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View Full Version : Life Good way to scare/piss off your wife.


Holladay
10-22-2012, 03:06 PM
The wife and I were down in the man-cave watching "The Bobby Jones Story" (btw great flick bout a golf icon). Alcohol was involved. She with wine and me with whiskey/coke.

I'd had 2-3 tumblers. Getting a nice buzz, not drunk. I took a big pull....and the dang first bit went down the wrong tube:) So here I sit, a mouth full of booze, trying and swallow, trying to cough. The swallowing thingie didn't work.

So now I'm spraying, in spurts (still trying to do the swallow thingie), hosing down the basement. The pressure is building as I stop the futile swallow thingie, instead try to just hold it in. I remember getting/pole vaulting up trying to get to the sink, and that's it.

Next thing I remember is relishing how cold tile is and the wife's voice, seemingly coming from a tunnel, shouting "Are you O.K.". And she keeps repeating it like I can't @$%! hear her. Then her face comes into focus 2" from my nose.

I was fine. She said I took a header into the fish tank cabinet. I guess what happened, with all that pressure building, there was no O2 getting to the brain and I passed out. Like you did when you were a kid; hold your breath until your face turns red and pass out. Well I guess I did that with a mouthful of whiskey.

I felt like a cat, when it lands wrong, then looks around to see if anyone saw the faux pas. The wife looked at my head, expecting a bloody mess. I told her again I was fine. I cleaned up the mess and finished the movie.

I didn't tell her about the golf ball sized lump on the BACK of my head on the Knowledge Knot (that bump on the base of the skull right above your spine).

So is there anyone here who can swallow and cough at the same time? Or can't hold their whiskey:evil:

tooge
10-22-2012, 03:09 PM
tits or gtfo

Inmem58
10-22-2012, 03:10 PM
tits or gtfo

/thread

Pestilence
10-22-2012, 03:15 PM
So what I gathered from your story is that you're a spitter and not a swallower.

frankotank
10-22-2012, 03:25 PM
My wife doesn't have piss on her....so that just wouldn't work on her.

Holladay
10-22-2012, 03:27 PM
squiter

Dr. Facebook Fever
10-22-2012, 03:35 PM
Blame Pioli

KChiefer
10-22-2012, 04:00 PM
Almost killing yourself with one glass of booze is a good way to scare her for sure.

Drinking 10 more of them is the better way to piss her off. Best way though...dutch oven the morning after those drinks.

CoMoChief
10-22-2012, 04:04 PM
So you almost drowned choking on whiskey? LOL

theelusiveeightrop
10-22-2012, 04:08 PM
Almost killing yourself with one glass of booze is a good way to scare her for sure.

Drinking 10 more of them is the better way to piss her off. Best way though...dutch oven the morning after those drinks.

Dutch oven always wins big points in the bedroom.

BigRedChief
10-22-2012, 04:08 PM
tits or gtforep

Flachief58
10-22-2012, 04:09 PM
Next time, lean forward to keep any more from being drawn down the wind pipe & cough through your nose. Either that or sacrifice the drink and spit in the cup.

rageeumr
10-22-2012, 04:09 PM
I don't know why I opened this thread. There are a lot of things I lack in life, but finding ways to piss off my wife is not one of them.

Hog Farmer
10-22-2012, 04:53 PM
Damn, that was funny , I almost choked on my fucking beer!

ChiefaRoo
10-22-2012, 04:55 PM
So your like George Bush only without the pretzel.

WV
10-22-2012, 04:57 PM
Let's get to the important stuff....did you get any sympathy sex? I mean you could have died!

Inmem58
10-22-2012, 05:00 PM
Let's get to the important stuff....did you get any sympathy sex? I mean you could have died!

This thread just got more interesting.

Flachief58
10-22-2012, 05:01 PM
Let's get to the important stuff....did you get any sympathy sex? I mean you could have died!

This and pics/video or it did'nt happen

BryanBusby
10-22-2012, 05:01 PM
Did she at least suck your dick?

Flachief58
10-22-2012, 05:03 PM
Did she at least suck your dick?

See post #18

scho63
10-22-2012, 05:12 PM
The wife and I were down in the man-cave watching "The Bobby Jones Story" (btw great flick bout a golf icon). Alcohol was involved. She with wine and me with whiskey/coke.


I read this several times visualizing this whole event and it makes me crack the hell up. Wish there was a video......

ROFL

Bump
10-22-2012, 05:55 PM
why wouldnt you just spit it out? WTF dude? I've been there, spit it back into your drink and then poor a new one.

Why would you keep it in your mouth till you pass out? That just seems stupid as fuck to me.

Death2CasselFans
10-22-2012, 06:16 PM
So your the Matt Cassel of drinking alchohol?

Rain Man
10-22-2012, 06:19 PM
why wouldnt you just spit it out? WTF dude? I've been there, spit it back into your drink and then poor a new one.

Why would you keep it in your mouth till you pass out? That just seems stupid as **** to me.

I think if you're choking you can't get the control to spit it. Maybe you could let it fall out or something, but even that's hard.

I've had a similar thing happen a couple of times, though not to the point of passing out, and it's scary as heck when it's happening. You're trying to breathe and you can't. It's kind of a phobia of mine after having experienced it.

Bump
10-22-2012, 06:23 PM
I think if you're choking you can't get the control to spit it. Maybe you could let it fall out or something, but even that's hard.

I've had a similar thing happen a couple of times, though not to the point of passing out, and it's scary as heck when it's happening. You're trying to breathe and you can't. It's kind of a phobia of mine after having experienced it.

hmmm, I've never choked on a drink. Wouldn't know I guess...

Holladay
10-22-2012, 06:29 PM
Why would you keep it in your mouth till you pass out? That just seems stupid as **** to me.


In the heat of battle, the synapsis don't fire all that well. And in the past, was able to man up and swallow then cough. But not a WHOLE freaking pull. Besides, don't know if I would have been able to calmly dribble out the booze. I was Mt Vesuvius. It would have ricocheted into a 3/4 full tumbler. She was laying on the cough, while I was sitting with her legs in my lap...with blankets. If I HAD attempted, scratch: 1 x blanket, 1 x couch cushions, 2 x pants(both), 1 x underwear(mine), 1 x shirt(mine), 1 x socks(hers), prolly 1 x tumbler.

I read this several times visualizing this whole event and it makes me crack the hell up. Wish there was a video......


Dude you and me both. Rapid fire spurts, bulging eyes, ballooned cheeks, lunging leap, THWAAK (head hitting cabinet), birds chirping. Would have to blur out my face thou. I can do the walk of shame in front of my wife....

As to the "Pity F@%K", I should have played that up more. I was just trying to down play it as much as possible. I mean...don't take a mans (boy prolly in my case) whiskey away. And btw, I'll remember that for next time.

Holladay
10-22-2012, 06:35 PM
You're trying to breathe and you can't.

Who said anything about breathing? That was the last thing on my mind. It was fight (swallow) or flight (running to sink).

hmmm, I've never choked on a drink. Wouldn't know I guess...

You've never had a soda go down the wrong tube? Food is one thing...you go pick up the piece of chicken. Liquids perform differently.

Dayze
10-22-2012, 07:08 PM
lol. this threat is awesome.

Hollady nearly dies and CP dives in at its' finest.

Fish
10-22-2012, 07:18 PM
Your wife might be trying to kill you. Have you checked the antifreeze bottle?

Lumpy
10-22-2012, 08:08 PM
You would not make it in prison.

Holladay
10-23-2012, 12:26 PM
Understood. I can't control my gag reflex.

tooge
10-23-2012, 01:02 PM
Understood. I can't control my gag reflex.

but can your wife? that is all that really matters here.

ForeverChiefs58
10-23-2012, 02:30 PM
I thought this was going to be this prank
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Uxggi47Cq68" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

penguinz
10-23-2012, 02:35 PM
Getting a nice buzz, not drunk.
Only someone that was beyond buzzed would almost kill themselves instead of spitting out their drink. ;)

Holladay
10-23-2012, 03:22 PM
well, I was spitting it out. ALL OVER THE ROOM.

Last night with my wits about me, I capitalized on the pity sex:)

shitgoose
10-23-2012, 05:38 PM
If you really want to piss you wife off you should unsuspectingly pour a large glass of ice cold water on her while she is taking a hot shower, preferably on a Monday morning before work.

Sully
10-23-2012, 06:44 PM
I think I posted a little about this a few years back, but over the past few years, if I have a coughing fit, I literally black out for a few short seconds. It's only happened about 4 or 5 times, and I only black out for a very short period of time... Except...
At the beginning of the summer, I was out to eat with my wife. We had finished eating, and were chatting, and suddenly I felt a coughing fit coming. I remember saying out loud, "No, not this again," and I apparently passed out for over a minute.
My wife ran around the table and caught me from falling, and said I wasn't breathing at all.
As I came to, I remember having this overwhelming feeling of being bear hugged too tight, and started yelling, "No! Stop!!!" At the top of my lungs. Came to. Immediately realized what had happened, and started apologizing to the entire restaurant. Asked to be helped to the bathroom, and proceeded to puke and heave for 5 minutes.
Had to go on an ambulance after that, but, as I was without insurance at the time, declined to go to the hospital.

Yes... Scared the hell out of my wife (and me, as well, to be honest).

stevieray
10-23-2012, 06:45 PM
wake up?

Simply Red
10-23-2012, 08:10 PM
The wife and I were down in the man-cave watching "The Bobby Jones Story" (btw great flick bout a golf icon). Alcohol was involved. She with wine and me with whiskey/coke.

I'd had 2-3 tumblers. Getting a nice buzz, not drunk. I took a big pull....and the dang first bit went down the wrong tube:) So here I sit, a mouth full of booze, trying and swallow, trying to cough. The swallowing thingie didn't work.

So now I'm spraying, in spurts (still trying to do the swallow thingie), hosing down the basement. The pressure is building as I stop the futile swallow thingie, instead try to just hold it in. I remember getting/pole vaulting up trying to get to the sink, and that's it.

Next thing I remember is relishing how cold tile is and the wife's voice, seemingly coming from a tunnel, shouting "Are you O.K.". And she keeps repeating it like I can't @$%! hear her. Then her face comes into focus 2" from my nose.

I was fine. She said I took a header into the fish tank cabinet. I guess what happened, with all that pressure building, there was no O2 getting to the brain and I passed out. Like you did when you were a kid; hold your breath until your face turns red and pass out. Well I guess I did that with a mouthful of whiskey.

I felt like a cat, when it lands wrong, then looks around to see if anyone saw the faux pas. The wife looked at my head, expecting a bloody mess. I told her again I was fine. I cleaned up the mess and finished the movie.

I didn't tell her about the golf ball sized lump on the BACK of my head on the Knowledge Knot (that bump on the base of the skull right above your spine).

So is there anyone here who can swallow and cough at the same time? Or can't hold their whiskey:evil:


Oh okay. PHEW! ...So she did remove your ball-gag?!

Simplicity
10-23-2012, 08:18 PM
Soooo...... What's the point of this?

Holladay
10-24-2012, 12:19 PM
yikes, at least it didn't happen to me in a restraunt.

frankotank
10-25-2012, 10:17 AM
I think I posted a little about this a few years back, but over the past few years, if I have a coughing fit, I literally black out for a few short seconds. It's only happened about 4 or 5 times, and I only black out for a very short period of time... Except...
At the beginning of the summer, I was out to eat with my wife. We had finished eating, and were chatting, and suddenly I felt a coughing fit coming. I remember saying out loud, "No, not this again," and I apparently passed out for over a minute.
My wife ran around the table and caught me from falling, and said I wasn't breathing at all.
As I came to, I remember having this overwhelming feeling of being bear hugged too tight, and started yelling, "No! Stop!!!" At the top of my lungs. Came to. Immediately realized what had happened, and started apologizing to the entire restaurant. Asked to be helped to the bathroom, and proceeded to puke and heave for 5 minutes.
Had to go on an ambulance after that, but, as I was without insurance at the time, declined to go to the hospital.

Yes... Scared the hell out of my wife (and me, as well, to be honest).

OK...so you ever seen the email where you can read it but the words are jumbled? like...your brain just automatically figures it out?
well...by brain read the bolded words in a different order...

http://troll.me/images/xzibit-happy-and-sad/at-first-i-was-like-and-then-i-was-like-thumb.jpg

jallmon
10-25-2012, 10:28 AM
Don't know about the whiskey, but lift the toilet seat, put saranwrap across the toilet bowl, and lower the seat back down. THAT'LL get her pissed on and pissed off at the same time.