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View Full Version : I F*cking HATE Golf !!!!....


WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 07:45 PM
.. That's right. F*ck you Golf. You piece of Shiot-sucking game. **** you again, I say.

And F8ck the goat sodomizing bastard Scotsman who invented the miserable game. If I see that (pinkie pulling) mother f@cker in heaven I'll beat his f@cking brains in. Course if he invented golf, that means he played golf and every golfer by definition is cheater and a liar therefore he's probably in hell... WHERE HE ****ING BELONGS!! for inventing this terminally f@cked, terminally frustrating, hypertension causing game.

**** HIM!!!!

Oh and to my golf clubs... **** YOU you dirty no good (pinkie pullers) See if I ever take you useless bastards anywhere nice again. You all deserve to be melted down and turned into f*cking bicycle spokes. That's right!!! Do you hear me? F*cking bicycle spokes!!!!! You bastards let me down today. You embarrassed me. Absolutely embarrassed me.

Don't look at me like that. You MF'ers did all that shiot on purpose and you ****ling know it!!! Especially you 5-Iron. Don't act like you didn't deserve that 75 foot helicopter ride down the cart path after you intentionally scuffed that tee shot on the par 3. You just sat there laughing as my ball skipped like a f@cking flat rock before it settled to the bottom of that lake. You're lucky I didn't throw you in front of a speeding semi-trailer. So F@CK YOU!!!!!

Don't look so upset 7-Iron. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did your job. From 140 - 160 you were dead on. I want you to know I'm not taking this out on you. You still have a home.

As for you pitching wedge. Just what f*cking good are you? You think it's funny? Huh? Do ya? You little SOB. Don't make me come over there and bash you into the ground again you useless hunk of f*cking pot metal. Smacking balls over the green today. Just to p!ss me off. WTF did I ever do to you? I bought you. Put a f@cking roof over your head. Clean you religiously. Keep the dirt and grime off you. Give you a nice cover so you don't get hurt by the other clubs when bouncing around in the cart and cause a dent. This is how you repay my kindness? By blasting shots OVER the f*cking green from 20, 30, 40, 15 yards away? Listen real close mother f*cking pitching wedge. If you ever, ever pull a stunt like that again I will get the hacksaw out and slice you up like a Thanksgiving turkey. But I'll do it slow. Real f*cking slow. And I'll video tape the whole mother f*cking thing. Yep. And I'll show it to all the other clubs in the bag. Just to let them know I' will not tolerate this type of play.

DO YOU F*CKING HEAR ME???????

I hope so because if this ever happens again, I will encase you mother f*ckers in concrete and sink you to the bottom of the mother f*cking ocean. The Feds will find Hoffa before they'll find you f*ckers.

Is that clear?

**** this game. I'm going to bed.

|Zach|
09-16-2004, 07:47 PM
Are you sure you aren't a member of the Blue Springs Country Club?

Want another Absolute and Cranberry?

Phobia
09-16-2004, 07:47 PM
I'm going to cut and paste this post Saturday afternoon after my first round in 6 months.

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 07:48 PM
So , do you want to play golf with us on Monday, Sept. 27 th ?

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 07:48 PM
Goddammit!!! ****. Shit.

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 07:49 PM
We could use a good laugh that day, Oh come on now, it's not that bad .

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 07:49 PM
So , do you want to play golf with us on Monday, Sept. 27 th ?


I'm in like mother ****er.... wait'll you see my new 90 angle clubs... :cuss:

Bowser
09-16-2004, 07:50 PM
What was the question?

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 07:51 PM
Cleansing breath... (calm blue ocean.. calm blue ocean... calm blue ocean...)

Bowser
09-16-2004, 07:51 PM
Are you sure you aren't a member of the Blue Springs Country Club?

Want another Absolute and Cranberry?

No Zach, gawddammit, you put their drinks on my bill when I tell you that's what I want!

Where's my beer??

Hydrae
09-16-2004, 07:51 PM
:LOL: Great rant!

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 07:52 PM
They're still looking at me... and laughing... I;m going to go mash another club...

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 07:52 PM
We can advertise the comedy act , let you be the star of the show. Hey think about it, another fundraiser.

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 07:53 PM
We can advertise the comedy act , let you be the star of the show. Hey think aboit it, another fundraiser.

I'd don't think the foundation would be invited back if I went "Manson" on their course.

FloridaChief
09-16-2004, 07:54 PM
Oh and to my golf clubs... **** YOU you dirty no good (pinkie pullers)

WTF kind of an insult is pinky-puller? Is it worse than being a Chorfs fan?

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 07:54 PM
They're still looking at me... and laughing... I;m going to go mash another club...


No wait, you'll need some for that Monday ! ROFL

morphius
09-16-2004, 07:56 PM
Getting physically upset about golf is like getting physically upset about your soufflat collapsing...

its...


well...



kinda ghey.

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 07:56 PM
I'd don't think the foundation would be invited back if I went "Manson" on their course.

They don't know we will be with the foundation... just a bunch of hackers having fun.... you'll fit right in ! ROFL

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 07:58 PM
Getting physically upset about golf is like getting physically upset about your soufflat collapsing...

WTF is a soufflat?

|Zach|
09-16-2004, 07:59 PM
No Zach, gawddammit, you put their drinks on my bill when I tell you that's what I want!

Where's my beer??
Bur sir....

Just a moment...


ROFL

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 08:01 PM
Are you sure you aren't a member of the Blue Springs Country Club?

Want another Absolute and Cranberry?

Not unless they have a 5 Iron hanging from a tree on one of their holes..

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 08:06 PM
William... any chance you going to be around for next weekends events ?

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 08:12 PM
I'm all set for Monday morn. I'm working on Mon night..

PastorMikH
09-16-2004, 08:12 PM
:shrug: Maybe you shouldn't stand so close to the ball after you hit it.




Went out and tried a new course today - definately needed the day out. After the first part of this week the fact that I hit maybe 1 good drive all day didn't even phase my attitude. Irons and wedges were working great and pulled my a decent score for the first time there and also playing from the championship tees.

|Zach|
09-16-2004, 08:13 PM
Not unless they have a 5 Iron hanging from a tree on one of their holes..
I wouldn't put it past this group of people.

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 08:14 PM
:shrug: Maybe you shouldn't stand so close to the ball after you hit it.




Went out and tried a new course today - definately needed the day out. After the first part of this week the fact that I hit maybe 1 good drive all day didn't even phase my attitude. Irons and wedges were working great and pulled my a decent score for the first time there and also playing from the championship tees.

Ya know if you weren't a man o' God......telling me about your great round.....

Just pray for m.....ummm... my game.

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 08:15 PM
I'm all set for Monday morn. I'm working on Mon night..

So I take it you want to play that morning ?

PastorMikH
09-16-2004, 08:15 PM
Ya know if you weren't a man o' God......telling me about your great round.....

Just pray for m.....ummm... my game.



ROFL


Will Do!


And it wasn't a great game, decent for a first visit to the course, but the day on the greens and out of the office was awesome! I think I could have scored 120 today and not minded.

KevB
09-16-2004, 08:15 PM
That rant is about the funniest thing I've ever read online. I was in tears. The funniest thing of all is that my wife read it after she saw me laughing hysterically.....and she didn't even crack a smile. Apparently swearing at and threatening inanimate objects (which I've done many tiems) are a guy thing.

BTW, isn't Soufflat a small town in Iowa?

Iowanian
09-16-2004, 08:16 PM
Sounds like a canidate to buy the putter at the 37 auction.

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 08:19 PM
Sounds like a canidate to buy the putter at the 37 auction.


Naw, he needs a 5 iron, I'll see if I can put an edge on it for him ! ROFL

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 08:20 PM
That rant is about the funniest thing I've ever read online. I was in tears. The funniest thing of all is that my wife read it after she saw me laughing hysterically.....and she didn't even crack a smile. Apparently swearing at and threatening inanimate objects (which I've done many tiems) are a guy thing.

BTW, isn't Soufflat a small town in Iowa?


She's obviously never seen me play....

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 08:23 PM
Sounds like a canidate to buy the putter at the 37 auction.

I'll bid on it. But the putter was actually semi golden today. I actually drilled a 45 footer today...

TO SAVE A TRIPLE BOGEY!!!!!!

Phobia
09-16-2004, 08:35 PM
I'll bid on it. But the putter was actually semi golden today. I actually drilled a 45 footer today...

TO SAVE A TRIPLE BOGEY!!!!!!

Been there. Did I ever tell you the story about the 350 yard par 4 I drove at the 37 Forever golf event 2 years ago?

3 tiered green. I'm on the lowest tier. First putt comes within 2 feet of the hole. I'm stoked. Only problem.... I hit past it. For my putt, I nudged it knowing that if I went past, the ball was gone. Sure enough, as soon as the putter face touched the ball, that sumbitch hauled ass 50 feet down the hill again.

Ended up with a double and was HAPPY to get that. Toughest greens in the world. That's no lie. Ask Roy.

Hydrae
09-16-2004, 08:40 PM
Hey William, here I am perusing the responses to this thread and who do I see in the list at the bottom of the page as veiwing the thread but "6 Iron". ROFL

Better be careful, they are still watching you! You can't get away from them even here on the Planet!

ROYC75
09-16-2004, 08:42 PM
Been there. Did I ever tell you the story about the 350 yard par 4 I drove at the 37 Forever golf event 2 years ago?

3 tiered green. I'm on the lowest tier. First putt comes within 2 feet of the hole. I'm stoked. Only problem.... I hit past it. For my putt, I nudged it knowing that if I went past, the ball was gone. Sure enough, as soon as the putter face touched the ball, that sumbitch hauled ass 50 feet down the hill again.

Ended up with a double and was HAPPY to get that. Toughest greens in the world. That's no lie. Ask Roy.


Brutal.... we needed bushel baskets for pins that day !

Skip Towne
09-16-2004, 08:51 PM
Man, you really SUCK. I'll bet I can beat you with a driver and a 5 iron on the course of your choice. Of course you are a K-State fan so I feel a little guilty taking advantage of the feeble minded. While minding my own business late one night in the 19th hole, the Women's Club Champion got to talking shit to me. Innocently, I told her I could beat her with a driver and an 8 iron. Lots of bets took place and her husband bet heavily on me. He was a wise man as I shot a 39 to her 45. It is surprisingly easy to putt with a driver and actually not a handicap at all. Women are stupid but so are K-State fans.

Skip Towne
09-16-2004, 08:57 PM
Hey William, here I am perusing the responses to this thread and who do I see in the list at the bottom of the page as veiwing the thread but "6 Iron". ROFL

Better be careful, they are still watching you! You can't get away from them even here on the Planet!
What is the deal with "6 iron"? He once sent me a PM correcting my spelling for calling someone a "looser". I promptly ripped him a new one for his ignorance of the lexicon. Never seen him since.

Dartgod
09-16-2004, 09:12 PM
Been there. Did I ever tell you the story about the 350 yard par 4 I drove at the 37 Forever golf event 2 years ago?

3 tiered green. I'm on the lowest tier. First putt comes within 2 feet of the hole. I'm stoked. Only problem.... I hit past it. For my putt, I nudged it knowing that if I went past, the ball was gone. Sure enough, as soon as the putter face touched the ball, that sumbitch hauled ass 50 feet down the hill again.

Ended up with a double and was HAPPY to get that. Toughest greens in the world. That's no lie. Ask Roy.
I'll vouch for him too. Those greens were designed in hell.

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 09:14 PM
Man, you really SUCK. I'll bet I can beat you with a driver and a 5 iron on the course of your choice. Of course you are a K-State fan so I feel a little guilty taking advantage of the feeble minded. While minding my own business late one night in the 19th hole, the Women's Club Champion got to talking shit to me. Innocently, I told her I could beat her with a driver and an 8 iron. Lots of bets took place and her husband bet heavily on me. He was a wise man as I shot a 39 to her 45. It is surprisingly easy to putt with a driver and actually not a handicap at all. Women are stupid but so are K-State fans.

All women talk shit to you, needle dick. I'd talk shit on a pony tailed 80 year old Direct Tv installer too.

Stinger
09-16-2004, 09:17 PM
Man, you really SUCK. I'll bet I can beat you with a driver and a 5 iron on the course of your choice. Of course you are a K-State fan so I feel a little guilty taking advantage of the feeble minded. While minding my own business late one night in the 19th hole, the Women's Club Champion got to talking shit to me. Innocently, I told her I could beat her with a driver and an 8 iron. Lots of bets took place and her husband bet heavily on me. He was a wise man as I shot a 39 to her 45. It is surprisingly easy to putt with a driver and actually not a handicap at all. Women are stupid but so are K-State fans.

I smell another fundraiser for the 37 foundation. I'll take that bet if your offering :p

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 09:18 PM
Been there. Did I ever tell you the story about the 350 yard par 4 I drove at the 37 Forever golf event 2 years ago?

3 tiered green. I'm on the lowest tier. First putt comes within 2 feet of the hole. I'm stoked. Only problem.... I hit past it. For my putt, I nudged it knowing that if I went past, the ball was gone. Sure enough, as soon as the putter face touched the ball, that sumbitch hauled ass 50 feet down the hill again.

Ended up with a double and was HAPPY to get that. Toughest greens in the world. That's no lie. Ask Roy.

Most of the places I play have pretty pedestrian greens. Except for Lions Gate. Those muthas were were like pool table slate. But I hit a long one there on 17(?). 7 Iron from the fringe. Just touched it and it rolled.... and rolled ...... and rolled..... then dropped.

Cool as hell.

6 Iron
09-16-2004, 09:22 PM
What is the deal with "6 iron"? He once sent me a PM correcting my spelling for calling someone a "looser". I promptly ripped him a new one for his ignorance of the lexicon. Never seen him since.

Skip, still here. I read through the post, and could not think of anything interesting to add. As for not being around, I needed considerable reconstructive surgery to repair the "new one". It looks good though, and works fine. Thanks for your concern.

Stinger
09-16-2004, 09:23 PM
Most of the places I play have pretty pedestrian greens. Except for Lions Gate. Those muthas were were like pool table slate. But I hit a long one there on 17(?). 7 Iron from the fringe. Just touched it and it rolled.... and rolled ...... and rolled..... then dropped.

Cool as hell.

That is what I love about golf I can't for the life of me remember the name of the person my wife introduce me to 3 hours ago. But if you say a course that I only played once 6 years ago I will give you a shot by shot detail with the description of every hole. :D

Frazod
09-16-2004, 09:28 PM
That would be a great rant, if it wasn't about golf.

Golf is gay.

:p

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 09:30 PM
That is what I love about golf I can't for the life of me remember the name of the person my wife introduce me to 3 hours ago. But if you say a course that I only played once 6 years ago I will give you a shot by shot detail with the description of every hole. :D

This game has me. I started playing the 3rd week in May of this year. Now, I play every day that I have off. It's like crack. When I'm more horrible than normal (like today) it's like withdrawl symptoms.

Jeezus I was mad as hell today. But still, I hit that putt.... Made it all worth while.

Skip Towne
09-16-2004, 09:53 PM
All women talk shit to you, needle dick. I'd talk shit on a pony tailed 80 year old Direct Tv installer too.
Get your money and your golf clubs out motherfvcker and lets go find out. K Your going to get embarassed by an old needle dick who owns a state championship. Keep running your mouth.

WilliamTheIrish
09-16-2004, 10:03 PM
Get your money and your golf clubs out motherfvcker and lets go find out. K Your going to get embarassed by an old needle dick who owns a state championship. Keep running your mouth.

I'll be there geezer. Drop your golf clubs and your walker and your prosthetic pee pee and your soiled diaper memories of a state championship.

You won't get money, but I might buy you a beer before I treat your Social Security garnering azz like I did my clubs today.

WilliamTheIrish
09-18-2004, 11:55 AM
Update... I like golf again. Yesterday I got back on track. Shot a 90. Haven't broken 90 yet. Played my 3rd round of golf without losing a ball.

Small victories.

PastorMikH
09-18-2004, 01:14 PM
Update... I like golf again. Yesterday I got back on track. Shot a 90. Haven't broken 90 yet. Played my 3rd round of golf without losing a ball.

Small victories.



To break 90 you have to be proficient with the foot wedge.;):thumb:

Skip Towne
09-18-2004, 01:25 PM
Update... I like golf again. Yesterday I got back on track. Shot a 90. Haven't broken 90 yet. Played my 3rd round of golf without losing a ball.

Small victories.
How could you lose a ball when you can't hit it out of your shadow?

Raiderhader
09-18-2004, 01:29 PM
Good grief. This is one reason why I have never gotten into golf.

That being said, it could be a hell of a lot of fun playing with some of you who take this game so seriously........

Boyceofsummer
09-18-2004, 02:24 PM
been moved to "The Hall of Classics" yet? I can hear and visualize the 5 rotating horizontally over the horizon.


Once again, classic.

ENDelt260
09-18-2004, 02:51 PM
Want another Absolute and Cranberry?

That sounds tasty. Don't mind if I do.

mikey23545
09-18-2004, 05:41 PM
You know, I have never played golf, and I had tears running down my face after reading this thread....The old lady came in here to see WTF I was laughing so hard at....

Truly, some of the funniest MFer's on the internet hang out on this BB....

Raiderhader
09-18-2004, 05:50 PM
You know, I have never played golf, and I had tears running down my face after reading this thread....The old lady came in here to see WTF I was laughing so hard at....

Truly, some of the funniest MFer's on the internet hang out on this BB....


Indeed. And the combined wit of these individuals will leave you in awe.

38yrsfan
09-18-2004, 07:56 PM
Don't sugarcoat it, tell us how you feel, let it out. :)

Logical
09-18-2004, 08:33 PM
Skip, still here. I read through the post, and could not think of anything interesting to add. As for not being around, I needed considerable reconstructive surgery to repair the "new one". It looks good though, and works fine. Thanks for your concern.ROFL Good response.

whoman69
09-18-2004, 09:02 PM
I thought I had a temper on the course. That and the fact I can't afford to play since I don't qualify under my parent's membership anymore is the main reason I haven't played in more than 5 years.
My suggestion is to switch to decaf or more practice.

Stinger
09-18-2004, 09:27 PM
Hey Will did you play in Springfield today?

In the group ahead of me today on the first tee, a gentleman steps up on the first tee and I hear him say "Lord please get this into the fairway that is all I ask".

He proceeded to hit it off the toe 25yds straight right into the lake. Immediatly after finishing his prayer, and watching the ball hit the water, he let off with a 4-5min tirade of words I dare not share. ROFL I was laughing so I almost could't hit the ball when our group was up next.

Then on the 4th hole he flubs 3 chips in a row next thing I know he throws his PW 50 yards into the creek. And after following him around the course I got to say that it was the best shot he had today.ROFL

I've played with better and I played with worse, but this guy was the most entertaining I have had the pleasure of following on a golf course. :)

philfree
09-18-2004, 10:32 PM
I played Hickory on Friday. Two-man Scramble Member Guest with my dad. He's turned 75 May 22. We carded a 71. I should shoot that own my own :shake: I made a 35-40 footer and he made a 20 footer but we missed 5 birdies putts that were less then 15 feet long. I think 4 were prolly less then 10'. :cuss: How can two people putt that bad?!!We won $80.00 though so........wudn't all bad. And that Country Club Calm Chowder :thumb:

I just went over my round and I hit 9 fairways, 15 greens and had 33 putts. We did not use all my iron shots out of those 15 we used three of my dads. I'd prolly shot at least 4 strokes higher own my own. 75 on Hickory Hills isn't to shabby. :)

PhilFree :arrow:

PastorMikH
09-30-2004, 10:44 PM
I thought about this thread today. Went out with a guy in church, we decided to play the chapionship tees. We hit the second tee box (the first par 4) and I realize it isn't going to be a good day driving the ball. after several holes, I put the driver up and started using the 2 iron. There is something wrong when you can hit your 2 iron 2x as far as the driver - and lets not comment on how much straighter it was. If I had been playing the Bertha Clone instead of my Hawkeye, I probably would have thrown it - it is amazing the restraint one can have when the remind themselves of how much a club would cost to replace. Had to settle for a stinkin' 85 thanks to the stinkin' driver.

Mr. Kotter
09-30-2004, 10:46 PM
.. That's right. F*ck you Golf. You piece of Shiot-sucking game. **** you again, I say.

And F8ck the goat sodomizing bastard Scotsman ...

DO YOU F*CKING HEAR ME???????

I hope so because if this ever happens again, I will encase you mother f*ckers in concrete and sink you to the bottom of the mother f*cking ocean. The Feds will find Hoffa before they'll find you f*ckers.

Is that clear?

**** this game. I'm going to bed.

You takin' lessons from Frazod....wow. ROFL

ROYC75
10-01-2004, 06:49 AM
You takin' lessons from Frazod....wow. ROFL

If Frazod was on the course, I would want to be on that foresome .....That would be some of the best comedy a man could watch, of course it could be dangerous due to flying objects.