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munkey
12-14-2012, 07:36 PM
How do you deal with it?

Prison Bitch
12-14-2012, 07:37 PM
Chiefs games.

CoMoChief
12-14-2012, 07:39 PM
I agree.....the Matt Cassel Comedy Show cheers me right up.

Bacon Cheeseburger
12-14-2012, 07:40 PM
Do something fun.

munkey
12-14-2012, 07:40 PM
I'm talking suicide depression...I could give a shit about the Matt Casshole or the chiefs...

Shogun
12-14-2012, 07:42 PM
weed

Discuss Thrower
12-14-2012, 07:43 PM
You don't.

Chiefnj2
12-14-2012, 07:43 PM
1. Write down this number: 1-800-273-8255
2. Log off CP and call the number.

Gonzo
12-14-2012, 07:44 PM
You're to going to get any answers here man... At least not helpful ones. Call that number.

Bwana
12-14-2012, 07:45 PM
I haven't had to deal with it first hand for myself, but I have helped a friend out at one point. It was about his wife leaving him.

Prison Bitch
12-14-2012, 07:47 PM
If it is a chemical issue (not caused by external events in your life), you need to see a trained medical professional at once. If it is events-driven, friends/family/therapists are only a phone call away and they all want to hear from you. Make the call.

Count Zarth
12-14-2012, 07:48 PM
Sleep and exercise works wonders.

HonestChieffan
12-14-2012, 07:49 PM
1. Write down this number: 1-800-273-8255
2. Log off CP and call the number.

This. Dont do whatever you are thinking

Dayze
12-14-2012, 07:50 PM
psychiatrist. though not suicidal depressing, I had depression nearly my entire life.
finally did soething about it. Met with a great psychiatrist; he took his time trying to find the right dosage and a variety of drugs. we finally found a dosage and prescription that works perfectly. I haven't felt so balanced/clear since i don't know when.

it took about a year to find the right combination etc. I didn't do the psychologist route. I did meet with a Therapist a few times, but really didn't find any value in it at all.

true depression, not just the blues etc, can be managed and treated. true depression is essentaily (from what I've gathered) a chemical inbalance. One thing the psychiatrist noted was that it was possible to use one of the prescriptions typically used for bi-polarism to treat similar symptoms...while not having bi-polar disorder. I think this was a huge part of my anxiety and depression.

I feel great and not all drugged out etc.
I take one pill at day of Venlafaxine and lamotrigine.

something cooler
12-14-2012, 07:51 PM
I drink consistently.

Dayze
12-14-2012, 07:53 PM
oh, and don't do anything stupid.
life changes all the time; things improve. you need just need help. everyone does at some point.

get your shit together and start down the path of a better life

Lumpy
12-14-2012, 07:56 PM
Get help. Call that number. Please!

something cooler
12-14-2012, 07:57 PM
maybe he was just asking how other people specifically deal with it?

mdchiefsfan
12-14-2012, 07:57 PM
Hang in there buddy. Take care if yourself.

mdchiefsfan
12-14-2012, 07:58 PM
maybe he was just asking how other people specifically deal with it?

This post has me thinking otherwise:

I'm talking suicide depression...I could give a shit about the Matt Casshole or the chiefs...

Buehler445
12-14-2012, 08:00 PM
See somebody. Seriously.

All the best bud.

DeezNutz
12-14-2012, 08:01 PM
You are not alone. Others do care. Things will and can get better.

Call the number posted early in the thread and get help.

wazu
12-14-2012, 08:04 PM
Woah. Get help. Life isn't perfect but it can be a lot of fun. We'll all have plenty of time to be dead. No reason to rush that.

FAX
12-14-2012, 08:05 PM
1. Write down this number: 1-800-273-8255
2. Log off CP and call the number.

If this phone number is the real deal, that's your first step, Mr. munkey.

As for the rest, I don't think there's a simple, one-size-fits-all answer. However, I do believe that everyone and anyone can survive depression and come out on the other side of the darkness a very happy, productive person who enjoys a satisfyingly high quality of life.

Overcoming depression is like any other of life's challenges ... you have to commit yourself to beating it then you take action ... one step at a time ... one day at a time.

If you wish to talk, my PM inbox is open to you.

FAX

memyselfI
12-14-2012, 08:08 PM
Talk to someone. Counseling with medication is the best all around solution for someone who is suicidal depressed. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Once you have done the previous two then try yoga. It is remarkable for aiding depression.

Fruit Ninja
12-14-2012, 08:09 PM
talk to a psychiatrist and if you dont like the one you got a hold of, try again and again ti you find someone you feel comfortable with.

listopencil
12-14-2012, 08:18 PM
1. Write down this number: 1-800-273-8255
2. Log off CP and call the number.

^

Raiderhader
12-14-2012, 08:20 PM
If this phone number is the real deal, that's your first step, Mr. munkey.

As for the rest, I don't think there's a simple, one-size-fits-all answer. However, I do believe that everyone and anyone can survive depression and come out on the other side of the darkness a very happy, productive person who enjoys a satisfyingly high quality of life.

Overcoming depression is like any other of life's challenges ... you have to commit yourself to beating it then you take action ... one step at a time ... one day at a time.

If you wish to talk, my PM inbox is open to you.

FAX


Ditto. It may not be professional help (nor should it be considered an alternative to it) but, I have had some experience with someone that was once a part of my life going through some similar issues. I know how to listen and be supportive.

BigRedChief
12-14-2012, 08:22 PM
1. Write down this number: 1-800-273-8255
2. Log off CP and call the number.And if its a chemical issue, they can fix that .

CoMoChief
12-14-2012, 08:44 PM
I drink consistently.

this.

Bump
12-14-2012, 08:45 PM
don't take those pills the dr's want to give you, just get some weed man.

CoMoChief
12-14-2012, 08:45 PM
Actually don't drink. If this is something serious and not just something to gain attention, then talk to someone....anyone.

DO NOT MEDICATE.

Go w/ the weed people on this board. Call a friend over...toke up and go out and buy Dark Knight Rises and a gallon of your favorite ice cream. It's even better when you're stoned.

scott free
12-14-2012, 08:54 PM
Sleep and exercise works wonders.

.

Chief_For_Life58
12-14-2012, 08:58 PM
buy a bentley. hit pnl all night tonight. tryn pick up some strange. fail. sleep in your car. drive home at 7 in the morning. go to bed

Molitoth
12-14-2012, 08:58 PM
If you don't feel like talking to anyone, start writing poetry and learn to play an instrument.

This is how some good musicians are born.

jaa1025
12-14-2012, 09:05 PM
Talk to someone. You can't self medicate. You can't ignore it. It will eat you up inside. No one is exempt from it.

I JUST had a friend take his life last weekend. Out of nowhere. He was the last person I could think of doing it. Always joked around. Nicest guy. One of the smartest and hardest worker I know. Very clean cut good looking guy. Married with 2 teenage kids. He was the guy that seemed to have everything he wanted out of life....then I get a text that he took his life. Hard to swallow. Wish I would have known he needed help.

Don't wait. Please.

Fruit Ninja
12-14-2012, 09:37 PM
don't take those pills the dr's want to give you, just get some weed man.

as good as weed can be, its not for everyone. I cant reef myself. I get way to fucking paranoid and it gets all bad. lol

I dont suffer from depression, but im not a lucky one that can reef.

Phobia
12-14-2012, 09:41 PM
Call me any time, bro. I'm not smart and I won't be able to fix any of your problems but at least you'll feel better about yourself after talking to my dumb ass.

Frazod
12-14-2012, 09:44 PM
Blowjobs and Skyrim.

lewdog
12-14-2012, 09:47 PM
Depression is treatable if you take the time to get help and address it. It isn't a quick fix but with the right combination of things, can be managed for the better. Seek help before making an irrational decision. Talk to anyone you feel comfortable confiding in, chances are many of those in your life have dealt with similar feelings.

Rugby Thompson
12-14-2012, 09:53 PM
weed, video games, sunday football.

Frazod
12-14-2012, 09:55 PM
weed, video games, sunday football.

I take it you're not a Chiefs fan.

lewdog
12-14-2012, 09:56 PM
And for me it is lifting weights and working out. Waking up everyday knowing I can transform my body is pretty invigorating.

Rugby Thompson
12-14-2012, 09:58 PM
I take it you're not a Chiefs fan.

I am, just a fan of NFL in general too. I'll watch any game after smoking weed

Rugby Thompson
12-14-2012, 09:58 PM
Blowjobs and Skyrim.

get far cry 3

Reerun_KC
12-14-2012, 10:01 PM
Call me any time, bro. I'm not smart and I won't be able to fix any of your problems but at least you'll feel better about yourself after talking to my dumb ass.this. My pm and cell phone is always open.

ChiTown
12-14-2012, 10:08 PM
I'm talking suicide depression...I could give a shit about the Matt Casshole or the chiefs...

We are here for you, bro. Seriously, there's not a damn thing we won't do for you. First, call that number. Then, lets talk it out

Inmem58
12-14-2012, 10:29 PM
Meth or heroine

something cooler
12-14-2012, 10:31 PM
Meth or heroine

No joke that those will help indeed. then you got new problems

Inmem58
12-14-2012, 10:47 PM
No joke that those will help indeed. then you got new problems

Like methadone refills?

Fat Elvis
12-14-2012, 10:49 PM
This. Dont do whatever you are thinking

This is probably the one and only time that HCF and I will agree on anything.

Make it through tonight. Do what it takes to do that.

Get some help. Talk to a psychiatrist. Talk to your doctor. Talk to family members. Talk to a friend(s). Talk to people here.

Real depression is a chemical imbalance--think of it as diabetes of the brain. If you had diabetes, you' d get help for that wouldn't you? Get help for your depression.

Psyko Tek
12-14-2012, 10:57 PM
drinking heavily and crying softly

bricks
12-14-2012, 11:03 PM
Change the way you think.

FAX
12-14-2012, 11:06 PM
This is probably the one and only time that HCF and I will agree on anything.

Make it through tonight. Do what it takes to do that.

Get some help. Talk to a psychiatrist. Talk to your doctor. Talk to family members. Talk to a friend(s). Talk to people here.

Real depression is a chemical imbalance--think of it as diabetes of the brain. If you had diabetes, you' d get help for that wouldn't you? Get help for your depression.

That's actually a dang accurate statement and a great way to look at it. The bonus is that it's completely true and frequently completely overlooked.

Because it surfaces as an emotional upheaval or trauma, people who are experience depression need to give themselves time when they feel like time's running out. They need to talk with people when they feel as though people don't care. They need to find some hope when they feel things are hopeless. It's a paradoxical dichotomy that can spin out of control simply because people don't realize that they may very well be suffering from a physical abnormality ... just like diabetes. People who deal with depression often discover they have thyroid problems ... or an endocrine imbalance of some sort ... or pancreatic issues. Hormones are tricky things and can get out of whack pretty easily.

And just as Mr. Fat Elvis said, you would seek out a doctor for any of those problems and it would be the right thing to do. Because the fact of the matter is that the depression is frequently the primary symptom ... but if that's all it is ... that's all it is ... a symptom.

Again, please PM me if you would like to chat. We can talk about anything that comes into your mind including Mr. Phobia's persistent ass-rash which I heard about from somebody who saw him naked.

FAX

Phobia
12-14-2012, 11:14 PM
Change the way you think.

This post is probably a lot bigger than it first appears.

NJChiefsFan
12-14-2012, 11:32 PM
Hope the guy is alright. Being hopeless is the worst feeling in the world. Hard to see your way around it, or worse, to even want to see your way around it. The good news is it doesn't always take a life-changing event to break through it. Sometimes it can be something small. You just can't give up on yourself. Some of the examples given don't seem big but they can be. Working out can really change your outlook mentally. For me, sports really did it. Always gave me something to look for in the future. Following more than one sport was key here, because the Chiefs sure as hell don't fill that often.

Cornstock
12-15-2012, 12:52 AM
Working out and getting fresh air and sunshine works the best for me.

something cooler
12-15-2012, 12:56 AM
Well yeah, ten times outta ten doing something beats sitting and dwelling.

Sorter
12-15-2012, 03:01 AM
Exercising.

zigbazah
12-15-2012, 03:24 AM
Exercising, playing some good music and/or calling a friend helps me.

bevischief
12-15-2012, 04:40 AM
I have been there and done that with my wife she was at that point. She is better now without the all the prescriptions drugs she was on. PM me if need my phone number to talk about it. I was depressed for a little bit but never so far to off myself or anyone else.

Fritz88
12-15-2012, 05:48 AM
1. Write down this number: 1-800-273-8255
2. Log off CP and call the number.

Please do this.

Mr. Flopnuts
12-15-2012, 05:54 AM
He's fine. Just a PSA for posters.

HonestChieffan
12-15-2012, 05:58 AM
He's fine. Just a PSA for posters.

Good. Op's like this should never be seen as a joke.

Mr. Flopnuts
12-15-2012, 06:00 AM
Good. Op's like this should never be seen as a joke.

It wasn't. Especially not from one who's been here for over 10 years and has never done anything like this. He's going through some rough times, like a lot of us are. One thing I love about this place is the fact that we all come together when times are tough.

You and I have had our words before HC, but if you ever needed to talk, I'd drop you my phone number and be here for you in a heartbeat. That's one thing that I really, really, love about this place.

Bacon Cheeseburger
12-15-2012, 06:48 AM
He's fine. Just a PSA for posters.
Thanks for the update. I was hoping someone here knew him in RL and could check on him.

bevischief
12-15-2012, 06:56 AM
Good to hear.

FAX
12-15-2012, 08:04 AM
It wasn't. Especially not from one who's been here for over 10 years and has never done anything like this. He's going through some rough times, like a lot of us are. One thing I love about this place is the fact that we all come together when times are tough.

You and I have had our words before HC, but if you ever needed to talk, I'd drop you my phone number and be here for you in a heartbeat. That's one thing that I really, really, love about this place.

Aw .... that's so sweet ...

Break out the violins and let's have some mushy music.

Better yet, let's break out the tambourines and bash out some wacky jingle jangle in the jungle juju and shake our penises at the moon.

FAX

memyselfI
12-15-2012, 08:17 AM
Another thing I would suggest is that if you are in your 40s or above, which I know a number of us are having been in our 30s when we started here in the 90s, please get your hormone levels checked. We are just now beginning to understand how loss of testosterone and estrogen effects mental health during the aging process for BOTH men and women. Males go through a male version of menopause just like females and those changes can cause or worsen depression. Maybe you don't need antidepressants but instead need hormones.

Worth a shot and can make a big difference.

http://men.webmd.com/guide/male-menopause

Buehler445
12-15-2012, 08:29 AM
He's fine. Just a PSA for posters.

Thanks Flop. Appreciated.

crossbow
12-15-2012, 08:41 AM
Dude,

After I survived a major heart attack last winter, I had to deal with extreme emotional states. At first I was a happy guy because three weeks of Morhpine was still in my viens. But then the drugs wore off and I fell into this state of anger. That lasted about 9 months. Then it turned into depression for about three months. I was fired from my job because of the weight restrictions my doctors put me on. This made me realy mad because I had done everything those aholes asked of me and when I needed some time from them they blew me out of the airlocks into deep space. F you corporate America and your epic level of greed. Anyway if you are depressed you need to pay for help because your family may be concerned but they aren't trained professionals. In fact, they could unintentionaly make things worse.

Iowanian
12-15-2012, 08:44 AM
One foot in front of the other......then use 1 single finger to make a phone call to someone who can help you.

This time of year gets a lot of people.

Art Vader
12-15-2012, 09:34 AM
Life's like falling into the gorilla pit at the zoo... most of the time you'll get mauled to death, but on a rare occasion the gorilla will nurture you like its own.

As an artist I kinda take depression as it comes and chalk it up to whatever mystery game the Universe is running on me. I have a pretty good feeling that If you kill yourself you're just doomed to either repeat the same life, or something worse, so it's probably best to just wait it out and let the Earth take you back. I'm not religious but I think you definitely are judged by your separated conscience (which many confuse or think of as God) when you die and are subject to whatever punishment or praise you deserve in that dream world.

It's definitely not for everyone, but if it wasn't for THC, i'm not sure where i'd be. It's saved my life and most likely a number of others.

I know depression is a chemical thing, and I know people who take pills for it, but I don't like many things about taking pills. Sometimes those people have a lapse in taking their meds and become more intolerable than before they were on the pills, some go through odd body changes and start to gain weight and stuff and become a completely different person.. which is weird to me.

Also, society can pigeon-hole you if they know you're depressed or medicated for it, even if it doesn't affect them in any way.. people are very superstitious about their optimism. It's definitely a burden, but you just have to find a few things in life to keep you distracted and really try to take other people's ways as lightly as you can and know that you may not ever be accepted by anyone, and it's not your duty to punish anyone for it.

It's scary to know that some people just get completely disconnected and have no control of what they're doing and nowadays you just have to hope you're not in the wrong place at the wrong time because some people are just bat-shit crazy and neglected.

Luckily whatever's the matter with me can easily be treated with a little baking.. plus it unlocks some crazy art abilities in me, others aren't so lucky and I feel for those people.

KC Tattoo
12-15-2012, 09:37 AM
I have suffered a great amount of deppression in my life that lead to suicide ideation. I'm only going to talk about it in hope that it could help someone else reading this so please don't judge me. I am not proud of the things I have done. If this helps someone else then this will help me in my recovery.

I don't know where to really start with this. After graduated high school in 93, I went to a community college and basically learned to drink along with my sweedish friends I made. All I cared about was drinking till I passed out, that was fun for me. I through a huge party at my dads house while he was on vacation. I don't know how much I drank but woke up four days later in my dorm room. My sweedish roomate said he thought I was dead. He also called me an alcoholic. I thought COOL I just made rock star status :D I thought to myself that being an alcoholic meant I could drink more than most people on the planet Superman. Well I just drank more & failed college 1.5 years but worked weekends so I could drink all week long.

I was living a life with no real responsiblities & I could do pretty much what ever the **** I wanted & did just that. For teh most part I drank beer untill it didn't do anything for me other than get me beloted. I started to drink night train & I was loaded like a freat train ;) The first time I drank a bottle of that stuff I was knocked out with in an hour & woke up somewhere else. I built a tollerence to it but it was cheap so I was happy to drink all the more.

Then I did the unthinkable, I got my GF pregnant & I became "responsible" I married her. (Now the happiest day of my life was when my daughter was born sept.12 96) Then I somewhat was responsible at least I had good jobs as a rout driver first with Guys Snacks then with Old Home or Metz Baking. Things seemed pretty good. I started hanging out with my brother inlaw who was this big biker dude with skull tats. He introduced me to weed and other drugs that became my life. I became a person I did not like, but at the same time thought I was cool as no one would miss with us in the bars.

1999 things got bad, I hurt my back and lost my job. Depression took a hold of me as I fealt worthless as a provider to my family. I wasn't a good father and I hated myself for that. Other things also I'm not going talk about. My mind was clouded and my back pain just intensified my feelings to the point of overdosing on a full bottle of pain meds. I just think I didn't want to wake up. My wife took me to the hospital and I had to drink black charcoal Nasty.

I am going take a break as I'm not sure how much detail I should be putting into this. I will say it got worse before it got better then worse again after more years have passed by. Today things are better so I want to express I have hope and want to give that hope to someone else today. If anyone cares I will be happy to continue, but if not God bless and take it easy. I'd like to say that was it but it's not.

Regret is a big part of depression & something to battle against in depression. I don't regret talking about it as it makes me stronger in helping others.

Mr. Flopnuts
12-15-2012, 09:42 AM
If you don't wish to continue publicly I understand. But I'd like to hear the rest of it either here or via PM Mr. Tattoo.

KC Tattoo
12-15-2012, 09:43 AM
I just have to get my thoughts together. It does help me get past some of it and move on. I do have a lot more to talk about.

BigRedChief
12-15-2012, 09:50 AM
I know depression is a chemical thing, and I know people who take pills for it

Also, society can pigeon-hole you if they know you're depressed or medicated for it, even if it doesn't affect them in any way.. people are very superstitious about their optimism.I hope we move on as a society that we can view this as the sickness that it is. It's viewed with no negative feelings. Treated the same as someone battling diabetes, cancer etc.

They are not weak, wimpy or any other derogatory terms used in the past. They just can't just suck it up and move on.

They have chemical imbalances in their brains, they truly struggle with emotions and thoughts that maybe some don't. These people should be viewed as someone that is sick and needs help and our understanding as they make their way out of their own personal hell.

boogblaster
12-15-2012, 09:55 AM
imbalance or not foget ya troubles life is too short go do sumpin ya never done before .. anything .. live on man .....

Art Vader
12-15-2012, 10:11 AM
I hope we move on as a society that this is a sickness. They are not weak, wimpy or any other derogatory terms used in the past. They just can't just suck it up and move on.

They have chemical inbalances in their brains, they truly struggle with emotions and thoughts that maybe some don't. These people should be viewed as someone that is sick and needs help and our understanding as they make their way out of their own personal hell.

Yeah.. there's a huge variation in the level of sickness though, it's not all the same sickness, and you can't use cancer treatments if you just have a cold (symbolically), and vice-versa. The chaos really must be read on an individual basis, and there are many roadblocks for those people on the way to proper treatment... also a lot of resources to help them but some don't take advantage for one reason or another.

Hopefully the future brings some effective answers, because it's just going to get worse.

Rausch
12-15-2012, 10:14 AM
How do you deal with it?

Perspective...

KC Tattoo
12-15-2012, 10:52 AM
A week or so at home after my overdose I became even more depressed filled with regret shame & feeling sorry for myself. I was not the man I was brought up to be as raised by my grandparents that addopted my brother and I. Am sure I was high but I know my mind was cloudy & for some reason I filled the bath tub of water then took a scalpel sharp knife to my rist. An angel stop my arm from going forward. It was my mother inlaw God Bless her. I had to ride in an ambulance with cuts on my arm but did not break a vein. I stayed a week in a behavior unit & I blamed it on my bad back that was just my excuse to get out. They told me if I tried anything like that again I would go to Larned St hospital. Um no fucking thank you. I cleaned my act up.

My wife didn't want to deal with me so I made an attempt to stay sober for her & our daughter. We got back together and as my back was feeling better I went to work for Western Uniform with a baby on the way. I thought getting her pregnant again would bring us happyness. I was staying sober but also was drinking Oduals or Coors cutter & I twisted off on a drinking binge as non alcoholic beer is a lie to your brain. I don't suggest nonalcoholic beer to anyone trying to stay sober.

As the month approached my sons birth I was doing good with my job and things were going better at home also. The day my son was born I couldn't express my happyness enough & so as my wife stayed the night in the hospital all I had to do was watch our daughter & be Dad to her & be responsible. I had other plans as my joy for our sons birth took another turn I through a party at home and my brother inlaw came over with his friends and drugs. I drank and did drugs I have no idea what they were. I went beyond drunk that night but fortunatly my daughter went to a friends house. The next day I was in shambles but I had to face my wife at the hospital and got there she could tell I got missed up and wasn't happy with me. From the happiest to the most regret of a night I knew I had to make up for it to her. I stayed sober for three months then back to the weed. I thought things were better & she had forgave me. I was wrong. For some reason I couldn't excape going over to my brother inlaws to do dope or drink. I wanted to be home with my family I wanted to be dad to my kids and a husband to my wife.

I was doing good with my job, I gave the money up to my wife to pay bills and I would take what I needed for my drinking. Scotch became my best friend. I would put a shot of Scotch in my coffee in the morning then go drive my route truck snow and ice did not matter. We lived in Deerfield ks twenty miles from Garden City & after work I would drink a couple 32oz Old Milwaukee on the back road. Scotch was my best friend tho at home. I tryed to hide my drinking but that seemed pointless.

My wife decided we needed to separate & that we would live in different appartments abanding our trailer house we were buying. I got sobered up then & started going to AA. It was my only chance to get back with her. I thought I was making progress, & we were talking. She didn't. She started keep the kids away from me even though I was sober this time. As I was working one day she took off with a guy to OHIO with the kids. She took off a week after the kids got out of school for the summer and my son was going have his first birthday in may of 2002. His birthday came May 31 and I was lost. I had been sober for 6 months how could this be like this? All I could do was get a cake with a candle and blow it out for him. I couldn't believe I missed my sons first birthday. Talk about being depressed. I knew I had to get my kids back so I got an attourny and the courts made her bring them back to me & I was awarded custidy of my kids. I became happy & took the responsibility to heart with the help of the grandparents on the mother side I did my best with them for a year and a half staying sober. Almost even got back together with the mom.

Instead of her moving back to Deerfield in the same town as us she moved to Russell ks wich made it hard on us for visitations. I transfered to Salina ks with my job at Western Uniform. We had both agreed on 6 months each for the kids to live with each other so that we both could have shared custidy. Well it was during her 6 months & my first month in Salina on my own I got drunk again at the bars. That's what I did after a month of not going to AA. I also remarried as it seemed she didn't mind me drinking. The problem was I didn't keep my end of the bargen for the six months and then unknowingly I got stuck with 6 months behind child support & my new wife had a resentment toward my first wife making our marrage more difficult.

I could drink on the weekends I didn't have my kids and I could drink on my overnight in hays on mondays. Scotch was my best friend.

I was married to her for four years and she had two duaghters of her own, one with down syndrome. We were happy & I was kicking ass as a route sales driver for Western Uniform & from winning a sales contest we got a trip to Cobo San Lucus Mexico. That was an alcoholics paradise :) It seemed to me that Mexico keeps the best tequila for themselves & ship crap tequila to the states :cuss: Oh had much fun on that trip.

Another break.

DenverDanChiefsFan
12-15-2012, 10:56 AM
I'm talking suicide depression...I could give a shit about the Matt Casshole or the chiefs...

I handle it with counseling and Lexapro. Going on almost 2 years without and incident.

Rausch
12-15-2012, 11:05 AM
A week or so at home after my overdose I became even more depressed filled with regret shame & feeling sorry for myself. I was not the man I was brought up to be as raised by my grandparents that addopted my brother and I. Am sure I was high but I know my mind was cloudy & for some reason I filled the bath tub of water then took a scalpel sharp knife to my rist. An angel stop my arm from going forward. It was my mother inlaw God Bless her. I had to ride in an ambulance with cuts on my arm but did not break a vein. I stayed a week in a behavior unit & I blamed it on my bad back that was just my excuse to get out. They told me if I tried anything like that again I would go to Larned St hospital. Um no ****ing thank you. I cleaned my act up.

My wife didn't want to deal with me so I made an attempt to stay sober for her & our daughter. We got back together and as my back was feeling better I went to work for Western Uniform with a baby on the way. I thought getting her pregnant again would bring us happyness. I was staying sober but also was drinking Oduals or Coors cutter & I twisted off on a drinking binge as non alcoholic beer is a lie to your brain. I don't suggest nonalcoholic beer to anyone trying to stay sober.

As the month approached my sons birth I was doing good with my job and things were going better at home also. The day my son was born I couldn't express my happyness enough & so as my wife stayed the night in the hospital all I had to do was watch our daughter & be Dad to her & be responsible. I had other plans as my joy for our sons birth took another turn I through a party at home and my brother inlaw came over with his friends and drugs. I drank and did drugs I have no idea what they were. I went beyond drunk that night but fortunatly my daughter went to a friends house. The next day I was in shambles but I had to face my wife at the hospital and got there she could tell I got missed up and wasn't happy with me. From the happiest to the most regret of a night I knew I had to make up for it to her. I stayed sober for three months then back to the weed. I thought things were better & she had forgave me. I was wrong. For some reason I couldn't excape going over to my brother inlaws to do dope or drink. I wanted to be home with my family I wanted to be dad to my kids and a husband to my wife.

I was doing good with my job, I gave the money up to my wife to pay bills and I would take what I needed for my drinking. Scotch became my best friend. I would put a shot of Scotch in my coffee in the morning then go drive my route truck snow and ice did not matter. We lived in Deerfield ks twenty miles from Garden City & after work I would drink a couple 32oz Old Milwaukee on the back road. Scotch was my best friend tho at home. I tryed to hide my drinking but that seemed pointless.

My wife decided we needed to separate & that we would live in different appartments abanding our trailer house we were buying. I got sobered up then & started going to AA. It was my only chance to get back with her. I thought I was making progress, & we were talking. She didn't. She started keep the kids away from me even though I was sober this time. As I was working one day she took off with a guy to OHIO with the kids. She took off a week after the kids got out of school for the summer and my son was going have his first birthday in may of 2002. His birthday came May 31 and I was lost. I had been sober for 6 months how could this be like this? All I could do was get a cake with a candle and blow it out for him. I couldn't believe I missed my sons first birthday. Talk about being depressed. I knew I had to get my kids back so I got an attourny and the courts made her bring them back to me & I was awarded custidy of my kids. I became happy & took the responsibility to heart with the help of the grandparents on the mother side I did my best with them for a year and a half staying sober. Almost even got back together with the mom.

Instead of her moving back to Deerfield in the same town as us she moved to Russell ks wich made it hard on us for visitations. I transfered to Salina ks with my job at Western Uniform. We had both agreed on 6 months each for the kids to live with each other so that we both could have shared custidy. Well it was during her 6 months & my first month in Salina on my own I got drunk again at the bars. That's what I did after a month of not going to AA. I also remarried as it seemed she didn't mind me drinking. The problem was I didn't keep my end of the bargen for the six months and then unknowingly I got stuck with 6 months behind child support & my new wife had a resentment toward my first wife making our marrage more difficult.

I could drink on the weekends I didn't have my kids and I could drink on my overnight in hays on mondays. Scotch was my best friend.

I was married to her for four years and she had two duaghters of her own, one with down syndrome. We were happy & I was kicking ass as a route sales driver for Western Uniform & from winning a sales contest we got a trip to Cobo San Lucus Mexico. That was an alcoholics paradise :) It seemed to me that Mexico keeps the best tequila for themselves & ship crap tequila to the states :cuss: Oh had much fun on that trip.

Another break.

Like I said, gain some perspective...

Cephalic Trauma
12-15-2012, 11:06 AM
don't take those pills the dr's want to give you, just get some weed man.

SSRI's have low side effects (virtually none) and have helped countless people. Shut up.

Cephalic Trauma
12-15-2012, 11:10 AM
To the OP, I didn't read the whole thread, but I strongly strongly strongly suggest going to your family doctor. They will put you in touch with a lot of professionals who can help.

There are plenty of options man. Counseling, medication, counseling and medication(which works very well), etc etc. You have options here. I know it's rough,but I've had family go through this and I know it's beatable.

threebag02
12-15-2012, 11:21 AM
I get up dust myself off then I roll up my sleeves and go grab the shit by the horns.

KC Tattoo
12-15-2012, 11:44 AM
Hope I'm not boring anyone. That seems to be a lot of text to read, not use to writing that much.


I was feeling good about myself & sporting a new :arrow: tattoo on my arm I got in mexico. It was funny on the trip people came up to me and wanted to buy my Chiefs hat off my head. I sold my hat for fifty bucks and that is like 500 dollars in Mexico. I wanted to go back to Mexico & sell NFL hats.

Another year went by and in 2008 my back was just hurting so bad I decided I couldn't handle the pressure of route work and had to call it quits. With out telling my wife I switched jobs and worked nights with handicap person of need. My wife was not happy as we took a pay cut along with paying so much in child support. We both felt at the time it was best if I moved out and we get a divorce. It was another blow to the ego to have failed two marrages. We stayed friends tho over the years. Stress of it all was just getting me down. I moved into a shitty appartment but started work more hours and got a new GF.

My new girl friend at the time let me move in with her and again Scotch was my best friend. Typically I would find girls that didn't seem to have a problem with me drinking. My kids didn't seem to care for her & my depression came back so I wanted to live on my own for a while. I got my own place but I wanted to still see my girl friend. I was working mad hours to keep a roof over my head & stress was overwhelming me. Worse than depression is stress I think for me. I just don't handle the stress of paying all the bills & child support and working 120 to 140 hours a week. That stress got to me the day after I drank before my work. My GF came by my place to see how I was doing and she saw I wasn't doing good and wanted to take me to the hospital. This is a night in November of 08. On the way to the hospital I wanted to jump out of the car. She pulled me in & yelled at me. She checked me into the behavior unit in Salina. My head was spinning and agian everything cloudy. I looked for any opportunity to end myself. In the bathroom I wrapped a cord around my neck. My GF was outside the door so I waited for another opportunity.

They put me in a room to myself, gave me some paper and a pencel to write with for me to write what was bothering me. In the morning I had tryed to use that pencel to push a hole in my wrist. I was making a cross but pushed as hard as I could to puncture the skin when staff walked in. Again with the angels I guess?

This was 8 years after my first attempts at it.

Break.

Rausch
12-15-2012, 11:52 AM
They put me in a room to myself, gave me some paper and a pencel to write with for me to write what was bothering me. In the morning I had tryed to use that pencel to push a hole in my wrist. I was making a cross but pushed as hard as I could to puncture the skin when staff walked in. Again with the angels I guess?

This was 8 years after my first attempts at it.

Break.

Thank Christ!

Long story short you're not as good or bad as you think you are.

Life sucks, hard, you outlast it.

If you're ever in doubt ask Gene...

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ayt_YvwiM9w/UBqnsw5N5AI/AAAAAAAAArc/8byF8aQzd_c/s1600/Willy+Wonka.jpg

New World Order
12-15-2012, 12:08 PM
Find enjoyment in the little things in life. My cousin was paralyzed a couple of years ago from a boating accident and wishes he could go on walks again, swim, jog etc..
Eat good food and enjoy it. Hit the weights and set some fitness goals for yourself, it's nice to see progress.

KC Tattoo
12-15-2012, 12:29 PM
I'm just trying to get to the hope part as that is what is important in my life, having hope.

I spent at least five days there as they ballanced out the meds they put me on and set me up with therapy. Also a Dr. for my depression pills. I think he used me as a guinny pig. He put me on Geodon shit. The dosage he put me on made my muscles contract or have an affect on the body much like having parkinsons for a day. That freaked me out. If I took another dose of it I really could have been ****ed up or dead. The Dr. backed off the prescription of it but I worked at getting off of them. I did continue to take trazadone to help sleep and with the back pain.

I continued to be depressed & stressed for another year and since I lost the amount of hours I was working only could work 40 hours I ended up homeless. Even though I was working I could not afford a place on my own. I lived out of my mini van and also at the homeless shelter. That sucked. I dealt with it all the time thinking suicide. I apparently suck at succeeding so I got by just doing what I could do to survive. I continued to drink and go to AA for spells to get a couple months sober and drink again. I had a good sponcer but didn't call him much.

A couple miracals had to happen for me to wake up. I got a new job with another handicap agency september of 09. My dad was passing away and I spent the night with him in his room & in the morning I got to see the love he had for me in his eyes & it was something I hadn't fealt in a long time. I fealt a spiritual connection that would stay with me. I knew then I had to change my thinking somehow. I didn't want those creapy thoughts in my head. Upon his passing I did go out that weekend with my brother and cousin to remanence the old good times growing up. The bar closed early and I ended up taking a handful of trazadone because I didn't want to quit drinking. That was a horible mix as it made me throw up blood. THat was the last time I drank October 4 2009.

All this time I just wanted to be there for my kids I just wanted to be DAD. I fealt much of that was taken away but for the most part it was my own doing. Now three months sober I had to make a choice. I was determined to put my past behind and made a decision not to be depressed & Much of that had to do with having the opportunity to be DAD to my daughter again after she was taken out of her moms do to shit with her step dad. Instead of killing him like I wanted too, I turned my selfesh ass around and from help got my own place so she could live with me. It took another 6 months but I was happy the day we got to go home together and I have done my damndest to be the best father I can be to her and also my son. I am happy about that and hold no regret. Not easy at all dealing with a teen full of anger either. I don't blame her she has every right to be for what she went through. Also it wasn't about me any more. I am at my best to help others and especially being here for my kids.

I just don't want to go through the hell to get to this point again. We are a happy family now with our struggles. I am determined not to let those struggles get me down. This is why I tell my story.

KC Tattoo
12-15-2012, 01:58 PM
I hope what I had to say helps some one understand that it's not worth it to put yourself through it on your own. I didn't want to ask for help and kept things bottled up. I kept things stewing in my head for the longest time and the thoughts mount up vigurously to a point of no return. That is when it gets scarry and no hope seems to overwhelm the mind. I don't understand it myself as to why? I got much to live for we all do.

Give yourself and your mind a break let what ever it is out to someone. Even tell your dog he will listen then go tell someone.

Go treat yourself to Oreo cookies and a tall glass of milk. Forgiveness is a big part of it for me. I got to forgive myself and others who I feel harmed me. I got to ask for forgiveness from people who I may have hurt. Nobody is perfect nor can we be.

Mr. Flopnuts
12-15-2012, 02:00 PM
Thanks for sharing it with us, bro. Take care, and be well.

Sweet Daddy Hate
12-15-2012, 02:22 PM
Meet Scott Peeholi in a parking lot and use better aim?

bevischief
12-15-2012, 03:04 PM
If you don't wish to continue publicly I understand. But I'd like to hear the rest of it either here or via PM Mr. Tattoo.

Same here.

bowener
12-15-2012, 03:14 PM
Go to a doctor.

bevischief
12-15-2012, 03:25 PM
KC Tattoo thanks for sharing. I have gone down this road with my wife, we have no kids, and over the last few years and doing good now. Thanks for sharing. Mental illness is real people. From your timeline we are about the same age. Good luck with your life going forward. If you need to talk PM me for my number.

ClevelandBronco
12-15-2012, 03:38 PM
I hope what I had to say helps some one understand that it's not worth it to put yourself through it on your own. I didn't want to ask for help and kept things bottled up. I kept things stewing in my head for the longest time and the thoughts mount up vigurously to a point of no return. That is when it gets scarry and no hope seems to overwhelm the mind. I don't understand it myself as to why? I got much to live for we all do.

Give yourself and your mind a break let what ever it is out to someone. Even tell your dog he will listen then go tell someone.

Go treat yourself to Oreo cookies and a tall glass of milk. Forgiveness is a big part of it for me. I got to forgive myself and others who I feel harmed me. I got to ask for forgiveness from people who I may have hurt. Nobody is perfect nor can we be.

Dude, I'd be proud to know you.

The amazing thing about a story like this is that the point of the story isn't really about how sick you were. The point of the story is about how well you are spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically for the first time in your adult life.

We may be weak, sick and broken before recovery, and there can be a lot of setbacks on the way to our ultimate goal, but because of everything we get to experience in the recovery process, we end up stronger and healthier than most normal folks ever dream a person can be.

You have balls the size of cement mixers, man. Stay strong, brother.

Fat Elvis
12-15-2012, 04:18 PM
SSRI's have low side effects (virtually none) and have helped countless people. Shut up.

Unless the person is bipolar; in that case, SSRIs can send the person on a moon shot.

Otter
12-15-2012, 04:50 PM
Had one of my closest friends in life blow his brains out not too long ago. Hell seems like yesterday. Over what? A woman and a house as far as I know. Certainly could have been more going on that I didn't know about.

I gotta admit, I'm pissed at him for not just packing a bag, saying 'fuck it' and come crash at my place till things straightened out. Which they would have.

Your life isn't just about you. When your up you bring everyone around you up and when your down you bring everyone around you down. Do it for 'them' whoever 'them' may be.

Hang in there, life is a roller coaster not a train track.

scott free
12-15-2012, 05:17 PM
Check in with us soon, munkey... long absences are worrying.

Unsmooth-Moment
12-15-2012, 05:25 PM
Thanks for the words of inspiration and hope, KC Tattoo.

Buehler445
12-15-2012, 05:52 PM
Wow. KC Tatoo. Deep man. Glad you turned things around dude.

munkey
12-15-2012, 07:11 PM
Check in with us soon, munkey... long absences are worrying.


I'm ok...tired...really tired....update tomorrow

Raiderhader
12-15-2012, 08:17 PM
I'm ok...tired...really tired....update tomorrow

Thanks for letting us know. Get some rest.

FAX
12-15-2012, 08:24 PM
Mr. KC Tattoo is a stud.

FAX

DanT
12-15-2012, 08:33 PM
munkey, it's good that you posted this thread. Posts like the thoughtful and courageous ones from KC Tattoo show that folks that won't you to suffer needlessly.

Here are some pages regarding depression.

From PubMed, a highly regarded service from the National Library of Medicine:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001941/

From the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill:

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=depression

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Bacon Cheeseburger
12-15-2012, 08:34 PM
Ummm...that first link might not work right...

KC Tattoo
12-15-2012, 08:36 PM
I'm ok...tired...really tired....update tomorrow

I pray for you to have possitive thoughts come into your head. Start with practicing thinking possitive things. Remember to do things you enjoy to do. Kick the negative thoughts to the curb they don't do a bit of good. They are easy to dwell on and keep you down. Don't let it beat you up man like they did me. Give yourself a chance, you are loved.



There are two profound thoughts I believe today to be true. From prayer and miracles I have came to the conclusion that there is a God. And two I am not him. :eek: I know I know I still have a hard time believing the second part :) I just go by what my therapist said.

Nightfyre
12-15-2012, 08:41 PM
Hey munkey,

I appreciate that you reached out when you needed help, man. Lots of people are too proud and wind up doing something stupid. If you need someone to talk to or whatever, just shoot me a PM. CP is a community first and a forum second, in my experience.

KC Tattoo
12-15-2012, 08:55 PM
Hey munkey,

I appreciate that you reached out when you needed help, man. Lots of people are too proud and wind up doing something stupid. If you need someone to talk to or whatever, just shoot me a PM. CP is a community first and a forum second, in my experience.

OMG. That has been my experience in it all. Even though I was full of shame regret and remorse I had too much pride to ask for help & did not want to reach out. I wanted to take my problems to the grave I was not afraid of dieing as much as I was afraid of living with guilt. My biggest fear was I didn't want my dad to know all what I have done even though I think he knew. I became isolated and I removed myself from being family as I didn't want them to see me the way I was living. I hated myself more than anything, that was pride keeping me from reaching out.

Get out of the house don't keep yourself coup up that make it more dangerous. Find a pastor to talk with, find a group to hang out with.

scott free
12-16-2012, 12:28 AM
I'm ok...tired...really tired....update tomorrow

Thanks for checking in, get some rest... but not too much rest... get up each sunny morning and keep TRYING.

I'd bet MY life that more people care about you than you think, dont let them down.

I've been deep in the hole, you're better than that and so am i... if you look back on your life, you KNOW you'll find plenty to be proud of.

Keep trying, everyone admires a fighter.

Phobia
12-16-2012, 12:38 AM
Munkey is good. He dropped me a text today and we'll chat tomorrow. I know others have reached out. This place is awesome for the most part. This is why I believe strongly that the internet IS "in real life".

RunKC
12-16-2012, 01:25 AM
Glad to see this guy is ok. I had a terrible experience with depression when the girl I was going to marry cheated on me and left the week after we looked at wedding rings.

It's all about being active and generating dopamine to the brain. Like some have said, exercise and be active. Can't stress that enough. Getting sleep is also key. Keep yourself busy at all times and try not to be alone very often.

The best way to feel happy IMO is to get a dog (note: if you don't have one, go to a pet shelter where you can play with them). Nothing is better than seeing a dog who loves the hell out of you unconditionally every day.

KC Tattoo
12-16-2012, 01:58 AM
Change the way you think.

You said it man. That is exactly what I had to do. The hard part was getting rid of the negative and go positive. I had to learn how to be greatful & thankful for everything. Not take anything for granted. This is a gift of life we are given & we are given free will to use that gift to our choice. I had to start chosing to be happy over depression. Depression robs us of that free will to be happy.

It was the little things that started to matter and not so much the big things. I still stress over bills but I can only do so much about them before it is out of my hands.


It's good to laugh, it's good to get a hug, it's good to feel appreciated. Those things are important in life today for me.

bobinkc
12-16-2012, 07:04 AM
Bang a ho. Always cheers me right up.

bevischief
12-16-2012, 09:47 AM
Bang a ho. Always cheers me right up.

Shut up Noob.

Mr. Flopnuts
12-16-2012, 10:16 AM
My biggest hope is that everyone who has posted personally in this thread never feels an oz. of shame over it. There is NO shame in it. It's reality. And it sucks sometimes. I've been incredibly depressed for years. I don't see doctors, and I don't take medication, I self medicate. And I've put a metric fuck ton of the weight I lost back on because of it. Scotch and bourbon are my new best friends. I'm broken, and trying to fix myself. So, while I've avoided putting this shit out here lately, I'm doing it now to stand with you guys. You are not alone. Sometimes life sucks...

bevischief
12-16-2012, 01:34 PM
I thought about this for several hours. I have never been that far to go off deep end to end it all. But I do walk the line from time to time.

Brock
12-16-2012, 01:35 PM
My biggest hope is that everyone who has posted personally in this thread never feels an oz. of shame over it. There is NO shame in it. It's reality. And it sucks sometimes. I've been incredibly depressed for years. I don't see doctors, and I don't take medication, I self medicate. And I've put a metric fuck ton of the weight I lost back on because of it. Scotch and bourbon are my new best friends. I'm broken, and trying to fix myself. So, while I've avoided putting this shit out here lately, I'm doing it now to stand with you guys. You are not alone. Sometimes life sucks...

When you were putting your time in at the gym did you have the same problems?

Mr. Flopnuts
12-16-2012, 02:04 PM
When you were putting your time in at the gym did you have the same problems?

Exercise is probably the single most important factor when examining my depression, and the lifestyles that I have had. Exercise has always improved the quality of my life. I think today would be a good day to start forming that habit again. Thanks for reaching out, bud. You were always there for me when I lost it all and tried to maintain it in the first place.