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View Full Version : Another Bob Dole NFBT Rant


Bob Dole
04-09-2002, 06:34 PM
You were warned.

Bob Dole realizes there are some devoutly religious individuals here on the Planet, and actually reads most of the religion-based threads without participating. Bob Dole freely admits to having some serious doubts about the usefullness of <i>organized</I> religion, but openly respects everyone's personal beliefs.

Given that preface, here's the latest event from the Neighborhood from Hell.

As you probably know, Bob Dole's entire lawn equipment inventory performed an assisted disappearing act from the garage last fall. As you probably guessed, Bob Dole has not been eager to rush out and buy new lawn equipment, fearing that it will meet the same end. Thusly, Bob Dole's "lawn" ain't been touched since last fall--except for the motocross track Reliant Energy so thoughtfully built in the side yard.

Other useful background: Bob Dole lives across the street from a large Baptist church. Last Spring, a week after Bob Dole moved in, one of the neighbors (who happens to be a member of the Baptist church across the street) came over and asked Bob Dole if he could do something with his "lawn" because the church was trying to make the neighborhood look nice. Bob Dole, who has historically taken pride in the lawn's appearance, was embarassed that a neighbor came to ask, and promptly fixed the problem lawn, and improved it with flowers and such over the course of the Spring/Summer. At the time of the equipment theft, Bob Dole's lawn looked better than the complaining neighbor's, and he actually had the nerve to stop by as Bob Dole was sweating his fat white ass off one Saturday afternoon and tell Bob Dole as much.

So Bob Dole is sitting here about 15 minutes ago and the Chihuahua Alert System goes haywire and Bob Dole looks out to see some unknown 60-something male walking up the walk. Bob Dole turns down the top volume Hoobastank and answers the door accompanied by 14 total pounds of fury and steps out on the porch with Bud in hand.

"How are you?" inquires the old coot.

"Other than trapped in a house with furious Chihuahuas, pretty well," replies Bob Dole. (Bob Dole takes a pull on the bottle...)

Old guy: "Good...good. Has anyone mention that we has a prospective new minister coming in to visit this weekend?"

Sensing what is about to transpire, suddenly less-pleasant Bob Dole replies, "Why would they? I don't attend that church."

Old fart: "Uh-hum. Well, we have a prospective new minister coming in to visit..."

Rude Bob Dole interrupts, "I gathered that much. Thanks."

Raisin: "Well...um...er...well... We're trying to make sure the neighborhood looks really good and were wondering whether you could do anything with your yard."

Bob-I-Knew-It-Dole: "No, I can't."

Prune Eater: blank stare

Bob-Increasingly-Disgusted-Dole: "Someone was kind enough to steal all my lawn equipment last Fall and I have not yet replaced it. I have been talking to a guy about buying his used Toro, and if he actually shows up with it before the weekend, you can rest assured I'll use it. If he doesn't, I don't really have any way to take care of it. I don't like looking at this shit either, if you want to know the truth, but I'm hesitant to go out and spend $500 on new lawn equipment so the dirtbags can break into the garage and steal it again."

Already-Paid-for-My-Burial-Plot-Man: "Ummm. Hmmmm. Well..."

Bob Dole: "You know, I noticed you had the church lawn done today. If it was really a big concern, you could have had them come over here and chop down my weed patch. Or you can send them back to do it tomorrow if you want. You know...in the spirit of 'Christian Charity' and all..."

Why-Did-I-Get-Elected-to-this-Shit-Guy: blank stare

Bob Dole: (Resisting the urge to point out that the guy does the blank stare thing quite a bit and might want to see his physician about it.) Well, if you guys want to do that, or if the guy shows up with the used mower before Friday and it actually works, I'll sure have it looking spiffy for you. I'm not going to go buy new equipment, nor am I going to pay anyone to come mow it, so I guess it's your choice."

At which point Bob Dole turned around and walked back in to Chihuahua Haven.

Bob Dole supposes the question is: Was Bob Dole out of line? And if you've got enough sack to go ring someone's doorbell to bitch about their yard, and you're really a compassionate, caring person living the Christain lifestyle, wouldn't you feel obligated to offer some sort of solution (other than scissors) when informed that some shitbag stole all the lawn equipment? Hell, Bob Dole doesn't go to church and has mowed a neighbor's yard more than once when they couldn't/wouldn't.

Bob Dole <i>probably</i> isn't going to mow the thing if the guy shows up with the mower in 15 minutes. It's the principle.

Earthling
04-09-2002, 06:43 PM
I think you covered all the bases quite nicely. If they were so concerned they should have volunteered to mow it themselves, especially after realizing that you were in the process of trying to get a mower yourself. BTW had any more problems with the neighbors??

keg in kc
04-09-2002, 06:45 PM
I've got no problem with what you said/did and I don't think you were out of line at all, under the circumstances.

Bob Dole
04-09-2002, 06:48 PM
Other than a few excessive noise (screaming a top volume outin the street) calls to Johnny Law, it's been pretty quiet.

(Knocking on wooden head.)

tommykat
04-09-2002, 06:49 PM
you covered your bases alright......:rolleyes:
But without diplomacy unlike u.......they mean well and they should handle it. But if you choose to live there then you should keep the lawn up......my opion......like it counts......:rolleyes:

RedandGold
04-09-2002, 06:51 PM
Simply put, you did the right thing.

People like that are nothing short of a nuisance, and if they are so quick to point out a problem, they should be just as quick to help in the solution.

Way to go!
:toast:

JOhn
04-09-2002, 06:54 PM
Nobody says it like you bob :LOL:

You could always do what my parents did. The state dept of transportation was complaining about my parents not keeping some weeds cut down along the edge of there property. Said it obstructed peoples view.

So dad went out and bought about 10 gallons of some kind of weed killer, and sprayed it all, Including the right a way that was the states responsiblity. Nothin but bare dirt all summer, every summer after that. If a sprout of green showed up, out came the weed killer.

:D

Bob Dole
04-09-2002, 06:55 PM
On whose timeframe? There's not a thing out there in the lawn that's taller than 6 or 7 inches. Nowhere near enough for the city to come out and give notice.

Like Bob Dole told the guy--if it was really a big concern, you should have spent the extra $10 and had your lawn people troll across the street with their riding mower and whack the thing down. Bob Dole doesn't give a rat's ass whether they have an interviewee coming to visit or not. Bob Dole isn't going to go buy new equipment, and the toro won't fit in the Acura.

Phobia
04-09-2002, 06:57 PM
They shouldn't have to come right your doorbell. It is a reasonable expectation that lawns be upkept. You should have explained the circumstances to the old guy without the attitude. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Now, go borrow the neighbor's mower and take care of business. These people probably had a 20 minute meeting and an election to send that guy over....

ROYC75
04-09-2002, 06:57 PM
Sounds like a wise crack'n,smarta$$ Texas Jerk if you ask me ! Way to go Bob, you showed them your true colors all in one day ! Beer drinking slob with a poor excuse not to mend to you lawn duties. The good ole Dole charm at it's finest !

:D ;) :p

________________________________________

As for the church member, he could have offered his services in another way.

_________________________________________

Pop another one bud, you'll get over it soon !ROFL :LOL:

morphius
04-09-2002, 06:57 PM
I think the blank stare was shock that you said "no" to start with, and after last time seeing how nice your yeard was he thought no big deal of coming over. Then after you said no, following it with all of your stuff being stolen the guy was just in shock and was rendered useless for the rest of the conversation.

I wouldn't say out of line is wrong, just walking the line. The guy was probably just thinking "holy crap" the entire way home and is more worried that all of your lawn equipment was stolen as he fears for his own.

Bob Dole
04-09-2002, 06:57 PM
Originally posted by JOhn
You could always do what my parents did...Nothin but bare dirt all summer, every summer after that. :D You know... Maybe Bob Dole could do that, buy a load of gravel and charge $2.00/hour for parking.

Bob Dole
04-09-2002, 07:01 PM
Originally posted by KPhobia
Now, go borrow the neighbor's mower and take care of business. These people probably had a 20 minute meeting and an election to send that guy over.... This wasn't the neighbor that came over this time, it was some strange guy. And the selection meeting better have taken more than 20 minutes or Bob Dole is slipping.

Bob Dole asked the neighbor to borrow his mower last year when he came over, and the request was ignored (denied). Go figure.

And for the sake of completion: The neighbor who came over last year is aware of the equipment theft, because Bob Dole did the neighborly thing and notified the neighbor as soon as the police left. Bob Dole would wan to know if things were being stolen from next door...

tommykat
04-09-2002, 07:02 PM
Senator.......

You have an attitude showing that I haven't seen...one thing to tell someone the reason.....another to CHOOSE not to buy lawn equipment again. (notice???? choose????) your choice not to buy, but I would think you would like your yard to look good.

Multi1
04-09-2002, 07:03 PM
Ok, the old guy here has woke up and has kind of an answer.

First, don't confuse religion with Christianity, that is a common mistake in the world.

Second, if the city/town/subdivision that you live in does not have ordinances regulating the mowing of your lawn, it is nobody's business what your yard looks like. There are places in the country where you can be fined for grass taller than X", and then have to pay the city/town/subdivision authorities for cutting your lawn.

You did not treat this guy poorly, I would guess that you stated your case matter of factly. And you are right, if they were concerned about the appearance of your yard, they would have sent the guy with the machine over to cut it to impress their prospective pastor.

My approch would have been to tell the guy that asked me to come over to pound sand where the sun don't shine. If I was concerned I would have come over and said somethink like:
I've noticed your lawn needs mowing, would you mind if our youth group cut and cleaned your yard?

If a prospective pastor cannot look at the people in the church and decide based on that, the system is wrong.

Have I rambled enough................................I thought so, end of transmission!!

Brock
04-09-2002, 07:04 PM
And it's yet ANOTHER thing for neighborhood busybodies to come around to tell you to fix your yard.

You were much nicer than I would have been, Bob.

Dave Lane
04-09-2002, 07:05 PM
I, like Bob Dole, find almost no use for organized religion as well. And I have no interest or possiblibly any ability to change someone elses mind and therefore do not read or post to the religious threads. This is one of the big things that irk me about religious people. They don't do anything! They sit in their pew and talk a good talk whilst they rub Ole Ned and figit about. But they never contribute money to the poor, go door to door doing good deeds or do anything else other than offer stale pancakes on signs for passerbys. I believe in helping people in need and I don't need someone coming in and telling me to contribute to a church so they can spend it all on overhead. Meet in a tent give the contibutions to the poor and go about your life. I find major hypocrisy here.</stump>

I like what you said and agree if you don't have a lawnmower what can you do? If they are so worried they should get theirs out and please the lord!

Dave

Bob Dole
04-09-2002, 07:07 PM
Originally posted by tommykat
...one thing to tell someone the reason.....another to CHOOSE not to buy lawn equipment again. (notice???? choose????) your choice not to buy, but I would think you would like your yard to look good. You must have missed the "new" part.

Bob Dole fully intends to buy a used mower and weed whacker. Bob Dole sure as shit isn't going to rush out and buy <b>new</b> ones. Unfortunately, the Used Lawn Equipment Outlet has been full of complete crap the last few times Bob Dole went shopping, so Bob Dole is dependent on a well-off acquaintance's cast-offs.

(Hoobastank is done and Monster Magnet is playing... Don't quibble with Bob Dole.) :p

Nelson Muntz
04-09-2002, 07:09 PM
OMG Mr Dole
you are my hero:D

I don't think it was out of line at all, I just wish i could have been there to see it. I just about p*ssed my pants readin it.

tommykat
04-09-2002, 07:11 PM
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
You must have missed the "new" part.

Bob Dole fully intends to buy a used mower and weed whacker. Bob Dole sure as shit isn't going to rush out and buy <b>new</b> ones. Unfortunately, the Used Lawn Equipment Outlet has been full of complete crap the last few times Bob Dole went shopping, so Bob Dole is dependent on a well-off acquaintance's cast-offs.

(Hoobastank is done and Monster Magnet is playing... Don't quibble with Bob Dole.) :p

And u can't afford $100 bucks for a lawn mower? And a weed eater? Thank you:D....I make about 40 less than u but manage to get what I need to take care of my lawn.

Bob Dole
04-09-2002, 07:15 PM
Originally posted by tommykat
And u can't afford $100 bucks for a lawn mower? And a weed eater? Thank you:D....I make about 40 less than u but manage to get what I need to take care of my lawn. Bob Dole hasn't seen any good mower+weedeater combo meals for $100 lately.

And while the lawn isn't neatly trimmed at present, it's a long way from hideous. Bob Dole is just trying to let it go to seed to enhance its lushness. Yeah...that's it.

(Space Lord mother mother...)

Multi1
04-09-2002, 07:21 PM
Dave Lane,

Please read my last post. You seem to be confusing religion and Christianity. The two are as far apart as day and night. Organized religion is of man, Christianity is of God. Simple difference but alot of people cannot make the distinction. I'm sure that some people do not care about the difference because they don't want any kind of either in their life. In one man's opinion that is too bad. There are some great benefits to being a Christian. Being part of organized religion does not make you a Christian, it means you go to that brand of church.

Believe me there is a difference.

Rain Man
04-09-2002, 07:26 PM
Kevin the BB poster thinks that a few of you are just sucking up to Dole because he's a U.S. Senator and former presidential nominee. While Kevin the capital-punishment-for-petty-theft proponent sympathizes with the Senator's lawn equipment plight, Kevin the homeowner thinks the Senator should go rent an apartment if he doesn't want to take care of his lawn. Kevin the neighborhood nazi has asked neighborhood residents to get their act together on occasion when they have dragged Kevin the future retiree's house value down with their slovenliness.

I should explain too that I'm somewhat ticked off about yard stuff today. For the first time ever, I planted a bunch of bulbs in my yard, and have been pleased to see them come up. We had three beautiful hyacinths bloom a couple of days ago - my first homegrown flowers ever - and SOME IDIOT CAME INTO OUR YARD AND STOLE THEM YESTERDAY! I still can't &$@@(#*!! believe that.

NaptownChief
04-09-2002, 07:30 PM
My rider blow up last fall...Just went and bought a new Husqvarna rider yesterday. I highly recommend. Top of the line quality with a much better price than John Deere and Cub Cadet.


http://www.usa.husqvarna.com/

philfree
04-09-2002, 07:34 PM
That's it! My wife wants me to break out the leaf blower/sucker and remove the leaves from the front yard. I however don't think a little leaf on the ground every 10' or so looks so bad. Besides I don't even have a tree in my front yard. Thanks to Dole I now have a new plan. I'm going to steal my own leaf blower! Maybe I can pawn it for a little pocket money. Wonder what I can get for the rake?

PhilFree;)

Rain Man
04-09-2002, 07:36 PM
I better not catch you trying to fence my hyacinths, phil. (See post 22.)

Mosbonian
04-09-2002, 07:38 PM
Bob:

While I might(and emphasize might) understand the request of the gentleman, his modus operandi stunk.....

I agree with what has been already stated...maybe asking if the Youth Group could do the yard work as a project...maybe the men of the church could volunteer to do it also.(Our Men's group has a rotation schedule for assisting in yard work for those who need a hand, whether for an elderly widow, someone who has had a loved one pass away recently, or someone who is temporarily incapable due to surgeries)

Your visitor, and all of those who elected him to visit you, missed the meaning of Christian charity, and for that those of us who are Christians apologize.

Logical
04-09-2002, 07:41 PM
Originally posted by tommykat


And u can't afford $100 bucks for a lawn mower? And a weed eater? Thank you:D....I make about 40 less than u but manage to get what I need to take care of my lawn.

Sanctimonious garbage or poorly contstructed sarcasm, you be the judge.

Meanwhile, I will say way to go Senator :toast: what kind of man of God would not take a ministry because the grass was a couple of inches too high anyway?:rolleyes:

Mosbonian
04-09-2002, 07:42 PM
Thank you for eloquently stating my position, and saving me the energy of posting that same thought...

mark
**********

philfree
04-09-2002, 07:42 PM
No I wouldn't fence the flowers but maybe I could give them to my wife to suck up for not removing the leaves.

PhilFree
~pays $20.00 a pop to have his yard mowed and weed wacked~

Logical
04-09-2002, 07:52 PM
Originally posted by philfree
No I wouldn't fence the flowers but maybe I could give them to my wife to suck up for not removing the leaves.

PhilFree
~pays $20.00 a pop to have his yard mowed and weed wacked~

Logical feels better about his $100 a month to have the gardner mow once a week, prune the bushes and do general maintenance on all the flowers and shrubs. Logical has a black thumb and hates lawn work.

tommykat
04-09-2002, 07:53 PM
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
Bob Dole hasn't seen any good mower+weedeater combo meals for $100 lately.

And while the lawn isn't neatly trimmed at present, it's a long way from hideous. Bob Dole is just trying to let it go to seed to enhance its lushness. Yeah...that's it.

(Space Lord mother mother...)

I didn't say combo dummy......$100 a piece.......;)

chief husker
04-09-2002, 07:54 PM
Dear Bob - I would do as I have done with all my neighbors who cross me; I egg their house repeatedly. No, I'm serious. Ever washed egg off your house? Ever washed it off with a neighbor staring at you? Knowing said neighbor egged your house? Try it. It will also make you feel better.:evil:

old_geezer
04-09-2002, 07:55 PM
What it sounds like to me is that the man who showed up on your doorstep missed a golden opportunity to demonstrate to you true Christian compassion.

When you explained to him that you had no yard tools (no matter what tone you used) and invited him to send someone from the church over to fix the problem, he should have cheerfully agreed to do so.

His reaction gave you a poor opinion of the church and Christians in general. I'm sorry for you and others that there are so many of us who fail too often (and I include myself as one who fails far too often.)

JOhn
04-09-2002, 08:00 PM
I really feel for all your lawn troubles..... :D
But now that I'm in the land of little rain...


Don't water = Don't mow :p

old_geezer
04-09-2002, 08:00 PM
Tom and Mark

It seems we think alike on this. :)

PunkinDrublic
04-09-2002, 08:02 PM
I'll bet it was a Ned Flanders type. "Hi diddely ho neighbor could you please cut your yard."

Bob Dole
04-09-2002, 08:02 PM
Before Bob Dole signs off for the evening and leaves the wrong impresion, Bob Dole would like to clarify something.

This evenings visitor's behavior was a reflection of <b>his</b> behavior and not a reflection of all Christians. Bob Dole makes the assumption that this "spokesman" for his local church <i>considers</i> himslef a Christian man, and Bob Dole simply finds it a little tough to swallow that <b>he</b> (the Christain man) would behave in this way.

Bob Dole has a lot of friends who are religious, and quite a few that consider themselves Christian, and Bob Dole values those friendships. Please do not take this thread as an indictment upon all believers. The only reason religion was mentioned was to illustrate that it wasn't the owner of Steve's Tatoo Shop who rang the doorbell.

chief husker
04-09-2002, 08:05 PM
Religion has got nothing to do with it.

DONT TREAD ON ME!

KC2004
04-09-2002, 08:09 PM
If ya wanna be a pain in the ass Bob here's what ya do. You go out and borrow a push mower. Now take it home and carefully mow a pentagram in the tail grass in the front yard. See if they appreciate your effort????

Mosbonian
04-09-2002, 08:18 PM
What concerns me is that too many people get the wrong impression of Christians from small incidents like these....

Now, if it had been me, and upon hearing that your lawn equipment had been pilfered, I would have certainly volunteered my services....

Afterwards, I would admit that I might say something like this.....

"Mr. Dole, if you don't mind, I would like to bring my mens group over and do your yard work for you next time as one of our projects, until such a time as you are able to purchase some equipment.....

I must admit that many times the gentleman who runs "Steve's Tatoo Shop" knows a bit more about Christian duty, than those who profess to be Christians...

mark
********

Mosbonian
04-09-2002, 08:21 PM
I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that great minds think alike....;)

mark
**********

Rain Man
04-09-2002, 08:30 PM
I'm not a religious guy at all, and generally have little patience with discussions of religions, but I have to ask: why should being religious require one to be a sucker? Why can't a person go to a neighbor and say, "Hey, fella, you mind taking care of your property a little better so we're not all embarrassed to be living near you?" without being encumbered to take care of the neighbor's lawn themselves? That's taking expectations of religious charity a bit too far, in my opinion.

Of course, if any of you religious folk disagree, you're welcome to remodel my basement for me. It's the right thing to do, you know.

KCWolfman
04-09-2002, 08:52 PM
Why should someone of a Church receive special dispensation?

Mr Dole handled the situation correctly.

Multi1
04-09-2002, 09:04 PM
I can honestly say that I've met the Dole man. He is neither an ass or a saint. I consider him a friend. I agree that he handled the situation correctly. The "old Fart" that came to the door is the one that handled the situation poorly.

For the Record: Not one time did I think tha Bob Dole was slamming those that profess to be Christians rather the people in the world that always identify the problem without having some plan of action to make it better.

ROYC75
04-09-2002, 09:37 PM
Well as for me, me thinks Dole enjoyed his little discussion with the man from over yonder. Mr Dole likes to have these type of fits from time to time to ventilate his daily frustations ! Go ahead Bob, rant on some more, we like to read what you think !:rolleyes:

Have another beer and buy a mower and you won't have these neighborhood problems. :D
_____________________________________

Another entertaining chapter of "The Life and Times of Bob Dole" ROFL :LOL:

mrs. headsnap
04-09-2002, 09:38 PM
Why-Did-I-Get-Elected-to-this-****-Guy: blank stare


I ask myself this question every day. Let me start by saying the guy was out of line. If a minister wouldn't take a job because the lawn across the street looked nappy then he isn't qualified to be a minister. Does he spit on the homeless if they come into the church unbathed? Anyway, I am fortunate enough (not) to be the Secretary-Treasurer of the Homeowners Association in my neighborhood and I get to do that type of **** every day. In my position, if your yard was bad (and it would have to be pretty bad) and you refused to mow it, then I get to hire someone to mow it for you. Then I get to send you a bill. Then if you don't pay I get to charge you interest and penalty fees. Then, if the amount gets high enough, I get to place a lein on your house. Needless to say, no one wants to be my neighbor. Little do these people know that I am the best person to live next to because I see how petty most of the complaints are. I don't care if you leave your landscaping lights on all night or if you have late, somewhat loud, parties on the weekends. If I complain, I just give myself more work. Just don't let your dog crap in my yard and I'll keep to myself except for sharing a beer with you on a nice summer evening in the back yard. Some things are not worth thinking about. If you find a used mower - great, mow the yard. If you don't, don't. The thought you have to put into not mowing just to prove a point is a waste of your time. Plus, the longer you wait, the harder it is to mow! :banghead:

ROYC75
04-09-2002, 09:47 PM
Put up a fence and buy some cows, goats,and a horses....... this ought to get them rattled up ! The grass may not be tall, but the smell might turn some heads during the services.ROFL :LOL:

Frazod
04-09-2002, 09:51 PM
Had it been me, I'd probably have pointed down the street to where the thieves live (I'm assuming their yard probably ain't in the greatest shape, either) and said "Go talk to those white trash c#cksuckers - they stole all my lawn equipment. And while you're at it, since I assume you're in tight with the Lord and all, perhaps you could get some lighting bolt or brimstone action going to wipe those f#ckers off the block. Thanks for stopping by. Would you like a lemon bar?"

Personally, I live in a townhouse. The condo association takes care of that crap. A bunch of Mexicans mow my yard. It works for me.

Logical
04-09-2002, 09:55 PM
Originally posted by Kevin
I'm not a religious guy at all, and generally have little patience with discussions of religions, but I have to ask: why should being religious require one to be a sucker? Why can't a person go to a neighbor and say, "Hey, fella, you mind taking care of your property a little better so we're not all embarrassed to be living near you?" without being encumbered to take care of the neighbor's lawn themselves? That's taking expectations of religious charity a bit too far, in my opinion.

Of course, if any of you religious folk disagree, you're welcome to remodel my basement for me. It's the right thing to do, you know.

Kevin it became an issue when the man presented the issue as a special request because a potential new minister was coming to vist that weekend. If in fact he had just said your grass is a little unkept could you take care of it. It would have been a one on one issue. Saying no or yes for that matter would just have been one man saying no to another man.

Nelson Muntz
04-09-2002, 09:57 PM
I would love to be neighbors to Frazod and Mr. Dole. all that entertainment, i'd never have to buy cable tv or go to the movies:LOL: :D

JOhn
04-09-2002, 09:58 PM
Originally posted by frazod
Had it been me, I'd probably have pointed down the street to where the thieves live (I'm assuming their yard probably ain't in the greatest shape, either) and said "Go talk to those white trash c#cksuckers - they stole all my lawn equipment. And while you're at it, since I assume you're in tight with the Lord and all, perhaps you could get some lighting bolt or brimstone action going to wipe those f#ckers off the block. Thanks for stopping by. Would you like a lemon bar?"

Personally, I live in a townhouse. The condo association takes care of that crap. A bunch of Mexicans mow my yard. It works for me.

:LOL: ROFL :LOL:

D@m man, sometimes I worry about you. Always have this image that some fday I'll get to see you..........


On TV with 3/4 of the Chicago PD lying dead in the street, Army tanks in the fore ground, and the TV anchor talking about a derainged man in the Denny's pissed of about the price of his meal, or some other equaly wierd situation :D


J/K ya know :p

Bwana
04-09-2002, 10:05 PM
Classic! Nice Call Dole. ROFL

Frazod
04-09-2002, 10:07 PM
I've got a really low tolerance level for petty crap, especially when it comes to my house. I'm very happy that I have very little responsibilities when it comes to the outside of my home - all I have to do is water the yard occasionally. That I can handle. I hope I never have to deal with my condo association, because I'm sure it wouldn't go over well. I already had to mount my friggin satellite dish on the ground right in front of my front door because the assholes don't allow them mounted on the building. Apparently it's an eyesore mounted on the building - but right in front of my door, well, that's just fine. :rolleyes: Facist pricks!

:cuss:

Anyway, I'm sure Bob will deal with his yard when he's able. It's only April, for Christ's sake.

And I agree with what Mrs. Headsnap said about the minister. If he bases his decision to minister to a community based upon landscaping appearances, chances are he's not worth having around in the first place.

Pitt Gorilla
04-09-2002, 10:08 PM
Awesome, Dole. (ala SNL) "Bob Dole's lawnmower. That's Bob Dole's lawnmower!!"

Frazod
04-09-2002, 10:09 PM
Originally posted by JOhn


:LOL: ROFL :LOL:

D@m man, sometimes I worry about you. Always have this image that some fday I'll get to see you..........


On TV with 3/4 of the Chicago PD lying dead in the street, Army tanks in the fore ground, and the TV anchor talking about a derainged man in the Denny's pissed of about the price of his meal, or some other equaly wierd situation :D


J/K ya know :p

Relax, JOhn. If it was going to happen, it would have by now. I'm far calmer than I used to be..... :eek:

:evil:

Otter
04-09-2002, 11:01 PM
Out of line?

Hell no, your my new hero!

I wish I had a sack that big. But I guess when I'm your age gravity will have taken care of that. :p

stevieray
04-09-2002, 11:22 PM
I would've mowed it...Then knocked on the door and asked for a beer.

Chiefnj
04-10-2002, 09:47 AM
I wanted to bump this up for anyone who missed it. Pretty funny.

I would recommend that Bob Dole purchase a bunch of those little yard Gnomes. Paint them black with pentagrams and adorn them on your lawn in compromising positions. I assure you that the length of your grass will no longer be the primary problem.

Bob Dole
04-10-2002, 09:57 AM
Bob Dole was thinking about lining the sidewalk with empty beer bottles with candles stuck in them. Or maybe putting a bunch of trash bags on the front porch.

If Bob Dole gets a chance today, Bob Dole will take a picture of the "lawn" and let people judge for themselves.

Iowanian
04-10-2002, 09:57 AM
They must do it different in Tejas.

I don't know why your yard would keep a preacher from coming to a church.....Its actually a new concept to me.....as a Catholic, they don't have a choice.

I don't think they had the right to ask you to cut your grass because of that. If it were a problem, I know that one of our guys would have just done it, or as suggested, had the youth group etc...help you out.

or at least loan you a mower.

Charity is supposed to be a major part of what "we" do.
I've cut wood for an old lady who couldn't and heated by wood stove only.
worked on Habitat for humanity home remodeling
mowed yards
collected food
donated mon-ay, etc...


I currenly have a couple of neighbor problems with garbage in my yard. One is an old man whose wife is dying. His garage is losing shingles badly and about 5 gallon bucket a week blows into my yard.....I just pick them up and say nothing....he has enough to worry about.

The other is a new "subway" that is pretty close.....After 9 months of picking up subway cups, lids, wrappers, and boxes......Last week I picked up 5 large boxes, several cups etc....I took them back over, put them in the dumpster and mentioned it to the shift manager(kid) politely....The next day....3 more large boxes....Took them back and asked the kid to kindly have his manager remedy the situation...asked for the managers hours, and mentioned that this would be my last polite return..

Next time, I'm piling it up in a box, and dumping it in the lobby during the lunch crowd rush.......They should at least hook me up with a free "Jarrod action figure" or card.

gh4chiefs
04-10-2002, 10:10 AM
I don't think you were out of line and probably handled it better than I would have. I basically would have told him to get lost and mind his own damn business.

Bootlegged
04-10-2002, 10:15 AM
They should at least hook me up with a free "Jarrod action figure" or card.

ROFL

Damn!t.....now I have the "he's Henry, Clay Henry" song in my head.

:bang: Jarrod, Clay

Iowanian
04-10-2002, 10:24 AM
Bob dole should consider buy an in operable 1970's model monte Carlo, park in front yard, remove tires and set on blocks. That way you could meet the Texas lawn care recommendations.

You can also decorate with a used toilet in the yard, w/ pot full of Flower of your choice. Don't forget the cutout of the large old lady bending over to show them her bloomers.

ROYC75
04-10-2002, 10:26 AM
The guy was out of line, a minsiter shouldn't look at the surrounding property to make judgement on accepting the job.
The man took the wrong approach...........

As for Mr. Dole...outta line ? To some people, yes, to most...NO ! Not sure how I would have reacted in this situation.... these things catch you off guard.

But I would have loved to be present for this one, to see the reaction of our famous senator in action. Can see it now.... sarcatic demeanor ,wise cracking Texan with a beer in the hand..........

" Priceless " :D

Bob Dole
04-10-2002, 10:30 AM
The bent over wooden lawn ornament thing is an excellent idea. Maybe Bob Dole can find one before Saturday.

e_train69
04-10-2002, 10:52 AM
Bob's gonna be known as the stinky guy in the neighborhood next.ROFL

Iowanian
04-10-2002, 10:55 AM
I've been thinking.

If someone were to complain about my lawncare choices...I might be inclined to purchase a goat for about $12 at any auction barn......tie a 10lb weight to a rope around its neck or leg.....and let it gingerly wander my home range.

It would chew down the weeds in wonderful shapes and patterns, and leave natural fertilizers to improve your turf. Its hooves work as aeration devices, it doesn't polute the ozone(other than occasional methane gas), serves as a petting zoo for the poor children of the congregation and it can "sing" along during their services.

AND the next time the old guy comes over....You can ask him if the goat just called him "Daaaaa' aa'aad"

Skip Towne
04-10-2002, 11:10 AM
I hope they send Terdell Sands over to "request" your co-operation next time. hee hee

58Forever
04-10-2002, 11:24 AM
I think you showed remarkable restraint Mr. Dole...

I am just glad for your sake that you are not a 9 year old boy...oh wait, that's the Catholics...(I'm Catholic so bugger off, I can make jokes about my own religion if I want...)

Send me an airline ticket and I'll come down and mow for you.

Bob Dole
04-10-2002, 11:35 AM
Bob Dole has been asking people at work to contribute tacky lawn ornaments, but hasn't gotten any offers yet. Someone did inidicate that Wally World has some extremely gaudy pink flamingo windmill things in stock, however.

http://www.zoodoo.com/image1.gif

headsnap
04-10-2002, 11:43 AM
find out the Ministers name and paint a big welcome sign really badly, mis-spell every other word, let the paint run, just make it look bad. Put up the sign and decorate the outside of your house with tacky streamers, and baloons.

make him think that you are a freak that attends the church.:D


that should teach em...

Otter
04-10-2002, 11:46 AM
May I suggest an ornament for the front window senator...

http://www.chezmolestudio.com/Gifs/LegLamp2.jpg

Pennywise
04-10-2002, 11:54 AM
I also think this man's intentions were wrong, and his priorities.

He should have started complaining about the Chihuahua alert system first.

The shrill barks, followed by a stern, thunderous shout of disapproval from Bob Dole.

That has got to be worse than the yard and louder than Hoovastank.


Next time spit beer in his face. That is always a deterrent for future visits.

BIG_DADDY
04-10-2002, 12:01 PM
BD would suggest calling the church and ask when said preacher will be visiting. When he arives have some Disturbed cranking about a 1000 watts with all your windows open. When the old raisin shows up answer the door nude with 666 tattood on Bob Dole's forehead. That should be the last time you see those guys.

BIG_DADDY
04-10-2002, 12:03 PM
BTW, what on gods earth made Bob Dole choose a Chihuahua?

e_train69
04-10-2002, 12:05 PM
What is a Chihuahua?

Gaz
04-10-2002, 12:08 PM
Originally posted by e_train69
What is a Chihuahua?


“Rat on a stick” without the stick.

xoxo~
Gaz
Alienating the ratdog fans.

e_train69
04-10-2002, 12:12 PM
Oh

I pictured Dole as more of a German Shephard type guy.

Bob Dole
04-10-2002, 12:14 PM
Originally posted by PennyWise
The shrill barks, followed by a stern, thunderous shout of disapproval from Bob Dole.

That has got to be worse than the yard and louder than Hoovastank.You're the only one here that has had the pleasure of witnessing the event firsthand. All the rest can only imagine...

headsnap
04-10-2002, 12:18 PM
Originally posted by e_train69
What is a Chihuahua?

yo quiero taco bell!

King_Chief_Fan
04-10-2002, 12:20 PM
I would have expressed disgust that someone stole your stuff.
Then I would have offered to let YOU use my stuff, all year long if you like....as long as you return it.

Bob Dole
04-10-2002, 12:22 PM
Originally posted by BIG_DADDY
BTW, what on gods earth made Bob Dole choose a Chihuahua? After the ex took off with Bob Dole's Rottie, Bob Dole wanted something a little more portable.

How could you not love that face?

seclark
04-10-2002, 12:58 PM
are you sure that thing's not a hamster?
sec

ptlyon
04-10-2002, 01:10 PM
Thanks for a good laugh Bob. Good post.

Oh yeah, BTW - fug 'em.

Lightning Rod
04-10-2002, 01:18 PM
Any chance you can hire a very old decrepit man with a walker to act like he is trying to mow the yard when the prospective holy man comes to town. You could even have him stage having a stoke.

Or
Perhaps you could make your yard very tidy but plant some flowers in some sort of satanic design right in the middle.


Oh the possibilities.

Chief Faithful
04-10-2002, 01:41 PM
Maybe you can make a big cross out of beer bottles as a welcome.

I like the idea of a goat as a lawn mower.

Lightning Rod
04-10-2002, 02:27 PM
Of course as has been pointed out. If ya had a real dog you might not have lost all your lawn equipment in the first place.

Multi1
04-10-2002, 02:36 PM
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by e_train69
What is a Chihuahua?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Snack food for a great dane!

Pennywise
04-10-2002, 02:59 PM
Taco

Bob Dole
04-23-2002, 05:03 PM
You be the judge. Does Bob Dole's lawn look all that bad?

http://www.cableone.net/sloat/BobDoleHouse.jpg

Taco John
04-23-2002, 05:07 PM
My dog is part chihuahua, part border collie....

BigOlChiefsfan
04-23-2002, 05:28 PM
Originally posted by Taco_John
My dog is part chihuahua, part border collie....

a salute to any chihuahua that lives the dream

Taco John
04-23-2002, 05:44 PM
Yeah... I guess his father was an ambitious Chihuahua that snuck under the fence...


Here he is lying in bed with his kitty...

Taco John
04-23-2002, 05:46 PM
Here's another shot of the Border Collie/Chihuahua mix...


His name is Ollie.

tommykat
04-23-2002, 06:56 PM
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
After the ex took off with Bob Dole's Rottie, Bob Dole wanted something a little more portable.

How could you not love that face?

Portable my butt......ROFL :LOL: That little shit won't let anyone near it but the Senator......Hum, tell you anything......:eek:

Bob Dole
04-23-2002, 08:56 PM
Originally posted by tommykat
Portable my butt......ROFL :LOL: That little shit won't let anyone near it but the Senator......Hum, tell you anything......:eek: What the hell are you trying to say? There's not a person here that's been within 5 miles of Bob Dole's dogs.

Raiderhader
04-23-2002, 09:10 PM
What the hell are you trying to say? There's not a person here that's been within 5 miles of Bob Dole's dogs.


Senator I just love your sense of humor. :D

C-Mac
04-24-2002, 05:58 AM
"Old guy: "Good...good. Has anyone mention that we has a prospective new minister coming in to visit this weekend?"
I regret not reading Bob Doles story sooner....very funny. Just wondering if anyone questioned why someone would want a new minister, that would be swayed by their physical surroundings rather than swayed by the needs of others?
Thought of this scripture since it seems to apply to Bob Doles story.
"Of what benefit is it, my brothers, if a certain one says he has faith but he does not have works? That faith cannot save him, can it? If a brother or a sister is in a naked state and lacking the food sufficient for the day, yet a certain one of YOU says to them: "Go in peace, keep warm and well fed," but you do not give them the necessities for their body, of what benefit is it? Thus, too, faith, if it does not have works, is dead in itself."-James 2:14-17

PS. Interesting, one of my best friends who's name is also "Bob", raises those little street rats too. Still cant figure out what the attraction is about them. :D

Saggysack
04-24-2002, 06:07 AM
Mariconi


Love the logo. IMO it wouldbe perfect if you could see more of the Arrowhead and make the World Red and Gold.
Love it though,fantastic!!!

ExtremeChief
04-24-2002, 06:45 AM
good story senator...

FWIW, I would have already killed all of the grass and installed astroturf...

If I were your neighbor, I wouldn't be nearly as worried about the length of your yard grass as I would be about the fact that you raise mutant cats disguised as dogs...

thats just nuts...

Mark M
04-24-2002, 08:40 AM
I really need to learn to stop drinking when reading one of Bob Doles's threads.

Of course, having met the Senator made it even funnier.

:D

MM
~~Cleaning Pepsi off his screen ... and keyboard ... and dog ... and ...

47mack
04-24-2002, 10:16 AM
Originally posted by Mark M
Of course, having met the Senator made it even funnier.


That adds to the humor for me as well.

Sorry to hear about your lawn equipment, Bob. I just received a letter in the mail last week form my neighborhood association. They said that if i didn't mow my yard, they would have it done and bill me. Two things that piss me off about the letter...

1. No one on my street is as anal about their lawn as me. I put a lot of time and money into my yard. It isn't my fault that the two houses on each side of mine mow their yard too often and too short. It makes mine look tall, when it is actually the correct length.

2. On the top of the letter it said "FINAL NOTICE". That was the first and only letter they have ever sent me.

I was forced to pull out a copy of the neighborhood rules and regulations. I now have a list of all my neighbor's violations, just in case the association tries to stir up more shit on me.

Bob Dole
04-24-2002, 11:19 AM
Originally posted by 47mack
Sorry to hear about your lawn equipment, Bob. I just received a letter in the mail last week form my neighborhood association. They said that if i didn't mow my yard, they would have it done and bill me. Ohhh... You live in one of <b><i>those</i></b> neighborhoods.

Bob Dole had the same "neighbors scalp their lawn" situation when Bob Dole was a homeowner. It was always pretty funny when July rolled around and Bob Dole's lawn was green, while theirs looked like some dirt and straw.

ENDelt260
05-03-2003, 07:46 PM
Originally posted by Iowanian
If someone were to complain about my lawncare choices...I might be inclined to purchase a goat for about $12 at any auction barn......tie a 10lb weight to a rope around its neck or leg.....and let it gingerly wander my home range.

My fraternity house sat on about 6 acres of land which was a real bitch to mow. One of the guys in the house was constantly bringing up this idea. I supported it whenever he did. I thought it would be cool as hell to have a goat wandering the back yard w/ a tire filled w/ concrete around its neck.

Skip Towne
05-03-2003, 08:04 PM
I love the goat idea. I used to have an Angora goat ranch and had 300 nannies. (I put colorful ribbons on the pretty ones) Goats clip off the grass rather than pull it up like sheep. Don't like the concrete/tire idea though. Just drive a 6' length of re-bar into the ground and chain the goat to it. Move goat as needed.

PastorMikH
05-03-2003, 08:39 PM
I must admit, that is rather funny.


Personally Bob, from the church perspective, I do believe I'd have taken a different approach on the matter. Several options come to mind -

Option #1 - one of which you had to mention TOO him (:shake:) is to show up with mowers, weed-eaters and such, ring the doorbell and say, "Hello Sir, since it is early spring and many people haven't gotten the opportunity to get their yard equipment going yet, so we are going around to homes in the neigborhood this week fixing up their yards for them if they would like. Yours looks like it would take these fine men about 30 minutes to knock out all you gotta say is go fo it.

Option #2 - Who cares about your yard, when we are showing the new preacher around the church, if he points out your house tell him that that guy is a decent enough guy. His house might be agood place for the minister to visit.

Option #3 - (as a minister) I show up with the deacons (similar to #1 above) they mow the yard while we sit on the porch and supervise the work while we chat about the Planet and such.


I don't really see anything wrong with your perspective. Basically what that church has done is told you and every other neigbor that you aren't up to their standards when they critique like that. I have a hard time with folks like that. It is sorry that they had to act that way.

Bob Dole
05-03-2003, 08:45 PM
Originally posted by pastormikh
I must admit, that is rather funny.
Please don't get the impression that Bob Dole is somehow "against" the church because of the incident. Bob Dole just thought it was a little odd, and would have expected something more along the line of the options you outlined.

Bob Dole ain't there any more and the new lawn takes about 30 minutes, front and back. Bob Dole has been mowing twice a week for about 8 weeks now, and spent two days removing overgrown brush and crap that had accumulated over the years. The neighbor to the south mowed their front yard (not the back) for only the second time this season early this morning. Everything is relative, and Bob Dole's lawn is looking pretty darned good at this point. Heck, the neighbor to the north already commented a couple of weeks ago that Bob Dole is making everyone look lazy by tending the lawn so frequently.

Ahhh... The single life.

PastorMikH
05-03-2003, 08:49 PM
Originally posted by Robert_Dole

Please don't get the impression that Bob Dole is somehow "against" the church because of the incident.



Don't worry Bob. I'd probably acted the same way you did - except for the part where you were nursing your bottle while talking to him.:)

Bob Dole
05-03-2003, 08:51 PM
Originally posted by pastormikh
Don't worry Bob. I'd probably acted the same way you did - except for the part where you were nursing your bottle while talking to him.:) If Bob Dole isn't at work, Bob Dole is almost always nursing one thing or another. :p

ENDelt260
05-03-2003, 08:54 PM
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
If Bob Dole isn't at work, Bob Dole is almost always nursing one thing or another. :p

Yeah, me too. Come to think of it. I've been thinking of having an ice-cold refreshing 7-up for awhile now. Think I'm about to make good on the threat. Of course, I'll have to make sure to put a decent amount of Seagram's 7 in as well.

2bikemike
05-03-2003, 08:55 PM
What a crackup. I am with the pastor on this. They were out of line. Keep us posted on their decision to take care of your lawn. You just might be on to something. If they are so concerned about your yard you can sit on your ass all summer and let them handle it.:toast:

philfree
05-03-2003, 11:10 PM
You tell a good story Bob Dole. You should've ask the elderly gentelman if he would have the congragation pray for an answer to your lawn crisis. Better yet you coulda had him kneel with you on the porch (with bud in your hand) and pray for an answer.

PhilFree:arrow:

ENDelt260
05-03-2003, 11:19 PM
Originally posted by philfree
you coulda had him neal with you on the porch (with bud in your hand) and pray for an answer.

:LOL:

RJ
05-03-2003, 11:27 PM
Bob Dole's tale would make a fine scene for a Cohen Brothers movie.

I'm picturing a severely disheveled Nicholas Cage in the role of Bob Dole.

ENDelt260
05-03-2003, 11:28 PM
Originally posted by rjintx
Bob Dole's tale would make a fine scene for a Cohen Brothers movie.

I'm picturing a severely disheveled Nicholas Cage in the role of Bob Dole.

Maybe we could compile all the Dole rants and send them to the Cohen Bros. I bet they could write a plot around them.

tommykat
05-03-2003, 11:31 PM
Originally posted by pastormikh



Don't worry Bob. I'd probably acted the same way you did - except for the part where you were nursing your bottle while talking to him.:)

That is the part I agree with.....But knowing you, you did that to aggitate them further. ;) But son, time to buy a lawn mower and whatever you need, or get a goat. That should really get them if it was tied up out front eating the grass....ROFL

papasmurf
05-03-2003, 11:34 PM
give the neighbor kid a few bucks,

RJ
05-03-2003, 11:38 PM
Originally posted by ENDelt260


Maybe we could compile all the Dole rants and send them to the Cohen Bros. I bet they could write a plot around them.


It'd be practically gift wrapped. All they'd have to do is supply an ending.

I'd like a sort of surreal ending. I'm thinking Bob Dole walking off into a Kansas prairie at sunset while the Pastor is offing prairie dogs in the background. "Funny How Time Slips Away" is the soundtrack music.

brad2707
05-04-2003, 01:52 AM
Bob
I'm think a big sign in the front yard, like used lawn equipt. wanted or will work for food to...better get busy the preacher will be there in a few hours..lol

Ebolapox
05-04-2003, 02:32 AM
classic thread..... absolutely classic

-EBOLA-

conjureman
05-04-2003, 08:15 AM
stay tuned..conjureman suspects there are more episodes to follow....Dabney Coleman in the role of the new minister!

Bob Dole
05-04-2003, 11:08 AM
Bob Dole finally got the used Toro and a new Poulan weedeater and moved to a neighborhood that hasn't gone to shit. Bob Dole is enjoying the small lawn, and keeps it very nice, thank you.

WilliamTheIrish
05-04-2003, 11:16 AM
Originally posted by EBOLA
classic thread..... absolutely classic

-EBOLA-

....... a year + later and I still LMAO reading this.

Nice lawn Bob Dole.

Skip Towne
05-04-2003, 11:27 AM
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
Bob Dole finally got the used Toro and a new Poulan weedeater and moved to a neighborhood that hasn't gone to shit. Bob Dole is enjoying the small lawn, and keeps it very nice, thank you. Where is the Directv dish? On the back of the house? You work for the cable company, huh?

Chief Henry
05-04-2003, 01:08 PM
I love reading your rants. Specially how you can get creative with
description words on people.

Good luck used Toro man with your lawn and neighboorhood.

Raiderhader
05-04-2003, 01:16 PM
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
Bob Dole finally got the used Toro and a new Poulan weedeater and moved to a neighborhood that hasn't gone to shit. Bob Dole is enjoying the small lawn, and keeps it very nice, thank you.


Nice minivan there Senator.

Bob Dole
08-12-2004, 09:36 AM
Nice minivan there Senator.

That would be the neighbor's minivan. Bob Dole's drive was on the left.

Raiderhader
08-12-2004, 06:39 PM
That would be the neighbor's minivan. Bob Dole's drive was on the left.


Likely story.