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KC native
12-19-2014, 11:09 AM
So I've seen many of you guys bitch about not getting blow jobs frequently.

How often do you get them? Or in katipan's/luv's/billay's case, how often do you give them?

Oral is part of foreplay for my wife and I so I get head just about every time before we fuck. U jelly?

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 11:10 AM
Haven't got one since 2013. Before that I got a partial blowie twice in 2012. Before that a handful of times in 2010.

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:11 AM
Haven't got one since 2013. Before that I got a partial blowie twice in 2012. Before that a handful of times in 2010.

You need to level up your talking to chicks skill tree.

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 11:12 AM
You need to level up your talking to chicks skill tree.

I've tapped out for the next two years with the now ended conversation with a Tinder chick.

Because Discuss Thrower

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 11:15 AM
Whenever I want. Why do you think I got married?

Eleazar
12-19-2014, 11:16 AM
Where's the grape gatorade option?

Baby Lee
12-19-2014, 11:17 AM
Whenever I want. Why do you think I got married?

Married? Is that what they're calling rib resection these days?

Katipan
12-19-2014, 11:18 AM
Often enough to make whatever guy I'm doing it to forget that I must have done it a bunch of other times too.

Nightfyre
12-19-2014, 11:18 AM
Well, the wife has been sick for a week so, that creates some noise in the dataset.

ThaVirus
12-19-2014, 11:19 AM
I've tapped out for the next two years with the now ended conversation with a Tinder chick.



Because Discuss Thrower


Did you ruin it by being a morose weirdo?

Eleazar
12-19-2014, 11:19 AM
Where is the "not interested, let's get down to business" option?

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:22 AM
Whenever I want. Why do you think I got married?

This guy gets it.

If your wife/gf/significant other isn't giving up the oral sex then you fucked up.

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:23 AM
Often enough to make whatever guy I'm doing it to forget that I must have done it a bunch of other times too.

LMAO

SAUTO
12-19-2014, 11:23 AM
This guy gets it.

If your wife/gf/significant other isn't giving up the oral sex then you fucked up.

exactly

Dayze
12-19-2014, 11:23 AM
it's been so long that if it happened now, i'd probably call the police and tell them I'm being attacked.

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:23 AM
Where is the "not interested, let's get down to business" option?

You are not American sir. Please find the nearest exit and move to Canadia or Iceland or something.

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:25 AM
it's been so long that if it happened now, i'd probably call the police and tell them I'm being attacked.

Does your wife not love you?

Dayze
12-19-2014, 11:26 AM
Does your wife not love you?

I'm starting to wonder LMAO

sedated
12-19-2014, 11:27 AM
Where is the "not interested, let's get down to business" option?

kinda agree with this one. its only a few minutes before I'm saying "I wish this was in your vagina instead"

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 11:28 AM
Did you ruin it by being a morose weirdo?

If by that you mean not be the most exciting person to ever walk the face of the planet, sure.

That's the thing with Tinder et al as dude. You're competing against a ton of other dudes for attention, and if there's really nothing to differentiate yourself from the others then you're toast.

At the end of the day it was just nice to message someone for a bit.

RockChalk
12-19-2014, 11:28 AM
Where is the "not interested, let's get down to business" option?

This. Never really cared much about BJ's. Only was excited by them if sex wasn't an option.

I'll take sex over a BJ any day.

Cave Johnson
12-19-2014, 11:29 AM
I've tapped out for the next two years with the now ended conversation with a Tinder chick.

Because Discuss Thrower

Hold on. You're abandoning talking to chicks for 2 years because a Tinder convo went bad??

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 11:30 AM
This guy gets it.

If your wife/gf/significant other isn't giving up the oral sex then you fucked up.

You want a ring on it? I do too! /points downward

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 11:32 AM
Seriously though, I assume sex and oral and all that is pretty much a non issue for guys under 40. We liberated those bitches. From thongs to twerking. Our hard work has paid off. If not, you really did fuck up.

Eleazar
12-19-2014, 11:32 AM
This. Never really cared much about BJ's. Only was excited by them if sex wasn't an option.

I'll take sex over a BJ any day.

That's why there is a week every month called hummer week!

Cave Johnson
12-19-2014, 11:33 AM
If by that you mean not be the most exciting person to ever walk the face of the planet, sure.

That's the thing with Tinder et al as dude. You're competing against a ton of other dudes for attention, and if there's really nothing to differentiate yourself from the others then you're toast.

At the end of the day it was just nice to message someone for a bit.

No offense, but you definitely need to implement the middle step of most post-breakup plans. If you're not an interesting person, make yourself an interesting person.

STEP 3: REBUILD AND IMPROVE. When you’re in a relationship, you rarely realize just how much time goes into hanging out with your significant other. After a break-up, you suddenly have all that time to yourself. Treat it like it a gift, and fill those hours with new activities and new people. Take a cooking or bartending class. Join a running club or a yoga studio or a CrossFit gym — something that improves your body and introduces you to new people. Volunteer at a hospital or an animal shelter or a tutoring center. Become a better, stronger, smarter person.

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2013/06/definitive-post-breakup-guide-ksk-mailbag.html#ixzz3MMkvXxEY

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:35 AM
kinda agree with this one. its only a few minutes before I'm saying "I wish this was in your vagina instead"

A few minutes of head is better than no minutes of head.

beach tribe
12-19-2014, 11:36 AM
Anytime I want. Learn how to barter.

I can get a BJ in the car, while watching football, whenever I want.

C'mon, baby. Let's make a deal.
Usually only costs me a 15 min message.

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:37 AM
Seriously though, I assume sex and oral and all that is pretty much a non issue for guys under 40. We liberated those bitches. From thongs to twerking. Our hard work has paid off. If not, you really did fuck up.

LMAO

Yes, the increased ease of access to porn has helped tremendously.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 11:37 AM
Blow jobs are foreplay. I love my wife enough to not blow in her mouth...often...

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:38 AM
No offense, but you definitely need to implement the middle step of most post-breakup plans. If you're not an interesting person, make yourself an interesting person.



http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2013/06/definitive-post-breakup-guide-ksk-mailbag.html#ixzz3MMkvXxEY

He is a lost cause.

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:38 AM
Blow jobs are foreplay. I love my wife enough to not blow in her mouth...often...

Exactly this.

beach tribe
12-19-2014, 11:39 AM
Often enough to make whatever guy I'm doing it to forget that I must have done it a bunch of other times too.

We'd get along.

beach tribe
12-19-2014, 11:39 AM
Blow jobs are foreplay. I love my wife enough to not blow in her mouth...often...

She loves me enough not to mind.

Sorter
12-19-2014, 11:39 AM
Anytime I want. Learn how to barter.

I can get a BJ in the car, while watching football, whenever I want.

C'mon, baby. Let's make a deal.
Usually only costs me a 15 min message.

Wait a minute.

You're telling me you send girls a Rico post and you can get insta-fellatio?

beach tribe
12-19-2014, 11:40 AM
On a side note, the GF before this one never spilled or spit a drop.

You'd think that shit had Tussin' in it.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 11:41 AM
She loves me enough not to mind.

Mine too, hence the "often" but I'd rather give her what we both really want is all. That's just what's best in my house.YMMV

beach tribe
12-19-2014, 11:41 AM
Wait a minute.

You're telling me you send girls a Rico post and you can get insta-fellatio?

What can I say, the girl is a reader.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 11:41 AM
Wait a minute.

You're telling me you send girls a Rico post and you can get insta-fellatio?

ROFL ROFL ROFL

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:41 AM
Wait a minute.

You're telling me you send girls a Rico post and you can get insta-fellatio?

LMAO

Sorter
12-19-2014, 11:41 AM
On a side note, the GF before this one never spilled or spit a drop.

You'd think that shit had Tussin' in it.

LMAO

Rudy won the toss
12-19-2014, 11:42 AM
One minute of penis sucking before sex is not a blowjob.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 11:43 AM
One minute of penis sucking before sex is not a blowjob.

1 minute of foreplay is the leading cause of divorce I'd guess.

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 11:44 AM
Hold on. You're abandoning talking to chicks for 2 years because a Tinder convo went bad??

Nah. I began that nine months ago. I kept up messaging the Tinder chick because she started it and was curious to see how far I could go before I'd stop getting replies.

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:45 AM
One minute of penis sucking before sex is not a blowjob.

Neither is sticking it in your farm animals' mouths.

Yes, all aggie fans are animal fuckers.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 11:46 AM
Nah. I began that nine months ago. I kept up messaging the Tinder chick because she started it and was curious to see how far I could go before I'd stop getting replies.

Ladies and gentlemen, the new Keg in KC.

beach tribe
12-19-2014, 11:49 AM
Mine too, hence the "often" but I'd rather give her what we both really want is all. That's just what's best in my house.YMMV

Her rationale is that when we get down to business, it's a whole production.

She's got to get hers first, and that takes a while. But she knows how to hit my release valve in about 3 min. With a 3 yr old in the house it's quicker and easier just to get me off when I need it, and then I always end up giving her hers during that rico post.
I'm really fucking loving the way things are now. She's pretty hot, so I can really need some relief at any given moment.
We have been together for 5 years, and went through a really dry period after the kid....it was not easy for me.
Now it's like twice a week or more. I can definitely live with that.

Cave Johnson
12-19-2014, 11:50 AM
Nah. I began that nine months ago. I kept up messaging the Tinder chick because she started it and was curious to see how far I could go before I'd stop getting replies.

Fire up that Pip Boy and allocate more points to Charisma.

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 11:51 AM
Fire up that Pip Boy and allocate more points to Charisma.

How about points in employment beyond freelance writing at $50 a job and announcing for $10/hr for 10 hours a month?

srvy
12-19-2014, 11:54 AM
Everyone knows the ring goes on the blowies stop.

Kids let this be a lesson for you. Avoid the ring as long as possible. Or stash Ho money.

KC native
12-19-2014, 11:55 AM
Everyone knows the ring goes on the blowies stop.

Kids let this be a lesson for you. Avoid the ring as long as possible. Or stash Ho money.

Not true.

Garcia Bronco
12-19-2014, 11:58 AM
Gents,

If your woman won't go down you might need to clean up the area. If that fails, shame her into it.

"Really? Wow. Every girl I've ever been with does this."

ThaVirus
12-19-2014, 11:59 AM
Nah. I began that nine months ago. I kept up messaging the Tinder chick because she started it and was curious to see how far I could go before I'd stop getting replies.

Post the convo here.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 11:59 AM
Gents,

If your woman won't go down you might need to clean up the area. If that fails, shame her into it.

"Really? Wow. Every girl I've ever been with does this."

LMAO

"honey...15 pieces of flare is the minimum. You do want to do more than the minimum, don't you"?

Cave Johnson
12-19-2014, 11:59 AM
How about points in employment beyond freelance writing at $50 a job and announcing for $10/hr for 10 hours a month?

That too.

SAUTO
12-19-2014, 12:00 PM
Blow jobs are foreplay. I love my wife enough to not blow in her mouth...often...

me too. or at least without a heads up

Graystoke
12-19-2014, 12:00 PM
Everyone knows the ring goes on the blowies stop.

Kids let this be a lesson for you. Avoid the ring as long as possible. Or stash Ho money.

I don't think this is Universal Truth.
I am in the camp that Oral is part of a healthy sexual relationship.
That being said, I am healthy

Baby Lee
12-19-2014, 12:02 PM
Where is the "not interested, let's get down to business" option?

kinda agree with this one. its only a few minutes before I'm saying "I wish this was in your vagina instead"

This I don't get.

A ladygarden is a lush patch of land, but a mouth, a mouth has . . . dexterity.

Vagslappin' is like a good roller coaster, throw your hands in the air and ride like your hair's on fire.

But a BJ with a modicum of expertise. Often is the time I black out, and wake up later like I'd hibernated all winter with a sammich and beer on the night table. Bitch could've robbed me blind in the mean time.

BJ's turn me into a fainting goat.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/xsAgNl1p974" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Baby Lee
12-19-2014, 12:03 PM
LMAO

"honey...15 pieces of flare is the minimum. You do want to do more than the minimum, don't you"?

You know who else gave blow jobs? The Nazis, that's who.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 12:04 PM
LMAO

Katipan
12-19-2014, 12:05 PM
If you guys sucked a little more dick you'd know that you all like it differently.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 12:05 PM
If you guys sucked a little more dick you'd know that you all like it differently.

I'm not falling for this again.

Katipan
12-19-2014, 12:06 PM
I'm not falling for this again.

ROFL

TimBone
12-19-2014, 12:07 PM
I created a poll about this with my original account. In that thread we learned that Guru does not like blow jobs and he doesn't understand why anybody would make their wife do that.

Baby Lee
12-19-2014, 12:08 PM
I'm not falling for this again.

ROFL - from now on your avatar will be moaning 'I picked the wrong week to stop sucking cock.'

Mr. Laz
12-19-2014, 12:09 PM
oral sex is overrated imo


never really ask for it or whatever, it rarely occurs

Donger
12-19-2014, 12:09 PM
Whenever I can pin her down.

Bufkin
12-19-2014, 12:11 PM
Anytime I want. Learn how to barter.

I can get a BJ in the car, while watching football, whenever I want.

C'mon, baby. Let's make a deal.
Usually only costs me a 15 min message.
That's so cool that you're willing to give your husband a blowjob in exchange for a harmless massage. You're a righteous dude.

JD10367
12-19-2014, 12:12 PM
I try not to give it to guys that often.

Wait... that wasn't in the poll? nm

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 12:13 PM
Often enough to make whatever guy I'm doing it to forget that I must have done it a bunch of other times too.

check your pm's...

ThaVirus
12-19-2014, 12:15 PM
check your pm's...

LMAO

Demonpenz
12-19-2014, 12:16 PM
never get married problem solved.

Fire Me Boy!
12-19-2014, 12:23 PM
I try not to give it to guys that often.

Wait... that wasn't in the poll? nm


Check your PM's.

MTG#10
12-19-2014, 01:04 PM
I could get it more often than I do but my girlfriend is so terrible at it I usually stop her about 5 minutes in anyway.

:(

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 01:07 PM
Post the convo here.

A lot of small talk.

gblowfish
12-19-2014, 01:10 PM
Real gentlemen don't talk about this kind of thing.









Right Clay?

KC native
12-19-2014, 01:10 PM
I could get it more often than I do but my girlfriend is so terrible at it I usually stop her about 5 minutes in anyway.

:(

Use porn to teach her.

My wife used to be terrible at it too.

KC native
12-19-2014, 01:11 PM
A lot of small talk.

CP is a lot of small talk.

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 01:16 PM
CP is a lot of small talk.

I won't say 75% of the shit I say here in real life.

ThaVirus
12-19-2014, 01:16 PM
A lot of small talk.

CP is a lot of small talk.

Truth.

Post it, Eeyore.

KC native
12-19-2014, 01:17 PM
I won't say 75% of the shit I say here in real life.

You should. It would make you a more interesting person.

Just Passin' By
12-19-2014, 01:18 PM
I could get it more often than I do but my girlfriend is so terrible at it I usually stop her about 5 minutes in anyway.

:(

Have her consult with Katipan and JD10367 for guidance.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 01:19 PM
I could get it more often than I do but my girlfriend is so terrible at it I usually stop her about 5 minutes in anyway.

:(

unfortunately, the same applies in my situation. LMAO

KC native
12-19-2014, 01:23 PM
unfortunately, the same applies in my situation. LMAO
.
Use porn to teach her.

My wife used to be terrible at it too.

Clarification: She was terrible at it when we were dating. So that would have been sophomore year in college.

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 01:25 PM
You should. It would make you a more interesting person.

Right. Because I'm sure I enthrall this fora with tales of how much of a mancrush I have on Christopher Nolan and how exciting the life of a high school sports announcer is.

:rolleyes:

Dayze
12-19-2014, 01:26 PM
I wish.
I can pretty much guarantee that won't happen. pron is the devil / 'disgusting' LMAO


I'm defeated. i fought the good fight for years. Just don't care anymore lol.
too fucking tired 1/2 the time anyway. so I've got that going for me.

ottawa_chiefs_fan
12-19-2014, 01:26 PM
You need to add a Y-axis - "Years married"

Just Passin' By
12-19-2014, 01:28 PM
Right. Because I'm sure I enthrall this fora with tales of how much of a mancrush I have on Christopher Nolan and how exciting the life of a high school sports announcer is.

:rolleyes:


Add more things to your portfolio. It's not tough to do, even if you're low on funds. Libraries are free, museums are usually reasonably prices, etc...

Katipan
12-19-2014, 01:28 PM
Have her consult with Katipan and JD10367 for guidance.

I got so far as to have the conversation about what options would be available if the other person couldn't have sex anymore. For whatever reason.

I am very thorough.

Mr. Plow
12-19-2014, 01:29 PM
Or in katipan's/luv's/billay's case, how often do you give them?

LMAO

KC native
12-19-2014, 01:30 PM
Right. Because I'm sure I enthrall this fora with tales of how much of a mancrush I have on Christopher Nolan and how exciting the life of a high school sports announcer is.

:rolleyes:

defeatist attitude is defeatist.

Be proud of your geekdom. Some chicks think that is attractive. Women have repeatedly told me my passion about geeky stuff is attractive (finance, F1 racing, etc).

KC native
12-19-2014, 01:31 PM
I wish.
I can pretty much guarantee that won't happen. pron is the devil / 'disgusting' LMAO


I'm defeated. i fought the good fight for years. Just don't care anymore lol.
too fucking tired 1/2 the time anyway. so I've got that going for me.

LMAO

You sound like Discuss now.

Sully
12-19-2014, 01:31 PM
I wish.
I can pretty much guarantee that won't happen. pron is the devil / 'disgusting' LMAO


I'm defeated. i fought the good fight for years. Just don't care anymore lol.
too fucking tired 1/2 the time anyway. so I've got that going for me.
Dude...

ROFL

Dayze
12-19-2014, 01:32 PM
girls like confidence. you don't have to be confident in some crazy-awesome abilities like being a fighter pilot. whatever you do/enjoy and are confident about, go with that.

:shrug:

whatever 'it' is you have, be confident with it and run with it.

Baby Lee
12-19-2014, 01:32 PM
unfortunately, the same applies in my situation. LMAO

Well do MTG#10 a solid and give her some pointers.

Katipan
12-19-2014, 01:33 PM
Well no. If you're not excited about being a high school sports announcer, then no, I don't want to hear about it.

But if you love it. If you love the kids, the atmosphere, the booth. If it's the tradition, or the smells, or the sounds that keep drawing you back. If it mattered to you in any way, I would.

KILLER_CLOWN
12-19-2014, 01:34 PM
I'm starting to wonder LMAO

Try the..well your sister and her friend like it option...hmmmmmmmmmm

and just leave it there..it works.....however once is starts happening on a regular basis u will probably want it from the sis and other hotties. lolz

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 01:37 PM
Well no. If you're not excited about being a high school sports announcer, then no, I don't want to hear about it.

But if you love it. If you love the kids, the atmosphere, the booth. If it's the tradition, or the smells, or the sounds that keep drawing you back. If it mattered to you in any way, I would.

If that doesn't wake him up nothing will. I'm about to change his name to Discuss in KC.

Edit: not really, for those who throw fits over that sort of thing.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 01:37 PM
I should probably also make sure my wife knows that Two Girls 1 Cup is not the Shawshank Redemption or Godfather of pron.

Sorter
12-19-2014, 01:37 PM
Right. Because I'm sure I enthrall this fora with tales of how much of a mancrush I have on Christopher Nolan and how exciting the life of a high school sports announcer is.

:rolleyes:

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/57310298.jpg

Graystoke
12-19-2014, 01:44 PM
I wish.
I can pretty much guarantee that won't happen. pron is the devil / 'disgusting' LMAO


I'm defeated. i fought the good fight for years. Just don't care anymore lol.
too ****ing tired 1/2 the time anyway. so I've got that going for me.

Haha! Dude.
My Wife thinks Pron is stupid. In fact, at 48 years of age she has "Claimed" to never even seen pron. The way she screws I call BS.

On a side note Dayze. Have you ever just tried walking around naked doing the PeniCopter move. Woman can't resist the Penicopter. Tip...add sound effects

Cave Johnson
12-19-2014, 01:48 PM
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/57310298.jpg

You fox-eared asshole.

ARROW2
12-19-2014, 01:51 PM
This guy gets it.

If your wife/gf/significant other isn't giving up the oral sex then you ****ed up.




This is true.

Rain Man
12-19-2014, 01:53 PM
Well no. If you're not excited about being a high school sports announcer, then no, I don't want to hear about it.

But if you love it. If you love the kids, the atmosphere, the booth. If it's the tradition, or the smells, or the sounds that keep drawing you back. If it mattered to you in any way, I would.

I would imagine that it smells a lot like teen spirit.

Katipan
12-19-2014, 01:54 PM
My kids sing a song that references Kurt Cobain and have no idea who Nirvana is. :(

Dayze
12-19-2014, 01:56 PM
Haha! Dude.
My Wife thinks Pron is stupid. In fact, at 48 years of age she has "Claimed" to never even seen pron. The way she screws I call BS.

On a side note Dayze. Have you ever just tried walking around naked doing the PeniCopter move. Woman can't resist the Penicopter. Tip...add sound effects

:hmmm:

this is a pro-tip.

hometeam
12-19-2014, 01:58 PM
Bad choices.

I get it every night she is on her period, plus randomly at other times~

Katipan
12-19-2014, 01:59 PM
omg I was (and am) so delighted with my current's body that I used to stare at him hungrily all the time. He'd get flattered and wave his thing at me.

It got really silly years ago but I don't want to hurt his feelings so I still giggle and smile. And roll my eyes as soon as it's safe.

Graystoke
12-19-2014, 02:01 PM
omg I was (and am) so delighted with my current's body that I used to stare at him hungrily all the time. He'd get flattered and wave his thing at me.

It got really silly years ago but I don't want to hurt his feelings so I still giggle and smile. And roll my eyes as soon as it's safe.

So your saying you like the Penicopter move...right?

Katipan
12-19-2014, 02:02 PM
So your saying you like the Penicopter move...right?

yes baby you are so hot

Graystoke
12-19-2014, 02:03 PM
yes baby you are so hot

Dayze...take note

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 02:05 PM
Right. Because I'm sure I enthrall this fora with tales of how much of a mancrush I have on Christopher Nolan and how exciting the life of a high school sports announcer is.

:rolleyes:

Maaan what? you shouldnt feel that way about either of those things, especially calling games... thats a cool and fun gig I'm sure, you're a sports fan and work in that field, whats not to love?

Dont go all xztop on us, your jawline is fine... buck up brah, the chicks will only be as excited about what you do as you are.

Donger
12-19-2014, 02:06 PM
I am getting blown tomorrow though. She put it on her shared calendar.

LMAO

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 02:07 PM
You fox-eared asshole.

BABOU! HE REMEMBERS ME

Discuss Thrower
12-19-2014, 02:10 PM
It got really silly years ago but I don't want to hurt his feelings so I still giggle and smile. And roll my eyes as soon as it's safe.

Don't eyeroll the conditioned response *you* created there, Ms. Skinner.

sedated
12-19-2014, 02:12 PM
Bad choices.

I get it every night she is on her period, plus randomly at other times~

put a towel down and do your business.

Titty Meat
12-19-2014, 02:14 PM
Why is KC Nitwit asking other men about bjs tho

Donger
12-19-2014, 02:16 PM
Why is KC Nitwit asking other men about bjs tho

Maybe his wife could suck start a leaf blower, and wants to compare notes?

Katipan
12-19-2014, 02:23 PM
Don't eyeroll the conditioned response *you* created there, Ms. Skinner.

Why? It's not like you've seen me complain about this for years. I'm not complaining about it now. One smile and a giggle and the man is a strutting peacock. If that isn't worthy of an eye roll, nothing is.

dls6501
12-19-2014, 02:24 PM
Pole =/= Poll

KC native
12-19-2014, 02:25 PM
Why is KC Nitwit asking other men about bjs tho

Because I saw someone complaining about never getting head in one of the threads I was reading earlier and it sparked my curiosity as to how shitty some of the CP posters' sex lives are.

KC native
12-19-2014, 02:25 PM
Pole =/= Poll

That was intentional.

Donger
12-19-2014, 02:26 PM
So I've seen many of you guys bitch about not getting blow jobs frequently.

How often do you get them? Or in katipan's/luv's/billay's case, how often do you give them?

Oral is part of foreplay for my wife and I so I get head just about every time before we ****. U jelly?

I am curious, however. How often does she finish?

RaiderH8r
12-19-2014, 02:29 PM
I only make her give me the last half because I'm a fuckin' gentleman.

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 02:34 PM
I only make her give me the last half because I'm a ****in' gentleman.

LMAO thats the only half that matters.

Detoxing
12-19-2014, 02:45 PM
If i went down on my wife everyday, i'd get a BJ everyday.

She really enjoys giving while receiving.

booger
12-19-2014, 02:58 PM
I've got the current one to close her good eye while in the act. She has a lazy eye and when you factor in my crank has a slight bend to it... Poor gal thought I was wiggling and teasing her before. Now it fits like a glove. 69 took some getting used to and her dislexia don't help. But we practice lots and I'm pretty sure the disfigurmemt of her ears from guiding her is not permanent

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 02:59 PM
If i went down on my wife everyday, i'd get a BJ everyday.

She really enjoys giving while receiving.

Yup, I've always found that being willing to give greatly enhances ones chances of being able to receive... and fortunately for me, I'm like a buck in rut when it comes to that, few things turn me on more than getting down on some clean musk.

I get that scent in my nostrils and hoooweee!

loochy
12-19-2014, 03:02 PM
I've got the current one to close her good eye while in the act. She has a lazy eye and when you factor in my crank has a slight bend to it... Poor gal thought I was wiggling and teasing her before. Now it fits like a glove. 69 took some getting used to and her dislexia don't help. But we practice lots and I'm pretty sure the disfigurmemt of her ears from guiding her is not permanent

Wut

BigMeatballDave
12-19-2014, 03:03 PM
fortunately for me, I'm like a buck in rut when it comes to that, few things turn me on more than getting down on some clean musk.

I get that scent in my nostrils and hoooweee!
LOL Fucking this!

Sorter
12-19-2014, 03:04 PM
I've got the current one to close her good eye while in the act. She has a lazy eye and when you factor in my crank has a slight bend to it... Poor gal thought I was wiggling and teasing her before. Now it fits like a glove. 69 took some getting used to and her dislexia don't help. But we practice lots and I'm pretty sure the disfigurmemt of her ears from guiding her is not permanent

LMAOLMAOLMAO

booger
12-19-2014, 03:05 PM
Wut

I'm getting her an eye patch for Christmas

booger
12-19-2014, 03:11 PM
LMAOLMAOLMAO

If she understood golf and the difference between a hook and a slice this would've been much easier!

Big Smoke
12-19-2014, 03:11 PM
Dayze has some rotten cock going on is what I'm thinking.

booger
12-19-2014, 03:16 PM
Yup, I've always found that being willing to give greatly enhances ones chances of being able to receive... and fortunately for me, I'm like a buck in rut when it comes to that, few things turn me on more than getting down on some clean musk.

I get that scent in my nostrils and hoooweee!

Yep! Stuff is like catnip

El Jefe
12-19-2014, 03:18 PM
Does your wife not love you?

No doubt, I don't understand that. One of my buddies has a long time girlfriend of 5 years, he swears that he has only got a bj one time and it wasn't to completion, he said his gf says its too gross. Every time my wife and I have sex that's how we start. I eat a lot of box and she returns the favor every time we have sex. I thought everybody used oral as a warm up/foreplay prior to saxxing it up.

El Jefe
12-19-2014, 03:20 PM
I am curious, however. How often does she finish?

I will field this question out of my relationship with my wife, just to keep the topic going. My wife will give me oral and I will give her oral to orgasm at least 1-2 times a week, the other 1-2 times is sex. When you have a woman who knows how to give a good blow job, it can be almost as good as sex, almost.

El Jefe
12-19-2014, 03:24 PM
I am getting blown tomorrow though. She put it on her shared calendar.

LMAO


That is funny but true, during really busy times, or when our work schedules don't match well, we will go a good 3-4 days and it feels like a year. Kind of like having sex without condoms and then having to have sex with condoms. You don't realize how great it is until you have to go from no condom to sing a condom. Frequency is the same when you only have sex 1-2 times a week you get used to it, so if you have a week where you do 3-4 times its just awesome, but when you have sex 3-4 times a week normally and then go a week where you only have it once it is just plain terrible.

El Jefe
12-19-2014, 03:26 PM
I've got the current one to close her good eye while in the act. She has a lazy eye and when you factor in my crank has a slight bend to it... Poor gal thought I was wiggling and teasing her before. Now it fits like a glove. 69 took some getting used to and her dislexia don't help. But we practice lots and I'm pretty sure the disfigurmemt of her ears from guiding her is not permanent

Yeah I feel that........wait wut?

Dayze
12-19-2014, 03:29 PM
Dayze has some rotten cock going on is what I'm thinking.

it probably smells like motorcycles and freedom down there.


so I'm not really sure what the problem is. Probably going to spritz a little Stetson or Aqua Velva down there to sweeten the deal.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:31 PM
I am getting blown tomorrow though. She put it on her shared calendar.

LMAO

ROFL

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:32 PM
Why? It's not like you've seen me complain about this for years. I'm not complaining about it now. One smile and a giggle and the man is a strutting peacock. If that isn't worthy of an eye roll, nothing is.

I actually think it's sweet that you go out of your way to keep his dignity, and self confidence in tact.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:34 PM
I am curious, however. How often does she finish?

Whenever I want her too. No pressure either, which probably helps my cause. I genuinely prefer finishing inside of her versus in her mouth. Every once in awhile though...

You weren't asking me, but I'm rarely open enough to discuss this shit, so I figured I'd finish the story.

booger
12-19-2014, 03:35 PM
Yeah I feel that........wait wut?

Wendy already had the lazy eye when she became a vet tech. Then she got kicked in the head by a mule. Sometimes she can't see straight

Katipan
12-19-2014, 03:35 PM
It is so bizarre that anyone would think that everyone would do anything the same.

No thanks on the 2-3 times a week of box eating. We're on limited time around here and there are 1000 better things we could be doing.

Katipan
12-19-2014, 03:37 PM
I actually think it's sweet that you go out of your way to keep his dignity, and self confidence in tact.

Thank you. Such an easy gift and he smiles for hours. But sometimes I want to try and ring toss it with whatever I have handy.

Donger
12-19-2014, 03:38 PM
Whenever I want her too. No pressure either, which probably helps my cause. I genuinely prefer finishing inside of her versus in her mouth. Every once in awhile though...

You weren't asking me, but I'm rarely open enough to discuss this shit, so I figured I'd finish the story.

Interesting. I get to finish in her mouth on rare occasions (hopefully tomorrow). But, I'm like a fire hose, so I can't really blame her. I wouldn't want me to come in my mouth, either.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 03:40 PM
Interesting. I get to finish in her mouth on rare occasions (hopefully tomorrow). But, I'm like a fire hose, so I can't really blame her. I wouldn't want me to come in my mouth, either.

LMAO

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:40 PM
It is so bizarre that anyone would think that everyone would do anything the same.

No thanks on the 2-3 times a week of box eating. We're on limited time around here and there are 1000 better things we could be doing.

I receive far more often than I give, but I make up for it in many other ways. She loves it, and I try to keep it special by limiting how much I do it. Don't get me wrong, I never say no, but she usually leaves it too me to do that because I'm a fucking Savage down there and she doesn't want that to ever change. It's genuinely a major part of keeping our 12 year relationship fresh, and letting her know she's adored.


Thank you. Such an easy gift and he smiles for hours. But sometimes I want to try and ring toss it with whatever I have handy.

ROFL

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:42 PM
Interesting. I get to finish in her mouth on rare occasions (hopefully tomorrow). But, I'm like a fire hose, so I can't really blame her. I wouldn't want me to come in my mouth, either.

I wish you luck. If I know I can fill up a gallon container I absolutely won't do it to her. Why would I want to ruin a good thing?

Katipan
12-19-2014, 03:43 PM
I think it's sweet. I think it's stimulating. I think it's wonderful that the more dick we suck the more box you men are willing to eat. I'm just saying, personally...

It cracks me up.

Have your wives take pictures of what you people look like when you're doing it. You'll crack up too.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 03:44 PM
I receive far more often than I give, but I make up for it in many other ways. She loves it, and I try to keep it special by limiting how much I do it. Don't get me wrong, I never say no, but she usually leaves it too me to do that because I'm a ****ing Savage down there and she doesn't want that to ever change. It's genuinely a major part of keeping our 12 year relationship fresh, and letting her know she's adored.




ROFL

http://images.ftw.usatoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/vandam.gif

Donger
12-19-2014, 03:45 PM
I wish you luck. If I know I can fill up a gallon container I absolutely won't do it to her. Why would I want to ruin a good thing?

Thanks.

Donger
12-19-2014, 03:46 PM
I think it's sweet. I think it's stimulating. I think it's wonderful that the more dick we suck the more box you men are willing to eat. I'm just saying, personally...

It cracks me up.

Have your wives take pictures of what you people look like when you're doing it. You'll crack up too.

I've never really been into cunnilingus. Thankfully, the wife isn't either. Unless it happens literally within a few minutes of her showering, it doesn't happen.

ChiTown
12-19-2014, 03:48 PM
I've never really been into cunnilingus. Thankfully, the wife isn't either. Unless it happens literally within a few minutes of her showering, it doesn't happen.

She's just being nice. Get down there and starting eating, and leave the bib on the table

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:49 PM
http://images.ftw.usatoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/vandam.gif

ROFL

booger
12-19-2014, 03:51 PM
When your young and you put your arm up to your mouth to make fart noises... Try that on a smooth giner. Fun times

ChiTown
12-19-2014, 03:51 PM
When your young and you put your arm up to your mouth to make fart noises... Try that on a smooth giner. Fun times

LMAO

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:52 PM
She's just being nice. Get down there and starting eating, and leave the bib on the table

This. I'm not playing the e-manliness card when I say this, but she'd like it better if you tried harder to please her. Unless she has a mental hang up with her own box, which is not uncommon I guess.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:53 PM
When your young and you put your arm up to your mouth to make fart noises... Try that on a smooth giner. Fun times

LMAO

Dayze
12-19-2014, 03:53 PM
I'd just like to point out how much I love the term 'box'
LMAO

Pablo
12-19-2014, 03:55 PM
Donger, do you slip your dick through your pajama bottoms(White Dave Chappelle skit style) when you and the wife get that hot and heavy missionary action going?

booger
12-19-2014, 03:56 PM
LMAO

Best to get to know her a little first. Tried that one a first date years ago and wound up with her heel print on my forehead

Just Passin' By
12-19-2014, 03:56 PM
I'd just like to point out how much I love the term 'box'
LMAO

Mama's got a squeeze box....

El Jefe
12-19-2014, 03:56 PM
It is so bizarre that anyone would think that everyone would do anything the same.

No thanks on the 2-3 times a week of box eating. We're on limited time around here and there are 1000 better things we could be doing.

I don't know a much better way to do foreplay than to make out---Oral---Sex. All can be done within 30 minutes depending on weather conditions ;)

On your last note, one statement sums up my thoughts about eating box "happy wife, happy life".

Katipan
12-19-2014, 03:56 PM
I'd just like to point out how much I love the term 'box'
LMAO

My girl can't wrestle but you should see her box.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 03:57 PM
LMAO

Katipan
12-19-2014, 03:58 PM
I don't know a much better way to do foreplay than to make out---Oral---Sex. All can be done within 30 minutes depending on weather conditions ;)

On your last note, one statement sums up my thoughts about eating box "happy wife, happy life".

Ok but that's your problem. Not everyone elses.

It's like saying I should only like vanilla ice cream.
There's chocolate.
Or vanilla with sprinkles.

Or a goddamn apple.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 03:58 PM
ROFL is my favorite word for it

Donger
12-19-2014, 03:59 PM
This. I'm not playing the e-manliness card when I say this, but she'd like it better if you tried harder to please her. Unless she has a mental hang up with her own box, which is not uncommon I guess.

She does, yes. It probably didn't help that years ago (pre-marriage) we discussed it and I piped up and said, "What!? There's nothing wrong with your vagina. I've eaten some nasty cooter in my days, and your's is actually really nice!"

Katipan
12-19-2014, 03:59 PM
I tried humming once but it's not so sexy when it's the star spangled banner you're humming.

Donger
12-19-2014, 04:00 PM
Donger, do you slip your dick through your pajama bottoms(White Dave Chappelle skit style) when you and the wife get that hot and heavy missionary action going?

I don't wear pajamas.

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 04:00 PM
She does, yes. It probably didn't help that years ago (pre-marriage) we discussed it and I piped up and said, "What!? There's nothing wrong with your vagina. I've eaten some nasty cooter in my days, and your's is actually really nice!"

ROFL that is fucking hilarious!

booger
12-19-2014, 04:01 PM
LMAO

Worst part is finding one who gets off on it. It's fun and hilarious but I damn near passed out running out of breath numerous times!

Dayze
12-19-2014, 04:01 PM
I bet Donger refers to his wang as "The Oil Rig"

Katipan
12-19-2014, 04:03 PM
Worst part is finding one who gets off on it. It's fun and hilarious but I damn near passed out running out of breath numerous times!

I wish we were doing secret santa.

http://www.amazon.com/Glow-N-Dark-Pussy-Snorkel/dp/B001D26Q16

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41tGpFZNcXL.jpg

booger
12-19-2014, 04:04 PM
I tried humming once but it's not so sexy when it's the star spangled banner you're humming.

You can do it put your ass into it... Or is it back into it how the song goes?

Mr. BackseatModNuts
12-19-2014, 04:04 PM
I wish we were doing secret santa.

http://www.amazon.com/Glow-N-Dark-Pussy-Snorkel/dp/B001D26Q16

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41tGpFZNcXL.jpg

Oh wow. LMAO I'm...I'm...I'm totally getting one of those!

ChiTown
12-19-2014, 04:04 PM
She does, yes. It probably didn't help that years ago (pre-marriage) we discussed it and I piped up and said, "What!? There's nothing wrong with your vagina. I've eaten some nasty cooter in my days, and your's is actually really nice!"

cooter? really?

You might want to change up your vernacular about your wife's pussy around your wife. Maybe try.........Meat Wallet?

Donger
12-19-2014, 04:05 PM
cooter? really?

You might want to change up your vernacular about your wife's pussy around your wife. Maybe try.........Meat Wallet?

That's actually her name for her vagina.

Kman34
12-19-2014, 04:05 PM
The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for cheap flights. "I love you!" she said, then she got all excited, un-zipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing blow job ever......


Which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before!

booger
12-19-2014, 04:06 PM
I wish we were doing secret santa.

http://www.amazon.com/Glow-N-Dark-Pussy-Snorkel/dp/B001D26Q16

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41tGpFZNcXL.jpg

:LOL: bookmarked :thumb:

ChiTown
12-19-2014, 04:06 PM
That's actually her name for her vagina.

Seriously? That's awesome......:LOL:

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 04:06 PM
it probably smells like motorcycles and freedom down there.

ROFL

Fire Me Boy!
12-19-2014, 04:07 PM
That's actually her name for her vagina.


Why? Does it look like Ben Jones?

ChiTown
12-19-2014, 04:08 PM
it probably smells like motorcycles and freedom down there.


so I'm not really sure what the problem is. Probably going to spritz a little Stetson or Aqua Velva down there to sweeten the deal.

Go with Hai Karate - especially if you are rocking a 70's pube 'fro

Dayze
12-19-2014, 04:09 PM
Go with Hai Karate - especially if you are rocking a 70's pube 'fro

LMAO

Pablo
12-19-2014, 04:09 PM
My wife tells me she'd blow me more if I'd stop ripping the most heinous farts known to man around her 24/7. I just get too much joy out of decimating the air any chance I get.

These things sound like a cross between deer bleats and thunder and smell like raw sewage. Can't saw that I blame her, but I'm not going to cut out the farting. It's one of my favorite things in the world to take a lovely, serene week-night living room and turn it into some sort of dumpster/swamp/roadkill center.

Kman34
12-19-2014, 04:09 PM
I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..

booger
12-19-2014, 04:10 PM
Go with Hai Karate - especially if you are rocking a 70's pube 'fro

:LOL: Jew Bush

Dayze
12-19-2014, 04:10 PM
I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..

LMAO

Kman34
12-19-2014, 04:10 PM
What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 04:16 PM
My wife tells me she'd blow me more if I'd stop ripping the most heinous farts known to man around her 24/7. I just get too much joy out of decimating the air any chance I get.

These things sound like a cross between deer bleats and thunder and smell like raw sewage. Can't saw that I blame her, but I'm not going to cut out the farting. It's one of my favorite things in the world to take a lovely, serene week-night living room and turn it into some sort of dumpster/swamp/roadkill center.

No sympathy AT ALL lol, you dont deserve head with your antics.

Any girl I ever dated would find herself without the services of my tongue if she thrilled to the smell and sound of the farts she ripped in front of me.

booger
12-19-2014, 04:24 PM
Reminds me of drinking underage at this dive bar back in '99 or so. Closing time I played kiss me where it smells funny on the jukebox and that old tart took me home and really tought me how to properly glaze a ham

ChiTown
12-19-2014, 04:35 PM
Reminds me of drinking underage at this dive bar back in '99 or so. Closing time I played kiss me where it smells funny on the jukebox and that old tart took me home and really taught me how to properly glaze a ham

LMAO

Dayze
12-19-2014, 04:36 PM
Reminds me of drinking underage at this dive bar back in '99 or so. Closing time I played kiss me where it smells funny on the jukebox and that old tart took me home and really tought me how to properly glaze a ham

I really don't even know what this means LMAO

eDave
12-19-2014, 04:39 PM
It's always LSF for me when engaging in coitus.

ChiTown
12-19-2014, 04:41 PM
I really don't even know what this means LMAO

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Glaze+the+ham

Donger
12-19-2014, 04:46 PM
Why?

I've never asked, so I don't know.

Does it look like Ben Jones?

I don't know who that is or what he looks like, so I don't know.

booger
12-19-2014, 04:49 PM
I really don't even know what this means LMAO

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Glaze+the+ham

:thumb:

Good looking out Chi

BigRedChief
12-19-2014, 04:49 PM
This thread is evolving into potential Hall of Classics material.

smells like motorcycles and freedom down there ROFL

eDave
12-19-2014, 04:52 PM
The T-Rex:

When you are doing a girl from behind, preferably close to the edge of the bed, and you grab her by the shoulders and lift her up. This results in her swinging her arms aimlessly like a T-Rex while making moaning noises.

"Dude.. what was all that noise.."
"Oo.. I t rexed that bitch"
"Sahweet"

Pairs well with a donkey punch.

Katipan
12-19-2014, 05:03 PM
The T-Rex:

When you are doing a girl from behind, preferably close to the edge of the bed, and you grab her by the shoulders and lift her up. This results in her swinging her arms aimlessly like a T-Rex while making moaning noises.

"Dude.. what was all that noise.."
"Oo.. I t rexed that bitch"
"Sahweet"

Pairs well with a donkey punch.

I would think a large percentage of women would just put her hands on your hands.

The amputee or stubby.



Bonus points for everyone that just touched their shoulders and looked at their elbows.

booger
12-19-2014, 05:11 PM
You Put the bald man in
You pull the bald man out
And you shake it all around
That's what it's all about

Rain Man
12-19-2014, 05:32 PM
I tried humming once but it's not so sexy when it's the star spangled banner you're humming.

I don't know about that. Those high notes at the rockets' red glare are pretty likely to lead to bombs bursting in air.

Katipan
12-19-2014, 05:33 PM
I don't know about that. Those high notes at the rockets' red glare are pretty likely to lead to bombs bursting in air.

I hum like Barry White.

booger
12-19-2014, 05:40 PM
I try sweet home Alabama but it always sounds more like La Bamba

mdchiefsfan
12-19-2014, 05:42 PM
Couple times every three weeks.

Fire Me Boy!
12-19-2014, 05:50 PM
I've never asked, so I don't know.



I don't know who that is or what he looks like, so I don't know.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eqJBl7RpTjE/TzlTx_EfbDI/AAAAAAAAZMg/FIlRXfp1iEY/s400/cooter.jpeg

Donger
12-19-2014, 05:53 PM
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eqJBl7RpTjE/TzlTx_EfbDI/AAAAAAAAZMg/FIlRXfp1iEY/s400/cooter.jpeg

LMAO

Wow. Is that Dukes of Hazzard? If so, I'm going to have some fun tonight when she and the kids get home.

Donger
12-19-2014, 05:54 PM
Okay, well at least she's not alone (I guess):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooter

Fire Me Boy!
12-19-2014, 05:54 PM
LMAO

Wow. Is that Dukes of Hazzard? If so, I'm going to have some fun tonight when she and the kids get home.

Yes.

:D

Donger
12-19-2014, 06:10 PM
His nickname was "Crazy Cooter"?

LMAO

Mischief commences... And she won't get too mad, because it's my birthday tomorrow and she takes those seriously.

Katipan
12-19-2014, 06:13 PM
His nickname was "Crazy Cooter"?

LMAO

Mischief commences... And she won't get too mad, because it's my birthday tomorrow and she takes those seriously.

We are 3 days apart.

That explains so much.

eDave
12-19-2014, 06:16 PM
All instances of coitus MUST include oral, both ways. No question. It's simply barbaric otherwise.

Katipan
12-19-2014, 06:18 PM
All instances of coitus MUST include oral, both ways. No question. It's simply barbaric otherwise.

When I can hang from a shower curtain rod by my ankle instead?

No thanks.

Donger
12-19-2014, 06:20 PM
We are 3 days apart.

That explains so much.

Wife's is the 18th. We should have a threesome next year.

Donger
12-19-2014, 06:21 PM
All instances of coitus MUST include oral, both ways. No question. It's simply barbaric otherwise.

Do you have kids?

Katipan
12-19-2014, 06:22 PM
Wife's is the 18th. We should have a threesome next year.

My step dad's is the 16th, can't we just trade?

Your wife is hot but Cooter was never my favorite character.

eDave
12-19-2014, 06:23 PM
When I can hang from a shower curtain rod by my ankle instead?

No thanks.

Patience my dear.

Donger
12-19-2014, 06:23 PM
My step dad's is the 16th, can't we just trade?

Your wife is hot but Cooter was never my favorite character.

LMAO

Happy belated birthday, by the way. I hope you had a good one.

booger
12-19-2014, 06:28 PM
When I can hang from a shower curtain rod by my ankle instead?

No thanks.

Image from http://www.dogstiltingtheirheads.com/sites/dogstiltingtheirheads.com/files/imagecache/normal/upload/u0/tilt/dsc_3257.jpg.

RaiderH8r
12-19-2014, 06:33 PM
All instances of coitus MUST include oral, both ways. No question. It's simply barbaric otherwise.

Damn right. We're not animals. We live in a society.

brucey_72
12-19-2014, 06:51 PM
I have been with my wife for 3 years and have never received a completed blow job from her, she has given me head for a minute or so on a few special occasions

Big Smoke
12-19-2014, 06:53 PM
I have been with my wife for 3 years and have never received a completed blow job from her, she has given me head for a minute or so on a few special occasions

And how often do you munch her box?

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 06:56 PM
His nickname was "Crazy Cooter"?

LMAO

Mischief commences... And she won't get too mad, because it's my birthday tomorrow and she takes those seriously.

Just tell her you only like two things with your beer, doughnuts and pussy... and you're fresh outta doughnuts.

eDave
12-19-2014, 06:57 PM
And how often do you munch her box?


THANK you. Eloquently put by the way. Gotta give to receive I say. It's just polite.

keg in kc
12-19-2014, 06:58 PM
What is this "sex" thing I keep hearing about?

brucey_72
12-19-2014, 07:01 PM
And how often do you munch her box?

Whenever she asks, one of my favorite things about sex. I love giving more than receiving but damn I really want to receive sometimes

eDave
12-19-2014, 07:03 PM
Whenever she asks, one of my favorite things about sex. I love giving more than receiving but damn I really want to receive sometimes

Yea.... That sucks (no pun intended). Maybe you suck at it.

Learn the Greek alphabet.

Also, 69. Leaves her with no choice in the matter.

brucey_72
12-19-2014, 07:09 PM
Yea.... That sucks (no pun intended). Maybe you suck at it.

Learn the Greek alphabet.

Also, 69. Leaves her with no choice in the matter.

Nah, I think I am pretty good, she asks for it all the time. She just refused to give head. I know the reason why and totally understand the reason. So I don't push it

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 07:29 PM
I know the reason why and totally understand the reason. So I don't push it

Did she have a bad experience in her younger days, too many guys too much?

I was with a girl for 6 months like that, she'd do ANY damn thing but swallow because of an ugly incident in her past... I guess thats what happens to girls from an "escort service" without the muscle a pimp is supposed to provide.

But yeah, you're anonymous brucey 72 on the web... what was her deal, why wouldnt she go down?

lewdog
12-19-2014, 07:33 PM
Nah, I think I am pretty good, she asks for it all the time. She just refused to give head. I know the reason why and totally understand the reason. So I don't push it

While most of us on CP are only working with a 10-12 incher, you've got that monster 16" working. I see why she doesn't want to as well.

keg in kc
12-19-2014, 07:34 PM
No matter how much she begs, he's not willing to get rid of his big bushy pube-fro.

go bo
12-19-2014, 07:35 PM
If that doesn't wake him up nothing will. I'm about to change his name to Discuss in KC.

Edit: not really, for those who throw fits over that sort of thing.

fuck 'em...

eDave
12-19-2014, 07:37 PM
Did she have a bad experience in her younger days, too many guys too much?

I was with a girl for 6 months like that, she'd do ANY damn thing but swallow because of an ugly incident in her past... I guess thats what happens to girls from an "escort service" without the muscle a pimp is supposed to provide.

But yeah, you're anonymous brucey 72 on the web... what was her deal, why wouldnt she go down?

True story: First time my ex swallowed. She directed the action, I obliged. A bit later we were getting some food and she talked with food in her mouth. I jokingly said "don't talk with your mouth full". Well, she went off thinking I was referencing the earlier swallow. Try as I might, I couldn't convince her it was just a silly joke and in no way was I referencing the swallow. I bailed out and went to take a shower.

Moment later, she kicked in my glass shower door wielding a 12 inch knife at me, seeting, with eyes that could kill you alone and threatening to kill me. I bolted out, grabbed the knife hand, slammed it against the wall, dislodging the knife. I eventually made it to my phone and dialed 911. I hope she is doing well.

lewdog
12-19-2014, 07:43 PM
True story: First time my ex swallowed. She directed the action, I obliged. A bit later we were getting some food and she talked with food in her mouth. I jokingly said "don't talk with your mouth full". Well, she went off thinking I was referencing the earlier swallow. Try as I might, I couldn't convince her it was just a silly joke and in no way was I referencing the swallow. I bailed out and went to take a shower.

Moment later, she kicked in my glass shower door wielding a 12 inch knife at me and threatening to kill me. I bolted out, grabbed the knife hand, slammed it against the wall, dislodging the knife. I eventually made it to my phone and dialed 911. I hope she is doing well.

That's Jodi Arias crazy!!! No drugs or therapy can fix that.

Glad you're ok.

keg in kc
12-19-2014, 08:00 PM
If that doesn't wake him up nothing will. I'm about to change his name to Discuss in KC.If that's some kind of a shot at me then kindly go fuck yourself.

Dayze
12-19-2014, 08:07 PM
Go with Hai Karate - especially if you are rocking a 70's pube 'fro

I just found a retro commercial for Hai Karate. LMAO


Dude....well played.

Buzz
12-19-2014, 08:09 PM
:popcorn:

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 08:11 PM
True story: First time my ex swallowed. She directed the action, I obliged. A bit later we were getting some food and she talked with food in her mouth. I jokingly said "don't talk with your mouth full". Well, she went off thinking I was referencing the earlier swallow. Try as I might, I couldn't convince her it was just a silly joke and in no way was I referencing the swallow. I bailed out and went to take a shower.

Moment later, she kicked in my glass shower door wielding a 12 inch knife at me, seeting, with eyes that could kill you alone and threatening to kill me. I bolted out, grabbed the knife hand, slammed it against the wall, dislodging the knife. I eventually made it to my phone and dialed 911. I hope she is doing well.

Whoa bro, what should've been a harmless inside joke escalated to attempted murder? Uh yeah, its time to RUN FOR DA CHOPPA at that point... even the girl I was with wasnt that crazy, she actually enjoyed weird jokes about her past to a point.

But that one final act was strictly verboten.

Kman34
12-19-2014, 08:12 PM
After 28 years of marriage my wife was kind of meh about BJs. We kind got in a rut because of raising the girls and working so much it was hurry up and do it and let's go to sleep...
I decided to do some manscaping one day and holy shit she was fascinated by it and couldn't leave it alone.... it also looked huge with its new hair cut..LMAO

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 08:39 PM
After 28 years of marriage my wife was kind of meh about BJs. We kind got in a rut because of raising the girls and working so much it was hurry up and do it and let's go to sleep...
I decided to do some manscaping one day and holy shit she was fascinated by it and couldn't leave it alone.... it also looked huge with its new hair cut..LMAO

For a truly happy marriage, I'd honestly give up the BJ's any day of the week...

Making love to the same woman you have a long history with, the girl that gets all your jokes and knows yet puts up with your weaknesses, when you climb on her as easily as climbing the nearest "king of the mountain" hill, when every move is already known, when every groan and giggle is expected, theres reeeally something to be said for that... its special man.

Strange is great yeah sure, but having that one special girl is sooo much better... take it from me, your old Uncle Scotty... its true.

Titty Meat
12-19-2014, 08:44 PM
I guess I got a blowjob last week and told the gal she needs to work on her skills. Shes offering to blow me again.

eDave
12-19-2014, 08:44 PM
Sigh. I could use a blowjob.

Titty Meat
12-19-2014, 08:46 PM
Sigh. I could use a blowjob.

Come over.

eDave
12-19-2014, 08:46 PM
Come over.

I've only got $3.50.

Buzz
12-19-2014, 08:54 PM
I've only got $3.50.

Hold out and get it for free.

Easy 6
12-19-2014, 09:01 PM
Hold out and get it for free.

ROFL

PackerinMo
12-19-2014, 09:15 PM
No I'm not jelly, not even close.