What was Evil Knevils last stunt?





Riding thru Ethiopia with a ham and cheese sandwich tied to his nuts

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."

What would you call the Flinstones if they were black?



















****as.

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.

The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"

The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

The pope, the president, the smartest woman in the world and a boy scout were all riding on Air Force one over the Atlantic ocean when the pilot comes back to inform the passengers that the plane was going to crash and that other than the pilots there were only three parachutes so they had better decide who was going down with the plane. At that moment the pope stood up and said " I am the leader of the largest religion in the world, I must be saved!" and grabs a parachute and jumps out the door.
The president then stands up and says " I am the leader of the most powerful country in the world, I must be saved." and grabs one and jumps out the door. The smartest woman in the world stands up and says " I am the smartest woman I must be saved for the sake of women!" and she follows suit. About this time the pilot comes back and sees the boy scout busting out in laughter. Curious the pilot asks " I see you have made your decision, but why are you laughing in the face of death?" and the Boy Scout responds " I'm not lauging in the face of death I'm laughing becasue the smartest woman in the world just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on."

Think of a buoy on the ocean, riding the waves, bobbing up and down.

A man answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

The man says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

No, I though you were addressing me...by name.

A woman walks into the doctors office with a huge boil on her arse.

The doctor squeezes it, pushes it, and then looks at the hard white pus core. He says this is too big a job for me so he sends her to Gus the pus sucker.

The woman goes to Gus who looks at the bulging red, inflamed boil festering with pus and says "this is no problem" and he proceeds to press his lips to her arse and sucks out the pus and core of the boil.

Halfway through, the woman drops a mammoth fart. Gus stops what he's doing, looks up and says "You know lady, its people like you that make this job ****ing disgusting."


:Lin:

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

A girl and a boy were at the back of the cinema, kissing passionately.

When they come up for air, the boy says, "I really love kissing you, but do you mind not passing me your chewing gum."

The girl replies,"It's not chewing gum, I've got bronchitis".

:spock: :doh!:

Sick....
 

Two guys were swapping stories in the park one day and one guy (a war vet) mentioned that during the war he was captured and held for weeks without food.

The other guy asked, "How could you survive without food?"

"It wasn't easy," he said. "But I had a big meal before I was captured and learned to eat my own shit."

"WHAT?? That's disgusting!" said the first guy. "I don't believe you!"

Without a second thought the vet reached into his pants, shit in his hand and promptly ate it on the spot.

The second guy (now gagging) said, "My God! If you can do that so easily, we can bet big money and rake in a fortune!!"

"Sounds good to me," said the vet "I can use the money."

The next day the guy had set up a bet with two wealthy but unbelieving high rollers.

"This I gotta see," said one of the gamblers.

"It aint gonna happen," said the other. "No one can eat their own shit."

"Lets do it," said the vet's buddy as he set down a plate full of shit in front of the vet.

The vet looks down ready to dig in, when all of a sudden he bolts from the table and projectile pukes a streak across the room right on the two gamblers. In a rage the gamblers kick the living crap out of both the vet and his buddy, they take their winnings and leave.

"We lost it all!!" said the buddy. "Why in the hell didn't you eat the shit??"

"There was a hair in it!" said the vet.

dirty

Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something."

Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied - "Well first you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a **** hair off each side and put the mother ****er back up."

Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home."

When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch." Martin replied, "Get ****ed. That's the electrician's job."