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View Full Version : Life The most important one-sentence piece of advice you've ever received.


Direckshun
03-09-2013, 08:10 PM
One sentence. Sometimes it's hysterical, irrelevent, or whatever.

It lingered in you, and it shapes who you are most days.

Share it with us, so that we too may swim in its terse wisdom.

Guru
03-09-2013, 08:11 PM
Don't fuck up.

Direckshun
03-09-2013, 08:11 PM
Mine: It's okay if your first draft is shit.

pr_capone
03-09-2013, 08:12 PM
My step-grandfather talking to 12 year old me about titties

"big titties are fun but all you need is a mouthfull"

milkman
03-09-2013, 08:15 PM
Grow a set.

'Hamas' Jenkins
03-09-2013, 08:18 PM
You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus.

TribalElder
03-09-2013, 08:19 PM
Be good or be good at it

KC Tattoo
03-09-2013, 08:21 PM
Get a clue

&

Your choice to be a fan

LoneWolf
03-09-2013, 08:21 PM
My Grandpa as he is stumbling around his backyard during a party: "You're not drunk until you have to hold onto the grass to keep from flying off the Earth".

Pitt Gorilla
03-09-2013, 08:22 PM
It's all pink on the inside.

EdmontonChiefsFan
03-09-2013, 08:23 PM
When I do good I feel good, when I do bad I feel bad..........this is my Religeon!

phisherman
03-09-2013, 08:25 PM
Don't fuck up.

Same here.

ClearmontChief
03-09-2013, 08:26 PM
Stay in the Air Force, there ain't shit out here.

suds79
03-09-2013, 08:26 PM
"It's not a 4th of July party until someone goes to the hospital."

SCTrojan
03-09-2013, 08:26 PM
Always leave it better than you found it.

NJChiefsFan
03-09-2013, 08:27 PM
I know the best piece of advice I never got was "don't root for the Chiefs you moron".

displacedinMN
03-09-2013, 08:27 PM
I tell people

Admitting your problem is the first step to recovery.

Pestilence
03-09-2013, 08:27 PM
My Dad used to tell me this when I would tell him about how much my comicbook collection was worth....

"It's only worth what someone will pay for it."

phisherman
03-09-2013, 08:28 PM
Never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city.

BigRedChief
03-09-2013, 08:29 PM
Life ain't no damn dress rehearsal.

Cosmos
03-09-2013, 08:29 PM
Getting old, iisn't for sissies...

SPATCH
03-09-2013, 08:30 PM
There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.

DaFace
03-09-2013, 08:31 PM
Don't eat yellow snow.

siberian khatru
03-09-2013, 08:31 PM
Plastics

KC_Lee
03-09-2013, 08:35 PM
Toss-up between;

Ask for forgiveness not permission.

OR

Buy land, they're not making any more.

Count Zarth
03-09-2013, 08:35 PM
one play at a time

KC native
03-09-2013, 08:37 PM
My step-grandfather talking to 12 year old me about titties

"big titties are fun but all you need is a mouthfull"

ROFL We might be related. My step grandfather said the same thing to me. I was like 10 though.

wazu
03-09-2013, 08:38 PM
Trust your instincts.

KC native
03-09-2013, 08:39 PM
Make it better than the last time.

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-09-2013, 08:39 PM
Sit down and shut up.

listopencil
03-09-2013, 08:40 PM
Fuck the man. -my father

dmahurin
03-09-2013, 08:41 PM
The HMC on my first ship in the navy warning us at indoc about sleeping with the girls on the boat. He said:

"Dogs don't shit where they sleep".

wazu
03-09-2013, 08:42 PM
Fuck the man. -my father

Aaaaannd, now it's weird.

Prison Bitch
03-09-2013, 08:42 PM
Always say thank you to people in your life. - dad

hometeam
03-09-2013, 08:42 PM
'Big un, you can do whatever you want'

listopencil
03-09-2013, 08:43 PM
Aaaaannd, now it's weird.

It was a toast, said on the first drink of every evening.

listopencil
03-09-2013, 08:44 PM
Well...drinking evenings anyway.

crossbow
03-09-2013, 08:45 PM
"Play Good Football"

It was much more profound then "Don't Play Bad Football"

Marcellus
03-09-2013, 08:45 PM
Don't take yourself too seriously.

Toughen up.

mlyonsd
03-09-2013, 08:51 PM
Assume every gun is loaded.

Fritz88
03-09-2013, 08:52 PM
Learn from your mistakes.
Posted via Mobile Device

EdmontonChiefsFan
03-09-2013, 08:54 PM
The only thing worse than growing up, is never quite learning how.

arrowheadnation
03-09-2013, 08:55 PM
"I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted." - WC Fields

Boise_Chief
03-09-2013, 08:58 PM
"Watch your muzzle." Dad
It's good advice for your gun, your mouth, and your pecker.

Marcellus
03-09-2013, 08:59 PM
"I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted." - WC Fields

So you never got advice on how tell the difference between a quote and advice.

KC Tattoo
03-09-2013, 09:01 PM
If your not God quit acting like you are God / my therapist

J Diddy
03-09-2013, 09:01 PM
get busy living or get busy dying

crossbow
03-09-2013, 09:03 PM
The customer can spend his money anywhere he wants to.

Cheater5
03-09-2013, 09:04 PM
1. Be your own man.

2. Don't envy anyone; you don't know what sort of problems they live with.

3. Measure twice, cut once.

4. Never trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

planetdoc
03-09-2013, 09:04 PM
Love others just as God has loved me.

MOhillbilly
03-09-2013, 09:04 PM
My Grandpa as he is stumbling around his backyard during a party: "You're not drunk until you have to hold onto the grass to keep from flying off the Earth".

LSD will make you think the same thing.

AustinChief
03-09-2013, 09:06 PM
Love may fail, but courtesy will prevail.

GloryDayz
03-09-2013, 09:06 PM
One (at a time)...

"Make the first exit wound and you should be fine."

HoneyBadger
03-09-2013, 09:08 PM
It doesn't matter what you believe in, just have faith in something.

MOhillbilly
03-09-2013, 09:09 PM
Friends is friends and business is business.

Pitt Gorilla
03-09-2013, 09:11 PM
You PLAY to WIN the GAME!

GloryDayz
03-09-2013, 09:12 PM
"Be ready to die for something you don't understand and can't spell."

Mr. Flopnuts
03-09-2013, 09:12 PM
Lots of great shit in here. I could come up with a bunch. But, here is my grand response.


"Life isn't always fair."

'Hamas' Jenkins
03-09-2013, 09:13 PM
Half of these **** whores are VC, the other half have TB; make sure you only fuck the ones that cough.

RunKC
03-09-2013, 09:13 PM
Successful people are the hardest workers.

nstygma
03-09-2013, 09:20 PM
Loose lips sink ships.

chefsos
03-09-2013, 09:22 PM
"That looks like duck shit."

-My 7th grade shop teacher, upon observing my initial attempt at a welding bead.

Neither of us knew at the time, but it made an impression on me. I still think about that day whenever I fuck up, because I did it again and got it right and learned that you can do it again and get it right.

DeezNutz
03-09-2013, 09:24 PM
Don't let Direckshun's shitty threads bother you.

Iowanian
03-09-2013, 09:28 PM
"It will feel better when it quit's hurtin'" Dadowanian

RNR
03-09-2013, 09:31 PM
You ain't very bright but you can take a punch. Words of encouragement from my dad~

Zeke
03-09-2013, 09:44 PM
"If you really love her, wear a cover"

aturnis
03-09-2013, 09:51 PM
Bitches be crazy...

Kidding, but this one comes mind:

"Don't think. Do".

Dayze
03-09-2013, 09:55 PM
First time changing spark plugs on my fist car an Olds 442, I was having trouble getting the plug in. My dad says "I bet if it had some hair around it you'd be able to find it"


My Instructor at NMITC had a good one. "Think fast, speak slow"

aturnis
03-09-2013, 09:59 PM
High school auto teacher: K.I.S.S., keep it simple stupid.

Spott
03-09-2013, 10:02 PM
Stay away from women.

Road Hog
03-09-2013, 10:04 PM
Don't let the little head do the thinking!

Lumpy
03-09-2013, 10:05 PM
Stay away from men.

Dayze
03-09-2013, 10:05 PM
And the ever popular "if it has tits or tires it'll give you trouble"

And "watch your corn hole bud"

teedubya
03-09-2013, 10:05 PM
"You are the president of your own professional services firm. You are the CEO of You, Inc., so protect your personal brand."

EagleRob
03-09-2013, 10:07 PM
Eight hours is eight hours. Applies to work and is not to say that you should be a clock watcher but rather that you should be willing to do whatever is asked of you within the bounds of your work contract or the law because you're getting paid the same.

GloryDayz
03-09-2013, 10:09 PM
"HALO, but not too low"

Frazod
03-09-2013, 10:09 PM
If you can't afford to pay cash for it, don't buy it with a credit card.

cdcox
03-09-2013, 10:09 PM
"That looks like duck shit."

-My 7th grade shop teacher, upon observing my initial attempt at a welding bead.

Neither of us knew at the time, but it made an impression on me. I still think about that day whenever I **** up, because I did it again and got it right and learned that you can do it again and get it right.

7th grade math teacher:

"Between me, you, and the gate post, you aren't really trying."

Thanks for calling me on by bullshit, Mr. Thompson.

Chiefs=Good
03-09-2013, 10:12 PM
Together is powerful

loochy
03-09-2013, 10:13 PM
Watch out for your cornhole, bud

Mavericks Ace
03-09-2013, 10:15 PM
Dont worry about things you cant control.

Chaunceythe3rd
03-09-2013, 10:19 PM
Big events in the lives of little people.

Dave Lane
03-09-2013, 10:21 PM
Do go in the military

and

Don't get in a land war in Asia.

I am Sicilian so the third one is rather meaningless...

Lumpy
03-09-2013, 10:31 PM
"It's not silly to have dreams."

KS Smitty
03-09-2013, 10:34 PM
Stay in the buggy.

Bowser
03-09-2013, 10:34 PM
You're not the father. *crowd goes wild*

Dayze
03-09-2013, 10:34 PM
"The reason a woman's poon hole and asshole are close together is so it makes it easier to carry them like a six pack"

Mrs. Loopner
03-09-2013, 10:52 PM
I heard it so often it became a sort of a mantra. "Practice makes perfect so, do it again!"

I'm perfect at quite a few things. :D

Discuss Thrower
03-09-2013, 11:18 PM
Always spend someone else's money.

tmh
03-09-2013, 11:20 PM
When in doubt.. Fuck. Actually Frank Slade's advice to his cat but never guided me wrong

Lumpy
03-09-2013, 11:23 PM
"Don't trust whitey."

Clyde Frog
03-09-2013, 11:34 PM
Remember to always think twice

Pawnmower
03-09-2013, 11:39 PM
this one comes mind:

"Don't think. Do".

You certainly live that in your life through your dumb ass posts

gaylord

wutamess
03-09-2013, 11:39 PM
One sentence. Sometimes it's hysterical, irrelevent, or whatever.

It lingered in you, and it shapes who you are most days.

Share it with us, so that we too may swim in its terse wisdom.

A man's gotta do what an man's gotta do.

Pawnmower
03-09-2013, 11:41 PM
And I, infinitesimal being,
drunk with the great starry
void,
likeness, image of
mystery,
felt myself a pure part
of the abyss,
I wheeled with the stars,
my heart broke loose on the wind.

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-09-2013, 11:55 PM
"It's not silly to have dreams."
"It's just silly to think you'll ever realize them."

Lumpy
03-10-2013, 12:05 AM
"It's just silly to think you'll ever realize them."

Ya know, I was just surfing Craigslist looking for a light fixture for my 55 gallon fish tank. What do I find instead? An ad for a 55 gallon drum of personal lubricant. The seller states that it has never been opened and he's asking $1200.

Now that guy had a dream... but he failed miserably in making it happen. LMAO

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-10-2013, 12:09 AM
Well, I guess if you're going to waste your time dreaming, might as well dream big.

ImAWalkingCorpse
03-10-2013, 12:10 AM
Learn to play the piano or the violin, the bitches love that shit.

Lumpy
03-10-2013, 12:15 AM
Well, I guess if you're going to waste your time dreaming, might as well dream big.

Not to mention waste your money... $1200 for 55 gallons of lube. Wow. LMAO

|Zach|
03-10-2013, 12:18 AM
Things are never as good as you think they are or as bad as you think they are.

Bacon Cheeseburger
03-10-2013, 12:25 AM
Not to mention waste your money... $1200 for 55 gallons of lube. Wow. LMAOSo how much did you offer him for it?

Lumpy
03-10-2013, 12:30 AM
So how much did you offer him for it?

$800. Waiting for a reply...

*crosses fingers*

AdumbGuy
03-10-2013, 03:09 AM
"Hooters, hooters, yum yum yum, hooters, hooters, on a girl that's dumb"

"This donut has purple in the middle; purple is a fruit."

"Your and idiot"

Simply Red
03-10-2013, 03:14 AM
"Don't trust whitey."

this.

crazycoffey
03-10-2013, 03:39 AM
If it smells like fish, eat all you wish but if it smells like cologne, leave it alone; because that bitch is hiding something.

suzzer99
03-10-2013, 04:47 AM
Keep your car clean.

(seriously)

spanky 52
03-10-2013, 05:15 AM
First date in high school, I'm going out the door and dad says, keep your zipper up.

theelusiveeightrop
03-10-2013, 05:31 AM
Keep your mouth and your fly shut, and your eyes and ears open. From my father.

Hog Farmer
03-10-2013, 05:36 AM
If it looks like shit, smells like shit and tastes like shit then don't step in it. It's probably shit.

gochiefs_va
03-10-2013, 06:15 AM
If there's an apple, there's a banana!

crossbow
03-10-2013, 06:31 AM
Never ask a man if he is from Texas because if he is he will tell you and if he isn't then there is no point in embarassing him.

ChiefBoyRDEE
03-10-2013, 06:45 AM
walk down the hill and fuck them all

rad
03-10-2013, 07:00 AM
Wrap it in latex or she'll get your paychecks.

memyselfI
03-10-2013, 07:02 AM
Love the children you have not the ones you wish you had.

boogblaster
03-10-2013, 07:13 AM
Have fun life is short .. aka Molly Anderson .....

The Iron Chief
03-10-2013, 07:13 AM
My Uncle Ben told me once..

"With great power comes great responsibility"

The Iron Chief
03-10-2013, 07:17 AM
My Dad used to tell me this when I would tell him about how much my comicbook collection was worth....

"It's only worth what someone will pay for it."


Same though for the past 30 yrs its my wife saying it not my Dad.
Sadly with digital downloads I fear this comments becoming true.
Comics are going the way of Albums... worth a lot is fading into who cares about the real thing.
I'm tempted to begin a slow sell online...or in the far furtue will they again grow value when their are no actual printed comics and become well worth holding....its a hard call.

ChiefRocka
03-10-2013, 07:30 AM
"It is better to be healthy than wealthy"

chefs fan in omaha
03-10-2013, 07:30 AM
Your not smart enough to be a liar

LoneWolf
03-10-2013, 07:32 AM
"The dash is the only thing on that stone that is meaningful because that's where the living was".--My dad when we were visiting my Granfather's gravesite.

tmax63
03-10-2013, 07:38 AM
If you aren't in bed by 10pm you might as well put your pants on and go home.

aturnis
03-10-2013, 07:39 AM
Brings to mind "That looks like a soup sandwich", or "you could mess up buttered bread".

Mr. Laz
03-10-2013, 07:40 AM
Fake it until you make it

EagleRob
03-10-2013, 07:44 AM
My dad says "I bet if it had some hair around it you'd be able to find it"


I'm totally stealing this one! Nice!!

Mr_Tomahawk
03-10-2013, 07:47 AM
If it is to be, it is up to me.



If you want nice things, keep what you have nice.

OrtonsPiercedTaint
03-10-2013, 08:08 AM
The QBs in the next year's draft are always better.

Bwana
03-10-2013, 08:24 AM
Promises mean everything, but after they are broken, sorry means nothing. Keep your promises.

A loyal customer is very hard to get and very easy to lose. Take care of them and don't take them for granted.


On the lighter side: Never pee on an electric fence!

King_Chief_Fan
03-10-2013, 08:32 AM
100 years from now it isn't going to matter

Bwana
03-10-2013, 08:38 AM
Don't waste energy worrying about the things you can't control, focus on the things you can. (Something I have to tell myself at least once a week at work.)

rockymtnchief
03-10-2013, 08:47 AM
Pain only hurts a little while, shame lasts forever.

bevischief
03-10-2013, 08:55 AM
It takes a big dog to weigh a ton.

Cheater5
03-10-2013, 08:58 AM
Failure to pay attention to detail can get you killed.

Make the most of your opportunities.

In life it's usually not 'what' decision to make, but when.

Quite a few problems can be solved with one solid punch underneath the nose.

Lying on your deathbed, are you really going to say " I wished I'd have spent more time at work?"

Be the leader you wished you had.

ChiefRocka
03-10-2013, 09:01 AM
It's only a temporary situation.

Bwana
03-10-2013, 09:12 AM
Lying on your deathbed, are you really going to say " I wished I'd have spent more time at work?"



Or Lying on your deathbed, are you really going to say "I wish I had spent less time with the people I love and worked more."

There is nothing more important than family take the time and take care of them.

cavtrp1
03-10-2013, 09:37 AM
Don't rush to failure.

Dartgod
03-10-2013, 09:41 AM
What goes around comes around.

- My dad
Posted via Mobile Device

Nightfyre
03-10-2013, 09:43 AM
"If you can't get out of it, you might as well get into it."

Thanks pops.

stevieray
03-10-2013, 09:51 AM
(splash)

SWIM!

Tits McGee
03-10-2013, 09:52 AM
There's nothing dumber than a college kid.

Stanley Nickels
03-10-2013, 09:52 AM
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes, because then you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Thank you Mr. Handy.

suds79
03-10-2013, 09:53 AM
"I've never been hurt by something I didn't say." - Calvin Coolidge

So true

Bump
03-10-2013, 10:01 AM
"If it has tits or tires on it, eventually you are going to have some trouble with it"

gblowfish
03-10-2013, 10:01 AM
"Son, THAT is shit, and THIS is Shinola...."

2bikemike
03-10-2013, 10:03 AM
If you make something a Priority you can achieve whatever it is you are chasing.

Set a goal and do one thing everyday toward that goal, soon you will have achieved your goal.

gblowfish
03-10-2013, 10:06 AM
Actually my dad had a lot of great sayings:

"Hustle forgives a multitude of sins."
"It's easy to get in the doghouse and hard to get out."
"Memorize Yes Dear, You're Right, I'm sorry...whether you mean it or not."
"Never fall in love with your employer because he'll screw you if he has to."
"Losers have team meetings, winners just win."

PunkinDrublic
03-10-2013, 10:26 AM
Check for the Adam's apple.

Craqhead
03-10-2013, 10:41 AM
My Great Uncle.

"Never loan someone your tools, your car, or your wife. Not necessarily in that order. "

Mugalug
03-10-2013, 11:04 AM
Be a leader, not a follower.

Inmem58
03-10-2013, 11:14 AM
"Live today as if it's your last"



There was a horrible car accident my sophomore year in high school killing 2 of my best friends. Never will I forget the call when it happened. My best friends mother at the time told me this. I lived by it ever since.

It's a common quote, but it's one I'll take serious. My life has changed since Mike and Jeff died. I look at life differently, don't hold nothing back.

cardken2
03-10-2013, 11:15 AM
You treat a lady like a dame, and a dame like a lady.

cardken2
03-10-2013, 11:18 AM
“The big lesson of life is never be scared of anyone or anything. Fear is the enemy of logic.”

Fish
03-10-2013, 11:25 AM
"Dammit boy, quit humpin them goats."

Dayze
03-10-2013, 11:27 AM
Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial

KC Tattoo
03-10-2013, 11:40 AM
Promises mean everything, but after they are broken, sorry means nothing. Keep your promises.

A loyal customer is very hard to get and very easy to lose. Take care of them and don't take them for granted.


On the lighter side: Never pee on an electric fence!





LMAO & don't use poison ivy for TP.

I knew a kid in high school who did both, it was funny that it happened to that kid he was a class douchebag. From seeing what happened to that kid I thought it would be good advice to never do that myself.

tooge
03-10-2013, 11:56 AM
Don't post on chiefs planet after 10 PM

Seriously tho, it's "if, in conversation, the other person never asks about you, they really don't care and are a selfish boob"

tooge
03-10-2013, 11:58 AM
No matter how dire the situation, Always, no wait, never.....

BWillie
03-10-2013, 01:04 PM
Life is to short to work hard

Jewish Rabbi
03-10-2013, 01:07 PM
If she puts you in the friend zone, put her in the rape zone.

KChiefer
03-10-2013, 01:21 PM
Live sperm, dead sperm, what does it matter, you swallow them anyways.
/my drunken buddy

MahiMike
03-10-2013, 01:25 PM
If it Flies, Floats or Fucks, it's cheaper to rent it.

RyFo18
03-10-2013, 01:30 PM
Breaking the rules, but I wish someone would have told me not to become a Chiefs fan.

gblowfish
03-10-2013, 01:35 PM
"Don't shit where you eat."

scott free
03-10-2013, 01:51 PM
As a salesman - They're not buying that, they're buying YOU.

General - Lying is a trap.

Predarat
03-11-2013, 08:42 AM
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Predarat
03-11-2013, 08:44 AM
What good's a reward if you ain't around to use it?

Predarat
03-11-2013, 08:45 AM
Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, and I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen *anything* to make me believe that there's one all-powerful Force controlling everything. 'Cause no mystical energy field controls *my* destiny. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.

Predarat
03-11-2013, 08:46 AM
Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy! Without precise calculations we could fly right through a star, or bounce too close to a supernova and that'd end your trip real quick, wouldn't it.

Predarat
03-11-2013, 08:46 AM
Good against remotes is one thing. Good against the living, that's something else.

frankotank
03-11-2013, 08:47 AM
Don't pull anyones finger.

Dave Lane
03-11-2013, 08:47 AM
Never draft a tackle at 1.1

something cooler
03-11-2013, 08:48 AM
Go hard in the paint.

ChiefButthurt
03-11-2013, 10:11 AM
If Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy. ~~Me and millions of other married guys



Never shake another guys hand with a limp fish. Always try to break his fucking hand. ~~My Dad

Johnny Vegas
03-11-2013, 10:13 AM
son, its not always what you know, but who you know.

DJ's left nut
03-11-2013, 10:13 AM
A professor of mine in college:

"You have got to stop leading with your chin in these positions..."

He was right. I still do it on occasion, but in any kind of debate situation or even just a persuasive argument, you have to be extremely careful not to make a definite statement that leaves itself an easy loophole.

All you need in that situation is a single outlier to blow your premise out of the water and know you're backpeddling.

So in a debate, don't lead with your chin.

InChiefsHell
03-11-2013, 10:16 AM
There are a million reasons for failure, but not one excuse.

Fish
03-11-2013, 10:29 AM
If Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy. ~~Me and millions of other married guys


"Never get married, unless you're a woman."

Big Smoke
03-11-2013, 10:31 AM
Wrap your willy before you get silly.

Friggles
03-11-2013, 10:49 AM
Whether you think you can or you think you can't. Your'e right!

tooge
03-11-2013, 10:51 AM
As a salesman - They're not buying that, they're buying YOU.

General - Lying is a trap.

In sales: They they don't buy from you because they like you. they buy from you because they think you like them

kappa72202
03-11-2013, 11:12 AM
Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff!!

Saul Good
03-11-2013, 11:34 AM
If Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy. ~~Me and millions of other married guys



Never shake another guys hand with a limp fish. Always try to break his ****ing hand. ~~My Dad

Your dad is a retard. Nothing worse than some douche who thinks a handshake is supposed to be a cage fight.

CanadaKC
03-11-2013, 11:38 AM
as soon as your child is born...your life changes overnight

tomahawk kid
03-11-2013, 11:49 AM
Remember, every time you see a beautiful woman there's a man somewhere that's sick of her sh*t.

OldNewb
03-11-2013, 12:17 PM
My Air Force basic training instructor: "Airman....how in the f--k did the sperm that created you...beat out the other million?" That woke me up and got me through boot camp.

My dad: "Son...if the risk is higher than the reward, don't do it." Used that one on my kids, as well.

frankotank
03-11-2013, 12:23 PM
don't try to PIIHB if she's still sober.

KC Dan
03-11-2013, 12:25 PM
Those that can - do. Those that can't - teach

Sully
03-11-2013, 12:30 PM
Sounds stupid, but makes a lot of sense to me in down times...

"Ain't nothin' made of gold."

Xanathol
03-11-2013, 12:35 PM
Pull out.

Iowanian
03-11-2013, 12:46 PM
In HS I worked at a grocery store for a couple of years.
During that time, I had a buddy who used his lunch breaks as conjugal visits with a clerk for a couple of weeks. Usually in the ice cream freezer.

One day he said
"If you ever *have sexual relations* in the freezer, don't let your ball sack touch the ice cream cart"


Yes....I think he'd frozen his pill bag to the metal cart like a tongue on a flag pole.

Wasn't advice I've needed often, but I'd say that is pretty good advice.

notorious
03-11-2013, 12:50 PM
"Believe half of what you see, and nothing that you hear."

Good ol' Dad.

durtyrute
03-11-2013, 12:55 PM
Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff!!

I was coming in here to post that. :thumb:

KCSPORTSNUT
03-11-2013, 12:56 PM
CAN'T MEANS WON'T

shitgoose
03-11-2013, 01:03 PM
"Nothing is free"

"You can't bullshit a bullshitter"

"If it ain't broke don't fix it"


and my personal favorite...

"Never pet a burning dog"

King_Chief_Fan
03-11-2013, 01:04 PM
In God we trust

all others, cash

scho63
03-11-2013, 01:15 PM
"If it smells like cologne, leave it alone but if it smells like fish it's a tasty dish!"

Garcia Bronco
03-11-2013, 03:42 PM
"Don't fall head-over-heels on a split-tail."

OrtonsPiercedTaint
03-11-2013, 03:46 PM
"You make your own luck" didn't make the list? :P

Exoter175
03-11-2013, 03:58 PM
"Patience is a lost art"

or

"You can shove your head up a cows ass, or you can take a butchers word for it"

Fish
03-11-2013, 04:01 PM
"You can shove your head up a cows ass, or you can take a butchers word for it"

What is this supposed to mean? Take a butchers word for what?

Pestilence
03-11-2013, 04:03 PM
What is this supposed to mean? Take a butchers word for what?

That the cow has an ass.

Mizzou_8541
03-11-2013, 04:32 PM
Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.

Exoter175
03-11-2013, 04:38 PM
What is this supposed to mean? Take a butchers word for what?

Something about selling brakes.

Exoter175
03-11-2013, 04:38 PM
Probably the best one I've ever heard for an all purpose life application.

"You miss 100% of the shots you never take".

Just Passin' By
03-11-2013, 04:42 PM
I heard a few that have made a big difference.

"Most people are idiots"
"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke"
"Don't shit where you eat"
"Be better than that"

Floridafan
03-11-2013, 06:06 PM
"Better to be judged by twelve than carried by six."

angelo
03-11-2013, 06:14 PM
"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, because you did not water your own lawn".

Dad

Angelo

LOCOChief
03-11-2013, 06:19 PM
keep your tailgate up

JASONSAUTO
03-11-2013, 06:22 PM
Don't shit where you eat
Posted via Mobile Device

JASONSAUTO
03-11-2013, 06:25 PM
A professor of mine in college:

"You have got to stop leading with your chin in these positions..."

He was right. I still do it on occasion, but in any kind of debate situation or even just a persuasive argument, you have to be extremely careful not to make a definite statement that leaves itself an easy loophole.

All you need in that situation is a single outlier to blow your premise out of the water and know you're backpeddling.

So in a debate, don't lead with your chin.
Don't do it in a fight either, I tell my buddies that all the time.
Posted via Mobile Device

KC Tattoo
03-11-2013, 06:32 PM
Be careful when you stick your head into a hole you might get stung..

Wear a helmet for protection.

EdmontonChiefsFan
03-11-2013, 09:53 PM
Great minds discuss ideas

Average minds discuss events

Small minds discuss people

Enough said !

Mr. Laz
03-11-2013, 09:55 PM
it's better to pull out too soon and make a mess than pull out too late and make a baby

InChiefsHell
03-12-2013, 09:32 AM
Never dip your pen in the company ink.

FishingRod
03-12-2013, 09:50 AM
“ Yeah your gonna look real funny picking up your teeth with a broken arm”

“Hey, I don’t come down to the corner and slap the dick out of your mouth when you are working, so why are you bothering me?”

“ Yeah in if my Aunt had a dick she me my Uncle , what’s your point”