhou Central Hospital in China have created a device that helps men retrieve semen without lifting a finger.

The hands-free sperm donation machine, called a "sperm extractor," has an adaptable massager that adjusts to the height of the donor's pelvis and allows the user to manipulate the temperature, amplitude, frequency and speed, the Times Of India reported.

The machine also has a display screen and a surround sound system, presumably to help the man focus on his job without distraction.

Zhu Guoxin, director of the urology department at the Zhengzhou Central Hospital, said the extractor can be used for donation, but it's mostly likely going to be handed down to men with infertility issues.

"When a male infertility patient comes for treatment, we must first fully inspect the sperm which requires sperm extraction," he said, according to MedicalDaily.com. "This machine is only recommended for patients that had difficulty retrieving sperm."

He also stressed that anyone using the machine must use a condom and that lubricant and chemicals on condoms can affect the accuracy of the test results.

The hands-free goo-getting gadget is currently only at Zhengzhou Central Hospital, but could be coming to a fertility clinic near you soon, according to the Daily Mail, which reports that one website is already selling models of the machine for $2,800. The website is promoting it stating, "It can give patients very comfortable feeling."

tooge
09-27-2012, 12:39 PM
finally, a replacement for women. Now they just need to make it able to dispense beer.

gblowfish
09-27-2012, 12:44 PM
I think I know what I want for Christmas....

kepp
09-27-2012, 01:04 PM
It's like a fleshlight ATM machine

DaFace
09-27-2012, 01:08 PM
I need to buy stock in this company. Now.

vailpass
09-27-2012, 01:16 PM
TTIWWP

Chief Gump
09-27-2012, 01:23 PM
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTFVqbFl8XBrsGrw0_dW77D714oIXH_2va1FPLshGacFxyVBrSd70Q9rliw

Frosty
09-27-2012, 01:29 PM
He also stressed that anyone using the machine must use a condom and that lubricant and chemicals on condoms can affect the accuracy of the test results.

This sort of implies that the relevant parts are reusable.

Umm.... ewww?

Chest Rockwell
09-27-2012, 01:38 PM
This sort of implies that the relevant parts are reusable.

Umm.... ewww?

Wrap it up when you visit the nut hut kids.

Also, surround sound. LMAO

seclark
09-27-2012, 01:48 PM
you and your buddies could have a gang-bang w/one of these. just remember the default setting is to stop at 2quarts:eek:

KILLER_CLOWN
09-27-2012, 01:51 PM
<iframe width="854" height="510" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QMlIItNjm3c" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

kaplin42
09-27-2012, 02:21 PM
This sort of implies that the relevant parts are reusable.

Umm.... ewww?

This was my first thought.

I would totally be thinking "did they sterilize this machine? How many have gone before me? If I black lighted this machine would there just be boy butter all over it?"

And that would be the end of me trying to donate.

BigMeatballDave
09-27-2012, 02:32 PM
This was my first thought.

I would totally be thinking "did they sterilize this machine? How many have gone before me? If I black lighted this machine would there just be boy butter all over it?"

And that would be the end of me trying to donate.

This sort of implies that the relevant parts are reusable.

Umm.... ewww?

So, you guys have never had unprotected sex with any woman?

:)

the Talking Can
09-27-2012, 02:32 PM
http://gifsoup.com/view/151962/robot1-o.gif

kaplin42
09-27-2012, 02:42 PM
So, you guys have never had unprotected sex with any woman?

:)

Not quite the same. I wasn't the 8th guy that day.

Frosty
09-27-2012, 02:55 PM
Not quite the same. I wasn't the 8th guy that day.

You hope, anyway.

BigMeatballDave
09-27-2012, 03:00 PM
I wasn't the 8th guy that day.
You hope, anyway.LMAO

Rain Man
09-27-2012, 03:04 PM
It seems like there's an alternative market for this beyond hospitals. Just a hunch.

Nixhex
09-27-2012, 03:11 PM
I'd be scared it would malfunction and go all Lorena Bobbit on me.

Sofa King
09-27-2012, 03:16 PM
http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/2rcbk286884022.gif?w=300&h=224

gblowfish
09-27-2012, 03:21 PM
This was my first thought.

I would totally be thinking "did they sterilize this machine? How many have gone before me? If I black lighted this machine would there just be boy butter all over it?"

And that would be the end of me trying to donate.

You can ask the same question with any bar slut you take home at 2am....

kepp
09-27-2012, 03:31 PM
I'd be scared it would malfunction and go all Lorena Bobbit on me.

"Dave...What are you doing, Dave? I'm afraid I cannot allow you to continue."

Molitoth
09-27-2012, 06:42 PM
I'd PIIHB.

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/784903/thumbs/s-HANDSFREE-SPERM-DONATION-large.jpg