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Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 11:46 AM
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.

Why Not?
05-19-2014, 11:50 AM
Sounds crappy

theelusiveeightrop
05-19-2014, 11:50 AM
Prayers sent.

tooge
05-19-2014, 11:51 AM
may the shartz be with you

booger
05-19-2014, 11:51 AM
Gonna have to try a plunger

Rain Man
05-19-2014, 11:51 AM
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.

Dartgod
05-19-2014, 11:51 AM
Everyone knows you're full of shit.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 11:52 AM
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

http://img1.targetimg1.com/wcsstore/TargetSAS//img/p/11/45/11454275.jpg

Servant_KC
05-19-2014, 11:52 AM
Ask your boyfriend for help. Seriously surprised this would be an issue for you.

BryanBusby
05-19-2014, 11:53 AM
Taco Bell

It has me shitting in no time.

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 11:55 AM
Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

http://img1.targetimg1.com/wcsstore/TargetSAS//img/p/11/45/11454275.jpg

PREPARE FOR BATTLE

RippedmyFlesh
05-19-2014, 11:56 AM
Horrible feeling been there. Believe it or not an ER Dr recommended blueberry muffin from local chain. They were huge but did the job and tasted great. Do you drink coffee? Coffee and muffin is a sound play without bad side affects. For some reason Dr's are always less worried about this than patients.

Dante84
05-19-2014, 11:56 AM
I wonder if your system will back up, and you'll shit out your mouth?

booger
05-19-2014, 11:57 AM
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.

He's gonna need a c section. It's gotta be breach by now

Dante84
05-19-2014, 11:58 AM
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

http://img1.targetimg1.com/wcsstore/TargetSAS//img/p/11/45/11454275.jpg

That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?

PackerinMo
05-19-2014, 11:58 AM
You should have a big order of nachos with the works, jalapenos,sour cream etc., you will be shitting your ass out.

srvy
05-19-2014, 11:58 AM
There is an enema in someones future.

Dayze
05-19-2014, 11:58 AM
taco bell

PackerinMo
05-19-2014, 12:00 PM
How many days can you go without shitting before you die? This thread got me curious.

tooge
05-19-2014, 12:02 PM
You should be effaced. You should start dilating soon. Push hard, but not too hard, and breath alot. You will be fine.

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 12:02 PM
How many days can you go without shitting before you die?

I don't know but I passed on Waldo Pizza the other night because I was afraid of getting too backed up. :cuss:

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:04 PM
I routinely go 2-3 days without making a deposit.
I'm sure I'm broken. lol

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 12:05 PM
That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?

Good God no.

It's a saline laxative. All it does is draw water into the bowel. If you drank more than the recommended dosage it can cause other issues but perforation of the intestine certainly isn't one of them.

King_Chief_Fan
05-19-2014, 12:05 PM
clogged drain?...........

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:06 PM
LMAO

PackerinMo
05-19-2014, 12:06 PM
We now have a shit thread next to the Ham thread, ugh.

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 12:07 PM
Two words: obstructed bowel

That's serious shit

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:08 PM
enema time. my newphew years back was stopped up for like 4-5 days for whatever reason, and he had to get 'cleaned out'.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 12:09 PM
Two words: obstructed bowel

That's serious shit

Highly unlikely.

If he had an obstruction, he'd likely be vomiting.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 12:09 PM
enema time. my newphew years back was stopped up for like 4-5 days for whatever reason, and he had to get 'cleaned out'.

Saline laxative works just as well as is far less "intrusive".

RaiderH8r
05-19-2014, 12:09 PM
All I ask is that you do a weigh in before and after so we can truly grasp the scale of the thing.

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 12:09 PM
PS - have you seen Raggot?

booger
05-19-2014, 12:09 PM
Get a shop vac. Take the suction cup of the plunger handle. Don't throw the handle away. Could come in handy to beat that bastard if it gots hair, teeth, is breathing, and/or winks at you when it comes out. Duct tape suction cup to vac hose. Crank it up and wait awhile

srvy
05-19-2014, 12:10 PM
This and that. Because you wont make the toilet.

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:11 PM
Saline laxative works just as well as is far less "intrusive".

:hmmm: didnít know that.
I hope he didnít make the entire thing up just to have an excuse for the enema.

RaiderH8r
05-19-2014, 12:11 PM
http://d1w7nqlfxfj094.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/dumb-and-dumber-pooping-scene_o_GIFSoup.com_.gif

Required.

Dinny Bossa Nova
05-19-2014, 12:13 PM
There's a butt plug joke in there somewhere.

Dinny

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:14 PM
beads.

Otter
05-19-2014, 12:14 PM
enema time. my newphew years back was stopped up for like 4-5 days for whatever reason, and he had to get 'cleaned out'.

I routinely go 2-3 days without making a deposit.
I'm sure I'm broken. lol

I just want you to know up front that when I splice the genes together to make the Chiefs QB for 2020 your familes digestive system will not be included.

booger
05-19-2014, 12:15 PM
Quit soliciting those trannys on Craigslist man they got your shit all fucked up

gblowfish
05-19-2014, 12:15 PM
So, did GoChiefs give birth yet?
Did it look like Mount Rushmore?

And more importantly, surgery for what?
Are you a woman now?

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:15 PM
LMAO

Pasta Giant Meatball
05-19-2014, 12:17 PM
Simply is watching this thread with glee

gblowfish
05-19-2014, 12:19 PM
He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/oXouSM2JOZk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

PackerinMo
05-19-2014, 12:21 PM
He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/oXouSM2JOZk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I was thinking the same thing. ROFL

booger
05-19-2014, 12:22 PM
Enough cheap whiskey should knock that hamster out

gblowfish
05-19-2014, 12:26 PM
Enough cheap whiskey should knock that hamster out

Armageddon!!!! Armageddon!!!!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/3_Jt_g10Jug" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

hometeam
05-19-2014, 12:29 PM
Farting is prelude to shit. It will happen my son.

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:34 PM
G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip outta do it.

booger
05-19-2014, 12:34 PM
Armageddon!!!! Armageddon!!!!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/3_Jt_g10Jug" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

LMAO:thumb:

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 12:36 PM
Taco johns food binds me up

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:37 PM
maybe you shouldn't invite him over.

ChiliConCarnage
05-19-2014, 12:38 PM
Just drink a ton of beer and don't eat anything. You'll be shitting water in no time

Servant_KC
05-19-2014, 12:39 PM
Sam's would have a harder time taking a dump. Clays ass has seen more traffic than I35 in Dallas.

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:40 PM
I can eat at Taco Bell, and I feel like someone in a movie who needs to dismantle a bomb with the clock ticking down.

eDave
05-19-2014, 12:41 PM
I wonder if your system will back up, and you'll shit out your mouth?

He does that all the time.:p

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 12:43 PM
"Do you happen to have a plunger? I've been eating a lot of cheese lately."

Dayze
05-19-2014, 12:44 PM
if a muscular dude rings your doorbell asking if you want him to clean your pipes....say no. Lessoned learned on my part

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 12:45 PM
if a muscular dude rings your doorbell asking if you want him to clean your pipes....say no. Lessoned learned on my part

ROFL

Dartgod
05-19-2014, 01:03 PM
I wonder if your system will back up, and you'll shit out your mouth?

Too late.

J Diddy
05-19-2014, 01:24 PM
After heart surgery it took me a week and some laxatives. It'll come and when it does it'll be glorious.

RaiderH8r
05-19-2014, 01:54 PM
In the mean time, install a seat belt and handles on your shitter.

Fire Me Boy!
05-19-2014, 01:56 PM
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

http://img1.targetimg1.com/wcsstore/TargetSAS//img/p/11/45/11454275.jpg

Yep.

PREPARE FOR BATTLE

PREPARE TO LOSE.

booger
05-19-2014, 01:59 PM
Claythanoscopy

RaiderH8r
05-19-2014, 02:11 PM
Claythanoscopy

He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.

hometeam
05-19-2014, 02:11 PM
Just think of how good its going to feel when it comes out -

I have attached a gif that I think is appropriate.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/3748198/randy-marsh-shit-o.gif

Thank you, gentleman, you may now return to your business.

booger
05-19-2014, 02:13 PM
He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.

LMAO

That dirty butt pirate!

Marcellus
05-19-2014, 02:14 PM
Just go buy a bag of those sugar free gummy bears. Problem solved.

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:14 PM
just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 02:16 PM
Update: 3:14 PM CDT

I continue to rip farts. Strangely, the beginning of each fart feels as if it might be the turd of destiny, that lets loose the tidal wave o shit....but I remain disappointed.

A courier has been dispatched to deliver this secret "magnesium" bomb. The Anus will not stand against this chemical warfare.

booger
05-19-2014, 02:16 PM
just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)

Rectum? Damn near turned em inside out!

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:17 PM
"wave o' shit".

I didn't realize you were Irish

Buck
05-19-2014, 02:18 PM
Miralax

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:19 PM
once it's out, you should celebrate by eating a block of cheese.

booger
05-19-2014, 02:20 PM
Get in the bathtub man gonna be shit everywhere

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 02:22 PM
And have Roto Rooter on speed dial

teedubya
05-19-2014, 02:22 PM
I feel a George Brett type story on the horizon.

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:23 PM
he's gonna grow a huge tail.

booger
05-19-2014, 02:26 PM
Play your favorite wind beneath my wings cover. Trust me it helps

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:29 PM
or "Push It" by Salt n Peppa

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 02:29 PM
IT'S GO TIME

http://i.imgur.com/huw9D8zl.jpg

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:30 PM
do the power hour with it.

bevischief
05-19-2014, 02:30 PM
What did they give you?

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:31 PM
I think i need to take some of that. just to do a 'reset'.

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 02:31 PM
The shit is going to hit the fan when Kramer hears about this

LoneWolf
05-19-2014, 02:31 PM
What did they give you?

Obviously not the shits.

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:32 PM
LMAO

booger
05-19-2014, 02:32 PM
Stand on your head and get a funnel

booger
05-19-2014, 02:33 PM
Push it was my jam!

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 02:35 PM
Drank it all.

Now relaxing to John Carpenter's "Big Trouble In Little China" soundtrack.

BryanBusby
05-19-2014, 02:36 PM
A co-worker told me once that he usually downs a bottle before he goes to visit the in laws.

"They often comment about how much time I spend in the bathroom"

booger
05-19-2014, 02:37 PM
Mr miagee as egg is great in that movie

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 02:38 PM
Drank it all.

Now relaxing to John Carpenter's "Big Trouble In Little China" soundtrack.

Did it have a great lemony flavor?

Dayze
05-19-2014, 02:38 PM
I think i have a perpetual traffic jam on my H. Highway. I might need to do a Ctl+Alt+Delete

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 02:39 PM
At least it was dye free

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 02:39 PM
My center of gravity is dropping.

booger
05-19-2014, 02:41 PM
Quick pull your finger!

ptlyon
05-19-2014, 02:42 PM
You should put a liner in a garbage can and weigh it

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 02:53 PM
Had a false alarm. FARTS!

BryanBusby
05-19-2014, 02:56 PM
Get another bottle and butt chug it.

Fire Me Boy!
05-19-2014, 02:57 PM
Get another bottle and butt chug it.

ROFL

That's just evil.

booger
05-19-2014, 03:00 PM
Twins... Gonna need c section dude. Can you feel it's heartbeat yet?

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:01 PM
You should put a liner in a garbage can and weigh it

LMAO

LiveSteam
05-19-2014, 03:03 PM
have you come up with a name for it yet?

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:04 PM
Cassel coming out of your Pioli

bevischief
05-19-2014, 03:04 PM
have you come up with a name for it yet?

Jr.

LiveSteam
05-19-2014, 03:05 PM
Baby Cassel,thats a great name. Be sure & take pics of baby Cassel

Sweet Daddy Hate
05-19-2014, 03:06 PM
I'd name it "Davis".

Dante84
05-19-2014, 03:07 PM
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/3748198/randy-marsh-shit-o.gif

booger
05-19-2014, 03:07 PM
Good point. Bad luck not to name it

mikey23545
05-19-2014, 03:07 PM
http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/835/okeb.jpg (https://imageshack.com/i/n7okebj)

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:07 PM
it's a Trap!

LoneWolf
05-19-2014, 03:08 PM
it's a Crap!

FYP

bevischief
05-19-2014, 03:10 PM
Have you applied for a SSN# for it yet?

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:10 PM
don't forget the DipTet H.I.

booger
05-19-2014, 03:13 PM
Name it Marmaduke cause it will likely bark coming out

hometeam
05-19-2014, 03:14 PM
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/3748198/randy-marsh-shit-o.gif

Q

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:16 PM
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/3595197/ace-ventura-rhino-escape-o.gif (http://gifsoup.com/view/3595197/ace-ventura-rhino-escape.html) URL]

[URL=http://gifsoup.com/view/2008615/ace-ventura.html]http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2008615/ace-ventura-o.gif (http://gifsoup.com) GIFSoup (http://gifsoup.com)

teedubya
05-19-2014, 03:16 PM
I just dropped a huge shit in your honor. I named it Clay Wendler and everything.

J Diddy
05-19-2014, 03:19 PM
I just dropped a huge shit in your honor. I named it Clay Wendler and everything.

You should have named it the claw

Jakemall
05-19-2014, 03:28 PM
IT'S GO TIME

http://i.imgur.com/huw9D8zl.jpg

If that doesn't work, there's only two ways to escalate things. Neither are fun. Good luck!!!

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:31 PM
http://www.houstonfreeways.com/images/desktop/retrospective/traffic_jam_rita.jpg

Rain Man
05-19-2014, 03:32 PM
This reminds me a lot of the pitch drop thread: http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=277727&highlight=pitch

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:33 PM
LMAO

Sfeihc
05-19-2014, 03:40 PM
May the Force be with you, Clay.

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 03:44 PM
Ughhhhh come on

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 03:49 PM
May the Force be with you, Clay.

I sense a presence. In my colon.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 03:49 PM
Miralax

Is a bulk-forming laxative that won't help him in this situation.

Sfeihc
05-19-2014, 03:49 PM
Ughhhhh come on

Use the Force, Clay.

http://members.shaw.ca/david.p.z.888/star_wars/pics/obi-wan_kenobi.jpg

Marcellus
05-19-2014, 03:50 PM
Is a bulk-forming laxative that won't help him in this situation.

You sure seem to know your shit. :evil:

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:50 PM
like when it thunders before toradic activity.

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 03:51 PM
The time of reckoning is nigh.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 03:51 PM
I sense a presence. In my colon.

It will be gone soon. Will you miss it?

booger
05-19-2014, 03:51 PM
Just take the plunger to it man. It's all that can save you!

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 03:51 PM
You sure seem to know your shit. :evil:

I sure do. :D

Dayze
05-19-2014, 03:52 PM
it'll be like giving up a new baby for adoption / :(

Fire Me Boy!
05-19-2014, 03:52 PM
The time of reckoning is nigh.

You feeling the downtown pushdown?

Servant_KC
05-19-2014, 03:53 PM

teedubya
05-19-2014, 03:54 PM
You gonna put the photo of your shit on Fecesbook?

Saulbadguy
05-19-2014, 03:55 PM
take pics and upload them as soon as you poop!!!

hometeam
05-19-2014, 03:56 PM
TBH I have shit 5 times already since I have been at work. I had golden corral yesterday and in order to 'get my money worth' I ate waaaaaaaaaaaay too much.

Maybe that will act as inspiration. If I can do it, you can too.

mikey23545
05-19-2014, 03:58 PM
Look!

A star in the east!

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 04:09 PM
false alarm

hometeam
05-19-2014, 04:11 PM
false alarm

http://www.jcprojects.net/qqblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/son_i_am_disappoint.gif

Superturtle
05-19-2014, 04:13 PM
Shoot some coffee up your asshole.

Servant_KC
05-19-2014, 04:20 PM
http://quizilla.teennick.com/user_images/W/WI/WIL/WillowsSting/1139805510_gay-dating.jpg

This picture should get you ready.

srvy
05-19-2014, 04:26 PM
I think its gonna be a grapeshot turd.

Little balls of disappointment. Very unsatisfying.

hometeam
05-19-2014, 04:29 PM
I think its gonna be a grapeshot turd.

Little balls of disappointment. Very unsatisfying.

I'm betting its the plug type. A nice compact ball on one end, but once you break the seal all hell will break loose. Loose being the operative word.

OnTheWarpath58
05-19-2014, 04:34 PM
Jesus. Guessing you're taking some pain pills from the surgery?

I remember when I had an inguinal hernia surgery. They did it the old fashioned way - not laproscopically - and between the pain pills clogging me up and not having any strength in my core, it was a rough week.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

SAUTO
05-19-2014, 04:37 PM
Miralax
Posted via Mobile Device

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 04:45 PM
USUL HAS CALLED A BIG ONE

http://i.imgur.com/YKJHvKQ.jpg

booger
05-19-2014, 04:47 PM
Man up a push that sucker out sugar tits!

OnTheWarpath58
05-19-2014, 04:48 PM
I'm not sure why I keep checking this thread - I'm genuinely concerned I'm going to scroll down and see a pic of a bowl so full it's drydocked.

Rams Fan
05-19-2014, 04:50 PM
Do you have a large collection of magazines to read while thy almighty shit is passed?

bevischief
05-19-2014, 04:50 PM
USUL HAS CALLED A BIG ONE

http://i.imgur.com/YKJHvKQ.jpg

LMAOLMAO

Pasta Giant Meatball
05-19-2014, 04:55 PM
A midget came out of his arse!!!

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 05:00 PM
nope, just a spice dream

Holladay
05-19-2014, 05:00 PM
I wouldn't want to be around when he blows/pops. I would suggest to go to a public restroom. It's gonna sound like you dropped a watermelon in the toilet. Also, you don't have to clean up the mess:)

RealSNR
05-19-2014, 05:01 PM
Miralax

Yep

RealSNR
05-19-2014, 05:06 PM
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/nP1lN50OGlE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 05:07 PM
Yep

No!

Miralax might make it worse. At the very least, it takes 2-3 days to work.

Never fear though, he drank an entire bottle of magnesium citrate. This will all be over shortly.

booger
05-19-2014, 05:08 PM
That thing is really gonna stretch your star fish

Chief Pote
05-19-2014, 05:11 PM
I call bullshit. I had to drink a gallon of that lemony shit, 30 minutes tops and you're shitting your pants.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 05:13 PM
I call bullshit. I had to drink a gallon of that lemony shit, 30 minutes tops and you're shitting your pants.

It could take up to 2 hours.

SAUTO
05-19-2014, 05:15 PM
No!

Miralax might make it worse. At the very least, it takes 2-3 days to work.

Never fear though, he drank an entire bottle of magnesium citrate. This will all be over shortly.
My daughter takes miralax and shits very soon afterward.


It works or her like a champ
Posted via Mobile Device

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 05:18 PM
My daughter takes miralax and shits very soon afterward.


It works or her like a champ
Posted via Mobile Device

Does she take it regularly?

BigRedChief
05-19-2014, 05:20 PM
Without reading this thread, is it worthy of Hall of Classics consideration yet?

SAUTO
05-19-2014, 05:20 PM
Does she take it regularly?

Not anymore. Long story. But it will still push her through if she has issues
Posted via Mobile Device

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 05:20 PM
Without reading this thread, is it worthy of Hall of Classics consideration yet?

Not yet. He's still working it up.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 05:22 PM
Not anymore. Long story. But it will still push her through if she has issues
Posted via Mobile Device

Interesting. The active ingredient should take at least 24 hours to work and more often 2-3 days. Regular use can change that, though.

For what Clay is going through, I definitely wouldn't recommend it. Especially not over magnesium citrate, which is as close to a miracle cure as you're ever going to find.

SAUTO
05-19-2014, 05:26 PM
He should just take out his plug.
Posted via Mobile Device

TribalElder
05-19-2014, 05:27 PM
Currently in progress


Oh... Wait..... Mission complete

Tombstone RJ
05-19-2014, 05:27 PM
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.

oh don't worry, you will shit. Actually you won't do a conventional crap, it will be more like diarrhea on steroids.

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 05:28 PM
Jesus. Guessing you're taking some pain pills from the surgery?

I remember when I had an inguinal hernia surgery. They did it the old fashioned way - not laproscopically - and between the pain pills clogging me up and not having any strength in my core, it was a rough week.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

Yep.

Also no strength in my core right now.

I feel bloated as fuck.

TribalElder
05-19-2014, 05:31 PM
Taco Bell to the rescue!

Simplicity
05-19-2014, 05:32 PM
Sounds like shits about to go down.

bevischief
05-19-2014, 05:35 PM
Without reading this thread, is it worthy of Hall of Classics consideration yet?

Maybe after he gives birth...

OnTheWarpath58
05-19-2014, 05:38 PM
http://i.imgur.com/ssBZhCs.gif

T-Town
05-19-2014, 05:38 PM
Epsom salt works for me everytime.

Dante84
05-19-2014, 05:38 PM
boner alert

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 05:39 PM
Epsom salt works for me everytime.

Magnesium citrate has essentially the same effect (Epsom salts are actually magnesium sulfate) and it tastes a bit better.

J Diddy
05-19-2014, 05:43 PM
Ask for the suppository laxative and don't chicken out like I did. Make the nurse insert it

lcarus
05-19-2014, 05:46 PM
Is it from the pain pill?

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 05:47 PM
Is it from the pain pill?

I guess. At this point if I can deal with the pain tonight I'm going to sleep without it.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 05:51 PM
I guess. At this point if I can deal with the pain tonight I'm going to sleep without it.

If you're taking an opioid/opiate painkiller, that's definitely a potential source of your problem.

JoeyChuckles
05-19-2014, 05:51 PM
What's an indian bean? Sounds racist.

lcarus
05-19-2014, 05:52 PM
I guess. At this point if I can deal with the pain tonight I'm going to sleep without it.

Yeah those pain killers will clog you up. Especially them percocets.

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 05:53 PM
What's an indian bean? Sounds racist.

Looks the same going in as coming out...

http://veggiecookbook.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/dsc03204tn.jpg

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 05:54 PM
If you're taking an opioid/opiate painkiller, that's definitely a potential source of your problem.

No shit?

lcarus
05-19-2014, 05:55 PM
No shit at all

Buzz
05-19-2014, 05:58 PM
When I had knee surgery I didn't crap for 5 days and they wouldn't let me out of the hospital untll I did. I finally crapped a baseball size turd and it hurt like hell!

Dante84
05-19-2014, 06:03 PM
You should go get your colon cleansed.

They put a hose in your butt, spray all up in it, and then it shoots out like a chocolate fountain (but into a hose, I think).

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 06:05 PM
Got some pressure building...

LoneWolf
05-19-2014, 06:07 PM
C'mon, shit fucker. I have to teach a class in 30 minutes and I don't want to have to keep pulling up ChiefsPlanet on the big screen during the class.

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 06:09 PM
http://i.imgur.com/soKLdVr.jpg

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 06:10 PM
got some gurgling...little rumbling....is this it!??

LoneWolf
05-19-2014, 06:11 PM
Less memes more shitting. Hurry up.

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 06:12 PM
brb

http://www.michaeljacksoncelebrityclothing.com/MJ-Pics/MJ%20This%20Is%20It%20Photos/1165.jpg

New World Order
05-19-2014, 06:13 PM
brb

http://www.michaeljacksoncelebrityclothing.com/MJ-Pics/MJ%20This%20Is%20It%20Photos/1165.jpg



LMAO

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 06:13 PM
No shit?

Yes, absolutely.

Opium-derived painkillers cause constipation for just about everybody that takes them. It's one of the top 2 or 3 most common side effects. I never mentioned it before because I figured you already knew that.

htismaqe
05-19-2014, 06:13 PM
C'mon, shit fucker. I have to teach a class in 30 minutes and I don't want to have to keep pulling up ChiefsPlanet on the big screen during the class.

ROFL

Dayze
05-19-2014, 06:14 PM
You should go get your colon cleansed.

They put a hose in your butt, spray all up in it, and then it shoots out like a chocolate fountain (but into a hose, I think).

"I think "

lol

LoneWolf
05-19-2014, 06:16 PM
brb

http://www.michaeljacksoncelebrityclothing.com/MJ-Pics/MJ%20This%20Is%20It%20Photos/1165.jpg

http://media3.giphy.com/media/ELNmnJchjJId2/200_s.gif

ghak99
05-19-2014, 06:18 PM
Try squeezing your head.

T-Town
05-19-2014, 06:18 PM
To the shit?

Hog's Gone Fishin
05-19-2014, 06:19 PM
.Pulling for you Clay. Get that crap flowin

Dayze
05-19-2014, 06:23 PM
Try squeezing your head.

LMAO

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 06:30 PM
Negative, negative. Just impacted on the surface.

http://porkins.home.insightbb.com/Rebel/Pilots/redleader.JPG

TribalElder
05-19-2014, 06:35 PM
Did you hear about the mathematician who solved the problem of constipation?

eDave
05-19-2014, 06:36 PM
Join us in chat!

booger
05-19-2014, 06:40 PM
Might have to go to the twat dr and they pull it out with salad tongs. I saw it on true stories of the er on tlc

T-Town
05-19-2014, 06:52 PM
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/TqO5ZecWC2A?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Jakemall
05-19-2014, 06:55 PM
http://pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/15187/220.jpg

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvdaLS2NnfmxOSh77JNDpTCB6ZvgU41FO7KKg996f562O9PDMEc38ujR37zyLIkRMewgCIenb_&usqp=CAE

Either of these will work...you probably won't enjoy them...but they will flush away the problem...literally.

Buzz
05-19-2014, 06:59 PM
Look on the bright side, after wiping your bung hole raw and your finger pokes through the toilet paper you will no longer be a virgin.

bevischief
05-19-2014, 07:05 PM
Look on the bright side, after wiping your bung hole raw and your finger pokes through the toilet paper you will no longer be a virgin.

LMAO

booger
05-19-2014, 07:09 PM
For old times sake
http://youtu.be/zHW5RVvg2v4

SAUTO
05-19-2014, 07:11 PM
Look on the bright side, after wiping your bung hole raw and your finger pokes through the toilet paper you will no longer be a virgin.

You do realize who you are talking to, don't you?
Posted via Mobile Device

bevischief
05-19-2014, 07:13 PM
You do realize who you are talking to, don't you?
Posted via Mobile Device

LMAO

Marcellus
05-19-2014, 07:14 PM
Ultimate troll going on. You all are waiting on an epic shit that will never happen.

InChiefsHell
05-19-2014, 07:14 PM
Welp, hope everything comes out OK.

Flachief58
05-19-2014, 07:15 PM
Look on the bright side,
you will no longer be a virgin.

That ship sailed a looong time ago

mdchiefsfan
05-19-2014, 07:16 PM
Ultimate troll going on. You all are waiting on an epic shit that will never happen.

Exactly what I was thinking. There are some funny comments here, but anyone who really thought Clay would have shat the first time and let you guys off the hook, is crazy.

Buzz
05-19-2014, 07:20 PM
You do realize who you are talking to, don't you?
Posted via Mobile Device


;)

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 07:24 PM
Exactly what I was thinking. There are some funny comments here, but anyone who really thought Clay would have shat the first time and let you guys off the hook, is crazy.

I'm the boy who cried shite

-King-
05-19-2014, 07:24 PM
Better just get an old spoon and scoop it out at this point...

mdchiefsfan
05-19-2014, 07:26 PM
I'm the boy who cried shite

LMAO

Davechief
05-19-2014, 08:03 PM
I had the ol colonoscopy procedure done last year. Maybe you could get your doc to prescribe you some of the stuff they use for the prep. I swear I shit out stuff from the 70's after downing that.

ThaVirus
05-19-2014, 08:13 PM
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.

eDave
05-19-2014, 08:14 PM
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.

Grape soda?

bevischief
05-19-2014, 08:22 PM
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.

LMAO

ChiTown
05-19-2014, 08:23 PM
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.

Green? Layoff off the late night anti-freeze shooters.....

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 08:23 PM
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so.

Spinach FTW!

RaiderH8r
05-19-2014, 08:24 PM
All I ask is that he post weight before and after the deposit. It's a great past time I have with my bro at thanksgiving. We weigh in before we eat, after we eat, and after we shit.

Men. We are awesome.

ThaVirus
05-19-2014, 08:37 PM
Spinach FTW!


Nope, my diet is far from high in leafy greens.

Google says I either have Crohn's or my shit is just passing through my intestines too quickly.

bevischief
05-19-2014, 08:47 PM
Nope, my diet is far from high in leafy greens.

Google says I either have Crohn's or my shit is just passing through my intestines too quickly.

I don't remember my wife who has Crohn's for over 20 years she has never said anything about it being green.

Rams Fan
05-19-2014, 09:27 PM
Has Clay shit yet?


Nope.

LoneWolf
05-19-2014, 09:49 PM
http://junkuchan.org/j/src/127804436248.jpg

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 10:08 PM
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/JxxNvfVfDB0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

http://i.imgur.com/sTMWxbrl.jpg

RaiderH8r
05-19-2014, 10:10 PM
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/JxxNvfVfDB0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

http://i.imgur.com/sTMWxbrl.jpg

Not gonna look. What's the weight differential?

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 10:11 PM
Not gonna look. What's the weight differential?

I don't have a scale, sorry.

I sure feel better though. Gonna go eat dinner! :evil:

PS - I had to chop it up to make sure it flushed.

J Diddy
05-19-2014, 10:19 PM
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.

WebMD is a great website. It says you have 2 months to live before you die from AIDS but in reality all you have is an allergy problem

BeeHo
05-19-2014, 10:23 PM
be one with the poop. then you can move the poop.

65TPT
05-19-2014, 10:50 PM
Didn't you lose a bet? Your username should be something shittier than the one you have.

LiveSteam
05-19-2014, 11:01 PM
Clay ate a Dingo's bay-bay

LiveSteam
05-19-2014, 11:02 PM
http://i.imgur.com/sTMWxbrl.jpg

Good God man LMAOLMAOLMAOLMAOLMAOLMAOLMAO

booger
05-19-2014, 11:05 PM
Did you cry?

SDChiefs
05-19-2014, 11:06 PM
it amazes me that your single.

TimBone
05-19-2014, 11:30 PM
God damn it. I can't believe I actually just saw a picture of Clay's shit.

Bob Dole
05-19-2014, 11:37 PM
Nope, my diet is far from high in leafy greens.

Google says I either have Crohn's or my shit is just passing through my intestines too quickly.

Or you are drinking too much grape soda...

Hammock Parties
05-19-2014, 11:49 PM
As it turns out taking too many laxatives in a 48-hour period can lead to some stomach discomfort. Oy vey.