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View Full Version : ChiefsPlanet Who would win in a fight to the death between Simply Red and Zach?


Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:16 PM
The setting:

Small, enclosed arena with no exits. Enough room to maneuver, but not quite enough room for someone just to run away from their opponent.

The weapons:

Each contestant is armed with a heavy rubber mallet and a small flask of hydrochloric acid.

http://one04design.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/mallet2.jpg

http://anthembranding.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Burton-Rubber-Flask-02.png

The rules:

There are no rules.

A small crowd of CP spectators watches through mirrored windows.

Buck
12-08-2012, 09:16 PM
Simply Red in a blowout.

Mr_Tomahawk
12-08-2012, 09:17 PM
What's the background between these two...?

Are they lovers?

Ebolapox
12-08-2012, 09:17 PM
ROFL

Ebolapox
12-08-2012, 09:18 PM
they likely end up sucking each others' dicks, though.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:18 PM
This is the kind of mallet I am talking about if you need more details.

http://one04design.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/mallet2.jpg

something cooler
12-08-2012, 09:18 PM
Simply Red and he would then dress Zach's body up in stylish fashion.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:19 PM
A rubber flask ensures it will not be used as a weapon:

http://anthembranding.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Burton-Rubber-Flask-02.png

Bacon Cheeseburger
12-08-2012, 09:22 PM
Zach would just bore him to death.

Rain Man
12-08-2012, 09:22 PM
How small is the arena?

cdcox
12-08-2012, 09:22 PM
Hydrochloric acid is pretty wimpy as a weapon.

I'd take nitric, sulfuric, fluoric or even glacial acetic acid over hydrochloric. Kinda ruins the whole thread.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:24 PM
Hydrochloric acid is pretty wimpy as a weapon.

I'd take nitric, sulfuric, fluoric or even glacial acetic acid over hydrochloric. Kinda ruins the whole thread.

The weapon is not intended to be lethal. Think of it as more of a distraction or hindrance.

A cunning warrior would employ it well.

lewdog
12-08-2012, 09:24 PM
Zach would just bore him to death.

ROFL

Hey, did you hear about soccer..................

something cooler
12-08-2012, 09:24 PM
How small is the arena?

rainman saw this thread and got all excited.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:24 PM
How small is the arena?

Let's say it's about 12x10.

Rams Fan
12-08-2012, 09:26 PM
Is there padding or no padding in this arena?

Bacon Cheeseburger
12-08-2012, 09:27 PM
ROFL

Hey, did you hear about soccer..................
Exactly. Simply Red puts a gun to his head and pulls the trigger. Zach wins by default.

Lumpy
12-08-2012, 09:27 PM
I don't care to know what this is about, but I went w/ SR.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:28 PM
Is there padding or no padding in this arena?

The floors and walls are all constructed of wood. It's solid construction. We had Phobia do it all.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:28 PM
I don't care to know what this is about.

This is about bloodsport.

http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/1811962_o.gif

Rain Man
12-08-2012, 09:29 PM
Let's say it's about 12x10.

That's a really small arena. How big is a boxing ring? I'm not questioning you, though.

For some reason, I think Zach is bigger so he's got an advantage in a smaller ring. If it was bigger I'd go with Simply Red, but in a small ring I think Zach wins.

If Simply Red is bigger I'll change my vote.

tk13
12-08-2012, 09:29 PM
How much did we pay Phobia to construct this wooden space?

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:29 PM
Exactly. Simply Red puts a gun to his head and pulls the trigger

Simply Red has Jovan Belcher's gun, but all nine rounds have been expended.

PunkinDrublic
12-08-2012, 09:29 PM
Tap out clothing.

Rams Fan
12-08-2012, 09:30 PM
Is a cup of hot coffee in a plastic cup present?

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:30 PM
How much did we pay Phobia to construct this wooden space?

$500.

tk13
12-08-2012, 09:31 PM
Is this treated wood or untreated wood?

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:32 PM
Is a cup of hot coffee in a plastic cup present?

Yes, but it's on a perch that's about 8.87642 feet above the floor.

The coffee is decaf, and it's very hot. 1 sugar, 1 non-dairy creamer.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:32 PM
Is this treated wood or untreated wood?

It will be treated...with blood.

Rams Fan
12-08-2012, 09:33 PM
What about the roof? What is the shape of it? Is it supported well?

KCUnited
12-08-2012, 09:33 PM
$500.

Just materials, or labor + materials?

Shogun
12-08-2012, 09:34 PM
What kind of nails used to construct this room? This is key.

KCUnited
12-08-2012, 09:34 PM
Soccer in the face, Red.

SNR
12-08-2012, 09:35 PM
In an arena that small, it becomes more about quickness and being able to quickly dodge frequent attacks from that mallet.

Simply Red has Zach beat on this. I think the hydrochloric acid is worthless, unless Zach were able to squash Simply Red on the floor and force him to drink it.

I will take Simply Red

Lumpy
12-08-2012, 09:35 PM
This is about bloodsport.

http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/1811962_o.gif

Shit. Why didn't you just say so in the OP?

:popcorn:

SNR
12-08-2012, 09:37 PM
People are forgetting that this is a heavy rubber mallet.

One decent blow to the head is all it takes to at least knock the other guy out.

Shogun
12-08-2012, 09:38 PM
Also, what is the weather like? Is it storming?

SNR
12-08-2012, 09:39 PM
Also, what is the weather like? Is it storming?

Yes. It's a dark and stormy night.

DaFace
12-08-2012, 09:40 PM
I'm gonna go with Zach. While I like SR most of the time, Zach could probably insult him in such a way that he'd run away and refuse to come back (then show back up a month or two later).

lewdog
12-08-2012, 09:40 PM
Is a bathroom break involved? If not, I could definitely see piss and feces becoming a large part in this fight.

Lumpy
12-08-2012, 09:40 PM
Are there midgets?

(This is important)

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:40 PM
What about the roof? What is the shape of it? Is it supported well?

The roof is a thin mesh so that birds don't crap on competitors and some degree of stench can still escape.


Just materials, or labor + materials?

The labor was Phobia's gift to The Chiefsplanetiseum.


What kind of nails used to construct this room? This is key.

No nails. Phobia used industrial strength wood glue only.

threebag02
12-08-2012, 09:42 PM
Zoccer is jacking of to his own soccer talk while giving himself an acid enema. SR can't survive the close confines and kills himself with blunt force trauma. As he falls the the ground Zoccer blows snot on SR and yells G-G-G-G-O-A-L!!!!!!!!!

Shogun
12-08-2012, 09:44 PM
No nails. Phobia used industrial strength wood glue only.

My god

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/conspiracy-keanu-template.jpg

Iowanian
12-08-2012, 09:45 PM
Zach reminds me of Peta from the Hunger games book.


Does he have a chic with him that can shoot a bow in the middle of a back flip and take a testicle off of a field mouse at 150 yardss?

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:45 PM
Also, what is the weather like? Is it storming?

It's 108 degrees. The spectators are air conditioned, however.

Is a bathroom break involved? If not, I could definitely see piss and feces becoming a large part in this fight.

Every 20 minutes each contestant may relieve themselves through a small hole in the wall. However, each hole is a portal to the other hole. Kind of like this:

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTbk15PYlO8q5wJaQkOJWvH64SkcUqWHS_02age4rud_rHqunJoGWJ30tM1

Be careful what you stick in the hole.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:47 PM
Are there midgets?

(This is important)

The Official Chiefsplanetiseum Rulebook CLEARLY states NO MIDGETS.

Shogun
12-08-2012, 09:48 PM
It's 108 degrees. The spectators are air conditioned, however.



Every 20 minutes each contestant may relieve themselves through a small hole in the wall. However, each hole is a portal to the other hole. Kind of like this:

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTbk15PYlO8q5wJaQkOJWvH64SkcUqWHS_02age4rud_rHqunJoGWJ30tM1

Be careful what you stick in the hole.


woah woah woah here. Spectators? So there will be windows?

threebag02
12-08-2012, 09:48 PM
The Official Chiefsplanetiseum Rulebook CLEARLY states NO MIDGETS.

You just pissed FrankoTank way the fuck off.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:49 PM
woah woah woah here. Spectators? So there will be windows?

As the OP states:

A small crowd of CP spectators watches through mirrored windows.

Lumpy
12-08-2012, 09:49 PM
The Official Chiefsplanetiseum Rulebook CLEARLY states NO MIDGETS.

That's just bullshit. :harumph:

Iowanian
12-08-2012, 09:49 PM
If SR could work up a kick to the head, he'd surely temporarily blind Zach with freshly polished loafers shined to perfection with a touch of lemon zest.

something cooler
12-08-2012, 09:50 PM
Out of these two, who balls the hardest?

BigMeatballDave
12-08-2012, 09:50 PM
SR, because I heard Zach has a vagina.

threebag02
12-08-2012, 09:51 PM
Reds the ****ing Baller Brah

Shogun
12-08-2012, 09:51 PM
As the OP states:

shiiiiii.......... there gonna be BUCKETS of sweat from this scenario. not sure if it was stated, but are the men shirtless? if so. I think we should do this. Cover them in egg yolk and and whites. scatter a ton of flour all over the room. after they wrestle and one of them are dead. the winner must collect all of the dough that they made during wrestling to the death, they must bake some bread with the dough and feed it to scott pioli

SNR
12-08-2012, 09:53 PM
shiiiiii.......... there gonna be BUCKETS of sweat from this scenario. not sure if it was stated, but are the men shirtless? if so. I think we should do this. Cover them in egg yolk and and whites. scatter a ton of flour all over the room. after they wrestle and one of them are dead. the winner must collect all of the dough that they made during wrestling to the death, they must bake some bread with the dough and feed it to scott pioli

http://static1.fjcdn.com/comments/thats+messed+up+bro+_5ea5094edce3fb6fbf1a994eac801f5d.jpg

KcMizzou
12-08-2012, 09:53 PM
I'll take Zach. He's a former offensive lineman. He'd pancake SR when SR told him he was wearing the wrong shoes for autumn.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:54 PM
shiiiiii.......... there gonna be BUCKETS of sweat from this scenario. not sure if it was stated, but are the men shirtless?

Each gladiator is clad only in officially sanctioned tournament wear.

http://www.snuggieblanketfortwo.com/snuggies/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/the-snuggie.jpg

It may not be removed.

threebag02
12-08-2012, 09:55 PM
I'll take Zach. He's a former offensive lineman. He'd pancake SR when SR told him he was wearing the wrong shoes for autumn.

So Zach is wearing white cleats?

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:56 PM
So Zach is wearing white cleats?

Competitors may only wear thin rubber sandals.

threebag02
12-08-2012, 09:58 PM
Are they ribbed? So they can get traction in the mudd?

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 09:59 PM
Are they ribbed?

Yes. They're also lubricated.

cdcox
12-08-2012, 10:04 PM
Each gladiator is clad only in officially sanctioned tournament wear.

http://www.snuggieblanketfortwo.com/snuggies/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/the-snuggie.jpg

It may not be removed.

Since SR wouldn't be caught dead in that, it gives him the extra motivation to win.

something cooler
12-08-2012, 10:04 PM
So Zach is wearing white cleats?

He'd better not after labor day, sr would fuck him up.

Big Smoke
12-08-2012, 10:09 PM
ROFLthey likely end up sucking each others' dicks, though.

Al Bundy
12-08-2012, 10:09 PM
Simply Red, then take plenty of high-res pics of Zach's naked, dead body and post them at Livestrong Park.

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 10:12 PM
This woman is cheerleading the event.

http://i.imgur.com/qTL9H.gif

Goldmember
12-08-2012, 10:16 PM
Will this fight take place before, or after, a bowel movement?

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 10:18 PM
Will this fight take place before, or after, a bowel movement?

Both competitors receive a full, thorough colonic prior to the event.

Ace Gunner
12-08-2012, 10:20 PM
okay, so this is tit fighting only. hmmmm

Shogun
12-08-2012, 10:20 PM
Will there be a buffet present?

Ace Gunner
12-08-2012, 10:30 PM
and the winner gets one of these pillows personally autographed by richard simmons
http://www.amlinkmarble.com/stone_resources/image/pillow.jpg

threebag02
12-08-2012, 10:30 PM
http://canyaheelme.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/womens-cleats4_thumb.jpg

Count Zarth
12-08-2012, 10:32 PM
Will there be a buffet present?

Just for the spectators in the AC.

Brando
12-09-2012, 12:51 AM
In this proposed scenario we all win.

mikey23545
12-09-2012, 01:22 AM
Zach and SR "stretching out" before the contest begins...

http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/9281/21631055.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/818/21631055.jpg/)

mikey23545
12-09-2012, 01:23 AM
The "winning move" by SR:


http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/9476/gaysoccer.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/145/gaysoccer.jpg/)

mikey23545
12-09-2012, 01:26 AM
After the contest - no hard feelings...

http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/6389/gaykissing4.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/145/gaykissing4.jpg/)

Fairplay
12-09-2012, 01:30 AM
After the contest - no hard feelings...

http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/6389/gaykissing4.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/145/gaykissing4.jpg/)



These kind of endings get me all choked up.

I'm glad the two kissed and made up.

Making up is the funnest part they say.

Brando
12-09-2012, 01:39 AM
After the contest - no hard feelings...

http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/6389/gaykissing4.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/145/gaykissing4.jpg/)

Clayton and Nick are sooooo in love!

Fairplay
12-09-2012, 01:48 AM
The "winning move" by SR:


http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/9476/gaysoccer.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/145/gaysoccer.jpg/)



Uncle SR! Uncle SR!

Fairplay
12-09-2012, 01:56 AM
.............the next day

http://i.imgur.com/Ga9qK.jpghttp://

rico
12-09-2012, 02:38 AM
Simply Red with his mad gangsta skills he picked up on the metro.........sexual.

Fairplay
12-09-2012, 03:40 AM
http://i.imgur.com/VbqDf.jpg

Al Bundy
12-09-2012, 03:48 AM
This is a lot of gay soccer shit.

Sorter
12-09-2012, 03:50 AM
This is a lot of gay soccer shit.

This.

Fairplay
12-09-2012, 03:52 AM
yep

ChiefsNow
12-09-2012, 04:05 AM
Will there be banners flying?

theelusiveeightrop
12-09-2012, 07:03 AM
In this matchup, we all win.

patteeu
12-09-2012, 10:00 AM
Do either of them have angel wings tattooed on their back?

http://mmaop.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/BensonWings.jpg

threebag02
12-09-2012, 11:43 AM
No But Zach has tits drawn on his back with a chisel point Sharpie.

Sweet Daddy Hate
12-09-2012, 12:49 PM
SR is in shape and handles his liquor well. SR FTW.

|Zach|
12-09-2012, 08:07 PM
SR is too sensitive to even be on a message board for any regular amount of time.

Count Zarth
12-09-2012, 08:27 PM
So this thread was better than the game.

Bump
12-09-2012, 08:33 PM
Simply Red would dominate that bitch and then photograph herself tea bagging him in a very artsy way.

lewdog
12-09-2012, 08:37 PM
Simply Red would dominate that bitch and then photograph herself tea bagging him in a very artsy way.

Simply Red is a woman?

:spock:
:eek:

Bump
12-09-2012, 08:40 PM
Simply Red is a woman?

:spock:
:eek:

lol

oops

lewdog
12-09-2012, 08:41 PM
lol

oops

Freudian slip over the internet? gotcha.

Inmem58
12-09-2012, 08:41 PM
Both of them are bitches. It would be a shit show.

T-post Tom
12-09-2012, 09:15 PM
Simply Red is a woman?

:spock:
:eek:

Not sure I want to know a woman that can teabag someone. :p